Author Archive
Another winter in Maine is finally taking it’s last freaking gasp and will soon be gone. I have only one thing to say to that, "Good-bye, Good Riddance, and Go Away". In my opinion it’s overstayed it’s welcome by at least two weeks already. It’s much like a house guest who stays too long causing you to start out liking them, then disliking them, and finally detesting them.
I’m sitting in bed refusing to get up and start another day with the same mind crunching routine which I’ve fallen into of late. I first wake up slowly out of odd and strange dreams which usually amuse me, but not today. I make a bathroom pit stop, feed the cat, get my coffee, and return to the bed with my IPad. As I begin writing I’m also thinking about my work list for the day and cringe a little. After ten minutes I return to the kitchen for another cup of coffee and more visualization of the tasks ahead of me.
The room remodel has taken over my days but is much c.loser to completion than this time last week. Ninety percent of the drywall has been installed with the final sheets in place by this coming Friday. Then it’s a few days of sanding, priming, painting, putting up the new fixtures, wall plugs, light switches and baseboards and then DONE.
In order to complete these kinds of projects you really must have the proper motivation or it could stall and never be completed. That’s the job of my better-half. I’ve called her many things over the years but for right now she’s my motivator. Part of her skill set is knowing just when to tweak my nose about things to restart my engines and then haughtily walk away pretending she doesn’t care in the least. Some people might call that passive-aggressive, but not me. I call that motivation with a twist. For example I hear things like this, "Oh honey the room is really shaping up and the drywall looks amazing. It always surprises me that you are able to do this work as well as you do. It looks like there’s a bit of a gap between those two sheets. Is it supposed to be that wide? Will it make the drapes I just bought look like their hanging crooked? Don’t forget to fix that before we start painting." And so it goes!
She has no subtlety at all. She started a week ago arriving home from her shopping trips with questions about what furnishings would look best in the new room. What kind of older, cool looking vanity she would purchase for her huge collection of makeup and lotions. She dragged me out one day to just visit a few stores for an hour or so. I ended up looking at throw rugs and other assorted furnishings for the new room. She’s about as subtle as a hand grenade.
Regardless of all the gamesmanship the room will be completed at least two weeks ahead of schedule. Hooray for me because I’ve been assured and promised there would be no more major projects until next Fall. The translation of that promise is actually this, "Honey, I think the living room is looking too peachy. I’m really sick of that color and maybe we should change it out before any of the summer guests arrive. What do you think?
Like I said, subtle!
Probably my favorite pass time is reading. If I have a free moment I almost always have a book with me or nearby to pick up and read. It’s been this way since I was ten years old when as I was walking home from school one afternoon and saw a box of books sitting at the end of a neighbors driveway for trash pickup. I stopped for a few minutes and began looking through them. Up until that time I’d been reading the occasional Edgar Rice Burroughs paperback of which there were many. They were a quick and easy read for a young kid and I really enjoyed them. I can’t even guess how much of my meager allowance went towards those books.
As I continued to scrounge through the box I found one that caught my eye. It was an old copy of Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne. I stuck the book into my bag, took it home, and relished every word in it. I sailed around the world with Captain Nemo on the Nautilus and deep sea dived in every ocean with his crew. I kept that book for many years but unfortunately while I was away serving my country it was discarded by my mother with most of my other books.
I’m reading more now than ever before but things are changing dramatically. With the advent of the Kindles and Nooks and the thousands of available ebooks it’s hard to keep up at times. As much as I love my Kindle, Nook, and IPad I can’t completely switch over from reading real actual books. I’ve really tried hard to make the change completely to digital but it’s seems impossible for me. When I read to relax the process of reading an actual book gives me great comfort.
I’ve always given my business to those small discount book stores that can be found if you really want to search them out. Every three or four weeks I visit a small one near my home to bring back books, get a credit, and buy another bag full. After my visit last week I find myself feeling very sorry for the proprietor. We’ve become friends over the years through our mutual love of books. He’s a former reference book author with many titles to his name and has settled in for the last few years of his working life to run his bookstore. He fears that the digital revolution in reading will eventually put him out of business and has resigned himself to that fact. He’d planned to run his store after retirement but that no longer seems a valid option.
I hope he’s wrong but that’s just nostalgia talking. I can’t imagine sitting with a young child on my knee and reading to him or her from a Kindle. The act of touching a book, turning the pages, and introducing a young child to millions of new experiences is the ultimate gift and I look forward to doing just that for my better-half’s new grand child. My better-half while not much of a reader has kept every children’s book she ever purchased for her kids who are all grown and gone. She understands the importance of those precious moments she shared with each of them as she read to them. We have a huge library of children’s books which have been stored for many years in the attic in anticipation of the expected grand children. They were unpacked and dusted off soon after her daughter announced her pregnancy last year.
I hope that books survive these modern day changes and in all honesty I’m not sure they will. Maybe it’s just me refusing to accept change. The best thing I can do is to pass my love of books and reading on to the new generations and hope they do the same with their children and grand children. If that happens then books will continue to survive and be enjoyed by many more generations of readers.
We can only hope!
Do you have termites? Are you aware of termites? If you answered yes to those two questions then you are eligible to participate in Termite Awareness Week celebrated between March 25-29. Another of those socially responsible and politically correct observances that no one ever pays attention to. I really don’t have more more to say in the matter since it’s a totally ridiculous observance. I just thought it was my civic duty to make everyone aware. What’s the point in having observances if no one is observing.
I’m about to rant a bit about a few things political so those of you with your heads in the sand may want to go elsewhere. This morning my better-half and I made the mistake of going food shopping at a local establishment. I hope your all as happy as I am to see the food prices continuing to skyrocket. It was also a good week for bad news for those of us on a fixed income. Medicare costs are climbing at a rate well beyond food costs, gas prices are climbing to near $4.00 a gallon, and my taxes are going through the roof. Am I I permitted to complain and bitch or is that against the rules these days. My Medicare Supplemental program just advised me that my monthly premiums will be increased approximately 55% in the coming months along with most of the deductibles and co-pays. Just good news all around thanks to the skilled crafters of the Obamacare Medical Plan and the big “O” himself.
My doctor of 12 years announced a month ago that he and his wife (also a doctor) had sold their practice and were leaving the country. It was no longer possible for them to afford to stay here under the preposterous government mandated Obamacare increases and restrictive rules. Remind me to thank the effing President for nothing except maybe destroying the countries healthcare system and the economy in one fatal swoop.
I hope all of you Obama supports will line up at the polls in a few years to help elect him for a third term. I figure he’s been working diligently to find a way to bypass the constitution once again and make himself President/King/Dictator for life. Then we can show the world what a second rate country we really are becoming with our own version of Hugo Chavez.
What a freaking nightmare!
I had a relatively interesting day today. I was able to accomplish a few things that weren’t planned and somehow those always seem the best. People joke about spontaneity when discussing love and personal relationships but you never hear it in relation to other things. I have to admit that everything usually returns to people relationships but every once in a while it’s possible to be pleasantly surprised by an unplanned encounter.
My first spontaneous conversation and introduction to someone new occurred this morning. On a regular basis I turn into a recycling, take care of the environment, conscientious "Greenie". Every few weeks or so I trek to a place to recycle bottles, cans, and plastic containers. It’s one of my assigned duties from my better-half to religiously collect all this crap, save it in large bags, and then deliver it for CASH. All of a sudden I didn’t mind recycling if there was cash involved. I agreed to this chore as long as all those nickels remained in my pocket and not into the household general fund. And so began my adventures in doing my part to save the freaking environment.
I manage to make about $20.00 every six weeks thanks in great part to my better-half’s beer bottle contributions and a great number of plastic water bottles. Truth be told it’s a huge pain in the ass but I do it to keep peace in the household which makes the effort worthwhile. Also the cat loves it because all of my pet related expenses are paid for from this small but important fund. If by chance we have a party or a lot of visitors during the summer months I might even I be able to embezzle enough of the cat fund for the odd bottle of gin. Don’t tell the cat because he’s a major league nag and I’d never hear the end of it. Any purchases that aren’t Fancy Feast or special treats will really make him hard to live with.
So I arrive at the recycling center which is a cross between a gigantic, stinky and smelly garbage can and a college frat house on Sunday morning. It truly is a disgusting place where no one stays any longer than necessary. As I enter the building dragging two huge bags of containers I bump into Ryan, the man in charge. In his twenties, six foot three, 60’s hairdo (not quite a mullet), raggedy ass clothes, and an odor just a little less awful than the surrounding piles of bottles and cans that are apparently his entire life. He manually sorts through my bags on a large table, plastic here, cans there, brown bottles over there, and white glass over here. He never writes anything down but when he’s finished, he spends a few seconds on a calculator and hands me a credit slip with my total redemption amount.
I was extremely skeptical when I first started using this facility and for the first five or six deliveries I pre-counted them at home just to check their counting procedures. I never found an error. The guy is freaking amazing but always accurate. I made the mistake today of starting a spontaneous conversation to see if I could distract him or trip him up in some way. We talked for approximately ten minutes while he scurried around sorting and checking the containers. He never missed a beat and his count was right on. The downside was the actual conversation because Ryan is really passionate about bottles and he spent those ten minutes telling me how he counts bottles and then a few war stories about some of his more unusual customers and their quirks.
I was trapped like a rat and couldn’t escape. He held me captive and talked about empty bottles until I just wanted to scream. OMFG! I now know way more than I ever wanted to know about his career choice and why he had the best job ever. I picked up my credit slip and got the hell out of there.
It was a smelly and disgusting experience but interesting in it’s own way. As a former business professional I always appreciated people who were passionate about their jobs. My good buddy, Ryan, was as passionate about his job as anyone I’ve ever met. He loves his job and tries desperately hard to excel at it. He actually tries to supply friendly and smiling customer service in an a garbage pile atmosphere which is amazing in and of itself.
I now know I can finally stop pre-counting my contributions because my bottles and containers are in good hands with Ryan. My cat need never worry about starving because Ryan is on the job.
It’s time for another installment of totally useless information. Normally I supply true facts that are strange, ironic, or unbelievable. Today I’m taking a page from the Main Stream Media who on a regular basis use the jokes told on late night television to gauge certain politicians standing with the American people. I’ve never really understood that type of polling since most of the material used by Leno, Letterman, Kimmel, and O’Brien is written by professional writers hired and directed by their corporate owners. Of course, they’re all totally unbiased politically.
I like a good laugh and joke as much as the next guy so I’ll pass these tidbits along simply as fun "one liners". Since this country thrives on "sound bites" this style of humor is all the rage. I need to enter a disclaimer here because I’m reasonable sure that all of these items are untrue. Enjoy them for what they are, just silly and stupid jokes.
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Einstein estimated that his Theory of Relativity got him laid more than one hundred times.
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The United States border with Mexico is over 2000 miles long but only six inches wide.
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Montana is the only state where "horseplay" is illegal.
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Ninety six percent of all wrong numbers involve a guy saying, "Larry?"
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Scientists who’ve been studying pigeons agree that they’re definitely up to something.
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In Westchester, NY, there is a barber named Tony DeBarber.
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Newton’s Fourth Law states "No fat chicks".
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Christopher Welden of Columbus, OH, is the only person ever to actually "laugh all the way to the bank".
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While their still not allowed to drive cars, as of May 2006, Saudi Arabian women may operate riding lawn mowers.
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During a screening of Neil Simon’s The Goodbye Girl at the Vatican, someone asked the Pope to remove his hat.
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When held by a person more than seven feet tall a ladle is just called a "spoon".
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In response to continued complaints the Campbell’s Soup company has removed the letter "F" from their alphabet soup.
Well there you have it. The first dirty dozen useless tidbits that might just make you smile but there are certainly no guarantees.
I’ve been listening to the political reporting very closely for the last few weeks and I’m seeing a number of things occurring that I warned everyone about more than a year ago. I can go into the specifics but I suspect it will do little or no good and a total waste of my time. Most of the people in this country have gotten too fat and far too comfortable to listen or believe what the Obama administration has been doing. They continue their relentless attack on our civil rights or what rights “We the People” have left.
I won’t get into the abuses of the NSA in the monitoring and collection of information on all of us under the guise of combating terrorists. Or the use of anti-gun rhetoric to collect more private information to add to the federal databases. They know that an attempt to ban or collect guns could create an uprising they couldn’t control and even possibly cause an outright rebellion. So they do the next best thing which is to scare the gun owners and manufacturers into agreeing to more intrusive background checks, gun registration, and other steps. This makes it much easier for Big Brother Obama to then track gun owners, their guns, and to collect as much additional personal information as they can.
I’ve watched Obama and his administration totally ignore and disregard the constitution since stepping into the office of the Presidency. I’ve also watched the Main Stream Media ignore almost every occasion in which attempts were made to violate the Constitution. Even the liberal leaning courts have given up our rights without flinching. Is this the beginning of the end of the United States as we know it? It’s a slippery slope when we allow our civil rights to be steadily worn away by greedy and conniving politicians out to feather their own nests.
The constitution apparently has lost the respect of many of the American people who seem more concerned with what they can leech out of the government rather than respecting how this country was created. I never took the term “nanny state” too seriously until recently. I’m sure our fore-fathers are spinning in their graves with what is occurring in the nation they founded. Listen to our first president and then look at what’s happening in our country now.
“The basis of our political systems is the right of the people to make and alter their constitutions of government. But the constitution which at any time exists, until changed by an explicit and authentic act of the whole people, is sacredly obligatory upon all.”
George Washington (1732-1799) Farewell Address 09/17/1796
When the left tries to influence public opinion it’s always “about the children”. Everyone is willing to give up more tax dollars and their civil rights to protect the children. What will happen to the children in twenty years when the government finally takes complete control of this country and suddenly reminds you, you no longer have any rights. It will too late then.
Just saying again.
I’ve decided to have a quiet and restful day today to catch my breathe and relax a little. My better-half is off to work in my car since her vehicle took a hissy fit this morning and refused to start (allegedly). I was awakened by her at 5:00 am from a wonderfully deep sleep to be brought up to speed about her car. It’s moments like that for me that test the limits of any relationship.
I became just conscious enough to tell her where my car keys were and for her to take my car. I immediately attempted to fall back to sleep but as you all know once your awakened it’s sometimes impossible. I laid in bed for another half hour and finally gave up. I threw on some clothes, had a cup of really awful coffee, and headed to the garage to address her problem.
You must understand that my better-half has super powers never before seen on this planet. She is Anti-Technology Girl and has the ability to just look at a piece of technology or machinery and cause it to not work. I cringe every time she walks by any of my computer equipment because sometimes that’s all it takes. She has the ability to cause any device with virtually no moving parts to malfunction repeatedly but only when she’s using it. It’s freaking scary sometimes.
She can pick up a brand new remote control that was working properly for me five minutes ago and have it fail. I try to humor her but at times it’s just not possible. Her list is endless; computers that make errors that are impossible for them to make, her car that never had a problem starting won’t start, and on and on it goes with no possible explanations from her.
Being the trained observer that I am I’ve come to the conclusion that the problem just might be her. She can’t set the time on a clock, she can’t do anything on a computer without retraining every week, and I’m the guy who gets to spend his life following her around to fix these problems.
All of that being said I just knew that when I arrived in the garage this morning that her car would start. I climbed into the car, turned the key, and it started immediately without any weird sounds or hesitation whatsoever. Oh, did I forget to mention what the first thing she asked me in my groggy half-awake state? "What did you do to my car? That statement alone should tell you the rest of the story.
It’s not often she’s rendered speechless about anything but when I called to tell her the car was fine I received a full five seconds of dead silence. I should call the Guinness World Record people since in my experience that is a world record if there ever was one.
Now I’m free to go about my life knowing I’ve solved another of her hundreds of mysterious problems that seem to fix themselves as soon as I arrive. That’s what every successful relationship is I suppose; give and take, good and bad, and about a ton of BS you both have to ignore to survive together.
Ain’t love grand.
Well, we’re buried under another foot of snow and I’m beginning to hate it. Mother Nature’s taking it upon herself to be annoying and there are a few hundred thousand people here in Maine who are no longer amused. Today was spent sitting in the house and looking longingly out the window for one ray of the ever illusive sunshine. After a few hours of that I was ready to fire up the snowblower and get to work. After clearing the snow I returned to the house to again sit and look out the window until the snow again piled up. Today that is my life.
Around 2 pm I retired to the man-cave for a few hours of computer time and some quality time with the cat. He was no help at all so in frustration I returned to my dry walling project. I set up an area in the garage and began to cut the drywall panels for the room remodel. What a mess. I finished enough panels to do about half of the walls and called it a day when I realized the longer I worked the more mess I was making. Falling back to an always available old saying, "all things in moderation", made it easy for me to clean up the area and walk away. My better-half, that burley female construction worker (sarcasm), assisted me in carrying the panels up to the second floor which was a real backbreaker for both of us. I felt a little better about returning to my snow watching after having accomplished something today. From weather reports it appears the storm will be lasting until sometime tomorrow so I’ll be snowblowing well into the night. Oh joy!
Fortunately my Harry Potter-2 X-box game arrived two days ago (thank you Amazon) and I was able to spend an hour or so creeping around Hogwarts castle looking for trouble. It’s was a great way to clear my head and relax (at least for me) for a little while.
Tomorrow the snow will stop, the roads will be cleared of snow, and I can get back into my spring time mindset. I can’t let this snow ruin my Spring Fever feelings.
I just spent a little quality time with my snowblower this morning. With another huge snowstorm coming our way I thought she might need a little pep talk before I send her out into another nasty old snow storm. I don’t think she was too happy to hear about this storm because she refused to talk to me or even look me in the eye. Snowblowers can be so temperamental if they’re not treated like God’s gift to all snowblowers. I gassed her up, wiped the dirt from her beautiful red body, gently checked her oil, and then rubbed her all over with a clean rag. It’s strange that this entire routine reminds me more than just a little of most of my previous relationships. I baby them, pamper them, feed them, clothe them, make love to them, and then maybe just maybe they’ll do something I request. I did say MAYBE because it’s never ever been a sure thing anyway.
It’s always amazed me just how all things seem to be related in so many ways. There are millions of men out there who love using sports metaphors to explain almost everything but since I’m not a sports fanatic I tend to go my own way. As with women most vehicles and machinery require exactly the same treatment if you expect to get anything in return. Cars, garden tractors, leaf blowers, wood chippers, and even things as small as battery operated face massagers need some TLC occasionally. I’ve found that bathing them regularly and talking softly to them really goes a long way to keeping them happy and working properly. As in all things a few loving caresses here and there won’t hurt either.
They all require constant attention and if they don’t get it then problems will almost certainly ensue. So men, always remember that all of your mechanical devices require all of your time and effort to keep them happy. God help you if they think they’re being ignored, there will be hell to pay.
All of my former vehicles demanded on occasion a nice warm bath as well as a vigorous rubdown with scented cleaners. I recommend that you make that part of your maintenance regime, you won’t be sorry. Spending a little time, effort, and gentleness will pay off in a big way if you play your cards right.
Talk to your vehicles as much as you can and never walk by without a gentle touch and a kind word. Snuggle up in those nice soft seats and don’t be afraid to gently stroke her every so often.
Give it a try and you won’t believe the results. Buy her a sweet smelling air freshener and maybe a cute set of floor mats and she’ll follow you anywhere. Gas her up regularly and maybe she’ll let you take her out on the expressway and blow the carbon out of her pipes and yours as well.
Just saying.
More good news today. After an entire week of forty-five degree sunny days, we have another effing snow storm working it’s way here from wherever the hell they come from. Once again we’re to be buried in more than a foot of snow. There goes that good old Spring Fever feeling right out the bloody window.
Today is sunny and wickedly cold but I’ll deal with the cold to have this much sunshine. It’s amazing what energy a little sunshine can create to help motivate me. I’m doing a small amount of work on the remodel this morning but nothing too strenuous. After all it’s Sunday and that supposed to be a day of rest, right?
Since it’s a lazy day for me I’m determined to do a few things that I’ve been procrastinating about for weeks. I spent some time cleaning my camera and lenses. Removing the silicon skin used for protection against my clumsiness is a pain but the camera needs a thorough cleaning. It’s something I should be doing on a regular basis but for some reason I never seem to make the time to do it.
Next is my work shop. It’s a freaking disaster area and while I might make some progress in cleaning it today, it’s going to take many more days before it’s anywhere near clean and functional enough. What I really need is a huge dump truck, a five gallon can of gas, and a pack of matches. Nothing says cleanup like a raging bonfire. I’ve promised myself that fifteen minutes after the last of the snow has melted there’ll be a huge bonfire and I’ll be feeding it until the workshop is emptied of trash and old wood scraps.
This snow storm is really screwing not only with my head but my Spring schedule. Mother Nature truly is a "heartless bitch". Our Spring and Summer seasons here in Maine aren’t very long as it is but these late snow storms are just salt in the wounds. I guess I’m becoming something of a whiny little bitch so I’ll shut and get on with things. Thank God It’s only a few stupid chores that are irritating me. I mean it could be much much worse. I could be returning to the workforce, right Lily?
It’s time for me to get to moving, stop complaining, and become a useful citizen once again. I hate that.
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