Archive for the ‘winter’ Tag
It’s been a miserable few days trying to get my systems back into operation. After four days I can finally return to the blog. It will probably take me another few weeks before things return to abnormal. This post will concern quotes from prominent people about politics. It seems to be all the rage nowadays so I decided to get on board with all of the other wackos. Here goes nothing . . .
My Quote of the Day
“Technology is a queer thing. It brings you
great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you
in the back with the other.”
(C. P. Snow)
“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.” Oscar Ameringer
“No man should be in public office who can’t make more money in private life.” Thomas Dewey
“The cardinal rule of politics – never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.” J.R Ewing (Dallas)
“Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.” John F. Kennedy
“One fifth of the people are against everything all the time.” Robert Kennedy
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“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there’s no river.” Nikita Krushchev
“Socialism is workable only in heaven, where it isn’t needed, and in hell, where they’ve got it.” Cecil Palmer
With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law, it’s a joke.” Will Rogers
“My choice early in life was to be either a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, There’s hardly any difference.” Harry Truman
“If God had been a liberal, we wouldn’t have had the Ten Commandments – we’d have the Ten Suggestions.” Malcolm Bradbury
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THANK GOD ONLY ONE OF THEM CAN WIN!
(Bumper sticker from the Kennedy-Nixon campaign in 1960)
In recent months the political world seems to have taken over virtually all discussions. While those discussions are of supreme importance, a constant drumbeat of gloom, doom, and lying takes its toll on a person. Todays post is my attempt to lighten the mood a little. Here are the thoughts and hopes of a much younger generation ( that hasn’t been scarred by an overload of political thinking.
❤️
By Jane Brown, United States
I like to feel my father’s whiskers,
They feel so very funny when I try to kiss him,
But when he shaves it does not tickle,
But still I wonder what my mother does.
❤️❤️
By Beverley Dinsdale, New Zealand
Dark fills the sky with his big black cloak,
You never hear him him come.
One by one the stars peep through,
Out comes the moon like a big yellow egg.
❤️❤️❤️
By Susan Heitler, United States
The candle screamed with fury,
Hot tears trickled down her face.
With figure slumped,
She lowly dwindled into shadows
❤️❤️❤️❤️
By Annabel Laurance, Uganda
I have a little brain
Tucked safely in my head
And another little brain
Which is in the air instead
That follow me, and plays with me
And talks to me in bed
The other one confuses me,
The one that’s in my head.
💕💕💕💕💕
SPECIAL THANKS TO RICHARD LEWIS
Don’t let the title of this post fool you. This trivia is for those of you who think you know everything there is to know about pro football. I’m certainly no expert and when I tested myself on these question I failed miserably. Lets see how you do with some old-school NFL trivia. The answers as always are listed below.
- Which NFL team first drafted Johnny Unitas?
2. What NFL team began life as the Frankford Yellow Jackets?
3. The first playoff game between division leaders came in 1933. Who beat who?
4. What NFL team was once sponsored by the Staley starch company?
5. Which team has lost more NFL playoff games than any other?
6. When was the last time that a team failed to throw a forward pass in a regular-season game?
7. What NFL championship was decided indoors?
8. The first million-dollar gate for an NFL championship game came in 1961. Who beat whom, and where?
9. Who were the two players suspended in 1964 for bidding on their own teams?
10. Who made the winning score in the NFL’s first sudden-death overtime game in 1958?
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Here’s a little bonus brain teaser for you. Complete this famous quote.
Playing a tie game is like . . .
Answers
Pittsburgh Steelers, Philadelphia Eagles, Chicago Bears 23 – New York Giants 21, Chicago Bears when the team was located in Decatur, Illinois, New York Giants, Chicago Bears beat the Portsmouth Spartans, 9-0, December 18, 1932, December 3, 1950, Cleveland versus Philadelphia, Green Bay 37, New York Giants zero, at Green Bay, Paul Hornung, Green Bay; Alex Karras, Detroit, Alan Ameche, Baltimore, scored a touchdown against the New York Giants, . . . kissing your sister.
My father always insisted that I learn as much American history as I could. He felt that any real citizen of this country should learn as much about it as possible. I’ve always loved learning American history and todays quiz takes it to another level. This is presidential trivia that most people are unaware of but I’m sure you’ll still find it very interesting. It’s my great pleasure to share it with you. As always, the answers are listed below.
- Which American president has the greatest number of cities and towns in the US named after him?
- What salary did Ben Franklin advocate for the presidency during debates in 1787?
- How short was George Washington’s second inaugural address – the shortest in US history?
- Who was the first President to receive a salary of $100,000?
- What American President had an electric horse installed in his White House bedroom and rode it almost daily?
- Who was the first President elected when women nationwide had the right to vote?
- What First Lady was edited out of her movie debut?
- President Nixon kept a music box in his Oval Office desk. What song did it play?
- Both President John Tyler Jr. and his father John Tyler Sr. served as governor in what state?
- Who was the only President born in Illinois, the “Land of Lincoln”?
- After Spiro T. Agnew resigned from office in 1973 what entertainer loaned him $230,000 for living expenses and payment of Internal Revenue Service fees?
(Answers)
James Madison with 27, None, 135 words, Harry S. Truman, Calvin Coolidge, Warren G. Harding in 1920, Pat Nixon, Hail to the Chief, Virginia, Ronald Reagan, Frank Sinatra.
For me these last four years have consisted of constant doctor visits, nurses, oncologists, chemotherapy, scans, MRI’s, Cat-Scans, multiple blood tests and surgeries. It’s still causes me to break out in a cold sweat anytime I drive by a hospital or hear an ambulance go by. Even a hospital janitor in a white coat freaks me out a little. My blood pressure soars a minimum of thirty points just by walking into their offices and it takes another 20 minutes for it to lower itself to acceptable limits. With all of that in mind here is my contribution of “one-liners” for all of those outstanding yet truly annoying medical professionals.
- “Doctor, I’m sick and tired of finishing crosswords so quickly.” Then try not to get two down.
- “Doctor, the whole worlds ganging up on me.” “Hold on a minute. Hey lads, he’s in here!”
- “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to “X”. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”
- This guy went to his doctor with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his ass. “Ah yes,” said his doctor. “Thats just the tip of the iceberg.”
- “Doctor, I can’t stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home.” “That sounds a lot like the Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is that common doc?” “It’s not unusual.”
- “Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a German vodka.” “Well, Schnapps out of it.”
- My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right. I feel ten years older already.
- So, I went to the doctors to ask if he had anything for excessive wind. He gave me a kite.
- A guy goes into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only clingy short shorts. The shrink said, “I can clearly see your nuts.”
- A man went to see an eye doctor. The receptionist asked him what was wrong. He said, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.” She said, “Have you seen a doctor?” He said, “No, just spots.”
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DROP YOUR PANTS DUMB ASS
Yesterday was a less than a spectacular day. My better-half was diagnosed with Covid after returning from her safari to the northern wilds of Maine. It effectively required that the cat and I sleep alone for a few days until she recovers. Today started off when the Maine Medical System decided to charge me an out-of-pocket charge of $117.30 to appear at their office to have my blood pressure checked. I said, “Hell No!” and immediately cancelled the appointment. I hate it when people in any organization think of me as just another revenue stream rather than a real patient. Well, I think that’s enough of my bitching and complaining for today. This post is trivia related but contains much more obscure information than my normal facts. Enjoy!
- Shaquille O’Neal wears a size 52XXXXL (extra-extra-extra-extra-long) jersey.
- 20.41 pounds is the weight of $1,000,000 worth of U.S. $100.00 dollar bills.
- It is 14 miles distance from the Batcave to Gotham City.
- There is an average of 512 plain M&M’s per pound.
- Jimy Olsen’s middle name was Bartholomew.
- The movie Roots was originally titled “Before This Anger”.
- The original family surname of John Cleese was Cheese.
- “Et one, Brute?” was the advertising slogan for Lay’s Potatoe Chips in the 60’s.
- “JoJo” is Bart Simpson’s middle name.
- Kelcy’s Bar was Archie Bunkers favorite hangout.
ONE OF MY FAVS
Manfred was the oldest of the Marx Brothers who died before his first birthday.
🚨👮🏻🚨
ARREST THE LAWBREAKERS
- Humans spend two years of their life making love.
- A recent survey revealed by prostitutes that the sexual act they are most often asked to perform is fellatio.
- The Ramses condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II, who fathered more than 160 children.
- More than 1,000,000 condoms are sold in the US – that being only 0.4% of the population.
- The average bra size is now 36C. Ten years ago it was 34B.
- According to a recent American study the candle is the device most used by women during masturbation.
- Sixteen years and two months is the average age for the loss of female virginity in the US.
- The average penguin has only one orgasm a year.
- On rare occasions menstrual cramps can induce orgasms.
- Less than 30% of parents say they can talk openly about sex with their children.
My Fav
According to a Caribbean cruise line 58% of their passengers are unable to wait more than ten hours before making love. A lifeboat is the fourth most popular place on a ship to have sex. The whirlpool bath ranked first.
🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻
I VOTE YES TO SEX ON A BOAT
I’ve had a number of readers requesting another batch of jokes and humor from the 1980’s. As I compile these lists, I’ve discovered that they’re funnier today than they were when originally written. It just verifies that even low class and nasty humor lasts forever. Enjoy!
- What is a barroom? An elephant farting in an elevator shaft.
- How do you get even with the guy who’s trying to steal your wife? Let him have her.
- What happens when you sit on wet cement? You get hardening of the farteries.
- What does a gynecologist do when he’s feeling sentimental? Looks up an old girlfriend.
- What do you call a lesbian who drives a delivery truck full of dildoes? A dick van dyke.
- What’s worse than a piano that’s out of tune? An organ that stops working in the middle of a piece.
- Why did the girl fail Sex Education? She couldn’t come for the oral exam.
- How many straight New York waiters does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.
- Why is a fat girl like a moped? They’re both fun to ride until your friends see you.
- What do you do when your girlfriend tells you to “kiss her where it smells?” Drive her to New Jersey.
☮️☮️☮️
Here’s one that really hits home for those of us who grew up during the 60’s and 70’s.
What’s the one most important rule at an orgy?
To come with the person who brought you.
It’s “Weird Facts” Day here at Everyuselessthing. I’m offering a few odd and strange truisms you’ve probably never heard of before. Just another public service for those of you interested in the unusual. Some of this information was collected from a book authored by Dan Lewis in 2013. This is my homage to him, a fellow lover of the weirdness that is the human race.
- In August 1962, American singer Bobby “Boris” Pickett released a novelty Halloween song “Monster Mash”. The song (his only hit) reached the top of the US Billboard charts in October of that year. But it took more than ten years for it to have any success in the UK. In 1962, the BBC banned the song from the airwaves, claiming it was “too morbid.” When the song was finally rereleased in 1973, the BBC saw it immediately rise to number three on the UK charts.
- The Mona Lisa is not painted on canvas, but on three pieces of wood roughly an inch and a half thick.
- Major League Baseball pitcher Jim Abbott was born without a right hand. Nevertheless, he had a ten-year career in the league, and on September 4, 1993, threw a no-hitter.
- New York City is filled with carts selling hotdogs, pretzels, cold drinks, etc., with the core products running just a few bucks, depending on location. Central Park spots can earn as much as $175,000.00 annually, says Yahoo.com, and in 2008, one vendor bid more than $600,000.00 for the exclusive rights to sell wieners outside the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
- Toilet paper is not the greatest thing since sliced bread. It can’t be, because TP predated slice bread by more than 50 years. Commercial TP was invented in 1857 by a New Yorker named Joseph Gayetty, who sold packs of 500 sheets for $.50. It’s marketing language called the product “the greatest necessity of the age,” so perhaps, sliced bread is the greatest thing since toilet paper.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY
Would you consider yourself a superstitious person? Most people don’t think they are but when questioned further the truth always comes out. Superstition comes in a number of forms but today I want to talk about the number 13. We are a technological people creating devices and accomplishments that boggle the mind. Why is it that there are no buildings in this country with a 13th floor. That fact is absolutely ridiculous for a modern country leading the world in so many areas. Here are some other examples of how stupid and superstitious we really are.
- The fear of the number 13 or “triskaidekaphobia” seems to have been around a long time. Viking mythology claims thirteen guests were seated at Loki’s Valhalla feast. Also, there were thirteen attendees at the Last Supper.
- Friday is also considered an unlucky because it was day of the crucifixion. It is claimed that Adam and Eve also ate the forbidden fruit on a Friday. That would surely make Friday the 13th a double whammy.
- Winston Churchill, former British prime minister, never traveled on a Friday the 13th unless absolutely necessary.
- Graham Chapman of Monty Python fame arranged to be buried on the 13th hour of Friday, October 13th, 1989.
- Benny Goodman and former vice-president Hubert Humphrey died on Friday the 13th.
- Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th.
- On March 13, 1992, a violent earthquake in Turkey killed more than a thousand people.
- In 1972 on a Friday, a plane crashed in the Andes without food and water compelling the survivors to turn to cannibalism to stay alive.
- On Friday, October 13, 1307, King Philip IV of France ordered the arrest and torture of all members of the Knights Templar on charges of heresy.
- German bombs hit Buckingham Palace on Friday, September 13th, 1940, during World War II.
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T.G.I.F.
everyuselessthing.com 