Archive for the ‘fun’ Tag
"I’m sarcastic, it isn’t going to change, so get over it.” I should have that sentence made into a really long bumper sticker. Those of you out there who are my brothers and sisters in sarcasm will understand completely. Those of you who are immune to sarcasm, you have my deepest sympathies (NOT TRUE).
I came by my ability honestly to turn almost anything said to me into a reciprocal sarcastic reply with little or no effort. I began developing this superpower at age ten when I discovered that I could deflect parents, adults, and bullies with sarcasm which in turn kept me from being beaten, spanked, and bothered. I decided then and there that using wit, sarcasm, and glib remarks was a valuable tool and I should refine it. If used properly and politely along with clever conversation it can also make you a bit more desirable to the ladies (PROVEN FACT). That in itself justified all of the time and effort I put into becoming a sarcasm expert.
As always when I write about things I try to research the meanings of the words I’m using. All of the intellectuals who are responsible for compiling dictionaries and encyclopedias describe sarcasm very clinically and for the most part in a negative fashion as this will clearly show:
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In sarcasm, ridicule or mockery is used harshly, often crudely and contemptuously (NOT ALWAYS TRUE), for destructive purposes (NEVER). It may be used in an indirect manner and have the form of irony (THIS WOULD BE ME), as in "Your ass really looks great in that dress or ”What a fine musician you turned out to be!". It may also be used in the form of a direct statement, "You couldn’t play one piece correctly if you had two assistants." The distinctive quality of sarcasm is present in the spoken word and manifested chiefly by vocal intonation.
Hostile, critical comments may be expressed in an ironic way, such as saying "don’t work too hard" to a lazy worker (BEEN THERE, DONE THAT). The use of irony introduces an element of humour which may make the criticism seem more polite and less aggressive (ME AGAIN). Sarcasm can frequently be unnoticed in print form, oftentimes requiring the intonation or tone of voice to indicate the quip or a note added to let people know (SEE BELOW).
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Sarcasm is a tool and a god-given talent for some but really gets no respect (ME) and viewing sarcasm as a negative really doesn’t get to the truth of it. There are some people, highly intelligent and educated, who just don’t get sarcasm. I throw sarcasm into a conversation for good reason. It allows me to gauge who understands my humor and those who don’t. It also identifies those who may be potential targets without even being aware of it.
I try (MOST OF THE TIME) not to be disrespectful during those occasions because I never want to be perceived as mean or rude. I like a lot of laughter in my life and when the people around me don’t bring anything to the table I’ll create it for them (AT THEIR EXPENSE IF NECESSARY).
AND SO TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE, HAVE A WONDERFUL AND GLORIOUS DAY (SARCASM OFF)
Gardening. It sounds so easy but in reality it’s not. I’d probably be more obsessed with it if I were a full fledged farmer who was supporting his family with what he could successfully produce. Being a part-time gardener gives me a great deal of satisfaction and almost as much aggravation.
Each spring my better-half and I spend a lot of time deciding what to grow, soil preparation, and how to process the things we’ll be consuming next winter. One of our goals has always been to grow what we want without the use of insecticides and other chemicals. To do that successfully for a couple of amateurs is difficult and at times impossible.
This year the weather’s been fairly well balanced with enough rain to keep watering to a minimum. Along with sufficient amounts of water comes sufficient amounts of slugs, bugs, grubs, and other visiting wildlife. It then becomes a full time job to maintain a decent level of control over the garden. Unforeseen problems make themselves known without warning and must be dealt with as quickly as possible.
For instance, I use a black fabric to cover the garden to prevent weeds from taking over. The fabric is expensive but in the long run will save hours of unnecessary efforts throughout the summer. Not this year. I bought what I thought was a product that will hinder weeds and allow water and nutrients to seep through. Buyer Beware. We are now more than half way through the growing season and my fabric purchase was a total scam. The weeds have grown under the fabric and now have penetrated into the sunlight. The fabric has virtually dissolved into nothingness in spots. This will make my end-of-season cleanup extremely difficult and time consuming. My only thought right now is that Home Depot blows. How can such a large company supply a product of such low caliber without some sort of pretesting before it hits the shelves. I guess I’ll be just like the prodigal returning to Lowe’s with my tail between my legs.
Let me tell you a little something about slugs. Not only are they disgusting, there are millions of them and they’re always hungry. They can strip a garden in short order if not controlled by insecticides. This year we were forced to give in and use a commercial product to kill as many of those little bastards as possible. I won’t even begin to explain my thoughts on the effing tomato worms. They’re green, voracious, fat, and make a satisfying "pop" when you step on them.
The cucumber patch is loaded already with dozens of future pickles and hundreds of blooms indicating a lot of canning in my future. Tomorrow will be my first official canning day of 2013. With any luck I’ll be canning approximates 15 pints of hot Bread & Butter pickles and four experimental pints of Kool Aid pickles. The Kool Aid pickles are something new I’m trying where you mix your dill brine with a double package of Cherry Kool Aid. It gives you a kosher dill pickle with a sweet cherry taste in a bright red pickle. It sounds crazy I know but a mixture of sweet and sour is one of my favorite taste combinations. I just hope it works and isn’t a little too bizarre making people afraid to even try it. We shall see.
I guess I can stop complaining now. I’ll get a good nights sleep and be ready to hit the ground running in the morning. A day of hot boiling water, pots of brine, and a huge pile of sliced cucumbers and jalapeño peppers. A fun day to be sure. The Fall harvest is finally beginning.
It’s time for a regular journal entry to help me to catch up on things as the summer moves along. The heat wave has finally broken and we’re having a few intermittent rain showers on some really beautiful and sunny days. For the past few days we’ve had family visitors from Rhode Island who needed a little Maine getaway to clear their heads and breath some clean fresh air.
The guests arrived late yesterday evening after a bout with car problems. It’s funny (or not) how and when batteries decide to die. It’s never in your driveway but always on the road, miles from anywhere, and raining. We were up chatting and catching up until 2am and and slept in the next morning since it was lightly raining. It gave us a chance to shop for a new battery and install it before the rain ended. That evening we decided a visit to the Old Orchard Beach amusement park was in order and we had a great time.
The rain stopped and the tourists and visitors were out in large numbers enjoying the cool evening air. We hit the arcades for a few games and after blowing ten bucks throwing bean bags at balloons I won an ugly green stuffed animal. My better-half was thrilled and I’ll probably be seeing that stupid thing for the rest of my life. She bonded with it immediately and gave it a cutsy name before we even returned home. Our group rode a few rides , took lots of photo’s, and had a really fun evening.
We were in bed at a reasonable hour in anticipation of an early start in the morning. We visited a local church fair the next day. It’s one we attend annually and really enjoy. My better-half loves the flea market and I’m there for the excellent french fries and hot sausage sandwiches. They have a huge tent filled with books at dirt cheap prices and I’m usually able to buy enough books to get me through the winter.
Our visitors left after a few hours to return home to Rhode Island. The better-half and I stayed a while longer after running into a few old friends. She loves the raffles and spent the last hour sitting at a table and filling out raffle tickets. The worst thing to happen last year was that she won one of the small raffles. Now she’s hooked and thinks she’s going o win every year. It’s all for a good cause though but I just wish she’d win something I could use.
All in all a good couple of days as we start our march towards the Fall season. I love the fact that there’s sure to be a small community fair almost every weekend from now until late October. Lots of fairs and lots of fun.
I hesitate to write about today’s subject because I know many of my female readers will take me to task. As Groucho Marx used to say on You Bet Your Life, "Today’s topic is foreplay. Say the secret word and win a hundred dollars".
The term foreplay gets tossed around all to often when men have their discussions about being successful lovers. It comes across as more of a joke topic than anything they should take too seriously. Most women are out-spoken in their demands that men become more accomplished in this most important area. I can’t argue that fact because over the years I’ve found it to be true.
I think many men are good at foreplay but even they are accused at times of being unskilled. It’s become an easy way for women to keep a man on the defensive and to force him into working even harder than usual. It’s those passive-aggressive remarks like “Oh, that was nice but my old boyfriend wasn’t good at that either”, that can really kill the mood. I’m not being too critical of them because it’s just human nature to try and reap the most benefits from every situation. I’ve known a few women who considered successful foreplay by a man to be when he removed his pants. As with all human beings, everyone is different in their approach to just about anything.
I once had a fairly successful interlude with a young woman who told me up front there would be no actual intercourse. She was of the Bill Clinton school of sexual definition in that oral sex was not really sex. We never had actual intercourse but OMG it really didn’t matter, that girl had some serious skills. It was one of the few times in my life where I was totally satisfied with a developing relationship and was really disappointed when her flight was called and she flew away. I guess that’s why to this day I love airports and flight attendants but hate flying. Ahhhh good memories.
I was watching a TV show a while back and heard the term "King of Foreplay" used during a conversation about relationships. I’m certainly not claiming that title but I’ve studied as hard as I could over the years and I’m close to reaching that goal. If I could live at least seventy-five more years I might just make it. There are no hard and fast rules on foreplay because what works for one women doesn’t work for the next. It can be very difficult and time consuming for the inexperienced man to figure these things out.
After cruising around the net I found this list of foreplay tips on how to be a better lover. I’ll make a short comment on each since I’ve probably tried them all at one time or another. As with everything, some worked and some didn’t. See what you think. For you inexperienced young guys out there pay attention and learn from your elders.
Masturbate for your partner – Didn’t Work
Masturbate each other – Worked
Masturbate your partner – Worked
Suck nipples – Worked
Role-Play – Didn’t Work
Whole body massage – Worked
Give a lap dance or strip tease – Never as Foreplay
Shower together – Never as Foreplay
Tie one of you up – Really Worked
Oral Sex – Really Worked
Tickle – Never Tried
Nibble earlobes – Worked
Spank playfully – Really Worked
Talk dirty to each other – Worked
Blindfold one of you – Really Worked
Used sex toys – Really Worked
Shave each other’s private areas – Worked
Suck fingertips – Worked
Watch a porno – Never as Foreplay
Play an Adult Sex Game – Never Tried
Drip hot wax on your lover – Really worked
Body paint each other – Never as Foreplay
Hopefully the woman your trying to seduce doesn’t require any more than two or three of them. My advice is to become proficient in them all and begin your life-long search for that "King of Foreplay" title.
We all know who Dr. Ruth is I think. She’s the four and a half foot tall sex expert who has the answers to every sex question. Here are a few tips from her for those men who are having difficulties.
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Check it out. If anything "down there" hurts or isn’t working the way you think it should, don’t wonder about it — see a doctor. For him, difficulty maintaining an erection and, for her, pain during intercourse always requires a medical evaluation.
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Don’t zone out. Many couples are embarrassed to ask their partner to stimulate erogenous zones that are very pleasurable but can be considered taboo. The nipples, the anus, the back of the neck — all have nerve endings. So don’t be shy. The only shame when it comes to foreplay is a missed opportunity for pleasure.
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Stay the course. There is a moment before orgasm when many women give up, thinking nothing will happen. It’s a self-sabotaging mistake. Stay with the stimulation and the orgasm will come.
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There is not an exact science to foreplay. You and your partner(s) should understand what you need and want from each other. While we speak about foreplay techniques we must regard before anything else that every human being is distinctive and diverse from each person else and the above-mentioned foreplay techniques have a different impact from one person to another. Accustom yourself to the occasion.
Isn’t Dr. Ruth just terrific. I’ve always wondered if growing up at “zipper height” caused her to pursue sex as her life’s work. Just a thought.
Research indicates more than 85% of ladies reached more intense orgasms when their partners spent more than 10 minutes on foreplay. So boys, increase your number of foreplay techniques and become more sexually adventurous. It’s worth every second for you to bone up (pun intended) on your skills. They’ll serve you well for many decades to come (again pun intended).
Well, today was the Fourth and for a change the weather was absolutely perfect. Ninety degrees with a slight breeze along the shore to keep things just cool enough. We made our way to the town of Old Orchid Beach late in the morning and found the place already jammed with tourists. The beach was packed with thousands of people and if the car license plates we saw were accurate most of Massachusetts and Quebec had moved in for the holiday weekend.
The local business people decided to start early gouging as many visitors as possible with a new and higher parking lot charge, $25.00 for the day. Since last year the cost was between $10.00 and $15.00 we decided to find a parking spot in town on the street and to feed the parking meters. A huge pain in the ass but at the end of the day we saved about $15.00. Luckily we found a spot only two blocks from the beach so our walk wasn’t too bad.
We dropped our blanket under the Pier out of the sun and started snapping pictures in between trips into the water to cool off. We’ve been coming here for years and it was as crowded as we’ve ever seen it. After an hour or so we decided a meal or snack was in order. We trekked back to the car and did a quick strip tease on the street to change out our wet clothes. Thankfully the foot traffic in the area was light so my better-half’s rear half didn’t scare anyone too badly.
We ended up sitting on the shaded deck of the Surf 6 Club for a few refreshing drinks and a nosh of onion rings and chicken fingers. We met a few visiting tourists and were able to chat and have a great time. The band started playing at eleven am and were pretty good. They were playing not only for the customers of the club but for the hundreds of people nearby on the beach.
The OOB Pier extends out into the ocean for at lease three hundred yards and is covered with small shops and eating establishments. We worked our way to the end of the Pier for a a quick drink at the “Pier” bar and to take a few more photos of the beach goers from a different angle. The place was packed with tourists and everyone seemed to be enjoying the atmosphere and the dozens of bikini wearing female customers. We stayed only a half hour because we had to go and to feed the parking meter.
Next was the better-half’s favorite thing, shopping. We started hitting the shops to look through the tons of touristy junk with really unbelievably high prices. She was forced by her shopping addiction to make a few purchases and then we were off to the Arcade. She kicked my ass playing Air Hockey and followed her victory with a little Skee-Ball. We then strolled over to the amusement park.
We agreed that the cost for tickets on the rides was ridiculous so we took lots of photographs and just walked around enjoying the atmosphere. We hit a few more of the smaller shops in town as we made our way back to the car. The nicest part of these visits is that we live only seven or eight miles away and we returned home in short order.
Lounging on our deck and enjoying the cool breeze and a cooler drink was a perfect ending to a great day. The better-half just couldn’t stop herself from peppering the yard with firecrackers and Roman Candles. That was her extremely loud way to celebrate the country’s birthday. I was also pleased to see so many of the people in town and at the beach wearing red, white, and blue swim suits, head ware, t-shirts, and beach equipment. The meaning of the holiday wasn’t lost on most of us and that was nice to see.
We both hope your day was as nice as ours. Happy Birthday America!
A few days ago I posted a bit of humor about men visiting Lowes at different stages of their lives. I tag these types of posts as humor but as always there are a few of you out there who insist on taking things as a personal attack. I received a somewhat smarmy email from a gentleman in Canada who took me to task for having made men look too foolish. I won’t assume anything about someone who sees a posting described as humor and then takes time out of his busy day to write an email complaining about the humor. He truly must be a Canadian.
Being the fair minded individual that I am I’ll dedicate this HUMEROUS post in his honor with the hopes he has a women in his life who can explain it to him. If I’m going to receive stupid and inane emails I’d prefer them to be from women. As a warning to all of you folks in Canada, THIS POSTING CONTAINS HUMOR. Be on your guard.
What Woman Desire in Men
20’s
- Handsome
- Works Out Regularly
- Charming
- Financially Successful
- A Caring Listener
- An Imaginative and Romantic Lover
30’s
- Nice Looking
- Listens More Than Talks
- Smells Good
- Carries Groceries With Ease
- Owns at Least One Tie
- Requires Sex Once a Week
40’s
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Not Too Ugly – Bald OK
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Doesn’t Smell Too Bad
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Usually Wears a Shirt to Cover His Stomach
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Remembers to Put the Toilet Lid Down
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Shaves on Most Weekends
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Requires Sex Once a Month
50’s
- Keeps Hair in Nose and Ears Trimmed
- Doesn’t Belch or Scratch in Public
- Doesn’t Nod Off While I’m Talking
- Remembers My Name
- Shaves on Some Weekends
- Requires Sex Once a Quarter
60’s
- Remembers Where the Bathroom Is
- Can Stand By Himself
- Usually Wears Some Clothes
- Social Security Eligible
- Remembers Where He Left His Teeth
- Vaguely Remembers Sex
70’s
- Collecting Social Security
- Can Still Drive
- Breathing
- Breathing
- Breathing
- Breathing
There you have it ladies. If you find any omissions or errors please drop me a comment or email with the particulars. I’ll immediately forward them to my new Canadian friend for his thoughts on the matter. I’m just kidding of course. My only message for Ontario Joe is BITE ME!
I think I’m finally returning to my calm and normal self after the last two days of whining and complaining about every useless thing that was bothering me. It appeared to be a combination of finally finishing a difficult job I’d worried about for many weeks and the normal let down after the fact. Leave it up to my better-half to figure out a perfect solution.
She returned home from work in early afternoon and immediately advised me to clean up because we we going out for a Dutch Treat dinner. How could I possibly complain about that? Regardless of what you might think I clean up pretty good and it wasn’t long before I was ready for my night on the town. My chauffeur pulled up in her car and off we went.
We have a number of restaurants we frequent but for me it’s all about the food. If the food is good I can eat it sitting in the middle of a junk yard and still be happy. I worked for many years throughout the south and became hooked on that good old down home southern food that their so famous for. Catfish, collard greens, black eyed peas, somehow climbed to the top of my favorite foods list. No matter what northern restaurant chains claim their attempts to cook authentic southern cuisine is usually pitiful.
My all-time favorite southern dish is country fried chicken with that unbelievable white gravy and biscuits. One of our regular restaurants has a chef who must have been born down south and stolen his grandmother’s favorite recipes. That’s where my better-half planned our dinner and I wasn’t disappointed. The chicken was cooked perfectly and the biscuits and gravy were even better. Throw in a serving of coleslaw and a side of mashed red potatoes with just a hint or garlic and you’ve arrived in heaven. I pigged out and cleaned my plate like a freaking vacuum cleaner. I was fat and sassy as I downed an excellent gin and tonic to complete things.
My better-half was busy texting for few minutes and when she finished I was advised we’d be meeting some friends at another local establishment for a nightcap or two. She actually paid the bill, left a good tip, and we were off. We arrived at a place that is part sports bar, part restaurant, and part beach hangout in the summer. They were so busy it seemed a little like a hot summer evening with the place packed with beach people. I said that jokingly because it’s really April in Maine and cold as hell. Our friends arrived just as we finally were seated in our booth and we had a few drinks and a lot of laughs. My sober designated driver delivered me safely home at a reasonable hour to end a perfect night.
The night didn’t last much longer because the better-half had a 4am wake-up call. Fortunately she has a vacation week scheduled next week due to the anticipated arrival or her oldest son from LA. He’s in for a three day visit and that should keep her hopping and occupied for the entire week. Since next week is sure to a hectic one I plan on enjoying this weekend as much as humanly possible.
It’s been twelve hours since that great meal and I’m still tasting those garlic potatoes. Can’t wait to do it again.
It’s time once again for this blog to live up to it’s name. Another installment of totally useless information collected during a global search for just about anything that’s even a little bit interesting. I feel that everyone should have a few trivia items that aren’t commonly known to help amaze their friends and possibly win a bar bet or two. Spring is arriving and we need to lighten things up a little so here we go.
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The average housewife walks 10 miles a day around the house doing chores. She walks 4 miles and spends 25 hours a year making beds.
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President James Garfield could write Latin with one hand and Greek with the other—simultaneously! Leonardo da Vinci could draw with one hand and write with the other, also simultaneously.
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Attila the Hun was a dwarf. Pepin the Short, Aesop, Gregory of Tours, Charles III of Naples, and the Pasha Hussain were all less than 3 and a half feet tall.
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Edgar Allan Poe and James Abbott McNeill Whistler both went to West Point.
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The Amazon River discharges 4.2 million cubic feet of water per second in the Atlantic Ocean.
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A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
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Mr. Potato Head was the first toy advertised on television.
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An elephant may consume 500 pounds of hay and 60 gallons of water in a single day.
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Malaria mosquitos are attracted to ripe Limburger cheese and smelly feet.
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A fetus acquires fingerprints by the end of the first trimester.
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One million stray dogs and 500,000 stray cats live in New York City metropolitan area. There are about 100 million dogs and cats in the United States. Americans spend more than 5.5 billion on their pets each year. Every hour, 12,500 puppies are born in the US.
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In 2003, the personal fortune of writer J. K. Rowling of Harry Potter fame, surpassed that of the Queen of England.
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A 2005 survey by CareerBuilder.com, 43% of Americans called in sick when there was nothing wrong with them.
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The venom of the king cobra is so deadly that one gram of it can kill 150 people. Just to handle the substance can put one in coma.
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A whale’s heart beats only nine times a minute.
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A good milking cow will give nearly 6,000 quarts of milk every year.
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Under the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, leeches and maggots are categorized as medical devices.
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Male moose have antlers 7 feet across. The antlers often weigh 60 pounds.
You should be feeling extra smart right about now. Knowing these fact puts you in a category all your own. I didn’t say it was a good category but you’re definitely in it. You’re now an official trivia nerd and I guess congratulations are in order.
I received this test from a friend recently but wasn’t completely happy with the way it was formatted. I added a number of questions and kept the number of answer choices to just four instead of the five or six in the original version. Do you consider yourself a true “Baby Boomer”? Here’s your chance to prove it. Get a paper and pencil handy to record your answers because if you’re a true “Boomer” you won’t be able to remember them anyway. Here are 25 relatively easy questions which you should be able to answer and which the younger generations may have some difficulty with. And no cheating!
1. What’s the quicker picker-upper?
A. Maxwell House Coffee
B. Bounty paper towels
C. United Airlines
D. None of the above.
2. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Flintstone vitamins
B. Wonder Bread
C. Milk
D. Cod Liver Oil3. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was…
A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Rudolph Valentino
C. Fabian
D. Cassius Clay
4. Look ma….. No cavities! A. Pepsodent
A. Pepsodent
B. Crest
C. Ipana
D. Johnson’s Tooth Powder
5. Pogo, the comic strip character said, ‘We have met the enemy and…..
A. It’s you.
B. He is us.
C. He’s really me and you.
D. He surrendered.
6. Good night, David . . .
A. Good night, Chet
B. Good night, Irene
C. Good night, Gracie
D. Good night, Steve
7. You’ll wonder where the yellow went…
A. When you use Tide.
B. When you clean your tub.
C. If you buy a soft water tank.
D. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.
8. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend…
A. Randy Goodman
B. Steve Reeves…
C. Maynard G. Krebs.
D. Corky B. Dorkus
9. Sometimes you feel like a nut — sometimes you don’t.
A. Snickers
B. Milky Way
C. Almond Joy & Mounds
D. $1000 Dollar Bar
10. Liar, liar…
A. On the wire.
B. Jump up higher.
C. Pants on fire.
D. Join the choir
11. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle
for truth, justice and….
A. Lois Lane.
B. World peace.
C. Red tights.
D. The American way.
12. Hey kids! What time is it?
A. It’s time for Yogi Bear
B. It’s Howdy Doody Time
C. It’s time for Romper Room
D. The Mighty Mouse Hour
13. Lions and tigers and bears..! …
A. Oh, no
B. Gee whiz
C. I’m scared
D. Oh my
14. It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature!
A. Old Spice
B. Chiffon Margarine
C. Vitalis Hair Tonic
D. Top Brass
15. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone….
A. Over 40.
B. Wearing a uniform.
C. Over 30.
D. You don’t know.
16. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s pantyhose…
A. Kenny Stabler
B. Joe Namath
C. Roger Staubach
D. Steve Young
17. Brylcream…
A. Smear it on.
B. Tame that cowlick.
C. It’s a dream.
D. A little dab’ll do ya.
18. Where’s the beef?
A. Burger King
B. McDonalds
C. Jack in the Box
D. Wendy’s
19. I found my thrill…
A. In Blueberry muffins.
B. Down at the mill.
C. With a man named Bill.
D. On Blueberry Hill.
20. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by…
A. Mary Martin.
B. Doris Day.
C. Errol Flynn.
D. Sally Fields.
21. Name the Beatles…
A. John, Steve, George, Ringo
B. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
C. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
D. John, Paul, George, Ringo
22. I wonder, wonder, who.
A. Was it you?
B. Who wrote the book of love?
C. Who I am?
D. Really loved you.
23. I’m strong to the finish…
A. Cause I eats my broccoli.
B. Cause I eats me spinach.
C. And don’t you forget it.
D. Cause Olive Oyl loves me.
24. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today.
A. Smile, you’re on Star Search.
B. Smile, we’re watching you.
C. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.
D. Smile, you’re on TV.
25. What do M & M’s do?
A. Make your tummy happy.
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket..
C. Melt your heart.
D. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Well, how do you think you did? I’ll post all of the answers in the next day or so and you can check your scores. Not to brag but I answered correct on all but one question on my first try so I’m now an officially verified “Boomer”. Have fun with it.
It’s finally Christmas Day. I’m still lounging around in bed and I plan on staying here as long as humanly possible. We had a great holiday celebration last night and the kids and their new son are now on their way to northern Maine to celebrate with his family. Snow has started and I’m sure we can expect quite a few inches over the next two days. I hope they get there safely.
Last night was fun with really excellent food and great company. We drank liberally, ate shrimp until we couldn’t eat anymore, and even got in a few hands of cutthroat Hearts. I suffered an embarrassing alcohol induced loss that I’ll never hear the end of.
The new grandson behaved like a little angel. Except for a couple of feeding trips to Mom he slept the entire evening. I was strong-armed into wearing a ridiculous red Santa shirt with matching hat and was officially dubbed a member of the Santa Helper’s Brigade. It was the baby’s first Christmas and my first time being Santa. There were enough really embarrassing pictures taken with the baby to haunt me for years to come.
I have to say we all received everything we could have ever wanted and then some. I probably won’t have any meaningful conversations any time soon with my better-half since she’s huddled over in the corner taking sweetly and softly to her new IPad. Now she won’t give me so much grief about paying more attention to my IPad than to her.
It may take a better part of the day to clean up the wrapping debris that seems to be everywhere. We heard the cat a number of times through the night rummaging through wrapping paper and having a great old time. He even received a few gifts which he appears to like a lot. He now has two mechanical mice to chase through the house when he becomes bored with playing with us.
We’re both looking forward to a lazy day of relaxation and a really nice standing rib roast for our dinner this evening. All in all it was a great holiday and well worth the time spent in preparing for it.
We hope yours was the same.
everyuselessthing.com 
A few days ago I posted a bit of humor about men visiting Lowes at different stages of their lives. I tag these types of posts as humor but as always there are a few of you out there who insist on taking things as a personal attack. I received a somewhat smarmy email from a gentleman in Canada who took me to task for having made men look too foolish. I won’t assume anything about someone who sees a posting described as humor and then takes time out of his busy day to write an email complaining about the humor. He truly must be a Canadian.
Being the fair minded individual that I am I’ll dedicate this HUMEROUS post in his honor with the hopes he has a women in his life who can explain it to him. If I’m going to receive stupid and inane emails I’d prefer them to be from women. As a warning to all of you folks in Canada, THIS POSTING CONTAINS HUMOR. Be on your guard.
What Woman Desire in Men
20’s
30’s
40’s
50’s
60’s
70’s
There you have it ladies. If you find any omissions or errors please drop me a comment or email with the particulars. I’ll immediately forward them to my new Canadian friend for his thoughts on the matter. I’m just kidding of course. My only message for Ontario Joe is BITE ME!
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