Archive for the ‘Just Saying’ Category
My better-half has always been known as a Christmas animal, shopping for gifts, decorating every damn thing in sight, and stressing herself to the max. Of course that stress level spills over onto me more often than not. I’m “that guy” who ends up doing the heavy lifting on most of the chores, except for the shopping and baking. Since I’ve escaped most of that nonsense this year because of my broken leg I have a little extra time for blogging and other activities. I decided to take a short trip down memory lane back to 1952 where as a 6 year old I couldn’t wait for Christmas to arrive.
As a kid Christmas seemed to be more of a religious holiday for us because of my Mom. Gifts were exchanged but weren’t the center of it all. We as a family barely had enough money for essentials let alone for purchasing large numbers of gifts. My mother was and always remained a loyal Catholic follower and I certainly admired her determination to keep the holidays something special religiously speaking.
We attended all of the many church functions and celebrations, listened to Christmas carolers, and sent out tons of Christmas cards to everyone imaginable. She’d then take all of the cards she’d received and tape them around the entry way to our living room. It seemed like a big deal back then to acknowledge each other with Christmas cards and displaying them throughout the home. Emails are fine but just aren’t quite the same as a personally signed card with a short handwritten holiday message. I remember conversations between my Mom and her friends talking about how many cards they’d each received and who sent them. It was a big deal. Sadly with today’s prices for mailing letters it would cost a small fortune to send a hundred cards to friends and family.
Check out this price list from 1952 and then match it against our current prices. It’s scary”:
House: $16,800
Average income: $3,515
Ford car: $1526-$2384
Milk: $.96
Gas: $.20
Bread $.16
Postage stamp: $.03
Hen Turkeys: $ .53 lb
Pkg of 6 Bran muffins $.21
1 lb pkg of M&M’s candies: $.59
Gillette Blue Blades, pkg of 10: $ .49
At Sears – – –
Ladies Corduroy Jackets: $4.99
Cotton knit blouses: $1.98
Men’s Rayon Sport Shirts: $3.66
Men’s cotton flannel shirt: $1.79
Red “Radio Flyer” wagon: $8.75
Westinghouse Open-Handle steam iron: $19.95
Men’s T-shirts and briefs – – –
T-shirts, 2 for $.59
Briefs, each : $.59
I guess the good old days weren’t all that bad after all. At least you could afford to live reasonably well on what we now consider pauper wages. Families felt closer and the holidays seemed to mean more than they do now.
I’m not complaining because time and things change in the blink of an eye. You can’t expect things to remain the same forever because they just won’t. You must be able to change and adapt to keep the holidays something special and meaningful not only for you but for your children. It seems a little harder to accomplish these days but it’s still doable. I’ve always known that if I work exceptionally hard at something it will mean much more to me. With that in mind I’ll spend the next two weeks helping my better-half to relax and enjoy her favorite time of the year.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS
I decided that continuing my Christmas theme this month is important. I spent a few minutes yesterday just reading nothing but the headlines from the Drudge Report and if that doesn’t depress you, you’re a better and stronger person than I. I’ve been reading that site for years and I have to admit it’s a real downer most of the time.
In recent days I’ve slowly been developing a little of the good old kind of Christmas spirit I had as a kid. The tree has been decorated and the lights strung and my better-half has covered every surface of every piece of furniture in the house with Santa statues and assorted Christmas knick-knacks. We’re shopping hard, wrapping presents, and preparing packages for shipment to various family members located around the country. It takes a while for me to get with the Christmas program but eventually I do.
It’s meant to be a happy time so with that in mind here’s a little Santa humor to start your day.
* * *
It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mother if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mother told him that would be fine.
Sam went to his room and wrote, ‘Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.’
But he wasn’t very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote: ‘Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.’
He read it back and wasn’t happy with that one either. He tried a third version: ‘Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.’
He read that one too, but he still wasn’t satisfied.So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter.
‘Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you’d better send me a new bike.’
* * *
Are you smiling? Good! Now I’ll pass along a selection of kid’s letters to Santa that should keep that smile on your face for the rest of the day. I have to admit I have no memories of writing letters to Santa as a kid but I wish I had. Being able to read them after so many years would have been great fun. Here we go.
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Dear Santa,
Please give me a doll this year. I would like her to eat, walk, do my homework, and help me clean my room.
Thank you, Jenny
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Dear Santa,
Thanks for the race car last year. Can I have another one, only this time one that is faster than my best friend’s race car?
Ricky
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Dear Father Christmas,
I wish you could leave a puzzle under the tree for me. And a toy for my sister. Then she won’t want to play with mine and I can have it to myself.
Merry Christmas, Cassie
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Dear Santa,
You can send me one of everything from the boys’ section of the Sears catalogue. But nothing from the girls’ section. I can’t wait for Christmas to come.
Kent
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Dear Pere Noel,
Could you come early this year? I’ve been really super good, but I don’t know if I can last much longer. Please hurry.
Love, Jordan
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Dear Santa,
I lost my list of toys, so please just send me the stuff that you forgot from last year.
Todd
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Dear Father Christmas,
What should I leave for your reindeer to eat? Do they like cookies, too? My mom won’t let me bring hay into the living room.
Your friend, Sandy
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Dear Santa,
I need a new skateboard for Christmas. The one I got now crashes too much. Band-aids would be OK too.
David
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Dear Santa,
Would you rather I leave you cookies and milk or pizza? Dad says you’d probably like the pizza. Write back right away to let me know.
Love, Lisa
-
Dear Kris Kringle,
Please give me a tank, a jet fighter, 20 green soldiers, and a bazooka gun. I’m planning a surprise attack on my brother. So don’t tell anyone.
Thanks, Danny
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Dear Santa,
How will you get into our house this year? We don’t have a chimney and my father just installed a very expensive security system.
Julie
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Dear Santa,
Mommy says that you only bring presents for the good little boys. That isn’t fair.
Brian
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Dear Santa,
How old are you? How did you meet Mrs. Claus? Is your first name really Santa? Can I be an elf next year? Who is your favorite kid? How do you fit all those toys in your sleigh? I have more questions for later.
Your pal, Pauline
-
Dear Father Christmas,
My mother told me to write to you and say thanks for the train set. My dad plays with it all the time.
Mike
I’m not sure when or where the tradition of writing these Santa letters began. The following article was released to the public in 2011 after being written in 1910. The list of items reveals the age of the letter and I’m still not totally sure what some of these items actually are.
* * *
Hannah Howard’s Christmas letter was hidden and lost in a chimney for years. The ghost of Christmas 100 years past arrived early for a County Down, Northern Ireland man when he discovered the “Santa letter” his late mother wrote when she was a girl.
The scorched letter was dated Christmas Eve 1911 and had been up a chimney in a Dublin house for decades. Victor Bartlem’s mother, Hannah Howard, had written her Christmas wish list when she was just 10 years old.
It was first discovered in 1992 when the current house owner John Byrne installed central heating. He came upon Hannah’s letter in the chimney and decided to keep it as a memento of times past. He made it public in 2011 in the Irish Times and it was there that Victor – living more than 100 miles away in Bangor, County Down, read about it.
Here is that list written over a hundred years ago.
A baby doll.
A waterproof with a hood.
A pair of gloves and a toffee apple.
A gold penny and a silver sixpence.
A long toffee.
Hannah was born on Christmas Day 1900 and she died in 1978.
* * *
The items requested then appear to be very basic and far less demanding than our modern day equivalents. If you have young children or grandchildren, take a few minutes and let them write a letter to Santa. Then hide them away for twenty or more years. What better gift could you give the authors than a look back to their childhoods. They’ll love it.
Since my posting yesterday I’m starting to get that a tingle of Christmas spirit once again. With that in mind I thought I might gather a few more interesting tidbits for you concerning famous people and their connection to Christmas Day.
December 25 is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ as both an important religious and historical figure. There are many others who also claim December 25th as their birthday. They’re famous and celebrated individuals who’ve filled our world with music, laughter and entertainment. Let’s take a quick look.
* * *
Rod Serling – 1924: Creator of The Twilight Zone, Rod Serling the Emmy-award winning writer set the stage for the future of science fiction on TV.
Annie Lennox – 1954: The angelic-voiced songstress hit it big with Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) when she was in the musical duo “The Eurhythmics”.
Sir Isaac Newton – 1642: Sir Isaac Newton was a true Renaissance man who made leaps and bounds in the areas of mathematics, astronomy, and physics.
Sissy Spacek –1949: Although she has been making movies steadily, the one role which defined Sissy Spacek as an actress was portraying Loretta Lynn in 1980’s Coal Miner’s Daughter.
Clara Barton – 1821: She was a nurse and the original Red Cross organizer.
Dido – 1971: She is known for her hauntingly beautiful sounds that seem to transcend time.
Humphrey Bogart – 1899: He was the rough-edged actor who help put film noir on the map. While critics and fans alike tend to put Casablanca forward as one of the best movies, To Have and Have Not is a better pick.
Jimmy Buffet: 1946: Parrot-heads everywhere can rejoice.
Robert Ripley – 1893: Believe It or Not, Robert Ripley was an anthropologist, although that may not be the first occupation that comes to your mind when thinking of Ripley. He premiered his Ripley’s Believe It or Not in the form of newspaper panels.
* * *
Now, I think it’s only right and proper to list those famous and infamous who’ve passed away on Christmas. Here we go.
* * *
Dean Martin – 1995: A member of the famed Rat Pack, Dean Martin was a singer and an actor having starred in around 51 different films. He died Christmas morning in his home of respiratory failure brought on perhaps by his lung cancer and emphysema.
Billy Martin – 1989: He was best known for his role as the manager of the New York Yankees. He started his baseball career as a second baseman and then became the manager known for arguing with the umpires and doing a special kicking move throwing dirt at them. Martin died in a car accident in New York on Christmas day.
James Brown – 2006: The godfather of soul and funk died from pneumonia on Christmas day in Atlanta Georgia. He was 73 years old when he passed.
Richard Paul – 1998: Another actor who died during the yuletide season in 1998 was actor Richard Paul. He was Mr. Strowbridge on the show Full House as well as the mayor on Murder, She Wrote. He died of cancer.
WC Fields – 1946: He was an actor and a film writer, known for his comedic timing. Supposedly after he was checked in to a hospital, feeling ill, a friend caught him reading the Bible and quotes Fields as having said he was “checking for loopholes.” He died in a sanatorium in Pasadena, California after having been hospitalized for around fourteen months. He perished from a stomach hemorrhage. He was 66 years old.
Denver Pyle – 1997: This actor who died of lung cancer was first known as Mad Jack on the show The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, and then went on to become famous as Uncle Jesse in the show The Dukes of Hazzard.
Charlie Chaplin -1977: Famous as the Little Tramp, Chaplin is an acting icon immediately recognizable by most every generation. Hailed for his comedic performances, he was also an Oscar winner before his Christmas death. He died in Vevey, Switzerland at the age of 88.
And a few others:
Reggie White – famous football player for the Green Bay Packers.
Gerald Ford – Was once the President of the United States of America.
Nigel Hawthorne – An actor who was in the film Amistad as well as did some voice over for the Disney cartoon: Tarzan.
Jason Robards – The actor who played a congressman in Enemy of the State with Will Smith, as well as the dying Earl Partridge in Magnolia starring Tom Cruise.
Curtis Mayfield – A singer/songwriter known fro bringing the soul and funk to R & B music.
Dian Fosse – Gorillas In The Mist was about her and she was later murdered in Rwanda.
Jack Benny – A comedian, actor, and all around performer, who died in 1974.
* * *
It must be quite a life when you’re a celebrity. You’re born on Christmas Day which is celebrated by everyone every year and then you become rich and famous because of your many talents and are celebrated yet again. Unfortunately some of them die on Christmas and are then remembered forever on stupid blogs like this. As they say “Any publicity is good publicity.”
HO! HO! HO!
Did anyone every tell you the story about getting a message in a fortune cookie that said “Help me, I’m being held prisoner in a Chinese fortune cookie factory.” I’ve had a few people try that on me over the years and never thought it was all that funny. It’s still not funny especially now when I’m the guy who’s the prisoner.
It’s now been five weeks since I broke my damn leg and I’ve got to tell you the novelty of walking on crutches with a big clunky cast is long over. The only thing worse than breaking your leg is that you’re then being forced to walk with crutches. Crutches are the devil’s way of paying us back for all the bad things we’ve done in our life.
Being totally immobilized is the worst. I found I wasn’t able to do much of anything when on those effing crutches. I had to request my better-half to do everything because I had no ability to carry things from place to place. I tried with a cup of coffee but on my first attempt I spilled a large portion of really hot coffee directly onto my cat who insists on running between my legs every time I stand up. I’ll bet he won’t do that again.
So after a period of time I had to come up with some way of doing things on my own without any help. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I brought my wheeled computer chair from my man-cave to the upstairs and then using my crutches like oars was able to go into the kitchen, prepare a snack, and then paddle my way back to the living room. It was a moderately successful idea until I pushed too hard with one crutch, lost my balance, and flipped over. The food tasted kind of funny after I scrapped it off the floor and part of the wall and there was no way I could save the coffee. It amazes me just how large an area a medium sized cup of coffee can cover when tossed across the kitchen. It took me a long time to get it all cleaned up crawling around on my hands and knees and cursing a blue steak. It was time for a better idea.
I found an old jacket with a few large pockets and was finally able to pack the pockets full of goodies including my hot cup of coffee in a sealable travel mug. I was saved. Do you know you can carry bacon, eggs and toast folded up in between two paper plates and tucked into a partially zipped up jacket. I may be forced to come up with a few new recipes and packaging ideas for foods to be used by crutch handicapped people. That ideas a little out there even for me so I’ll save it for another day.
I now have the time to sit and design my other new idea, a Handy Dandy Crutch Caddy. Two really well designed saddlebags that can be attached to the lower part of the crutches. I could make one of the pockets insulated so the food remains hot during transport. Maybe I’ll throw in a wi-fi antenna for the on-the-go one-legged computer nerds out there. It’s a good project for me since I have a few more weeks of this nonsense to deal with and if I don’t stay mentally busy I will lose my effing mind.
Help, I’m being held prisoner.
According to Socrates “an unexamined life is not worth living”. I agree with that to a point because there are times when looking back has truly restorative value. It clears the mind by allowing us to revisit simpler and sometimes happier times. The post that follows is me looking back and remembering how different things were not so long ago. I’m not saying they were always better but in some cases they definitely were. Read on and enjoy a short but detailed visit to my early childhood.
Way back…
I’m talking about hide and seek at dusk, sitting on the porch. Hot bread and butter, eating’ a super-dooper sandwich (Dagwood), Red light, Green light, 1 2 3.
Chocolate milk, lunch tickets, penny candy in a brown paper bag. Hopscotch, butterscotch, Double-Dutch, jacks, kickball, and dodge ball. Mother, May I? Hula Hoops, Sunflower Seeds, jawbreakers, blow pops, Mary Janes, and running through the sprinklers. The smell of the sun and licking salty lips.
Wait……
Watching lightening bugs in a jar, playing slingshot and Red Rover. When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere.
Bedtime, Climbing trees. A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers. Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, sitting on the curb, jumping down the steps, jumping on the bed, and pillow fights.
Being tickled to death, running till you were out of breath. Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt. Being tired from playing …. Remember that?
I’m not finished just yet…
What about the girl that had the big bubbly hand writing? Licking the beaters when your mother made a cake. When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for “gym.”
When nobody owned a purebred dog. When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter a huge bonus. When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny. When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then. When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free. And you didn’t pay for air, and, you got trading stamps to boot! When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it. When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
Not done yet . . .
When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done, everyday. When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed…and did! When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home. Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot. When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Disapproval of our parents and grandparents was a much bigger threat!
Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.” Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, “do over!” “Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in “Monopoly.”
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening. It wasn’t odd to have two or three “best” friends. Being old, referred to anyone over 20. The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn’t matter. It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn’t an Olympic event.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties. It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
IT’S NICE TO OCCASIONALLY LOOK BACK
Trying to understand the workings of the human brain is almost impossible. I do know that the brain has the ability to make us see things in a different way when it becomes confused. That’s one of the reasons that identifications at a crime scene by six people can be totally different from each other. One person sees a white Buick and another sees a blue Ford. It also explains why police don’t consider information obtained from eye witness testimony as entirely credible. I have no idea why the brain works the way it does and for the most part I don’t care, just as long as it keeps operating.
The following information was sent to me by a friend and I thought it might be of some interest to some of you. It’s a short test for your brain and your eyes. Give it a go and see how you fare.
Can you read this? It’s a little weird but interesting!
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
If you can read this, you have a strange mind because I’m told only 55 people out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it.
The Eye Test
Can you find the B’s
(there are 2 B’s) DON’T skip, or your wish won’t come True…
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Once you’ve found the B’s now find the 1.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Once you found the 1…………….
Find the 6
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
Once you’ve found the 6…
Find the N (it’s hard!!)
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
Once you’ve found the N…
Find the Q..
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
How did you make out? Did you have any difficulties? There are no right or wrong answers to these silly little tests. Just something to give your brain some exercise. There’s nothing worse than having a fat and lazy brain.
It’s just turning 6 am on Thanksgiving morning. It’s a windy and chilly day as it seems to be every year on Thanksgiving and I love it. This just happens to be the one holiday that means more to me than any of the others. Many holidays are religious and since I’m not a religious person they mean very little to me. My best memories of my family are those from the many Thanksgivings we spent together. There is no anticipation of gifts and the many negatives associated with that mind set. It’s just a peaceful family gathering to share a meal and to be thankful for the good things in our lives.
I’m lying in bed with my better-half who’s sawing some serious logs next to me. My cat just jumped up on the bed to demand his Thanksgiving breakfast, and the coffee pot just came alive and is beeping to let me know it’s time to get up. This morning is going to be just about me and that big, fat, twenty pound bird awaiting me in the kitchen. I began thawing him out two days ago and yesterday I began some of the prep work for his debut today. Tradition means so much to me and I love preparing the bird.
As a youngster I spent all of my Thanksgivings with my immediate family at my grandmother’s home. She was an old school cook whose Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners were the things of legend, just incredible. She was responsible for my undying love of cranberry sauce (the jelly kind) and the stuffing and gravy she was famous for. I begged her for years for her gravy recipe but she’d just smile and say “maybe when your a little older”. She went to her grave with the secret and I’ve spent years still trying to get it just right. Man do I miss her at this time of the year.
As a young man I married and moved away from my home area in Pittsburgh to Massachusetts and lived twenty minutes from Plymouth Plantation. I visited Plymouth every year and attended as many of the local celebrations as possible. I ate Thanksgiving dinner at the Plantation, was on and off the Mayflower many times, and really developed a love for the area. We even visited many of the Wampanoag Indian ceremonies that we were introduced to us by a friend who was a member of the tribe. It was a terrific tradition we’d developed but as in all things change was inevitable.
Divorce required me to find a new residence. I bought a small cottage near the ocean in Kingston, Massachusetts only 5 minutes from downtown Plymouth. I lived there for three years and submerged myself in the history of the Pilgrims, the Indians, and everything Thanksgiving. Again changes had to be made when my company bankrupted and I moved to Maine. For the next seven years I celebrated a rather lonely Thanksgiving tradition. I returned home to Pittsburgh once or twice during that time but for the most part it was just me, my cat and two ferrets. I maintained my own tradition with a large turkey breast, stuffing and all the trimmings and made the most of my crappy situation. The memories of all my past Thanksgiving’s helped tremendously but once again change was in the air. It arrived unexpectedly in the person of my better-half.
After a few years of adjusting to one another we’ve finally settled into a rather happy life and the holiday traditions had to change once more. We both maintain certain of our own family Thanksgiving traditions and are now creating a few of our own. This year we’re welcoming our new grandson to the table for the very first time. He was just a pooping and crying ball of flesh last Thanksgiving but now he’s grown into a walking and almost talking little person about to be officially seated at the holiday table. I hope in the years to come the memories of his grandmother will mean as much to him as mine do to me.
I also hope that your Thanksgiving will be even better than what you expected. The best thing about traditions is their flexibility. No matter how much change we’re forced to deal with, both good and bad, the traditions carry on regardless. The thoughts of years past and loved ones who are no longer with us are the real traditions and they can never be taken away.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
I think you all need another dose of this blogs specialty, Useless Information. After working all day at the office or as a homemaker your head is filled with numbers, To-Do lists, and nasty thoughts about your boss or other co-workers. Even though your mind is racing with all this stuff it’s now my job to slow things down, make you smile, and begin the relaxation process that’s so badly needed by us all.
These facts are sometimes funny but always interesting and I forward them along to you because I feel your mental well being is now my responsibility. Pour yourself a beer or glass of wine, put your feet up, turn on some mellow music and just relax. Unwind totally, pet the dog or cat, kiss the kids, and a big wet one for your spouse. Here they are:
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Elvis Presley’s favorite amusement park ride was the bumper cars.
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Albert Einstein slept 10 hours a night.
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The game of badminton was once called “poona”.
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Some obsessed fan paid $14,000.00 for the bra worn by Marilyn Monroe in the move Some Like It Hot.
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Sammy Davis Jr. was originally known professionally as “Silent Sam, the Dancing Midget.”
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About a quarter of the oxygen in your blood is used by the brain.
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Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
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According to mathematicians, the billionth digit of pi is 9.
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Millie the White House pet dog earned more than four times as much as her owner, President Bush, in 1991.
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Astronaut Buzz Aldrin claims to have been the first man to “piss in his pants on the moon.”
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There are more plastic flamingos in the United States than real ones.
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Alexander the Great was buried in a vat of honey.
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The Hundred Years War lasted 116 years.
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In 1992 Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag was sold at auction for $6,600.
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The average U.S. student attends school 180 days; in China, it’s 251 days.
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40% of people killed from falling off a horse are drunk.
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Most of the villains in the Bible have red hair.
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You can make 11 1/2 omelets with one ostrich egg.
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Captain Kangaroo won five Emmy awards.
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Sherlock Holmes kept his tobacco in the toe of a Persian slipper.
There, do you feel more relaxed now. I certainly hope so. There’ll be more of this useless information coming your way very soon.
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This disclaimer is for those of you who are militant believers in all of these syndromes. This posting is being written as humor with just a hint of the truth. If you have no sense of humor then stop reading now because this will almost certainly anger you. If you chose to continue please keep your caustic comments to yourself, they won’t be posted.
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These days it seems like everyone regardless of age or gender is suffering a syndrome of one kind or another. This permits them to be stupid, annoying, and in general a huge pain in the ass without consequences. If your child is undisciplined and does pretty much what they please without any obvious parental control, they suffer from ADS. Load them with a few drugs to maintain control in the classrooms and everything will be just fine.
Then they can grow into an annoying and undisciplined adult and be diagnosed with AADS. More drugs and again less responsibility for bad behavior.
We have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and if that’s not good enough we also have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Both children and adults can now claim any of these disorders hoping for more drugs and less responsibility for their questionable rude behavior.
Were you also aware of the cottage industry that has blossomed for those poor and suffering souls afflicted with one or many of these disorders. The first thing you should do is become an official member of CHADD. This description was taken directly from their web-site.
Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), is a national non-profit, tax-exempt (Section 501(c)(3)) organization providing education, advocacy and support for individuals with ADHD. In addition to our informative website, CHADD also publishes a variety of printed materials to keep members and professionals current on research advances, medications, and treatments affecting individuals with ADHD. These materials include Attention magazine and a free electronically mailed informational newsletter, as well as other publications of specific interest to educators, professionals, adults with ADHD, and parents.
As you can see it’s becoming an official part of our laundry list of disorders. Pick the one that fits best, talk with a friendly doctor and make the diagnosis official. Then present it to the school or your employer and expect special treatment from the entire world for the rest of your life.
Why should I be left out? Here’s a new disorder that I recently discovered quite by accident and I suspect there are millions of other sufferers nationwide that need to be told what’s wrong with them. My new disorder is called AAADD or Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it works…
I decide to do my laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I’m going to do the laundry…
BUT FIRST I’m going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack….
BUT FIRST I’ll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook?
Oops.. there’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I’m going to look for that checkbook…
BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.
I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What’s it doing here? I’ll just put it away…
BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and…Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants…
BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.
END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control… And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because…I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!
I realize this condition is serious…I’d get help… BUT FIRST…I think I’ll check my e-mail.
I need to quickly recruit a few hundred individuals interested in forming a non-profit organization to help spread the word to the world about this terrible albeit understandable age related problem. How about we start the ASS-ASS organization, American Society of Silly - Aged Seniors Sufferers
Join up with ASS–ASS immediately all of you poor suffering and aging old bastards.
REPRESENT ! ! !
I found out the hard way that having a broken leg as we come into the holiday season is a mixed blessing. I’m three and a half weeks into this injury with at least three more weeks before I can start walking on it again on a limited basis. I’m quickly finding out that the boredom and being housebound is worse than the actual injury itself.
I found myself becoming a little hard to live with since I’ve apparently developed a rather bad temper. I just can’t seem to adjust to this slower lifestyle and my better-half is paying the price for it. With lots of Christmas season activities on the horizon she’ll be overloaded with decorating, baking, and house cleaning. I plan on helping where I can but truthfully I won’t be much help.
I put myself on her sh** list a few days ago. She knew how much I was itching to get out of the house so she took my car keys to work with her to keep me from doing something crazy. Being the persistent pain-in-the-ass that I am I found my extra set of keys hidden in a secret location. I hobbled to the garage, jumped in the car and drove a few miles to get a fresh cup of coffee and a sandwich. It wasn’t easy fitting my big ass, crutches, and the huge air cast into the front seat but I did it anyway. I made the trip without incident and returned home feeling pretty proud of myself. That lasted until my better-half got home from work then the you-know-what hit the fan. I’m now officially grounded. That hasn’t happened to me for a very long time and I don’t like it any better now than I did then. I pushed my luck with my little trip but now I’m paying the price for my stupidity.
I returned to the orthopedist for my three week exam and received nothing but good news. The bone is knitting itself nicely and no surgery will be required. I’m now permitted to slowly increase the amount of weight on it over the next three weeks. At that point I’ll be scheduled for some limited physical therapy and hopefully I’ll be back on my feet and ready to party by New Years.
I wouldn’t wish this kind of injury on my worst enemy. It’s frustrating and humbling to find yourself helpless. Last night as I was watching TV I heard my better-half upstairs doing something. A few minutes later she started down the steps when I heard a loud crash. She screamed my name and I hopped my way over to the stairs. She had fallen much like I had and fortunately only bruised her thigh, leg, and hand. She broke no bones but she’ll be sore as hell for a few days. We should be made the official poster children for CLUMSY. I may be forced to install a damn elevator so the two of us don’t cripple ourselves permanently.
Happy Effing Holidays! 2013, a year to remember and then immediately forget.
everyuselessthing.com 