I’m a huge fan of using quotations in my posts from the rich, the famous, and the wannabe famous. I thought today would be a good day to give kudos to the one person who supplies us with endless quotations that are almost always funny, truthful, and many times sarcastic. That writer is Mr. Anonymous. I did a little research this morning and came up with 15 quotes from Mr. Anonymous that I really liked and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. Here they are.
“Criticism is the disapproval of people, not for having faults but for having faults different from ours.“
“The Eiffel Tower in Paris is the Empire State building after taxes.“
“One reassuring thing about modern art is that things can’t possibly be as bad as they are painted.“
“An average film is where the actor has more lines in his face than in his script.“
“Modern art is when you buy a picture to cover a hole in the wall and then decide the hole looks much better.“
“Dancing is the perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.“
“Hollywood is Malice in Wonderland.“
“If white bread could sing it would sound like Olivia Newton John.“
“Television is a box that has changed children from an irresistible force into an immovable object.“
“Parents never appreciate a teacher unless it rains all weekend.“
MR. ANONYMOUS
“You can tell a Harvard man, but you can’t tell him much.“
“Psychology is the science that tells you what you already know in words you don’t understand.“
“Eating food with a knife and fork is like making love through an interpreter.“
“If you speak three languages your trilingual. If you can speak two languages you are bilingual. If you can only speak one language you’re an American.“
“A Hollywood marriage is one in which the couple vow to be faithful until after the honeymoon.“
And now I’ll offer up one of my own quotes:
“OLD AGE AND RETIREMENT ARE JUST KARMIC RETRIBUTION”
Many years ago, I started this blog, and I chose its name very carefully. I fully intended then and still continue now to supply all of you with as much useless information as I can possibly find. Today I’d like to test the trivia knowledge of all of you fans of celebrities and Hollywood. This information was gleaned from a long-lost trivia book I stumbled upon in an old trunk I’ve had in storage for years. The first printing of this book was in February of 1975 at a total cost per copy of $1.25. I consider myself a trivia aficionado but the answers to these retro-Hollywood questions left me clueless. Maybe you’ll have more luck.
Name one of the two actresses who starred as the singing and dancing Dolly Sisters in the 1945 movie of that title? Betty Grabel was Jenny and June Haver was Rosie
What comedian appears in “Whistling in Brooklyn,” “The Fuller Brush Man,” and “Susan Slept Here”? Red Skelton
What does W. C. Fields give away in the comedy film “The Pharmacist”? Large vases.
What was cowboy sidekick George (Gabby) Hayes known as when he appeared with Bill Boyd in the Hopalong Cassidy movie series? “Windy”
What is Shirley Temple’s middle name? Jane
What is the title of the movie in which Charlie Chaplin falls in love with a blind flower girl? “City Lights”
Who portrays the “Invisible Man” in the 1933 movie of that title, and what is his occupation? Claude Rains played the role of a mad scientist named Griffin.
In the original MGM movie “The Champ” tells the story of an old prizefighter and his young son. Name the actors who played the two roles. Wallace Beery and Jackie Cooper, respectively.
During World War I, Humphrey Bogart served in the U.S. Navy. His ship was shelled, and this caused what to happen to him physically? It caused his upper lip to be partially paralyzed, resulting in a tightly set mouth and a lisp.
What longtime star, whose career began in 1925, was actually named Billie Cassin and was also known on the stage as Lucile LeSueur? Joan Crawford
An airplane flying from Houston to Chicago had a very close call. For a while it seemed they were doomed to crash to fiery destruction, but at the last minute the pilot got it under control and landed safely. Out of the plane came 200 midgets. An onlooker said, “I never saw so many midgets in my life.” Said another, “Those aren’t midgets. Those are Texans with the shit scared out of them.
In Hollywood, it is not enough for you to succeed; your friends must fail.
As per Yogi, “You can observe a great deal just by watching.”
Who doesn’t like stereotypes? A Texan had just had a baby son, and he was passing out enormous cigars. “Likeliest little varmint you ever saw,” he said proudly. “He weighs twenty-seven pounds.” Two weeks later, the friend met him and said, “How’s the kid?” “Fine,” said the Texan. “The little tyke weighs sixteen pounds.” The friend looked puzzled. “Why, when he was born you said he weighed twenty-seven pounds.” “I know.” said the Texan, “but we had him circumcised.”
There once was a young plumber from Leigh
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
Said the maid, “Cease your plumbing,
I think someone’s coming.”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me!”
At the zoo, a curious woman said to one of those who tended the animals, “How do you tell a male hippopotamus from a female hippopotamus?” The keeper said, “We don’t really have to, ma’am. The hippopotamuses figure it out for themselves.”
There is a story that Mussolini was once stranded in a small town in Italy when his car broke down, To pass the time, he visited a local movie house. Came the newsreel, and, of course, his own face flashed on the screen.
Everyone in the movie house stood up, but Mussolini, feeling tired and feeling no compulsion to stand up in his own honor, remained seated. Whereupon the man next to him whispered, “I feel exactly as you do, but take my advice and stand up. It’s safer.”
I’m fairly certain that most women in this county at one time or another have drooled over Brad Pitt. He’s been the epitome of male sexuality for many years and many women. I’ve even heard a large number of female celebrities gushing over him on the endless talk shows that fill the TV air. I’m also willing to bet he’s had his fill of the notoriety as reflected by some of his statements over the years. Thanks to Uncle John for supplying me with the following quotes of a few male celebrities who’ve stated, “I’m no Brad Pitt”.
“I’m certainly not Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.” Jason Stratham
“The real challenge is if you don’t look super sexy, like Brad Pitt, you’re going to have to try harder.” Jack Black
“If I could be anyone, it would be Brad Pitt.” David Fincher
“I’m clearly not Brad Pitt, and I’m never going to be Brad Pitt.” Paul Giamatti
“Unless you look like Brad Pitt, it’s really hard to have full control of your character.” Vincent Donofrio
“No matter what heights you achieve, even if you are Brad Pitt, the slide is coming, sure as death and taxes.” James Caan
“In this business, you’re either Brad Pitt right away, or you’re already going down the ladder.” Skeet Ulrich
“For me, personally, I’m a 5’5″ leading man. I’m no Brad Pitt or anything.” Jeremy Luke
And last but not least a quote from the famous and handsome Brad Pitt.
Since the weather for the last two weeks has been iffy, I’ve been forced to binge watch a boatload of movies. Some were good, some were bad, and some were just awful. As much as I enjoy the current crop of movies with all of their special effects, I still enjoy going back 40 or 50 years and watching some of the classics. I hope the weather changes soon because truthfully, I’m getting really tired of watching movies. With that thought in mind I decided to offer up some good old movie trivia facts. I hope you find a few things that surprise you.
We all loved that high squeaky voice that Mickey Mouse had in his early movies. The person responsible for that voice is none other than Walt Disney himself.
In a charity event in 1984, Elton John was featured as ‘Mother Goose’. Sir John Gielgud costarred as the Egg Yolk.
In the Muppet Movie, Miss Piggy’s singing voice was dubbed by Johnny Mathis.
In his early years, Dean Martin, boxed under the name Kid Crochet.
In the 1939 film, The Return of Dr. X, one of the zombies was played by Humphrey Bogart.
Jor-el
In the 1931 film Public Enemy starring Jimmy Cagney, the musical theme of the movie was “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles”.
The famous actor John Barrymore had a vulture for a pet that would sit on his knee and hiss.
The beautiful Belgian born Audrey Hepburn changed her name from Edda van Heemstra upon her arrival in Hollywood.
Temperamental star Marlon Brando’s was paid 3.7 million dollars for his brief appearance as Jor-el in the first Superman movie. He also sued the production company and received another 15 million for his share of the box-office receipts.
In the 1920’s film Every Sailor, one of the beautiful and talented chorus girls in the show was Jimmy Cagney.
If you could make any wish and know it would be granted, what would it be? Would you be like any number of Miss America or Miss Universe contestants and ask for world peace? Some people would ask for money and lots of it. There are a million things to think about before making such a tremendous decision. Would you wish to be king or queen of the world and rule your kingdom anyway you please and God help the disbelievers.
Most of our politicians would ask for a healthy and happy electorate with a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage. What they really want is continuous reelections without campaigning and the ability to act in any manner they please both sexually and otherwise without consequence. Again read between the lines. They really want total power over as many citizens and their tax dollars as they can get. They want to be able to give big money jobs to their friends and relatives without having some reporter in their face.
The Hollywood types would ask for a steady diet of big roles, big movies, and the undying gratitude of the masses. Of course, they would tell the world they really are asking for world peace, no poverty, and the rescue of the unfortunates in Africa. You must learn to read between the lines when dealing with actresses and actors too. Most of what you see and hear is smoke and mirrors but they think we’re all too stupid and believe everything they say.
The criminal element wishes for the ability to steal almost anything, find a place to sell the merchandise, and then get lots of money, money, money. They then move to a tropical island, lay on the beach, and throw the finger at the world. They don’t kid around, they wish for exactly what they want and aren’t afraid to stand up and shout it to the world, give it to me or I’ll just take it.
So where are you in all of this? What’s your big wish? Money and fame? I know, now you want me to tell you what I would wish for. Let me qualify my answer with a few facts first. I am the ultimate cynic and skeptic. I trust almost no one and I believe almost nothing I hear and only half of what I see. I expect the worst from people and when I’m wrong I celebrate. Unfortunately in dealing with people for as many years as I have, I’m not wrong very often. So here’s my answer.
Nobody’s going to give you a damn wish, so wake up! Too much Wishing and Hoping and Singing and Praying and Planning and Dreaming.
In the past I’ve created lists of things I love and things I hate. After roaming around for the last few months and people watching it occurred to me that another category needed to be documented. Here is my list of things that have morphed from ‘Things That Annoy Me’ to ‘Things That Bore Me’.
* * *
Drug companies and their endless advertisements to cure damn near everything. In most cases you’d need a small mortgage to pay for them but at least the side effects are free.
Organic labeling normally just pisses me off but I’ve come to realize if people are stupid enough to buy the “organic” song and dance then there’s nothing I can do. To quote one of my favorite comics, Ron White . . . You can’t fix stupid!
Anyone named Obama or Bush. No further explanation is needed or wanted.
AARP Mailings. I refuse to belong to any organization of liberal leaning seniors that enjoys sucking up to the Dems for more government handouts. You’d think that their current government subsidies would be enough.
Any bumper sticker that insists on telling me things I could care less about. I don’t really care what your children are doing or where they’re doing it. It’s just more eye litter.
SPAM in all it’s forms.
Verizon Wireless and their need to call me ten times a week because I’m now eligible for an upgrade on my cell phone. I’ve already blocked 26 of their numbers but they continue to annoy me from every state in the country.
Hilary Clinton and her endless health problems, her endless mental problems, and of course her endless marital problem, WILD BILL.
Maxine Waters. It’s time for a rubber room and a straight jacket for this wingnut.
The Maine Stream Media in all of it’s manifestations.
George “I Want to be King of the World.” Soros.
Trump Bashing.
Trump Bashers.
Hollywood idiots voicing their opinions about what they think on every topic except their acting, singing, or dancing.
Tipping waiters and waitresses when I’m now doing most of their work. Table computers are fine if I can cut my normal tip in half. All the waitresses do these days is deliver the meal and smile pretty. I think that’s worth no more than a 3 percent tip.
Facebook and Twitter. They should really be on the list of things that annoy me but they bore me as well.
The egocentric morons who frequent most retail stores and are always in line at the register directly in front of me. Where’s my stun gun when I need it.
Bait and Switch is one of the oldest and most misleading types of advertisement. It seems to have become much more commonplace that ever before.
Men talking to me while we’re standing at a urinal. I guess they don’t fully understand how focused I need to be while peeing. Talking is OK I guess but no peeking please.
Cell phone ringtones. Enough already . . . I don’t give a shit that you got email. Put it on vibrate moron.
Facial tattoos. It’s an instant judgement call when I see a person with them. Idiot, dumb ass, or moron, take your pick.
The new and improved Leggings fad. I admit that in many cases they just make my day but whatever you do don’t go into Walmart. You could be struck blind if you’re lucky.
Baseball caps worn backward. Any idiot that still thinks this is cool should get a free facial tattoo.
Homeless beggars. I hesitate giving money or cans to someone who is supposedly poor and unemployed while he’s wearing a better pair of Nike shoes than I have.
President Trumps continual tweeting. Just ridiculous.
Katy Perry. Sing a song, leave the stage, marry an asshole, cut off your hair, and then tell me what a political moron I must be for not supporting Hilary. God women . . . Get a frigging life.
Sex with lifelike robots. Only two terms comes to mind immediately, “Organ Grinder” and “Ex Wife”. Way too scary for me. Thanks but no thanks. Yikes!!!
Our fourth day in NO took us to one of the most interesting places I’ve ever been. I’ve always been a big fan of graveyards but this one was the ultimate. It’s called St. Louis #1, the oldest cemetery in the city. Some residents have been there since the late 1700’s. The temperature was 95 degrees but once we got inside the cemetery it rose to just over 100 degrees.
Since all bodies are buried above ground in NO the cemetery is just concrete walkways and white tombs. The heat actually accelerates the decomposition which is important I suppose. The cemetery isn’t open to the public any longer but I’m sure the Catholic Church is getting their taste from all of the tour groups visiting every day.
To add to the solemnness of the visit we happened upon what has become a common occurrence these days. A Hollywood celebrity showing up to spend 60,000 dollars to build an eight foot tall white pyramid right in the middle of all this history. Who else would it be but that way-out-there celebrity . . Nicolas Cage. Only one word comes to mind and that is A-Hole.
I think I lost five pounds of water weight in the hour and a half we spent roaming around the place. Our tour guide was an encyclopedia of history of New Orleans and the people resting in that cemetery. It was a highlight of our trip.
The vacation continues with Pat O’Brien’s Bar scheduled for dinner and drinks tonight. We both need a dip in the hotel pool and a few cold ones to rehydrate before visiting there. I’ll cover O’Brien’s in the next post.
If you’ve read this blog regularly you know I never miss an opportunity to ridicule and tweak the noses of celebrities and the people who worship the ground they walk on. In my travels on the Internet and while perusing through my collection of books I’ve compiled a few tidbits of information on some of our more famous celebrities to help expel some of the mysteries they spend years wrapping themselves in. They’re just folks like everyone else no matter how hard they try not to be.
Actor James Earl Jones, the voice of Darth Vader in Star Wars, stuttered so badly as a child and he had to communicate by writing notes.
Japanese American actor Pat Morita, star of the Karate Kid and Happy Days, suffered from spinal tuberculosis as a child and spent nine years confined to bed.
Actor Walter Brennan (1894 – 1974) started his career in Hollywood by doing a voiceover for a donkey.
Television star Vanna White of the show Wheel of Fortune claps an average of 720 times per show. And she has walked more than 443 miles on the show since 1982.
During most of the time that actor Raymond Burr played Perry Mason, he never owned a television set.
Spencer Tracy’s 1937 Oscar for Best Actor was mistakenly engraved with the name “Dick Tracy”.
Hollywood actress Ava Gardner left a trust fund of several million dollars, her mansion, and a personal maid to her dog, Morgan.
Tarzan star Johnny Weissmuller had a contract that stipulated he had to weigh 190 pounds or less, and for every pound over 190 he was docked $5000 – up to $50,000 a day.
At the age of 82, actor Kirk Douglas made his 82nd film.
Horror film star Bela Lugosi was buried in his favorite Dracula cape.
American actress Joan Crawford had a contract with MGM Studios that stipulated the time she had to be in bed each night.
Actor James Dean was still receiving fan mail two years after his death.
I could list another hundred snippets on more recent celebrities with even weirder things but with the social networks these days you already know most of that gossip. I’ll save a few of those for another day. I can only hope that all of you celebrity worshipers out there are able to maintain some sort of normal perspective when dealing with them. I’m just kidding myself but I can still hope.
I’m adding this photo for my own sake. While I’m not a celebrity chaser I might be convinced to chase this one.
everyuselessthing.com 