Archive for the ‘Education’ Category
This has been a week of rain then sunshine then rain and on and on and on. The humidity is constantly high and sleeping is a real challenge. It certainly limits my activities to hanging around the house and driving my better-half over the edge. It must be true because she tells me that at least twice a day. What to do, what to do. My only solution is to take my camera and go forth to play in the woods. Maybe it was time for a quick check of my favorite swamps to look in on the dragonfly situation. With this much humidity and heat there should be a large increase in their numbers (I hope). It’s a reasonably short drive so I loaded up my gear and took off.
I arrived at the sanctuary, parked the car, and stepped into the world of sweat bees, gnats, and those little mites that congregate around your head by the thousands. I used half a can of the strongest bug spray I could find and it was of little help.
It’s common practice here in Maine for the horse farmers to cover the eyes of their horses with netting to keep the bugs from driving the horses crazy. If it works for horses then why can’t it work for me. I reached into my bag of goodies and found some netting made specifically to be worn over a baseball cap and then tied tightly at the neck. It’s not a perfect solution but it will keep the gnats in the swamp out of my eyes and ears. The rest of my body is up for grabs but even those damn mosquitos and ticks have to eat too. Without a doubt I’ll be their lunch entrée.
On my way to the swamp I have to pass through a few acres of milkweed plants. They’re just coming into bloom and in a few short weeks will be covered with visiting Monarch butterflies. They love laying their eggs on the milkweed plants which contain a chemical that keeps predators from eating their eggs. I’ll be back in a few weeks for their arrival which promises a gang of excellent macro photographs.
I arrived in the swamp covered with swarms of bugs and discovered to my delight a reasonable number of dragonflies flitting around. I’ve found if you stand still in one place for a few minutes they tend to approach to check you out. These pictures were of a few that seemed to be purposely posing for me.
I lasted almost an hour but the bugs made staying any longer impossible. I’ll be better prepared on my next visit and hope to obtain more photos of dragonflies and damselflies. The variety of colors is absolutely amazing.
***WILDLIFE ALERT ***
(Sarcasm On) This Wildlife Alert arrived on my desk today from my better-half and I promised her I’d put out A BOTA (Be On the Lookout) alert for a herd of those terribly dangerous and ruthless gourd eating deer. She plans on hanging some sort of crazy noise-maker in the garden to scare them off. Truthfully we’ve had deer eat almost everything in the garden at one time or another but not a single one has ever munched on a gourd. She has a strange attraction for gourds which I still don’t understand. Maybe I’ll build a blind for her to sit in near the garden and she can jump out in the middle of the night to scare the crap out of them. I promise to get lots of pictures if she actually does it. (Sarcasm Off)
Every guy loves ogling beautiful women and that includes me. It’s been that way forever and I don’t see it changing any time soon. Woman claim to dislike being stared at but do they really mean it? Victoria Secret’s success has made that claim a little less believable. I’ve had them try to tell me that they wear makeup, revealing clothing, and expensive hair styling just to look good for other women. Do you buy that? Not a chance. They want to be stared at, whistled at, and ogled just as much as the men enjoy doing it. It’s that famous “dance” that the sexes do in a age old mating ritual. If you look good then your choice of mates increases exponentially.
I must say that it’s a fine line for a woman to walk. If you get too revealing you look like a slut. Most guys looking for a serious relationship wouldn’t be drawn to the slutty woman but also wouldn’t hesitate making the occasional booty call to one after a night of drinking and increasing horniness. What most women don’t seem to get is the desire by many men for an attractive, well behaved, and friendly woman who sheds those attributes upon entering the bedroom and turns into a sex crazed slut. I know it isn’t rally fair to all of you women but unfortunately it remains true.
There’s a rule of thumb you’ve probably heard, KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid”. Over the years I’ve developed five simple and easy rules for women to help them have a modicum of success in attracting a possible long term mate.
Rule 1 – Look good but not too good. Just slutty enough to make his mouth water and to keep his fantasies percolating.
Rule 2 – Be flirty but not too dirty or off color. Just a hint of the “bad girl” is usually enough to drive most men over the edge.
Rule 3 – Drink enough but don’t get sloppy drunk. No one wants to have the woman they’re hoping to have sex with throwing up on them. Don’t laugh, it’s happened to me.
Rule 4 – Lay off that constant stream of foul language except in the bedroom. Be coy at first and then turn into that bedroom slut he’s been hoping and searching and wishing for.
Rule 5 – You may be more sexually experienced than he is but don’t show off. Save some of your better moves for later when he’ll thinks he’s the reason you’ve decided to do them.
I’ve always been partial to women who look good but not too good. I love a woman who wears her hair long because I find long hair very sexy. It’s an old Victorian fantasy of mine where you spend a great deal of time peeling off layers of clothing and after all that work she lets down her hair down and you’re good to go. Gives me the shivers just thinking about it.
“With the narrower silhouette, emphasis was placed on the bust, waist and hips. A corset was used to help mold the body to the desired shape.
“Skirts were supported by a hybrid of the bustle and crinoline or hooped petticoat sometimes called a “crinolette”. The crinolette itself was quickly superseded by the true bustle, which was sufficient for supporting the drapery and train at the back of the skirt.”
“The Victorian Version of the J-LO look.”
Well back to topic. I’ve had dealings with a few women in my life and they’ve fallen into any number of different categories. Beautiful, fugly, and all points in between. Each one was a totally different experience, some good and some really effing bad. They can try and deny their innate desire to attract men but down deep in their hearts they know its the truth. They want a good man in a good relationship with kids, a dog, and the white picket fence. After all of that they also want to be the biggest slut they can be in the bedroom and have a man who’ll appreciate it.
SURPRISE LADIES . . . THAT’S WHAT WE WANT TOO
My week of freedom is almost over and in a another two days things will be back to what we call normal with the arrival of my better-half from LA. My week of loafing is ending and thankfully so has the rain and wind of Arthur. It wasn’t until the third day of rain I even knew about Arthur because I was ignoring the television as much as possible. My only connection to the outside world was my phone and I was desperately trying to ignore that as well. I spent a lot of time on the Internet trying to resolve issues with the Adobe Corporation and a purchase I made. Here’s my sad story which should be a warning to you all about their company and it’s approach to customer service.
Last week I made the mistake of attempting to buy software on-line and to download it direct to my computer. I’ve been using Adobe’s Photoshop Elements for years to catalogue and store my photographs. I decided that maybe it was time to convert from Photoshop Elements 7 to the new version Photoshop Elements 12. That was my first mistake.
I checked a few retailers on-line and found the price to be hovering around $100.00. I told my better-half that I wasn’t comfortable with downloading the program directly and I drove to Best Buy to see if they had it in stock. I found Adobe’s Premiere Elements 12 and made the purchase for $75.00. I headed home very proud of the money I’d saved. I got home, installed the software and surprise, surprise, it was the wrong product. Adobe in it’s typical retailer wisdom named two products in a similar fashion and I was I unobservant enough to fall for it.
Premiere Elements 12 is a program for cataloging and editing videos and not still photographs. I felt stupid and a bit embarrassed by my mistake and decided to let it go and take the loss. But Adobe suckered me a second time with a pop-up add during the install to download the product I was actually looking for a price of an additional $99.00. Being frustrated and pissed off I gave them my credit card number and began the download. I’d now spent $180.00 dollars.
That was the beginning of three days of BS in trying to deal with a company that has turned over the majority of it’s customer service duties to a live on-line chat only. It’s almost impossible to talk to a human being except in chat mode. I was at my wits end because the download wasn’t working as advertised and their method of copy protection was pure insanity. After hours of frustration and waiting on the telephone for forty-five minutes I finally connected with some company representative who’s grasp of the English language was almost non-existent but was to expected when you live in the suburbs of New Delhi, India. I became a bit rude and belligerent and demanded an effing refund since my credit card had been immediately charged $105.00 for that second product.
It took two days for their investigation to verify I didn’t have a working copy of their damn Photoshop software and my refund was finally posted 48 hours later. By then I was feeling highly agitated, used, and abused. The biggest problem in this whole scenario is that their product is the best on the market and I still wanted it. I tried not to think about it anymore because it was sending my blood pressure through the roof.
Another week passed and I was still looking around for a solution to my problem when I found a site that would permit me to upgrade my existing copy of the Adobe Elements 7 at a cost of only $69.99 as a direct download from Adobe. At no time during this fiasco was that option every mentioned to me by Adobe which pissed me off all over again. I refused to be baited a second time with another download and let it go once again.
Two days later I happened upon a deal I couldn’t refuse. eBay came to my rescue when I found a vendor in the Midwest selling a package deal of photo editing software. They offered Adobe Photoshop Elements 12, a Roxio editing program, and a Font package, for $49.00. I made that purchase and it’s now on it’s way to me as we speak.
I have only two things to say to end this rant. Adobe Photoshop software is the best around but the Adobe company and it’s employees suck. That is my humble opinion and I’m positive they could care less. Their approach to business is to make as much money as possible as fast as possible and the hell with the customer. My second comment is a warning for anyone buying on-line. Many companies use the Internet as a device where they can disconnect from their customers. Shop around for the product your wanting to purchase but don’t buy directly from the manufacturer. It’s similar to going to a car dealer to get your car repaired. The only certainty is that you will be overcharged and treated as a second class citizen.
In all my years of Internet crawling and making purchases this was my absolute worst experience. I’m stuck using Adobe software but I won’t buy any new products from them in the future. Just an awful few days that could have been handled easily by a company that actually cared about their customers.
Thanks for nothing Adobe.
I’m sitting here quietly writing this blog on the 4th of July as I try to do every year. I’m thinking about my late grandfather (born on the Fourth of July) and whose birthday we always celebrated along with the country’s. All too often in the past I’ve fallen into the flag waving routine as many others do. I love this country and as always I’m proud to be an American (95% of the time) even though Democrats and Liberals make 100% an unreachable goal. I can accept that because the alternative is unacceptable.
I think on this day we should all be flying the flag and celebrating our independence. As screwed up as we seem to be at times I still wouldn’t want to be living anywhere else. If you do, then your dumber than I imagined. I’ve traveled inside and outside the country enough to know the majority of our people don’t realize just how good they have it. Move to the Middle East, maybe try Africa, how about Indonesia, or even Europe. Count me out. We may have some issues here but compared to the rest of this miserable planet we’ve got it made. Period, end of discussion.
I decided to forego photographs and heart rendering monologues about the United States because they’ve become a bit trite over the years. And secondly no one really gives a damn about what I think anyway. I’d rather hear directly from our forefathers and a few others who seem to have understood things a lot better than most. Listen to them…..
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The American Revolution was a beginning, not a consummation. ~Woodrow Wilson
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Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed – else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
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In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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This, then, is the state of the union: free and restless, growing and full of hope. So it was in the beginning. So it shall always be, while God is willing, and we are strong enough to keep the faith. ~Lyndon B. Johnson
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America is much more than a geographical fact. It is a political and moral fact – the first community in which men set out in principle to institutionalize freedom, responsible government, and human equality. ~Adlai Stevenson
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May the sun in his course visit no land more free, more happy, more lovely, than this our own country! ~Daniel Webster
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Where liberty dwells, there is my country. ~Benjamin Franklin
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The winds that blow through the wide sky in these mounts, the winds that sweep from Canada to Mexico, from the Pacific to the Atlantic – have always blown on free men. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy! ~Thomas Jefferson
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We need an America with the wisdom of experience. But we must not let America grow old in spirit. ~Hubert H. Humphrey
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Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ~Abraham Lincoln
I never thought I’d see the day when Bill Clinton was quoted on this blog because I wasn’t a big fan when he was in office and for the most part I’m still not. My grandfather always told that “Even a blind man can find a pearl once in a while”. Here’s Slick Willy’s one and only pearl:
There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America. ~William J. Clinton
And finally a quote from my all time favorite quoter who frequently offers up a taste of good old American common sense:
“I prefer liberty with danger to peace with slavery.” ~Anonymous
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA & YOU TOO GRAMPS
Do you ever feel the need to get away, to hide from the world, or to avoid the people you care most about? It happens to me periodically for no apparent reason and at odd times. I normally just disappear from the house proper and take refuge in my man-cave but that doesn’t work as well as it once did. It seems that other people, including a rather inquisitive grandson have figured out my secret hide-away. When that happens my last resort is to take my camera and head for the woods.
Yesterday was one of those days when the better-half was working and I was tired of gardens, gardening, household fix-it jobs, and the occasional unexpected telephone call. I told no one where I was going, packed up my gear, turned off my cell and hit the road. It was hot and humid and I didn’t care at all if anyone knew where I was going. After arriving at my destination I parked my car, sprayed myself from head to foot with bug repellent, grabbed my camera and disappeared into the woods. It’s one of the reasons I love living in Maine. There are more woods here than I could ever visit in my lifetime.
I’ll give you a short walk-along as I made my way through a number of trails, two swamps, and my favorite blackberry patch. The bugs were out in large numbers but the repellent kept most of them at bay. Since this Spring has been a wet one the woods are lush and green. I didn’t walk twenty feet before I discovered these wild daisies.
I found a patch of these smaller yellow flowers as well and I have no idea what they are or where they came from. I do know they’re very delicate and love being photographed.
The trails are over grown in places and it was dead quiet. I visit this spot every so often because there are so few people who even know it exists. It’s just me, the bugs, and the occasional wildlife visitor.
I was especially interested in visiting the swamps. It’s a little early for the dragonfly population to be booming but I thought I’d check it out anyway. I’m fascinated by them and have hundreds of photos in my files. Unfortunately the swamps today had almost no dragonflies at all. I found that a little unusual but I’ll try again later in July when it gets a little warmer. As I neared the first swamp I saw this wild Iris just sticking up out the water all by lonesome.
A few steps further on and I almost stepped on this bull frog who was hiding in the weeds near my feet. He refused to move so I took immediate advantage.
I made my way a short distance to the edge of the Scarborough River and Marsh. It’s a thousand acres of a fresh water marsh with a water connection to the open ocean. Beautiful scenery as far as the eye can see.
I followed anther trail that took me along the river and then inland to a second swampy area. Again no dragonflies just another big fat bull frog who refused to look my way. He sat quietly and gave me the cold shoulder until I left the area.
I decided to make my way back to my vehicle and along the way check out my favorite blackberry patch. Over the years this patch has supplied my better-half and I with dozens of jars of delicious jam that is to die for. It’s a huge patch as you can see and it is loaded with berries that should begin ripening in big numbers in a month or so.
That was a photo of the patch but here’s one of the berries I intend to pick and eat in a few weeks. I can’t wait to make more jam and freeze a few quarts of those big fat berries for use on my morning cereal. There’s nothing better.
I headed home with a few dozen photo’s and a better outlook on life. Being in the woods has always supplied me with that clarity of thinking that’s so important.
As I sit here nursing what could be called a mind numbing, brain busting, and painful hangover I made the decision to stay in bed until it goes away. Unfortunately since I cut my alcohol intake by 75% for the last six months I’m now what is commonly known as a "cheap date". A few glasses of wine and all of a sudden I’ve got a serious glow on and no longer have the ability to stop drinking. After last night I now know what my new tolerance level for Sangria is. It’s a sneaky drink that crept up behind me when I wasn’t looking and BAM, trashed.
Being in a semi-intoxicated state I decided I should help my better-half make dinner. I was assigned the task of cooking up a batch of skillet cornbread which is my specialty. I have numerous recipes for cornbread but did I use one of them? Of course not. I decided to adlib a little. As you can see the batter looks as it should even though I had to read the recipe a number of times due to my alcohol induced focusing problem.
I added a few new ingredients to the recipe which included a cup of crushed corn and heaping tablespoons of jalapeño and red onion powder. I diligently checked the skillet periodically and things seemed to be progressing as expected.
I did the tried and true toothpick test and removed the skillet from the oven. I was happy with the result, it looked great and smelled even better. I patiently waited a few minutes, had another glass of Sangria, and then sliced it up.
Being a caring and meticulous chef I never present my food to others until I’ve tried it myself. I cut a large slice, slathered it with butter, and pigged out. It wasn’t until I swallowed the second bite that the heat caught my attention. Within a few minutes my head was sweating, my lips were on fire, and I felt myself sobering up rather quickly. It was so freaking hot. I guess Chef’s Tip #1 for anyone deciding to have a piece of this cornbread is to cover it with jam of some sort to help knock down the heat. I guess I’ll file this new recipe away and save it for my friends who wish to be sobered up in a hurry.
The morning is slipping away and it’s time for me to get my lazy ass up and do something. I was planning on doing a serious detailing of my car today but I’m having trouble motivating myself. I need two large hot cups of coffee, a few pieces of crispy fried bacon, two Tylenol, and one more big slice of that cornbread. If that doesn’t cure me nothing will.
I should be back to my semi-normal condition sometime tomorrow. Hopefully I’ve been made a little smarter with my new understanding of Sangria and the pitfalls of drinking it like fruit juice.
I’ll start off to day talking about consumerism. I didn’t realize just how much of a consumer I actually was until I began tracking my purchases and saving every receipt. I’ve been doing that for years now and every so often as I’m entering that end-of-month information into a spreadsheet I’m forced to admit my somewhat excessive consumer issues. Once each month I find myself standing next to a trash can filled with receipts and that has to tell me something.
That being said as I was reading yesterday I discovered that in comparison I might not be as bad as I first thought. I noticed that as bad as we American seem to be when it comes to crass consumerism the Japanese make us look like a bunch of amateurs. Here’s a collection of tidbits on the Japanese and their quirky approach to retailing and consumption.
“In Tokyo, Japan there are vending machines that dispense frozen meat, jewelry, and even dating information.”
“A company in Kyoto, Japan, makes waterproof books for students who like to study in the bath.”
“Kanebo, a cosmetic company in Japan, has developed a line of panty-hose that are embedded with vitamins and special scents that are released when worn.”
I know you thought I was kidding, right! Those crazy fun loving Japanese will merchandise and sell just about anything.
Next I’ll address a subject that has always fascinated me. Synchronicity! I’ve firmly believed for most of my life that there are no such things as coincidences. As a former extensively trained investigator it’s been proven time and time again to my satisfaction. Unfortunately there have been a few random times that "synchronicity" has reared it’s ugly head and I had no logical explanation.
Two days ago my better-half and I were taking a walk near our home when a passing motorist stopped to tell us about a large turtle she saw crossing the road. She was concerned it might be hit by a car and had turned around to check on it. I walked a short distance and found the turtle scrambling from the highway and helped him along in his travels to get off the road.
We returned to our house and I sat down at the computer to check on a few things on-line. On Facebook I found an entry from my step-daughters husband who was traveling for work and happened upon what else, a freaking turtle on the road. He posted a photograph of himself parked along a highway and assisting the rather large turtle to cross the road to avoid the dangers of oncoming traffic.
A synchronistic moment to be sure. I’ve had a few other startling incidents like this during my life for which I have no reasonable answers or explanations. Just saying.
Lastly, I finally finished the renovation of my wine-making area. I’d been wanting to complete this job for years and finally was able to get it done. It should make bottling and handling of my wine a much easier process than in the past.
That’s all I have for today but I thought I’d pass along a few tidbits of wisdom from Jeff Foxworthy. In the Army we called this process “Knowing Your Enemy”. If this offends anyone out there just remember I’m just doing my part in adding a little humor to a humorless situation. So get over it.
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Have you ever wondered why it’s OK to make jokes about Catholics, the Pope, Jews, Christians, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians) etc., but its insensitive to make jokes about Muslims? We need to level the playing field for the sake of political correctness . . .
Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims
1. If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor, you may be a Muslim.
2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes, you may be a Muslim.
3. If you have more wives than teeth, you may be a Muslim.
4. If you wipe your butt with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean, you may be a Muslim.
5. If you think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide,you may be a Muslim
6. If you can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared jihad against,you may be a Muslim.
7. If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing, you may be a Muslim.
8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, you may be a Muslim.
9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four, you may be a Muslim.
10. If you find this offensive and don’t forward it, you may be a Muslim.
THERE YOU HAVE IT!
Todays posting will be a little more scatter-brained than usual but that’s something you should be used to by now. My life continues in it’s normal routine broken up only by the occasional minor problems, things that need fixing, or just a shot of Jack Daniels when needed. Owning a home is a constant stream of useless tasks that must be dealt with or the whole world will come crumbling down around us (or so says my better-half).
I’ve been spending a fair amount of time for the last few days trying to discover exactly what my brand new cell phone can do. I was forced to return to the bosom of Verizon Wireless after my two months of freedom when I discovered just how truly bad the Tracfone company really is. It sounded like a good idea at the outset but things went down hill fast after I actually tried to use it. Apparently they have half the number of towers that Verizon has which is reflected in their terrible cellular coverage. So I came crawling back to Verizon with my tail between my legs and signed up for a phone that appears to be way smarter than I am.
“Samsung Galaxy S4”
After two days of playing around with it I finally have it setup and ready to go. It’s actually pretty damn cool and has a camera function with 13 megapixels making it comparable to the quality of my Nikon 3200 SLR. The Android operating system also makes it a snap to get the photo’s from the phone to the blog. Android rules (even though I hate Google). Here’s a couple of sample photo’s I took in the garden yesterday.
It’s been a rainy week so far and I’ve had to find something to do to keep me out of trouble. I’ve had two old Sanyo speakers that I bought a million years ago that have long since become obsolete. I kept them around for years with the intention of making them into something useful and this was definitely the week for it. Here’s a series of shots as I progressed through the project. It’s nearing completion but it will be another week or two before I’m completely finished with staining and painting.
It’ll make another fine addition to the décor in my man-cave and will give me a few more storage options for my stupid treasures. I have a second matching speaker sitting somewhere in storage and I guess I’ll keep it until I can come up with a workable idea to repurpose it. That’s a new word I recently picked up from some stupid television show about salvaging old stuff and giving it a new life. It’s a little lame but accurate I suppose.
Yard sales and flea markets are on the agenda for Saturday, weather permitting. I sure hope we find a few things worth dragging home.
This has been a better week than I expected. The weather has been beautiful with lots of sun and temperatures in the low eighties. The better-half’s schedule is finally cooperating and her days off fell just perfectly. We packed up our cameras and headed to Kennebunkport, Maine for lunch and a short shopping spree as she searched for a Father’s Day gift for her Dad.
It’s little early for the normal crowds of tourists but it’s obvious that the summer is nearing. Traffic was moderate but as always finding parking is a huge pain in the ass.
Before the advent of the Bush family to the national scene this place was just a small quaint little town on the water with a small harbor full of lobster men’s boats. Now it’s THE place to go in southern Maine for all of the Bush family admirers. Everything Bush all of the time.
We decided that lunch at Federal Jacks was in order. Federal Jacks is located on the main drag directly adjacent to the harbor. It’s a great restaurant and also the original microbrewery responsible for the Shipyard line of beers. We took a seat on the deck of the second floor and ordered drinks and a light lunch. Here’s the view from our table.
“Black Bean Chili and Chips”
It’s low tide so the smell of the ocean and fish fill the air. Some of us like that but many others like the schmo at the next table do not. It’s the the ocean dumb ass, get over it. Go play tourist at the Grand Canyon where you can enjoy the aroma of hot sand. Brother!
We walked through a number of shops until my better-half found that special gift for Dad. We decided not to spend the entire day there because it’s quite likely we’ll be back a few more times before this summer is over.
There you have it, another day in this northern paradise. If you visit Kennebunkport in season there is one problem you’ll be forced to contend with. A small town, limited space, thousands of people and unless you pay there will be:
Just a friendly warning.
I love passing along information that will possibly help some of you travelers out there in making your vacation or long weekend trips worth doing. I’ve just spent the Memorial Day weekend in Dallas and it was one of the best holidays ever. There always seems to be a few bothersome issues when traveling which tend to gripe my ass and that’s the topic for today’s discussion.
I really only have one travelers tip for you based on my recent travels. Never fly the freaking friendly skies of United because believe me they’re not that damn friendly. United Airlines sucks and I intend to spell out the entire nightmare they put me and a few hundred of my fellow travelers through on Tuesday afternoon, Tuesday night, Wednesday’s wee hours of the morning and into Wednesday afternoon.
My trip began perfectly with a flight to O’Hare in Chicago last Friday, on time and no problems to complain about. I was filled with holiday cheer and was having good thoughts about the entire world and everyone in it. That lasted approximately two and a half hours until the United Airlines curse began. I was due to land at Dallas/Fort-Worth at 11:15 pm and my ride was waiting patiently for me. Honest, he really had nothing better to do than to waste his time waiting for United to get their act together. Finally after some typical airline BS I arrived in Dallas late. Being the forgiving soul that I am I cursed quietly under my breath and just let it go. I really do hate to be forced into any situation being controlled by any airlines but since it’s one of those times when they have you by the cojones , you’re screwed.
My holiday weekend was terrific with barbecues, tacos, and smoked steak headlining the menus. Unfortunately the fun had to end and as we drove to the airport for my return home I began to have premonitions of the coming disaster. As we flew out of Dallas a storm front arrived and eventually extended all the way to Dulles in Washington making for a really bumpy ride. We landed just ahead of the front and I had only thirty minutes to make my connection for the second leg of my journey to Maine because we arrived a little late.
United in their indisputable logic required me to run like O.J. Simpson across the terminal, jump into a shuttle bus to reach another terminal where I arrived out of breath and barely made the flight. All of us cattle herded ourselves into a small version of the Boeing 707 that held approximately a hundred idiots like me. Starting out the steward had difficulty making his safety announcements because his microphone appeared to have a loose wire of some sort. It was screeching from the feedback so loud no-one could understand him. Then the pilot announced a fan equipment failure and a half hour delay. That delay caused us to miss our take off window before the storms hit and we then had to sit through a wall of thunderstorms trapping us on the tarmac. Two hot and sweaty hours later the pilot tells us the flight has been cancelled because of other maintenance issues.
We were directed back to the terminal into the supposedly capable hands of the oxymoronic "Customer Service" crew. They herded us into a line of almost two hundred other people and offered only three Customer Service agents to handle all of our problems. As we waited endlessly in that line they announced we should call 1-800-UNITED1 for additional ticketing help.
To make a long story short the morons had me on hold for one hour before I got to talk to a human being who then told me there were no flights to Portland until Thursday with very few seats available on them. He then passed me along to another so called expert who put me on hold again. My phone ran out of power at that point and I was forced to stand around for another hour in that line to get help from their three overwrought agents. I felt bad for them but unfortunately this nightmare was about me. Also during that time my luggage, a small carryon that I had been forced to bag check in Dallas, had been sent into the black hole that is the United baggage claim system and disappeared.
Their first recommendation when I reached an agent was that I upgrade to a first-class ticket for an additional $226.00 and they could get me on a flight to Boston within the hour. Then I could rent a car and drive the rest of the way to Maine at my expense of course. I won’t repeat exactly what I said because it was extremely rude and crude. Lets just say that agent immediately understood I wasn’t interested.
I’d like to take a moment here to thank the lovely and friendly blonde lady from Yarmouth, Maine whose name I never got. She was sweet and calm and kept me from erupting into a full blown maniacal rant while we stood in that line. As I promised her, I have nothing but nice things to say about her. I told her about this blog and she was worried I might say something derogatory.
I strong armed that United agents into finding me a flight on another carrier, US Airways, but I had to shuttle across Washington DC to Reagan National Airport ($30.00 for a fifteen minute ride) and arrived there at midnight. I should also tell you that United refused any compensation to any of the travelers even though most were forced to get motel rooms that averaged $150.00 a night (I wasn’t one of them to be sure). They claimed the cancellations were totally due to the weather and never mentioned any of the maintenance issues we’d been told about by our pilot. Maintenance issues require them to compensate travelers so I wasn’t all that surprised when they didn’t hesitate to screw us all. A bunch of lying, uncaring, arrogant assholes to categorize them as nicely as possible.
I have to tell you that I had a lovely night sleeping on the floor of the terminal at Reagan National airport with eighty of my now closest friends who also refused to be coerced into paying out of pocket for motel rooms. I finally flew home to Portland today with US Airways and arrived at three o’clock this afternoon. Along with all of the other BS, I lost my Kindle Reader as I was scurrying around trying to get home. I hadn’t had a decent meal for thirty hours and I had the pungent aroma of a disgusting farm animal or so I was told by my better-half when she picked me up.
Thanks for nothing United Airlines. May you and your entire operation rot in hell. You’ll never see me again.
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