Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category
In my effort to maintain some sort of handle on our modern day culture I spend a portion of my time exploring the odd and weird corners of this wonderful tool called the Internet. You’ll notice that nowhere in that last sentence was the word FUN mentioned. The reason being that most of the time there is no fun involved.
I may have made a few mentions in the past concerning women, their foibles and humorous approaches to life in general. Sometimes they are interesting and sometimes not so much. Today it’s time to even things up a little and give some men the boot in the ass they seem to deserve.
I landed on a web site recently called askmen.com where a list of the Top 99 Women of 2013 had been created and posted. I’m not sure how you determine the 99 Top Women for 2013 when it’s only April. I guess if you’re a women who does something really great or interesting in the last eight months of this year, you don’t count. The site is a little unclear who was responsible for making this list or the requirements needed to be named. Is it the prettiest, the sexiest, the smartest, the biggest boobs, the nicest ass, or what? I still don’t know.
Being the curious person that I am I began at the bottom of the list with Berenice Marlohe. Who the hell is that you ask, why it’s the newest James Bond girl. My first thought was “So What!” Then to Kim Kardashian, who needs no introduction to her stupid and ignorant fans in this country. Next I find Kate Moss, the former drug using model who now gets naked so she can appear with Rihanna in the magazine "V".
Let’s recap so far. One untested actress, one money hungry TV slut, and one second rate model forced to show her goods as a backdrop to Rihanna. That tells me immediately this is not the list of possible women role models for our younger generations nor is it the list of women who’ve made any noticeable contributions to our society. It’s the list of what some unknown list-maker has decided are the most sexy and easiest babes to look at. I might be forced to question this list-maker’s qualifications because in my opinion he doesn’t have a clue. I don’t want to get into a rant on this subject just yet so let’s check out a few more of their so called candidates for fame and fortune.
Next is Paula Gretsky, daughter of Wayne. Fresh from her bikini shoot at Maxim magazine. Then comes Raquel Diaz aka Rocsi, a BET video show hostess, and then Jenna Marbles, a former YouTube sensation, who put out a half-assed video that happened to go viral. WTF is going on? I should tell you now that Jennifer Lawrence was the number one selection for 2013 and that Charlize Theron came in at number 97. This list-maker is either blind, stupid, or fifteen years old. Does that make any kind of sense to you at all? It doesn’t for me.
I’ve always gone out of my way to defend my gender but it’s times like this I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. This web site should be avoided at all costs and I won’t be providing a link to it here. These so-called lists created from their so-called readership seem to me to be bogus. It’s just a cheap and lame attempt to drive the hit rate of their site with as many hot female bodies as they can find. It’s the same scheme used by Sports Illustrated every year with their Swimsuit Edition. Hey guys, it’s already been done to death so please stop. As a man I’m a little embarrassed by the whole thing and so should all of you.
It appears that I’m finally on the mend from this damn virus that’s been kicking my ass for the last week. I still sound like someone’s gravely voiced uncle but I can live with that for a few more days. Being sick is a triple curse for me. First your sick as a dog, second your stuck in the house usually in bed, and thirdly you can’t stop coughing. You can only read so much before you’re forced to watch television and there’s the rub. It’s like being shot and then hung.
These last few days have convinced me to consider canceling our TV service when the current contract expires. I can’t take the endless commercials and the low caliber of programming that has slowly been turning my mind and everyone else’s to mush. I’ve had it with all of the “redneck” programs that make all of us look like effing hicks to the rest of the world. It’s ironic that the program that supplied me with the information needed to cancel my subscription, I saw on TV.
I remember back in the day when cable TV was a new novelty. The way it was initially sold was an ad campaign that was total and absolute BS. It was called "Pay TV" then and we were all assured for a small monthly fee we would be commercial free forever. Then slowly but surely the fees began to grow, the commercials returned in a big way, and all of a sudden it’s costing me upwards of one hundred and fifty dollars a month for viewing programming that is almost fifty percent commercials.
When I began approaching retirement I decided to simplify by life. I got rid of my old land-line telephone, all of my premium channels, and returned to just a basic cable package. The cable company then added surcharges and taxes which brought my monthly figure almost back where it started before I cancelled the premium channels.
Then I moved in with my better-half who was burdened with an almost $200.00 a month bill of her own. We immediately took steps to reduce our combined bill but Time Warner is a devious enemy. We reduced everything back to basic cable but with our Internet charges we were still paying over a hundred dollars a month. The cable companies claim it’s impossible to offer a menu type system where you order the channels you really want and aren’t forced to pay for thirty or forty you never watch. How convenient.
We cancelled a large portion of our package but since it changed our "bundling" (the newest word used to screw all of us) they couldn’t lower our costs all that much. After it was all said and done we were still paying $110.00 a month after the surcharges and BS fees were added. We were both unhappy with the results of our efforts so we cancelled all of our Time Warner’s services except for the broadband Internet. We then subscribed to the Dish network for two years and were initially charged an introductory price of $38.00 a month for one year. They told me that after the first year the monthly price would be increased somewhat. The first year passed and the price increased with fees and surcharges to $68.00 per month. I’d call that more than substantial.
Arguing with cable companies is useless. They have their own agenda which is to get as much money from us as they possibly can and believe me, nothing else matters. I think a reasonable price for Internet and basic cable should be no more than $85.00 a month with fees and surcharges. Any more than that is just highway robbery.
We’ve reached the point where desperate times call for desperate measures. At the end of our current contract with Dish we’ll be canceling the satellite cable package and retaining only the Internet service from Time Warner. We’ve decided to then subscribe to Netflix ($9.99 a month) for an endless selection of movies and Hulu Plus ($7.99 a month) for almost any TV programming we’d like to see. Our total cost at that point will be approximately $57.97 a month, well within what we consider a reasonable cost. Another added plus is that almost all commercials programming will disappear from our life.
This is a trend that seems to be happening everywhere by many of us. It gives the old saying “vote with your feet” new meaning. If enough people walk away from these cable monopolies then changes will occur and prices will begin dropping.
Just as a common courtesy I thought I’d let everyone know that as I ended yesterday’s posting I was hoping and praying for a really sexy massage but a little worried about a threatened enema. I received neither and on one hand I’m happy and the other hand not so much. It was an all or nothing deal and I had to turn it down because I’m chicken.
It’s always been that way for me. it’s never someone just offering me a nice kiss on the cheek but someone promising that kiss then kicking me in the balls as well. Carrot and stick all at the same time. If you can avoid that situation I would highly recommend it.
Since I’m still under the weather I’ll spend my day today on the computer continuing the sorting and cataloging of my photographs. I’ve almost completed the job which has taken just about forever but ever time I return home with my camera I have another hundred or so photo’s to review and sort. And no I don’t keep everything. If I take a hundred photos from my camera I may keep twenty-five. A quick skim through them usually reveals very quickly which ones just suck and have no real value.
My standard routine is to take at least four shots of every photograph. It still amazes me how much difference takes place in just a second or two from the last one. As a general rule the very first snap usually is the keeper. Not always but more often than not. It just goes to show that my first thoughts and actions in that specific moment were correct, most of the time.
I may spend a little time today playing with my Photoshop program. I normally don’t edit my photographs because I want them exactly as they were when taken. I’ll on occasion edit a few as a novelty and print them up for friends and family but in my opinion untouched photo’s are always the way to go. I’m still something of a novice with Photoshop but it’s fun to play around with which can only increase my proficiency.
I’m hoping by tomorrow I’ll be permitted to leave the house. Just between you and me, regardless of the warden’s wishes, I’ll be getting out of here for a few hours. A little fresh air can only help and even if it doesn’t, so what. I have to admit that I’m a terrible patient and even though my better-half is trying to help I still can occasionally be a pain in the ass. Hard to believe I know.
Well, tomorrow is another day with the promise of sunny weather, a quick and undetected escape from this house, and freedom, freedom, freedom.
This has been a slow news day for me. I was so excited to complete my room remodel that I celebrated a little too much and got stupid a whole lot. The sun was shining, the temperature was in the high sixties, and I was on the deck catching some rays and loving life. Portions of our deck are protected from the wind so I was hot and sweaty in the sun but then when the wind shifted the temperature dropped about fifteen degrees. I didn’t let it phase me or so I thought.
Last night at nine I started feeling a bit flushed and then a little clammy. Right as I was going to bed I felt that well known indicator of bad things to come, a scratchy throat. I hoped and prayed I was wrong but I knew I wasn’t. At three in the morning I woke up coughing and with a light fever. At four I was awakened because I was having difficulty breathing from congestion in my head and chest. It was quickly becoming a really bad day.
I seem to have lost the good health battle to a rather fast moving virus of some sort. I honestly don’t think it’s the flu because of the speed at which it’s progressing. I’ve been low on energy all day today and been doing all of the normal run-of-the-mill remedies to help myself through this. Lots of liquids, rest, an occasional throat lozenge, and a few Tylenol. It’s now four in the afternoon and things are status quo.
I hate being sick and confined to bed but my better-half (the female warden of this prison) has laid down the law. I’m in freaking jail with no chance of parole at least until the fever breaks. I’ll only be allowed out to play with the other kids after I start feeling better and when I stop being a whinny baby (her choice of words, not mine).
So this posting will lack my normal sarcastic bent because my head hurts and I’m in dire need of a lengthy but loving back rub. The warden says if I’m good I can watch some TV and she’ll make me some chicken soup. Screw the soup, I want a really detailed and thorough sponge bath with all the trimmings. It would lower my rising temperature, clean my filthy body, and give me a cheap thrill or two if she does it just right.
So that’s it for today. I can see the warden heading my way with that Nurse Ratched look on her face. I hope she’s not going to try that enema thing again. LOL
Well today is the day when the ever-so-lame Earth Day is celebrated. I’ve never celebrated this day the same way I don’t recognize or celebrate Kwanza. All you "Greenies" out there can get as excited as you like today but not me or mine.
Her are a few facts about how Earth Day was started and by the POS who was responsible. Read and learn all you Green fools about one of your demi-gods who cared more for the planet than the life of an innocent women.
I’ve been around since the inception of Earth Day by Ira Einhorn and his half-assed hippy movement and while some of the initial ideas were valid concerning abuses of the environment it has now evolved into a semi-religious movement with goals and political aims that go way too far and are harming the country. Everything green becomes more important than life itself. The movement has no respect about another persons property rights, their jobs, or the devastating effect many of the stupid EPA laws have had on unsuspecting citizens and businesses.
As in any movement you must look at the leader for his ideas and credibility. Einhorn to me is just a stone-cold killer who thinks the laws of society don’t apply to him.
Ira Samuel Einhorn, a.k.a. “The Unicorn Killer” (born May 15, 1940), is a convicted murderer, and American activist of the 1960s and 1970s. He is now serving a life sentence for the 1977 murder of Holly Maddux.
How many Earth Days has “Holly Maddux” missed since she was beaten to death by Einhorn, stuffed into a trunk, and stuck in a closet. It took more than twenty years to find, arrest, return him to this country, and convict him.
To quote the murderer: “Underlying the themes of Earth Day is a call for mankind to align itself with nature, and against itself, enlisting human beings to take part in a battle that seeks to place humanity under the control of an enlightened elite, one that values the interests of nature above that of people.
If your interested click here to learn more about the case:
IRA EINHORN’S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
My drywall frustration continued again today shortly after I started priming the ceiling. I’m enough of a realist to understand that no matter how hard you try it’s almost impossible to do a remodeling project in an old house that is just perfect. I accepted that fact and decided early on I would deal with those problems as they occurred. Well, they did.
I purposely made the decision to for this to be a winter project and to take as much time as necessary to do it right. From the first that freaking ceiling was a problem. It wasn’t level and the room wasn’t square but I fixed each issue as best I could and proceeded on. In my heart I knew that no matter what there would be certain areas I could never get perfect.
As soon as I began painting today I discovered a new drywall rule of thumb. Everything good is really bad and everything bad is really good. Every area that I was concerned with turned out perfect and the two areas I was worried the least about became the biggest problems. One area couldn’t be properly fixed and will require additional repair work once the remainder of the room is completed. It’s just so damn frustrating.
Enough with the damn remodel. I finally made my way outside and it was the most gorgeous day so far this month. I managed to complete some of the yard cleanup, chatted with a neighbor or two, and cleared my head of remodeling issues. After my better-half arrived home from work we sat down and began to plan the garden. What and where we should plant, buying additional soil to fill the frames, and a possible expansion of the garden to allow her to plant thirty of forty of the larger species of sunflowers. It was an hour well spent that will make this year’s garden preparation less of a challenge.
One of our neighbors stopped by and he really has a bad case of garden/spring fever. Over the past few summers he and his wife created a basic home garden and discovered how much they enjoyed it. This year their two young daughters, ages five and seven, are becoming more involved. The girls are are ready to jump into things immediately and have already started a few seeds and can’t wait to get a little dirty with their mom and dad in the garden. It should a great summer for all of us exchanging gardening tips and canning techniques. I’m looking forward to my first visit from his girls to talk about our gardens. They’re too cute to be believed.
My book reading goal was reached last night when I completed both my sci-fi and non-fiction novels. I read well into the night and had a great time in the process. Now I can finish the third book at my leisure and take a little time to properly enjoy it.
Slowly but surely I’m making progress.
There are a few things that are unavoidable in life. Death and taxes come to mind but a few others are almost as unavoidable especially if you’re a man. I’ve been around longer than I care to admit and that in itself has inevitably forced me to closely study and attempt to understand the human female. As hard as it is to believe, I’ve made very little progress. On any given day I’m confronted with comments from women about guys “leaving the seat up” or “being difficult to talk to” and a host of other broad-brush criticisms. All I can do is smile a little, say nothing, and be amused by the fact they really don’t understand us either.
Today was a perfect example. I was asked along on one of her famous shopping excursions so I prepared as I always do. I packed my e-reader, one book, and my camera. This is the basic survival equipment required for these short local shopping trips. I also have several other necessities I require for extended shopping trips that last more than three hours including but not limited to binoculars, a back scratcher, a pillow, and a a warm fuzzy blanket. Being a former Boy Scout I’m still a big believer in the motto, “Be Prepared”. I need these things to keep me comfortable as I wait in the car in front of every Kohl’s, Target, Michael’s, and Wal-Mart. The alternative is go in and push a cart around for a mile or two and idiot watch. Do I get any credit for just keeping her company? A big no. It’s always something like “you men, you never want to be with us. You just sit in the car and play with your toys”. How’s that for gratitude? I’ll have you know anything I own that cost me more than $400.00 is no freaking toy. Sorry, it just had to be said but unfortunately only the men are listening.
I have a few other issues with women but no one seems to pay much attention to my thoughts and conclusions. Simple stuff, like why does it take fifteen minutes to pull a car into the garage and get out. I’ve timed my better-half many times and it’s never takes her less than ten minutes. Gotta check the hair and the makeup (for some reason), then she goes through her bags (always carrying at least two), checks the back seat, glove compartment , and possibly her pulse and blood pressure as well. Do I loudly criticize her for these things? Not anymore. I gave up even mentioning them years ago because it was a waste of time. It goes in one ear and directly out the other.
What are my conclusions. I have none. But as a human male who is a long standing member of the Men’s union and a continuing target for female criticisms (valid or otherwise), I’ll keep trying to make sense of it all.
A few juicy wisecracks immediately come to mind but today I’ll ne nice. I won’t use them except in my own defense if she starts getting feisty when she can’t find clothes that will fit. I’ll do my best to convince her it’s not the fault of all the men in the world that she can’t fit her ass into a pair of jeans. I guarantee you she won’t believe a word of it.
This is what I would call a text book example of what a women would consider a normal relationship. They talk and we listen, just perfect.
Please, can someone explain to me just how I can go about getting "writers block". It seems the only way I’ll be able to get some rest is if I can’t write anything at all. Slowly over a period of time starting about three years ago my mind went into overdrive. Now I find myself waking up in the middle of the night, sometimes more than once, with ideas demanding my attention.
At first I would get up, grab some coffee, sit at the computer, write out a quick draft, and then return to bed. That got old very quickly so I decided to keep a notepad next to the bed. I could then just roll over and jot down notes without getting up at all. That sucked almost immediately when I had difficulty reading my half-asleep handwriting. Finally I purchased a small handheld recorder which didn’t work either. My recordings were so bad I sounded like I had a mouthful of rocks. Scratch that idea.
Well guess what I’m doing now. Since I refuse to get up and get on the computer and I can’t write or record anything I understand, I’ve been stricken with an annoying case of insomnia. I’ve experienced a number of things over the years that were unpleasant but this is by far the worst. I’m awakened from a dead sleep and begin to recite to myself the thing that so rudely woke me up.
I’ve since tried dropping a couple of Tylenol PM’s before bed which helps me get to sleep but not to stay asleep. I tried alcohol but unfortunately for me it’s more of a stimulant than a sleep aid. It’s driving me just a little bit crazy of late because the only time I seem to get any sound sleep is in mid-afternoon for no more than twenty minutes at a time.
Another side effect which my better-half has mentioned on a number of occasions is that it’s making me just a bit cranky. My normal fun loving self has slowly morphed into a newer and more sarcastic Don Rickles. I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that this crap has to stop. I cleaned up the actual language she used because this is supposed to be a "G" rated blog and I understand how sensitive some of you are. The point she’s trying to make is that the more screwed up my sleep is the more miserable, unfriendly, and argumentative I’ve become.
I’m hoping these problems soon rectify themselves with the beginning of Spring, warmer weather, and increased physical activity. If they don’t I could be in big trouble.
Each morning I try to write the drafts of my blog postings while relaxing in bed and at the same time keeping up with current events on TV. One thing that irritates me even more than the never-ending infomercials for products is the never-ending religious infomercials by a bunch so called preachers. How stupid do you have to be to believe that someone requires a half-hour long infomercial to save your soul. It’s for the effing money you fools.
Over the years and after a great deal of collecting and reading all types of information I’ve come to the conclusion that organized religion as we know it hasn’t convinced me of anything except to remain totally skeptical. To quote a comedian with a wicked sense of humor, "I have no problem with a universal deity but I do have a problem believing in one that takes attendance". It’s nothing more than an attempt to be funny but it’s simple thoughts like that that cause a person like me to think.
I’ve tried for many years to read as much about as many religions as I could and gotten nowhere fast. The mere fact that there are so many religions bothers me the most. It’s my opinion and belief that if there is only one God, with one basic message, then there should only be one religion. Man-made religions with miracles and visions and other assorted nonsense leave me cold. They continue to be more a source of amusement for me than anything I can take too seriously. That being said, I am a big believer in the natural order of things. Science is not a religion to me but scientific studies have convinced me that the natural order of all things will remain as fact long after most religions have crumbled into dust and been forgotten.
One thing that sticks with me throughout all of my attempts to believe in something supernatural or godlike is the term "karma". As stated by Isaac Newton’s Third Law, "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". It’s simple and basic and believable. You can call it "karma" or use any term you’d like. The term isn’t important but the facts of the matter will always remain constant. I’d like to believe that in the grand scheme of things there is a power that helps maintain a balance in all things. It just the old and overused biblical quote of "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth" taken to it’s logical conclusion. You treat me well and I’ll return the favor. If you do good, it will come back to you ten fold and as a balance if you do evil it will revisit you as well.
Two of my favorite sayings have always been; "what goes around, comes around" and "always do the right thing, no matter the consequences". To me they seem to say the same basic thing. It’s not a religion but good old common sense. Do we really need every common sense thing reiterated and interpreted by human prophets who are no more intelligent than most of us already are? I think not. As in everything else, when humans get involved things get twisted, misinterpreted, and turned into issues of money, power and control.
I try to live my life with my own self-imposed laws of proper behavior without having things dictated to me by other humans claiming they were chosen to deliver these messages by a higher power. I find that offensive and I chose to go my own way. My laws will always be the same, they will never change, or be misinterpreted. When the day comes when I have to answer for my life and my actions, I’ll be ready. Will they?
I hesitate to get into this subject since it’s not something I’ve ever been very good at. I’d like to talk about texting in general and also about sexting in particular. To me they’re similar enough to discuss as one topic since both seem to be the "thing to do" these days.
I’m someone who lives for technology in most things and I work very hard to stay on top of the latest and greatest trends. Some things like sexting and texting just never really appealed to me because I’ve always been more of a hands-on kind of guy when it comes to the opposite sex. It’s my belief that if you want someone to respond sexually to you, you do it in person. Why is it necessary to text at all? Put me on speed dial and hit the damn button if you have something to say, especially if it’s something erotic. Hearing the words spoken by someone who I desire is way more erotic than a text message that could be sent by damn near anyone.
I understand that texting and sexting are all the rage with many of the younger generation because it’s so much easier to say outrageous and erotic things on a computer. Young women can get as crazy as they want, say anything they want, and all too often send pictures and videos thinking it’s safe and won’t easily get distributed. Sorry girls but just think about it. You sext your heart out to someone you think you love and want to be with. Two weeks later the magic has disappeared and he walks away after sending your photo’s, videos, and sext messages to all of his friends. Nothing on the net can be totally controlled no matter how hard you try. You should never forget that, ever!
As I was recently surfing around the net I discovered a few sites giving advice on how to talk dirty with sexting. I won’t link to them from this blog but if your really that interested just look around a little, they’re everywhere. This first list is suggested sexts from men to women.
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"Passed the lingerie shop, and thought of you."
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"Are you wet in the right places?"
"I need to feel you."
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"When I think of you, everything gets harder."
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"What are you wearing under your clothes."
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"Are you ready for some ecstasy?"
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"My hands feel empty without your breasts."
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"I want to be inside you."
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"You need a tongue bath."
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"Meet at the door naked."
Tell me ladies, do these really do anything for you? I find them just a little lame and would be more than a little embarrassed sending them to anyone. Now lets check out a few examples of some suggested sexts sent by women to men.
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“I’m imagining you all over my body.”
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“My clothes feel so uncomfortable right now, come and help me get out of them.”
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“I can’t stop thinking about what you’re going to do to me tonight.”
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“Does it make you hard to imagine me standing naked.”
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“I’m dying to please you tonight.”
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“I want you in my mouth.”
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“I’m so horny, do you want me to keep myself warm until I can see you.”
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“I want to stroke you all the way to heaven.”
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Does it turn you on knowing that I wrote this txt with one hand because my other is busy.”
I’m sorry but if these were sent to me by any woman I’d be a little amused but far from aroused. A number of years ago when texting and sexting first arrived on the scene I met and dated a young lady who was truly addicted to sexting. She drove me crazy with dozens of messages all day long and the harder I tried to tell her it wasn’t my thing the more persistent she became. I then told her that I was too cheap and refused to spend my hard earned money just to receive unlimited sexts from anyone. On our next date she gave me an unexpected gift, a new cell phone. She demanded that I carry that cell phone which was set up for unlimited texts and that I respond to her sext messages with some good dirty talk of my own. Shortly after that she sent me her first few nude photo’s which helped me to decide to break things off. I returned her telephone unused and disappeared from her life. Just not interested.
Here are a few additional stats I found interesting but a little scary. Our friends over at Harlequin Publishing ran a survey of their readers with the following troublesome results:
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43% of women talk dirty through texts.
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Two-thirds of that 43% said they’d only send racy messages while in a serious relationship, while 35% only needed a few dates before they’re ready to start sexting.
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27% of women admitted to sending nude pictures via email or text messages.
Well there you have it. It appears that this sort of interaction is here to stay in one form or another. That doesn’t change anything for me though. I’ll always prefer to hear my soulmate whispering softly to me on the telephone as she’s speeding home to be with me.
I wish all of you ladies the best of luck. It’s a dangerous world out there so please be careful with what your sending onto the net. I’m reasonably sure I’ll eventually be reading some of what you’ve sexted to your lovers if you continue putting it out there. There’s one thing we all should know by now, once something is on the net it’s there forever.
