Archive for the ‘Sarcasm’ Category
I know a lot of you celebrity lovers will be interested in the Oscar section, These trivia facts are laced with the names of so-called celebrities just for your enjoyment. Here we go . . .
FIRST, SOME FIRSTS
- Harry Houdini was the first man to fly a plane in Australia – in 1918.
- Barbra Streisand’s first performance was as a chocolate chip cookie.
- Groucho Marx ate his first bagel at the age of 81.
- The first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal was Shredded Wheat in 1893.
- Steven Spielberg directed the very first episode of Columbo.
- Courtney Cox was the first person on U.S. TV ever to use the word period – in an ad for Tampax.
OSCAR INFO
- The only actress to win an Oscar for less than 10 min. work: Judi Dench, who was on screen for only 8 min. in Shakespeare in Love (1998)
- The only actress to win a Best Actress Oscar in a foreign language: Sophia Loren for Two Women (1961)
- The only posthumous acting Oscar was won by: Peter Finch for Network (1976)
- The only actors to get seven acting nominations without ever winning a single Oscar: Peter O’Toole and Richard Burton
DEATHS
- Orson Welles and Yule Brenner both died on 10/10/85.
- The only mother and daughter to be nominated for Oscars in the same year: Diane Ladd and her daughter, Laura Dern, for Rambling Rose (1991)
- Sammy Davis Junior and Jim Henson both died on 05/16/90.
- Freddie Mercury and Klaus Kinski both died on 11/24/91.
SO ENDS DAY THREE
“I cannot be bothered with drawers,”
Insists one of our better-known whores;
“There isn’t much doubt
I do better without
In conducting my everyday chores.”
My dear, you looked simply divine,
And I know that we’ll get along fine;
For making ends meet
Will be such a treat,
When one end is yours and one mine.
There was a young man from Siam,
Who said:” I go in with a wham!
But I soon lose my starch, like the mad month of March,
And the lion comes out like a lamb.”
As I promised, here is part two of the “Famous Last Words” list. They don’t need any more of an introduction than that.
“No! I didn’t come here to make a speech. I came here to die.” Crawford Goldsby, a.k.a. Cherokee Bill, when asked if he had anything to say before he was hanged.
“I know you’ve come to kill me. Shoot, you are only going to kill a man.” Che Guevera
“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” Francisco (Pancho) Villa
“I’ll be in hell before you start breakfast!” “Black Jack” Ketchum, notorious train robber
“Don’t worry… It’s not loaded…” Terry Kath, rock musician in the band Chicago Transit Authority as he put the gun he was cleaning to his head and pulled the trigger.
“Is someone hurt?” Robert F Kennedy, to his wife directly after he was shot and seconds before he fell into a coma.
“Die, my dear? Why that’s the last thing I’ll do!” Groucho Marx
“Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough!” Karl Marx, asked by his housekeeper when his last words were to be
“I have a terrific headache.” Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage
“Drink to me!” Pablo Picasso
“I have not told half of what I saw.” Marco Polo, Venetian traveler and writer
“Dammit… Don’t you dare ask God to help me.” Joan Crawford. This comment was directed towards her housekeeper who began to pray aloud.
“Lord help my poor soul.” Edgar Allen Poe
Now that we’ve laid all these so-called celebrities to rest we can move on with our lives. If any of you come up with any epithets or last-words to celebrate your own death, let me know. I have a another post on this subject coming in the near future and I could add yours to the list.
* * * * TRIVIA WEEK COMING SOON * * * *
10/12 – 10/16
All Trivia – All Week
Anyone newly elected and working in Washington DC becomes a cynic within minutes of their arrival and a power-grabbing beltway politico within days. Between the lobbyist’s kissing their asses and the ever-growing groups of citizens who want something from them, they become overwhelmed very quickly. If they’re strong of character and have an equally strong stomach they may be able to work through all the nonsense and actually accomplish something meaningful. Even if they’re successful in doing so, the powers-that-be will keep dragging them back. They just keep repeating to these rookies all of the rationales they used to excuse their own bad or illegal behavior. Your ability to remain a decent individual under the worst possible circumstances isn’t helped when you read these kind of statements made by well known Washington insiders:
- “You will be measured in this town by the enemies you destroyed. The bigger they are, the bigger you will be.” John B Connally – Texas Gov. 1979
- “Don’t write anything down, but save everything that anyone else writes down.” Maureen Dowd – Columnist, 1995
- “I was not meant for the job or the spotlight of public life in Washington. Here ruining people is considered sport.” Vince Foster – Suicide Note – 1993
- “If you can’t deal every day with having people trying to destroy you, you shouldn’t even think of coming down here.” Alan Greenspan – 1994
After reading these statements even I’m becoming depressed again. The question for me is why anyone would willingly choose to work under these kind of conditions. They all say they’re going to fix the system from the inside and I’m sorry to say but that’s a lot of hogwash. We been hearing that same mantra for decades from really good people who were elected with the best of intentions. They are immediately eaten alive by the veterans and unable to make any meaningful changes whatsoever.
I spend a lot of my time looking at government and criticizing everything that needs to be criticized. It really bothers me that even I can’t find a solution to this problem after years of watching so many good people fail in their attempt for change. I’d much rather criticize and then offer a workable solution, but I cannot because I don’t have one. Maybe it’s just my apathy with the entire political system as it currently exists. The “Founding Fathers” must be spinning in their graves.
THE MONSTER HAS BEEN CREATED, NOW WHAT?
A notorious harlot named Hearst
In the pleasures of men is well-versed;
Reads the sign at the head
Of her well-rumpled bed:
“The customer always comes first”.
As a person ages and begins to deal with their own mortality they sometimes think about the final moments of their life. I’ve observed that death can also be a final moment of embarrassment for some. People who are celebrities of a sort must think that their final words may be released to the public and repeated forever. The last thing you want people to think is that you were frightened or stupid at the end. Unfortunately many times these final words do seem stupid, some humorous, and others make no sense at all. This collection of final words has been in my files for years and has always made me think a little and occasionally smile a lot. What will I say at the end? I’m not a famous person so it will only mean something to me and possibly the last person I talked to. No one else will care.
Let’s now take a few minutes and review some of these last utterances of some allegedly famous people:
“I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away. Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.” Kurt Cobain (in his suicide note). Lead singer for American grunge band Nirvana, referencing a song by Neil Young.
“In keeping with Channel 40’s policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts and in living color, you’re going to see another first – attempted suicide.” 30-year-old anchorwoman Christine Chubbuck, who, on July 15, 1974, during technical difficulties during a broadcast, said these words on-air before producing a revolver and shooting yourself in the head. She was pronounced dead in the hospital 14 hours later.
“It’s very beautiful over there.” Thomas Edison
“Now why did I do that?” Gen. William Erskine, after he jumped from a window in Lisbon, Portugal in 1813.
“Don’t worry, relax.” Rajiv Gandhi, Indian Prime Minister, told his security staff minutes before being killed by a suicide bomber attack.
“Dying is easy, comedy is hard.” George Bernard Shaw
“I’m losing.” Frank Sinatra
“My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go.” Oscar Wilde
“I’m tired of fighting.” Harry Houdini
“I see black light.” Victor Hugo
“LSD, 100 micrograms I. M.” Aldus Huxley to his wife. She obliged and he was injected twice before his death.
“I’m bored with it all.” Winston Churchill, before slipping into a coma and dying nine days later.
“Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good luck.” (suicide note) George Sanders, actor
“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.” Gen. John Sedgwick, Union commander in the US Civil War, who was hit by a sniper fire a few minutes after saying it.
After reading these final words I know I can do better. I just hope I have the opportunity to say something meaningful or humorous before I go. Not to be too morbid but you should really take some time to think about and write your own epitaph. Stand by for Part II of Famous Last Words . . . coming soon.
P.S. Here’s what I’ve decided should be my last words: “veni, vedi, cessi”. If Latin was good enough for Julius Caesar, it’s good enough for me. It translates to, “I came, I saw, I left”
WHAT WILL YOUR’S BE?
A young girl named Alice, in Dallas,
Had never enjoyed a fine phallus;
She was virgo intacto,
Because, ipso facto,
No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.
Well, for a change its a sunny Fall morning here in Maine. Everyone is out enjoying the sunshine because they know within a few weeks we could be seeing snow. Every so often in the month of October we get the first snowfall of the year which explains why today I’ll be preparing my snowblower for action. I’m moving in slow motion today after yesterday’s dose of hospitals, doctors, and nurses. It’s a real buzz kill to return to the medical community even for a short time but on the plus side my CT scan was completed without incident. Hopefully I’ll have good results sometime today. Since it’s going to be a slow day I thought I’d offer up a few tidbits of trivia for all of you trivia addicts out there. Here they are . . .
- In the 19th century, the British Navy attempted to dispel the superstition that Friday was an unlucky day to embark on a ship. The keel of a new ship was laid on a Friday, she was named the HMS Friday, commanded by a Captain Friday, and finally went to sea on a Friday. Neither the ship nor crew were ever heard from again.
- In the film Star Trek- First Contact, when Picard shows Lilly she is orbiting Earth, Australia and Papa New Guinea are clearly visible but New Zealand is missing.
- In the United States there is one birth every 8 seconds and one death every 14 seconds.
- It has been calculated that in the last 3500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world.
- It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is “shake” and the 46 word from the last word is “spear”.
- Jean-Claude Van Damme was the alien in the original Predator movie in almost all of the jumping and climbing scenes.
- Lady Astor once told Winston Churchill “If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee”. His reply, “If you were my wife I would drink it”.
- Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was the host of Lorne Greene’s Wild Kingdom.
- In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
So there you have it, another dose of useless (but interesting) information. . There will be a posting of a limerick later in the day, this one may be rated “R” rather than my normal “PG”. Hope you enjoy it.
DISLIKE HOSPITALS AND DOCTORS . . . GIVE ME A NURSE ANYTIME
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