I’ve never been one to load up the bumpers of my vehicles with the pearls of wisdom contained on bumper stickers. I’ve had more vehicles than I can remember and the only bumper sticker I ever put on one of my cars was in 1975. It read, HONK IF YOUR HORNY, on the back of my beautiful orange Gremlin. That being said I still love reading them on the cars of others. Here are a few that decorated vehicles during the late 20th century.
CAUTION, I DRIVE JUST LIKE YOU
SORRY, I DON’T DATE OUTSIDE MY SPECIES
NOT ALL DUMBS ARE BLOND
I DON’T BRAKE FOR PEDESTRIANS
IF YOU LIVED IN YOUR CAR, YOU’D BE HOME BY NOW
LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS’ MISTAKES, USE BIRTH CONT ROL
EAT WELL, STAY FIT, DIE ANYWAY
MY WIFES OTHER CAR IS A BROOM
INSTANT ASSHOLE, JUST ADD ALCOHOL
BEER ISN’T JUST FOR BREAKFAST
HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST
BE CAREFUL – 90 PERCENT OF PEOPLE ARE CAUSED BY ACCIDENTS
Let’s talk about shopping. I’m not a shopaholic by any means but my better-half is. She keeps me posted on many things and it never ceases to amaze me how the prices have soared since the pandemic. I’m not here to say that’s a good thing or a bad thing but it is a thing we have to deal with. I myself do a lot of food shopping and I track food prices fairly closely to save a buck here or to save a buck there. It usually takes a lot to surprise me but the prices in the last year have been rising at a ridiculous rate. I don’t know whether it’s just the ability of every business in the country to gouge the crap out of the population or maybe there is some other logical reason for it. Honestly, I think it’s a little bit of both. Just to satisfy my bizarre curiosity I decided to do some price matches from the 1950’s against our present prices. This list is primarily products that everybody uses and needs, and I retrieved the 1950’s numbers from my archives which are unquestionably accurate and for the present-day numbers you can thank Google. Prepare yourself to be truly depressed.
1950’s v. 2022
Bread (1 lb.) $ .14 / $1.75
Bacon (1 lb.) $ .77 / $7.61
Butter (1 lb.) $ .87 / $5.00
Eggs (Doz.) $ .72 / $3.42
Milk (Gal.) $ .44 / $4.41
Potatoes (10 lb.) $ .57 / $6.00
Coffee (1 lb.) $ .51 / $2.99
Sugar (5 lbs.) $ .47 / $ .59
Gas (Gal. Reg.) $ .26 / $4.02
Postage $ .03 / $ .50
I’m all for getting the people who supply these goods to us a fair wage and a fair price but to see this much of a change in some of these categories leads me to believe some of these prices are not fair. It seems that everyone these days is an expert on just about everything so I’m sure I’ll get some trolls complaining about this post. These are my opinions and if you disagree with me, I’d recommend that you start a blog, do some research, post your own information, and then answer all of the lame-ass email criticisms you’ll likely to receive from people just like you. Merry Christmas!
I’m a bit of a history nut and because it’s the Christmas season I began wondering, how the Christmas we celebrate came to be. Of course, having a trace of Celtic blood in me leads me directly back to the Druids and some of their odd and unusual celebratory customs. As far as I can tell that’s where the tradition of mistletoe began as it was a part of many of their holiday ceremonies. As I read through a number of books there was absolutely no history of kissing under the mistletoe in the days of the Druids. The tradition of hanging a sprig in the house is supposedly linked to them as well. That came much later with the earliest recorded mention in some sort of music from 1784.
In illustrations of Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol, there appeared pictures of people kissing under the mistletoe. It’s quite likely that those illustrations popularized the custom. Leave it up to us Americans to take an old Bronze Age custom and turn it into just another reason to be kissing on someone.ofofofI was also curious of where the custom of bringing a tree into the house originated. As best I can determine it started with the Germans who got it from the Romans, who got it from the Egyptians who got it from the Babylonians. Who knows what’s true and what isn’t. It seems that those pesky Babylonians passed down a lot of crazy traditions to anyone who’d listen. Apparently, there was some sort of Babylonian fable concerning an evergreen tree that grew out of a dead tree trunk. Sounds stupid to me but any reason is a good reason when you want to throw a party or orgy.
The first written record of a decorated Christmas tree comes from Latvia, in the 1500’s. Local merchants decorated a tree and danced around it in the marketplace. When they became too tired to dance, they set it on fire. I’m sure glad that custom didn’t make it to the present day. Around that same time the Germans in their infinite wisdom passed a law to limit the size of a Christmas tree to just over four foot high. You gotta love them Germans.
Jump ahead a hundred years when it became common in Germany to decorate Christmas trees with apples. During the 1700’s in parts of Austria and Germany, evergreen tips hung from the ceiling and were decorated with apples, gilded nuts and red paper strips. The first mentions of using lighted candles came from France in the 18th century. Those quirky French must have a fondness for the occasional house fire. As Europeans emigrated to America, they brought their customs with them. The Christmas tree was introduced in the United States and grew from tabletop size to floor-to-ceiling. If you’re going to live in America, everyone knows things must be bigger and better.
In the 1880’s trees began to be sold commercially in the United States and were normally harvested from the forests. The first glass ornaments were introduced again from Germany and were mostly balls. Toys and figurines also became more common during those years. Sears, Roebuck & Company began offering artificial Christmas trees for sale – 33 limbs for $.50 and 55 limbs for $1.00. There was nothing that Sears Roebuck won’t rush to sell to make a few bucks.
The 1900’s brought us the first Christman tree farms because the surrounding forests were being overharvested. W.V. McGalliard planted 25,000 Norway spruce on his farm in New Jersey to get the ball rolling. President Theodore Roosevelt actually considered banning the practice of having Christmas trees out of his concern about the destruction of the forests. His two sons disagreed and enlisted the help of conservationist Gifford Pinchot to convince the President that the tradition was not harmful to the forests. In 1966 the National Christmas Tree Association began its time-honored tradition of having the Grand Champion grower present a Christmas Tree to the First Lady for display in the Blue Room of the White House. Currently there are approximately 25-30 million real Christmas trees sold each year in the United States. Almost all of these come from farms.
Just a tip from a former college student who worked part-time on a Christmas tree farm in Edinboro, Pennsylvania in the 1960’s. It was the worst job I ever had. I smelled like pine trees for months and ruined most of my clothes because of the sap. That job convinced me to say the hell with tradition, just get me one of those beautiful artificial trees. I never looked back.
When I woke up this morning, I immediately decided to ignore Christmas for a few more days. The decision was caused by a combination of things but primarily due to the last 25 Christmas Rom-Com’s I had to watch at the insistence of my better half. One more passionate but interrupted kiss and I will run screaming from the room. Let’s just amuse ourselves for a little while longer before the Christmas elf makes the next 2 weeks a green and red nightmare.
The insults “moron, “idiot”, “imbecile,” and “cretin” were all once official medical diagnoses.
The penis of a Barnicle may reach up to 20 times its body size.
The highest possible legal score on a first turn in Scrabble is given by the word “muzjiks,” scoring 128 points. The world record for the highest score on a single turn is “quixotry” for 365 points.
The FBI had a 1427-page dossier on Albert Einstein.
“Queueing” is the only word in English with five consecutive vowels.
A cow burps up to 280 liters of methane per day.
Two thirds of the world’s people never seen snow.
Woodrow Wilson is the only president to have had a PhD.
Aldous Huxley died on the same day John F. Kennedy was assassinated.
From a height of 3 kilometers, it takes 30 minutes for a snowflake to reach the ground.
In the United States, 12% of women with MBAs are divorced or separated, compared with 5% of men with MBAs.
In any given day, more people in India travel by train then by plane in the entire year.
One American in 6500 is injured by a toilet seat during their lifetime.
Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport is larger than Manhattan.
Ladders are dropped on Los Angeles freeways more than any other item.
Every year, an average of 12 Japanese tourists in Paris have to be repatriated due to severe culture shock.
Last’s weeks installments created not only some discussion with my better-half but also with a number of readers. The general feeling was that it was an interesting process but disturbing once everyone started explaining their opinions. That’s a perfect reason to continue with these posts because the questions tend to get even more interesting as we proceed. Here are the next fifteen questions you can share with your spouse or partner. Have fun with it.
If at birth you could select the profession your child would eventually pursue, would you do so?
Would you be willing to become extremely ugly physically if it meant you would live for 1000 years at any physical age you choose?
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?
You have the chance to meet someone with you can have the most satisfying level imaginable – the stuff of dreams. Sadly, you know that in six months the person will die. Knowing the pain that would follow, would you still want to meet the person and fall in love? What if you knew your lover would not die, but instead would betray you?
If you knew of a way to use your estate, following your death, could greatly benefit humanity, would you do it and leave only a minimal amount to your family?
Do you prefer being around men or women? Do your closest friends tend to be men or women?
If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you choose, would you?
While on a trip to another city, your spouse or lover meets and spend the night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never meet again, and that you will not otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about? If roles were reversed, would you reveal what you had done?
Are there people you envy enough to want to trade lives with them? Who are they?
For an all-expense paid, one-week vacation anywhere in the world, would you be willing to kill a beautiful butterfly by pulling off its wings? What about stepping on a cockroach?
Would you be willing to murder an innocent person if it would end hunger in the world?
If God appeared to you in a series of vivid and moving dreams and told you to leave everything behind, travel alone to the Red Sea and become a fisherman, what would you do? What if you were told to sacrifice your child?
What is your most treasured memory?
Have you ever hated anyone? If so, why and for how long?
With you rather be given $10,000 for your own use or $100,000 to give anonymously to strangers. What if you could keep $1 million or giveaway $20 million?
With the holidays underway I looked far and wide for some holiday related limericks. I found a few but they were absolutely horrible. So, I decided that since every holiday has a feast of one kind or another, today’s collection of limericks will be about food and eating. They are also rated G so the younger readers can enjoy them as well. The juicier limericks will continue after the holidays for all of you poetry connoisseurs. These are circa 1952.
Growing up I always wondered what I might do with my life but nothing every grabbed me and ignited a passion. It took me years of struggling and foolishness before I was able to decide the direction I wanted to take. That being said I never had an all-consuming passion from an early age for anything (except possibly for drawing) like some people have been lucky to find. I see my grandchildren now and I wonder as much as they do in what direction they may go. Through the centuries people at very young ages have done some amazing things. I thought I’d pass along a few of them today. Read these, then look at your kids and grandkids, and try and guess where they’re headed.
At the Age of 2
Tenzin Gyatso is declared to be the Dalai Lama.
Judy Garland launches her stage career.
Husan-t’ung becomes the final emperor of China.
Isabella the second ascends to the Spanish throne.
At the Age of 3
Tiger Woods shoots a 48 for nine holes on his hometown golf course in Cypress, California.
Albert Einstein speaks for the first time.
Ivan the Terrible becomes the Grand Prince of Moscow.
Alice Lindell first meets Charles Dodgson (pen name of Lewis Carroll) who was the inspiration for the book Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.
At the Age of 4
Kim Ung-Yong, with an estimated IQ of 200, speaks fluent Korean, English, Japanese, and German.
Andre Agassi hits tennis balls for 15 minutes with Jimmy Connors, then the world’s top player.
Malcolm Little – who later changes his name to Malcolm X – watches as his family’s home was burned down by members of the Ku Klux Klan.
Bob Hope emigrates from England to the United States.
At the Age of 5
Debra Wilson, mountain climber, skills a 4000-foot peak.
Christopher Robin Milne hears the first “Winnie the Pooh” story, with himself as the main character, made up by his father, A. A.
Charlie Chaplin appears with his mother on the vaudeville stage.
Christina becomes the Queen-elect of Sweden.
At the Age of 6
Shirley Temple receives an honorary Oscar for her contribution to film.
Marie Grosholtz – better known later as Mme. Tussaud – first works with wax.
Warren Buffett, peerless Wall Street investor-to-be, earns profits by selling Coca-Cola to his friends.
Ron Howard stars as Opie in TV’s The Andy Griffith Show.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart gives keyboard concerts across Europe.
Clara Hirschfield, called “Tootsie” by her father, a confectioner, is honored to have his new candy, the “Tootsie Roll”, named for her.
NOW FOR ME
Age 2 – Discovered I liked milk and my first breast.
Age 3 – Discovered my hands and feet.
Age 4 – Learned my first curse word.
Age 5 – Drew my first sketch.
Age 6 – Created my first ridiculous cartoon character.
My post yesterday turned into something unexpected for me. I sat with my better-half last night and went through the fifteen questions. I had fairly reasonable answers for most of the questions and the discussion was fun and informative. I was surprised by some of her answers, and she was just as surprised about some of mine. One question in particular I had a difficult time answering because I had to give it some serious thought. The question was “What person do you admire most?” I finally came up with my answer later in the evening, the individual that I admired most was my maternal grandfather.
Most of my early life from ages five through twelve required me to spend a great deal of time with my grandfather and he was a great role model. He worked an absolutely horrible job for US Steel in a Pittsburgh area steel mill which eventually was responsible for his death. He spent more than thirty years being lowered into recently emptied hot steel molds. He had no safety equipment for the most part and was lowered into hundred plus degree molds on a bosun’s chair. He then used a grinder to clear slag from the mold so it could be reused. He worked hard his whole life, took care of his family, was brutally honest in his dealings with everyone, and he passed all of his work ethic and honesty directly to me. That’s a gift that I’ve been using for more than sixty-five years, and I wish he was still around so I could thank him for it.
Here’s a picture taken of him in the early 1940’s.
I certainly hope some of you take the time for some self-reflection and that these lists I’ll be posting over the next few months are the perfect tool to help get the conversations started. Not only will you get to know your partner or spouse better, but they will also get to know you as well.
It is better to make a mistake with full force of your being than to carefully avoid mistakes with a trembling spirit. Socrates
I really want to break away from all of the Christmas hoopla for a few days. This post will not be about trivia but questions to help determine your values, your beliefs, and your life; love, money, sex, integrity, generosity, pride and death are all included. I’m going to supply you with fifteen questions (the first of thirteen installments) and these questions could help you to understand yourself a little better. I honestly think that doing it with a spouse or partner would be particularly interesting because of the conversations that would follow. Let’s get started . . .
For a person you love deeply, would you be willing to move to a distant country knowing there would be little chance of seeing your family or friends again?
Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend the night alone in a remote house that is supposedly haunted?
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having called someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
If you could spend one year in perfect happiness but afterword would remember nothing of the experience, would you do so? If not, why not?
If a new medicine were developed that would cure arthritis but cause a fatal reaction in 1% of those who took it, would you want it to be released to the public?
Falling down is not a failure. Failure comes when you stay where you have fallen. Socrates
You discover your wonderful one-year-old child is, because of a mix-up at the hospital, not yours. Would you want to exchange the child to try to correct the mistake?
Do you think that the world will be a better place or a worse place 100 years from now?
Would you rather be a member of a world championship sports team or be the champion of an individual sport? Which sport would you choose?
Would you accept $1 million to leave the country and never set foot in it again?
Which sex do you think has it easier in our culture? Have you ever wished you were of the opposite sex?
The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less. Socrates
You are given the power to kill people simply by thinking of their deaths and twice repeating the word “goodbye”. People would die a natural death, and no one would suspect you. Are there any situations in which you would use this power?
If you are able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the body or the mind of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
What would constitute a “perfect” evening for you?
Would you rather be extremely successful professionally and have a tolerable yet unexciting private life, or have an extremely happy private life and only a tolerable and uninspiring professional life?
Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?
***
More installments will follow. Pour some wine and enjoy the discussion.
As I’m sure you all know, people love beer. With the holidays coming up I assume that all of you beer fanatics out there will be hoisting a few cold ones while watching many of your favorite football games. I’m not a beer person but I’m sure if you consume enough it will make for an even happier holiday season. I understand it also helps, if done properly, to “zone out” all of the miscellaneous holiday conversations you would normally be required to respond to. I’ve been told many times by friends and acquaintances alike that “beer is better than women”. This posting was sent to me by a friend, but it should be read primarily by the men. I’m sure a few beer drinking women will be up in arms over this post but please don’t kill the messenger. I’m just forwarding this along to the men out there who will be in need of some comic relief in the coming months.
WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN
You can enjoy a beer all month long.
You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.
When beer goes flat, you toss it out.
Beer is never late.
A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.
When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
Beer never has a headache.
A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
If you pour beer right, you’ll always get good head.
A beer always goes down easy.
A beer is always wet.
A frigid beer is a good beer.
You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
Beer doesn’t care when you come.
You always know if you’re the first one pop a beer.
Hell, I think I’m having a beer induced epiphany. After reading all of this interesting information I just might have to try a beer or two over the holidays. I never realized just how much better beer was than women until I read this list. As an aside ladies, if you think this list was misleading or untrue, I welcome any contributions from all of you as to why beer is better than men.
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