I’ve noticed in recent years that many people are questioning the value of a college education. I agree with that but not entirely. If you’re majoring in a useful subject that will help improve your life and that of society – DO IT! If your majoring in some lame-ass course that teaches you to spot acne forming on the asses of transgendered people – JUST STAY HOME. I’m a college grad who majored in Design and Commercial Art and I’ve never held any job even remotely related to it. Todays blog entry is proof that college degrees and college education are only as good as the student permits them to be. These items are called “malaprops” (meaning “inappropriate”) misstatements taken from actual high school and college exam papers. Sadly, they’re all true. Read on …..
Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
Pharoah forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw.
Moses led them to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
Christmas is a time for happiness for every child, adult, and adulteress.
Good punctuation means not to be late.
Don’t is a contraption.
Adam and Eve wore nothing but figments.
Columbus discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.
The first book of the Bible is the book of Guinesses.
And last but not least My Fav.
If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, a proverb is a pronoun used in place of a verb.
I realize that it may be a little too early to be posting on this subject but what the hell. Every year I tease myself by listing a number of resolutions for the new year. My success rate leaves much to be desired but occasionally I actually DO complete a few. I’m posting early because my rate of success this year has been dismal. I’d blame some of it on my better-half who just completed her first year of retirement. To say she’s been a huge distraction is an understatement – goodbye to my wonderful days of PEACE & QUIET. Here’s my list for 2025 and all my lame excuses.
Read at least 100 books by years end(more if possible). If I finish reading my current book by years-end I will have read only 88 books. FAILED
Complete at least four illustrations for use as gifts for next Christmas. COMPLETED
Complete one sculpture using a technique I haven’t used before.FAILED – Due to my total lack of interest and laziness. Maybe this coming year I can get it done.
Show more patience to my better-half’s retirement adjustments.COMPLETED – I’ve shown more patience than ever before but I have a long way to go to satisfy her.
Attempt to write some serious poetry that’s worth reading.FAILED – Completed a few poems and a couple of limericks but I wasn’t happy with the less than adequate results.
Continued monitoring of the grandsons for new and exciting cuss words.COMPLETED – This may have been the easiest one to complete. It’s official, and thanks to day care, school, and some family adults the “F-Bomb” has been released. I’m so proud!!
Continue to ignore all of the weird and bizarre health tips from the Internet.COMPLETED – Thanks to all you internet experts and your misguided and incorrect medical BS.
My final tally was disappointing – 4 of 7 completed. I still have a few weeks to give a great deal of thought for my resolutions for 2026. It’s good to set goals even if you’re reasonably certain they won’t all be met.
Now that Christmas has come and gone once again, things can get back to abnormal. The holidays are always stressful no matter how well you prepare and I discovered early in life that bringing a group of family members together is fraught with danger and the likelihood of old personality disputes’ becoming a real possibility. Fortunately this year we successfully avoided that sort of nonsense. My better-half and I are now kicking back and trying to relax a little as I’m sure you are as well. Todays post is just what this blog is all about – EVERYUSELESSTHING. This is an easy way for me to relax, collect my thoughts, and continue on to the next holiday, on that never-ending list of #@%!*% holidays. Welcome to my post-Christmas MISH/MOSH.
Former Beatles drummer, Ringo Starr, was the original narrator of the children’s television show, Thomas the Tank Engine.
During mating season, lions can have sex dozens of time every day. (I’m so jealous.)
Beavers’ butts taste like vanilla, “Kinda sorta”, since their anal glands secret a substance used in the manufacture of artificial vanilla flavorings. (Yum!)
An ostrich can easily kick a human to death.
Catherine the Great had an entire room in her palace that contained erotic furniture emblazoned with penises and vaginas. (My queen!)
The lighter was invented before the match. It was created in 1823 and called Dobereiner’s Lamp. Friction matches were not invented until 1826.
When you perform an action, neurons fire in your brain. Those same neurons fire when you’re watching someone perform the same action.
The Heimlich Maneuver wasn’t invented until the 1970’s. Henry Heimlich published the first paper on it in 1974.
Phobophobia is suffered by a person who is afraid of fear.
Pope Gregory IX once declared black cats to be the incarnation of Satan resulting in the killing of an unknown number of cats. Unfortunately they weren’t available to then help control the rat population which may have contributed to the spread of the Black Death. (Religious zealot: My opinion)
I’ve been posting quite a few quizzes in recent months with some truly difficult answers. Todays quiz is a general knowledge quiz from the 1960’s and the answers should be somewhat easier to remember unless you were a teenager during that time. Drugs will do that to anyone’s memory. As always the answers will be listed below.
Which Academy-Award winning film about two misfits was originally rated X?
What Nobel Prize winning author shot himself to death in 1961?
What animal did the Yippies run for president in 1968?
What disastrous military maneuver did the US back in 1961?
What was the center piece of the Seattle World Fair?
TWIGGY
What London street rose to prominence in the fashion conscious 60’s?
Which member of the Kennedy family survived the crash of a small plane?
What was the better-known name of the decades most famous model, Lesley Hornby?
What was the fourth nation to detonate a nuclear bomb?
Complete this anti-war chant, Hell, no . . .”
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🥎My Required Baseball Item🥎
Name the two Yankee baseball players who chased Babe Ruth’s homerun record in 1961?
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Answers
Midnight Cowboy, Ernest Hemingway, A Pig, The Bay of Pigs invasion, The Space Needle, Carnaby, Ted Kennedy, Twiggy, China, . . . we won’t go!, Roger Maris & Mickey Mantle.
Over the years many readers who I assumed were somewhat religious, have asked me what my religious beliefs are. Many think I’m anti-religion but in truth I’m not. I’m anti-organized religions. Religions have their usefulness and have accomplished many wonderful things but at the same time organized religions have also been responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people and that’s where I have a serious problem. Organized religions are much like the old labor unions. They served their purpose for decades but then became corrupted (in my opinion) by politics and MONEY. They’ve morphed into political money making machines by actually demanding a percentage of our hard earned money for doing little or nothing for us. Everyone agrees there’s only one God but unless your worshipping that god in their specific way your considered by some to be anti-religion or an infidel.
We are approaching what was once a highly religious holiday season that has been rearranged to include “Black November sales, Black Friday sales, a steady stream of Amazon ads, plus hours and hours of mind-numbing commercials. The only people worshipping anything these days are the millions of scammers, porch pirates, and the occasional actual religious person.
Let’s review for a moment the history of humanity as applied to their weird and confusing religious beliefs. In my opinion our new god is the almighty dollar. Which one of these religions would be a good fit for you and your family?
In Thailand there is a religious group who worship the almighty penis. Their shrine is crammed full of phalluses of all types and sizes. They are gaily painted and hung with garlands of flowers. Many women claim miracle pregnancies after making a pilgrimage to the shrine.
Apparently in India they believe you should go big or go home. In the state of Karnataka there is a 100 foot high penis and a incredible collection of over eight million penises.
The Japanese have a shrine at Kanamara Matsuri, where the yearly penis festival is held on the first Sunday of April. People parade through the streets with pink penises in hand and they even supply penis shaped lollipops for their children.
In India has a “Cargo Cult”. The locals worship Prince Philip as a divine being. It started in the 1950’s and continues to this day. I guess we should add him to the endless list of saviors along with Jesus Christ and Mohammad.
Doll worshipers exist in Mexico where there is a shrine containing a fifty year collection of dolls.
There is a Daoist Shrine to “Lady Datuk” in Singapore who was a young girl found dead in the hills during WWI.
In 2005 a man named Bobby Henderson started an alternative school in the United States called the church of the “Flying Spaghetti Monsterism”. The religion went viral.
There is cat worhipping in a number of countries.
The list of possible religions just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Don’t forget L. Ron Hubbard who started the infamous Scientology religion. My final conclusion is that the Humans Race is insane. We are stupid, vain, and insecure but still consider ourselves to be highly religious. Make your choice of a belief system very carefully. When you get to the Pearly Gates to be judged you might be surprised to discover that St. Peter is just a giant pink penis with a pet cat.
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AMEN (and Merry X-mas) TO ALL OF YOU INSANE AND INSECURE HUMANS
After another week of computer problems, calls to software companies, and idiot non-English speaking customer service representatives, I finally have an 75% operational computer system. I’ve always loved working with computers but I came close this week to taking a sledge hammer to the whole damn setup. After I did that I would put a truly evil curse on every software company that has turned their customer service over to AI’s. I count my blessings that I can even complete this blog today but I will try. How about some meaningless sports trivia?
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MISSPELLED CUP
The Stanley Cup has two typos engraved on it. “BQSTON BRUINS, TORONTO MAPLE LEAES” and a number of misspelled players names as well.
The Olympics have been hosted by multiple countries that no longer exist: West Germany, Yugoslavia, and the USSR.
There is a minor league baseball team called the Montgomery Biscuits with a logo of a biscuit with bulging eyes and butter for a tongue.
A wok isn’t just a cooking implement but can also be a sled. So says the Wok World Championship group. Teams of players in modified woks race down bobsled tracks.
During the 1903 MLB season, pitcher Ed Doheny won 16 games and was then committed to an asylum for the “criminally Insane” where he remained for the rest of his life.
CAL RIPKEN
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Pete Rose was banned from baseball by MLB Commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti.
Between 1982 and 1998 (16 years) Cal Ripken Jr. never missed a single Baltimore Orioles game.
Legend has it that Hall of Fame baseball player Wade Boggs once drank 107 beers in one day while traveling with the team.
NFL safety, Ronnie Lott, broke his pinky finger during a game. To avoid leaving the game he directed the team doctor to cut it off.
MLB Manager Alvin Dark once said, “There’ll be a man on the moon before pitcher, Gaylord Perry, ever hits a home run. Perry hit his first home run less than an hour after Neil Armstrong said his famous words.
It’s been a miserable few days trying to get my systems back into operation. After four days I can finally return to the blog. It will probably take me another few weeks before things return to abnormal. This post will concern quotes from prominent people about politics. It seems to be all the rage nowadays so I decided to get on board with all of the other wackos. Here goes nothing . . .
My Quote of the Day
“Technology is a queer thing. It brings you
great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you
in the back with the other.”
(C. P. Snow)
“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.” Oscar Ameringer
“No man should be in public office who can’t make more money in private life.” Thomas Dewey
“The cardinal rule of politics – never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.” J.R Ewing (Dallas)
“Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.” John F. Kennedy
“One fifth of the people are against everything all the time.” Robert Kennedy
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“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there’s no river.” Nikita Krushchev
“Socialism is workable only in heaven, where it isn’t needed, and in hell, where they’ve got it.” Cecil Palmer
With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law, it’s a joke.” Will Rogers
“My choice early in life was to be either a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, There’s hardly any difference.” Harry Truman
“If God had been a liberal, we wouldn’t have had the Ten Commandments – we’d have the Ten Suggestions.” Malcolm Bradbury
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THANK GOD ONLY ONE OF THEM CAN WIN!
(Bumper sticker from the Kennedy-Nixon campaign in 1960)
Unfortunately this blog will be temporarily delayed. I became a victim to an unwelcomed virus which truly screwed up my computer and scrambled my software as well. When repairs have been investigated and repaired I SHALL RETURN.
As a lifelong lover of baseball this years World Series was incredible. I felt somewhat bad for the Canadians but such is life on the diamond. Sometimes you win and sometimes you don’t. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see the same two teams again the Fall Classic sooner rather than later. As I’ve said many times, I’ve loved baseball my entire life thanks to my father. Because of my love affair with baseball I frequently post funny stories about the history of the sport. There are hundreds of facts and back-stories being told almost constantly but todays post concerns seven incredible stories that will blow your mind. Enjoy!
Cleveland Indians pitcher Bob Feller and Minnesota Twins outfielder Denard Span have something odd in common: Both hit their mothers in the stands with a foul ball. Feller hit his mom in 1939 and broke her collarbone; Span hit his mother during a spring training game in 2010. Fortunately both moms made full recoveries.
From 1936 to 1946, Hall of Famer Joe “Flash” Gordon played exactly 1000 games for the New York Yankees. In that time, he had exactly 1000 hits.
Breaking Babe Ruth’s home run record will never be forgotten: It happened in the 4th inning of the 4th game of 1974, when the Braves’ Hank Aaron, #44, hit a homer off the Dodgers Al Downing, #44.
In the 1960s, Kansas City A’s owner Charlie Finley installed a mechanical rabbit that popped up out of the ground behind home plate to deliver new baseballs to the umpire. Finley wanted the rest of the owners to install a rabbit as well, but none did.
In 1957 the Philadelphia Phillies’ Richie Ashburn fouled off a ball that hit a fan named Alice Roth in the face, breaking her nose. As she was being carried away on a stretcher, Ashburn fouled off another pitch which hit her again. The two later became good friends.
In 1876 a pitcher named Joe Borden of Boston hurled the first no-hitter in the history of the National League. But Borden couldn’t leave well enough alone. Soon after the game he changed his style of pitching and began to lose his stuff. Borden went steadily downhill, and by the end of the season he was no longer a pitcher – he was the club’s groundskeeper.
William “Brickyard” Kennedy was a good pitcher for Brooklyn before the turn-of-the-century, but he had a terrible temper. On July 31, 1897, Brickyard and Brooklyn were locked in a tight game against the Giants. Kennedy was having his troubles with umpire Hank O’Day. Finally O’Day called a close decision against Brickyard, and the hot tempered pitcher was so enraged that he threw the ball at the umpire. The ball missed its target, but there were runners on base. O’Day called the ball in play, and one runner scored before the catcher could get to the ball. Brooklyn lost the game, 2-1.
The can opener wasn’t invented until nearly 50 years after the can itself.
If there are twenty-three people in a room, there is a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday. This is what statisticians call “The Birthday Paradox”.
Human beings landed on the moon before inventing wheeled suitcases.
A majority of Canadians live south of Seattle.
Astroglide Lube was originally supposed to be a space shuttle coolant.
The Cornish word for “breath” is “anal.”
The letters in “eleven plus two” can be rearranged to spell “twelve plus one.”
Some people are afraid of gravity. (Barophobia).
“Phobophobia” is a real thing. It’s sufferers are afraid of fear.
The vibrator was originally invented as a medical device. Orgasms were believed to be able to cure many medical ailments.
My Favorite
Cornflakes were originally developed to suppress the urge to masturbate. The Kellogg brothers were deeply religious and believed that the food would help their brethren suppress the urge to pleasure themselves.
everyuselessthing.com 