07-28-2013   4 comments

I’m sticking with another journal entry today due in part to an incident that occurred yesterday.  After having visitors for two days and really enjoying ourselves with them this incident gave us both a reality check we really didn’t need.

My better-half left for work at 6:30 am leaving me lounging half asleep in bed.  I was just dozing off again when my cell phone started singing to me.  Since she has a strange habit of forgetting things I immediately thought I’d be forced to get dressed and deliver her glasses or work keys to her like usual. I couldn’t have been more wrong. She was on the line and sobbing and told me she had been in an accident, her car was smashed, and could I get there right away.

I dressed quickly, grabbed my car keys and was out the door in five minutes.  Fortunately the location of the accident was only a mile from the house.  I arrived even before the police got there.  She was still sitting in the car and thank God she had no apparent serious injuries.  She was badly shaken and the car was demolished.  She was unable to stand due to the surge of adrenaline that occurred and was a little disoriented by being thrown around by the impact. The person who hit her broadside was there as well and was just as shaken.  The other driver had been driving a huge SUV that suffered almost no damage except for a few large scratches on the front bumper.

It was a four way intersection with a flashing red light.  As my better-half came to a stop, she allowed the car on the road to her right to cross first. As that car crossed the intersection she slowly started through herself.  She was almost through the intersection when the SUV traveling the same direction as the first car sped through and stuck her on the passenger side spinning her vehicle completely around.

I spent an hour calling AAA, the cops, and the insurance companies.  As the car was being towed away she had tears in her eyes.  I brought her home and made an unsuccessful attempt to calm her down.  We spent the day together but she remained totally distracted by what had occurred. It wasn’t until late last night that she started returning to normal but still adamantly refused to drive my car to work for her next shift.  I knew it was important that she get back into any car to drive again as soon as possible but she fought me all the way.

I’m standing her now in the window watching her drive away in my car and I’ll probably hold my breath for the next ten minutes until she arrives at work. I really didn’t let her see just how upset I was because it would have freaked her out.  All I can think about is that she could just as easily have been badly injured or killed.  She was so very lucky.  Now I can relax a little and try to put the whole damn thing out of my mind as best I can.  I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her.

Love is like that.

07-27-2013   Leave a comment

It’s time for a regular journal entry to help me to catch up on things as the summer moves along.  The heat wave has finally broken and we’re having a few intermittent  rain showers on some really beautiful and sunny days. For the past few days we’ve had family visitors from Rhode Island who needed a little Maine getaway to clear their heads and breath some clean fresh air.

The guests arrived late yesterday evening after a bout with car problems.  It’s funny (or not) how and when batteries decide to die.  It’s never in your driveway but always on the road, miles from anywhere, and raining.  We  were up chatting and catching up until 2am and and slept in the next morning since it was lightly raining.  It gave us a chance to shop for a new battery and install it before the rain ended.  That evening we decided a visit to the Old Orchard Beach amusement park was in order and we had a great time. 

The rain stopped and the tourists and visitors were out in large numbers enjoying the cool evening air.  We hit the arcades for a few games and after blowing ten bucks throwing bean bags at balloons I won an ugly green stuffed animal.  My better-half was thrilled and I’ll probably be seeing that stupid thing for the rest of my life.  She bonded with it immediately and gave it a cutsy name before we even returned home.  Our group rode a few rides , took lots of photo’s, and had a really fun evening.

We were in bed at a reasonable hour in anticipation of an early start in the morning.  We visited a local church fair the next day.  It’s one we attend annually and really enjoy.  My better-half loves the flea market and I’m there for the excellent french fries and hot sausage sandwiches.  They have a huge tent filled with books at dirt cheap prices and I’m usually able to buy enough books to get me through the winter. 

Our visitors left after a few hours to return home to Rhode Island.  The better-half and I stayed a while longer after running into a few old friends.  She loves the raffles and spent the last hour sitting at a table and filling out raffle tickets.  The worst thing to happen last year was that she won one of the small raffles.  Now she’s hooked and thinks she’s going o win every year.  It’s all for a good cause though but I just wish she’d win something I could use. 

All in all a good couple of days as we start our march towards the Fall season.  I love the fact that there’s sure to be a small community fair almost every weekend from now until late October.  Lots of fairs and lots of fun.

07-26-2013   2 comments

I’ve always been a lover of quotations for many years regardless of the time period from which they’ve sprung.  I’ve discovered quotes from politicians in ancient Greece that remain totally applicable to the nonsense we witness every day in Washington. I’ve even found myself shocked and awed that occasionally someone I disagree with politically will say something noteworthy.  The old adage that “Even a blind man will find a pearl eventually” remains true.  So here are a few of my favorites that most of our current pols should be required to read and memorize before running for office.

“There are two parts of good government; one is the actual obedience of citizens to the laws, the other part is the goodness of the laws which they obey.” Aristotle (384-322 BC)

“The effect of a good government is to make life more valuable; of a bad one, to make it less valuable.” Henry David Thoreau 4 Jul 1874

“A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul”.” George Bernard Shaw 1944

“In this [economic] crisis, government is not the solution to our problem. Government is the problem.” Ronald Reagan 20 Jan 81

“Society in every state is a blessing, but government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.”  Thomas Paine, Common Sense 1776

“A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away.”  Barry M. Goldwater 21 Oct 64

See what I mean?  Almost everything we say or do had been said and done already.  It makes reading them, listening to them, and understanding them even more important today. I’ll leave you with that thought as I head out the door for a day of relaxation at a local church fair and then later to the beach to cool off.  I hope your weekend is a good one as well.

07-25-2013   2 comments

I have a long time friend who has slipped in and out of my life for more than thirty years.  He’s just turned eighty but is as spry and active as ever.  He’s a part-time researcher for the History channel and always has his head in the game.  He occasionally sends me interesting tidbits of things that interest him and they’re always fun to read.  Here’s one.

The following information is presented as likely topics of conversations taking place around an office water cooler circa 1955.  To many of you it may seem that 1955 was a thousand years ago but chronologically speaking it wasn’t. I was nine years old in 1955 and I’m able to remember listening to my parents as they discussed many of the topics you’re about to read.  

  • Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter?
  • If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.
  • When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon? Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.
  • I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more.  Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.
  • I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century.  They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.
  • Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President.
  • I never thought I’d see the day when all of our kitchen appliances would be electric.  They’re even making electric typewriters now.
  • It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays.  I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet. It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.
  • I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign import business.
  • Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes.  I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.
  • The fast food restaurant is convenient for a quick meal, but I seriously doubt they’ll ever catch on.
  • There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend.  It costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.
  • No one can afford to be sick anymore.  At $15.00 a day in the hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.
  • If they think I’ll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.

That’s what’s now being called the “good old days”.  Good in many ways, bad in others but truthfully a much simpler way of life.  I’m sure there are a lot of young parents now who would prefer raising their children in that sort of atmosphere rather than the one we’re living in.

Know your past.

07-24-2013   3 comments

Yesterday I was out and about running errands and enjoying the sunshine and cooler weather.  It was a perfect day to people watch and I dedicated a large portion of my time to doing just that.

It always amazes me just how much interaction with others occurs while waiting in line at register checkouts. For  me these checkouts seems to have taken the place of those good old water cooler conversations of the past.  Being in line forces us to allow others into our private zone where conversation and observation are almost unavoidable.  Normally this circumstance is a pain in the butt but yesterday it was a little different.

The store was jammed with people.  Tourists as always were underfoot and it seemed like every household in the state  had family members grocery shopping.  Kids were running around, people chatting in the aisles, and a general air of enjoyment which I thought was a little unusual.  As I stood in the checkout line the women directly in front of me was placing her purchases on the counter while her daughter (2 or 3 years old) sat quietly in the shopping cart.  She was sitting there in her cute little dress and she was people watching as well.  Young babies are notorious for flirting and this little girl was no different.   She was looking around and smilingly at everyone while she waited patiently for her Mom to checkout.

For some reason she turned quickly around and began to stare at me.  I looked back and smiled but she just continued staring.  She seemed fascinated by my mustache and started feeling her own upper lip with her finger. All of a sudden she began to laugh.  You know that kind of infectious laugh that seems to move from person to person in a group and eventually everyone is howling.  This tiny little girl couldn’t stop laughing.  I know I can be funny looking but she just laughed loud and long and before I realized it everyone in our line and the adjoining lines were laughing as well. The more we laughed the more she laughed and I have to say it was one of the more pleasant moments I’ve experienced in many months.  More than a few of us in the general vicinity were laughing so hard we were crying.  As her mother pushed their cart away that little sweetheart was waving and laughing all the way out the door.  Everyone was waving back and smiling and as she disappeared from sight we began talking together about how cute she was.

It was like the earth stood still for just a moment and all our defenses had evaporated.  We came together as a group and shared a special moment. I’m sure that many of the people standing near that child will remember that  experience for a very long time, I know I will.

At what age do we lose that child-like wonder that made that little lady so damn innocent and real.  An emotional genuineness we could all use a great deal more of.  A person could change the world forever if he or she could find a way to bottle and sell that.  I hope that little girl holds onto that honesty and sincerity for many years to come but  I suspect that won’t be the case. After she’s been exposed to the realities of life for a few years she’s sure to becomes more jaded and politically correct and I feel bad for her already.

For a moment she was a bright light that created a special moment in time that our select group of people was lucky enough to witness and be a part of. Every time I think I about it I can’t help but smile again.

07-23-2013   Leave a comment

Here’s my second installment of Beer Trivia that I faithfully promised my better-half I would post in order to get my butt out of the dog house.  I’m hoping this will be sufficient to put me back into her good graces.  I  know, I’m so whipped I can hardly stand it. I feel my manhood slowly slipping away until nothing will be left but a screaming little girl with five o’clock shadow.

I hope all of you beer lovers out there  find these tidbits interesting.  I may never understand it because I’m really not a beer lover.  I’m not even a beer liker.  Here, goes.

  • In the past English  pub crawlers had a whistle baked into the rim of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
  • In the Czech Republic, beer is cheaper than Coke. A half liter at a local pub costs just 30 cents while a half liter of Coke costs 85 cents. Beer is a little more expensive than club soda (which costs 29 cents, for a half liter).
  • A labeorphilist is a collector of beer bottles.
  • A tegestologist is a collector of beer mats.
  • A flood of beer swept through the streets of St. Giles, England, on 17 October 1814. Caused by a rupture in a brewery tank containing 3500 barrels of beer, the tidal wave killed nine people and demolished two houses.
  • The first six-pack of beer was produced by the Pabst Brewery in the 1940s. The brewery conducted numerous studies, which found six cans were the ideal weight for the average housewife to carry home from the store.
  • In eleventh-century England, a bride would distribute ale to her wedding guests in exchange for donations to the newlyweds. This brew, known as Bride Ale, is the origin of the word ‘bridal’.
  • One method of checking a beer’s quality is the way in which the foam adheres to the side of the glass after each sip. Beer connoisseurs call this “Brussels lace.”
  • 1888: Citizens of Munich took to the streets and rioted after a beer price increase was announced.
  • Czechs drink the most beer in the world per capita – an average of 160 liters a year per person.
  • In old England,  inns paid a government tax known as a ‘scot’ for serving beer. Beer lovers who left town to drink at rural pubs were said to be drinking ‘scot free’.
  • Beer recipes have been found on Babylonian clay tablets from over 6000 years ago.
  • Guinness sells an average of 7 million glasses a day worldwide.
  • The British Army supplied its men with a cash allowance for beer, considered a vital nutritional staple on long overseas missions. With this allowance of one penny, soldiers enjoyed six pints of ale every day.
  • In ancient Egypt, two containers of beer were the minimum wage for a day’s labour.
  • A barrel contains 31 gallons of beer. What Americans commonly refer to as a keg is actually 15.5 gallons, or a half-barrel.
  • A 12 oz. of a typical American pale lager actually has fewer calories than 2 percent milk or apple juice.
  • The world’s strongest beer is ‘Samuel Adams’ Triple Bock, which has reached 17% alcohol by volume. To obtain this level, however, they had to use a champagne yeast.
  • The ’33’ on a bottle of Rolling Rock was originally a printer’s error. It refers to the 33 words in the original slogan. It has generated enough mystery over the years that the company left it in the label.

That finishes my penance for writing a lengthy posting on female breasts.  I’m not saying this kind of circumstance won’t happen again but I promise to do do my best to behave. I haven’t had much success with that since about the age of  three but I’ll continue to try.

07-22-2013   2 comments

I hesitate to write about today’s subject because I know many of my female readers will take me to task.  As Groucho Marx used to say on You Bet Your Life, "Today’s topic is foreplay. Say the secret word and win a hundred dollars".

The term foreplay gets tossed around all to often when men have their discussions about being successful lovers.  It comes across as more of a joke topic than anything they should take too seriously.  Most women are out-spoken in their demands that men become more accomplished in this most important area. I can’t argue that fact because over the years I’ve found it to be true.

I think many men are good at foreplay but even they are accused at times of being unskilled.  It’s become an easy way for women to keep a man on the defensive and to force him into working even harder than usual.  It’s those passive-aggressive remarks like “Oh, that was nice but my old boyfriend wasn’t good at that either”, that can really kill the mood. I’m not being too critical of them because it’s just human nature to try and reap the most benefits from every situation. I’ve known a few women who considered successful foreplay by a man to be when he removed his pants.  As with all human beings, everyone is different in their approach to just about anything. 

I once had a fairly successful interlude with a young woman who told me up front there would be no actual intercourse.  She was of the Bill Clinton school of sexual definition in that oral sex was not really sex.  We never had actual intercourse but OMG it really didn’t matter, that  girl had some serious skills.  It was one of the few times in my life where I was totally satisfied with a developing relationship and was really disappointed when her flight was called and she flew away.  I guess that’s why to this day I love airports and flight attendants but hate flying.  Ahhhh good memories.

I was watching a TV show a while back and heard the term "King of Foreplay" used during a conversation about relationships.  I’m certainly not claiming that title but I’ve studied as hard as I could over the years and I’m close to reaching that goal.  If I could live at least seventy-five more years I might just make it.  There are no hard and fast rules on foreplay because what works for one women doesn’t work for the next.  It can be very difficult and time consuming for the inexperienced man to figure these things out.

After cruising around the net I found this list of foreplay tips on how to be a better lover.  I’ll make a short comment on each since I’ve probably tried them all at one time or another. As with everything, some worked and some didn’t.  See what you think.  For you inexperienced young guys out there pay attention and learn from your elders.

Masturbate for your partner – Didn’t Work
Masturbate each other – Worked
Masturbate your partner – Worked
Suck nipples – Worked
Role-Play – Didn’t Work
Whole body massage – Worked
Give a lap dance or strip tease – Never as Foreplay
Shower together – Never as Foreplay
Tie one of you up – Really Worked
Oral Sex – Really Worked
Tickle – Never Tried
Nibble earlobes – Worked
Spank playfully – Really Worked
Talk dirty to each other – Worked
Blindfold one of you – Really Worked
Used sex toys – Really Worked
Shave each other’s private areas – Worked
Suck fingertips – Worked
Watch a porno – Never as Foreplay
Play an Adult Sex Game – Never Tried
Drip hot wax on your lover – Really worked
Body paint each other – Never as Foreplay

Hopefully the woman your trying to seduce doesn’t require any more than two or three of them.  My advice is to become proficient in them all and begin your life-long search for that "King of Foreplay" title.

We all know who Dr. Ruth is I think.  She’s the four and a half foot tall sex expert who has the answers to every sex question.  Here are a few tips from her for  those men who are having difficulties.

  • Check it out. If anything "down there" hurts or isn’t working the way you think it should, don’t wonder about it — see a doctor. For him, difficulty maintaining an erection and, for her, pain during intercourse always requires a medical evaluation.
  • Don’t zone out. Many couples are embarrassed to ask their partner to stimulate erogenous zones that are very pleasurable but can be considered taboo. The nipples, the anus, the back of the neck — all have nerve endings. So don’t be shy. The only shame when it comes to foreplay is a missed opportunity for pleasure.
  • Stay the course. There is a moment before orgasm when many women give up, thinking nothing will happen. It’s a self-sabotaging mistake. Stay with the stimulation and the orgasm will come.
  • There is not an exact science to foreplay. You and your partner(s) should understand what you need and want from each other. While we speak about foreplay techniques we must regard before anything else that every human being is distinctive and diverse from each person else and the above-mentioned foreplay techniques have a different impact from one person to another. Accustom yourself to the occasion.

Isn’t Dr. Ruth just terrific.  I’ve always wondered if growing up at “zipper height” caused her to pursue sex as her life’s work.  Just a thought.

Research indicates more than 85% of ladies reached more intense orgasms when their partners spent more than 10 minutes on foreplay.  So boys, increase your number of  foreplay techniques and become more sexually adventurous.  It’s worth every second for you to bone up (pun intended) on your skills.  They’ll serve you well for many decades to come (again pun intended).

07-21-2013   3 comments

With all this heat we’ve been suffering through I discovered just how many things there are that annoy me when I’m all hot, sweaty, and irritable.  My normal list of annoyances has increased by a factor of ten. 

I realize the heat makes it even worse but it getting ridiculous.  Yesterday I found myself annoyed by a plane flying over my house.  The fact that it was at least 25,000 feet high made no difference.  Those bastard pilots.  It’s getting out of control and I’m praying for cooler weather before someone decides to kick my ass.

I jotted down a few more that  some of you will hopefully agree with.

  • People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
  • People who are constantly late.
  • Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
  • Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
  • Co-workers that try to sell stuff to you at work.
  • People who make small talk with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them.
  • Stores with TV monitors at the checkouts that play commercials.
  • TV shows and commercials ads with ringing doorbells or phones, which make you  think the sound is coming from your house.
  • Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
  • Fake laughter.

The more I think about this list the longer it gets.  I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll reach the end of this nonsense.

  • Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
  • Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
  • Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
  • Celebrities preaching to me about politics.
  • People saying  "What’s up?" instead of saying "hi or hello".
  • The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
  • Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
  • People who refer to themselves in the third person.
  • Rappers who thank God at awards ceremonies.
  • Mumbling, then annoyingly saying "Forget it!" when people don’t hear you.

Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.

  • Business buzz words: synergistic, globalize, paradigm shift.
  • People who dress their pets.
  • Annoying nervous laughter.
  • Someone opening a cabinet door or drawer and leaving it open.
  • People who say "carmel" instead of "caramel".
  • Overuse of the word "Like"
  • Mispronunciation of words.
  • People who are over age 21 who say the word "dude" way too often.
  • When people use the word "literally" inappropriately. I.e. "I literally almost jumped out of my skin."
  • People who bring their babies to the movies.

Wow, I’m starting to think almost everything is annoying me these days.

  • When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
  • Flood pants on men.
  • People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
  • Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
  • People abbreviating words when they speak.
  • Rude people talking at movies.
  • Barking dogs.
  • Having to explain the same thing more than once.
  • People who don’t flush the toilet.
  • When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole at Dunkin Donuts.

 
I’ve got to stop this foolishness.  If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong.  Being annoyed by myself while listing annoyances of other people that annoy everyone else.  It’s a conundrum I tell you.  I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list.  It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already so get to it.

Man it’s hot in here.

07-20-2013   3 comments

Time for a journal entry and to play a little catch-up with what’s happening in my boring life.  First things first; it’s freaking hot, second; it’s freaking humid, and thirdly; I’m freaking sweating my ass off.  There, I don’t feel any cooler or any better but it just felt good to bitch at someone other than my better-half. She’s has that “I’m going to kill you if you whine about the heat just one more time”, look in her eyes.  Truthfully she can be a little scary when provoked. 

I decided to live in Maine for a number of reasons.  I dislike hot weather and I thought by moving here I could escape the worst of it.  Well that dream ended this year.  I might as well be living in Florida, Arizona, or even freaking Death Valley.  I think it’s time for the better-half and me to consider moving north a few hundred miles where it’s a bit cooler.  The downside to that is we’d be living in Canada.  That’s almost as bad as living where it’s too hot.  In my humble opinion Canada sucks both politically and personally.  That should piss a few people off but I don’t really care, it’s to hot to give a damn.

I started out a few days ago to get into the woods to try out my new 24.5 megapixel Nikon camera.  I lasted about as long as it took me to drive to the area.  I would have looked silly with my camera and other equipment pulling a little red wagon behind me filled with bottles of water.  Just too effing hot.

The all knowing and all seeing weather forecasters are predicting a break in the heat sometime before I die.  I try never to believe them because they seem to be more wrong than right.  We had a short period last night of actual real wind.  I went out on the deck to enjoy the breeze and found out something else entirely.  Black flies apparently love a cool breeze too.  Between them and the mosquitos I was screwed.  I retreated back into the gigantic oven we call our home and turned on every ceiling fan I could find.  It was like trying to watch TV while sitting on an airport runway.

So I’ve bitched and complained as much as I care to about the weather.  It’s time to return to my life and the birthday party due to start in an hour.  I’m doing all the cooking on a nice hot grill.  I just can’t get a break.

Before I go I’d like to thank the new followers of this blog.  I hope you others visit their sites and enjoy their blogs as much as I do.  Thank you all:

Cooper1505, Joanna, Three Wise Guys Podcast, Jimmy Benton, All Most Relevant, Lampsonirvine, Marcela Cava Balsa, tedgaming, Political Connection,
urbanwallart, Pinkopolis, ikeiaconis, sexytoyworld, Chris Martin, Matthew Richards, Julian Sherman, dcardiff, Spinnos Manolis, gardenofyvonne, Frankie Leone, Mazhar, painting13, A Southern Butterbean in Maine, loveanddatingforsingles, Jack Media, Big Blogger of Knowledge, zma752,
James Curnow, and Your Daily Phil.

07-19-2013   Leave a comment

I think I’m in the proverbial dog house after yesterdays posting on female breasts.  My better-half was not too pleased with that posting so I’ve got to be punished.  It’s something that happens between us every time I step out of line which occurs more often than I care to admit.

I’ve been thinking of possible ways to calm the waters but my choices are somewhat limited.  I finally realized that the thing she loves most in this world (after me I hope) is beer.  What could I possibly write about beer to make her happy.  Besides giving her a case of cold beer wrapped in a ribbon I actually considered having a tap installed on the kitchen sink.  Hot water, cold water, and beer at the ready for quick access.  I decided that was a little more than she actually deserved after putting me on the defensive like this.

My solution is the beer trivia collection that follows.  I found so many interesting beer facts that this will be Beer List #1.  I’ll follow with the second half of the list  in a week or so.  Hopefully this will end the cold shoulder treatment and get me back into her good graces.  We shall see.

  • According to The Code of Hammurabi of ancient Babylonia (c. 1750 B.C.) a merchant could be put to death for diluting beer.
  • 1810: Munich establishes Oktoberfest as an official celebration.
  • A beer lover or enthusiast is called a cerevisaphile.
  • After consuming buckets of aul (or ale), the Vikings would head fearlessly into battle, often without armor or even shirts. In fact, "berserk" means "bare shirt" in Norse, and eventually took on the meaning of their wild battles.
  • Historians report that during the Middle Ages, when monks were brewing their beer in their monasteries, each monk was allowed to drink 5 quarts of beer a day.
  • A beer a day… Beer was used to treat over 100 illnesses in Egypt, 1600 BC.
  • In the 13th century, King Wenceslas convinced the Pope to revoke an order banning the brewing of beer in Czech territories (no wonder he was known as ‘Good King Wenceslas).
  • In 1116 BC, Chinese imperial edict stated that heaven required people to drink beer.
  • In English pubs, unruly customers were told to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down – and so began the phrase "mind your P’s and Q’s.
  • Before thermometers were invented, brewers would dip a thumb into the mix to find the right temperature for adding yeast. Too cold and the yeast wouldn’t grow; too hot and the yeast would die. This ancient practice is where we get the phrase ‘rule of thumb’.
  • Cenosillicaphobia is the fear of an empty glass.
  • In a Czech beer house, the bartender will refill your glass every time you empty it until you place your coaster on top of your glass, signaling that you have had enough.
  • The first brewery in America was built in Hoboken, New Jersey in 1642.
    Germany serves beer ice cream in popsicle form. Its alcoholic content is less than that found in "classic" beer.
  • Saint Arnold, a bishop born in 580, is considered the patron saint of beer. He encouraged people to drink beer instead of water during the Plague.
  • Anheuser-Busch is the largest brewery in the US.
  • If you collect beer bottles you’re a labeorphilist.
  • The most expensive beer in the world? It’s called “Tutankhamen” and is prepared according to the recipe recovered by a group of University of Cambridge archaeologists in Queen Nefertiti’s Temple of the Sun in Egypt. It costs US $52 a bottle, and is produced in limited and numbered edition.
  • The pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock because they ran out of beer. Although they planned to continue down the east coast, the Mayflower’s log explains the passengers "were hasted ashore and made to drink water that the seamen might have the more beer".
  • The music for "The Star Spangled Banner" was derived from a British drinking song called "Anacreon".
  • Assyrian tablets from 2000 BC stated that Noah was carrying beer aboard the ark.
  • The United States two-dollar bill features three brewers: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Samuel Adams. In fact, George Washington installed a brew house on his grounds at Mount Vernon.
  • The longest bar in the world is the 684 foot long New Bulldog in Rock Island, IL.

There you are my darling.  A partial list of beer related facts and lore that should stop this madness.  Please welcome me back into the fold with a big wet sloppy kiss and a huge hug.  I promise to try harder to be the boring and uninteresting person you’re looking for.  How’s that for a half-assed apology.

On top of everything else, I really hate beer.

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