This will be a short and sweet posting today. Spring/Summer has arrived with a huge bang now that the weather has turned warmer. Family obligations come first since they’re mostly about the grand kids anyway. Last evening my better-half and I attended our first little league ballgame to support our grandson. This is a league for 7–9-year-old future all-stars and it’s a real hoot to watch these kids as they try to figure the game out. Most barely know how to swing a bat, let alone having enough arm strength to throw a ball to a base. It’s getting them on the field and teaching them the beginnings of playing as part of a team. This is baseball at its absolute best. There were about 20 kids in their fabulous new T-Shirts, a host of moms and dads and brothers and sisters, and about ten million effing mosquitos to drive us all insane. That visit will keep us both in the good graces of grandson #2.
Grandson #1 will be taking the field in a day or so in a league of older kids. I can’t wait to see him at bat since I was his unofficial batting coach in his younger days. More fun baseball, more black flies, and more mosquitos. Being a baseball fan and a grandparent is almost a full-time job and we both love it.
Unfortunately, the blog will suffer a bit. I may miss a few days here and there but hopefully not too many.
Just sitting here this morning with three layers of clothes on and my feet still feel like blocks of ice. We decided to turn off the heat two weeks ago to save a few bucks when we thought “Spring had Sprung”, but we should’ve known better. Wrong again. Never let it be said that Maine doesn’t fail to deliver on crappy weather. So here I sit at my computer with my little space heater preparing to supply you with some straight facts you didn’t know you needed to know. Here they are . . .
The world’s oldest surviving recipe is a formula for making beer. It was discovered outside Baghdad in 1850 on a 3800-year-old Sumerian clay tablet.
A fetus acquires fingerprints by the end of the first trimester.
In 2003, the personal fortune of JK Rowling, best-selling British author of the widely popular Harry Potter books, surpassed that of the Queen of England.
Voltaire, the French philosopher, novelist, and ardent atheist, once held up the Bible and proclaimed, “In 100 years this book will be forgotten, eliminated.” Less than 50 years after his death, the Geneva Bible Society bought his house in order to produce and distribute Bibles.
You can in fact get cooties. Cooties are lice.
George Clooney once vowed never to remarry or have children, but Michelle Pfeiffer and Nicole Kidman each bet $10,000 that he’d be a father by age 40. On Clooney’s 40th birthday (May 6, 2001), the actresses conceded defeat and sent their checks. Clooney returned their money, betting double or nothing that he wouldn’t have any kids before turning 50.
Cigars are called “stogies” because pioneer drivers of Conestoga covered wagons made in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, preferred the long, cheap cigars available in that region. Over time, “Conestoga” was shortened to “stogie.”
The term “What in tarnation!” derives from the expression “What in eternal damnation!”
The percentage of American men who say they’d marry the same woman if they had to do it all over again: 80%. The percentage of American women who say the same: 50%.
There are 2,598,960 possible hands in Texas Hold ‘Em.
Let’s start this silly post with another really stupid headline. I’ve always wondered how much the headline writer’s get paid and are they ever fired for these kinds of mistakes. They probably never get fired; they’re usually promoted to Editor.
COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
Let us move onto another of my favorite categories, Retro Bumper Stickers. I’m pretty sure my better-half still has the second one on her current car.
YOU! Out of the gene pool!
Don’t Drink and Drive – You Might Spill Your Beer.
As always, I like throwing a quote into the mix. Here’s a pearl of wisdom from Coco Chanel, one of the hottest women ever (in her 20’s & 30’s).
Her Best Look!
“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”
And last but not least, an honorable mention to another of our favorite stupid criminals.
NOT ALL THERE
Oklahoma City – Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer. The Assistant District Attorney said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, “I should have blown your [expletive] head off.” The defendant paused, then quickly added, “-if I’d been the one that was there.” The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence.
Now that Mother’s Day has come and gone, let’s look into something a bit more musical. Everyone seems to love music of one sort or another, so why don’t we all try to enjoy some music related limericks.
The title of the post tells you everything you need to know. I love wordplay, making puns, finding palindromes, and using words that are rarely heard anymore. Word play can be fun and here are a few fun facts for your files.
Do you know how to tell the difference between morons, imbeciles, and Idiots? Morons – IQ 51 to 70, Imbeciles – IQ 26 to 50, and Idiots – IQ 0-25.
The words tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous are the only four words in the modern English language that end in “dous”.
There are no words that rhyme with orange.
If “off” means to deactivate, what happens when the alarm goes off?
Dr. Seuss is credited with the first use of the word “nerd” in print, from his 1950 book If I Ran the Zoo.
The word “Mountweazels” concerns spurious entries or fake words used to catch copyright cheaters.
The term “Tattarrattat” was coined by James Joyce in his novel Ulysses for a knock on the door. It also happens to be the longest palindrome in the Oxford English Dictionary.
“The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep is sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
These six words have no accepted singular forms. Pajamas, Shorts, Jeans, Tights, Trousers, and Glasses.
“Floccinaucinihilipilification” is the longest real word (29 letters) in the Oxford English Dictionary.
I’ll keep searching for more of these and as I find them, I’ll post them. Language can be fun in so many ways. How cool is it to use the language properly to insult some clueless person who insists on irritating you and them not realizing what you meant.
Poetry is an enigma to me. I wouldn’t know good poetry if my life depended on it and even the bad poetry that I sometimes see doesn’t sound so bad. Anything that confuses me like that makes it impossible for me to take it too seriously. After a recent Bad Poetry Post, I received a few e-mails with samples from some of my readers. I assume they sent them because they thought they were bad, I don’t really know, so you figure it out. I think the first one was sent to me because I’m from Maine and someone thought I might be interested in Moose poetry. Good luck with that one. Here it is . . .
A moose is like a bull on stilts With a silly kind of head. And if one of them sat on you You’d probably be dead.
Do you really think that’s bad poetry? It seems okay to me but nothing special. It’s a little bit of truth with a little bit of silliness. Here’s the next one which I really don’t understand about a Toad. It’s a little weird but kind of funny. It seems more like a limerick than poetry but when you get right down to it there isn’t much of a difference.
The story that is told By a severely flattened toad, Is of evidential failure In attempts to cross the road.
This next poem hits home for me primarily due to my advanced age and secondly because it brings back memories of my favorite grandmother who passed away a very long time ago. See what you think.
💖
Of love and marriage who can say, which way these things can go. A loving wife, a shrieking hag, no one will ever know.
The years of youth have come and gone, with memories good and bad. The happiness of family, the love of mom and dad.
The years should teach you something, or so we’re always told. Remain yourself no matter what, and mellow when your old.
Your life is filled with happiness, and sorrows big and small, But not until your old and gray, will you understand it all.
It is a shame that through the years, this knowledge lies unused. Erring and blundering again and again, with help and advice refused.
So, think about the elder ones, grandmothers, grandfathers and such, Who’ve experienced life’s many problems, and could help you oh so much.
Their days are few in number, and once their gone it’s sad. Accept their help and listen close, to the experiences that they’ve had.
And when they’ve gone, you’ll think of them the way they used to be. The memories are all you have, but that’s enough you see.
I’ve been a history buff for most of my life. I would prefer to sit in a corner and read a book on history than just about any other topic except for science fiction. Unfortunately, many historical facts that were being taught in the school systems weren’t exactly accurate. Here are a few examples.
LIZZIE BORDEN
Lizzie Borden’s verdict was not guilty.
The first shots of the US Civil War were not at Fort Sumter South Carolina. On January 9, 1861, a battery of Confederate soldiers on Morris Island, South Carolina – cadets from the Citadel Military College fired 17 shots at the Star of the West, a civilian union steamship hired by the federal government to transport military supplies and reinforcements to Fort Sumter. Three months later is when the Confederate army fired on the South Carolina Fort.
The feminists did not burn their bras but wore them. The closest thing to bra burning happened at the 1968 Miss America pageant. On September 7, 1968, protesters of the pageant filled a “freedom trashcan” with bras, girdles, false eyelashes, men’s magazines, and other items they considered instruments of torture. Some people wanted to burn the items, but they were unable to obtain a burn permit.
President Lincoln’s first choice to lead the union armies was not General Grant but Robert E Lee, who rejected his offer because of his loyalty to Virginia.
President Andrew Jackson was called Old Hickory because of his walking stick.
George Washington’s false teeth were not made of wood but of hippopotamus and elephant ivory held together with gold springs. Real human teeth and bits of horse and donkey teeth were inserted into an ivory plate. By the way, his dentures are on display in the Smithsonian Institution’s National Museum of History and Technology.
GEORGE’S TEETH
Contrary to the image of Daniel Boone popularized by actor Fess Parker on TV, the real Daniel Boone didn’t wear a coonskin hat, which he thought looked uncivilized. Instead, he wore a beaver felt hunters’ hat, a wide brimmed, Pennsylvania-style hat, which resembled the hat depicted on a box of Quaker Oats.
DANIEL BOONE
Just when I thought I had a good handle on our history I stumbled upon hundreds of items that needed clarification. I’ll send along more in the future because the more I find the more interesting they become.
No matter what day of the week or month of the year, there’s always time for some of Mr. Asimov’s finely crafted limericks. These will tend to be a bit more off-color than the ones I usually post so keep your kids and prudish spouses clear. This is a really good way to kick off your week. Here we go . . .
As most of you already know I am a lover of trivia. I’ve been collecting trivia and books on trivia for as long as I can remember. Most trivia are fun and interesting and humorous but not today. Today’s trivia is a little more scary than usual but trivia, nonetheless. I thought mixing it up a bit might catch your interest quicker than just another ‘trivial trivia list’. Let’s get started . . .
FOODS
Peanut allergies afflict an estimated 4 million Americans and can be life-threatening. Almost half of annual emergency room visits and two thirds of deaths due to anaphylaxis are the result of peanut allergies.
A medium fruit-and-yogurt smoothie at Dunkin’ Donuts contains four times as much sugar as a chocolate frosted cake donut.
One in five office coffee mugs contains fecal bacteria and E. coli, which can cause diarrhea, food poisoning, and infections.
Almost 99% of imported food is never inspected by the FDA or the USDA, two agencies responsible for protecting Americans from tainted products.
Long a staple of the American diet and the US economy, corn is a high-carbohydrate, high-glycemic food that fattens up cattle and does the same to humans who consume it in excess.
DRUGS
The United States has only 4% of the world’s population but consumes 65% of its supply of hard drugs.
About 14 million Americans fit the criteria for alcoholism or alcohol abuse.
Smoking causes acute myeloid leukemia, as well as cancer in other areas of the body, including the bladder, mouth, larynx, cervix, kidneys, lungs, esophagus, pancreas, and stomach.
Among women, cigarette use correlates with level of education. Smoking estimates are highest for women without traditional high school diplomas and lowest for women with college degrees.
Caffeine is more addictive than marijuana.
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
10% of the U.S. states now spend as much money or more on corrections than on higher education.
Misidentified eyewitness testimony was a factor in 77% of DNA exoneration cases, making it the leading cause of wrongful convictions in the United States. In 40% of the cases, cross-racial identification was a factor. Studies show that people are less likely to recognize faces of a different race, making race a factor in wrongful convictions.
By law, all citizens must take a bath at least once a year in Kentucky.
I’ll be following up on this list within the next couple of weeks because I have an abundance of interesting trivia about just any topic you can think of. I promise to pass along as much as I can as soon as I can.
everyuselessthing.com 