Archive for the ‘annoying’ Tag
It’s time for installment number five of the “Things I Once Hated” in the hopes that it’ll show I’m no longer the hater I once was. I keep telling people I’m mellowing with age but after listening to some of their comments I’m beginning to think they still aren’t believing me. I am getting mellower dammit! What’s wrong with all these people? Let’s just get started on today’s items 56-70 before I get irritated even further.
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#56 Vegans – These smelly people are no better than those religious types who insist on showing up at my house to irritate me. Trying to convince me not to eat meat is like asking the pope not to pray so much. It looks good on paper but it will never work. No improvement here you stupid veggie eating, Kool-aid drinking, dipsticks.
#57 Greasy Sink Water – Thank god for Dawn dish detergent. It’s helped me to eliminate this problem from my life which is reflected by my 50% reduction in hatred.
#58 Fake Boobs – As I’ve previously stated many times I love boobs. I’ll further qualify that statement by saying I still hate fake boobs. Some of the fakes are nice to look at as a general rule many look a little strange. Unless the women are willing to spring for the added expense of a nipple relocation they can get downright bizarre. No improvement.
#59 Ass Kissers aka Brown-Noser’s – Over the years I’ve worked with many of these folks and while it can be fun to watch them go through their antics I still can’t respect them or like them. No improvement.
#60 Waiting in Lines – This has always made me a little crazy. With the development of e-readers and IPads it no longer bothers me quite so much. 50% improvement.
#61 Autopsy’s – This can never change. I’ve been present at quite a few and it never gets any easier. No improvement.
#62 Bee Stings – This one has faded into my past and something I’ve finally learned to deal with. If they sting me now I just get the best bee killing insecticide on the market and kill every last one of the little bastards. 100% improvement.
# 63 Stinky Breath – To me this is just one step below Body Odor. What’s amazing to me is that 77.54% of people who have BO also have terrible breath. Is there some sort of connection there? Who knows? No improvement.
#64 Illegal Aliens – Seeing as how my better-half’s son currently living in LA was rear ended by an unlicensed and uninsured illegal Mexican driver this week. No freaking improvement. Suck it Mr. President.
#65 Adam Sandler – I’ve totally changed my mind on Mr. Sandler. I’ve finally seen a few things of his that I really enjoyed. 100% improvement.
#66 Democrats – I’ll just refer you back to my comment on Liberals at item #36. No improvement.
#67 Wet Farts – I don’t like having them and I don’t like sitting near someone else who’s having them. PU! No improvement.
#68 Feet Calluses – I’ll again refer you back to item #40, Corns. There’s nothing as romantic as snuggling on the couch with your spouse and be forced to watch her sand her calluses or trim her toe nails. Ahhhhh, true love. No improvement.
#69 Performing Artists - These might be the most annoying of the street people with Mimes leading the pack. For me they’re even worse than the homeless. At least the homeless will go away after you give them a buck. These fools stick around and refuse to leave. No improvement.
#70 Ugly or Fugly Feet – This item is not about Corns or Calluses. It’s about just plain ugly feet. Why is it that people with the ugliest feet also insist on wearing sandals to restaurants. I’ve got a thing for feet and that’s the worst experience I could have. “Down With Ugly Feet”, now there’s your bumper sticker. No improvement.
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That leaves only thirty more items before I complete the review of my list of 100. I think I’m making good progress so far and I plan on posting the newly revised list once this review has been completed.
Mr. Mellow signing off.
Odd Thought: I have a question. Does it mean anything at all that January is Self-Love Month? My follow-up to that question is this: Does it mean anything that the last week of the month is set aside as Meat Week? And lastly does it mean anything at all that the last Saturday of the month is National Seed Swap Day? I was just wondering, that’s all.
I have a lot of questions like that and they never seem to get answered. What possesses people to do questionable and rude things? Is it sheer stupidity or is it a complete and total disregard of every other person on the planet? In order to find answers to that question I usually spend a little time cruising around Walmart. It’s amazing just how many rude and inconsiderate people can be found in that one building.
This has been a week of Walmart for me. I was almost run down and injured by a rather large woman with a cart full of merchandise that was so full it was overflowing and falling on the floor. She pushed me out of the way in order to get 4 feet ahead of me in line at the checkout register. Being the calm and polite person that I am I quietly asked, “Ma’am just what the hell do you think your doing?” She gave me a rather dirty look, turned her back to me and began throwing her merchandise onto the register counter. I was then forced to wait even longer when she had an issue over the use of an EBT card. That’s a food stamp card for those of you not in the know. She was pissed off that the cashier was questioning her purchases of alcohol. Go figure.
How many times have you sat and patiently waited for a parking spot to clear and then have some A-hole pull in from the other direction in front of you? It happens all too often for my liking but unless your willing to risk some sort of “road rage” incident your forced to swallow your pride and just “let it go”. How many times does it have to happen before you flip out completely and create a huge scene and argument? In my younger days I was one of the guys who wouldn’t put up with that crap and came close to fisticuffs a number of times. That was when I finally became aware that there are large numbers of people out there who are total and complete morons. And don’t get me started on the rudeness displayed with cell phone usage. That’s a whole other posting that will be addressed soon.
I’m not just picking on Walmart customers because these incidents occur with people driving those big expensive SUV’s as well who think that we peons are just inconveniences to be dealt with when we interfere with their activities. More inconsiderate well-to-do A-holes.
Years ago I spent a few bucks on adhesive paper that fit my inkjet printer and printed up a number of of small bulletin cards for addressing parking lot rudeness, driving rudeness, and other sorts of inconsiderate activities that pissed me off. If someone blocked me in or parked in an inconsiderate manner I’d slap one of my adhesive bulletins on their windshield directly blocking their view from the drivers seat. It took a little elbow grease and a lot of cursing for them to remove those bulletin from the windshield but it was oh so satisfying for me as I drove away.
I think it’s time to reinvent my bulletins. I’ll refresh the wording a little and make them even more polite than usual. It has much more of an effect on rude people when you politely tell them they’re rude and inconsiderate. I’ll start carrying a supply of them with me again and begin making their lives as miserable as they make mine. By doing it this way I avoid those dangerous confrontations while still getting my points across.
Once I start passing them out I’ll keep you posted on the results. This is the only safe way I can think of to make them aware of my unhappiness and just how stupid, inconsiderate, and ignorant they seem to be.
Revenge is sweet regardless of what all those the do-gooder’s tell you.
P.S. And yes I understand that they may think that I’m rude and inconsiderate by my actions. Consider for a minute the source of that criticism and then “let it go”.
I thought an update might be warranted since I left in such a hurry yesterday. I’ll make it short and sweet. My leg was broken and the knee was badly bruised but oddly enough I had very little pain with either injury. My better-half arrived in short order and whisked me away to the local Emergency Room.
I was then lucky enough to spend a great part of my day sitting on my ass in the Emergency Room. First I got to chat with a fortyish women at the main desk who must have had her personality removed surgically. It was like trying to talk to my computer. When she was finished annoying me I was wheeled down the hall about ten feet to a waiting room where I sat for twenty minutes. A rather large but friendly woman whose job it was to obtain all of my personal information then took twenty minutes doing it. That’s just the hospital’s routine of getting all of my insurance information and anything else that may help them avoid a lawsuit down the road. With my leg still sticking up in the air I was jockeyed around the corner, thirty feet away, for another fifteen minutes where I was soon discovered by their computer geek who entered all of my data into their computer system and then filled my pockets with a huge pile of forms that further explained the hospitals privacy laws to me. Ho Effing Hum!
An hour and a half has now passed and I have yet to see or smell a doctor. I’m taken to an freezing cold examination room where I sat for another half hour and still no doctor. A young lady who looked twenty but sounded thirteen pushed me and my new best friend, the wheelchair, down the hall to x-ray. I was back in twenty minutes and told to wait for the doctor to arrive to explain things to me.
I become bored at that point and started nosing around their little room. As a payback for their insensitivity in leaving me sitting forever I managed to stand long enough to steal a dozen sets of really nice latex gloves from a dispenser on the wall. The next time I’m slicing and dicing hot peppers I can use those gloves and just grin a little.
Fifteen minutes later the doctor walks into the room, introduces himself, and states emphatically “it’s broken”. He drops another handful of forms on the table explaining how to use my new crutches. A nurse shows up and slaps on three ace bandages, a temporary splint, gives me a set of crutches, and the name and telephone number of an orthopedic doctor I need to call for an appointment. She advised that if I called as soon as possible I might get lucky and get in to see the doctor within a day or so. I was wheeled to my car, patted on the head, and sent on my way.
That was three hours of my life I’ll never get back. All I really received was a grand tour of their facility, free use of a wheelchair for three hours, three ace bandages, a fiberglass splint, and a really lovely pair of crutches. Fortunately I called the orthopedist from my car and was able to get an appointment for tomorrow. It would have been easier and cheaper just to cut the damn leg off and call it a day.
Trust me, I’ll keep you updated.
"I’m sarcastic, it isn’t going to change, so get over it.” I should have that sentence made into a really long bumper sticker. Those of you out there who are my brothers and sisters in sarcasm will understand completely. Those of you who are immune to sarcasm, you have my deepest sympathies (NOT TRUE).
I came by my ability honestly to turn almost anything said to me into a reciprocal sarcastic reply with little or no effort. I began developing this superpower at age ten when I discovered that I could deflect parents, adults, and bullies with sarcasm which in turn kept me from being beaten, spanked, and bothered. I decided then and there that using wit, sarcasm, and glib remarks was a valuable tool and I should refine it. If used properly and politely along with clever conversation it can also make you a bit more desirable to the ladies (PROVEN FACT). That in itself justified all of the time and effort I put into becoming a sarcasm expert.
As always when I write about things I try to research the meanings of the words I’m using. All of the intellectuals who are responsible for compiling dictionaries and encyclopedias describe sarcasm very clinically and for the most part in a negative fashion as this will clearly show:
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In sarcasm, ridicule or mockery is used harshly, often crudely and contemptuously (NOT ALWAYS TRUE), for destructive purposes (NEVER). It may be used in an indirect manner and have the form of irony (THIS WOULD BE ME), as in "Your ass really looks great in that dress or ”What a fine musician you turned out to be!". It may also be used in the form of a direct statement, "You couldn’t play one piece correctly if you had two assistants." The distinctive quality of sarcasm is present in the spoken word and manifested chiefly by vocal intonation.
Hostile, critical comments may be expressed in an ironic way, such as saying "don’t work too hard" to a lazy worker (BEEN THERE, DONE THAT). The use of irony introduces an element of humour which may make the criticism seem more polite and less aggressive (ME AGAIN). Sarcasm can frequently be unnoticed in print form, oftentimes requiring the intonation or tone of voice to indicate the quip or a note added to let people know (SEE BELOW).
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Sarcasm is a tool and a god-given talent for some but really gets no respect (ME) and viewing sarcasm as a negative really doesn’t get to the truth of it. There are some people, highly intelligent and educated, who just don’t get sarcasm. I throw sarcasm into a conversation for good reason. It allows me to gauge who understands my humor and those who don’t. It also identifies those who may be potential targets without even being aware of it.
I try (MOST OF THE TIME) not to be disrespectful during those occasions because I never want to be perceived as mean or rude. I like a lot of laughter in my life and when the people around me don’t bring anything to the table I’ll create it for them (AT THEIR EXPENSE IF NECESSARY).
AND SO TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE, HAVE A WONDERFUL AND GLORIOUS DAY (SARCASM OFF)
With all this heat we’ve been suffering through I discovered just how many things there are that annoy me when I’m all hot, sweaty, and irritable. My normal list of annoyances has increased by a factor of ten.
I realize the heat makes it even worse but it getting ridiculous. Yesterday I found myself annoyed by a plane flying over my house. The fact that it was at least 25,000 feet high made no difference. Those bastard pilots. It’s getting out of control and I’m praying for cooler weather before someone decides to kick my ass.
I jotted down a few more that some of you will hopefully agree with.
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People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
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People who are constantly late.
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Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
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Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
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Co-workers that try to sell stuff to you at work.
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People who make small talk with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them.
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Stores with TV monitors at the checkouts that play commercials.
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TV shows and commercials ads with ringing doorbells or phones, which make you think the sound is coming from your house.
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Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
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Fake laughter.
The more I think about this list the longer it gets. I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll reach the end of this nonsense.
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Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
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Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
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Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
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Celebrities preaching to me about politics.
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People saying "What’s up?" instead of saying "hi or hello".
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The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
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Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
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People who refer to themselves in the third person.
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Rappers who thank God at awards ceremonies.
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Mumbling, then annoyingly saying "Forget it!" when people don’t hear you.
Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.
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Business buzz words: synergistic, globalize, paradigm shift.
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People who dress their pets.
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Annoying nervous laughter.
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Someone opening a cabinet door or drawer and leaving it open.
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People who say "carmel" instead of "caramel".
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Overuse of the word "Like"
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Mispronunciation of words.
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People who are over age 21 who say the word "dude" way too often.
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When people use the word "literally" inappropriately. I.e. "I literally almost jumped out of my skin."
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People who bring their babies to the movies.
Wow, I’m starting to think almost everything is annoying me these days.
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When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
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Flood pants on men.
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People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
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Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
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People abbreviating words when they speak.
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Rude people talking at movies.
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Barking dogs.
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Having to explain the same thing more than once.
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People who don’t flush the toilet.
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When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole at Dunkin Donuts.
I’ve got to stop this foolishness. If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong. Being annoyed by myself while listing annoyances of other people that annoy everyone else. It’s a conundrum I tell you. I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list. It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already so get to it.
Man it’s hot in here.
Have you ever had something piss you off so bad that you felt a sharp, stabbing pain behind your eyes. If you have then the following list will be perfect for you. I love reading lists and also love writing them from time to time. Most people are occasionally annoying but on their really bad days they make my list. These items have started this Summer Season with a vengeance.
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People who love to talk over me during a conversation make me want to scream.
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The person in front of me at the 14 item express register checkout with fifty items in his cart and a bad attitude when confronted.
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Waiting in my car at the ATM for fifteen minutes for some moron on foot makes a withdrawal.
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The guy in the men’s room stall at Wal-mart who leaves the stall in a condition that some people (but not me) might call a real “shit hole”.
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The attractive woman driving the gorgeous new Lexus who rolls down her window and spits a huge oyster into the passing lane. When you then look at her she resorts to giving you the dreaded “finger”.
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People who will stand quietly in line at a movie theatre but can’t shut up once the movie starts.
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People who have something important to tell me and then send me a four word text.
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People who are “close talkers” with chronic “stench” breath who won’t stop talking.
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Waiting endlessly in a register line for a customer to be trained in the use of their debit card by the cashier.
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People who insist on telling me their child is an honor student in some BS school with a freaking bumper sticker.
I feel much better now that I’ve gotten all of these off my chest. It’s a very cathartic experience to say the least and just might keep me from hurting myself and others.
How many people do you know who seem to be constantly running here and there but accomplishing very little? They can’t slow themselves down so they eventually run out of energy and crash. It takes a while for them to recuperate but once they do, off they go again at full speed. During a normal conversation they constantly talk-over the person they’re speaking to and we all know how rude and annoying that can be.
I’m sympathetic to a point because many times they really can’t control themselves. If you know someone like that have them read the following few paragraphs. That might be difficult because many of these folks hate to read. They’ll read the first line of a paragraph and skip over the rest.
I was given this “Jar of Life” essay while in college from a stuffing know-it-all professor who apparently knew more than I thought.
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes".
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty spaces between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things — your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions — things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff." If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. "Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I’m glad you asked," he said "It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend."
I’ve always loved this piece because it just makes good sense. Share it with your frenzied friends who may need your help in prioritizing their life. If you have to, read it to them.
I’m beginning to think I’m becoming less tolerant these days. I’ve always been opinionated but lately it’s taken an ugly turn. Many people have constantly bitched and complained about the younger generations and their misuse of the English language but I think we should all be bitching and complaining about those complainers. I’m more pissed off and annoyed with the young adults and grownups who, trying to be cool, pickup a lot of this annoying slang. Kids will be kids but adults are supposed to set the example for them. Now it’s the kids setting something less than a good example for the adults.
I thought I’d compile a list of the things I hear every day when I’m out and about mixing and mingling with the great unwashed. The more I hear the more annoyed I get. I had to stop listening because my list was getting way too long. This list is definitely not in the order of annoyance.
“You know what I’m say’in?” – I could just scream every time I effing hear this. And you never hear it just once, it’s used over and over again in the same conversation.
“It’s literally a thousand degrees outside.” – This annoying adult slang. People don’t know what’s literal and what’s figurative. College education be damned.
“24/7/365” – I just hate this.
“Whatever” – Just say what your thinking, say F-You!
“Like” – "So I was, like, going to the store and, like, this guy stops me and, like, starts talking to me in, like, french."
“Whassssup?” – Morons, idiots, and Hip Hop
“Dis” – Do you realize how many people in this country have been killed or beaten because of this word?
“No way! WAY!!” – Thanks to the movie Clueless for this nonsense.
“Just Saying” – Just freaking stupid. I actually caught myself starting to use this and I’m so ashamed.
"My Bad!" – Anyone using this needs a foot buried deep in their ass.
”Sick (meaning cool)” – This is just sick, I think.
WORDS THAT ANNOY
"Snap"
"Tool”
"Awesome"
"Totally"
“Dude (when talking to a woman)”
“Trippin”
“OMG & LOL”
My better-half’s like, you know, whatever and I’m like, no way and she’s like, way! This posting is like, you know, OMG. Have a sick and awesome day. Just Saying!
Here’s an up and coming favorite in use by many of our nine to eleven year olds":
CHILLAXIN
You heard it here first.
Well it’s election day, aren’t you excited? I don’t think so because I don’t know anybody that is. I’ve listened to talk radio today, local news on both radio and TV, and everybody’s “shoveling it” hard and fast. The liberal stations are telling me that Obama is the man and he’s going to kick Romney’s ass. The conservative stations are saying that Romney is the man and he’s going to kick Obama’s ass. If I had my druthers I’d like to take them both out behind the woodshed and kick both their asses.
The last two years has been been unbearable with the constant stream of biased propaganda from everyone under the sun. First off, both candidates should all be arrested for felony Criminal Annoyance and sentenced to 20 years locked in a cell with each other. That just might be what “cruel and unusual” is all about.
I’m not getting too excited until later this evening when the only thing that really matters takes place. The vote count. Everyone’s reciting poll results which are just so much hogwash. The polls always seem to reflect the opinion of the pollster whether liberal or conservative. If as many people in this country are as tired of the constant polling as I am, they’ll lie to any pollster just to be ornery. I’ve been polled a number of times by telephone over the last few years and I absolutely lied through my teeth every damn time. The vote is a secret in this country and I’d like to keep the tradition alive. I’m not telling a soul who or what I’m voting for or against, it’s none of their damn business. It’s a freaking secret ballot.
If I have one more person talk to me like I’m a some idiot wrapped in a moron and try to explain to me why the way I want to vote is incorrect, I could be persuaded to violence. So if there’s anyone out there who’s reading this who enjoys making phone calls for candidates and visiting homes to irritate the residents, here’s a little bit of advice. Stay the hell away from my home and don’t think about calling me again. You’ve spent two years preaching to me and I’m “burned out”.
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