A few months ago I came upon a small innocent looking book titled 365 Women’s Reflections on Men. I’d made a few purchases of books that day and the owner of the store threw that little book into my bag as a freebie. Since I never refuse a book from anyone, I took it home and it’s been on the shelf for months. While I’m not partial to the negativity brush that feminism paints most of us men with, I think it’s only right if I pass a few tidbits your way and give some of these overt feminists the credit they rightfully deserve.
“No man can call himself liberal, or radical, or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if his work depends in any way on the unpaid or underpaid labor of women at home, or in the office.” Gloria Steinem
“Protectiveness has often muffled the sounds of doors closing against women.” Betty Friedan
“Dear, never forget one little point: It’s my business. You just work here.” Elizabeth Arden (to her husband)
“The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurses. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor.” Wilma Scott Heide
“Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.” Queen Elizabeth I
“I think women are just as moved by appearance [as men are], but they are willing to accept a situation where the man is less attractive because of the “who earns the bread” situation. Madonna
“American men say “I love you” as part of the conversation.” Liv Ullman
“If you never want to see a man again, say, “I love you, I want to marry you, and I want to have children . . . they will leave skid marks” Rita Rudner
“I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.” Marie Corelli
“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.” Zsa Zsa Gabor
Limericks are the best. I’ve been reading them for years and writing a great many of my own. My limerick archives go all the way back to 1879. I did discover that posting some of those really old ones requires a bit of a rewrite. Some of the profanities back then were just gratuitous and actually detracted from the overall entertainment value. I may have softened the language a little but they’re still a fun read. Todays selections are related specifically to younger women. Don’t complain to me about the content, the people who wrote these have been dead a very long time.
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A bather whose clothing was strewed
By winds that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
And unless we are wrong
You expected this line to be lewd. (1944)
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A lady athletic and handsome
Got wedged in her sleeping room transom.
When she offered much gold
For release, she was told
That the view was worth more than the ransom. (1944)
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There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you’d probably think,
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass. (1940)
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I’m tempted to post a few of my own limericks but unfortunately they’re very rude and sexual explicit. I may rewrite them someday but not today. Instead I offer up a rather lame poem of mine written about my first sexual experience, to show all of you what a freaking romantic I’m not. LOL
I’ve had the fortune or misfortune to live for almost 8 decades. Each decade had interesting points and just as many that were anything but. The 1950’s and early 1960’s meant very little to me because I was just a kid. Things got much more interesting in the late 1960’s where my real life education began. Free love and marijuana introduced me to a number of interesting things which made my life much more pleasant. The 1970’s introduced me to the work force and a lot of fun disappeared overnight. When the 1980’s arrived things once again became interesting. Todays post is a short quiz concerning the Pop Culture of the 1980’s. Ten questions that should be easy to answer for those of us who survived the decade. Let’s see how you do. As always the answers are below.
1. __________ was one of the musical styles influenced by the 1980’s fashions?
2. The hit show Miami Vice was on what TV network?
3. What year did MTV first go on the air?
4. Other than Levi, what were the cool name-brand jeans in the 80’s?
5. The Afterschool Special appeared on what TV network?
6. __________ was Johnny Carson’s trusty sidekick for entirety of his show?
7. What year did the home video game industry crash?
8. Young people often called their portable cassette players __________ in the 1980’s?
9. __________ and __________ were the star actors on Miami Vice?
10. The Intellivision video game console was made by what company?
Loving the phone!
ANSWERS
Punk; New Wave; Heavy Metal; Rap/Hip Hop; Country, NBC, 1981, Guess, ABC, Ed McMahon, 1983, Boom Box; Ghetto Blaster, Don Johnson & Philip Michael Thomas, Mattel.
(Just for the official record I scored 7 out of 10.)
While I’m not a complete sports fanatic, I remain an ardent NFL Fan. I was born and raised in the Pittsburgh area and my father created a rabid Steeler fan (me) at a very young age. I’ve celebrated in the 70″s when the Steeler’s won four Super bowls and then I moved to Boston. How could I possibly deny the Patriots with Tom Brady at the helm? It’s been a real pleasure to live through the rise and fall of those dynasties. Todays post will test your memory when you attempt to identify these players by their nicknames. As always the answers will be listed below.
Who was known as TheAssassin?
Who was nicknamed Bronco?
Who was known as Crazy Legs?
Who was The Galloping Ghost?
Who besides Deion Sanders was once called Hollywood?
Who was The Toe?
Tom Brady #2 Fav
Who was Broadway Joe?
Who was nicknamed Night Train?
Who was Tombstone?
Who was called White Shoes?
Who was known as The Alabama Antelope?
Who was The Flying Dutchman?
Baker Mayfield #3 Fav
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GO STEELERS
GO PATRIOTS
GO BUCS
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ANSWERS
Jack Tatum, Bronislau Nagurski, Elroy Hirsch, Harold “Red” Grange, Tom Henderson, Joe Namath, Dick Lane, Rich Jackson, Billy Johnson, Don Huston, Steve Van Buren, Lou Groza.
Here is a list of trivial items you’ve always wished you knew.
You could swim through the veins of a blue whale.
The white-throated snapping turtle of Australia breathes through it butt.
In order for Earth to become a black hole, its entire mass would have to be compressed into a space less than 1 inch in diameter.
In 1929, the famous television dog Rin-Tin-Tin received the most votes for the Academy Award for best actor but didn’t win.
The leading role in the movie Forest Gump, was originally offered to John Travolta.
Deviant Artistry
John Wayne was offered the lead role in Blazing Saddles by Mel Brooks but turned it down.
The famous Dr. children’s book Green Eggs and Ham contained just 50 different words.
At various points in history the Olympics included competitions in categories such as painting, engraving, architecture, literature, and town planning.
During World War II, so many NFL players were fighting in the war that the rival Philadelphia Eagles and Pittsburgh Steelers temporarily teamed up to form a team called the “Steagles“.
Until recently, Russia did not consider beer an alcoholic drink. Anything containing less than 10% alcohol is considered a soft drink in Russia until 2011.
ONE OF MY FAVS
More people are killed by vending machines each year than sharks.
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local bars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by a woman. Many females are using a date rape drug on the market called “Beer.” The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply asks him to come home with her for some no-strings attached sex.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this Beer scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you just look up “Golf Courses” in the phone book
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A man walks into a bar and says “G-g-gimme a b-b-beer. The bartender says, “Seems as though you’ve got a major stuttering problem.” The man replies, N-n-no k-k-kidding!” The bartender says, “I used to stutter, but my wife cured me. One afternoon she gave me oral sex three times in a row, and I haven’t stuttered since!” The man says, “W-w-wow, th-th-that’s great to kn-kn-know” A week later, the same man returns to the bar, and says, “G-g-gimme a b-b-beer.” The bartender says, “Why didn’t you do what I told you?” “I d-d-did try”, said the man. “It j-j-just d-d-didn’t w-w-work. But I m-m-must say, you have a r-r-really n-nice apartment.
AND TO MY BETTER-HALF AND ALL OF YOU OTHER BEER FANATICS
I feel like celebrating today due primarily to four consecutive days with no rain and being able to sleep at night without an electric blanket. It’s mid-June and winter keeps trying to hang on and I’m sick of it. Here are four moderately suggestive limericks I would rate at PG-13. Keep the kids away while you read them. Let’s get started.
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There once was a horny old witch With a motorized dildo which She would use with delight All day and into the night Twenty bucks at Abercrombie and Fitch.
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Nymphomaniacal Alice Used a dynamite stick for a phallus. They found her vagina In North Carolina, And her ass-hole in Buckingham Palace
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There was a young woman of Croft Who played with herself in a loft, Having reasoned that candles Would never cause scandals, Besides which it never went soft.
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An agreeable young girl named Miss Doves Likes to masturbate the men that she loves. She’ll use her bare fist If the fellows insist But she really prefers to wear gloves.
It’s once again time for me to justify this blog’s name. Here are twelve items of Useless Information that aren’t commonly known.
Although the earth is 70% water, just 1% of it is considered drinkable.
The first people to measure Mount Everest lied about tall it was. Their measurement was exactly 29,000 feet but they thought no one would believe it came to that exact measurement so they added two more feet to the total.
The animal with the longest hibernation period is a frog.
Every planet in the solar system could fit in the space between Earth and the moon even if you include Pluto.
Neil Armstrong claims that he actually said, “That’s one small step for a man” when he landed on the moon.
Arnold Schwarzenegger almost missed out on the title role in Terminator to none other than O.J. Simpson.
The mask worn by Michael Myers in the Halloween series was actually a white plastic Captain Kirk mask.
Bill Buckner had more career hits than Ted Williams.
No one has ever recorded a perfect March Madness bracket.
Cleopatra’s reign was closer to the date of the moon landings than the building of the pyramids.
The United States government once poisoned beer during prohibition.
The first bomb dropped by the Allies on Germany during World War II killed an elephant. It fell on the Berlin zoo.
I’m feeling a bit rambunctious this morning which doesn’t happen as much as I’d like. There are lots of topics to discuss every day it seems but most aren’t worth my time. Since every person on the internet seems to be an effing expert on everything, I decided to step back and watch the fun as they continue to make fools of themselves. With that thought in mind I decided to share some rather borderline off-color humor today because I can. The online experts can kiss my ass and if what I post displeases them they can piss off and stop reading my blog. Enjoy . . .
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Two guys were getting drunk and horny at a bar. One said: “When I get home I want to give my woman a different kind of sex that’ll blow her mind”. The other suggested: “Why don’t you try rodeo sex?” “Rodeo sex, what’s that?” It’s when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair, pull her head back slightly and whisper quietly in her ear, “Your sister was better at this than you . . . and then try to hold on for the full 8 seconds!
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A guy had been dating a girl for over a year when he decided it was time to take their relationship to the next level. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked cautiously. “It’s fine,” she said, “as long as it’s infrequent.” He looked at her a bit puzzled.” Is that one word or two?”
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A girl picked up a guy at a nightclub and with her parents being out of town, seized the opportunity to invite him back to her home. When they got to her bedroom, he noticed that the room was filled with fluffy stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them: fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the window sill, fluffy toys on the floor, fluffy toys all over the bed, and fluffy toys on three rows of shelves. Later, after they had sex, he turned to her and asked: “So how was it for you?” She said: “You can take anything from the bottom shelf.”
It’s time for a short quiz to challenge all of you sports fanatics on sports other than the big three, NFL, NBA, and MLB. These questions are extremely random but I still found them interesting. Maybe you will as well. As always the answers will be listed below.
1. What card game gave us the term bilk?
2. What popular sport did Joe Sobek invent at the Greenwich, Connecticut, YMCA in 1950?
3. How many world records did swimmer Mark Spitz set when he won seven gold medals at the 1972 Olympics?
4. In cross-country bike racing, what the initials BMX represent?
5. Who was the first Olympic gold medalist to win a professional world boxing title?
SUPER POLO
6. In the very first Boston Marathon, 15 runners competed. How many finished?
7. What professional ice hockey star didn’t hang up his skates until he was 52?
8. What was a fitting name of the first miniature golf course in the United States?
9. What popular sport was known in ancient Germany as Heidenwerfen?
10. In what sport is a stimpmeter used, and what does it measure?
AUSSIE HORSE RACING
Answers
Cribbage, Racquetball, 7, Bicycle Moto X, Floyd Patterson, 10, Gordy Howe, The Tom Thumb Golf Course, Bowling, Green Speed in Golf.
everyuselessthing.com 