Archive for the ‘limerick’ Tag
I was awakened at 2:30 this morning by one of those annoying Mother Nature calls. I visited her briefly and upon returning to my bed, tried to fall back asleep. During those few minutes of half-sleep some of the words of the following limerick popped into my head. I made a quick note in my cell phone and went to sleep. This morning a did a little editing and the finished limerick was born. I have absolutely no idea where or why it came to me but here it is. This is for all of you limerick and nursery rhyme aficionados.
❤JACK & JILL❤
Jack and Jill climbed up a hill on Nantucket.
He brought a few condoms and she an old bucket.
The bucket was tossed, and Jill’s virginity was lost,
When she decided to fuket not suket.
(Who needs water anyway.)
❤❤❤
❤❤
🌻🌷R.I.P. Courtney🌷🌻
Stupid Headline
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Stupid Bumper Sticker
Be Careful-90% of People are Caused by Accidents
Smart Quote
“Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens.”
Aldous Huxley 1959
Stupid Quote
“If you stay here much longer, you’ll be slitty eyed”
Prince Philip to British students in China
Rude Limerick
A hapless young fellow named Schmuck,
Considers himself out of luck.
Though he’s petted and wooed,
When he tries to get screwed,
He finds that virgins don’t give a fuck.
THE WEEKEND IS COMING
First, a retro bumper sticker from the 1970’s:
SORRY, I DON’T DATE OUTSIDE MY SPECIES
Secondly, an off-the-wall NY Yankee headline:
A-Rod Goes Deep, Wang Hurt.
Thirdly, a quote all Americans should read and remember:
“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.”
Adlai Stevenson
And last but not least a memorable limerick about limericks:
The limerick’s an art form complex,
Whose contents run chiefly to sex.
It’s famous for virgins
And masculine urgings,
And vulgar, erotic effects.
STUPID HEADLINE
DEER WITH BIG RACK IS FEMALE, IT TURNS OUT
RETRO BUMPER STICKERS
I’M BI-COASTAL
RETIRED. NO PHONE. NO ADDRESS. NO MONEY
ANSWER MY PRAYERS. STEAL THIS EFFING CAR
BEYOND BITCH
BEER MADE ME WHAT I AM TODAY
STUPID QUOTES by Ralph Kiner
Ralph Kiner, Pittsburgh Pirates Hall of Fame slugger, was the broadcast voice of the Mets in the 60’s. For all of you baseball fans out there, here are a few of his gems.
“Today is Father’s Day, so to all of you fathers out there, we’d just like to say, Happy Birthday!”
“Solo homers usually come with no one on base.”
“Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April”
If Casey Stengel were alive today, he’d be spinning in his grave.”
ONE RUDE LIMERICK by Isaac Azimov
There was an old fellow from Tripoli
Who used to make love rather nippily.
Said his angry young lass
While rubbing her ass,
“Less teethily, please, and more lippily.”
🍆🍆🍆
THANKFULLY SPRING IS COMING SOON
JB was a naive little shit
Because no-one would tickle her tit.
It would’ve made her so glad
To be had by a lad,
Her panties moistened at the mere thought of it.
While undressing a nurse named JV,
Her seducer observed: “So I see
That a nipple a day
Keeps the doctor away,
Think how healthy these two must be!”
Christmas Eve the night of all nights.
Flying around delivering toys a delight.
It certainly helps when the flask from the elves,
Helps Santa sleep better at night.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
There was a farmer named Gary
Whose mule was getting contrary.
Gary painted him red,
A green hat on his head.
Sold him as a huge Christmas fairy.
A remarkable race are the Persians:
They embrace such peculiar diversions;
They make love all day
In the usual way,
And save, till the nights, their perversions.
Santa’s sleigh and GPS were upgraded this year,
With Alexa in charge of all eight reindeer.
Rudolph rudely told Santa, this change really blows,
As Santa screamed loudly, “Alexa, turn on his freaking nose!”
HO! HO! HO!
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