Archive for the ‘Looking Back’ Category
I’m still waiting . . . . for what you might ask . . . . for dryness. This last week here in Maine was like the monsoon season in India except for the bone chilling icy cold nights. I mentioned in a recent post about all the effing leaves I’ve been dealing with and I’m here to tell you it hasn’t gotten any better. Not only do we have more leaves than before but they’re now soaking wet. There’s nothing harder than trying to rake giant piles of wet leaves because they refuse to cooperate. I’m only bringing it up again because it’s my one and only chore for today and I just don’t want to do it.
‘Dumb Birds’
As I write this post I’m tightly wrapped in my red dragon blanket, still in bed, sipping my coffee, and looking out the window at another gray and damp day. Most of the trees have dropped their leaves except for a few of the more stubborn oaks. They always seem to hang on a little longer than the others before giving it up for the Winter. As usual I can just make out a few squirrels romping through the nearby tree branches enjoying the last days of Fall. I won’t see much of them again until we have a few warmer than normal days later in the Winter. They’ll sneak out, look around, smell the air, and try to find an acorn or two. Then it’ll be back to their nests to await Spring’s arrival. I guess those squirrels have the right idea. I’m trying to do much the same thing if you think about it. If it’s good enough for a bunch of furry little squirrels then it should work for me as well, right?
Most of the birds have headed south and at times I envy them. The woodpeckers, the blue jays, and chickadees are back in large numbers and will be around for the entire winter. We supply them with plenty of food and suet to help them through the worst of it. It always amazes me that any of them ever survive the Winter. This morning I found our backyard filled with black birds and I’m not sure what they were looking for but they working hard at it.
‘Stupid Birds’
For the first time in a week I can actually see blue skies and the sun. I can remember as a kid how much my friends and I loved climbing onto and under the piles of leaves. My Dad found it amusing for as long as it took him to realize we were making more work for him. Maybe today I’ll revert to an earlier version of myself, pile up some leaves, and dive right in. The smell of those wet leaves should take me right back to age seven for a few minutes. Then reality will set back in and I’ll realize I’m sitting in a pile of wet leaves in the middle of my yard and giving the neighbors a reason to question my sanity.
As I stepped out my back door I received another big surprise. From out of nowhere two chickens arrived at my door and are refusing to leave. Now I’ll be forced to spend time today polling my neighbors to see who they belong to. I’ll never again feel guilty about eating chickens . . . they’re too stupid to live.
“Dumb and Stupid Birds’
Anyone out there interested in a few chicken wings?
We’ve reached mid-October and I’m starting to see indications of that holiday freight train that is rumbling full speed towards us. I was tasked with an errand last night that required me to pickup my better-half who was attending a wedding of a co-worked in a town north of here. Darkness had fallen and our trip home took us through a number of neighborhoods and small towns. We were within a quarter mile of home when I spotted something that sent a cold shiver down my spine . . . a lighted Christmas tree in front of a neighbor’s home. These neighbors are the newest members of our little community and are folks who love to celebrate each and every holiday with decorations of all sorts hanging from trees, shrubs, and anything else that doesn’t move too much. It can be cute but also it’s also more than a little annoying just like that tree was last night.
During some of my shopping forays in recent weeks I’ve observed the expected Halloween and Thanksgiving craziness but Christmas rearing it’s ugly head this early in October is ridiculous. Having worked for many rears for retail companies I understand the management mentality in getting the jump on competitors. It just seems they’ve all picked up some of the more bothersome bad habits of the king of all retailers, Walmart. They seem to think that anything that Walmart does automatically become the final word in making money. Having spent six months in a Walmart management training program allows me to proclaim that Walmart is just as screwed up as any other company. Their saving grace secret is their size. When you’re as big as Walmart it’s much easier to hide your screw ups and bad decisions.
I have a sneaking suspicion that Sam Walton is probably spinning in his grave after watching what has gone on with his company. On my first day at Sam’s Club I was handed a paperback book on the life and times of their founder Sam Walton. I was ordered to read that book immediately and was questioned heavily on it’s contents throughout the training period. Almost all of the training tapes that were in use were tapes made by Walton himself who at the time had been dead for more than ten years. I was being trained by a dead guy in Walmart’s lame attempt to brainwash me into their world of retail. Just before my graduation from that training program I was on my way to work and wishing I wasn’t. Ten minutes after I arrived I walked into the General Manger’s office and resigned. I walked away and never looked back. They only succeeded in making me unhappy, miserable, and just a little crazy. I’ve never regretted my decision.
This isn’t a rant just about Walmart but a general disappointment with the cynical approach taken by almost every retailer. I think we can thank Wall Street and the Harvard Business School for a lot of these issues. The stock market virtually requires companies to meet expectations regardless of the methods used. The Harvard MBA’s that I’ve been involved with over the years were all young bean-counters of the worst sort. They’d gut a company, fire any number of employees, cut benefits, just about anything to help meet those Wall Street projections. People are just numbers to them and are treated accordingly. Is it any wonder things are the way they are.
So after saying all of that I hope you’re prepared for the avalanche of Christmas nonsense headed your way. Ten glorious weeks of Santa Clause, presents, endless TV commercials, and a hit to your wallet that will be larger than ever before. Oh yeah, I recently heard a nasty rumor that once upon a time Christmas had something to do with religion. How stupid am I?
It’s been one of those typical summer days. A little boring, a little strange, and a whole lotta weird. The weird occurred this morning when I received a “Friend Request” on Facebook from a person I haven’t seen or spoken to in almost twenty years. I immediately recognized his name, remembered his face, and then remembered more.
This guy I’m discussing worked for me when I was managing criminal investigations for a national corporation that will remain nameless. Part of my duties involved training the newbies in criminal interrogation and the handling of potential suspects. He was tagging along with me on a case involving the theft of thousands of dollars by some of our more nefarious associates. I’d completed a number of preliminary interviews with persons of interest and had narrowed the suspect list to three possible’s. My politically correct boss advised me by telephone to give the "new guy" a shot at the final interviews. I wasn’t too happy with that decision but there was nothing much I could do but sit in the room with him and watch. The main suspect was a female department manager who was known to be confrontational and extremely belligerent. As she entered the interrogation room she snarled at me and just stood there staring at him. You should also know she was a somewhat large woman.
It’s always important for an interrogator to quickly build a rapport with the interviewee before getting into the more difficult questions. This guy was trying to be so cool and suave that he began schmoozing the woman by asking her how many months pregnant she was. Unfortunately while she did look pregnant, she wasn’t. She jumped to her feet, screamed a dozen obscenities at him and then slammed the door as she stormed out of the interview room. It was all I could do to remain professional and not laugh out loud. He was utterly mortified and totally speechless. He violated the cardinal rule for doing a successful interrogation. Never, never, never, ask a question unless you already know the answer.
Fortunately I reinterviewed her the next day and managed to use his screw-up to get a full confession out of her. She stated after a few minutes of questioning that she’d tell me anything I wanted to know as long as I kept that no good SOB away from her. While she was at it she ratted out three of her alleged friends as well. It was a thing of beauty and something I’ll never forget.
Needless to say, I denied his friend request immediately.
I then made my daily trip to look in on my two new best friends. It was my last day of dog sitting before the better-half and her daughter return from their Maryland vacation. These first photos are of Jasper. He’s the elder statesman of the two who isn’t quite as peppy as he once was. He seemed pretty damn happy to get out of the house for a while and who wouldn’t be. He was locked in the house with two cats and a second spastic dog named Rihanna.
‘Jasper Showing His Good Side’
‘Jasper Being an Idiot’
This is Rihanna his nutso step-sister who’s half pit-bull and half lunatic. She has more energy than three dogs and will play fetch with you until you drop. She loves to jump up and greet people when she meets them and I have a scar on my forehead to prove it. Crazy freaking dog.
“A Rare Shot of Her Actually Standing Still’
I returned home and ended my day with two hours on the riding mower trying to cut this wet grass before the next thunder storm arrives. I really will be glad to have my better-half home on Saturday. At least she’s housebroken.
Every guy loves ogling beautiful women and that includes me. It’s been that way forever and I don’t see it changing any time soon. Woman claim to dislike being stared at but do they really mean it? Victoria Secret’s success has made that claim a little less believable. I’ve had them try to tell me that they wear makeup, revealing clothing, and expensive hair styling just to look good for other women. Do you buy that? Not a chance. They want to be stared at, whistled at, and ogled just as much as the men enjoy doing it. It’s that famous “dance” that the sexes do in a age old mating ritual. If you look good then your choice of mates increases exponentially.
I must say that it’s a fine line for a woman to walk. If you get too revealing you look like a slut. Most guys looking for a serious relationship wouldn’t be drawn to the slutty woman but also wouldn’t hesitate making the occasional booty call to one after a night of drinking and increasing horniness. What most women don’t seem to get is the desire by many men for an attractive, well behaved, and friendly woman who sheds those attributes upon entering the bedroom and turns into a sex crazed slut. I know it isn’t rally fair to all of you women but unfortunately it remains true.
There’s a rule of thumb you’ve probably heard, KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid”. Over the years I’ve developed five simple and easy rules for women to help them have a modicum of success in attracting a possible long term mate.
Rule 1 – Look good but not too good. Just slutty enough to make his mouth water and to keep his fantasies percolating.
Rule 2 – Be flirty but not too dirty or off color. Just a hint of the “bad girl” is usually enough to drive most men over the edge.
Rule 3 – Drink enough but don’t get sloppy drunk. No one wants to have the woman they’re hoping to have sex with throwing up on them. Don’t laugh, it’s happened to me.
Rule 4 – Lay off that constant stream of foul language except in the bedroom. Be coy at first and then turn into that bedroom slut he’s been hoping and searching and wishing for.
Rule 5 – You may be more sexually experienced than he is but don’t show off. Save some of your better moves for later when he’ll thinks he’s the reason you’ve decided to do them.
I’ve always been partial to women who look good but not too good. I love a woman who wears her hair long because I find long hair very sexy. It’s an old Victorian fantasy of mine where you spend a great deal of time peeling off layers of clothing and after all that work she lets down her hair down and you’re good to go. Gives me the shivers just thinking about it.
“With the narrower silhouette, emphasis was placed on the bust, waist and hips. A corset was used to help mold the body to the desired shape.
“Skirts were supported by a hybrid of the bustle and crinoline or hooped petticoat sometimes called a “crinolette”. The crinolette itself was quickly superseded by the true bustle, which was sufficient for supporting the drapery and train at the back of the skirt.”
“The Victorian Version of the J-LO look.”
Well back to topic. I’ve had dealings with a few women in my life and they’ve fallen into any number of different categories. Beautiful, fugly, and all points in between. Each one was a totally different experience, some good and some really effing bad. They can try and deny their innate desire to attract men but down deep in their hearts they know its the truth. They want a good man in a good relationship with kids, a dog, and the white picket fence. After all of that they also want to be the biggest slut they can be in the bedroom and have a man who’ll appreciate it.
SURPRISE LADIES . . . THAT’S WHAT WE WANT TOO
I still find my life difficult after six years of being retired. First of all I never expected to ever be retired and honestly thought I would have died long before this. For a change it’s nice to be wrong about certain things.
Adjusting my day-to-day existence from being an over achieving workaholic to a gardening, bird watching, and laid back retiree has been interesting and at times distressing. I now understand that my high blood pressure issues were probably responsible for my former fast paced life style and the workaholic obsession.
“The garden is producing already. I just thought I’d brag a little.”
But with my slowed down and medicated lifestyle I’m now a much more calm and controlled person. Yesterday I spent a good part of my day taking photographs. I was able to spend more than an hour taking pictures without ever leaving my yard. I’ve never had the luxury of free time like this and it still makes me feel guilty as if I’m being lazy and unproductive. I’ll show you a few of my photo’s and you can judge for yourself if it was worth my time. After looking at them I found myself very happy with the results and felt the time had been well spent. See what you think.
I’ve placed numerous bird houses on the property and this year we have a number of winged residents living with us. I’ve come to find out that birds can be a vicious bunch. They’re very territorial especially when they’re nesting and protecting newborns. This first photo is of a mother spending twelve hours a day coming and going to feed her recently hatched babies.
This second photo is that same mother protecting those young from an intruder. Two years ago this same bird had two nestlings killed by a bird of the same species. I found their little corpses in the nest after the birds left on their southern migration. I finally had to replace the box because they refused to come near the old one even though I’d cleaned out the old nest and dead babies. The first year after replacing that box they returned and took possession of the new one once again. They seem to be much more protective these days than in the past and rightly so.
Hopefully within a few weeks we’ll have a few little ones making a racket as they mature and prepare to leave the nest. That’s assuming no further catastrophes occur such as other birds or the neighbor’s cat. I might be forced to put a few Be-Be’s in the ass of that damn cat to help them a little if necessary.
I then moved through the garden to an area with freshly blooming day lilies. They are some of my favorite flowers for photographing. The colors are just so vibrant and beautiful I can’t resist them.
Lets get just a little closer to see more of Mother Nature’s finest work.
It’s these things that help keep me sane. I could easily roam for hours taking pictures of anything and everything and never be disappointed.
After a day of doing this I’m not quite so discontented with retirement. Doing things I never thought I’d have the opportunity to do is even cooler than I imagined. I do miss working more than I thought I would but it’s all a matter of adjusting to change. I’m almost there.
A few days I ago my better-half and I were sitting in a local restaurant chatting up one of her co-workers. During that conversation her friend casually asked me if I’d made any New Year’s Resolutions. I can’t remember exactly why she asked but I answered with a yes. Obviously she’s never read this blog because I post them every January for all to see.
We returned home and during the ride I decided to check the archives and do a mid-year review of my resolutions for 2014 just to see how I’ve been doing. Let’s start with this one:
1. Read five books a month.
So far I’m on track with this resolution even though I lost my Kindle reader on my trip to Texas. Now that I’m able to once again read my Kindle books from three additional devices I should have no trouble successfully completing this one.
2. Teach the grandson one curse word per month once he begins talking.
I think I jumped the gun on this one because he has yet to start speaking clearly enough to begin cursing. I may have to wait for 2015 to get this one accomplished. This one is a big FAIL so far.
3. Keep the number of F-bombs below 100 a week.
So far I’m succeeding on this one but just barely. For the year it will be too close to call since it’s difficult not to use my favorite word at every opportunity. The question isn’t using it too much, it’s having too many reasons to use it at all. If people aggravated me less this one would be a snap.
4. Drink less brandy than last year but more than next year.
I’m doing well on this one thanks to my weight loss program. I’ve pretty much given up drinking the hard stuff and have returned to sipping the occasional glass of wine. Boring but healthier.
5. Spend less than $300.00 at Dunkin Donut for the entire year ($25.00 per month).
Since we purchased the K-Kup coffee maker I’ve cut my Dunkin Donut spending by two thirds. I can make excellent coffee at home now and not be forced to spend two dollars a cup elsewhere. Hooray for me.
6. Stop dancing naked near the picture window in the living room. It scares the neighbors if their complaints mean anything at all.
I seem to be failing miserably on this one. I just can’t seem to keep my clothes on and may have flashed my new and smaller ass to the neighbors and a few lucky passersby. I’m trying to behave but I suspect this will be a FAIL once again. One of my better-half’s resolutions is to buy and install window coverings this year but I haven’t seen them yet. I wonder how much the neighbors will complain if they never get to see my ass again.
7. Fight to my last breath to keep chickens and goats from becoming part of my life.
I’m crossing my fingers on this one for now. The better-half has been putting serious pressure on me to get chickens and goats. The negotiations have progressed to where she’s agreeing to no goats if we can just get a few chickens. My negotiating position has remained the same from the beginning – NO FREAKING GOATS OR CHICKENS. For this year I will accomplish this resolution but I’m losing the battle little by little.
If I counted correctly, I’m keeping up with five of my seven resolutions but I suspect I may lose some ground during the remainder of 2014. The road to hell really is paved with good intentions.
How are you doing with yours?
Do you even care?
Probably not!
I figure by now most of you are tired of hearing about my Texas trip and I understand completely. While I understand I still have one more day from the that trip I need to tell you about. It was my final day in Dallas before my ill fated flight home.
The day started with an omelet cooked superbly by my nephew and was filled to the brim with diced jalapenos. If that doesn’t get your heart started then there’s something very wrong with you. We then took a cruise in my nephew Mustang. It’s a car he’s spent a great deal of time and money getting as perfect as possible. It is one beautiful machine and it rode like a dream and was as fast as lightning.
While cruising around the metroplex we did a little people watching and ran into a mobile Texas furniture store parked in a mall parking lot. We saw a number of these vehicles during my short visit and it fascinated me. It’s definitely not something I’m used to seeing here in Maine.
We eventually arrived at the Texas Land and Cattle restaurant and I was really looking forward to another excellent meal. I wasn’t disappointed.
As you would expect the interior was all Texas all of the time. These two wall decorations and this saddle display were very cool and brought home the western ambiance in a big way.
The meal was a piece of soft and tender smoked sirloin with jalapeño sauce. The asparagus was cooked perfectly and was almost as tender as the sirloin.
We finished the meal and made our way home because I always need my beauty sleep before I go a-flying. I wasn’t really looking forward to my flight even though I’ve flown hundreds of times. I just hate flying and airplanes in general. That’s one of the reasons I liked skydiving so much. I’d rather jump out of a plane than depend on an unknown pilot to get me down safely.
This last photo was taken at Reagan National airport in DC at 3:00 am the next morning, where I was sleeping on the floor of the terminal. It’s the ceiling of the terminal from that perspective. I couldn’t sleep so a snapped a few pictures.
UNITED AIRLINES SUCKS
I’ve spent the last few days complaining about United Airlines and the terrible time they gave me while traveling. So today maybe I should calm down and thank my nephew for being such a good host. I’d hate to make people think that my entire Memorial Day weekend had been totally ruined because of an unfortunate incident when it really wasn’t.
I managed to drag my camera around with us during my visit and took a few hundred photos. I thought I’d share some of them with you today, These first few are of the highlight of the trip as far as crazy delicious food was concerned. The name of the place is The Hard Eight and this was the line at the entrance when we arrived. You could smell that barbecue for miles around.
As we waited in line the smell of cooking meat was overwhelming and as we approached the grill station it got even worse. This is their outrageous version of a menu hanging on the wall.
And then you walk to the grill and see this.
You can almost smell it just by looking at these pictures. You choose your meat, it’s placed on a tray covered with wax paper, it’s weighed and priced and then your off to the dining room to choose your side dishes.
We enjoyed the band playing C&W music as we ate and OMG was it incredible. We ate until we couldn’t move and then just sat there to enjoy the atmosphere for a few minutes. The prices were reasonable and I’d recommend this establishment to anyone going anywhere near Dallas. It’s barbecue heaven.
This was just day one of the trip and I have many more photo’s that will follow in the next week or so. I also feel somewhat obligated to introduce all of you to my new best friend and Texas bedmate. She made me feel right at home and actually snored and kicked less than my better-half does in Maine. Her name is Pepper.
Thanks for a great time Mike.
I was cleaning out some old boxes of papers a few days ago attempting to rid my home of old junk and a host of bad memories. These boxes contained books, papers, and other assorted BS from one of the worst employment experiences of my life. It was two years of hell on earth for me and went a long way to making me the confirmed cynical SOB I’ve become. Even after all the time that’s past it still pisses me off as much as ever.
Most people don’t like to name names when talking about their past bad experiences but I have no qualms at all. Some of you’ve never heard of the Hechinger Corporation and I’m happy to let you know that it no longer exists. It was a small family run hardware business that grew into many hundreds of stores across the country. The company’s philosophy, as directed by the Hechinger family, seemed to be more interested in liberal causes and making political contributions than actually making money or being successful.
I then worked for a big-box home improvement company called HQ (Home Quarters Warehouse). It was a small, dynamic, and a fun place to work. It was expanding slowly and steadily across the US and everything was coming up roses. That was until the failing Hechinger company made a hostile stock buyout in an attempt to keep their company afloat. Instead of absorbing everything good from HQ and eliminating the bad from their own company they decided to go the PC route. That decision was the beginning of the end for both HQ and Hechinger. Hechinger began attempting to change the way in which HQ did their business, eliminated many of HQ’s talented upper level management members which began the slow and painful process of killing a vibrant and successful company. At the same time they acquired Builder’s Square Company and proceeded to destroy them as well.
I’m getting off my main point which is this. Political Correctness has always been in my cross-hairs since the day I started blogging. Experiencing it first-hand is not fun and not something I’d wish on my worst enemy (well maybe on my worst enemy). It’s a dangerous tool when used by people who care more about being PC than caring about people. I was one of the unlucky few who survived the slaughter and the Hechinger brainwashing machine kicked in almost immediately. I was forced to attend a steady stream of team building seminars, personality testing, and spent hundreds of hours getting my head filled with their liberal PC BS.
For over a year they attempted to change my approach to my job and how I did business. I wasn’t about to change because I’d been very successful for years at what I did and they had not. They kept the pressure on me with all of their PC crap until I simply lost it. While getting my first annual evaluation from my new bosses, I stood up from the table, told them I thought they didn’t know what the hell they were doing, and begged them to just fire me. Being the PC idiot’s that they were, they spent the next hour trying to convince me that I should calm down and relax. I ranted and raved for most of that time and again begged them to fire me. They wouldn’t do it and abruptly ended the session.
I think they felt they could save my non-PC soul, convert me to their way of thinking, and lead me to the promised land. The next day I was given a better than average evaluation, a decent raise, and sent on my way. Any good businessman will tell you that if an employee begs you to fire them and you have just cause, JUST DO IT.
Anyway that’s why I continuously bitch and complain about PC issues. If the minor issues are ignored by intelligent thinking people more will follow.
“All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.” Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
So as I’m delivering these books and papers to the trash what falls at my feet but a book I hoped never to see again. “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Steven Covey. He was god almighty to the Hechinger Company and they beat me over the head for more than a year with his books. If I never hear the term “paradigm” again it will be too damn soon.
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED Once AGAIN
I mention my better-half in this blog often. With Mother’s Day approaching I thought a salute to her would be appropriate. She’s raised her three children, seen them graduate from college, and watched as they moved on with their lives. She is and should be proud of such a major accomplishment. Now since her nest has emptied it was time for the next stage of her life with me to begin. It was time for both of us to readjust to a new and different style of living.
As I’ve gotten older I find myself looking back and reminiscing at odd times. I have many wonderful memories that I reflect on occasionally and that was always part of my master plan. Growing up I decided early on to build an archive of memories that I could enjoy after I was too old to create new ones. I always pictured myself sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of my home looking back at all the fun I’d had in my life. I looked forward to the day I could mentally relove any number of women and remember them as being even better than they actually were.
My normal approach to living was if something looked interesting I just jumped right in and tried to experience it. Why not? I was slowly filling up my mental filing cabinet for use after my retirement. It made for a pretty cool life all in all but there were many bumps in the road as well. That was to be expected and those not-so-great memories also made their way into my mental “vault”, to lamely quote from a few Seinfeld episodes.
As a young and middle aged man I saw life in my sixties as something totally different from what it actually turned into. When I was thirty I felt twenty, in my forties I felt twenty-five, and in my fifties I felt thirty-five. It was in my mid-fifties when I first met my better-half. I’d heard the term “better-half” used for years by others but I just thought it was something people said to convince themselves they’d found that elusive soulmate we all search so diligently for. Little did I know that I would all of a sudden become a real believer. One can never know when that thunderbolt will hit but OMG when it does, it really hits hard. Things haven’t been the same since we met and I’m all the luckier for it. I felt like I was sixteen again both mentally and physically which was more than just a little scary at first. But I adjusted.
I was forced into retirement much earlier than I ever thought possible thanks to the downsizing of the state government here in Maine. I was afraid my master plan had been seriously compromised. Now I’m sitting on that famous porch of mine with my better-half, my cat, her grandson, his parents, and all of the new memories we’ve been creating over the last decade. The vault is full to overflowing, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and I see many more terrific years ahead of us.
Of course, I’m writing this to brag a little but also to let all of you know that life can be good regardless of your age. My fantasy now is to sit on that infamous porch when I’m In my nineties and hopefully remember the things I’m experiencing today, tomorrow, next week, and next year. I imagine I’ll be feeling like a man in my sixties then which should be a weird and amazing turn of events. It’s incredible how our minds work to help us to adjust to these constant life changes.
It will happen to you too . . . . . . . Wait for it!
AND A HUGE HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO MY BETTER-HALF.
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