Archive for the ‘fun’ Tag
I’ve been an animal lover my entire life centering mainly on cats. I’ve had just about every animal you can think of from snakes to ferrets, guinea pigs, and many others. Since today is a slow Sunday, it’s rainy and gray, and I have two grandchildren coming to visit in a few hours, I won’t be able to get much accomplished once they arrive. Today’s post will be short and sweet. If you like or love animals here are a collection of odd facts which you might find interesting.
- Besides humans, the only animal it can stand on its head is the elephant.
- A newborn panda is smaller than a mouse.
- The heads of a freak two-headed snake will fight over food despite sharing the same stomach.
- The armadillo is the only animal apart from man that can catch leprosy.
- A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel.
- A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
- A donkey will sink in quicksand, but a mule won’t.
- Polar bears can smell a human being from 20 miles away.
- The world’s biggest frog is bigger than the world’s smallest antelope.
- Deer sleep only 5 minutes a day.
- Kangaroos can’t walk backward.
- It takes a male horse only 14 seconds to copulate.
- The normal temperature of a cat is 101.5°.
- Camel milk does not curdle.
- There are more goats than people in Somalia.
CAT’S RULE!!
And . . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVEY!
What’s a day without a load of trivial and useless information. If you want to know everything about celebrity’s losing their virginities this is the place to be today. In no particular order.
Jimi Hendrix – age 12
Johnny Depp – age 13
Clint Eastwood – age 14
David Duchovny – age 14
Bruce Willis – age 14
Michael Caine age 15
Charlie Sheen age 15
Madonna age 15
Victoria Beckham – age 17
Brad Pitt age 18
Leonardo DiCaprio – age 18
Brooke Shields – age 18
Mira Sorvino – age 20
Mariah Carey – age 23
Lisa Kudrow – age 31
I LOST MINE AT AGE 14 WITH SANDRA
What ever happened to all of those “pet rocks” that everyone loved? How about those fine-looking mood rings that were around for a time. Fads come and go and just when you think you’ve heard and seen it all, another bit of Fad strangeness comes along to baffle and amaze us. You might think our recent Fads are cool and awesome, but we are just the tip of the weird iceberg. So, grab your hula hoop and read on. It’s time to look at the past where our love for Fads originated.
1920 – Raccoon Coats
1924 – Flagpole Sitting
1939 – Goldfish Swallowing
1950 – Poodle Skirts
1955 – Coonskin Caps
1959 – Phone Booth Stuffing
1960 – Tie-dyed T-shirts
1970 – Platform Shoes
1973 – Puka Shells
1974 – Streaking
1975 – CB Radios
1976 – Pet Rocks
1980 – Rubik’s Cube
1982 – Smurfs
1983 – Cabbage Patch Kids
1993 – The Macarena
There’s the proof we’ve been looking for. The Fad gene goes all the way back to early cavemen. Did you honestly think that we really invented the “pet rock?” What will be next now that the “Spinner and Fidgit” fads has run out of gas. I hope the next one is a little more interesting.
HOW MANY OTHERS DO YOU REMEMBER?
It’s Sunday which is supposed to be a day of rest. Short and sweet today with a few limericks written by kids and for kids.
😎😎😎
Consider the poor hippopotamus,
His life is unduly monotonous.
He lives half-asleep
At the edge of the deep,
And his face is as big as his bottom is.
🙄🙄🙄
There was an old man of Peru
Who dreamt he was eating a shoe.
He awoke in the night
With a terrible fright,
And found it was perfectly true.
🙃🙃🙃
A visitor from Outer Space
On arriving presented his case.
“Earthlings? Inferior!
My race? Superior!”
Tripped up and fell flat on his face.
🤪🤪🤪
An elephant never forgets,
Neither messages, shopping nor debts.
He can hold in his trunk
A whole cartload of junk,
And the little ones make super pets.
I can’t tell you how many times in my life that I’ve been assured by so-called experts that things were good and ten minutes later another so-called expert is screaming “doom and gloom”, it’s damn confusing. It’s amazes me how many experts or so-called experts exist especially when discussing sports. Let’s look into sports a little and listen to the real experts.
BASEBALL
- “If Jesus were on the field he’d be pitching inside and breaking up double plays. He’d be giving high fives to the other guys.” Tim Burke, Montréal Expos pitcher
- “They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.” Tito Fuentes, National League infielder
- “I am a four-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife.” Mike Greenwell, Boston Red Sox outfielder
FOOTBALL
- “Man, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.” Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
- “I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.” Ray Malavasi, St. Louis Rams coach
- “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” Joe Theismann, player/commentator
BASKETBALL
- “Left-hand, right-hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” Charles Shackleford, North Carolina State player
- “I have won at every level, except college and pro.” Shaquille O’Neal, former Los Angeles Laker player
- “A lot is said about defense, but at the end of the game, the team with the most points wins- the other team loses.” Isaiah Thomas
SOCCER
- “If we play like that every week, we wouldn’t be so inconsistent.” Bryan Robeson
- “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” Unnamed senior, University of Pittsburgh
- “What I said to them at halftime would be unprintable on the radio.” Gerry Francis
- “He’s one of those footballers whose brains are in his head.” Derek Johnstone
YOU KNOW, I THINK I’M AN EXPERT TOO!
I thought all of you would appreciate a few relatively harmless limericks mainly concerned with anatomical issues. The weekend is in sight and maybe these little ditties will help get you through until then.
There was a young lady of Kent,
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
One day, I suppose,
She followed her nose,
For no one knew which way she went.
🥰🥰🥰
There was an old man of Blackheath,
Who sat on his set of false teeth.
Said he, with a start,
“O Lord, bless my heart!
I’ve bitten myself underneath.
😜😜😜
There was an old man of Tarentum
Who gnashed his false teeth ’til he bent’em.
When they asked him the cost
Of what he had lost,
He replied, “I can’t say, for I rent’em.”
😏😏😏
A girl who weighed many an oz.
Used language I dared not pronoz.
For a fellow unkind
Pulled her chair out behind
Just to see (so he said) if she’d boz.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Languages are interesting. Many books have been written about the use of words, but it seems they appeal to only a small portion of the population. I love learning new words and their odd uses, it’s fun! Let’s get started on some fun for you on this fine Monday morning.
- Check out these three sentences:
A mad boxer shot a quick, gloved jab to the jaw of his dizzy opponent.
Five or six big jet planes zoomed quickly by the tower.
Now is the time for all quick brown dogs to jump over the lazy lynx.
They each use every letter in the alphabet.
- The 1939 novel, Gadsby, doesn’t contain a single word with the letter “e”. That quite some accomplishment in a fifty-thousand-word book.
- The longest palindrome in the Oxford English Dictionary is “tattarrattat”. Coined by James Joyce in his book, Ulysses, as a knock at the door.
- The word “honorificabilitudinitatibus” at 27 letters is the longest word to appear in a work by Shakespeare from Love’s Labor Lost.
- The longest palindrome in any language is “saippuakivikakuppias”. It’s 19 letters long and means “soap seller” in Finnish.
- Poets love to rhyme words but in some cases it’s very difficult or just plain impossible. No words rhyme with orange., silver, elbow, galaxy, and rhythm. The words wasp, purple, and month are also very hard to rhyme.
- Here are a few more very cool palindromes:
A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal. Panama
Madam, in Eden I’m Adam
Was it a bar or a bat I saw.
THERE’S YOUR ENGLISH LESSON FOR THE WEEK
It’s a cold morning here in Maine. I did an early food shop this morning and the hunters appear to be out in large numbers. I’ve never been a hunter and I have no idea what hunting season actually started today. I just know I won’t be taking any long walks in the woods where some drunken, nearsighted, armed, citizen might mistake me for a deer or a turkey or whatever. I’ll be staying indoors where it’s safe.
Enough of this nonsense, let’s get into some other more interesting nonsense concerning one of my favorite subjects: Media and Celebrity Silliness. When they screw up, they put it out there for everyone to see and hear and here are some of my favorites.
- “To say this book is about me (which is the main reason I was uncomfortable – me, me, me, me . . .frightening!) is ridiculous. This book is not about me.” Kate Moss, Model, on her book, Kate: The Kate Moss Book
- The Duck and Doochess of Windsor.” Anonymous Commentator, introducing the Duke and Duchess of Windsor
- “The red squirrels . . . you don’t see many of them since they became extinct.” Michael Aspel, BBC
- “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” Brook Shields – During an anti smoking campaign interview
- “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean, I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” Mariah Carey
- “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.” Miss Alabama 1994, when asked “If you could live forever, would you, and why?”
- “An end is in sight to the severe weather shortage.” Ian Macaskill, BBC Weather
- “It’s not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talk show host.” James Baker, televangelist
- “We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” Decca Records Co. executive in 1962, after turning down the Beatles
- “As a prize – a beautiful riding mower with optional ass scratcher.” TV Announcer who meant to say “grass catcher”
TO ERR IS HUM AN AND THESE FOLKS ARE REALLY HUMAN
Today will be a first for this blog. I’ve covered many and varied topics over the years but today is something special. Today I’ll be discussing cows and cow poop. I’ve heard certain insane environmentalists insist that all of the cows on the planet are affecting the earth due to excessive farting. I think it’s a load of crap (no pun intended) but I suppose I could be wrong. Here’s some additional crap for you to digest (again, no pun intended) to help you make an informed decision.
- There are an estimated 1,294,604,000 head of cattle on Earth. Some are cows and some are bulls but for this discussion let’s call them all cows.
- There are approximately 4.93 people for every cow.
- There is no rule that says all these cows couldn’t potentially be eaten. There also is no rule that says all this meat couldn’t be turned into juicy and delicious burgers. Point of fact, each 850-pound carcass would provide 310 pounds of edible meat.
- Using the above information there are approximately 1,605,308,900,000 (1.61 trillion) quarter pounders masquerading as cows. At 15 cents each, buns for those quarter pounders would cost approximately $240.,000,000.
- These burgers could provide all the 4.472 billion adults on Earth with the maximum calorie allowance for 36 days. To summarize, all the cattle currently on earth could feed adult humanity for five weeks.
- The worlds 1,294,604,000 each cow poops up to 16 times per day and beef cattle produce up to 65 pounds of poop daily.
- Hold your nose for this one. 11,747,273 tons of poop are produced worldwide every day.
- Hold your nose again. Over the course of a year 15,367,758,619 tons of cow poop is produced.
- 2.41 tons of manure per person are produced worldwide annually. This much poop could cover an area two and a half times the size of Rhode Island to the height of a man. P and U !!!!
- Disposing of all this poop is a serious problem. As many as two-thirds of households in the developing world depend on poop as a significant fuel source. Tragically, as many as 4 million women and children are estimated to die every year from respiratory disease triggered by the smoke from wood and poop fires.
Therre it is. Everything you always wanted to know about cows and cow poop but were afraid to ask. My suggestion is for all of us to eat as many burgers as humanly possible and to build a three-story mansion made totally from cow poop. We have to try and be as ecologically respectful as we can if we want to save the world. LOL
COW POOP RULES!
It’s seems to be an appropriate time for a few truths. We get so much BS from the Media and advertisers that many times we really aren’t sure what’s true and what’s not. Let me lay some truths on you today for a change. These are listed in no particular order.
- Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
- Silly Putty was the result of a failed attempt by General Electric to create a synthetic rubber for use in World War II.
- A bank in Vernal, Utah, was built from bricks delivered by the U.S. Postal Service in 1916. The builders discovered that it was cheaper to mail them then to ship them from Salt Lake City.
- Carl Hubbard is the only person inducted into three different sports halls of fame: baseball, college football, and Pro football.
- The final resting place of Dr. Eugene Shoemaker, a geologist, is the moon. He arranged to have his ashes placed on board the Lunar Prospector spacecraft that was launched on January 6, 1998.
- The “Too T TrappeR” is a charcoal filter shaped like a seat cushion that’s designed to silence and deodorizing any unwanted fart’s. It comes in gray or black and makes a rather awkward Christmas gift.
- In days past, the term boner referred to a person who was a textile worker who inserted stays into women’s corsets and brassieres.
- The only marsupial that is native to North America is the Virginia opossum.
- Americans drink 50 times more soda now than they did a century ago.
- It takes about 2,893 licks to get to the center of a typical Tootsie Pop.
- The longest overdue book in the United States is 145 years (in Ohio). The longest in the world is 288 years (in Germany).
- Breast reduction is the fifth most popular plastic surgery procedure for men.
QUOTATION OF THE DAY
“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans.
It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”
Lily Tomlin
everyuselessthing.com 