I thought a few limericks were in order today. The first one was created just for my better-half’s sister. The remainder are just for fun.
There once was a lady from BelAir
Who had long and flowing hair.
When she jumped into bed,
she often hit her head,
but never disturbed a single hair.
❤❤❤
A health-care provider from Bloom
Wanted someone to paint her living room.
The price for a painter was high
But she knew how to be sexy and shy,
and hopefully the painting will be done soon.
❤❤❤
There are my two “G” rated limericks. I normally don’t post them, but these are being done for special people. Now I can get on with a few more interesting ones that have a little more “Oomph”.
As you already know, I’m not a fan of celebrity worship nor politicians. Today will be a treat for you because I’m going to supply with helpful advice as voiced by both groups. It’s entirely up to you whether you follow their advice as you will see as you read.
“Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.” Harry S Truman
“You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.” Al Capone
“Never trust a man unless you got his pecker in your pocket.” Lyndon Baines Johnson
“Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.” Gypsy Rose Lee
“Rise early. Work late. Strike oil.” J. Paul Getty
“Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.” Nelson Algren
“There’s nothing to winning, really. That is, if you happen to be blessed with a keen eye, an agile mind, and no scruples whatsoever.” Alfred Hitchcock
“To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.” Cary Grant
“Don’t let your mouth write a check that your tail can’t cash.” Bo Diddley
“Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn’t want your mother to hear at the trial” Sydney Biddle Barrows (the Mayflower Madam).
The English language has flourished over the centuries and new words and expressions have creeped into the lexicon all the time. I’ve been fortunate, I think, to have traveled across the United States many times during my career. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the sayings or clichés that were the same but had totally different meanings depending on the area of the country. I’m going to give you a few examples today that you’ve likely heard many times in your life but never knew the origins of them. I found some of this information really interesting, I hope you did too.
“ANOTHER NAIL IN THE COFFIN”
This depressing phrase is applied to a development that makes the situation progressively worse. The “final nail” can also be compared with the “last straw”, but the meaning remains the same. This saying was originally adopted by smokers as early as the 1920s. They referred to cigarettes as “coffin nails” and this expression became the stock response when someone accepted yet another cigarette. At the time they were referring to the hazards of a smoker’s cough; the links between smoking, cancer and heart disease were only recognized later (when cigarettes earned another wonderful nickname, “cancer sticks”).
“ANTS IN ONE’S PANTS“
This cliché is said to describe an excessively restless or over-eager person. The US Army General, Hugh S. Johnson, was in charge of the National Recovery Administration (NRA) In 1933 for FDR. He said of the NRA general counsel, Donald Richburg: “Donald’s agitation is just a symptom of the ants of conscience in his pants.”
“THE BOTTOM LINE“
It is the main point of an argument, the basic characteristic of something, the actual value of a financial deal, or the truth of the matter. The phrase itself was originally an accounting term and referred to the figure at the end of a financial statement, indicating the net profit or loss of the company. The term gained wide usage during the 1970s, possibly because of its frequent use by Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger. He often spoke of “the bottom line” as the eventual outcome of a negotiation – ignoring the distraction of any incidental details.
After receiving a few requests, it’s time for more retro bumper stickers. I’ve actually found a number of them that I’m in the process of having reprinted for my own use. I could be convinced to stick them on a few cars whose drivers have aggravated me. I’m also working on one for people who park inappropriately, to stick on their windshields. I’m a baaaad man.
I’m sending these rather bawdy limericks along after receiving a few requests for a raunchier selection. I’m nothing if not a people pleaser, so here they are. That’s right, you know who you are!!
As I was driving home this morning from the dentist’s office I was listening to the latest news from the Ukraine and Russia. I was thinking, what would President Biden do if something like this were to happen here. It’s not that I’m not a big fan of Biden, which I’m not, I just don’t think any politician that I know of currently would know exactly what to do in this type of situation. Out of all of the people involved Putin is the only one with a World War II mindset, and a real lack of concern for the deaths and destruction that he is causing. Most of our World War II politicians are either out of office or dead. Unfortunately, you need somebody who thinks like he does and won’t hesitate to return all the nastiness right back at him. Leadership is something you can’t really teach. True leaders have a knack in their dealings with people and how they problem solve. Here are few opinions on leadership you might find interesting.
“The leader holds his position purely because he is able to appeal to the conscience and to the reason of those who support him, and the boss holds his position because he appeals to fear of punishment and hope of reward. The leader works in the open, and the boss in covert. The leader leads, and the boss drives.” Theodore Roosevelt
“A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.” Martin Luther King Jr.
“I was only the servant of my country and had I, at any moment, failed to express her unflinching resolve to fight and conquer, I should at once have been rightly cast aside.” Winston Churchill
“Your position never gives you the right to command. It only imposes on you the duty of so living your life that others can receive your orders without being humiliated.” Dag Hammarskjöld
HOPE AND PRAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS NEVER OCCURS HERE
I normally don’t like to write about politics. Years ago, that’s all I was interested in, but finally common sense prevailed. Today my post will be a little political but coming from a completely new direction. I’m going to talk today about presidents and some of the statistics and trivial facts that aren’t readily known.
We’ve has 47 presidents (counting Grover Cleveland twice).
The average age of our presidents at the date of Inauguration was 56.23 years.
The average life expectancy of the presidents has been 72.2 years.
George Washington wanted Americans to address him as “His Mightiness the President.”
While he was president, Franklin Pierce was arrested for running down an elderly woman in his carriage. He was later found not guilty.
President Warren G. Harding exercised regularly by playing ping-pong.
Herbert Hoover was the first president to have a telephone in his office. Earlier, presidents who wanted to use the phone had to use the one in the hall.
Grover Cleveland, 22nd president, was the first one to leave the country while in office. But he didn’t go far. He sailed into international waters 3 miles off the United States coast and did a little fishing and then returned.
Andrew Jackson, known for his colorful language, apparently taught his pet parrot to curse. When Jackson died in 1845, the parrot was brought to his funeral. It swore at him through the entire service.
It was so cold at Ulysses S. Grant’s inauguration that the canaries that were supposed to sing during the inaugural ball froze to death.
Right after I awoke this morning, I got online and was watching a blurb from one of Sarah Silverman’s podcasts. I’ve always been a fan of Silverman and I appreciate her views on a lot of subjects and love her comedy. She was talking briefly about being taken to task by Paris Hilton for some jokes made a number of years ago when Hilton seemed to be on every TV, every hour, and was just annoying as she could be. Sarah doesn’t need me to defend her because she’s more than capable of doing that job all by herself. I just thought I’d make a few comments of my own and exercise my Freedom of Speech. Please Ms. Hilton, “Shut the hell up”. I’m certain you will make sure you get as much media coverage as you can now that you’re a reformed celebrity and a wife. I’d better not see any honeymoon videos accidently released to the media as has happened a few times in the past. Just to let everyone know how I really see her, read a few of her ridiculous pearls of wisdom she insisted on sharing with the world.
“Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.”
There’s nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I’m that icon.”
“I don’t think there’s ever been anyone like me that’s lasted.”
everyuselessthing.com 