Archive for the ‘History’ Category
I realized this morning that my Christmas spirit is a little different this year. In years past I’ve been identified by many people who care about me as being a bit of a Grinch. In other years they’ve considered me jolly and fun to have around in the holidays. Which is it this year?
I feel like I have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing going on when it comes to Christmas. Most of the time my feelings for the holidays can go either way depending on who annoys me and who doesn’t. I have such mixed feelings about the whole Christmas deal it’s difficult at times for me to celebrate much of anything.
While I myself am not all that religious, most of my best Christmas memories come from a childhood where religion was a huge part of the celebration. I’ve pretty much given up on it ever being a religious holiday again because over the years it’s morphed into much more of a secular celebration where buying and receiving gifts is everything.
I’ve been forced to reevaluate my entire Christmas experience this year with a new attitude. I’ve decided to be the best damn consumer I can be and spend money a little more freely than usual. Without the cloud of religion things become instantly clearer. Be nice to everyone, spend a lot of money, and make it about the kids and not much else. At least the emotions I’ll see on their little faces will be genuine and that’s as good as it gets anytime. Finding anything genuine at Christmas these days is almost as rare as finding a few honest men.
So bring on the kids and hopefully some of their legitimate Christmas spirit will rub off on all of the cynical types like me. That’s my Christmas wish for this year.
AND A POLITICALLY INCORRECT “MERRY CHRISTMAS” TO ALL
Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone and I’ve digested all that good food I’d like nothing better than to relax for a bit. Dream on fool, here comes Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Christmas, and New Years!
Meanwhile, here’s a quick look at our Thanksgiving table for this year. A luscious prime rib roast, asparagus, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and a chilled bottle of honey mead. I have to say it was the best Thanksgiving meal we’ve had in recent memory. Hope yours was the same or even better.
Black Friday has also come and gone and fortunately for me I missed it completely. I missed all the large crowds of pissed off shoppers, the pushing, the shoving, the fighting, and the shootings that makes these holiday seasons so near and dear to my heart. There’s nothing like a little physical combat with pregnant women, kids, or anyone else for that matter who gets in the way.
It feels extra special to shove some old lady to the ground and to grab an item from her hands that you wanted more than she did. A big thanks once again to Walmart for costing a few people their lives and many others minor injuries and arrests. The almighty dollar rules absolutely in the world of Walmart with very little concern for the consequences of their actions. Nothing new, right?
‘Deck the Halls’
‘Happy Holidays’
‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’
I’m not blaming all of these problems on Walmart because Target, Best Buy, and hundreds of others are just as guilty. My better-half and her daughter braved the crowds yesterday while I sat at home hoping they survived without injuries or incidents. They fortunately arrived home in one piece with more shopping war stories that I’ll be forced to listen to for another year. There are some traditions that need to go and Black Friday is one of them.
‘Absolute Lunacy’
This is the time of the year I thank God I’m claustrophobic. All the more reason to increase my on-line presence next year and never leave the freaking house.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND STAY OUT OF MY EFFING WAY
’A quote stolen from more than ten million shoppers.’
‘No Thanks’
Why turkey? The tradition started with the Pilgrims struggling to survive and supposedly the Indians brought them food, they had dinner together, and so it began . . . but why turkey? It could just as easily have been lobster or maybe even groundhog. I doubt seriously if I would have enjoyed a big, fat, roasted groundhog for Thanksgiving every November for the rest of my life but it could easily have happened. We could have easily combined Groundhog Day with Thanksgiving and had Punxatawney Phil as an entre.
‘This is Phil’s cousin Bill’
I guess we can blame or credit one lonesome Indian out foraging for food for our Thanksgiving tradition that ended up lasting for hundreds of years. What we haven’t been told is that he took the good food home to his family and stuck the Pilgrims with some scrawny turkey he had left over. That tradition has also created a number of cottage industries like raising turkeys by the millions for our eager consumption and all of the accompanying paraphernalia required to prepare them.
‘Bill Before’
Don’t get me wrong I like turkey well enough but as a kid it was a special meal we had only once a year. These days we eat turkey year-round and have it readily available at food stores and even some gas stations and convenience stores. Not so special anymore, at least not for me.
‘Bill After’
This Thanksgiving is a unique one for both my better-half and for me. Most of our family members are spread across the country and the ones remaining in Maine are visiting other family in northern Maine. After some discussion we determined that because it’s just the two of us this year, we can do whatever the hell we like. They’ll be no turkey this year and trust me, there won’t be any roasted groundhog or lobster either.
This years feast will consist of some traditional items such as cranberry sauce, stuffing, corn, and squash. The meat of the day has been upgraded a little as well. Picture a large standing prime rib roast dripping flavor from every pore and as tender and soft as eating marshmallows. That’s what I call a proper dinner to give thanks for. I eat turkey on an average of three times a week and won’t miss having it on the table at all.
I hope this year goes well because this is a tradition that is long overdue and that I fully support. I may miss some of the turkey leftovers but truthfully I’ll get over it. I can taste and smell that prime rib already and it’s making my mouth water. A good bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and the fixings’ and we’ll both be fat, dumb, and extremely happy.
SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN PHIL, YOU NEVER KNOW.
It’s morning, it’s daylight, it’s cold, and I’m in my toasty bed reading a little Edgar A. Poe. I occasionally fall back to the classics when I’m bored with reading my normal stuff and today is one of those days.
‘He’s got Trump Hair’
I’m not a fanatic about poetry like some, but I will read a little if and when I have time to waste. Most poetry does nothing for me since I’ve self-classified myself as an anti-poetry snob. My idea of good poetry are bawdy limericks and poetry that promotes laughter and good humor.
I have no idea why I started my day today reading some of Poe’s depressing poetic offerings. I did my very best to concentrate on his works, Spirits of the Dead, The Valley of Unrest, and it was a chore. He’s the only poet that can take something beautiful and make it seem tragic and misbegotten. Man that guy had some serious issues.
I finally gave up on Poe when I started feeling depressed and put upon by his words. I moved over to an essay by one of my all time favorites, Mark Twain, or Samuel Clemens if you insist. He was renowned for being a spectacularly glib wise ass which immediately endeared him to me. His thoughts contained in “On the Decay of the Art of Lying” are just plain funny and sarcastic. Here’s a sample:
“The saying is old that truth should not be spoken at all times; and those whom a sick conscience worries into habitual violation of the maxim are imbeciles and nuisances.” It is strong language, but true. None of us could live with an habitual truth-teller; but thank goodness none of us have to. An habitual truth-teller is simply an impossible creature; he does not exist; he never has existed.
Everybody lies – every day; every hour; awake; asleep; if he keeps his tongue still, his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude, will convey deception – and purposely. Even in sermons – but that is a platitude.
Anyone who disagrees with those statements is obviously living with their head deeply buried in the sand or deeply shoved up their ass. I’ve always been a fan of lying because lies serve many useful purposes. “Does my ass look big in this dress?”, “Of course not.’’, a beautiful, polite, required, and obvious white lie. We all have a million them and use them frequently.
Do you want me to explain lying to you when it comes to our political system and the liar that has been squatting in the “Peoples House” for the last seven years. That discussion would be totally rhetorical requiring no explanations or further conversations.
I think I could have supported Mark Twain as President only if he had the ability to select Edgar A. Poe as his Vice President. No there’s a pair that could have driven most of Congress right out of their every-lying minds. Throw in Donald Trump as Secretary of State and we’d have a unbeatable trifecta.
Enough of my musings. I’m going to roll over, hug my pillow, and say a prayer that the insanity that has had this country in it’s grip for seven years is slowly fading away. And who’s up next for the Dems but good old Hillary Clinton.
I find myself agreeing with a large block of voters in this country of both parties. We’re sick of hearing the names Bush and Clinton. To both factions, please just go away. You’ve done enough harm already and we don’t need any more.
‘Yikes”
‘OMFG Yikes Again’
I’m already on my third cup of coffee this morning and that good old caffeine buzz I’ve come to rely on has yet to rev my engines. I have a lot of errands to run today and need some serious motivation to get them all completed. The blessing is that my better-half is working which will keep her out of my hair (what little I have left) to prepare for her birthday dinner tonight. It’s difficult to get anything secret done around here and over the years she’s forced me to become even sneakier than usual.
She loves being surprised and each year that goes by it get tougher and tougher to come up with fresh ideas. I’ve purchased her a few gifts which I’m sure she’ll like because I am “The Man” when it comes to giving great gifts. As much as she likes being surprised I like doing the surprising. I can’t go into too many details because she reads this blog looking for clues. I’ve learned to be very careful in keeping important information as secret as possible.
She’s been feeling a little depressed coming into the holidays since it’s the first ones since the passing of her Mom. She’s usually a Christmas fanatic going totally bonkers with decorations and general X-mas silliness. She needs something to get her into the holiday spirit and I’m hoping we’ll have our first snowfall soon. That’s always been a kick-start for me and I think it will be for her as well. She’s also a shopping machine and quite possibly a few hours out in the crowds on Black Friday will help too.
I understand how she feels because I went through the loss of both my parents in the last eight years. My mother was a Christmas lunatic too and it’s still difficult to have Christmas and not think of her and my dad and Christmases past.
The saving grace this year will be the grandsons. Christmas has always been for the children and once the tree gets decorated and the kids come to visit, chattering on and on about Santa and reindeer, she’ll be just fine. They own her completely and a few smiles from them will make all the difference in the world. Then she’ll go crazy the last week before Christmas trying to make up for lost time which is what I’m hoping for.
Truthfully I’ve been a real Grinch for many years about Christmas but having the boys in our life is changing all that. I hope we both can find the holiday spirit once again. I’d love to have that feeling on Christmas morning like I did when I was eight years old.
It can’t get much better than that.
I’m one of those boring people who feels the need to constantly examine my life. I look at my past and judge myself, I look at my present and judge myself, and finally I look at my possible futures and judge that too. Also if I’m given the opportunity I’ll judge you as well. So not only am I a borderline addictive personality I’m a bit judgmental.
I’ve always suspected I had issues with addiction but never tried to delve into the why’s and wherefores until now. My list of addictions is long and began back when I was just an newborn infant. Here’s my list from my formative years in no particular order of importance:
Breathing
Breasts
Breast milk
Diapers
I was able to finally work through those minor addictions without the assistance of an expensive rehab program. I was well on my way to puberty where my list began to grow and become more interesting.
Breasts
Legs
Butts
Pornography
Sex
Puberty not only changed me physically but also intellectually. I understood at age thirteen that these addictions unlike my toddler list would likely become permanent. And guess what? I was somewhat correct. I resigned myself to learning to live with my addictions and to make the best of them. It was a dirty job but I stepped up and made the required personality adjustments to deal with them.
My teen years were interesting and a little frightening. My list again changed but was still manageable:
Sex
Breasts
Legs
French Blondes
Cigarettes
Beer
Pornography
College brought more changes and not all of them good. As the list increased so did my stress levels as you can plainly see:
Sex
Oral Sex
Brunettes
Blondes
Red Heads
Breasts
Beer
Whiskey
Marijuana
Wine
I learned a lot in those years but realized my life was in a rut so I dropped out of college and enlisted in the Army one step ahead of the draft board. This began another long, interesting, and scary adventure. Once more my list expanded a bit:
Sex
Oral sex
Oriental Women
Black Hair
Whiskey
Coffee
Cigarettes
Beer
Marijuana
Speed
Adrenaline
Wine
I returned home a few years later, much wiser and a much less addicted person. I was able to rid myself of many of my stupid addictions over the next two decades. Here are the final results after many years of really hard work:
Any Sex
Breasts
Coffee
Reading
Photography
Computers
Chocolate
Wine
Exercise
As you can see most of the exciting addictions in my life have slowly faded away. They were fun while they lasted but were discarded when they became dangerous or harmful. I’m now a much wiser and more boring person and I have to admit as I sit here quietly judging myself, I miss some of them a lot.
My list is certainly smaller but less dangerous and easily managed now. I expect this final list will remain with me forever.
The only addiction that stayed with me from infancy to the present day are “Breasts”. There’s no rehab programs to help me deal with them and I’m pretty happy about that. So thanks again Mom for the one lifelong addiction I’ve enjoyed the most and will continue to enjoy until the lid slams shut. I’d love to see the 12 step program for that addiction.
I know one thing for sure, I’d never miss a meeting.
Today feels exceptionally uninteresting. It’s a little blah, a little gray, and a little cold which means I’m suffering from a total lack of interest. I was just advised by my better-half that I’d be spending the better part of this day being dragged along on her shopping safari. Thank God I recharged my Kindle last night so I’m now good to go. That means I get to sit in the car and read while she shops.
If I use my head and offer up a little charm I might just convince her to buy me some sort of breakfast. I have a serious need for bacon and I need it right now. I swear it’s a worse addiction than cigarettes or coffee. It’s maybe the only thing that keeps these shopping forays bearable for me.
This blog needs a bit of a breather from stories about my life and times. Today I’ll supply the world with a few really useless but possibly interesting tidbits of information. It’s been a while since I’ve dished out a dose of these factoids and today’s the day. Here we go . . .
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The average American two-car garage is 25 percent bigger than the average Tokyo home.
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The European Union exports more to Switzerland than to China.
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During the first year of the Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union, the Red Army issued 800,000 death sentences to it’s own soldiers.
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The first year in which there was no recorded lynching of a black American was 1952.
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There were 658 suicide bombings around the world in 2007 – more than double the number in any of the previous twenty-five years. Afghanistan and Iraq were responsible for 542 of them.
I didn’t say that all of the factoids would be funny or uplifting because life on this planet leaves a lot to be desired at times.
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In 1976, the United States had 30 percent of the world’s college students. By 2006, that had dropped to 14 percent.
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Intel employees collectively send or read 3 million emails a day.
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The Mafia accounts for 7 percent of the Italian GDP, more than any single business.
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There are as many fake doctors practicing in India as real ones.
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The average male orgasm lasts eight seconds, the average female orgasm twenty seconds.
I guess that last one explains a lot of things. Women not only orgasm longer but get to have multiples as well. That’s just unfair.
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In the United States, adult bookshops outnumber McDonald’s restaurants three to one.
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Napoleon often masturbated before going into battle.
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Red Bull is illegal in Norway, Denmark, and Ireland.
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In 2007, twenty-four people killed themselves jumping under Paris Metro trains. On the New York City Subway the figure was twenty-six, and on the London Underground fifty.
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Men produce twice as much saliva as women.
I think that’s enough for today. I wouldn’t want you to overdose on all this useless stuff. It’s Sunday, watch some football, drink a beer or two, eat some nacho’s and belch like you have a pair. That’s what I call “a day of rest”.
HAPPY SUNDAY
“I will never forget.” is the extent of my comments for today on all of the 9/11 anniversary coverage. I have no need to write paragraph after paragraph about that day or to show any of the many horrific photographs. “I can’t and won’t ever forget.”
For too many years of my life I’ve wasted time fretting about politics and inept politicians. I’ve allowed myself to become upset and irate about how this country has slowly eroded many of our civil and human rights without a second thought. With the new presidential campaign beginning it’s time for me to bury my head in the sand and go into seclusion from it all.
I see nothing that interests me. It’s more of the same idiocy, the Clinton’s, the Obama’s, and the Bush’s. All we need is for someone to throw in a couple of Kennedy’s and we’ll finally have completed our time travel back to the 1960’s.
I’m one of the many citizens who’ve lost faith in our politicians as well as the American voting public. Any group of people, large or small, who are gullible enough to vote for an obvious anti-American to a second term as president deserve exactly what they get. This country has been in decline since the arrival of the Obama’s who’ve done nothing to stop it, if anything, they’ve accelerated it. Now the Democrats want Joe Biden to step in and attempt a third Obama term. The way things are going in this country he’ll probably get elected and the media will convince everyone it’s a huge mandate. Then he can become the scapegoat that can then be blamed for the downfall of the United States as a superpower. Turn out the lights people the effing party’s almost over.
I’ve finally eliminated from my life the constant barrage of political propaganda, both Republican and Democrat, that’s being spewed from millions of televisions across the country every day. I’ve also stopped listening to the radio which has become just as bad as television, if not worse. I’m done with it all.
My late father always told me that my vote meant something. I’m glad he didn’t live long enough to see what happening to this country . . . it would have killed him. The individual vote means nothing any longer because the political parties have successfully separated the citizens into small and diverse groups based on any number of differences. They play the blacks against the whites, the whites against the blacks, the heterosexuals against the gays, the blacks and whites against the Hispanics, and even the religious against the non-religious. We now have Red states against Blue states which helps keep everyone arguing and fighting on stupid social issues that mask all of the games that the political elite love to play. It’s become almost impossible with all of the factional infighting to elect a president with a majority of the popular vote.
So I hope you’re all prepared for the browbeating and propagandizing that’s coming your way for the next year. Let me know how it’s going from time-to-time if you can because I’m tired of trying to do the right thing and having it thrown back in my face. I’m tuning out just like the powers-that-be want me to do. They’ve won the battles and they’ve won the war. By disenfranchising us citizens they can continue to rule as they please without interference from the “great unwashed”.
HAPPY DAYS
‘Star Trek – Original Series’
I just finished watching a documentary thanks to Netflix that was filmed by the son of the late, great Gene Roddenberry. If you’re not aware and have been living in a cave somewhere, Roddenberry was father of Star Trek. His son claimed he was trying to discover who his father really was because they hadn’t been close. It seemed to me he was just using his late father’s fame just one more time to get his face on the big screen. Everyone needs their fifteen minutes of fame I guess and he’s using his to whine about his Daddy issues. Typical father and son issues that we’ve all dealt with in one form or another but without the capability or need to air it publicly.
‘Star Trek– Next Generation’
Let me give you my qualifications for the remarks I’m about to make. Unlike Gene Jr. I was a sci-fi nerd before he was even a twinkle in his father’s eye. It began for me when my mother’s birthday gift for my eighth birthday was painting the walls and ceiling of my bedroom with planets, rocket ships, and stars. My bedroom was "Outer Space" to me before Star Trek was even a dream. For me that sci-fi nerdiness has grown over the years until I’m what you see before you now, an older and wiser sci-fi geek who is damn proud of it. I loved Star Trek because it brought many of my childhood space fantasies to life.
‘Star Trek – Deep Space Nine’
The documentary in question was a nostalgic trip down memory lane for me where I got to listen and meet once again the heroes of my youth. Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Bones, Scotty, Sulu and on and on and on. I loved the interviews with the cast from the Next Generation series which I always thought was the best of them all.
‘Star Trek – Voyager’
It took me back to my visit to a motel in Philadelphia many years ago while on a boring business trip. The trip was a last minute one and I was hard pressed to find a motel room in the area I was visiting. At the last minute I finally booked a room (a rather expensive one I might add) and arrived at the motel just after dark to check in. Little did I realize that the motel was hosting a rather large Star Trek convention and I was the only guy around not in costume. As I walked through the lobby in my nice suit and tie what did I see but three Romulans, two Klingons, and one fairly hot and green Orion slave girl.
‘Star Trek – Enterprise’
Truthfully I was thrilled but I definitely was the odd man out. I was advised by the desk clerk that my room had been given away to a large group of Klingons who all wanted to stay together in one wing of the motel. I was then upgraded to a beautiful suite that had a huge and gorgeous Jacuzzi right in the middle of the room. I changed my clothes and returned to the bar to check things out and to buy a few rounds for some of the visiting aliens? I heard more Klingon spoken in that bar in one night than all of the Star Trek episodes ever made. It was just the coolest thing ever.
‘Klingon Sweethearts’
I was in nerd heaven but little did I know it was going to get even better. One of the last things I remembered was being in that scalding hot Jacuzzi at 3:00 am with two rather naked Klingon chicks and one Vulcan bitch who was no fun at all. They filled me up with some sort of Klingon drink (they claimed) that tasted suspiciously like tequila, a treat from the Mexican side of the Klingon Empire. It truly was a night to almost remember.
I confess that I’m a gigantic geek who remains loyal to all things Star Trek and always will.
NERDS MAY RULE THESE DAYS BUT US GEEKS GET THE KLINGON CHICKS
I just returned from the UPS Store where I dropped off the last of the equipment to be returned to the Dish Network. I wanted to make sure I mailed them as quickly as possible because their veiled threats of future penalty charges were wearing thin. I now have my receipt in hand and they can go find someone else to screw with. The only chore I have left is to remove that attractive satellite dish from the front of my house. I may be forced to repurpose that dish for further use because I have hundreds of birds in the area who’d appreciate another place to bathe. SEEYA DISH!
Today’s posting will be a lot of useless whining but I need to vent before my head explodes. Yesterday was Windows 10 day here at my house. What a huge pain in the ass that turned into. Two of my computers were eligible for the free upgrade and since I’ve always disliked Windows 7 and absolutely hated Windows 8.1, I was ready for the change. That old adage of “Be careful what you wish for” always seems to remain relevant.
My desktop was first up and should have been an indicator of where I’d be heading for the remainder of my day. The desktop was a Windows 7 unit and while the upgrade was over and done with in thirty minutes it created other problems. Anyone who knows anything about computers also knows that a Microsoft upgrade means additional problems. My desktop is located in a basement office a fair distance from the router. It always had a bar and a half on the wi-fi meter and that was sufficient to operate on the Net. After the upgrade I no longer could connect to to my home network. What a shock! (Sarcasm on) My final solution to the damn problem was either to buy a range extender or move my office elsewhere. More money down the drain for an range extender making my free upgrade not so free . . . add $90.00.
Then I began the conversion of my laptop that was running Windows 8.1. A handful of error messages and four hours later and it was finally done. A nice quick Microsoft fix. (more sarcasm) I let you know in a week or so just how stupendous Windows 10 is or isn’t. I’m not holding my breath.
I’ve been attempting in the few years to fight the powers-that-be to regain some control over my life. I dumped Time Warner because they were big fat liars and then signed up with Dish Network. Then after the first year at Dish they turned into the little brother of Direct TV and started jacking up their prices. They seem to think they have the moral high ground because they lie a little less than Direct TV. It’s a small difference to those of us who are the screwee’s (my made up word).
A few years ago I went through the same process with the cell phone carriers. It never seems to end with these companies who appear to have the government regulators in their pocket. They have us by the throat in a government regulated death grip and they never stop squeezing. Network upcharges, surcharges, taxes, fees, and anything else they can think of. “Land of the Free” has no meaning for me any longer.
The golden rule, "Do unto others what you want them to do unto you”, has always been meaningful but I think it now needs a bit of rewording.
“Shut the hell up, bend over, and like it.”
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