Being a former police office was an eye-opening experience. Your life is a constant challenge when dealing with criminals, domestic violence, and hundreds of other petty and sometimes stupid crimes and incidents. My first year required that I ride with a more experienced officer who would further explain the job and the handling of the many different types of incidents. Even back then I maintained a diary of sorts for unusual cases and unforgettable moments. It also was extremely handy to have that book as reference material when appearing in court. I always referred to it as my Cover-My-Ass diary. It would eventually be replaced many years later by the bodycam. The veteran officer also explained to me his philosophy on law enforcement very quaintly. “If it wasn’t for the stupid criminals, we’d never catch anyone.” He meant it tongue-in-cheek, but it was also true in many cases. Here are a few tidbits I’ve saved from my old files and additional research.
Two men once tried to pull off the front of an ATM machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper.
An Arizona company specializing in staging gunfights for western movies, received a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was later sentenced to four years in jail.
A man had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted as passengers. The judge ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.
A judge decided that a jury went “a little bit too far” in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a parked motor home, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very ill man curled up next to the motor home near a puddle of spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal the gasoline but plugged his hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.
A drug-possession defendant claimed he had been searched by police without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn’t need a warrant because a “bulge” observed in his jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said the defendant, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it to the judge who discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering the US from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves if checked by border agents, while the truck actually concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not too bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.
A defendant was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week. The store manager testified that he was indeed the robber. The defendant jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, “I should have blown your [expletive] head off.” He then quickly added, “-if I’d been the one that was there.” The jury took 20 minutes to convict him and recommended a 30-year sentence.
Another freezing cold day here in Maine. I don’t feel as bad about it as I normally do because I can spend my day watching videos of the folks down south enjoying the snow with their families. My favorite so far came out of south Louisiana where the roads had been closed to car traffic. One genius soul braved the snow squalls and rode down the main street of his town on a swamp air boat. Too cool for school! Today’s quiz will be about artists, a favorite topic of mine. Answers will be listed below.
The “Gibson Girl” made famous by artist Charles Dana Gibson, was what woman?
Fulton, Missouri, has a thirty-two-foot sculpture titled “Breakthrough“. What cold war relic does it commemorate?
If you wanted to see a lot of paintings of dogs, what midwestern city would you visit?
What famous female painter started painting because her fingers had become too stiff for embroidering?
What great artist signed his pictures with a sketch of a butterfly?
What great French sculptor’s works are featured in a Philadelphia Museum?
Grant Woods famous painting, American Gothic shows a farm couple, with the man holding a pitchfork. What relation are the man and woman?
What huge outdoor sculpture was created by Gutzon Borglum?
What president’s much visited statue in D.C. was sculpted by Daniel Chester French?
Californias most famous cemetery has several large reproductions of famous religious paintings. What is the cemetery?
Answers
Gibsons wife, The Berlin Wall, St. Louis’s Dog Museum, Grandma Moses, James Whistler, Rodin famous for “The Thinker“, Father and Daughter, Mount Rushmore, The Lincoln Memorial, Forest Lawn in Glendale.
Well, it’s 2025 and I’m off to a good start. I’ve completed my New Year’s resolutions and thrown a little poetry your way. Not too bad for the first week of a new year. Since it’s freezing cold here in Maine and I’m stuck in the house and becoming a little disgruntled with this winter weather, I thought some morbid historical celebrity trivia was needed. Here ‘s the quiz . . .
What colonial patriot, author and inventor is buried at Christ Church in Philadelphia? Ben Franklin
What twentieth century president was born, raised, and buried in Hyde Park, NY? FDR
What famous pioneer and scout has his home and grave located in Taos, New Mexico? Christopher “Kit” Carson
What much loved western comedian’s home, birthplace, and grave can be visited in Claremore, Oklahoma? Will Rogers
Samuel Wilson’s grave is in Troy, NY. What U.S. symbol was he the original of? Uncle Sam
What is unusual about the large bust of Abraham Lincoln located near his grave? His bronze nose is very shiny because so many visitors rub it for luck.
What nickname for an Iowan resident honors the Sauk Indian chief Black Hawk? Hawkeye
What notable achievement of Thomas Jefferson’s life did he not mention when he created his own tombstone? President of the United States
Who is buried in Grants Tomb in Manhattan? Mrs. U.S. Grant and her husband.
I was really disappointed with my terrible showing on the 2024 New Years resolutions. Barring any unforeseen catastrophes I hope to do much better in 2025. I admit that my bout of laziness during those warm summer months didn’t help. I just had too many distractions!
*** HERE THEY ARE FOR 2025***
Read at least 100 books by years end(more if possible).
Complete at least four illustrations for use as gifts for next Christmas.
Complete one sculpture using a technique I haven’t used before.
Show more patience to my better-half’s retirement adjustments.
Attempt to write some serious poetry that’s worth reading.
Continued monitoring of the grandsons for new and exciting cuss words. (Minimum of 1)
Continue to ignore all of the weird and bizzare health tips from the Internet. (This one is too easy.)
I plan on being more serious about completing the resolutions this year. I’ve always set goals for myself for most of my life with a great deal of success. This will be a lot more fun because the only person looking over my shoulder these days will be ME!
There are times that self-reflection can be a dangerous and disappointing endeavor. As you get older you will tend to spend a great deal of time reviewing your life. If you’re a truthful person (at least to yourself) you may discover a number of things that aren’t all that wonderful. I thought for most of my life that I was quite the romantic. I was never going to be a Don Juan, but I thought I was able to hold my own in that department. I’ve finally came to the realization that I may have been mistaken. After all my years of reading, writing, and talking with thousands of people, it finally became clear that I was somewhat lacking in that area. Today’s post is a short collection of poetry by some well-known people whose romantic writings put mine to shame.
By Franz Kafka, “From A Letter to Milena Jesenska”
I am just walking around here between
the line (of my letter), under the light
of your eyes, in the breath of your
mouth as in a beautiful happy day.
❤️❤️❤️
By Lorrie Moore, 1957
Need: Something to lift you from your boots
out into the sky, something to make you like
little things again, to whirl around the
curves of your ears and muss up your hair
and call you every day.
❤️❤️❤️
By Elizabeth Jennings, 1916, from “Absence”.
It was because the place was just the same
that made your absence seem a savage force.
For under all the gentleness there came
an earthquake tremor: fountains, birds
and grass were shaken by my thinking
of your name.
❤️❤️❤️
By Ralph Waldo Emerson, from “Thine Eyes Still Shined.”
I’m a lover of all things historical. I’m always on the lookout for books and reference material concerning not just the history of the United States, but of the world. Like it or not the history of the world in its entirety is much worse than this country ever has been. Here are a few examples of that history.
The Olympic Games of 1916, scheduled to be held in Berlin, were cancelled due to “global unpleasantness.” Thats just another world for WWI.
The medical officer at the Birmingham prison in 1918 recommended that any condemned men be supplied with at least a dozen cigarettes a day.
In 1920, King Alexander of Greece, uncle of the Duke of Edinburgh, died after being bitten by a pet monkey.
In 1921 in Russia, while reporting on the famine, Arthur Ransome found an old woman so desperate for food she was reduced to cooking horse dung in a broken saucepan.
In 1923, Coco Chanel set the trend for tanning when, on a Mediterranean cruise, she inadvertently allowed herself to go brown in the sun. The fashion world immediately assumed it was the chic thing to do.
In 1927 during a London run at the Little Theatre, an adaption of Dracula, caused 29 people to faint requiring a nurse to be on hand at all showings.
In 1936 during his brief period as king, Edward VIII once avoided an awkward interview by jumping out a window in Buckingham Palace and running away to hide in the garden.
In 1938 having just returned from Munich and bringing “peace for our time”, Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain requested an update on the long-tailed tits nesting in the Treasury building.
Well, it’s New Years Eve once again. This was a fun holiday when I was in my teens and twenties but these days not so much. I never really understood what the big deal was and still don’t. It’s just a day and night made for drinking, carousing, and avoiding sobriety check points. I hope none of you become victims of that stupidity and cause an accident that may harm yourself and others by drinking and driving. In my years as a police officer, I made a point of not working on this holiday. I took the day off and then occasionally drank too much, caroused too much, and got really stupid. I managed to survive but only just.
This year I’m housebound and safe from the fits of holiday stupidity. Please be safe . . . and not too stupid. I wouldn’t want to be reading about any of you on “the day after”. Let me bring a few smiles to your lips before you decide to begin your celebration by taking a little trip to the 1980’s for some occasionally rude and hilarious humor.
If the shrimps come in on a shrimp boat, how do the crabs come in? On the captain’s dinghy.
Why did Miss Piggy miss her last concert? She had a frog in her throat.
What happens when you moon in bumper-to-bumper traffic? You wind up with your ass in a jam.
What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a skinny girl? The counterfeit bill is a phony buck.
What’s the definition of a real lady? Someone who doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, and only curses if it slips out.
Why did they name the new feminine hygiene spray SSY? Because it takes the PU out of pussy.
What happens when a guaranteed condom breaks? The guarantee runs out.
What’s 138? Dinner for four.
When do you know you’ve had the world’s best head? You have to pull the sheet out of your ass.
What’s the difference between frustration and panic? Frustration is the first time you find out you can’t do it the second time, and panic is the second time you found out you couldn’t do it the first time.
As you are all aware collecting strange facts and stories is my life. It was also a hobby of one of my favorite writers, Isaac Asimov. I’ve mentioned him many times through the years because he was not only a prolific writer but a huge collector of obscure information. Today’s post will be information he collected about the deaths and actions of some interesting individuals. You need to remember that while he collected a lot of information, he was also a big history buff as well. Much of his information concerns people well-known from many years ago. See what you think.
The city morgue in the Bronx, New York, has been so busy at times that next of kin are required to take numbers like they’re in a bakery and then wait in line for their body identification call.
Through the door and windows, would-be assassins poured 73 bullets into Leon Trotsky’s bedroom in his fortresslike house in Mexico City. Thanks to a moment’s warning, Trotsky and his wife escaped unscathed by hiding under the bed. Later in the same year, which was 1940, Trotsky was slain by one man, using an ice pick, who worked himself into the confidence of the old Russian revolutionary. The assassin went by the alias Jacques van den Dreschd, but his true identity remains unknown to this day.
Someone maliciously shouted “Fire” at a copper miners Christmas party in Calumet, Michigan, in 1913. Panic ensued and 72 lives-mostly children’s-were lost.
Calumet Fire Disaster
Stephen Decatur, US naval hero of the Tripoli campaign and of the war of 1812, was challenged in 1822 to a dual by a fellow officer, Commodore James Baron, who was seriously nearsighted. To accommodate his opponent, Decatur agreed to exchange shots at only 8 paces. The duel began and Baron then killed him.
Francis Bacon (1561-1626), The Elizabethan champion of the scientific method, died in pursuit of a better way of preserving food. He caught a severe cold while attempting to preserve a chicken by filling it with snow and later died.
George Eastman (1854-1932) was born poor and had little chance for schooling. Thanks to the profit of the company he founded, Eastman Kodak, he was able to contribute over $100 million to various educational institutions. Eastman committed suicide rather than spending his last years in loneliness and without the prospect of further accomplishments.
President Garfield Assassination
Alexander Graham Bell devised a metal locating tool to help find the assassin’s bullet in President James Garfield in 1881. The capture device was workable, but didn’t work on this occasion because no one had thought of removing the steel spring mattress the president was lying on. Metal, it turned out, interfered with the devices search. The unsanitary methods used in attempting to locate the bullet caused infection to spread throughout Garfield’s body and he died shortly thereafter.
Here are the final words of a favorite: Oscar Wilde
Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone it’s time to get back to the basics of what this blog is all about, “Every Useless Thing”. To quote an authority, Bertrand Russell, “There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.” Since I totally agree with that statement, I really don’t need to say much more except enjoy this collection of useless knowledge.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The herb nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
Volleyball is the most popular sport at nudist camps.
The buttons on a man’s jacket cuff were originally intended to stop manservants from wiping their noses on the sleeves of their uniforms.
Watching TV uses up to 50% more calories than sleeping.
On average, a drop of Heinz tomato ketchup leaves the bottle at a speed of 25 miles per year.
At any given moment, there are some 1800 thunderstorms somewhere on planet Earth.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven times.
Pollen lasts forever.
20% of the people in the whole history of mankind who have lived beyond the age of 65 are alive today .
Six out of every seven gynecologists are men.
Strawberries have more vitamin C than oranges.
If a pack-a-day smoker inhaled a weeks’ worth of nicotine, they would die instantly.
I thought today I’d make a quick comment about some of the responses I received to my Inappropriate Humor dirty jokes post. For those of you out there that don’t read everything, that’s why I rated the post an “R”, and I put warnings in the graphics to keep it out of the hands of kids or the blind, dumb, and stupid non-readers. It never occurred to me that there were adults out there who would respond to humor like a bunch of babies. So, to all of you prudes out there, just get over it. If you don’t like what I post, stop reading the blog and go elsewhere. You won’t be missed.
This post is filled with pearls-of-wisdom posted at one time or another by that very famous writer and philosopher, Anonymous. Celebrities and politicians are forever looking for soundbites to get little attention, but Anonymous could care less about offending anyone. Here are fifteen quotes you may enjoy but if your one of the overly sensitive minorities I recommend you leave my blog now and go read the Bible . . . .
“Churches welcome all denominations, but most prefer fives and tens.“
“And an optimist is someone who thinks the future is uncertain.“
“There are few problems in life that wouldn’t be eased by the proper application of high explosives.“
“Physics lesson: When a body is submerged in water, the phone rings.“
“Is sex better than drugs? That depends on the pusher.“
“Until I get married, I was my own worst enemy.“
“Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.“
“There is nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won’t aggravate.“
“Christmas is Christ’s revenge for the crucifixion.“
everyuselessthing.com 