Archive for the ‘Looking Back’ Category
I always seem to be talking about Winter approaching these days and with good reason. Winter in Maine lasts at least six months but it certainly seems longer. Just two weeks ago I was sleeping under a ceiling fan for eight hours a night because it was so damn hot and humid in the house. At the time I thought that miserable hot weather would never let up. Let me tell you, it’s let up.
‘Ahhhh Memories’
As of last night I’m convinced Winter is much closer than I thought. The last few nights we’ve had temperatures in the low forties which are wreaking havoc on what remains of the garden. I was reminded early this morning when the cold air in the room jolted me awake. Last night was the first official #5 night for my electric blanket. Unless some sort of Indian Summer happens it could mean an early arrival of the season which includes an unwelcome amount of our favorite white stuff.
Fall is probably my second favorite season of the year after early Spring. I love the vivid colors of the foliage just like every other photographer on the planet. Maine is already known for it’s beautiful scenery along the coast and inland in the forests and around the many lakes. Throw in millions and millions of colorful leaves and it becomes for a short time an effing paradise.
My cameras and lenses are cleaned and ready. My snowblower’ been taken out of mothballs, gassed up, and ready to go. All that’s left for me to do is the unpacking of my unfashionable and ugly winter clothing. It’s almost impossible to look good wearing three layers of clothing, a hat, gloves, a scarf, and big clunky boots. . . and unfortunately I’m just talking about the women. The men look even worse as they let their beards grow out and suit up with their favorite snowmobiling outfit. There’s nothing better than hanging around an ice fishing hut with a few of your buddies telling tall tales about fishing, hunting, and sexual prowess and guzzling as much beer as you can drink.
The never-ending number of hunting seasons always irritates me a little. There are times when entering the woods around here to take pictures can be a life threatening situation. If you not wearing bright red or fluorescent green you could easily be mistaken for a moose, a turkey, or even a cow. It’s a little like Vietnam out there if you throw in a few cases of beer to make things interesting. Scary doesn’t even begin to cover it.
As you can see from my remarks, I’m neither a hunter nor a fisherman. I’ve never been all that crazy about killing helpless animals with high powered weaponry and high tech fishing paraphernalia. I prefer to do all of my shooting with a camera. I also hate the thought of eating wild game thanks to my father who insisted I try to eat a little of everything he ever shot. Yuck!
Time to Crank up the electric blanket and hunker down for another six months of snow, sleet, and ice. I only hope I don’t slip and fall this year and break any additional bones. Trust me, it’s happened before.
The crappy weather continues here in Maine giving me an overabundance of reading time. Recently I picked up a small book at a local church flea market for $.50 and as I began reading it I thought it would make an interesting discussion for the blog.
Half the fun of living your life is examining the hell out of it as you get older and hopefully smarter. I know I’ve second guessed virtually every decision I’ve ever made in my life. I always seem to have a better answer now than I had with the original decision. Things I thought as a teenager and in my early twenties sound so stupid now it’s a little scary.
This book’s all about difficult questions designed to make us think about ourselves and our decision making capabilities. There are no right or wrong answers but they will challenge your common sense and good=headedness.
I’ll list 10 questions with my own answers below. If you’re interested after that then take a few minutes and jot down your own answers. I recommend that you do it together with your partner, significant other, or spouse. I’m sure that regardless of the answers they’re sure to spark a few interesting discussions about your differences. Lets get started:
1. If you could spend one year of your life in perfect happiness but afterward would remember nothing of the experience would you do so? If not, why not?
a. I think I’d pass on this one. If I couldn’t remember the happiness then it never really happened and what’s the point.
2. If a new medicine were developed that would cure arthritis but cause a fatal reaction in 1% of those who took it, would you want it to be released to the public?
a. If I’ve done my math correctly that means that out of every million people treated, 10,000 would die. That’s insanity and a big no from me.
3. Would you accept $1,000,000 to leave the country and never set foot in it again?
a. That would be a big “Hell No”.
4. Would you be willing to become extremely ugly physically if it meant you would live for 1,000 years at any physical age you chose?
a. No thank you. To me a thousand years of being terribly ugly would be worse than dying.
5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one ability or quality, what would it be?
a. I’d want the ability to speak and understand every language on earth.
6. Would you accept twenty years of extraordinary happiness and fulfillment if it meant you would die at the end of the period?
a. No thank you.
7. If the person you were engaged to marry had an accident and became a paraplegic, would you go through with the marriage or back out of it?
a. I must have loved that person very much or wouldn’t have wanted a marriage. It’s a commitment I’d honor completely.
8. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as your dinner guest?, as your close friend? , and as your lover?
a. Dinner Guest: Any wounded veteran; Close Friend: Bill Gates; Lover: Rachael Hendrix. The Close Friend and Lover could change at a moments notice because friends and lovers come and go. The Dinner Guest would remain the same permanently.
9. A good friend pulls off a well-conceived practical joke that plays on one of your foibles and makes you look ridiculous. How would you react?
a. I’d be a little embarrassed at first, laugh a little for a few minutes, and then begin planning some good old down-home REVENGE.
10. For $20,000 would you go for three months without washing, brushing your teeth, or using deodorant? Assume you could not explain your reasons to anyone.
a. No how, no way . . . . but I might reconsider it for $100,000.
BE AS TRUTHFUL AS POSSIBLE
All of us folks who love blogging seem to have that secret wish to be a published and recognized writer. We read the classics as students and are told by our teachers what great and wonderful authors they were. What they failed to explain was that these same incredible writers had private lives that were all too often a nightmare.
I’ve spent my life hanging out with creative types and have been amazed. I’ve found myself speechless at times after really getting to know them and seeing them for what they really are, just plain old, screwed up, and faulty human beings like everyone else. Without their creativity they’d be an average Joe with all the normal problems and complaints. Unfortunately that creativity gene has the bizarre ability to turn normal run-of-the-mill problems into absolute disasters. Boozing, drug use, and all too often an early and tragic death.
With that being said I thought I’d offer up some words of wisdom from some of our more creative celebrities. This is my lame attempt to show them as just regular folks with a huge twist. Let’s go . . . .
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“Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.” Madonna
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“I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It’s so funny, when I record I sing with a hand over each of them. Maybe it’s a comfort thing.” Baby Spice
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“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.” Oscar Wilde
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“I say no to drugs. But they don’t listen.” Marilyn Manson
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“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.” Woody Allen
In college I found myself living in a small community of artists of all types. We remained separate from the rest of the school for a number of reasons. First we dressed a little differently, we saw things a little differently, and we didn’t give a damn what other people thought about us. I wish I would’ve had the good sense to write down a few of the more profound quotes they offered up as we sat around drinking wine and smoking a fat one. We solved all the problems of the world but couldn’t remember any of the solutions the next morning. How ironic! Keep reading . . .
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“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.” Mel Brooks
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“If I had a choice of having a woman in my arms or shooting a bad guy on a horse, I’d take the horse. It’s a lot more fun.” Kevin Costner
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“It’s like when I buy a horse. I don’t want a thick neck and short legs.” Mickey Rourke, on his ideal woman
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“My advice to you is get married. If you find as good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates
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“Where the hell is Australia, anyway?” Britney Spears
I could go on but I think I’ve made my point. Creative types normally spend a good part of their lives “out there” on the very edge of “the box” and occasionally fall all the way out. I’ve been called creative for most of my life and it never seems to be all that complimentary. It’s always “He’s very creative, but a little strange.” For most of us that’s our badge of honor and we wear it proudly.
Long Live the Strange!
‘Remember’
With the Memorial Day weekend looming we can all sit back and watch the television programming meant to honor those service men and women who have paid the ultimate price. Being an Army veteran I hesitate to participate in the required litany of praise, sorrow, and remembrances that seem to be mandatory these days. As a vet I never expected praise for my service because it was the right thing to do, for me. I wanted to pay back a little to the country that kept me free. It’s more comfortable for me to celebrate the holiday in a private manner without all of the hoopla.
I had a number of friends who proudly served their country but never made it home and I remember them all too often. I have no need for making some sort of holy pilgrimage to "The Wall" in DC to stand and sob and leave tokens. I’ll fly my flag with pride in silence, remember my lost friends in silence, and try to live my life in a way to make them proud.
So there’ll be no sad stories here because I prefer to celebrate this day my way. It takes special people to voluntarily place themselves in harms way with the fear of dying a real possibility, especially these days. Nothing saddens me as much as the people in this country that have never served and criticize those who do. Waving a flag and watching fire-works displays twice a year leaves me flat.
I’m looking forward as most people do to the Summer months but using Memorial Day as a spring board for that seems a little disrespectful, to me. Make a contribution to the Wounded Warrior Project, quietly remember the fallen, kiss your children, and live your life to the fullest. That’s the best way to remember them because they died so you could.
Let’s make flying the American flag the only dignified display required for celebrating this day.
IS YOUR FLAG FLYING?
I’m happy to announce that a peace treaty has been reached in my eight year struggle with the squirrels. Every place I’ve lived and gardened over the years I’ve been forced to deal with those little delinquents who insist on driving me insane. I’ve tried just about everything but I’ve never gotten the upper hand.
Seven years ago we were inundated with a population surge of red squirrels. They’re much more aggressive than the grays and caused a great deal of damage to my deck and feeders. I spent some money for ammunition and was able to thin the herd a little. After tons of research and the expenditure of more money than I care to think about, I found feeders the little bastards couldn’t get into. They continued to visit my deck and tried over and over again to piss me off without much success.
One side of our property faces a wooded area where gray squirrels dominate and on the other side of the property the trees are filled with reds. I was beginning to feel overrun like the last guy at the Alamo. I hated shooting them so I continued looking for a way to make peace.
Earlier this year I decided to try misdirection on them by installing a squirrel feeder behind the house. It’s easily in reach by both factions but it also keeps all of them away from my house and deck. Now they can battle amongst themselves for the food I supply and I get to sit back and watch the fun.
Finally I have a little piece of mind. I had to buy the feeder and the corn to put in it but I can live with that. As you can see from these photos these little guys have no fear of humans, especially this human. I walked around taking these photo’s and he never blinked an eye.
His new routine begins every morning around 7:30 am. He shows up for his breakfast and then climbs back into the trees. I’ve made peace with the reds but the grays have yet to attempt a visit to the new feeder. The war will continue between them but for a change I won’t be stuck in the middle. It’s worth every penny.
As much as I’ve tried I’m still unsuccessful in eliminating politics from my long list of topics of conversation on this blog. To say I’m disgusted would be a huge understatement. I’m seeing things happening these days in this country that are impossible to believe. On top of that we’re being lead by a President who is an absolute disgrace to both the political system and to the country itself. The only disappointment greater than his presidency are the millions of people in this country who listened to his BS, bought it hook line and sinker, and voted for him twice.
‘U . . S . . A!, U . . S . . A! , U . . S . . A!’
The downfall of any successful enterprise is having an uncaring or uneducated group of people in places of responsibility. With that thought in mind maybe we should once again listen to the men who helped create this nation instead of ones who are trying to damage it as much as possible. It could take a new generation of intelligent and caring people to undo the damage caused by this man and his administration in a short eight years. The real problem in my mind is an electorate that seems willing to give total control of their lives to a group of elitist fools concerned only with their own wants and desires instead of those of the country.
I again sincerely apologize for talking about politics on this blog. Maybe these gentlemen can explain it better than I.
‘George Washington’
“Precedents are dangerous things; let the rein of government then be braced and held with a steady hand.”
‘John Adams’
“The most sensible and jealous people are so little attentive to government that there are no instances of resistance until repeated, multiplied oppressions have placed it beyond a doubt that their rulers had formed settled plans to deprive them of it.”
‘Thomas Jefferson’
“The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.”
‘Abraham Lincoln’
“Be with a leader when he is right, stay with him when he is still right, but, leave him when he is wrong.”
Pick the group you want responsible for you and your families future.
My readjustment to this warmer weather continues. Last week was interesting and started with the flooding of my backyard. This isn’t unusual and happens quite often in the Spring but luckily the drainage for the property is excellent. There have been times when the water would be four feet deep but once the rain stops it drains away within 15 minutes.
Part of that flooding included my burn pit which I’ve been planning to use to rid myself of the Winters accumulation of scrap wood and saw dust. I also had a pile of lumber that was pulled from the garden frames last week and replaced. I had it drying out for a few days so it would burn properly once I threw it into the fire.
I decided to start the fire in the wet pit anyway figuring the heat would dry it out within minutes. A little newspaper and a quart of gasoline can get damn near anything burning as you can plainly see.
It’s always a good idea to burn when things are wet after a rain. It eliminates the possibility of starting a fire that could get into the forest next to the property. It also keeps the town from giving me grief about burning permits which I tend to ignore whenever possible.
My frustration with my lawn tractor continues. I’ve read everything I can find online about the mower, watched every YouTube video, and if anything I’m more confused than before. I’ll be visiting Lowe’s today for some expert help from their Lawn and Garden professional. He’s going to walk me through the steps that will hopefully help me get this damn thing running again. We shall see.
I’m still in bed as I write this post but was awakened in an interesting fashion earlier this morning. I was lying in bed in that La-La Land of half sleep deciding whether to get up or not. It was then I heard a very loud "Gobble . . . Gobble . . . Gobble" just outside my window. I stumbled over and there he was, a big fat tom-turkey doing his very best to wake up the entire house. Here in Maine that’s the next best thing to an alarm clock.
I rushed from the bedroom to find my camera but unfortunately he was gone into the nearby woods before I could get a picture. I’m sure he’ll return soon and I’ll snap a few at that time. Here’s a photo I took previously in the yard and I suppose there’s a chance it’s the same bird. It’s hard to tell, they all look alike to me. He’d better not show up around Thanksgiving because he’d be in big trouble.
Well, I’m off to Lowe’s. That should get my frustration level up there where it belongs. I sure hope this guy can help.
One of my first tasks today was to get in a vigorous workout to start the day. Most days I turn on the TV or a movie and crank up the treadmill to a quick speed with a steep incline. I’m averaging forty-two minutes a session and watching TV for that long has started getting really old. On a good day there’s precious little on the tube that can hold my interest for forty-two minutes.
Today I decided to plug into ITunes and spend my time listening to my newly updated Favorites List. I have quite the collection of music and it was a tough job picking out fifty songs from over seven thousand. It took some time but it was worth it. I ended up with forty-five songs that met my stringent qualifications. It had to be a song that no matter when I heard it I’d stop what I was doing to listen.
It took twelve songs to complete my workout and the time seemed to fly by. Listening to good music is like having your own time machine. As soon as I hear a song it takes me straight back to a specific point in time and a specific person as well. So here’s my list of today’s twelve workout songs:
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Love Letter - Clairy Browne & the Bangin’ Rackettes
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Up on Cripple Creek – The Band
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Kokomo – The Beach Boys
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Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club – Beatles
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Nights on Broadway – Bee Gees
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Uptown Girl – Billy Joel
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The Guitar Man – Bread
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Gypsy Woman – Brian Highland
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I’m Your Angel (Duet w/R. Kelly) – Celine Dion
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How ‘Bout Us – Champaign
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Down in Mexico – The Coasters
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Run Through the Jungle – Creedence Clearwater Revival
If those songs don’t get your heart started then you’d better call for help. Say what you want these so-called Oldies more than hold their own against today’s Hip Hop generation.
I spent some time today preparing for the arrival of the grandson who’ll be staying with us until after the birth of his soon to arrive new sibling. The doctors intend to induce labor today so we’re hopefully looking at an early morning arrival by the baby.
This waiting has been murder for both of us almost as much as for the mother and father. She’s two weeks late and it’s been making everyone absolutely crazy. Hurry up and wait until the baby decides to get here.
Well I guess the world can continue to rotate around the sun and all of you can continue living your exciting lives once again. I received a clean bill of health from my doctor during my recent checkup so everyone can relax again for another year just knowing I’ll still be around.
Have I ever mentioned just how much I hate doctors and hospitals? I’m positive you have no idea just how much. I spent a lot of my youth visiting uncounted hospitals throughout the Pittsburgh area while visiting my mother who was afflicted with every disease known to man during her life. I became almost phobic about it. I was terrified of entering hospitals and getting stuck with needles. For years every time I needed a blood test or a shot it usually caused me to become violently ill or to pass out completely. That phobia was finally dealt with when it became time for me to leave the Army. A blood test was required before I could be released from the service and I certainly wasn’t going to stick around any longer than necessary. I sat quietly while they took six tubes of blood and suffered no ill effects whatsoever. It’s amazing what proper motivation can do to help you get through the tough times.
I have no phobias now but I still hate hospitals and doctors. I’m good to go until sometime in August when my new doctor will put me through my paces once again. Blood tests, poking and prodding of body parts best left alone, and more of those miracle vaccines and shots that may or may not even work. Getting old requires more and more maintenance of the body and mind just to maintain the status quo. Regardless we eventually all lose that battle. More exercise, less alcohol, no smoking, healthy foods, and an endless supply of drugs, drugs, drugs.
When I turned fifty the medical community found out about me and the process began in earnest. I needed a shingles shot, a pneumonia shot, a tetanus booster which probably cost the insurance carriers at least $500.00. Increased visits, regular colonoscopies, and future eye surgery to fix those pesky cataract problems we all have to deal with at some point.
I’m one of millions of Boomers whose current responsibility is to stay alive as long as possible to help keep the health care community in business. What will happen to the system once we’ve all passed on. That will be the new healthcare crisis with lots of layoffs, hospital closures, and a serious overpopulation of doctors, nurses, and home care specialists. I guess we Baby Boomers could be called a massive health care asset until we all finally die.
This week begins the warm-up for one of my least favorite experiences I’ve been cursed with over the years. It’s a special gift passed on to me through the genes of my late parents and one I wish I could have refused. The secret word for today is COLONOSCOPY. I begin my preparations tomorrow for my seventh anal adventure and hopefully my last. Over the next few postings I’ll document as best I can within the limits of good taste the wonders of medical science I’m about to experience. Lucky you!
My introduction to colonoscopies began many, many, years ago in a galaxy far, far, away. After an annual checkup I was referred to a specialist for further exams and a possible bout with rectal and anal surgery for hemorrhoids and polyps. Trust me, it wasn’t as great as I’m making it sound. My very first meeting with the specialist lasted only ten minutes. I was given an armload of laxatives and and a large bottle of Citrate of Magnesia. I was handed a sheet of instructions on how to go about emptying my body of just about everything and a future date for my return visit was also confirmed. All of a sudden I found myself back on the street with a real desire to find out exactly what the hell a colonoscopy actually was. I needed to do some research quickly.
Two weeks later I seemed twenty pounds lighter after spending 48 hours within running distance of the nearest bathroom. It was a humbling experience as I did everything possible to expel my entire insides down the drain. I arrived at the doctor’s office and checked in at the desk trying not to make eye contact with anyone. It was a lot like going to a fertilization specialist to ejaculate into a plastic cup or buying tampons at Rite-Aid for my better-half. Totally embarrassing.
I was led into an examination room wearing one of those backless paper gowns with my butt sticking out. I was laid face down on the table which was then elevated high enough to put my head near the floor and my ass in the air. If that wasn’t humiliating enough there was a knock on the door and in marched ten student nurses who were permitted one at a time to take a peek at my butt, inside and out. They oooed and awwed as they passed by, took a few notes and marched from the room. Here’s a reminder for you. Never schedule a rectal exam at a teaching hospital. You’ve been warned.
Another twenty minutes passed by and my adventure began in earnest when a probe on the end of a cable with a flashlight, torch, and camera were slowly inserted further and further into my backside. They lightly drugged me and I was able to look up my own ass on a nearby television screen. It looked like a gigantic pink Holland Tunnel without the cars. I then fell asleep and awoke twenty minutes later feeling rather odd. My wife picked me up after I recovered a bit and took me home where I was able to get a few hours of drug induced sleep. It wasn’t much fun but unfortunately for me it was necessary. My surgery was successful and I received my second colonoscopy just two months later. The doctor apparently wanted to go back in to check his work. I just love thorough doctors.
Fifteen years later my family doctor gave me more bad news during my annual visit. Because of two colon surgeries on my late mother for cancerous polyps he felt I needed to be checked again. Colonoscopy number three came and went and I breathed another sign of relief. I was good to go for a while I thought.
Within a few years my mother had another cancerous piece of her colon removed and that triggered regularly scheduled colonoscopies for me for the foreseeable future. It’s now 2015 and I’m ready for number seven. The technology has improved dramatically over the years and the drugs are much better. Getting colonoscopies stopped bothering me years ago because the alternative is too ugly to think about. Over the years I’ve had upwards of ten to twelve very small polyps burned from my colon and fortunately none were cancerous. I plan on living a long and full life and these god awful procedures make that possible. No matter what anyone tells you, fear is an excellent motivator.
More to follow.
