Archive for the ‘funny’ Tag
Since we’re celebrating yet another Valentine’s Day, I thought a small collection of romantic limericks would be in order. If you’re expecting the lovey, dovey, type of rhymes you are about to be disappointed.
🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
There was a young lady of Dover
Whose passion was such that it drove her
To cry, when you came,
” Oh dear! What a shame!
Well, now we shall have to start over.”
💚💚💚💚💚
There was a young lady named Flynn
Who thought fornication a sin,
But when she was tight
It seemed quite all right,
So, everyone filled her with gin.
❤❤❤❤❤
There was a young lady of Gloucester
Whose friends they thought they had lost her,
Till they found on the grass
The marks of her ass,
And the knees of the man who had crossed her.
💗💗💗💗💗
❤The day has come,❤
❤The night is gone. ❤
❤My underwear’s missing, ❤
❤I just sat on my schlong.❤
💟💟💟💟💟
💘HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY💘
I decided to do a little trivia today but in a different way. Normally my trivia lists pertain to the same subject such as the human body, accidental deaths, or just about anything you can think of. Today’s list is a scattering of trivia facts and information that are hard to categorize so I’ll just throw them out there and you can read and enjoy them. Here they are . . .
- The upside-down catsup bottle was invented by Paul Brown, who spent years developing a valve that would open when inverted and then close automatically without leaking. Now Brown’s patented valve is used by NASA (so that astronauts cups don’t spill) and by baby food and shampoo manufacturers.
- “Brain Freeze” happens when something cold, such as ice cream, touches the roof of your mouth and causes blood vessels in your head to dilate.
- Each year Americans spend $9 billion on candy and consume more than 25 pounds per person.
- Women have played basketball from the sport’s earliest days; the first intercollegiate women’s basketball game, between Stanford and UC Berkeley, was played in 1896. Stanford won.
- Beyond his weight, President Taft is remembered for being the first US president to throw out a pitch on the opening day of baseball season. Since then, every president except Jimmy Carter has followed suit.
- The word “dictionary” was coined by the English in 1220. John of Garland wrote a book called Dictionarius to help readers master Latin diction. The first dictionaries were English language glossaries of French or Latin words with their English equivalents.
- “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep is sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
- In 2012, a Florida man died after winning a cockroach eating contest at a reptile store. It wasn’t the cockroach that killed him; they are edible and frequently consumed in some cultures. Instead, the likely cause of his death was a rare allergic reaction to cockroach dandruff.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has sold more books then J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien combined.
- The Twinkie was invented in 1930 in Chicago. Its creator, James Dewar, noticed that the machines used to produce Strawberry Filled shortcakes were idle for half the year when strawberries were out of season. His original recipe included a banana cream filling. The name was inspired by “Twinkle Toe Shoes.
Well, there are your ten little tidbits of trivia for today. More are sure to follow.
I’m sitting here looking out the window and it’s hardly worth doing. It’s snowy, sleeting, cold, and in general a real shit show. It’s a great day to be inside and to stay inside. It’s also a slow news week due primarily to the Olympics of which I really don’t care much about. With that in mind I thought I’d take you back 30 years to revisit some vintage bumper stickers. These were collected between 1988 and 1990 and might prove interesting to some of you and others won’t give a damn anyway. I’m feeling lazy today so here they are . . .
Watch Out! I Drive Like You Do.
Go Ahead, Make My Day.
I Brake For Idiots Like You.
Instant Fool. Just Add Beer.
Live And Let Die.
If It’s Too Loud, You’re Too Old.
Clothes Required, Underwear Optional.
Left-Handers Are In Their Right Mind.
Good Girls Go to Heaven. Bad Girls Go Everywhere.
Still Crazy After All These Beers.
Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Naked.
Old Musicians Never Die, They Just Decompose.
I’m Not Playing Hard To Get. I Am Hard To Get.
We Came, We Saw, We Yawned.
Sure, I’ll Respect You In The Morning. What Was Your Name Again?
I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T CARE, AND IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYWAY.
A lesbian lady named Maud
Got into the WACS by a fraud.
With a tongue long and knobby
She seduced Colonel Hobby,
And now she’s a Major, by God!
There was a young girl who begat
Three brats, by name Nat, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding,
When she found there was no tit for Tat.
There was a young man, Mussolini,
Who found he had seven bambini.
He said, “If I thought
The griddle was still hot,
I’d never have put in the weenie!”
Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives a New Attorney
JB was a naive little shit
Because no-one would tickle her tit.
It would’ve made her so glad
To be had by a lad,
Her panties moistened at the mere thought of it.
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
“Between two evils, I always pick
the one I never tried before.”
Mae West (August 17, 1893 – November 22, 1980) was an American actress who worked in vaudeville and later in movies. She is best remembered for her dirty jokes and comedy movies. Her name when she was born was Mary Jane West. She was born in Brooklyn, New York City, and died in Hollywood, California.
Let’s have a little fun today. While I’m not the greatest sports fan who’s ever lived, I have a deep and abiding passion for baseball. Not listening to or watching games on television (other than the Little League World Series) but actual playing at it for many years. I find watching sports these days is as much fun as watching paint dry. They’re not the same games as they were when I was growing up. All that being said there are certain things about sports that are universal and forever and one of those is the words of wisdom spoken by Yogi Berra. He was a great ballplayer, but his little tidbits of wisdom made him more famous than baseball. I’ve picked up a few of them here and there over the years and then I discovered a gold mine of them in recent weeks. These are the ones I like the best and here they are for your enjoyment. Let’s go…
- “This is like déjà vu all over again.”
- “You got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
- In reference to movie star Steve Queen, “He must’ve made that movie before he died.”
- When asked what he would do if he found $1 million, he stated, “I’d find the fellow who lost it and if he was poor, I’d return it.”
- “Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.”
- “A nickel isn’t worth a dime today.”
- When asked for the time, he stated, “Do you mean now?”
- “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
- “I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it wasn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?”
- “It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.”
- When asked about his hat size he stated, ” I don’t know. I’m not in shape yet.”
- “You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”
- “I take a two-hour nap, from one o’clock to four.”
- “You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough, in the second half you give what’s left.”
- “I didn’t really say everything I said.”
Well, there you have it folks. The sport of baseball hasn’t been the same since Yogi retired and passed away. We need more like him in all of today’s sports to keep us aware that it’s just a game for kids. That’s how it was before it became nothing but agents, money, negotiations, social media, media interviews, and a few hundred talking heads who think they have all the answers. They’ve all done their best to ruin “Americas Pastime” and it’s a damn shame.
STRIKE 1, STRIKE 2, STRIKE 3
YOUR OUT!
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
