I’m feeling a little weird today as you’ll see when you read the following post. I always like to have a reasonable amount of weirdness in my life but today I have more than my share. Therefore, I’ll pass the following items on to you to help me shed some of my current level of weirdness. Oh yeah, “You’re welcome.”
An agoraphobic man who had vowed never to leave his house again after he was assaulted at age 18 decided, after 30 years of self-induced imprisonment, to take a walk outside. But the strain of being outside was too much for him and he suffered a heart attack while strolling along.
A man was speeding down the highway at 110 mph when he struck the rear of a car, immediately killing the two people inside. The victims? The man’s mother and her elderly neighbor, who she was taking on a leisurely drive to see the town’s Christmas lights.
Author Morgan Robertson wrote his story of a gigantic luxury ship, the Titan, in 1898. In his fictional tale, the ship, advertised as unsinkable, hits an iceberg and tragic tragically goes down, killing many passengers and crew. In 1912, the real-life ship the Titanic met a shockingly similar fate.
A man attempting to rob a convenience store in Cherry Hill, North Carolina, thwarted his own plans when he dropped his gun. The gun hit the ground, went off, and the bullet lodged in the robber’s foot.
“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.”
Edgar Allen Poe
A wealthy Connecticut woman named Helen Dow Peck believed messages she received from Ouija boards. One day in 1919, the board spelled out that she should leave her entire estate to a man named John Gale Forbes. She did but the only problem was she didn’t know anybody by that name. In fact, after she died in 1956, her lawyer did a search throughout the world and discovered that, despite what all the all-knowing spirits had said, there was nobody with that name.
Four men dressed like Elvis Presley jumped out of a plane to promote a Boston nightclub opening in 1996. Three of them lived, but one unlucky Elvis died when he caught a gust of wind and was blown out to sea.
“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many
things that escape those who dream only at night.”
It seems to me that celebrating leap year every four years makes no sense. It’s not a holiday, just another extra day they (unknown person or persons) had left over so they stuck it in February. It seems that history looks at leap year as 366 leap days and thus damns the entire year with all of this “leap” nonsense. After looking into the history books, leap year is nothing to be proud of. The following list tells you about some of the wonderful things that’ve happened during a leap year. I don’t see anything on this list that requires a celebration.
1204: the Fall of Constantinople, collapse of the Byzantine Empire.
1232: start of the Spanish Inquisition.
1400: A black plague epidemic rages, killing one in every three Europeans.
1572: St. Bartholomew’s Night happens – the mass murder of the Huguenots in France.
1896: Japan’s most devastating tsunami.
1908: the fall of the Tunguska meteorite (Tunguska event).
1912: the sinking of the Titanic.
2020: global coronavirus pandemic.
There are a few things you should avoid during a leap year, so say the so-called experts.
Life Changes Should Be Postponed
Do Not Change Jobs
Financial Difficulties
DoNot Start a New Business
Do Not Buy a Home
Tell Noone About Your Future Plans.
Do Not Adopt Pets
If Older Do Not Buy Your Funeral Clothing in Advance
All Leap Year Travel Should Be Postponed
Try Not to Plan a Pregnancy or Childbirth in a Leap Year.
On top of all these dire warnings here are a list of people born during leap years. It appears some are good, some are bad, and some are worse.
Julius Caesar
Leonardo da Vinci
Isaac Levitan
David Copperfield
Vladimir Putin
Pavel Durov
Mark Zuckerberg
After reading this post you should realize that to be safe during a Leap Year you should never leave the house because everything you do or think could be dangerous. I find it ironic that during the pandemic we were required to stay in the house and limit contact with the rest of the world. It’s even stranger that 2020 was the year that Covid-19 turned into the monster that terrorized the planet. It wasn’t slowed down all that much by all of these lame and useless Leap Year warnings or by the numerous ineffectual government requirements. Just more utter nonsense.
I thought I’d start the day off by being a wise ass. Let me set this up by explaining that I detest Country & Western music. I’m not entirely sure why but I do. My better-half is addicted to it resulting in hundreds of hours that I’ve spent gritting my teeth and cringing over the constant barrage of alleged music spewing from Alexa. I’ve been requesting for months my need for a really expensive noise-cancelling headset. Like my dad always said, “Wish in one hand and sh*t in the other, see which one fills up the quickest.” That means if I really want a noise cancelling-headset, I’ll be buying it myself. To further explain my dislike of C & W music let me supply you with a number of song titles from that genre and then ask yourself this question, “Is this real music or just a poor parody much like something from Weird Al Yankovic.
I’m, Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home” David Frizzell
“She’s Actin’ Single (I’m Drinkin’ Doubles)” Gary Stewart
“Now I Lay Me Down to Cheat” David Allen Coe
“She got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)” Jerry Reed
“You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly” Loretta Lynn
“I Cheated Me Right Out of You” Moe Bandy
“The Lord Knows I’m Drinkin'” Cal Smith
“You’re Out Doing What I’m Here Doing Without” Gene Watson
“Divorce Me COD” Merle Travis
“I’m the Only Hell (Momma Ever Raised” Johnny Paycheck
Why is it that everybody seems to love celebrities. It’s something that’s puzzled me for many years and I still don’t understand the fascination. During my lifetime I’ve met a number of celebrities and after short conversations very few of them were interesting. Underneath all the glitz and glamour and the famous roles that they’ve played, it’s still just a regular old human being playing dress up like they did when they were kids. They have the same problems and issues as all the rest of us except for the fact that a few problems they have are exacerbated by their fame and celebrity. Their worst problem is primarily the use and abuse of drugs as reflected by the endless list of OD fatalities. I dug into my archives again today and picked up a few trivia items concerning celebrities from the early Hollywood years. For those of you that love celebrities and can’t live without TMZ and the effing Kardashian clan, you have my sympathies. You should stop reading now and go have a cup of coffee or a stiff drink. That’s what’s I’m going to do.
An old-time actress, Ethel Barrymore, was the first actress to have a theater named after her.
A great actor James Cagney made his first stage appearance as a chorus girl in a show called Every Sailor.
In the famous Alfred Hitchcock movie Psycho, the blood in the famous shower scene was actually chocolate syrup.
Child actress Shirley Temple appeared in her first film, The Red-Haired Alibi, at the age of three.
Yule Brenner was famous for his shiny bald head but most people who watched his movies had no idea his real hair was actually a dark brown.
Jimmy Durante of the famous gravelly voice and large nose insured his nose at Lloyd’s of London.
In the 1968 film, 2001: A Space Odyssey, the out-of-control computer HAL, is taught to sing the song, A Bicycle Built for Two.
Dolly Parton and her two wonderfully round and soft friends once had the name, Booby Trap as a CB handle.
Famous leading man Sean Connery represented Scotland in the 1952 Mr. Universe contest.
Elizabeth Taylor’s film career started at the age of 10 in a low-brow comedy called There’s One Born Every Minute, which also featured former Our Gang star, Carl (Alfalfa) Switzer.
As you can see most of the celebrity gossip from the good old days isn’t nearly as juicy as what we’re dealing with today. I just wish I had the power to bundle up all of the Kardashians (including big Daddy/Mommy Jenner), all of their associates and children and lovers and ex-lovers and husbands and ex-husbands, and dump them all back into the 1920’s. If only wishing made it so.
In my younger days I considered myself a scratch golfer. I played with many of my friends, family, and people I worked with for years and always had a great time. I thought today I’d lighten things up a little with some golfing jokes. I’m sure all of you golfers out there will appreciate these three jokes but I can honestly say they can’t compare to the experiences I actually had with my friends and family. Enjoy . . .
One day a man came home from work and was greeted by his wife dressed up in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want with me.” So, he tied her up and went golfing.
So, there are three golfers, (Bob, Max and Ted) who are looking for a fourth. Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so they decide to invite him for the following Saturday. “Sure, I’d love to play, says George, but I may be about 10 minutes late, so wait for me.” So, Saturday rolls around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9 AM and find George already waiting for them. He plays right-handed and beats them all. Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if he’d like to play again the following Saturday. “Yeah, sounds great”, says George. “But I may be about 10 minutes late, so wait for me.” The following Saturday, again, all four golfers, show up on time, but this time George plays left-handed and beats them all. As they’re getting ready to leave, George says, “See you next Saturday, but I may be about 10 minutes late, so wait for me.” Every week, George is right on time and plays great with whichever hand he decides to use and every week, he departs with the same message. After a couple of months, Ted is pretty damn tired of this routine, so he says, “Wait a minute, George. Every week you say you may be about 10 minutes late, but you’re right on time. You then beat us either left-handed or right-handed, what’s the story? “Well,” George says, “I’m kind of superstitious. When I get up in the morning, I look over at my wife. If she’s sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed, and if she’s sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed.” “So, what do you do if she’s sleeping on her back?” “Well . . . That’s one of days I’ll be 10 minutes late.”
A man constantly and continuously talked only about golf. His angry wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t talk about something else. She: “Let’s talk about sex.” He: “I wonder if Tiger Woods got laid last night?”
During the 80’s life was pretty interesting. I was traveling a lot, meeting a lot of people, and generally enjoying my life. But it wasn’t all fun and games as compared to the lifestyles we have currently. Anyone identified as a Millennial then would have lost their effing minds. Political correctness was a rare thing and having a sense of humor required a thick skin. I’ve come upon in recent months a number of collections of humor from the 1980’s and for all of you Millennial’s out there, buckle up, the rides about to get a little bumpy.
When should you start playing with yourself in a restaurant? When there’s a sign that says, “First come, “first served!”
What would calla liberal who’s overweight and perverted? A bisexual built for two!
What did the surgeons say to the guy who wanted to do his own operation? ”Suture self!”
Why should you always travel with a sixpack in the wintertime? In case you have to leave a message in the snow!
What’s the harshest penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law!
What would you call a drink made out of orange juice and milk of magnesia? A Phillips Screwdriver!
What’s a wool diaphragm? A sock in the puss!
What’s a sanitary pad that girls can wear while dancing? Diskotex!
Why are erections like elections? It can get really stinky around the polls!
When is premature ejaculation a serious problem? When it occurs between “hello” and “what’s your sign?”
My Fav:Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them, too!
If you didn’t already know this, limericks in their own way are historical documents. In the past I reprinted a selection of World War II era limericks but how could I possibly forget the interesting limericks created by some of our famous cowboy historians. I knew I would find some bawdy limericks about our western heritage as written by bored saloon patrons or from a few bored bar maidens, or even a select few university scholars like Ray Allen Billington (Limericks, Historical and Hysterical). Try these on for size.
If you’ve read this blog at all you know I consistently use famous quotations from famous people to help make a point. Over the years having all of those quotes available has made my life much easier. Not all quotes are complementary, and I found almost as many nasty and mean quotes as good ones. Here are some quotes that some people probably wish they hadn’t made. You be the judge…
“Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.” Bill Vaughn
“You have set up in New York Harbor a monstrous idol which you call Liberty. The only thing that remains to complete the monument is to put on its pedestal the inscription written by Dante on the gates of Hell: “All hope abandon, ye who enter here.” George Bernard Shaw
“St. Laurent has excellent taste. The more he copies me, the better taste he displays.” Coco Chanel
“Everyone wants to understand painting. Why don’t they try to understand the singing of the birds? People love the night, a flower, everything which surrounds them without trying to understand. But painting – that they must understand.” Pablo Picasso
“There are moments when art attains almost the dignity of manual labor.” Oscar Wilde
This next section concerns a prolific contributor to every subject imaginable: Anonymous. I truly enjoy these mean and nasty unidentified criticizers.
“Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise.”
“An architect is two percent gentleman and ninety-eight percent renegade car salesman.”
“The Eiffel Tower in Paris is the Empire State Building after taxes.”
“A modern artist is one who throws paint on a canvas, wipes it off with a cloth, and sells the cloth.”
“They couldn’t find the artist, so they hung the picture.”
“Poetry is living proof that rhyme doesn’t pay.”
“Dancing is the perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.”
It’s a cold and miserable day here in New England and my motivations have evaporated. I’ve been surfing the web for an hour, and something occurred to me. Regardless of how well you explain something, you’re wrong. There are just so many freaking so-called experts on every topic, who knew? That last statement was as sarcastic as I can make it without losing my mind. Never let it be said that Americans don’t have a high opinion of themselves as well as an innate ability to criticize new ideas at every turn. Social media is fine but it’s a double-edged sword. You can get your ideas out there whether they are well thought out or just plain stupid and then the backlash comes. I never really understood just how stupid I was until all of these so-called experts came out of the woodwork to explain things to me. I ‘ve always felt in my heart that many of our fellow citizens are idiots filled with misinformation and conspiracy theories but thanks to social media they now have the freedom to send their bullshit to the world and to further verify what idiots they are.
It’s nothing new because know-it-all’s have always been in the background spewing their thoughts and nonsense to the world. Here are a few samples from our illustrious past.
“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.” – from workers whom Edwin L. Drake tried to hire on his project to drill for oil in Titusville, Pennsylvania in 1859
“The concept is interesting and well formed, but in order to earn better than a “C”, the idea must be feasible.” – stated a professor of Management at Yale University, commenting on the term paper by Fred Smith which earned only a “C”. The paper outlined a plan for a reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to create the Federal Express company in 1973.
“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.” – an unidentified response to Debbi Field’s plan to start Mrs. Field’s Cookies.
“If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that say you can’t do this.” – a statement from Spencer Silver on the work that led to the adhesives for the 3M Post-It notepads.
“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” – a statement from Lee Iacocca, former chairman, Ford Motor Company
“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” – a statement made by Charles H. Duell, commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
I love finding odd facts. Her are a collection of fifteen interesting and somewhat puzzling tidbits.
60% of sports related injuries occur during practice.
Golf may be considered a benign sport, but can carry a risk of injury and death, most often from lightning, power lines, heart attack, and heatstroke.
Experts estimate that more than 21 billion diapers are dumped into US landfills each year.
Adolf Hitler suffered from chronic flatulence.
Omorashi is a fetish subculture in Japan dedicated to arousal from the feeling of having a full bladder.
The average human will spend three years on the toilet during his lifetime.
The most germ laden place on the toilet isn’t the seat or even the bowl: it’s the handle.
Feces in the water supply causes 10% of the world’s communicable diseases.
Women are up to five times more likely than men to have urinary incontinence problems, primarily due to the trauma the body experiences during pregnancy and childbirth.
More Americans choke on toothpicks than any other object. Toothpicks injure approximately 9000 people every year.
Thanks to the technology like TV screens in grocery stores and airports, cell phone videos, and digital movie libraries, the average American sees 61 minutes of ads and promotions each day.
A bezoar is a ball of swallowed fiber or hair that gathers in the stomach and get stuck in the intestines.
Ancient Romans used human urine as an ingredient in their toothpaste.
A mummified hand has been on display in City Hall in Munster, Germany for 400 years. It belonged to a notary who falsely certified a document, and had his hand chopped off as punishment, then displayed as a warning.
The world’s oceans contain enough salt to cover every continent to a depth of approximately 500 feet.
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