I thought a little sampling of limericks was in order for today. I’m normally cautious when posting limericks but today I’ll throw caution to the wind and just give you a taste of limericks from the 1920’s. It’s always fun to reminisce about the good old days and some of their limericks were outrageous and unpostable. I rate these PG-13 but you decide. I hope you enjoy them.
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There was a young man of Cape Horn Who wished he had never been born. And he wouldn’t have been If his father had seen At the end of the condom was torn.
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There was a young lady named Flo Whose lover had pulled out to slow. So they tried it all night Tilley got it just right Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.
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There was a young lady of Lout Who suddenly grew very stout. Her mother said, “Nellie, There’s more in your belly Then ever went in through your mouth.”
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My wife Myrtle’s womb has a habit Of expanding whenever I stab it. What’s more, my wife Myrtle Is so wondrously fertile, That she’s giving me kids like a rabbit.
It’s been a miserable few days trying to get my systems back into operation. After four days I can finally return to the blog. It will probably take me another few weeks before things return to abnormal. This post will concern quotes from prominent people about politics. It seems to be all the rage nowadays so I decided to get on board with all of the other wackos. Here goes nothing . . .
My Quote of the Day
“Technology is a queer thing. It brings you
great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you
in the back with the other.”
(C. P. Snow)
“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.” Oscar Ameringer
“No man should be in public office who can’t make more money in private life.” Thomas Dewey
“The cardinal rule of politics – never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.” J.R Ewing (Dallas)
“Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.” John F. Kennedy
“One fifth of the people are against everything all the time.” Robert Kennedy
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“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there’s no river.” Nikita Krushchev
“Socialism is workable only in heaven, where it isn’t needed, and in hell, where they’ve got it.” Cecil Palmer
With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law, it’s a joke.” Will Rogers
“My choice early in life was to be either a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, There’s hardly any difference.” Harry Truman
“If God had been a liberal, we wouldn’t have had the Ten Commandments – we’d have the Ten Suggestions.” Malcolm Bradbury
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THANK GOD ONLY ONE OF THEM CAN WIN!
(Bumper sticker from the Kennedy-Nixon campaign in 1960)
Don’t let the title of this post fool you. This trivia is for those of you who think you know everything there is to know about pro football. I’m certainly no expert and when I tested myself on these question I failed miserably. Lets see how you do with some old-school NFL trivia. The answers as always are listed below.
Which NFL team first drafted Johnny Unitas?
2. What NFL team began life as the Frankford Yellow Jackets?
3. The first playoff game between division leaders came in 1933. Who beat who?
4. What NFL team was once sponsored by the Staley starch company?
5. Which team has lost more NFL playoff games than any other?
6. When was the last time that a team failed to throw a forward pass in a regular-season game?
7. What NFL championship was decided indoors?
8. The first million-dollar gate for an NFL championship game came in 1961. Who beat whom, and where?
9. Who were the two players suspended in 1964 for bidding on their own teams?
10. Who made the winning score in the NFL’s first sudden-death overtime game in 1958?
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Here’s a little bonus brain teaser for you. Complete this famous quote. Playing a tie game is like . . .
Answers
Pittsburgh Steelers, Philadelphia Eagles, Chicago Bears 23 – New York Giants 21, Chicago Bears when the team was located in Decatur, Illinois, New York Giants, Chicago Bears beat the Portsmouth Spartans, 9-0, December 18, 1932, December 3, 1950, Cleveland versus Philadelphia, Green Bay 37, New York Giants zero, at Green Bay, Paul Hornung, Green Bay; Alex Karras, Detroit, Alan Ameche, Baltimore, scored a touchdown against the New York Giants, . . . kissing your sister.
These facts may appear to be BS but they are not. They were researched and compiled by Shane Carley who is also obsessed with weird but true facts.
The first leader of an independent Chile was Irish.
The Hundred Years War actually lasted 116 years.
The Austrian army once mistakenly attacked itself. The Battle of Karansebes resulted in losses of up to 10,000 soldiers when one Austrian regiment mistook another for the enemy.
Surprisingly, the U.S. state closest to Africa is not Florida – it’s Maine.
President Richard Nixon had a speech prepared just in case Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin died on the moon.
The people of Loss Angeles were so accustomed to light pollution that when an earthquake caused a blackout in 1994, many citizens called observatories to ask about the weird lights in the sky. They were the stars.
Early astronaut toilets were so bad that feces sometimes floated through the space capsule.
Believe it or not as far as official records are concerned, no one has ever had sex in space.
Marijuana and the hops in your beer come from the same plant family.
You can generally tell the color of a chickens eggs by the color of its ears.
As recently as 2004, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration permitted the production and marketing of maggots for limited use as a “medical device”.
The Declaration of Independence was written on animal skin.
Taking into consideration the upcoming holiday season. Christmas was originally banned in the American colonies.
Jackie Mitchell, the first (and only) female player in Major League Baseball, once struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig in consecutive at bats.
Hall of Fame MLB pitcher Hoyt Wilhelm hit a home run in his first MLB at-bat. He never hit another home run over the remainder of his 21 year career.
Everyone at one time or another has a bad day or a bad week or a bad year. When your in one of these ruts it’s sometimes difficult to pull yourself out of it. Todays post is meant to inspire the readers and to lift their spirits a little. I hope it works for you!
“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.” Helen Keller
“Keep your eyes on the stars, keep your feet on the ground.” Theodore Roosevelt
“I never remember feeling tired by work, though idleness exhausts me completely. Arthur Conan Doyle
“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you got a put up with the rain.” Dolly Parton
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein
“Don’t give in! Make your own trail.” Katharine Hepburn
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” Margaret Thatcher
“One of the things I learned the hard way was it does not pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.” Lucille Ball
Even if you’re on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
“When written in Chinese, the word “crisis” is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.” John F Kennedy “
And finally one of my favorites:
Rules for Living
“Do not worry, eat three square meals a day, say your prayers, be courteous to your creditors, keep your digestion’s good, and steer clear of biliousness, exercise, go slow and go easy. Maybe there are other things that your special case requires to make you happy, but, my friend, these, I reckon, will give you a good life.” Abraham Lincoln
Of all the historical scientific icons, in my opinion Albert Einstein should lead the list. You would think that someone with his accomplishments would be honored after his death even more so than when he was alive. Today’s post is a story that I found concerning Mr. Einstein after his death. It just goes to prove that human beings suck and no matter what the reasoning, they can justify any weird and bizarre actions that they think is necessary. Read on and be horrified like I was.
Did you know that Albert Einstein’s eyes are sitting in a bank vault in New Jersey? About the same time that pathologist Thomas Stoltz Harvey absconded with the brain mere hours after the famed physicist’s death in New Jersey in 1955, Einstein’s ophthalmologist, Dr. Henry Abrams, removed his eyes. Abrams placed them in a jar and locked them away in a bank vault. Although rumors pop up from time to time that the eyes will be put on the auction block, Abrams maintains that he has no plans to sell them. “When you look into his eyes, you’re looking into the beauties and mysteries of the world,” he said. “They are as clear as crystal; they seem to have such depth.”
Here’s just a little trivia factoid.
The creature designers for Star Wars based Yoda’s eyes on Albert Einstein’s eyes.
And finally a relatively famous quote by Albert Einstein that I’ve always loved and respected: “I love Humanity, but I hate humans.”It just proves to me that he was even more intelligent than I thought.
The can opener wasn’t invented until nearly 50 years after the can itself.
If there are twenty-three people in a room, there is a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday. This is what statisticians call “The Birthday Paradox”.
Human beings landed on the moon before inventing wheeled suitcases.
A majority of Canadians live south of Seattle.
Astroglide Lube was originally supposed to be a space shuttle coolant.
The Cornish word for “breath” is “anal.”
The letters in “eleven plus two” can be rearranged to spell “twelve plus one.”
Some people are afraid of gravity. (Barophobia).
“Phobophobia” is a real thing. It’s sufferers are afraid of fear.
The vibrator was originally invented as a medical device. Orgasms were believed to be able to cure many medical ailments.
My Favorite
Cornflakes were originally developed to suppress the urge to masturbate. The Kellogg brothers were deeply religious and believed that the food would help their brethren suppress the urge to pleasure themselves.
The English language is brutal. I don’t envy anyone coming to this country without any English speaking skills because I’ve lived here my whole life and I still don’t have a handle on everything. Virtually everything that we talk about or speak about originally came from our distant past going back thousands of years. I thought I was up-to-speed as far as the language goes but once again I was sadly mistaken. Today’s post will introduce you to some words that you’re familiar with and others not so much. When I can I will identify the original word. As always, answers are at the end and no peeking please.
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What is the meaning of the Greek word “kosmetikos”, from which we get the word cosmetics?
A milligram is a thousandth of a gram. What’s a “picogram”?
What do “noologists” study?
What kind of voice does someone have if he or she is “oxyphonic”?
What does the word “climax” mean in Greek?
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How did the “duffel” bag in its name?
What’s the difference between a nook and a cranny?
What word originated as the nickname for a English insane asylum?
What flowers name means nose-twitching in Latin – a name bestowed upon it because of its pungent aroma?
A bibliophile is a collector of rare books. What is a “bibliopole”?
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What was the original meaning of the word “clue”?
What is the origin of the expression “on the Q. T.”?
What is the literal translation of the pasta “vermicelli”?
What were the very first item is referred to as gadgets?
What is a “funambulist”?
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Answers
Skilled in decorating, 1 trillionth of a gram, The mind, Unusually shrill, “Ladder”. In Greece is spelled klimax, From the Belgian town of Duffel, A nook is a corner; a cranny is a crack, Bedlam, The nasturtium, A seller of rare books, A ball of thread or yarn – which makes the concept of unraveling a clue all the more meaningful, The word quiet – from its first and last letters, Little worms, Miniatures of the Statue of Liberty sold in Europe in 1886, A tightrope walker.
I decided that we’ve gone far too many days without a Limerick Alert. Today’s selections are approximately 60 years old. I’ll give you a few examples of how back in the day, people wrote limericks about clothing and dress styles. These are all clean and readable for all ages, and I’d rate them PG.
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There was a young man of Bengal, Who went to a fancy dress ball. He went just for fun, Dressed up as a bun, And the dog ate him up in the hall.
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There was a young woman of Ayr, Tried to steal out of church during prayer, But the squeak of her shoes So enlivened the pews That she sat down again in despair.
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There was an old person of Fratton Who would go to church with his hat on. “If I wake up”, he said, With my hat on my head, I shall know that it hasn’t been sat on.”
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There was a young lady of Durban Who insisted on wearing a turban. When asked why she wore it, She said, “I adore it I’m so weary of fashions suburban.”
I thought today I would do something a little different. As I’ve mentioned many times in posts I am not a lover of beer. While that remains true so does the fact that my better-half loves, adores, and worships at the closest beer tap. Over the years many of my friends and coworkers drank nothing but beer and to this day I’ll never understand why. This post is for all of you male beer drinkers out there and hopefully after reading this you may understand why many women have issues with men who love drinking beer. The following is a list of nineteen reasons why a man at times prefers beer rather than the company of a woman.
1.You can enjoy beer all month long. 2. You don’t have to wine and dine a beer 3. Beer will wait patiently for you in the car when you play sports 4. A frigid beer is still a good beer. 5. Beer is never late. 6. Beer hangovers go away eventually. 7. A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer. 8. Beer labels come off without a fight. 9. When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer. 10. Beer never has a headache.
If you pour beer just right, you’ll always get good head.
A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
Beer always goes down easy.
You can share a beer with your friends.
You always know if you’re the first one to pop a beer.
Beer is always wet.
You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
everyuselessthing.com 