Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category
It’s 630am and I just finished watching Julius Caesar be murdered for the umpteenth time. What a bizarre way to start my day. I’m badly addicted to the late great HBO series, Rome, and watching it has slowly become my morning ritual. My fixation with all things Roman began in my junior year of high school with the reading of Julius Caesar and my three years of Latin language classes also helped. Later in college I became quite fond of wearing togas giving me a whole new appreciation for Roman ingenuity when it came to easy-removed clothing.
Over the years I’ve read almost everything I could find about that time period trying in vain to understand how such an advanced society could become so bloodthirsty and uncaring about human life. The history of the time gave me a great deal of respect for Spartacus and his minions who rose up and attempted to free themselves from slavery even though they were all killed in the process. I remain puzzled by the entire era which forces me to keep reading about it.
I’ve heard so many people over the years comparing the situation in this country to Rome’s decline and in some ways agreed with them. The only accurate comparison for me concerned the continuing lack of morality in Rome that seemed to increase year by year with their affluence. The United States seems to me to be in a similar rut but comparing the two in their entirety is like comparing apples with oranges.
I’ve been reading for the last few months a book written in the mid-1700’s by Edward Gibbons, The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. It’s a difficult read on a good day as are all books written by so-called intellectuals. There are as many footnotes as actual text in the book and I wanted to scream out loud before I made it through the first 100 pages. It became somewhat easier when I decided to completely disregard all of the footnotes and just read the actual text. I’ll probably finish reading this cumbersome tome in a few months but it won’t be easy. Unfortunately there’s just enough valuable information in it to keep me reading to the end.
I just finished my second cup of hot black coffee and I can feel my energy level beginning to rise. I’ll be spending some time today putting the finishing touches to a print I’ve been working on. It’s an abstraction of a family photo
taken last Christmas in front of the tree. It’s more of an experiment in the use of vivid colors while working with materials that are somewhat new to me. It’s preparing me for a more detailed and difficult project that I’ll be starting in the next few weeks using these same materials. As always practice and preparation make for a satisfactory completion of any project.
I’ll watch a few more minutes of Rome then get up to face my day. I should be safe since the Ides of March are still a few weeks away.
Are you a technology lover? Some people just put up with all of the new technology but really aren’t all that into it. I’m just the opposite. I love any and all technology and do my best to keep up with things as they progress. I never thought it could happen but I came upon some technology yesterday that annoyed and irritated me more than I thought possible.
My better-half and I were out and about enjoying the single digit temperatures and decided to do lunch at Applebee’s before returning home. Normally I’m an Applebee’s fan but they’re doing something now that just makes me a little crazier than usual. They’ve decided to put their customers to work by placing a small computer at each table. It just sits there and flashes advertisements and screensavers the entire time your ordering and trying to eat. They attempt to entice you to play some stupid trivia games so they can add $1.99 to your bill and keep you occupied while waiting for your food to arrive.
The place was very busy and there appeared to be a serious shortage of waitresses. We were made to wait much longer than normal for our order resulting in a barrage of apologies from the nearby bartender and a roving manager. We sat patiently for quite a while but then I began to get a bit annoyed. Eventually the food arrived and thank God it was delicious. Just as we were finishing our meal the bartender stopped at our table to ask the obligatory question they always ask, "How was everything?" At the same time she nonchalantly dropped the bill on the table and quickly walked away. Little did I know that they expected us to pay the bill using that little terminal at our table.
I’m a firm believer that people working in restaurants should earn their TIPS. If you’re rude, annoying, and slow you won’t get a TIP from me. If your on top of your game and do everything just right I’ll fork over a 20% TIP every time. I’ve been told that TIPS is short for "To Improve Personal Service" and I expect decent service before donating any of my hard earned cash.
I was then directed to just swipe my credit card through the terminal at my table and follow the menus to pay my bill. As the final bill was displayed I noticed a 20% TIP had been automatically added on. I found that magic menu button that allowed me to dial back the TIP to only 10%. While the food was delicious the service was slow and I had to do all the work of checking myself out therefore no 20% TIP.
Then the stupid computer asked if I wanted a receipt printed out or to have one emailed to me. The last thing I need is another company adding me to their email list so they can pelt me with a stream of unwanted food alerts. I indicated I wanted a printed receipt so I could verify the amount I’d paid before leaving the restaurant. I was then required to visit the bar to the only register where receipts were being printed. I was made to feel like some sort of primitive Neanderthal who still needed an actual paper receipt and couldn’t handle the technology. Since I’ve seen too many errors on bills over the years I don’t assume they’re always correct. This Neanderthal needs to see any possible discrepancies immediately and not a couple of hours later in an email.
I have a proposal for all of these so-called progressive restaurants. In the future I will enter, seat myself, and order my meal from the computer on my table. When it’s ready I can be alerted by the kitchen staff on the terminal, walk back, and retrieve my food. When I’m done I can take my dishes to the kitchen, pay the bill on the computer and have my receipt emailed. Then I would certainly expect a 20% reduction on my bill for all of the fine service I’d rendered. I’d never have to talk to or see any semi-interested employees or gushy and insincere managers. I’d just eat my food and get the hell out. What do you think about that?
I now have to admit that there is some technology that just plain sucks. There I’ve said it, once and for all. And for all of those Chili’s restaurants out there, I see you’ve also started this same nonsense as Applebee’s with your cutsy table computers. You’ll probably be seeing much less of my business as well.
The customer is always right or have you just forgotten that.
It seems that Winter has finally caught up with us. Up until now it’s been a relatively mild season as far as the snowfall goes. The temps have been up and down but noting too frigid until this weekend. Unlike many of the other northern states we expect to receive a lot of snow but the temperatures usually don’t go much lower than ten degrees during the coldest months.
My father had a quaint old saying for cold weather like we’re seeing this weekend. He always described it as "cold as a well diggers asshole" and if my mother was nearby it was "as cold as a well diggers elbow". Below zero temps with a good healthy wind were all of that and a bag of chips.
Last night my better-half and I spent our night at home babysitting the grandchildren. We had the good sense to stay inside and not be roaming around in sub-zero temperatures. The house was warm and cozy, the toddlers were reasonably well behaved, and another viewing of Alvin & the Chipmunks was in the offing (Just shoot me now).
Their parents were having a Valentines Day date night and weren’t expected to return until eleven. Just as the boys were finally falling asleep and Alvin and the Chipmunks were coming to an end they showed up much earlier than expected. The current temperature at the time was –2 degrees with a wind-chill of -15. It apparently was just too damn cold for them to do much of anything and they’d called it a night.
It’s now the next morning and I’m almost ready to leave this warm bed. Hot coffee might give me enough energy to pick up all the toys scattered throughout the house before having my bowl of hot oatmeal. I imagine I’ll be stuck in the house for another day or two which doesn’t make me very happy.
I’m moving slower than usual due to a late night awakening where I spent two hours playing X-Box LEGO Star Wars, reading three chapters of my latest book, eating a cookie, and returning to bed at 5am. This insomnia I’ve been suffering with for the last two months is just killing me.
I’m in a mood this morning. I have yet to decide whether it’s a good mood, a bad mood, or a I-don’t-give-a-damn mood. It depends more on my interactions today with other people than anything else. Normally I look for something funny or at least a little humorous to set me on the right track for the day but I’m actually feeling like taking a trip down the wrong road. This road leads to tasteless, gross, and raunchy humor. Be warned.
I think I’ll throw in a few filthy limericks, a dirty joke or two, some raunchy riddles, and anything else I can think of. Some of these items and photos might even gross you out a little but hopefully not too too much. Over the years I’ve purchased a number of books in old book stores filled with questionable humor and today I intend to share some of their contents with you. So let’s get started.
Riddles
Q. What’s the difference between frustration and panic?
A. Frustration is the first time you find out you can’t do it the second time, and panic is the second time you find out you can’t do it the first time.
Q. When do you know you’ve had the world’s best head?
A. You have to pull the sheets out of your ass!
Q. What’s the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
A. A rooster clucks defiance!
Q. Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in the masturbation contest!
Jokes
A young up-and-coming executive was informed that he would be forced to take a thirty percent pay cut. Later that evening he was discussing with his wife ways in which they could trim some fat from their household budget. “Honey,” he said, “if you could learn to prepare a few meals, we could fire the cook.” “Well, dear,” she replied, “if you could learn to fuck, we could fire the gardener.”
A urologist claimed that he could find any disease just by testing a person’s urine. One man, who had tennis elbow, decided to fool the doctor. He made an appointment, received his specimen bottle, and was told to come back the next day. That night he urinated in the bottle, then his wife did, followed by his daughter, and the the family dog. Then he masturbated into it as well. He returned the next day with his sample and gave it to the doctor for testing. Four hours later the doctor returned. “You know,” he said, “it took me a long time, but I think I’ve finally got it. Your wife has VD, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has mange, and if you’d quit beating off, you wouldn’t have tennis elbow.”
Limericks
All these small cocks (of which we won’t dwell)
Looked no bigger encouraged to swell; I’ve endured the tedium
Of others, classed medium,
But at last – I’ve discovered XL.
Said a President prone to give pecks,
To those areas other than necks:
“Although this is sultry,
It is not adultery –
I’m not even sure if it’s sex!”
-dedicated to Bill Clinton
A well-endowed chap with a cock,
Several sizes too big for his jock,
Eventually found
It was far better wound
Round one leg and tucked into his sock!
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam;
And loud was his mirth
For he knew that, on earth,
There were only two balls – and he had’em.
Well there you have it. What better way to start off your day and the weekend. These were just a rather tame samples of what’s to come (no pun intended). The next time I’ll use the harsher and crazier stuff.
February it seems is a rather boring and utterly useless month. It’s two biggest holidays are Groundhog Day and Valentines Day which says a lot about relevance to me.
It’s such a slow short month that all of our overpaid politicians are forced into action to show the electorate they’ll actually are doing something, even if it’s in February. I can’t list all of the observance that have been piled up into the shortest month of the year because there are just too damn many. The following partial list contains a few weekly observances for this week that will help make my point.
Celebration of Love Week: 7-13th
Children of Alcoholics Week: 7-13th
Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week: 7-14th
Dump Your Significant Jerk Week: 7-13th
Have A Heart for A Chained Dog Week: 7-14th
Jell-O Week: 7-13th
National Secondhand Wardrobe Week: 7-13th
Love Makes the World Go Round; But, Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week: 8-14th
I can just see and hear a group of politicos sitting in a local tavern on any given Friday night telling war stories to each other concerning all of their weeks accomplishments. "I finally got that ‘Dump Your Jerk Week’ observance passed. It’s been a year of hard work getting it pushed through and I was forced to call in all of my IOU’s to do it. It was exhausting work but someone had to finally get it done." His buddy sitting nearby had to do a little one-upmanship, "I had a tough week too. That observance of ‘Love Makes the World Go Round; But, Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week’ was a killer. I spent six months arm twisting damn near everyone to get it passed. The United States is now a better place for it."
I found only two daily observance for February 10th and they are just as stupid. I had to look up the word PLIMSOLL to discover it’s some sort of an athletic shoe. Who knew?
Plimsoll Day
All The News That’s Fit To Print Day
So a great big THANK YOU goes out to those geniuses responsible for cluttering up our lives with more useless crap. We shouldn’t be allowed to vote until we’ve been made to review all of these stupid observances to find out what politicians are responsible for them.
AND THANKS TO NH FOR KICKING HILLARY’S ASS.
‘1969 was an interesting year.’
How to kill an entire Sunday. Let me tell you how I did it. Yesterday my better-half was scheduled to work and I was looking forward to a day of peace and quiet and time to work on MY projects. How could I even dare to imagine something like that, I should have known better.
‘Who loves you Janis’
Unfortunately some months ago I made a commitment to her concerning the laptop she’d just purchased. I promised I’d help her setup the new laptop by transferring all of her photographs from the old to the new. This should teach me a valuable lesson for the future. Never volunteer for something unless you’re absolutely sure you know what your getting into. I thought I knew but apparently I was once again clueless.
‘The spooky Doors.’
I cleared off the kitchen table, fired up both computers, made a pot of coffee, and settled in for what I thought would be an hour or two of work. Oh how stupid I am. Little did I know just how many photo’s she had scattered throughout that hard drive of her old computer. She had pictures from multiple cameras going back six years. There were videos from both her IPhone and IPad and I kid you not . . . more than ten thousand pictures taken with an assortment of past and present cell phones. She apparently has never discovered the use of the delete button. It was a trash dump of photo’s placed on that laptop with absolutely no attempt at organization whatsoever.
‘Jumpin Joe Cocker’
As always I fall back to the old adage “When someone gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I found my own IPod and plugged it in, put on the headset and spent the next seven hours having a 60’s Flashback Sunday. I started out by listening to the entire three days of Woodstock with the original recordings. That required me to immediately switch from just coffee to coffee laced with Drambuie. I then cranked up Joe Cocker, The Band, The Yardbirds, The Hollies, Janis Joplin, The Doors, and even the Greatest Hits of War.
‘My favorite band, The Band. ‘RIP Levon’
At the end of the day I’d transferred no less than twenty-five thousand pictures to the new laptop and was suffering from a serious coffee buzz overlapped with a Drambuie buzz. There’s nothing better than Drambuie so after I finished transferring all the files I stopped drinking the coffee. From that point on it was Drambuie, Amy Winehouse and me. What a great way to spend the day and complete a tiresome project.
‘Sweet Amy’
‘Even sweeter . . . Drambuie on the lips.’
Today I’m back to what I’d call normal but still showing signs of a rather interesting hangover. For some reason my first cup of coffee this morning tasted strangely like Drambuie. How odd! I guess that’s one of the effects of time travel back to the sixties. Along with rocking out, a sore throat from all of the singing along, and being able to return home with no arrests or STD’s to show for it.
That’s what I’d call a good day in any decade.
I awakened yesterday to another snow storm that eventually dropped more than ten inches on us. It was one of those snows that seem to stick to every surface, covering trees and bushes and turning the area into a wonderland. It’s one of the few winter things that can get me to leave the house. As you can see my camera operates just fine in the snow.
Again this morning I discovered even more snow had fallen. I heard the snowplows a number of times during the night as they attempted to keep the roads clear enough to use. The last thing I did before going to bed last evening was to crank up my snowblower and clear the driveway.
My better-half was scheduled for work at 5:30 am and the last thing I wanted was to be awakened early today just to clear snow from the driveway. It’s 09:00 am now and I haven’t heard from her so I can assume you made it to work in one piece. This photo was taken early this morning just as the sun was coming up.
It’s just as beautiful out today as yesterday. The temperature dropped overnight which kept the snow sticking to the trees. Hopefully I’ll get motivated later this morning and get my butt outside for more pictures. Since I’m slowly recovering from this flu I can start getting my life back to normal once again.
I WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS WEATHER AS A KID
‘Here’s our hero.’
Day three of my third bout with a flu, a cold, or some other sort of virus. My best friend for the foreseeable future once again becomes phlegm. Sleeping has become impossible, the coughing never ending, and this fever just plain sucks. Welcome to my so-called life. I’d like to send a big THANK YOU out to all of those medical experts who told me a flu shot would solve all of my winter health problems. BS..BS..BS!!!!
Since I remain somewhat bedridden the days have been dragging along even slower than usual. I hate being even a little sick but this winter season has been the worst ever. It’s been one virus or flu after another for the last two months. I can’t take it anymore.
I do feel a little better now that I have whined to you and gotten most of the anger out of my system. My better-half has been suffering in silence (that is sarcasm) and hasn’t been getting much sleep either. I hope this virus goes away soon before she kills me in my sleep.
‘No really, he’s a good guy.’
Being bored to tears causes most people to do strange and unusual things. I decided to turn on Netflix and to watching the eight seasons of a crime drama called Dexter. If your not familiar with the show it’s about a serial killer who only kills other killers. It is one of the creepiest shows I’ve ever seen where show producers are attempting to convince the audience that the serial killer star is somehow a victim of circumstances. I guess that means if you kill somebody and you had a tough childhood, it’s understandable and the rest of us should be more sympathetic. Screw that. The show went off the air in 2013 with huge ratings and millions of viewers and good riddance to it in my opinion.
This show plays to everyone’s morbid curiosity about death and serial killers for nothing more than stupid TV ratings and money. Say what you will but anyone with children who allows them to watch this crap should be arrested. Nothing like filling the minds of a generation of young people with the thought that killing and dismembering someone is okay if they’re bad people. It’s ridiculous and morally unacceptable but continues to show the downward spiral of the entertainment industry which has been going on for some time.
Is it any wonder that many of the most popular movies on the market these days are animated and made for kids. The people in this country know what’s worth watching and what isn’t or so I thought. The fact that it hasn’t been figured out by the cynical Hollywood crowd is no big surprise either. It’s all about the money and the hell with any consequences.
I’ve criticized this show a number of times when it was being aired and will continue to do so now that Netflix insists are enlarging it’s audience by tens of millions of viewers.
This posting has been my last major rant on the subject and I still hate the show’s approach to TV and their audience.
GREEDY HOLLYWOOD BASTARDS
I hate to admit this but I suspect I’m suffering from something akin to writers block. It’s a first for me and it’s puzzling. In all my years of writing reports, letters, and thousand of blog posts I’ve never had a problem thinking of ideas and putting them to paper. That’s why this current creative hiccup is so bothersome.
I can’t find any mentions of this malady anywhere so let’s just call it a "creative motivational block". I’m still having all of the creative ideas I could ever want or need but my ability to sit down and get them started has become more difficult. I have of dozens of ideas everyday that are inventive, interesting and unusual but it seems to take forever to put brush to canvas or pencil to sketch book. It’s maddening.
The second part of my problem is really not a problem at all. For the first time in my life I’m financially able to spend the necessary money to obtain the supplies needed to do these projects. In years past it was difficult at times to come up with funds which forced me to step outside the box a little and use materials I never thought possible. Maybe the best part of my projects in the past was that ability to overcome those challenges and still get the job done. I really don’t know for sure.
As always the ideas keep coming and while some of them sound good in my head they’re eventually discarded. Others are easy to do and all it requires of me is to sit down and get started. That’s the bloody rub.
I’ll be ready to start a current project when all of a sudden more bright ideas come to me and I get sidetracked by them. I’ll stop to write a few notes on the new ideas and the interest in the other begins to ebb. It’s a vicious cycle that I’m trying desperately to put a stop to with only moderate success.
I feel at times that I’m so concerned with getting my ideas exactly the way I imagined them that I’m losing the ability to adapt to changes that always seem to come along. I’m in the middle of a project now that I’ve been fiddling with for a few weeks. I’ve thought it through over and over again and visualized it to completion. It’s ninety percent complete but I’m lacking that final push.
I’ve always loved challenges but this one is a doozy.
I’ve been hearing weather rumors that we might be getting a few days of warmer temperatures. I hope it’s true because being housebound is starting to make me crazier than usual. My better-half and I have been out a few times just to run errands but it’s been too cold to take those long walks on the beach or in the woods that we like so much.
After just a few weeks of freezing temps the house is already covered in ice and the build-up on the eaves has begun. If we’re lucky this warm-up might just be enough to get the ice melting and dropping to the ground. As you can see by these photo’s there is ice hanging everywhere.
The snow hasn’t melted off much yet and a few inches still remain. From the amount of tracks in our backyard there appears to be quite an assortment of wildlife roaming around after dark. Some of the tracks are a little unusual making me wonder exactly what I’ve been missing. Maybe we have a Bigfoot or two hiding in the woods or just one helluva big dog, bear, or deer. Who knows?
If the weather gods agree I hope to get back into the woods for a few hours this week. Since the snow is only a few inches deep it won’t be necessary to unpack the snow shoes from storage. There always seems to be plenty of interesting things to photograph at this time of the year and some hearty wildlife to chase around for an hour or two.
We’re about three months from getting back outside to begin some of the garden preparations prior to planting. This winter has sped by so fast and Spring will be here before we know it. Then it will be back to work.
CAN’T WAIT!
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