Archive for the ‘fun’ Tag
In my last post I took you on a tour of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. You got to see the beaches full of people, a friendly bar to hangout in, and a cute bikini clad girl buried in sand. I hope you didn’t think that covered our entire visit because there was much more to it. Today I’ll take you along on our continuing tour that includes my better-half’s favorite spot. Welcome to the Amusement Park.
Doesn’t look like much from the outside but . . .
The Arcade while not my favorite place is always interesting. Tourists from just about anywhere flock to this place to throw their money away or to just drop off their kids for a few hours. Where else can you win tickets for doing just about anything and at the end of your day you’d have spent forty bucks to win enough tickets to buy a pack of gum. My better-half is for some reason a Skee Ball addict. She insists on throwing her money away, winning a fistful of tickets, that she ends up giving to some kid who happens to be standing around picking his nose. It’s always puzzled me and I fear it will continue to do so.
Who can resist all of this fine looking merchandise?
Never let it be said that I’m immune to the attractions of this park. I was once again drawn to a booth where I was permitted to spend five bucks to throw two tiny bean bags at some under inflated balloons. Being a former Little League baseball player I was stunned when I actually broke two of those stupid balloons and won my honey this glorious and somewhat ridiculous prize.
Who doesn’t love a cuddly little frog?
Once again I became a willing victim of all the hype that’s constantly spewed by this park. It seems to happen every time I visit here and stranger still, I don’t mind at all.
I’m so excited by all the hubbub in an amusement park I actually feel kind of bad that I’m not permitted to ride these stupid rides. As a young kid I was too short to ride them and now all these years later I’m too tall and plump to fit in them. There’s just no justice in this world.
FORTUNATELY . . . IT’S ALL GOOD FUN!
OUR SUMMER CONTINUES!
My better-half was able to sneak away from work a little early yesterday making it possible for us to make our first visit this summer to Old Orchard Beach, Maine, the ultimate tourist trap. The weather was sweltering at our house but when we arrived at OOB there was a beautiful ocean breeze that was grand. The beach looked beautiful and it was loaded with visiting tourists.
The only place to stay cool for a few hours.
I love just walking around and people watching when I stumbled on this young lady wearing the required bikini I always look for. It was too bad she decided to stay buried in the sand.
What’s a trip to the beach without our mandatory visit to the Surf 6 bar. It’s located directly adjacent to the beach just a hop, skip, and jump from the water. I should also mention the excellent mojitos and margaritas that are available. As always laced with some excellent Patron tequila. OLE!
We took a nice walk along the beach just as the sun was setting. The cool water felt damn good our poor overheated and sweaty feet. It was heaven.
All in all it was a lot of fun and we are planning more of these outings over the next month. The food was delicious, the water was cool, the drinks were icy cold, and the people watching was the best.
SUMMER WILL CONTINUE
Is it just me or has June zoomed by in a flash. I’ve always considered the Fourth of July as the summer’s half-way point but I can’t believe that half of the summer is already gone. That is supremely depressing. A few days ago I mentioned in a post that my better-half and I had visited the Brunswick, Maine Strawberry Festival. I sort of glossed over that visit for some reason but after rethinking things I decided to throw a few pictures your way. Check these out.
The town of Brunswick is rather quaint and the park located in the downtown area is just beautiful. The perfect place to take your kids on a sunny day, to quietly read a book or to walk your dog.
It’s called the Strawberry Festival but it’s much more than that as you can see. Farmers from all over the area come to town loaded with fresh vegetables of all types. It’s a giant farmers market and they offer some really delicious foods as well.
I’m a former cheese addict who has been forced over the years to reduce the amount of dairy I eat. It still won’t stop me from sampling a few tidbits of excellent goat cheese when I happen upon it.
Many of the farms also sell canned pickles, jams, and jellies. They are a bit pricy but you’ll never find any fresher or as flavorful in a supermarket.
I was more than a little surprised at all of the available vegetables this early in the summer. We look forward to visiting many more of these festivals in the coming months. There seems to be one scheduled every weekend somewhere in Maine until Labor Day.
A GREAT START TO OUR SUMMER
In the past I’ve posted lists of things I love and hate. Most of them were done to be humorous or at least tongue-in-cheek. Today I thought it might be nice to list just ten things I really love. I tried to do it seriously without attempts at humor but it’s difficult. These are in no particular order except for the first item which if it showed up lower on the list I’d be a dead man.
- My Better-half (Always first or else.)
- My Stupid Cat (He wanted to be #1 . . . Sorry!)
- Peace & Quiet
- My Mental Strength
- Losing myself for hours while creating anything. (Quality Time)
- Sleeping Naked (Best thing since potato chips were invented.)
- A Really Good Margarita (Or a Mojito)
- Growing Anything
- Eating soup
- A really dirty joke or limerick.**
** I need to offer up some samples of this item or I just wouldn’t feel right about things. These limericks and jokes are “R” rated so if you’re offended by that kind of humor stop reading now.
Limerick #1
There was a woman named Lucille
who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
they found her vagina in North Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil.
Limerick #2
There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un.
He said, "Oh my love,
It fits like a glove."
Said she, "But you’re not in the right ‘un."
Limerick #3
A gay young man from Khartoum,
took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night,
as to who had the right
to do what, with which and to whom.
Joke #1
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Joke #2
The scene, a newly wed couple on the first night of their honeymoon just before the passionate lovemaking was to begin. The wife tells her husband, "Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How’s that even possible? You’ve been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was…oh, do I ever miss him!"
So much for my lame attempt at a little dirty humor. I just felt the need to be off-color this morning. I wonder why?
ENJOY YOUR DAY
‘Gaius Julius Caesar’
Today is the day every year that I remember good old Julius Caesar. The Ides of March will forever be known as an evil day thanks to him and all of his so-called friends. Stabbed twenty-three times upon arriving at his work place at the Curia he was left to die alone on the sidewalk. It just goes to show how far we’ve come as a society because these days we’ve made some major improvements on how to murder someone. If Caesar was to be murdered today it would be by two hooded gentlemen driving by in a mini-Fiat firing a couple of Tech-9’s at him. He’d still be just as dead but it would have been done so much quicker and efficiently. So for today “All Hail Caesar”.
Now let’s move onto something almost as interesting as a dead guy. SEX! I’ve been on a roll in recent weeks with trivia postings because I love trivial facts. I also love sex so it only seems right that I offer up some sex related information. Here goes nothing.
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The average size of an erect penis measures between 5 and 6 inches, while the average size of a flaccid penis is about 3.5 inches.
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Many of the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal.
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Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.
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Although nearly any body part or item of clothing may be an object of sexual fetishism, the shoe and the foot are the two most common fetishes in Western society.
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Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm though oral sex.
It’s no wonder I’ve been addicted to chocolate my entire life. Instead of foreplay just gobble down a handful of M&M’s and get busy. Also I will verify that feet can be sexually arousing. I’ve been a foot lover since day one and damn proud of it. And last but not least to both men and women I say “Hooray for Oral Sex” and “Boo!” to crocodile dung and honey. Yuck!
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The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).
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Throughout the United States, approximately 4% of the population self-identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
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During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns approximately 200 calories.
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On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.
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Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).
I think about sex every seven seconds? I might have to disagree with that fact. I think it’s way more often that that. Ask any guy! If I recall my basic facts on weight loss it takes a reduction of approximately 2000 calories to lose a pound of weight. If that’s true then having intercourse ten times would also work. I’m sure you could lose a lot of weight doing it that way but you might miss a few days of work here and there.
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Statistics suggest that approximately one in every five Americans has indulged in sex with a colleague at work.
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Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.
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One report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Interestingly, an identical 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once.
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Since AIDS was first diagnosed in 1981, more than 25 million people have died as a result of the virus. Two million people died from AIDS in the year 2007 alone.
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Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.
Group sex appears more popular than I thought. The masturbation numbers were surprising. I thought you women out there were keeping up but I guess I was mistaken. Shame on all of you, so get to work ladies.
This is my favorite tidbit and could possibly explain my obsession with wine. After I drink enough of a favorite Chardonnay my behavioral responses can get pretty interesting. Especially if I eat a huge chunk of chocolate along with it. LOOK OUT!
HAVE A HAPPY IDES OF MARCH
‘Before’
‘After’
I’m exhausted. This morning I’m feeling exceptionally lazy and with little or no effort I could stay in bed all day. This is truly the downside to Christmas if there is one.
Yesterday’s celebration took a lot of thought and planning from both my better-half and me. It was worth every minute we spent preparing. Everyone had a great time, received an abundance of gifts, and ate until they couldn’t eat on more thing.
It all began with what I’m sure will become an ongoing Christmas tradition. Everyone received a goody bag and in the top of each bag was a can of Silly String. It took just a few seconds for the adults to open the cans and let the strings fly. The grandkids weren’t familiar with Silly String and were pretty much covered with it before they could get their cans opened. It was the perfect way to set the tone for the day even though the cleanup took a little longer than we thought.
Two hours later the room was filled with torn tissue papers, ribbons, empty boxes, and a lot of laughter. As you can see Christmas is a messy proposition if done properly.
‘I think there’s a kid under there somewhere.’
Then it was into the kitchen to complete the food preparations and to get that big fat bird ready to eat. The meal went without a hitch and we all left the table fat, dumb, and extremely happy. As we vegged out in the living room it was time for viewing everyone’s favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Vacation. Since almost everyone in the family has the best lines memorized we could have turned off the sound . . . but we didn’t. Then began the continuous stream of funny and sarcastic comments about the movie which were endless.
I was one of the first to call it a day but my better-half wasn’t far behind. It was a great day for everyone concerned and I’m sure they all slept as soundly as we did.
I hope your holiday was as enjoyable as ours. Now it’s on to New Years with all of it’s silliness.
Hey! . . . someone! . . . where’s my coffee?
Well for the first time in over a year I missed a day I had scheduled for blogging. I’m as surprised as you are but that old adage of “sh*t happens” happened. I normally post on one day then workout the next and so on and so forth. I became a bit confused and distracted and lost track of the days when our out-of-town visitors were here. It wasn’t until after they left that I realized my error. So enough of that, let me get on with things.
We had such a good time with our visitor’s I’m not sure where to begin. We spent one afternoon in Kennebunkport doing some shopping and having dinner at Federal Jack’s restaurant. A couple bowls of clam chowder and a plate of fried clams were followed by massive platters of fish and chips. Wash that all down with a couple of incredibly excellent Goat Island Light beers and your good to go. So we went.
‘The best fried clams ever.’
The tourists have all fled southern Maine leaving the towns somewhat deserted as reflected by these photo’s:
‘In season.’
‘Off season.’
Federal Jacks just happens to be located directly above the original Shipyard brewery. Of course it’s mandatory with my better-half to complete any trip to Kennebunkport with a stop there too. It’s her own private Hajj.
A fun time was had by all. The food was delicious and the beer cold and refreshing. We took a slow leisurely ride home through Kennebunk where the streets were clogged with parents and costumed children enjoying their Halloween night festivities. We arrived home safely and enjoyed a good night’s sleep.
My next post will be day #2 of their visit where we spent a good part of that day playing tourist in the city of Portland.
We’re in the midst of one beautiful Indian Summer and we all hope it lasts all the way to Thanksgiving.
A lot of people that know me really don’t know me as well as they think. I’ve been described by many over the last few years as nothing more than an old fart. While some of them do it jokingly other really seem to mean it. They don’t understand that underneath all of this sarcasm and rapier wit resides a very sensitive person who’s feelings can be easily hurt just like everyone else.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not whining only stating the facts. As of this late date I feel the only people close to me that really “get me” are my two grandsons aged three and six months. They came to visit last night for a few hours while their parents enjoyed a night by themselves away from the madness of child rearing.
‘The house looked like a Toys-R-Us exploded.’
My first job was to spend a half hour with grandson #1 chasing him around the house and generally irritating the hell out of my better-half. For a change I had a partner in crime which allowed me to misbehave a great deal more than usual and to blame it on him. We ran around the house throwing and bouncing balls in every room until he got bored, I got tired, and she got angry. Our fun night was just beginning.
I spent the next hour helping him empty out the toy box which left toys and trucks everywhere. I sat and mindlessly helped him build things and destroy other things. He made me his official play-pal when he gifted me with an honorary plastic dinosaur. The way he presented it to me made me feel like I’d just won an Oscar. He was very serious about it and it apparently held a great deal of meaning for him. I was really honored.
‘And the winner of this prestigious award is . . . . ?’
We then took a break from the action by sitting on the couch with his little brother. That little guy just makes me feel good all over because all he does is smile and giggle. I played a little paddy cake with him which I hadn’t done for more years than I care to remember. I have to admit it felt pretty good.
I’m a person who loves to eat, a true foodie, and when dinner came around I found out we’d all be eating from the three year olds menu. Since he’s partial to fish sticks, guess what, we had fish sticks. The last time I had a plate of fish sticks was more than four decades ago. That first bite took me back to age ten in one giant mouthful. It tasted exactly as I remembered and that was pretty cool.
The six month old downed a mug of thawed out mothers milk and crashed on the sofa next to me. The three year old finally ran out of his endless supply of adrenaline and fell asleep rather quickly on my chair. Even an exciting Mickey Mouse movie on Netflix couldn’t keep him awake. Unfortunately for me I’ll be singing and humming all of those catchy little tunes for the next week. The curse of Walt Disney.
‘An full hour of this is almost unbearable.’
Once they were all asleep my better-half and I returned to our reality, a cold drink and a little peace and quiet. These babysitting nights are always a lot of fun but also a little strange at times. If my mind wanders for just a moment all of a sudden I’m six years old again and playing with my childhood friends. It must be true what they say, everything we experience in our lives is stored somewhere in the brain and comes out when we least expect it.
I look forward to their next visit and the little bit of time travel that it offers.
How many of you live in the northeastern United States and have never gotten up close and personal with a desert. I assume most people only have that opportunity if they live or visit the southwest. I found out his week that my assumption was wrong. Who knew I’d find a desert right here in Maine.
Yesterday my better-half and I were as usual out roaming around the state taking photographs. As we were cruising south on the interstate we saw a sign that said Desert Road. Never hesitating to explore we exited the expressway and drove a few miles west into the woods. What do we find? This!
Right smack dab in the middle of a huge pine forest is a fifty acre desert with sand dunes and everything. We couldn’t resist checking it out and immediately coughed up $20.00 for the grand tour. Of course the better-half was off to the gift shop to buy postcards and other weird items for her family members. I was finally able to drag out of there, through the building, and out the backdoor to the tram.
‘This is a tram.’
It’s amazing to me how this desert was initially formed and the sand is still forty feet deep in spots with dunes as high as ninety feet. There’s even a sign along the tour route where an old Spring House once stood before being buried by the shifting sands. Here’s an old photo showing the final days of that building.
‘Then’
‘Now’
The visit to the desert was fun and informative but as always the better-half was irritated that there were no live camels to ride. She’s never happy! I found this one but we couldn’t come up with a workable solution to get her in the saddle.
Then it was back on the road, stopping for a decent lunch, and then home. I’ve finally made my first and hopefully last visit to a desert. I really do hate the heat but fortunately this desert was a moderate 85 degrees and even I could handle that.
I also have to tell you that sitting on the tram can be treacherous. Some little darling left a gob of gum on the seat that stuck to my ass like glue all day. Just “be careful out there . . .”
As I began thinking about posting this blog as I awakened this morning it was 4:10 am and I was barely human. You need to understand something, I am not a fisherman. Nonetheless I was up and on my way for a day of deep sea fishing and thank God for Dunkin Donut’s Coffee.
We arrived at Camp Ellis, Maine, stowed our cooler on the boat and were off to begin the day at 6:00 am. Even though I’m not a fisherman I really love being on the water regardless of the reason. Weather-wise it was the perfect morning. It was nice and cool with a light breeze and forecasters were calling for a bright and sunny day. For once they were right on target.
My nephew and better-half were all fired up and ready to go and it didn’t take long for their fishing lines to get into the water. We made a quick stop over a large school of mackerel to fill the live bait tank and then proceeded to our first fishing spot. The two of them caught almost forty mackerel in fifteen minutes.
Our guide brought us to one of his favorite fishing holes and within the first hour my better-half snagged four good sized stripped bass and one dumb ass seagull. The stupid bird insisted on diving into the water and was hooked trying to steal her bait. Fortunately he was captured, manhandled, and immediately released. He should have stayed ashore at the nearby McDonalds and had a breakfast of french fries like all of his buddies. Birds can be so stupid.
I normally don’t post photos of friends and family on the blog but in this case they are demanding it. Here they are with their prizes.
A fun day was had by all but we still were happy to return home for a quick shower, a short nap, and to relax until those big fat steaks that I’ll be cooking later were ready to eat. I think we all need many more days like this one. This day was the perfect example of the proverbial “mental health day”. It was fantastic.
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