It’s been a long week of limericks and I’ve had my fill. I enjoyed the week immensely but it has had it’s drawbacks. I still find myself at odd hours of the night and early morning lying in bed thinking about how to rhyme words. Then I start mentally composing my own limericks and it’s driving me a little nuts. Todays post should help me to clear all of those limerick cobwebs from my brain. Her we go . . .
“To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not
that it is, is false, while to say of what is that it is,
and of what is not that it is not, is true.”
(Aristotle)
I feel better now that Aristotle has explained things for me.
In the Jurassic Park movies. the fierce Velociraptors are about as tall as an adult human. In real life, however, they were only as tall as a turkey.
Confucius has more than three million living descendants.
Pablo Picasso, the influential Spanish cubist, wasn’t breathing when he was born in 1881. His face was so blue that the midwife left him for dead. One of his uncles revived him by blowing cigar smoke up his nose.
From the 1300’s to the 1600’s, the heads of England’s slain enemies – including William Wallace and Thomas More – were displayed on London Bridge.
The first recorded mastectomy was performed in A.D. 548 on Theodora, Empress of Byzantium.
The word “hooch” comes from the Hoochinoo Indians of Alaska. They made a liquor so strong it could knock a person out.
Spoons were such a rare novelty in Elizabethan England that wealthy aristocrats would bring their own folding spoons to fancy banquets.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
Here is a riddle found inscribed about 3500 years ago on a stone slab. It’s mainly for my better-half who should have no problem coming up with the correct answer.
In your mouth and your urine, constantly stared at you,
I pride myself on having a huge and varied collection of limericks as you well know. Most of them are very old with the identity of the writers long forgotten. For the next two weeks I’ll be highlighting some of the more famous limerick writers with samples of their work. Most were well known poets, writers, and authors. Some of their limericks will be off-color and a bit sexual so I recommend that younger children be monitored. Over the next two weeks you’ll be introduced to some of histories best limerick authors. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.
The first thing I’d like to do is give you a short history lesson on limericks because they’ve been around a lot longer than you might think. The first known limericks appeared in the early 18th century and they just happened to be written in French (and they weren’t called limericks then). Around that same time the Irish Brigade was serving in France (1691 to 1780). The short poems were eventually imported to Limerick, Ireland where their current name originated. Edward Lear 1812-1888, initially wrote many rather mild limericks. It wasn’t until the Victorian Era that the citizenry seized upon the limerick as a way to vent as many four-letter words as possible, much to the delight of young schoolboys. It seems that the bawdiest limericks of that time tended to be written by the British. A few samples of Lear’s tamer limericks will be featured in my next post in two days.
Here is a sample a moderately bawdy limerick of the era:
💥💥❤️💥💥
Said a widow whose singular vice
Was to keep her dead husband on ice,
“It’s been hard since I lost him.
I’ll never defrost him,
Cold comfort, but cheap at the price.”
❤️❤️❤️
My next post will be an introduction to Edward Lear who authored many limericks over many years.
I realize that it may be a little too early to be posting on this subject but what the hell. Every year I tease myself by listing a number of resolutions for the new year. My success rate leaves much to be desired but occasionally I actually DO complete a few. I’m posting early because my rate of success this year has been dismal. I’d blame some of it on my better-half who just completed her first year of retirement. To say she’s been a huge distraction is an understatement – goodbye to my wonderful days of PEACE & QUIET. Here’s my list for 2025 and all my lame excuses.
Read at least 100 books by years end(more if possible). If I finish reading my current book by years-end I will have read only 88 books. FAILED
Complete at least four illustrations for use as gifts for next Christmas. COMPLETED
Complete one sculpture using a technique I haven’t used before.FAILED – Due to my total lack of interest and laziness. Maybe this coming year I can get it done.
Show more patience to my better-half’s retirement adjustments.COMPLETED – I’ve shown more patience than ever before but I have a long way to go to satisfy her.
Attempt to write some serious poetry that’s worth reading.FAILED – Completed a few poems and a couple of limericks but I wasn’t happy with the less than adequate results.
Continued monitoring of the grandsons for new and exciting cuss words.COMPLETED – This may have been the easiest one to complete. It’s official, and thanks to day care, school, and some family adults the “F-Bomb” has been released. I’m so proud!!
Continue to ignore all of the weird and bizarre health tips from the Internet.COMPLETED – Thanks to all you internet experts and your misguided and incorrect medical BS.
My final tally was disappointing – 4 of 7 completed. I still have a few weeks to give a great deal of thought for my resolutions for 2026. It’s good to set goals even if you’re reasonably certain they won’t all be met.
Now that Christmas has come and gone once again, things can get back to abnormal. The holidays are always stressful no matter how well you prepare and I discovered early in life that bringing a group of family members together is fraught with danger and the likelihood of old personality disputes’ becoming a real possibility. Fortunately this year we successfully avoided that sort of nonsense. My better-half and I are now kicking back and trying to relax a little as I’m sure you are as well. Todays post is just what this blog is all about – EVERYUSELESSTHING. This is an easy way for me to relax, collect my thoughts, and continue on to the next holiday, on that never-ending list of #@%!*% holidays. Welcome to my post-Christmas MISH/MOSH.
Former Beatles drummer, Ringo Starr, was the original narrator of the children’s television show, Thomas the Tank Engine.
During mating season, lions can have sex dozens of time every day. (I’m so jealous.)
Beavers’ butts taste like vanilla, “Kinda sorta”, since their anal glands secret a substance used in the manufacture of artificial vanilla flavorings. (Yum!)
An ostrich can easily kick a human to death.
Catherine the Great had an entire room in her palace that contained erotic furniture emblazoned with penises and vaginas. (My queen!)
The lighter was invented before the match. It was created in 1823 and called Dobereiner’s Lamp. Friction matches were not invented until 1826.
When you perform an action, neurons fire in your brain. Those same neurons fire when you’re watching someone perform the same action.
The Heimlich Maneuver wasn’t invented until the 1970’s. Henry Heimlich published the first paper on it in 1974.
Phobophobia is suffered by a person who is afraid of fear.
Pope Gregory IX once declared black cats to be the incarnation of Satan resulting in the killing of an unknown number of cats. Unfortunately they weren’t available to then help control the rat population which may have contributed to the spread of the Black Death. (Religious zealot: My opinion)
Over the years many readers who I assumed were somewhat religious, have asked me what my religious beliefs are. Many think I’m anti-religion but in truth I’m not. I’m anti-organized religions. Religions have their usefulness and have accomplished many wonderful things but at the same time organized religions have also been responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people and that’s where I have a serious problem. Organized religions are much like the old labor unions. They served their purpose for decades but then became corrupted (in my opinion) by politics and MONEY. They’ve morphed into political money making machines by actually demanding a percentage of our hard earned money for doing little or nothing for us. Everyone agrees there’s only one God but unless your worshipping that god in their specific way your considered by some to be anti-religion or an infidel.
We are approaching what was once a highly religious holiday season that has been rearranged to include “Black November sales, Black Friday sales, a steady stream of Amazon ads, plus hours and hours of mind-numbing commercials. The only people worshipping anything these days are the millions of scammers, porch pirates, and the occasional actual religious person.
Let’s review for a moment the history of humanity as applied to their weird and confusing religious beliefs. In my opinion our new god is the almighty dollar. Which one of these religions would be a good fit for you and your family?
In Thailand there is a religious group who worship the almighty penis. Their shrine is crammed full of phalluses of all types and sizes. They are gaily painted and hung with garlands of flowers. Many women claim miracle pregnancies after making a pilgrimage to the shrine.
Apparently in India they believe you should go big or go home. In the state of Karnataka there is a 100 foot high penis and a incredible collection of over eight million penises.
The Japanese have a shrine at Kanamara Matsuri, where the yearly penis festival is held on the first Sunday of April. People parade through the streets with pink penises in hand and they even supply penis shaped lollipops for their children.
In India has a “Cargo Cult”. The locals worship Prince Philip as a divine being. It started in the 1950’s and continues to this day. I guess we should add him to the endless list of saviors along with Jesus Christ and Mohammad.
Doll worshipers exist in Mexico where there is a shrine containing a fifty year collection of dolls.
There is a Daoist Shrine to “Lady Datuk” in Singapore who was a young girl found dead in the hills during WWI.
In 2005 a man named Bobby Henderson started an alternative school in the United States called the church of the “Flying Spaghetti Monsterism”. The religion went viral.
There is cat worhipping in a number of countries.
The list of possible religions just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Don’t forget L. Ron Hubbard who started the infamous Scientology religion. My final conclusion is that the Humans Race is insane. We are stupid, vain, and insecure but still consider ourselves to be highly religious. Make your choice of a belief system very carefully. When you get to the Pearly Gates to be judged you might be surprised to discover that St. Peter is just a giant pink penis with a pet cat.
☯️🕎✡️✝️☪️
AMEN (and Merry X-mas) TO ALL OF YOU INSANE AND INSECURE HUMANS
I’m sitting here looking out the window and watching our first snowfall of 2025. If their estimate proves accurate we’ll have 7-10 inches by morning. From listening to the experts it does appear this may be the start of one helluva bad winter. I’m well prepared with a full can of gas, a working snowblower, and a desire to go play in the snow a little. If you’re in the same predicament then sit back in your warm and comfy chair to enjoy some interesting and varied trivia facts. Here we go . . .
Leonard Skinner was the name of the gym teacher of the boys who went on to form the band Lynyrd Skynyrd. He once told them “You boys will never amount to nothing.” The band’s front man, Ronnie Van Zant, decided to adopt the name but change the spelling, as a joke on his former teacher.
Richard Gere’s middle name is Tiffany.
Goldie Hawn’s career as an actress-comedienne was launched after she was spotted as a dancer in the chorus line on The Andy Griffith Show in 1966.
Keith Moon of the band, The Who, inspired the Muppet drummer Animal.
Under the Motion Picture censorship code, which was effective from 1934 to 1968, a screen kiss could only last 30 seconds before being labeled “indecent.”
In the early episodes of Start Trek, Dr. McCoy’s medical scanner was just an ordinary saltshaker.
The blood in the famous shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho was in fact Hershey’s chocolate syrup.
A snake has the best heat-detecting equipment in nature. Using the two organs between its eyes and nostrils it can locate a mouse by its body heat at a distance of 15 miles.
In a survey of 80,000 American women it was found that those who drank moderately had only half the heart-attack risk of those who didn’t drink at all.
When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop – including the heart.
🏃♂️🏃♀️🏃♂️
Here’s one of my Fav’s. If your a true fan of the Olympics you’ll love it too.
Nudity was considered perfectly acceptable in ancient Greece, but it was declared indecent if a man revealed an erection.
Today is the perfect day as we sit around waiting for the bird to be cooked for a “Foodie Quiz”. These questions are all related to food and drink in some fashion or another. I suppose if we could answer six of these ten incredibly difficult questions we would be considered something of an “foodie” expert. As always the answers will be listed below.
The father of what American poet invented peppermint Life Savers?
How many pounds of roasted, ground coffee does one coffee tree produce annually?
What product did Mother Nature personally endorse in a television commercial, and who played the role?
How tall was celebrity chef Julia child’s?
How many lemons does the average lemon tree yield per year?
❤️THE CAFFEINE MACHINE❤️
What is Bombay duck?
What American city lead all others in per capita consumption of pizza in 1990?
How long would a 130 pound person have to walk at a leisurely pace to burn off the calories in a McDonald’s Big Mac?
How much money did American Airlines claim it saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each of the salads served in first-class?
A pound of ground coffee yields 50 cups. How many cups does a pound of tea yield?
BIG MAC ATTACK
This is my favorite since I’m an avid fan of ice cream and a so-so fan of religion.
How did the ice cream sundae get its name?
❤️YUM, YUM, YUM!❤️
Answers
Hart Crane son of Clarence, Just one, Chiffon Margarine; Dena Dietrich played Mother Nature, 6’2″, 1500, Dry, salted fish, Milwaukee, Two hours and 1 minute, $40,000, 200, **My Fav: The sundae was created in Evanston, Illinois, in the late 19th century to get around a Sabbath ban on selling ice-cream sodas. It was dubbed Sunday but spelled with an “e” instead of a “y” to avoid religious objections.
It’s been a miserable few days trying to get my systems back into operation. After four days I can finally return to the blog. It will probably take me another few weeks before things return to abnormal. This post will concern quotes from prominent people about politics. It seems to be all the rage nowadays so I decided to get on board with all of the other wackos. Here goes nothing . . .
My Quote of the Day
“Technology is a queer thing. It brings you
great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you
in the back with the other.”
(C. P. Snow)
“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.” Oscar Ameringer
“No man should be in public office who can’t make more money in private life.” Thomas Dewey
“The cardinal rule of politics – never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.” J.R Ewing (Dallas)
“Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.” John F. Kennedy
“One fifth of the people are against everything all the time.” Robert Kennedy
🤞🤞🤞
“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there’s no river.” Nikita Krushchev
“Socialism is workable only in heaven, where it isn’t needed, and in hell, where they’ve got it.” Cecil Palmer
With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law, it’s a joke.” Will Rogers
“My choice early in life was to be either a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, There’s hardly any difference.” Harry Truman
“If God had been a liberal, we wouldn’t have had the Ten Commandments – we’d have the Ten Suggestions.” Malcolm Bradbury
👌👌👌
THANK GOD ONLY ONE OF THEM CAN WIN!
(Bumper sticker from the Kennedy-Nixon campaign in 1960)
These facts may appear to be BS but they are not. They were researched and compiled by Shane Carley who is also obsessed with weird but true facts.
The first leader of an independent Chile was Irish.
The Hundred Years War actually lasted 116 years.
The Austrian army once mistakenly attacked itself. The Battle of Karansebes resulted in losses of up to 10,000 soldiers when one Austrian regiment mistook another for the enemy.
Surprisingly, the U.S. state closest to Africa is not Florida – it’s Maine.
President Richard Nixon had a speech prepared just in case Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin died on the moon.
The people of Loss Angeles were so accustomed to light pollution that when an earthquake caused a blackout in 1994, many citizens called observatories to ask about the weird lights in the sky. They were the stars.
Early astronaut toilets were so bad that feces sometimes floated through the space capsule.
Believe it or not as far as official records are concerned, no one has ever had sex in space.
Marijuana and the hops in your beer come from the same plant family.
You can generally tell the color of a chickens eggs by the color of its ears.
As recently as 2004, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration permitted the production and marketing of maggots for limited use as a “medical device”.
The Declaration of Independence was written on animal skin.
Taking into consideration the upcoming holiday season. Christmas was originally banned in the American colonies.
Jackie Mitchell, the first (and only) female player in Major League Baseball, once struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig in consecutive at bats.
Hall of Fame MLB pitcher Hoyt Wilhelm hit a home run in his first MLB at-bat. He never hit another home run over the remainder of his 21 year career.
Everyone at one time or another has a bad day or a bad week or a bad year. When your in one of these ruts it’s sometimes difficult to pull yourself out of it. Todays post is meant to inspire the readers and to lift their spirits a little. I hope it works for you!
“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.” Helen Keller
“Keep your eyes on the stars, keep your feet on the ground.” Theodore Roosevelt
“I never remember feeling tired by work, though idleness exhausts me completely. Arthur Conan Doyle
“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you got a put up with the rain.” Dolly Parton
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein
“Don’t give in! Make your own trail.” Katharine Hepburn
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” Margaret Thatcher
“One of the things I learned the hard way was it does not pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.” Lucille Ball
Even if you’re on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
“When written in Chinese, the word “crisis” is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.” John F Kennedy “
And finally one of my favorites:
Rules for Living
“Do not worry, eat three square meals a day, say your prayers, be courteous to your creditors, keep your digestion’s good, and steer clear of biliousness, exercise, go slow and go easy. Maybe there are other things that your special case requires to make you happy, but, my friend, these, I reckon, will give you a good life.” Abraham Lincoln
everyuselessthing.com 