Today’s post will be short and sweet. I was drawn back into the arms of medical community this week with blood work and a CT scan. I sure haven’t missed that hospital, that’s for certain. I pissed away my entire day today being passed from one room to another and poked and prodded by a new group of strangers.
This was the beginning of my last (hopefully) quarterly scan. If the cancer remains in remission, I’ll be looking forward to a twelve-month period of being doctor-free as well. Next week’s two visits will tell the tale. The Oncology department will be tearing apart the results of these tests to give me a final determination on the cancer. I’m keeping my fingers crossed as you can imagine. Here’s two appropriate medical limericks to end this lovely effing day.
Approximately 10 years ago I posted a list of 100 things that I hated. At the time I was criticized for being a little too harsh about certain people and certain things. Now that I look back on it that was probably a valid criticism, but times have certainly changed. I found that original list few days ago stored in a directory on my computer that I’d forgotten all about. After reviewing it again I decided to make some changes because after my last two horrible years my attitude has changed quite a bit, mostly for the better. I can honestly say that all those years ago I shouldn’t have used the word Hate. I’ve rereviewed the list and pared it down to just forty things that really annoy and aggravate me. Here it is . . .
1. Stupid People
2. Rosie O’Donnell
3. Dirty Fingernails
4. Criminals
5. Funerals
6. Backward Baseball Caps
7. Large Groups of People
8. Dumb Cashiers
9. Stinky Feet
10. Night Farts
11. Bugs Crawling on Me
12. Terrorists
13. Know-It-Alls
14. Hospitals
15. Oprah Winfrey
16. Will Ferrell
17. Fake Fingernails
18. Smell of Urine
19. Women Missing Teeth
20. Political Correctness
21. Liberals
22. Drug Users
23. Clowns
24. Organic Food
25. Liars
26. Dirty Toilets
27. Roadside Death Shrines
28. Jehovah Witnesses
29. Fake Boobs
30. Ass Kissers
31. Stinky Breath
32. Wet Farts
33. Ugly Feet
34. Jeans with Holes
35. Arrogant People
36. Noisy Radios
37. Texting While Driving
38. Granny Panties
39. Penis Caught in Zipper
40. Ex-Wives
I will admit one thing after doing all of this editing. There are five things on this list that I really do hate but I’m not going to specify which ones. You be the judge. Make up your own list and then find those few things that really make you crazy. Then match it against my list and you should be able figure out my five.
As you may have guessed, I’ve been around a while and my memories go back many years. I survived the 60’s and 70’s with only minor damage and tried desperately to forget everything about the 80’s and 90’s. The new millennium was a big letdown, and it still remains just that. This little ditty was written in 1978 or there abouts. I was smoking a lot of Weed in those days so I’m not entirely sure about the exact date. Take a trip back with me.
❤THE GENERATION GAP❤ Your Dis’n me, I’m Dis’n you, It’s all just Greek to me. It’s wicked hot, she’s wicked cool, I’m wicked confused you see.
I thought our slang from years ago was a cool and groovy thing. We’d rap all night about far-out stuff and what the future might bring.
Peace Man! Protest marches, and on into the night. We’d smoke some weed and drink some beer, it’s what made everything alright.
Stop the war! Kent State Revenge, was what we thought was cool. Pass the beer, we can crash over here, so, we’re a little late for school.
To mix and match the old and new really must be done. To help prepare for whatever new and the nonsense that’s sure to come.
I received this list many years ago from a very close friend. Where he came by it, I don’t have a clue. Someone obviously put a great deal of thought into it, and I guess that’s a good enough reason for me to pass it on. Do I agree with everything on it, NO WAY! But again, it’s not just about me. It’s a bit of a long read but you never know, you might find a pearl of wisdom or two in it.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
-Eat plenty of whole rice. -Give people more than they expect and do it willfully. -Learn by heart your favorite song. -Don’t believe anything you hear and do not sleep as much as you would like to. -When you say, “I love you”, say it truthfully. -When you say, “I’m sorry”, say it with eye contact. -An engagement period of 6 months is crucial before marriage. -Believe in love at first sight. -Never mock others’ dreams. -Love deeply and passionately. You may get hurt, but this is the only way to live life to the fullest.
-Deal with discontentment, fight fairly but do not offend. -Do not judge others because of their relatives. -Talk slow, think fast. -When someone asks you a question you do not want to answer, smile and ask: “Why do you want to know?” -Remember that the greatest love and the greatest successes also hold many risks. -Call your mom. -Bless a person who has just sneezed. -When you lose, do not lose the lesson. -Remember: Respect for yourself, respect for others and responsibility for your actions. -Do not allow a small disagreement to hurt a great friendship.
-When you notice you have made a mistake, take the appropriate steps in order to correct it. -Smile when you answer the phone. Those who call can “hear” your smile. -Marry the person you love talking to the most. When you get old, conversation will be important more than anything else. -Spend some time alone. -Accept change with open arms; yet do not give up your values. -Remember that sometimes, silence is the best answer. -Read more books and watch television less. -Live a good, honorable life. Later, when you grow old and remember the past, you will enjoy them once more. -Believe and trust god, whomever / whatever you conceive God to be, but securely lock your car. -An atmosphere of love at your home is most important. Do all that you can in order to create a calm home full of love.
-Do not bring back the past. -Read in between the lines. -Share your knowledge. It is the way to live forever. -Be gentle with our Earth planet. -Pray. Prayer has incredible power. -Never interrupt someone who flatters you. -Take care of your problems. -Do not trust a man or a woman who do not close their eyes when you kiss them. -Once a year, visit a place you never did before. -If you make a lot of money, channel it so as to help others while you are alive. This is the greatest satisfaction a treasure can reward you.
-Remember that sometimes, not getting what you want is being very lucky. -Learn all the rules, and then break some. -Remember that the greatest relationships are the ones in which the love between two people is greater than the need one has of the other. -Judge your success in light of what you had to give up in order to obtain it. -Relate to love and to the kitchen completely.
Well, it looks like winter is finally fading away. What does that mean to most of us? Warm weather and lots of sports. Today I want to combine your love of sports with my love of limericks. Here are four limericks concerning golf and baseball. Enjoy!
I’ve been called a sarcastic SOB more times than I can count, and those comments came from friends and family. Here are a few excellent examples of sarcasm for those of you who are sarcastic and those of you who wish you could be so absolutely wonderful. Enjoy!
Conservative – Someone who hates liberals because they have, at least once, seen themselves naked.
Hangover – A condition that makes figuring out who is next to you in bed this morning take anywhere from 5 minutes to a lifetime.
Indictment – Something that has been handed down every 20 minutes since roughly 1986.
In-law – A person who has the right to tell you how to live your life conferred upon him or her by marriage.
Rent – A monthly occurrence that demonstrates how readily one can get blood from a stone.
Slacker – A term that attempts to draft an air of coolness onto being a lazy bastard.
Slut – A vexing example of the inherent sexism still running rampant in our society, slut is a word for which there is no male equivalent; and certainly not one that even comes close to implying the same level of skankiness.
Swearing – Use of profanity. A vulgar and coarse way of expressing oneself that comes in really handy for everything from bumping one’s head to ending a long-term relationship.
Implants – Things that even when you discover are fake, somehow doesn’t really matter.
Hallmark – A company that has made untold millions off the fact that it’s a bitch to come up with something nice to say about the people you love.
Grandparents – A couple of old farts who have decided to give you all the unconditional love they quite obviously withheld from your parents.
Daughter – One’s female descendent. Fated to grow up and leave you for some worthless douche bag.
Commitment – 1. The act of binding oneself to a specific path, usually as regards a relationship with a romantic partner. 2. Consignment to a mental health facility. 3. There may be no difference between one and two.
Chaos – A state of extreme disorder. Captured perfectly in nature by the contents of a woman’s handbag.
Chaste – Morally pure; decent. A quality known in the dating scene as a waste of your time and effort.
“A truly great man is ever the same under all circumstances; and if his fortune varies, exalting him at one moment and oppressing him at another, he himself never varies, but always preserves a firm courage, which is so closely interwoven with his character that everyone can readily see that the fickleness of fortune has no power over him.”
In my years of working in corporate America, I made it a point to read his writings, especially “The Prince”. I couldn’t have survived as long as I did without it. Machiavelli has always had a bad name and to be “Machiavellian” is to be totally unscrupulous and cunning. But one thing most scholars are in agreement about: however bad his influence may have been, the real Machiavelli was not the wicked figure of popular tradition.
I thought today we might talk a little bit about food and drink. Just a little bit of trivia concerning some of our favorite consumables and some not so favorite. Don’t read this before you eat your lunch, it might put you off a little bit.
To make 1 pound of honey, bees must tap an average of 2 million flowers and fly more than 50,000 miles.
In ancient times oranges, not apples, were known as the” Fruits of the Gods”.
Some fast-food hamburgers are made of only 12% meat.
More than 45% of Americans eat fast food once a week.
To burn the calories consumed while eating a McDonald’s Big Mac, large fries, and a large soda, you must walk briskly for seven straight hours.
The US FDA allows pizza sauce at fast food restaurants to contain a maximum of 30 fly eggs per 100 grams, or 15 fly eggs and one maggot per 100 grams.
Each day McDonald’s feeds more people than the entire population of Spain.
Worcestershire sauce is created by dissolving the whole anchovies in vinegar, until the bones melt.
Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries.
Honey is the only natural food that does not rot. Theoretically honey could sit for 1 million years and remain completely edible.
On average there are more than 1200 calories in movie theater popcorn if you include the butter topping. That’s the equivalent of the calories in one pound of baby back ribs or two McDonald’s Big Macs.
M&Ms are the top-selling candy in the United States. Second is Reese’s peanut butter cups and third is the Snickers bar.
In China, the most popular use of ketchup is as a condiment for fried chicken.
The French government banned ketchup in its primary schools in 2011, fearing it would encourage children to develop Americanized taste preferences.
No more than two rodent hairs, or 29 gnawed kernels, can be shipped in a pound of popcorn.
everyuselessthing.com 