Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
How do you classify yourself? Many people identify themselves as being a “Child of the 60’s” of a “Child of the 70’s” or whatever. I’ve never actually figured out what I am. My childhood years were in the 50’s but I’ve always felt like a “Child of the 60’s” but also at times like a “Child of the 70’s”. I guess I’m more than a little conflicted. I enjoyed each of those decades to their fullest and each means as much to me as the others. That being said I can state emphatically that I’m not a child of the 80’s, 90’s, or God forbid the twenty-first century. Those born and raised during those years have my sincerest sympathies.
I realize that many of the readers of this blog identify with those years but do they really. Let’s take this short quiz to help answer at least one question, are you really a “Child of the 80’s” or not?
Take a look at this list. If you can identify with more than half of them, you are a child of the 80’s.
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You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off".
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You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer".
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You were only cool if you hung out at the Roller Rink and actually knew how to skate.
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You can sing the McDonald’s Big Mack Filet-o-Fish, quarter pounder, French Fry song while jump roping.
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You wore 3-8 different colored socks in layers and thought that the more you could wear the cooler you were.
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You know who Mr. T is.
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You actually believed for a minute that K.I.T. (The night rider) actually was real.
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You know who Fat Albert is.
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You wore fluorescent, neon clothing.
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You could break dance, or wish you could.
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You wanted to be The Incredible Hulk for Halloween.
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You believed that "By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power!"
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Partying "like it’s 1999" seemed SO far away.
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You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
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You wanted to be on Star Search.
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You can remember Michael Jackson when he was still black.
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You remember the garbage pail kids, and owned some.
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You knew what Willis was "talkin’ ’bout."
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You HAD to have your MTV.
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You always wondered why Tootie always wore those skates.
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You actually thought "Dirty Dancing" was a REALLY good movie.
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You watched Purple Rain over and over again.
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Your all time favorite movie was Footloose and you actually thought that Kevin Bacon was HOT in it!!!
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You remember the episode of Good Times when Flo broke down after James’ funeral.
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You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
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You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we’d all be living on the moon.
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You remember and/or owned any of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut or any other stupid collection they came out with.
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Poltergeist freaked you out.
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You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunch box.
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You have pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
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You know what leg warmers are and probably had a pair.
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You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish.
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You had a Swatch Watch with the Swatch Guard.
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You thought UTFOs "Roxanne, Roxanne" song was the bomb!
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You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
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You had Wonder Woman or Superman underoos.
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You know what a "Push Up" ice cream is.
Well, how did you make out. Are you really a child of the 80’s or not? If you really are then are you willing to admit it in front of your friends? All interesting questions and none of them likely to be answered truthfully. Stand up and be proud of your heritage, no matter how silly and stupid it is. We’ve all had to do that at some point in our lives and it wasn’t easy for us either.
Here’s a little heads up for all of you. I just checked the national observances for September and was somewhat disappointed. I guess it’s official, September has nothing to offer, it just sucks. Contact your local politicians, write letters to Obama, alert the effing media because September needs an official designation besides being "Suck Month".
I guess I sound a little cranky today because I am. I’m in my seventh week of my new exercise and diet program and I’m hungry enough to eat the southbound end of a northbound mule. I’ve come to realize in the last seven weeks that an addiction to sugar is even worse than my former addiction to cigarettes.
I wasn’t a believer until I began this program which requires me to eat as little sugar as possible. I’ve always been a choc-o-holic with a sweet tooth that kept me eating huge amounts of sugar as often as possible. Life was good as long as I got my daily dose of chocolate, candy, or pastries.
After being advised by my doctor to eliminate sugar from my diet completely I never expected it to be so difficult. He directed me to start reading the labels of the things I’d been eating as well as the things I planned to eat. Ignorance was bliss to be sure. Every damn thing has some kind of sugar in it and it’s almost impossible to eat something healthy and actually sugar free. The cravings started almost immediately and increased with each passing day. It was making me a little crazy and I turned into a cranky and mean SOB that my better-half was ready to kill. I was forced to withdraw a little from her because I was on edge and picking fights with her about really stupid stuff. I knew it was happening but couldn’t really control it very well. It took almost five weeks before I physically began to feel a little better.
When I quit smoking in 1985, I did it "cold turkey" after being motivated by a panic attack I thought was a heart attack. Even then the worst of the physical cravings for nicotine passed within two or three weeks. I guess the solution to my problems is to take up smoking candy cigarettes.
I’m doing well now and have learned to almost not hate my treadmill. I’ve walked at a good pace for more than thirty-five miles and am starting to feel physically better. I’ve lost almost seventeen pounds so far but still have a ways to go before I’ll be satisfied.
It’s going to be a long winter but at the end of it I will be thinner, trimmer, and healthier. In my opinion that’s a pretty good trifecta.
Fall has officially arrived here in Maine and I can tell because it’s six in the morning, I’m sitting in the living room and I can see my breath. We normally wait until October to turn on the heat and this year will be no different. With the cost of heating oil being what it is we’re forced to suffer with some cold temperatures for a few more weeks. We actually covered what was left of our garden last night due to the anticipated frost that our expert weather people are calling for. For a change they were spot on.
I’ve always been adamant about not liking hot weather and that hasn’t changed much over the years. The worst part for me is the short periods of time between the seasons where I’m forced to adjust to the change. I’m sitting here this morning fresh from my bed where my ever so popular electric blanket continues to keep my better-half warm and toasty. I was finally forced to get it out one morning last week when I woke up at three AM with with my feet freezing and my teeth chattering. Transitions can be a large pain in the backside but what can you do?
In another week the garden will be finished and I’ll begin storing things away to prepare for the first snowfall. I’m looking forward to that as I usually do because believe it or not I enjoy the coziness of winter. It’s a quieter time that allows us to snuggle in and to enjoy each other’s company. It’s a time to take care of long delayed projects and for reflection on the past year and the beginning of expectations for the next.
With the tourists out of the picture we can start visiting many of our favorite places that we’ve avoided for the last few months. No more ridiculous parking fees and never ending beach traffic. We can now bundle up and return to walking the beach to enjoy Mother Nature without gangs of visitors clogging up the area.
Hopefully within the next hour or two the sun will come out and warm things up a little. We’re anticipating temperatures today nearing seventy which is nice but not long after sundown the temperature will drop suddenly into the high thirties and low forties. We’ll eventually make the adjustment and in no time be ready to sit back for a few months and enjoy the season.
I know it’s really Fall since my arm is stiff and sore from that damn flu shot I got yesterday. I guess I’m ready for just about anything. We’ll be taking lots of photographs in the coming month which is always enjoyable and the Fryeburg Fair is just weeks away. It will be the last big get together for the state of Maine this year and my better-half loves reconnecting with all those farm animals she hasn’t seen since last year. She’s what you might call a closet farmer with a passion for piggies and a secret wish that she’d been born a hundred years ago on a farm.
I’m almost completely awake now and after one more cup of hot coffee I’ll be ready to face the day.
I’ve always loved slamming celebrities and today will be no different. I do it fairly by just simply using their own words against them. Many of these so called celebrities insist on disturbing my calm by being in my face at every turn on both TV and radio. They’re determined to explain to me how much smarter they think they are about politics, the environment, and any other effing cause they are promoting. It became tiresome more years ago than I care to mention. Since I can’t tell them in person what I think about them without being accused of being a stalker or paparazzi, I’ll use this blog to at least vent enough to make me fell better.
You can take the Bill Maher’s and the Susan Sarandon’s of the world and all of their wack-job friends and ship them wherever you’d like. Just get them out of my face. Here are a few quotes that I’m sure these geniuses wished they’d never made. Here we go . . . .
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Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
– Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss USA Pageant
- "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researches also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are."
– Mat Lauer, Today Show, NBC
- "I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
– David Dinkins, New York City Mayor answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
- "Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life."
– Brooke Shields
- "We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
– Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
- "I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
– Hillary Clinton
- "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
– Marion Barry, Washing, D.C. Mayor
- "It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
– Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President
I will admit that celebrities make writing this blog easy at times. They are the proverbial “gifts that keep on giving” and I for one appreciate it.
And as a final thought, thanks to Fred Thompson and his celebrity buddies trying to convince all the seniors in this country that reverse mortgages are the best thing since sliced bread. What a giant load of crap.
It’s time today for a little catch-up on my journal. In just a few short weeks the Maine weather has gone from extreme heat and humidity to extreme cold and a couple of nights with a fear of frost. It’s a little early for this temperature change but you have no choice but to adjust.
I spent a few hours yesterday beginning the process of clearing plants from the garden for removal to the compost pile. I was surprised by how many cucumbers and cherry tomatoes I was able to salvage. I ended up with almost a dozen good sized cucumbers that were hidden amongst the plants and a at least a hundred cherry tomatoes that were still green but will ripen over the next week or so. It’s never fun taking the garden down at the end of the season but it has to be done and can require a large time investment.
I removed the sprinkler systems and the hoses and all of the hot pepper and squash plants. I left the beans, lettuce, and snap peas alone because they don’t mind the cold weather too much and are are still producing. Another week or so and they’ll be gone too.
The leaves are falling from the trees already and you can’t walk through the yard without running into squirrels and chipmunks with their mouths stuffed with nuts and acorns. They aren’t even running from us anymore. Their primary interest right now is to store away as much as they can as quickly as they can. Funny, that’s exactly the same thing my better-half and I are doing as well.
Once all of the plant material has been removed from the frames I can begin the soil preparation for next year. I’ll first rototill the ground and then cover the entire garden with three or four inches of compost. Then I’ll spread a little lime into the soil with a generic fertilizer, rototill it a second time and call it a day. I’ll let it set all winter and in the spring it should be ready to go. I’m hoping to have everything finished by the end of September so I won’t get surprised by good old Mother Nature who loves nothing more than dropping an early snow storm on us.
We spent some time the other night discussing changes to next years garden and the choice of items we plan on planting. It’s an ever-changing process as we learn more about the plants and the amount of production we can expect. It’s all of this prep work that makes the garden a success year after year and it’s time well spent and worth the effort.
I worked for two retail companies for a total of nineteen years which makes me something of an expert. I continue to be amazed at the poor hiring practices used by most retailers. They hire on the cheap and expect the world of those same inexperienced and poorly trained employees. Walmart is the largest retailer around and the stories from their stores are amazingly bizarre. They are just the tip of a gigantic and costly iceberg.
All of us have tales to tell about the odd, strange, and stupid behavior of cashiers from almost any chain or store you can think of. It has forced many companies to create cash register systems that are more and more complex. Their thought process is to make the registers so smart that it takes the guesswork out of the hands of the cashiers. It’s a great idea but doomed to failure. All that solution gives the store is an expensive and complex computer checkout system run by an eighteen year old inexperienced dumbass.
Here are a few stories I’ve found that make my point and then some.
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A cashier noticed that a man never signed his name on the back of his credit card. She informed him that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When he asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature he’d just signed on the receipt. So he took a pen and signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one he signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
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A young girl went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
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A woman was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" She said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That’s why we ask."
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At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear retail coworker who was leaving the company due to "down-sizing," the store manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. Everyone just looked at each other like “deer in the headlights”.
These problems exist across the board with every type of retailer. Kids who can’t make the proper change even after the register tells them the proper amount. I could make a twenty minute shopping trip to any store and have at least one good story to tell about employee screw-ups. If you can imagine how many errors are being made on a daily basis in this country, it gets a little scary.
This should be considered your PSA (Public Service Announcement) for today. Keep your eyes and ears open when shopping because not all mistakes cost just the company money. You could be losing money every time you shop if your not paying attention. Check your receipt before you leave the store for any obvious errors. Companies are notorious for putting prices on a sign near the product but forgetting to update the UPC system. It costs us millions of dollars every year and that’s a conservative estimate.
Buyer Beware!
Today I’d like to talk about retirement. Being retired has it’s pluses and just as many minuses. You have the all the time you’ll ever need to do just about anything you’ve ever wanted to do. You have a type of freedom you’ve never experienced before. The main thing missing from the mix is motivation. Having that much time on your hands can lure you into closely examining your entire life, both good things and bad. You can also fall into the trap of second guessing every bad decision you’ve ever made and make yourself crazy. That’s the worst and most dangerous thing about retirement. If you can’t find a way to control it you just might become one truly miserable SOB with no friends or close relationships.
My transition to retirement has been a challenge to say the least. It’s took me almost four years to make the changeover to where I could maintain a level of happiness and calmness about my life, my aging, and my relationships with others. There’s no longer room for self-recriminations, whining about old mistakes, and rethinking of failed relationships. As they always say "Life is too short." I’ve been able to make peace with my past life and I’m ready for the next phase. I still spend time thinking about my childhood and my childhood friends many of whom have passed but it’s no longer a painful process and has finally become just a plethora of fond old memories. I sat down and started making a list of certain things I do miss from those days and the following are just a few that quickly came to mind.
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Spending a summer weekend at my grandparents house so I could attend the local carnival which came to town for just one week each year. It was a big deal for that small town and all of us looked forward to it all year long.
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I miss my childhood friends and knowing how to pretend. We had more fun using just our imaginations than we’d ever have had sitting in front of a TV playing a video game. Believe me, I’m not biased against video games at all. I’ve been a member in good standing with X-Box and Microsoft for decades. Imagination always offered me much more in the way of entertainment value.
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Playing catch with my best friend for hours and hours.
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Spending my summers playing baseball and roaming through the woods and streams near my home.
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Playing with friends on and in the Allegheny River. Jumping from bridges, rowing an old bathtub across the river, being escorted to shore by the Coast Guard for being in places we didn’t belong.
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Spending quality time with both of my grandfathers. I miss them both everyday.
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Eating baked potatoes with the family cooked in the ashes of a bonfire in the back yard.
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Eating fresh apples stolen from a nearby orchard. They always tasted so much better when you could run faster than the owner who was chasing you.
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Sledding with all of my friends in the hood of an old car. Ten of us flying down the hill together with no fear of anything.
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Skiing with friends on skis made from barrel rungs. We couldn’t afford real skis. I never skied much further than twenty feet anyway before I fell on my ass and rolled down the hill laughing all the way.
That’s just a few of the many memories I love reliving. I’m no longer pissed off that I can’t do most of those things anymore, I’m just happy that I had a chance to do them at all.
I’m standing at my kitchen window sipping on an extremely hot cup of coffee and watching my neighbors as they walk with their daughters out to the main road and the school bus that will start this new school year. Their younger daughter isn’t quite old enough for school but she’s there to see her sister off and seems very excited by the whole experience. They’re taking lots of photo’s to mark this special occasion as I’m sure they will do for many years to come.
The older daughter’s of another neighbor were seen packing their cars a few days ago and are now off to college to begin their school year. They also seemed excited to begin another year that moves them a little closer to independence and a life of their own.
For me this is the beginning-of-the-end of summer. I’m excited by the tourist season being over as I again watch them leaving the area in droves. By next week the population of many nearby coastal towns will drop almost ninety percent. Many of the beach businesses will close for the season and our lives can slowly get back to what we consider normal. My better-half and I are looking forward once again to visiting several bars and restaurants we’ve been avoiding all summer. Large crowds, high parking fees, and higher than normal prices have kept us away all summer long. It’s northing new just a normal transition we have to deal with every September. Caravans of vehicles heading north to return to Canadian soil and just as many heading south to Boston and beyond.
Our summer gardening is also coming to an end and the Fall season will be upon us in no time. We’ll visit a few local fairs and festivals and of course the big Fryeburg Fair and I’ll be getting out the snow thrower and preparing it for the coming season. I’ve lined up a few winter projects and also collected a healthy stack of books to read during the next five months. Then we’ll settle in for what will hopefully be a quiet and thoughtful Winter with just enough snow to keep things fresh and clean until Spring.
I always look forward to Winter if for no other reason than the time it offers me to read, think, and write. This blog becomes a major priority once again and I’ll finally have the proper amount of time to research things I want to write about. That the best relaxation I can think of and I ‘m looking forward to it.
As is painfully obvious from many of my earlier posts I’m not a huge fan of attorneys. I wouldn’t broad-brush all of them because I know many that do their jobs well. Unfortunately they’re in the minority since we as a nation have become over-run with a ridiculous number of lawyers. They’ve spent decades slowly and deliberately turning the United States from a common sense way of thinking country to our current levels of lawsuit paranoia. The fact that ninety percent of judges are either former politicians or attorneys easily explains our country’s litigious difficulties.
They’ve managed to weasel their way into every facet of our lives. Suing one and all with a landslide of frivolous lawsuits that have clogged up our court system for years to come. Here are just a few examples.
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A convicted bank robber on parole entered a bank, went up to the teller, and said, "Give me the money. I’ve got a bomb." The bank teller did as instructed, except that hidden in the rolls of money turned over to the robber was an anti-robbery device that released tear gas. The device functioned as intended .. and the robber sued the bank.
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Sometimes, being frugal can cost you more than anticipated. While apparently trying to steal a soft drink from a vending machine in 1998, 19-year-old Kevin Mackle was rocking it dangerously. Suddenly, the weight shift was too hot to handle and the contraption fell on him. The man died following the accident. His relatives sued Coca-Cola Co., two other companies, and Bishop’s University in Lennoxville, Quebec (for about $660,000 US in damages and funeral costs) alleging that the machine was not secured and bore no warning signs.
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A minister and his wife sued a guide-dog school for $160,000 after a blind man learning to use a seeing-eye dog stepped on the woman’s toe. She sought $80,000 for medical bills, pain & suffering, humiliation and disability. Her husband sought the same amount for loss of his wife’s care, comfort and consortium.
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A 27-year-old man from Michigan was involved in a rear-end collision. Four years later, he sued the owners of the truck that was responsible for the accident. Having suffered minor injuries, he stated that from then on, his sexual relationship with his wife deteriorated, as he was unable to maintain their sex life. He claimed that he had been so affected by the crash that his personality had been forever changed. In fact, he maintained that the accident turned him into a homosexual. He left his wife, moved in with his parents, began hanging out in gay bars, and became a fervent reader of gay literature. He won his case and was awarded $200,000, while his wife received $25,000.
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A woman went to her friend’s house and asked for a haircut. Unhappy with her new look, she claimed her friend had willfully, intentionally and maliciously cut her hair without her consent … and sued him for $75,000.
I could continue with hundreds more of these useless and costly lawsuits but what’s the point. In the majority of these cases the attorney is paid a large percentage of the money won. It’s called taking a case on contingency. The same strategy used for those individuals suing the government for disability benefits for a variety of addictions, both drug and alcohol related. These attorney believe if you throw enough crap against a wall, some of it is bound to stick. Free money . . . . Yeah!
These so called attorneys-at-law have also forced companies to over label our everyday products due to fear of lawsuits. I actually saw an aluminum step ladder for sale in a nearby Home Center that had a sticker on the top step. Of course it stated an important and secret fact that we weren’t aware of: This is the Last Step – Don’t Stand Here. The “Nanny State” strikes again. Not only is the advice on many of these labels utterly obvious, many are just plain stupid. Here are a few of those.
- On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
- On a package of peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
- On a child’s Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
- On Sears Hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
- On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like other soap.
- On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
- On frozen food package:
Product will be hot after heating.
- On packaging of an iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
- On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
We’ve allowed this to go on for so long it’s now become the norm. We have only ourselves to blame when we’ve allowed the pursuit of possible free money to completely corrupt our judicial system. It was never meant to a be a gravy-train for those less than scrupulous attorneys who finally got tired of chasing ambulances.
Not being a huge football or sports fan has distinct advantages for me. I can ridicule any team at any time for any reason and I do as often as I can. It’s difficult because so many people admire, desire, and worship these football heroes (I use the term loosely) that they’ll attack anyone who isn’t awed by the mere sight of them. My hero worshiping days were short lived after all of the scandals: cheating, lying, steroid use, and criminal activities. No more sports heroes for me thank you very much. I’ll stick to the real heroes, our servicemen and women who sacrifice so these hulks can make millions of dollars and be praised by the masses.
Here are a few notable quotes, past and present, by some of those sports heroes. Thank God all of their colleges found a way to help them graduate.
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Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs that we went to."
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season…"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." – Joe Theismann
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for four years, not Princeton."
Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships: "I’ve won at every level, except college and pro."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team’s 7-27 record: "We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play."
Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."
Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet."
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’ "
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What more needs to be said? The more they insist on standing up and talking to the media the more material I’ll have for postings like this. Keep close tabs on your sports programs for those pregame, half-time, and post game interviews. They’re almost as entertaining as the games.
