Archive for the ‘Looking Back’ Category
I mention my better-half in this blog often. With Mother’s Day approaching I thought a salute to her would be appropriate. She’s raised her three children, seen them graduate from college, and watched as they moved on with their lives. She is and should be proud of such a major accomplishment. Now since her nest has emptied it was time for the next stage of her life with me to begin. It was time for both of us to readjust to a new and different style of living.
As I’ve gotten older I find myself looking back and reminiscing at odd times. I have many wonderful memories that I reflect on occasionally and that was always part of my master plan. Growing up I decided early on to build an archive of memories that I could enjoy after I was too old to create new ones. I always pictured myself sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of my home looking back at all the fun I’d had in my life. I looked forward to the day I could mentally relove any number of women and remember them as being even better than they actually were.
My normal approach to living was if something looked interesting I just jumped right in and tried to experience it. Why not? I was slowly filling up my mental filing cabinet for use after my retirement. It made for a pretty cool life all in all but there were many bumps in the road as well. That was to be expected and those not-so-great memories also made their way into my mental “vault”, to lamely quote from a few Seinfeld episodes.
As a young and middle aged man I saw life in my sixties as something totally different from what it actually turned into. When I was thirty I felt twenty, in my forties I felt twenty-five, and in my fifties I felt thirty-five. It was in my mid-fifties when I first met my better-half. I’d heard the term “better-half” used for years by others but I just thought it was something people said to convince themselves they’d found that elusive soulmate we all search so diligently for. Little did I know that I would all of a sudden become a real believer. One can never know when that thunderbolt will hit but OMG when it does, it really hits hard. Things haven’t been the same since we met and I’m all the luckier for it. I felt like I was sixteen again both mentally and physically which was more than just a little scary at first. But I adjusted.
I was forced into retirement much earlier than I ever thought possible thanks to the downsizing of the state government here in Maine. I was afraid my master plan had been seriously compromised. Now I’m sitting on that famous porch of mine with my better-half, my cat, her grandson, his parents, and all of the new memories we’ve been creating over the last decade. The vault is full to overflowing, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and I see many more terrific years ahead of us.
Of course, I’m writing this to brag a little but also to let all of you know that life can be good regardless of your age. My fantasy now is to sit on that infamous porch when I’m In my nineties and hopefully remember the things I’m experiencing today, tomorrow, next week, and next year. I imagine I’ll be feeling like a man in my sixties then which should be a weird and amazing turn of events. It’s incredible how our minds work to help us to adjust to these constant life changes.
It will happen to you too . . . . . . . Wait for it!
AND A HUGE HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO MY BETTER-HALF.
People are strange. The things they do are strange, puzzling, amazing, and sometimes truly stupid. Today is just a day of musings and questions. There doesn’t seem to be logical answers for some of the things I see and hear every day.
I was shopping recently and discovered something odd and surprising. I found a rack of "duct tape" for sale in many and varied colors and patterns. There was some with tiger stripes and another covered with green shamrocks. Cool right? What’s the effing point?
My first reaction was why fancy duct tape?, and is it really "duct tape" or it is just "duck tape". I was always sure it was "duct tape" until I saw a recent TV commercial selling "Duck Tape". It looked the same as the good old standby stuff but it had a flashy and cool cartoon duck as it’s logo. So what do I ask for at Home Deport? Where do I find the Duck Tape? I’m then forced to deal with that stupid blank stare you get when one of their employees has no clue. Most people love duct tape and use it for damn near everything. But why? That leads me into my next unanswered question.
Have you ever skydived? Everyone knows that it’s one of those things that’s just so damn exciting and dangerous that everyone says they’d like to try it. I thought that at one time years ago and set out to try it myself. I spent a portion part of a day being trained on how to jump out of a plane. Stand in the door, look down, pee your pants , and jump . . . asshole. It wasn’t a college course but it was required by our local politicians and insurance companies before you do something stupid. That way everyone is protected if and when you hit the ground at full speed. I went up, jumped, came back down and rode an adrenaline high for hours. Just guess what the two things my memory has retained about that entire experience. The first thing was something I noticed as I climbed into one of the worst looking aircraft on earth. The entire interior surface of the plane was covered in duct tape (not duck tape). It looked like the pilot preferred using duct tape instead of doing regular maintenance. I thought at the time this was done specifically to help motivate idiots like me to jump out of that freaking death trap. It was apparently done so you didn’t snag anything like your chute as you moved to the open door to jump. Silly me.
The second thing that stuck with me was the young blond Scandinavian women with the tight purple skydiving outfit who was hanging around the airfield that day. After my extensive two hours of training she approached me with a business proposition. She offered to skydive with me wearing a camera helmet and to tape my entire jump from start to finish for only $150.00. She was extremely hot and I wanted to appear courageous so I signed up and gave her the cash. She slithered into the plane with us and sat across from me all smiles and moist hotness. During the flight to 14,0000 feet I fantasized about first doing the jump, surviving, and then possibly jumping her later. I knew I’d need help to drain away all of that excess adrenaline and she could certainly take care of that. That fantasy ended rather quickly when she cut the loudest and most disgusting fart I’ve ever heard, looked at me and smiled. Even the pilot of the little two seater turned around to see what all the noise was about. It took a few hours to get that stench out of my nostrils and it was just the additional motivation I needed to get the hell out that plane. She took a pretty good video of me on the way down and strutted away from the landing never to be seen again. Those are my two main memories of that day, duct tape (not duck tape) and blond bombshell farts. What a life.
My last inquiry into people calls into question their ability to recognize and identify when someone is feeding them a line of BS. As I’ve mentioned in the past, in another lifetime I was a state police officer in Pennsylvania. One of the downsides to being a rookie cop is being stuck with all of the crap traffic details the more senior officers don’t want to do. There’s a state park called Moraine Lake near Butler, Pennsylvania that is a huge tourist draw during the summer months. Unfortunately the only entrance and exit to the public beaches is from a nearby interstate highway. It became so congested at times on Saturdays that the backed up traffic would become a public hazard. This required a few of us rookies to spend our day standing in the hot sun telling citizens to keep moving because the beaches were full and there was no place to park. This required them to drive five additional miles to the next exit just so they could turn around and drive back for another try. There weren’t many happy folks after that and on a normal Saturday the station would receive hundreds of complaint calls from pissed off beach goers.
On one specific Saturday I was sent out to the park in mid afternoon after traffic had already been rerouted for hours. There was a veteran cop there which was unusual and he seemed to be in charge. I found out later he was there on a punishment detail for some infraction he’d committed a few days before. For the first time in history there were almost no complaint calls being received at the station. I found out why just after my arrival at the park. That veteran officer was telling each and every car that came by that "there were sharks found in the lake and the beaches were closed, keep moving please." Not one person questioned him or called the station to verify his story. The funniest thing was the rumor about lake sharks being mentioned in a local newspaper the next day. I was amazed then and still am.
That’s it….I just had to ask these question and I honestly never expected a reasonable answer to any of them.
I never celebrate Easter. Since it’s supposed to be a religious holiday and I’m not in anyway religious, I choose not to celebrate. As a kid my Mother celebrated anything and everything remotely religious due to her strict Catholic upbringing and education. I had no choice in those days so I went along as best I could but only as far as partaking of the more secular side of things . . . chocolate. My Easter memories as a child are all about candy and eggs but not much religion.
My Father was a living and breathing agnostic who side stepped religious matters religiously but even he couldn’t side step all of the holidays. Another of my fondest memories of Easter was the year my parents bought my sister and I white rabbits. They were all cute and fluffy and I clearly remember trying to get one of those little buggers from beneath our old refrigerator on Easter morning. They eventually grew up to be rather large adult bunnies forcing my Dad to build a large hutch in the backyard to house them. There was always a stream of complaints from him about feeding the damn rabbits or cleaning out the damn cage etc. etc. etc. Who knew it would all end in murder.
One lovely summer day we returned home from playing with some of the neighborhood kids just in time for supper. We were seated at the table ready to dig in when I found out just how much my Dad really didn’t like those rabbits. He had dispatched the little darlings earlier in the day and they were placed on the table as the entree. Needless to say my Mother, Sister, and I fled the scene with my Father left sitting there with a puzzled look on his face. He just didn’t get it at all.
I still don’t celebrate Easter and I never eat rabbits under any circumstances. It’s creeps me out to this day.
Have you ever had a really long term close personal friend? They’re a rare gift and in most cases are never really appreciated until their gone. My best friend was named Dick and he passed away approximately 15 years ago. He is partially responsible for another of my crazier Easter memories from our childhood. I’ve written in the past about the 1955 Birdville Elementary School Easter Egg Hunt fire. It’s a really funny story that I may repost again in it’s entirety on another day. Let it be said that Dick and I traumatized the Easter memories of a entire elementary school that year. A small lit cigarette turned into a raging inferno that burnt down a two acre field next to the school where the teachers and parents had hidden all of the Easter eggs. The field was burned, the eggs were cooked, and so were we. We paid a really heavy price for just a few minutes of stupid.
So now you understand my hesitation to celebrate even the silly secular side of this holiday. I hope you all enjoy your Eater celebration with your family and friends in whatever manner you choose to celebrate it. For me it’s just another fun day here in paradise. Pass the chocolate please.
On any given day I enjoy relaxing. It’s taken me a lot of years to learn how to relax after spending my working life as a six day a week workaholic. Even as a high stress workaholic I was able to relax but it was just as hard to make time for that as the job itself. I knew when the job and my bosses needed to be ignored and occasionally paid a price for doing just that. I was also ridiculed at times by my workaholic co-workers but I knew where my limits were and tried never to exceed them. Disconnecting from the everyday grind for me was the path to good mental health. I’ve always used the light-switch analogy and have advised more people than I can remember to go home at the end of the day, turn off the work light-switch and just relax.
I watched for years as retail management pushed associates into completing long lists of tasks and if they weren’t accomplished correctly the associates were then criticized for their lack of customer service skills. It was a vicious cycle that produced “task oriented” people in large numbers with a terrible customer service (people) attitude. Associates became brainwashed and unable to feel good about themselves unless their long list of tasks had been completed at work and at home.
“Stop, smell the flowers, and relax.”
I’ve been personality tested by my employers on many occasions. I’m was always considered an “A” type personality who was a great multitasker, knew how to accomplish the goals set by the corporation and to “get the job done”. Little did they know that doing their tasks was the easy part of my day but getting their tasks done quickly and making time for myself was even more difficult. It was a full time job trying to survive my full time job. I was always successful in the job but when I had down time I used it. When I was relaxing I put tasking out of my mind completely and that skill helped maintain my somewhat healthy outlook on things.
I’m now retired but I live with someone who is totally task oriented. She works a full time retail job and she has a difficult time relaxing when she gets home. She feels like her day is a total failure without a long and completed “To Do” list. I’ve been trying desperately for years to get her to turn off that “light switch” when she gets home but have only been moderately successful. I’m nothing if not persistent but she can be just as hard headed as I am. It’s a battle I’ll keep fighting because it needs to be fought.
While personality tests and reading about personality types has been regarded by some as self-indulgent navel gazing, there is a real value that comes from identifying our natural tendencies. Every personality has strengths and weaknesses, and understanding what yours are allows you take advantage of those strengths to overcome the weaknesses.
I was surfing around the Net yesterday and discovered the following list of suggestions to assist those task oriented individuals in their attempts to relax. Balance in life is more important than most people think but many people talk about reaching a balance but never actually try to accomplish it.
-
Schedule time to focus on the people around you and commit to setting aside your To-Do list during that time.
-
Consciously make eye contact when your husband, partner, or children speak to you so that they have your full attention. Be attentive and focused.
-
Go anywhere where you can just enjoy being with your family without the distraction of things that need to be done.
-
Look for opportunities to get things done in smaller chunks rather than saving them all up to do at once.
I take and make time to do absolutely nothing. Some people call it meditation and others (task oriented people) call it loafing. Regardless of the name it’s total down time where the mind can rest as well as the body. Just a few minutes a day seems to work for me. I admit I have my work cut out for me with my better-half but I refuse to give up the fight.
RELAX DEAR!
I thought today I’d show you a few photographs I took during my travels yesterday. Even though it’s winter and freezing cold with snow piled just about everywhere, I needed to get away from the house for a few hours. I reverted to my old habits, took my camera, and began my search for some old cemeteries.
“A cold and wintery resting place.”
One of the things I like best about living in New England is the number of ancient cemeteries that are scattered throughout almost every community. It seems that every large family back in the 1600’s that owned property maintained a private cemetery for their family members. Almost all of them have survived but most are difficult to visit since they’re away from public roads and on private property.
“This shows how old the cemetery really is. These folks were buried here before those trees existed.”
I became quite the cemetery visitor when I lived in southern Massachusetts back in the 1980s. My ex-wife and I owned a small gift shop and as part of that business I painted landscapes of local cemeteries and sold them in the shop. For a time I could be found creeping around the older of the cemeteries with a supply of T-shirts to stretch over tombstones to do gravestone rubbings. A great many people thought the idea of owning a T-shirt with their family name on it was edgy and cool. They sold like hot cakes. On one occasion I was visited by the local police in a cemetery where they questioned me as to my activities. Fortunately I was able to explain things to them and avoided arrest. Within a week I had supplied one of those officers with his own personalized shirt and was never bothered again.
“The day was too bright and made the names difficult to capture.”
I just love cemeteries, the older the better. It’s a quiet and serene place to spend a hour relaxing and reading old epithets. Yesterday I found a few within a short drive from my home that were accessible and not covered in snow.
“I tweaked this photo with software but still couldn’t get the names readable.”
I can’t wait for the return of Spring and Summer weather so I can search out a few more of the isolated graveyards and add their photo’s to my collection.
I’m a former Vet who is now in his sixties and I fondly remember most of my service time both in the United States and overseas. I received the following email from my nephew in Texas, also a former Vet, and it made me laugh out loud. The fact that some of it makes good sense is beside the point. I did a little editing to clean it up some and here it is. I’m considering sending a copy to Mr. Obama. He’s always looking for a good program or two to shove through Congress. I use the terminology “shove through” in the most respectful way, of course.
Send to All Vets over 60 Years Old
I‘m over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You currently can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they should be sending us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. “My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry”, we’re impatient and maybe letting us kill a few assholes that desperately deserve it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old hates getting up before 10 a.m while us old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, “I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up and killing some of those fanatical S-O-B’s.”
If captured, we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house and away from all the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course as well. I’ve been in combat and have never seen a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor have I ever done any pushups since completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy too. I’ve never seen anyone yet who could outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start up a conversations with pretty girls and he has yet to figure out that a baseball cap has a brim used to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them into harm’s way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowardly terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons coming towards them. A gang of old mean men who know their best years are already behind them. Look out.
P.S. How about recruiting Women over 50 especially those in menopause. You think men have bad attitudes, OMFG. If nothing else, put them on border patrol, they’ll have it secured the first night.
Yikes!
I thought today I would address an issue that seems to have become an accepted illegal activity in parts of our society and other societies in the world. You see it almost every day on TV, in many movies, and in everyday life if you travel to Nevada and Las Vegas. It was also responsible for kick-starting the career of one of America’s most famous actresses, Julia Roberts. It’s known as the world’s oldest profession and I suppose I’d have to agree with that because I can’t prove otherwise. It’s just an excepted fact that almost anywhere at any time in history when you get more than a few human beings living together it’s quite possible one of them will be or will become a prostitute.
I’m about to lay a gang of statistics on you about prostitution in the United States and around the world. The numbers listed are estimated figures collected from open source documents published by security agencies, nongovernmental organizations, and media reports. Thank you so much Internet.
Say what you will, prostitution is big business. The worldwide prostitution revenues are estimated to be $186 billion per year and the number of prostitutes working worldwide is estimated to be near 13,265,900.
How many times in recent memory while watching a Olympic sporting event have you heard the chant, “We’re #1, We’re #1” or U S A, U S A. It may be true in sports but it certainly isn’t true in prostitution. Here are the top ten countries by number of estimated prostitutes. As in many things these days, China is leading the pack.
Number of Prostitutes
1. China 5,000,000
2. India 3,000,000
3. Russia 1,600,000
4. United States 1,000,000
5. Philippines 800,000
6. Mexico 500,000
7. Germany 400,000
8. Thailand 250,000
9. Brazil 250,000 children
10. Bangladesh 200,000
And then there’s poor Ireland:
29. Ireland 1,000
It just goes to prove that the United States is losing market share in everything including the sale of sex. Now I’ll list for you the estimated prices for prostitution services in these great United States of ours. I’ve listed poor Bangladesh only because as far as I can determine from the statistics I reviewed that it’s the cheapest place in the world to get laid.
United States Prostitution Price Sheet
$50 to $100 for street prostitute (National Averages)
High-End Escort in Indianapolis: $500 per hour
High-End Escort in NYC: $10,000 a night
Legal Brothel in Nevada: $200 to $600
Massage Parlor: $200 to $400 for oral sex and intercourse
Massage Parlor Worker Earnings: $8,000 to $10,000
Minnesota: $60 for oral sex with minor
Pennsylvania Earnings: $2,000 a week
Portland, OR: $130
Prison Guards: $150 charged by female guards
Santa Ana, CA: Under $100 per act
Silicon Valley: $350 to $500 per hour
Underage Girls: $40 to $100 for 15 to 30 minutes of sex
Washington, DC: $200 an hour
And once again poor little Bangladesh bringing up the rear (no pun intended).
Bangladesh: $0.60
My next statistic includes the top 10 countries in the world by the estimated revenues collected by their prostitutes. It’s no big surprise the Chinese are again the world leader. The United States has dropped to fifth-place in this category behind our former WW II enemies, Germany and Japan. I’m not sure whether that’s relevant but I’m putting it out there.
Revenues in U.S. Dollars
China $73 Billion
Spain $26.5 Billion
Japan $24 Billion
Germany $18 Billion (Legal Industry)
United States $14.6 Billion
South Korea $12 Billion
India $8.4 Billion
Thailand $6.4 Billion
Philippines $6 Billion
Switzerland $4.4 Billion (Legal Industry)
You regular readers of this blog know I’ve spent many hours compiling lists of totally useless information for your review. Today I’ll be supplying you with totally useless information but only about prostitution and prostitutes. Some of these facts are interesting and some are not but here they are anyway.
-
70% of female inmates in American prisons were initially arrested for prostitution.
-
Over 1 million people in the US have worked as prostitutes.
-
77.8% of prostitution arrests are women, 22.2% men.
-
85-90% of those arrested are street prostitutes, who account for only 20% of prostitutes
-
Only 3-5% of STDs are prostitution-related.
-
80% of prostitutes have been sexually assaulted, some raped as many as 8-10 time annually.
-
59% of prostitutes have thought of committing suicide, compared to 61% of non-prostitutes.
-
In a study in London, England 50% of clients were married, or cohabiting.
Male prostitutes sometimes report that their clients include married men who identify as heterosexual.
-
Street prostitution accounts for between 10 to 20% of the prostitution in larger cities such as Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York.
-
The average age of entry into prostitution is 13 years of age.
-
52% of the women stated that pornography played a significant role in teaching them what was expected of them as prostitutes.
-
A Canadian Report on Prostitution and Pornography concluded that girls and women in prostitution have a mortality rate 40 times higher than the national average.
I suppose you’ve noticed by now that I’ve not mentioned any of my own personal involvement with prostitutes or prostitution. While it’s really no one’s business but my own, I’m not the least bit embarrassed to admit I’ve on occasion paid my own way. It was many years ago in a faraway land and it was a “Right of Passage” for some of us servicemen. Of course after looking at today’s prices I’d be forced to travel to Bangladesh to be able to afford it. Don’t forget, I’m on a fixed retirement income and I’m forced to watch every penny but even I could afford $ .60.
In the past I’ve been known to take a few potshots at politicians, both local and federal. I don’t ever intend to stop doing that but in all fairness I thought I’d quote a few presidents of both parties to show all of you that stupidity and wiseassiness is endemic to both.
I think it’s fairly obvious in this day and age that the office of the presidency has lost some of it’s sparkle. We no longer assume that any president has all the answers or in some cases has any answers. They’re just regular people who were for some reason elected into an extremely important office and they spend most of their time trying not look stupid. Unfortunately for us the majority of the time they’re not very successful.
I’m listing these quotations in no particular order. I think it’s only fair that I leave the Presidents speak for themselves so you can make your own judgments.
* * *
“Even though most people agree… I’m presenting a fair deal, the fact that they don’t take it means that I should somehow do a Jedi mind-meld with these folks and convince them to do what’s right.” —President Obama, mixing up Star Wars and Star Trek references while discussing working with Republicans in Congress (March 1, 2013)
”I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes.” —Richard Nixon
‘‘Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.”—President George W. Bush, Sept. 6, 2004
”Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.” —Lyndon Johnson
“Some years ago I became president of Columbia University and learned within 24 hours to be ready to speak at the drop of a hat, and I learned something more, the trustees were expected to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower
”I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.” —President John Kennedy, at a dinner honoring Nobel Prize winners of the Western Hemisphere, the White House, April 29, 1962
‘‘Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” —Ronald Reagan
”If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.” —Lyndon Johnson
”If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it’s possible that I’m a little too awesome.” —Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner
”My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” —President Jimmy Carter
”Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.” —Bill Clinton
”He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I ever met.” —Abraham Lincoln, referring to a lawyer
* * *
I don’t see anything all that impressive in this posting which doesn’t surprise me in the least. Presidents are just as silly and stupid as the rest of us except they dress better and have a nicer place to live. Hopefully “We the People” will never take them as seriously as they seem to take themselves, that could be a serious mistake.
You know, there is a time in your life when you’re forced to deal with getting older. It’s a little difficult because mentally we all still feel like we’re in our twenties. As in growing up there’s a process that you must experience and when growing down (aging) you must again go through a somewhat similar but more depressing process, like it or not. I think it’s just a way for us to slowly over time confront and accept the reality of our mortality.
It really began to bother me a few years ago when I received an email from a former high school class president requesting I attend my 45th high school reunion. I read the email and never seriously thought about attending. You see, I hated high school and really had no desire to see any of my former classmates. I had two close friends during those years and both have passed away. The first died just months after graduation in a nasty car accident and the second died about twelve years ago during liver transplant surgery. Any old girlfriends with their accompanying sexual adventures have long since been forgotten.
I was given a webpage to visit created by my old classmates that had updated information on just about everyone in the class. I took a look around the site and the only thing that caught my eye was the death list. It was a huge shock to see that almost forty percent of my graduating class had passed away. It was surprising but not totally unexpected. I adjusted over time to the shock and began to deal with the reality of it. I never attended any of my class reunions that were held over the years because I preferred to remember my classmates as they were and not be slapped in the face with the new reality of what they are now. Too damn depressing.
Time goes on and age continues to creep up on you. You can see and feel the physical changes as they occur and you adjust. Aches and pains continue to worsen and again you adjust. You spend a great deal of your life adjusting to changes that you knew were coming but really didn’t take all that seriously. It’s a slow and never-ending shadow in the back of your mind that you try to ignore but can’t. Every time you have a quiet moment it pops up to let you know the process is continuing.
You’re probably wandering what prompted this depressing monologue so let me explain. Yesterday I was given some news that at first didn’t shock or surprise me but later kept coming back to haunt me. My ex-wife of many years had remarried shortly after our divorce and had given birth to a son. We’d been divorced a couple of years but she still made the effort to meet with me because she wanted to introduce me to the boy. She and I had tried for years to have children but could not. We met for just a few brief minutes and I held the little guy in my arms for just an instant. Before I knew it they were gone and I never saw either of them again. That little baby boy now 31 years old had just died from a lethal drug overdose.
Life as always goes on but it was just another reminder of how quickly and easily life can be taken from us. Sorry about the depressing post but I needed to tell someone about it. No one is exempt from this aging process and I’ve done my part to remind all of you of that fact. Live your life to the fullest every blessed day. It could end tomorrow.
A long time ago in a blog that is now far, far, away I posted a four part list of the one hundred things I hated the most. I spent a lot of time compiling that list and after posting it I went on about my life. I never thought much more about it until yesterday when I spotted a few websites indicating everyone is hating something these days. After reading through almost a hundred lists I had an epiphany. All of a sudden I seemed like the calm, reserved, and thoughtful person and the rest of the world appears populated by a new generation of haters. Some how I’d been dropped very far down the list of haters and that pissed me off a little.
I took a sampling of a few things that seem to show up on many of the lists including my own. I’ll list a few to give you an idea exactly what I’m talking about.
Know-It-All’s
People Who talk Over You
Google Obsessed People
People Who Don’t Get Sarcasm
Tyra Banks
STD’s
Back Seat Drivers
Web Page Ads
Discourteous Public Bathroom Users
Liars
Loud People
Politicians
Commercials
Procrastinators
Drama Queens
Evangelists
Bad Drivers
OBX Stickers
Global Warming Idiots
Mimes
Some of those items are funny, some seem to make good sense but most are just ho-hum or so it seems to me. Since “I HATE” being left behind I thought it would be cool if I brought my list back from the archives, updated it a bit, and send it your way. After going through that process I discovered that I’ve mellowed a great deal in the intervening years and my list has shrunk to only 52 items. I was forced to revaluate the old list with the eye of a retired person. Many things that used to piss me off no longer bother me at all. It’s all just slightly amusing to me at this point in time.
So, here’s my newly revised list. It’s a very cathartic process doing a large list like this, you should try it yourself. Don’t be afraid, no one will really HATE you for doing it. Just don’t use any real names and your good to go. So here I go.
Stupid People
Rosie O’Donnell
Unibrow Women
Homeless People
Dirty Finger Nails
Criminals
Funerals
Backward Baseball Caps
Large Groups of People
Penn & Teller
Dumb Cashiers
Stinky Feet
Hairy Bushes
Terrorists
Know-It-All’s
Hospitals
Oprah Winfrey
Will Ferrell
The Smell of Urine
Women Missing Teeth
Political Correctness
Liberals
Boogers
Clowns
Liars
Ear Hair
Doctors
Large Aureoles
Dirty Toilets
Roadside Death Shrines.
Extra Toes
Nose Hair
Jehovah Witnesses
Salesmen
Vegans
Ass Kissers
Autopsy’s
Stinky Breath
Illegal Aliens
Democrats
Wet Farts
Performing Artists
Ugly Feet
Sean Penn
Stinky Garbage
Arrogant People
Inverted Nipples
Noisy Radios
The French
Hairy Nipples (On Women)
Yellow Nail Polish
Gossips
Baby Pageants
Texting While Driving
Granny Panties
Penis Caught in Zipper
Tail Gater’s, Stinky Arm Pits
You’ve been the recipient of the Official Every Useless Thing Hate List for 2014. Make up your own list. Once you get start listing it becomes almost a living thing. You just keep on going and going and going and you have to force yourself to stop.
everyuselessthing.com 