Archive for the ‘Trivia’ Category
It’s 5:30 am and everyone is sleeping in (I hope). It’s only fair that I start this weekend with some looney limericks to help me stay awake. Not bawdy rhymes but good clean fun for all. Then it’s back to bed for another hour of sleep for me. Enjoy!
By Frank Jacobs
There once was a skunk in the dell
Who hated all people , they tell;
“Human beings,” he said,
Always fill me with dread,
Plus they give off that terrible smell!”
*****
By Mary Mapes Dodge
There once was a knowing raccoon
Who didn’t believe in the moon;
“Every month – don’t you see?
There’s a new one,” said he;
No real moon could wear out so soon.!”
*****
By Frank Jacobs
A very large woman name Kate
Is six hundred pounds overweight;
On an overseas trip
She transported by ship
In a wooden container marked “Freight.”
*****
By Gelett Burgess
I’d rather have fingers than toes;
I’d rather have ears than a nose;
And as for my hair,
I’m glad it’s still there;
I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND
I decided to dig into the archives for a few of my favorite classified adds from a number of sources. How many of these would motivate you to call?
- Free puppies . . . part German Shepherd/part dog.
- Cows, calves never bred . . . also one gay bull for sale.
- Full sized mattress: 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
- Free, one can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 bedroom, 2 bath home.
- Get a Little John. The Traveling Urinal – holds two and half beers.
- Free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.
- American Flag – 60 stars – pole included – $100.00.
- Our sofa seats the whole mob – and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
- Open House – Body Shapers Toning Salon – Free Coffee and Donuts.
- Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35, Chicken or Beef $2.25, Children $2.00.
As I’ve heard it said so many times in the past: “You just can’t make this shit up!” After reading through Craig’s List, it wasn’t much better there. Yikes!
GIANT A-HOLE FOR SALE . . . CALL THE WHITE HOUSE ASAP
I had so much fun yesterday I thought I’d continue with more interesting but totally useless information. Enjoy.
- The worlds largest pancake was cooked in England measuring 15 meters in diameter, weighed 3 tons, and contained approximately 2 million calories.
- “Lucifer” is Latin for “light-bringer”.
- One twenty-fifth of the energy released by an incandescent light bulb is light. The rest is heat.
- A “rusticle” is a rust formation similar to an icicle. It occurs under water when wrought iron rusts, as on shipwrecks.
- One ton of iron will produce a ton and a half of rust.
- The fly of a pair of jeans is the fold of cloth over the zipper, not the zipper itself.
- Twinkies are 68% air and 32% Twinkie stuff, which means you can pack three Twinkies in the same space taken up by only one.
- Throughout it’s lifetime, an elephant goes through six sets of teeth. The elephant starves to death once the sixth set of teeth falls out.
- The Spanish exclamation “Ole!” commonly heard at bullfights and flamenco dances, comes from Allah, meaning “Praise be to God”.
- The average lifespan of an NHL hockey puck is 7 minutes. Those that don’t fly into the stands are removed because they warm up from friction and bounce on the ice. Game pucks are chilled to -10 degrees Fahrenheit for maximum performance. They are kept in a freezer in the penalty box.
BE HAPPY, IT’S ALMOST FRIDAY
I’m always good for more limericks and today’s offering is from one of my favs, John Ciardi. I’ve been a huge fan of his limericks since reading the book he shared with Issac Azimov. Two crazy smart limerick aficionados.
For a friend . . .
In a lane, a young fellow named Cooper
Committed a terrible blooper.
He had his girl bare those with more
In his car, unaware
Of a vigilant nearby state trooper.
*****
A carefree young woman named Nola
At one time in a summer pergola
Took care of three men
Again and again
And did it on just Coca-Cola.
*****
A little adultery spices
Our lives, but just look at those prices!
If they charge all that dough,
Man can’t buy it, you know,
And there’ll be a frustrational crisis.
*****
The Times tells the world what is doing;
Who’s winning, who’s losing, who’s suing,
Whose striking, who’s stealing,
Who’s dying, whose healing,
But won’t say a word on who’s screwing.
*****
LIMERICKS RULE!
Are you an avid reader? I’ve been one since a very early age and it will continue forever. One of my favorite reads is just about anything ever written by Isaac Azimov. He was a prolific writer as well as a noted intellectual. His areas of interest were many but today I’ll post a few facts he gathered concerning books since we’ve both shared a love for them. Books are great and history is even greater. How can I go wrong posting about the history of books?
- Columbus had with him on his first voyage to the New World a copy of Marco Polo’s book about his 13th century, twenty-two-year odyssey to China and back.
- Twice as many books on religion were published in England as works of fiction in 1870. Sixteen years later, novels far outnumbered religious works.
- The Library of Congress houses over 72 million pieces of research material, including over 16.5 million books and 31 million manuscripts, and costs over $150 million a year to run.
- The Communist Manifesto of Marx and Engels was ignored in Germany when it was published in 1848, and a Russian translation was suppressed by censors in the 1860’s. It remained a rare pamphlet until it was reprinted in 1872.
- The art of printing from wooden blocks with the characters in reverse was initiated in Buddhist monasteries in China. The oldest surviving printed book that can be reliably dated is a Buddhist text, the Diamond Sutra, made in China in 868 A.D.
- Euclid is the most successful textbook writer of all time. His book Elements dated around 300 B.C. has gone through more than 1000 editions since the invention of printing.
- General Lew Wallace’s bestseller Ben Hur was published in 1880 and was the first work of fiction to be blessed by a Pope.
- America’s first best-selling novelist was a woman, Susanna Haswell Rowson. Although it was a melodramatic work with wooden characters and a hackneyed plot, Charlotte Temple, published in 1791, appealed to popular tastes. It went through more than 200 editions.
- Icelanders read more books per capita than any other people in the world.
- To get her book published, in 1896, Fannie Farmer had to pay publishers Little, Brown and Company the printing costs for the first 3000 copies. The publisher refused to take the risk, saying that women would not buy still another collection of recipes. Ironically, her Boston Cooking School Cook Book eventually became the most popular cookbook of its time and a “gold mine” through the years for the publisher; millions of copies have been sold in dozens of editions.
THANK YOU ISAAC
Living in rural Maine has some distinct advantages. Less noise, less people, lots of wildlife and just enough of a wilderness feel to keep me happy. Along with the pluses come a number of minuses. Do you like gnats, black flies, mosquitos, wasps, bumble bees and honeybees? If you do, then pack your bags and move to Maine. We have them all and then some. Also bring with you a few gallons of bug spray because if you leave the house without spraying down, you’ll be itching and scratching all day. With that being said I still love this place. Adjusting to insect life is a chore but people have been making that adjustment for centuries. Here are a few interesting facts about some of those pests.
- There’s an old wife’s tale that claims if you’re stung by a bee, you should rub grass on the sting and breathe on the grass while you’re rubbing the bite. It will bring you lots of good luck.
- If a bee flies into your home through a window, don’t kill it and don’t panic. It has been said that the bee is a harbinger of good news.
- If bees build their nest under the eaves of your home, none of your daughters will marry.
- Hornets are another matter entirely. If you kill the first hornet in the spring, that’s unlucky, but in England killing the first one means you’re very lucky.
- If wasps decide to nest in your home, it’s a sign you’re a miserly spendthrift and you’ll come to want.
- Looking back to ancient times it’s reported that Pliny the Elder claimed that to cure a fever you should catch a wasp in your left hand.
- Most ancient peoples believed that seeing a swarm of bees meant good luck, wealth, and success, no matter what continent they and the bees inhabited.
- Seeing a swarm of bees is one thing but having them settle on the ground, means someone will die. And if by chance a swarm lands on a tree branch in your yard, you will soon die.
- If while strolling outdoors and you see a bee fly by stay away from its nest. If you leave the nest undisturbed it’s likely you will shortly receive good news.
- It is very bad luck to kill a bee but if you accidentally kill one, keep the dead bug in your purse or wallet. This will supposedly bring you wealth.
It seems that our ancestors were just a tad superstitious about damn near everything. Regardless, there’s no way I’ll be carrying a dead bee around in my wallet. I have a bad history with stinging insects, and I think they know it. They’re always waiting in the bushes for me to cut grass or work in the garden, and then WHAM. They get me every time.
THANK GOD I’M SAFE IN THE WINTER
I have to admit I’m a bit of a “foodie”. At one time I was confident that the food systems in the United States were closely inspected. That was until I began learning additional facts that left me wondering what I’ve actually been eating. We are a country of laws (too many for sure) but these food facts are disturbing for me.
- Ground pepper must contain fewer than 475 insect fragments per 50 grams.
- No more than two rodent hairs, or 29 gnawed kernels, can be shipped in a pound of popcorn.
- Frozen peaches may contain up to 3% wormy or moldy fruit.
- Shelled peanuts must have fewer than 20 whole insects in a 100-pound bag.
- Canned pineapple cannot contain more than 20% moldy fruit pieces.
- Chocolate must contain fewer than 60 insect fragments per 100 grams, and no more than one rodent hair.
Here are a few additional food trivia facts.
- In China, the most popular use of Ketchup is as a condiment for fried chicken.
- The top-selling candy in the United States are M&Ms. Candy was invented in 1941 and named after its two inventors, Forrest E. Mars and R. Bruce Murrie. They debuted in 1954.
- The Haribo company produces roughly 100,000,000 gummy bears per day. If all of the gummy bears produced in a year were laid head-to-paw they would circle the earth four times.
- Each year Americans spend $9 billion dollars on candy.
- Out of each dollar spent at a movie theater’s concession stand, roughly $.85 is pure profit.
EAT UP
ENJOY YOUR BUG PARTS AND RODENT HAIR
Yesterday as I was creating my lunch, I threw in a healthy dash of soy sauce. It’s my only way of eating salt without totally violating my doctors’ orders. In my humble opinion food has very little taste without it. Try eating popcorn or corn on the cob without salt. Ridiculous!!!! Since it sends my blood pressure through the roof, I’m forced to obey but not entirely. Rather than continuing to drone on about my salt issues here are a few facts about salt (trivia wise).
- Each year, 9,000,000 tons of salt, more than 10% of all the salt produced in the world, is applied to American highways for road deicing. The cost of buying and applying the salt adds up to $200 million dollars.
- Salt helped build the Erie Canal. A tax of 12 1/2% on New York State salt, plus tolls charged for salt shipments, paid for nearly half of the $7 million dollar construction costs.
- There is a salt mine in the Polish town of Wieliczka, near Kraków, that has been in operation for nearly 1000 years.
Enough about salt, I just threw in a few tidbits for the fun of it. Let’s try something else like military history. It was in the Army that I was first forced to eat salt tablets. Talk about mixed messages. Good for me then, not so much now.
- The British and French armies in World War I did not advance more than 3 miles at any point on the western front in the whole year of 1915. Those three miles costed the French army alone nearly 1.5 million men.
- The Japanese kamikaze pilots of World War II were given privileged treatment and considered to be heroes. All volunteers, they underwent rigorous training that prepared them for their suicide missions. If they refused to stay in the corps, they were shot as traitors.
- The Crusaders were able to conquer Acre, a coastal city 80 miles north of Jerusalem, in July 1191, only after 100,000 men on both sides had been killed.
- Through the six-year war of independence ranged enraged over most of the 13 colonies, George Washington’s Continental Army never consisted of more than 22,000 troops at any one time.
- On the eve of World War II, the US Army ranked, with reserves counted, 19th among the world’s armed forces. This placed the United States after Portugal but ahead of Bulgaria.
Let’s enjoy our last few weeks of summer. Things here in Maine can finally return to normal after the tourists begin leaving after Labor Day. People have been telling me that we’re in for a difficult winter. I really don’t mind all that much because I hate hot weather. I’ve made the statement many times that if “climate change” continues to make things warmer in Maine, I’ll be moving to northern Canada to live in an igloo. LOL
CHASTITY IS CURABLE IF DETECTED EARLY
I’m feeling a little silly today and I’m not entirely sure why. A good night’s sleep, some weird dreams, and a great cup of coffee. and “Ta Da”, here I am! I’ll start today with some true silliness. As I was surfing around yesterday, I stumbled upon a website called unijoke.com and it had a collection of jokes about “Little Johnny”. I’ve loved those jokes for many years, and I found one on that site that made me laugh out loud. That’s my criteria for determining funny. Here it is . . .
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch I can find with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie? ” The teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”
Almost everyone loves Rock-and-Roll music except maybe for those Country & Western folks and the Hip-Hop idiots. I was thinking about all of the silly names’ musicians create for their bands to help them standout in the crowd. I’ll list a few oldies but goodies and I’m sure you can think of many more.
STOP CALLING ME FRANK
AFGHANISTAN BANANA STAND
BUDDY WHATSHISNAME AND THE OTHER FELLAS
THE COLOR FRED
THE NAUGAHYDE CHIHUAHUAS
QUESTION MARK AND THE MYSTERIANS
THE WELL I’M SURE I LEFT IT THERE YESTERDAY BAND
ME FIRST AND THE GIMMEE GIMEES
THE DISAPPOINTED PARENTS
SHE STOLE MY BEER
You have to admit those rockers had quite the imagination and used the hell out of it. The list of silly band names is never-ending but still fun. Here’s my final thought for today:
Why is a virginity like a balloon?
One prick and its gone!
AND SO, AM I!
I’m warm and cozy…
I hear distant sounds . . .
I feel and hear a rhythmic pumping . . .
A spasm, a sharp tug, another spasm, and then light.
I AM
❤️
everyuselessthing.com 