I feel the need to distribute a little more useless information today. There seems to a never-ending supply which I will happily make available to as many people as possible. Some of this information was also supplied by my all-time favorite writer, Isaac Azimov.
The foundations of the great European cathedrals go down as far as 40 or 50 feet. In some instances, they form a mass of stone as great as that of the visible building above the ground.
While Columbus was seeking new worlds to the West, Italian engineers were rebuilding the Kremlin in Moscow.
The number of possible ways of playing just the first four movies on each side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
There were more than 100 distinct ethnic groups in the old Soviet Union.
The Pacific Ocean fills nearly a complete hemisphere of the Earth’s surface.
Because of the story in Genesis that Eve had been created out of Adam’s rib, it was widely believed during the Middle Ages that men had one fewer rib than women.
Immediately after the end of the American Revolution, Congress abolished the United States Army, the Navy, and the Marine Corps, leaving the Congress itself as the only national government organization. They feared a standing army.
When Thomas Jefferson became president, in 1801, 20% of the people in the United States were slaves. There were 5 million people in all.
It was only in 1968 – 43 years after the Scopes “monkey trial” – that the state of Tennessee abolished its anti-evolution law and accepted the doctrine of evolution.
“Red Tape” the rigid application of regulations and routine, resulting in the delay in getting business done, got its name from the color of the tape that was commonly used to tie official papers. The term was in use as early as 1658.
Well, for all of you trivia lovers out there you’ve just received your daily fix of totally useless information. My supply never seems to run low and more will definitely follow.
I decided that it was time to post a few limericks collected from a small and damaged book I discovered some months ago. It was published in 1980 and contains over 150 of the lewdest limericks I’ve ever seen. The great majority are so nasty I wouldn’t dare post them here, but I’ve found four of the more acceptable ones to give you an idea what I’m dealing with. Tell the kids to leave the room. Rated at least an “R”.
My favorite word today is “Raunchy”. It’s not a word that’s heard too often these days, but I’ll do my best to do it justice. Another of my favorite things are riddles. As a kid we enjoyed them, and they were always fun. I’ll merge them together and give you ten “Raunchy Riddles” from the 1980’s. Here we go.
What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porche? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
How fast can a girl go when she’s having sex? 68 . . . If she went 69, she’d blow a rod.
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.
Why did the girl take a bath in peroxide? Because she heard that on the whole gentlemen prefer blonds
What can a girl put behind her ears to make her look sexy? Her knees.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a hooker with diarrhea? An epileptic corn husker shucks between fits.
Why don’t men mind women claiming to be the foundation of our country? Because they know who laid the foundation.
What’s worse than a centipede with athletes’ foot? Captain Hook with jock itch.
What’s the French method of self-defense? Tung Fu
Why was the Duchess on her knees? She was down for the Count.
Once again here is a collection of what the hell ever”. A mixture of stupid advertisements, bumper stickers, and whatever else I happen to find on my desk. TGIAF (Thank God It’s Almost Friday)
Newspaper Headlines
Statistics Show that Mortality Increases Perceptively in the Military During Wartime
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Never Withhold Herpes from Loved One
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
😗😗😗
Newspaper Classified Ads
Two wire-mesh butchering gloves, one 5-finger, oine 3-finger, pair: $15.00
I love reading about the history of this country. Not the big splashy headline making history but the odd or lesser-known history. Here are a few factoids you’ve probably never heard of . . .
The “American” log cabin got its start in Sweden, where such a building had been popularly used for centuries and was taken to America by the Swedish colonizers of new Sweden, which is now Delaware.
The name “United States of America” was coined by a man who lived the last years of his life in disrepute and his bodily remains eventually were lost – Thomas Payne. A chance meeting in London with Benjamin Franklin encouraged his move to America. Later, in 1776 he wrote his popular revolutionary tract Common Sense.
In the United States, about 48 billion metal cans, 26 billion bottles, 65 billion metal bottle caps, and 7 million automobiles are junked each year.
The United States has about 3,600,000 square miles of land, and on it more than 3,600,000 miles of highways of been constructed. That’s a mile of road to each square mile of land which if combined would pave an area as large as the state of West Virginia.
A replica of the head and the torch of the Statue of Liberty sat on the grounds of the Philadelphia Exposition celebrating the US Centennial in 1876, and later in Madison Square on lower Fifth Avenue in New York. A decade passed before enough funds were raised for the erection of the completed statue on Bedloe’s Island in New York Harbor.
The Pony Express, which has lived in American legend for more than a century, lived in fact for less than two years. Indian raids curtailed service on the 1,966-mile route between St. Joseph, Missouri, and Sacramento, California, And the transcontinental telegraph finally eliminated it in late 1861.
I’ve posted previously about what Number Freaking is all about. If you’re really interested just do a search to read those posts. Today’s number freaking facts and stats concern sex. I knew that would get your attention very quickly. Read on and be educated . . .
The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior claims sexual intercourse takes place, worldwide, 120 million times every day. Assuming an average of one male per coupling and one orgasm per male It is estimated that 30 million billion (30 quadrillion) sperms are in the hunt every day.
Assuming a healthy male can make as many as 1500 sperm a second, in 1 min. he can produce 90,000 sperm.
There are 2.2 billion adult women on earth. It would take one man 17 days to make one’s sperm per woman.
The average number of kids born per women worldwide is 2.8. So, assume an average woman will lose 28 menstruating months to pregnancy during her lifetime.
The average woman will menstruate 19.66 quarts of blood in her lifetime. That’s about the same amount as two cases of wine.
The average American man first gets married at the age of 28.7 years and dies at the age of 76. A duration of 47.8 years. If he could manage having sex three times a day every day until he dies, he would’ve had intercourse 52,376 times.
According to the Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior the country boasting the longest lasting sexual intercourse is Brazil at 30 min. The USA, Canada, and Brits follow with 28, 23, and 21 min. respectively. The quickest sex in the world takes place in Thailand in 10 min. and Russia in 12 min.
The data shows that almost 88% of men’s penises measure between 5 and 7 inches when erect. When relaxed 90% of men are 3 to 5 inches.
Kinsey also reports that the average vagina is 3 inches long with a diameter of .8 inches when aroused, and 3.75 to 4.1 inches long with a diameter of 2.3 to 2.5 inches when stimulated (so it’s wide enough for birth).
Women in Kinsey studies said that on average they took just under 4 min. to achieve orgasm, flying solo. Practicing with a partner, however, it took between 10 and 20 min.
And here is one of my favorite factoids concerning men. There is a popular assumption that man think constantly about sex. Globally, life expectancy at birth, for a man, is 65 years. If we assume men start thinking about sex with the advent of puberty, which we’ll assume to be at age 13, that means men will think about sex every 6 seconds for 52 years or 273.5 million times.
It’s not often I get surprised especially by anonymous gifts from readers. My surprise occurred a few days ago when I received a fifty-page paperback booklet printed in 1999. It contains a collection of what are titled “Looney Limericks”. I haven’t the faintest idea who sent it but please consider this a big thank you, whoever you are. Here are a few samples of some clean and funny limericks apparently written for children.
Here are the final limericks in Mr. McCord’s limerick construction primer. I thoroughly enjoy reading the work created by such an intelligent man who enjoys his love of poems and limericks as I do. His non-limerick poetry is also outstanding as you will see.
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It’s been a bad year for the moles
Who live just in stockings with holes;
And bad for the mice
Who prefer their boiled rice
Seved in shoes that don’t have any soles.
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There once was a man in the Moon,
But he got there a little too soon.
Some others came later
And fell down a crater,
When was it? Next August? Last June?
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I don’t much exactly quite care
For those cats with short ears and long hair.
But if anything’s worse
It’s the very reverse:
Just you ask any mouse anywhere.
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So, by chance it may be you’ve not heard
Of a small sort of queer silent bird.
Not a song, trill, or note
Ever comes from his throat.
If it does, I take back every word.
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And last but not least.
Write a limerick now. Say there was
An old man of some place, what he does,
Or perhaps what he doesn’t,
Or isn’t or wasn’t.
Want help with it? Give me a buzz.
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I heard my first limerick when I was about 7 years old when I was eavesdropping on my father and one of his friends. I heard my dad recite this little gem. My love of limericks was born!
As promised, here is the second installment of David McCord’s limerick writing primer. He not only shows how to write a limerick but gives excellent examples of the various types you can create.
I’m going to introduce you today to a man who was famous for writing limericks, Mr. David McCord. He was also a philanthropist, writer, and poet who held honorary degrees from 22 universities. He was famous for his work in teaching children to write poetry. This first limerick is a short instruction on who to structure a limerick.
David McCord
The limerick’s lively to write:
Five lines to it – all nice and tight.
Two long ones, two trick
Little short ones, then quick
As a flash here’s the last one in sight.
There are 13 limericks published over fifty years ago and were Mr. McCord’s attempt to explain and teach how to write a limerick. Here are the first four. I’ll post a few each day until the entire collection is in your hands. Maybe they will encourage you to write a few of your own.
There once was a scarecrow named Joel
Who couldn’t scare crows, save his soul.
But the crows put the scare
Into Joel. He’s not there
Anymore. That’s his hat on the pole.
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“There was an old man” of wherever
You like, thus the limerick never
Accounts for the young:
You will find him unsung
Whether stupid, wise, foolish, or clever.
A Rare Non-Dirty Nantucket Limerick
There was a young man let me say,
Of West Pumpkinville, Maine, USA.
You tell me there’s not
Such a place? Thanks a lot.
I forget what he did anyway.
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Take the curious case of Tom Pettigrew
And Hetty, his sister. When Hettigrew
As tall as a tree
She came just to Tom’s knee.
And did Tom keep on growing? You bettigrew.
That’s lesson number one for today. If you read them carefully, he gives excellent rhyming tips and how exactly to structure the limerick. More to follow tomorrow.
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