Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Tag
It’s just another weird and wonderful week here in Maine. So far, we’ve had a snowstorm, then an earthquake, then a windstorm, then some rain, and a dose of black ice for good measure. It’s no wonder I hate to leave the house. Today’s post is yet another visit through the “limerick time tunnel“. These limericks were probably compiled sometime in the mid 1970’s and then published in the early 1980’s. I love looking back to search for a few interesting and funny gems that need to be redistributed to the newer generations. Enjoy!
💥
There was a young girl from Berlin
Who was screwed by an elderly Finn.
Though he diddled his best,
And banged her with zest,
She kept asking, “Hey, Pop, is it in?”
💥💥
There was a young man from Dumfries
Who said to his girl, “If you please,
It would give me great bliss
If, while playing with this,
You would pay some attention to these!”
💥💥💥
There was a young fellow named Goody
Who claimed that he wouldn’t, but would he?
If he found himself nude
With a girl in the mood,
The question’s not would he, but could he?
💥💥💥💥
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
🍀🍀🍀
LUVING THE 70’S
Now that the new year has begun and the obligatory resolutions have been posted, I thought it would be nice to return to one of the mainstays of this blog, LIMERICKS! I have a large and varied collection but today I’ll be reaching way back to 1979 for some inspiration. I hope you enjoy them.
💥
A skinny old maid from Verdun
Wed a short-peckered son-of-a-gun.
She said, “I don’t care
If there isn’t much there.
God knows it is better than none.”
💥💥
There was a young fellow named Sweeney
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch
Had a catch that would latch –
She could only be screwed by Houdini.
💥💥💥
I sat next to the Duchess at tea.
It was just as I feared it would be:
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me.
💥💥💥💥
Nymphomaniacal Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And her asshole in Buckingham Palace.
😜
GOTTA LUV THEM 70’S
There are times that self-reflection can be a dangerous and disappointing endeavor. As you get older you will tend to spend a great deal of time reviewing your life. If you’re a truthful person (at least to yourself) you may discover a number of things that aren’t all that wonderful. I thought for most of my life that I was quite the romantic. I was never going to be a Don Juan, but I thought I was able to hold my own in that department. I’ve finally came to the realization that I may have been mistaken. After all my years of reading, writing, and talking with thousands of people, it finally became clear that I was somewhat lacking in that area. Today’s post is a short collection of poetry by some well-known people whose romantic writings put mine to shame.
By Franz Kafka, “From A Letter to Milena Jesenska”
I am just walking around here between
the line (of my letter), under the light
of your eyes, in the breath of your
mouth as in a beautiful happy day.
❤️❤️❤️
By Lorrie Moore, 1957
Need: Something to lift you from your boots
out into the sky, something to make you like
little things again, to whirl around the
curves of your ears and muss up your hair
and call you every day.
❤️❤️❤️
By Elizabeth Jennings, 1916, from “Absence”.
It was because the place was just the same
that made your absence seem a savage force.
For under all the gentleness there came
an earthquake tremor: fountains, birds
and grass were shaken by my thinking
of your name.
❤️❤️❤️
By Ralph Waldo Emerson, from “Thine Eyes Still Shined.”
When the red bird spread his sable wing,
and showed his side of flame;
When the rosebud ripened to the rose,
in both I read thy name.
💕💕💕
THATS WHAT I CALL ROMANCE
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really dislike Christmas, but I certainly dislike the never-ending and relentless commercialization of what is supposed to be a religious celebration. I have to credit Amazon for doubling down on the holidays like never before because they’ve made it entirely too easy for people to overspend which in turn requires me to discipline myself like never before. Just too many gadgets, too many commercials and an endless supply of scammers who may be the hardest workers of all during the holidays. For every email I get from friends and family members, I get 100 from scammers and spammers. I’ve slowly been turned into a paranoid person like never before. It feels good to have the holiday over so I can get back to what I call normal (and I use that term loosely).
The post today will be taking a sharp left turn from the holidays to celebrate three things I love: poetry, young children, and Winter. Here are a few samples of great poetry by a few up-and-coming young poets.
By Gilliam Humphrey, Age 10, New Zealand
Winter stalks
At a steady pace.
Being sullen in choosing
The weather of tomorrow
The sour, chilly breeze
Sweeps the showery sky
The pods of rain
And minced mud
Bring forth a wintry day.
❄️❄️
By Thea Boughton, Age 11, United States
Fluttering helplessly
Buffeted, the bewildered starling
Pecks and shivers.
🏂🏻🏂🏻
By Harji Patel, Age 11, Kenya
It was a silent day, the trees didn’t move
Nobody bowed to the wind, the sun didn’t rise
The cold breeze blowed.
It was a naughty day that didn’t wake!
⛄⛄
By Diane Hill, Age 11, England
Slowly melting, slowly dying
My heart drops with the drips
The long finger of ice stretches out
And its tears roll off its tip.
🎿🎿
By David Lippu, Age 13, United States, a Haiku
First snowstorm romp . . .
Her puppy’s wet kiss
Froze on my sister’s glowing cheek.
❄️❄️❄️
A GREAT WAY TO START THE NEW YEAR
(Special Thanks to Richard Lewis)
I’ve spent most of my day dealing with a belligerent computer program that refuses to do its job. I shouldn’t be too upset since it’s a program I purchased about 10 years ago. I suspect that it has finally gotten to the point where my new computer is more than it can handle. It was a program used to write what I spoke. Now I’ll be forced to step back a few years and begin typing everything myself. I suppose I’ve gotten a little lazy over the years relying on that software. That being said I’m posting a few limericks today that were originally written sometime prior to 1960. Enjoy them unedited.
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There once was a fellow named Abbott
Who made love to girls as a habit.
But he ran for the door
When one girl asked for more,
And exclaimed “I’m a man, not a rabbit.”
💥💥
There was a young lady named Frances
Who suffered embarrassing trances.
She stripped to the skin
Before Father Flynn
And made him indecent advances.
💥💥💥
A naked young tart named Roselle
Walked the streets while ringing a bell.
When asked why she rang it
She answered, “Gol dang it!
Can’t you see I something to sell?”
💥💥💥💥
To Sadie the touch of a male meant
An emotional cardiac ailment.
And acute shortness of breath
Caused her untimely death
😛😛😛😛😛
OLDIES BUT GOODIES
Here are a few limericks concerning food. They aren’t that bawdy, but they should still be considered “food for the soul”. So, enjoy them all especially the one with those juicy cantaloupes.
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By Ed Cunningham
As the natives got ready to serve
A midget explorer named Merv,
“This meal will be brief,”
Said the cannibal chief,
“For this is at best an hors d’oeuvre.”
💥💥
By Charlotte McBee
A greengrocer’s wife, named Yvette,
Took her cantaloupes out (for a bet).
A couple of felons
Made off with her melons,
And they’ve not apprehended them yet!
💥💥💥
By Val Pohler
A young lady too fond of meringue
Let concerns for her figure go hang.
She consumed them in tons,
Along with cream buns,
Until she went off with a BANG!
💥💥💥💥
By Frank Richards
There was an old man of Peru
Who watched his wife making a stew.
He said, “It’s too thin.”
So, she pushed him right in,
Saying, “Nobody’s thicker than you!”
💥💥💥💥💥
TA DA!
I thought today would be a good day to post some poetry by youngsters. I’ve read all of the most famous poets, but they don’t give me the same kind of rush that poetry by younger people gives me. These were obtained from various English-speaking countries around the world. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.
✍🏻
THE GRASS by Warren Cardwell, age 8, United States
The grass seems to dance,
It seems to walk,
It seems to talk,
It seems to like to
Have you walk on it,
And play with it too,
It seems to be stronger than you or I.
✍🏻✍🏻
THE JELLYFISH by Glenn Davis, age 11, Canada
Dome-like top, speckled, comets converging.
Gold-green flesh, wave edges urging.
Jellylike globules, soft lattice arms,
Spiked fury, leather lash meting out harm.
Golden-smooth rods, waving whiplike with water,
Beauty and danger, the jellyfish slaughter.
✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻
DEW ON A SPIDER WEB by Michael Capstone, age 10, New Zealand
Two twigs acting as a loom
Hold a wonderful weaving.
Silver threads, simple but beautiful against the
bright blue sky.
Who would ever think this was woven by an ugly
old spider?
How I would like to have a wonderful evening like
that.
My one would never fade away.
✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻
THE BEACH by Stephen Hopkins, age 10, Australia
A gull’s ghostly call.
Fish dive to deeper water
flashing down like leaves.
*****
SPECIAL THANKS TO RICHARD LEWIS
I thought I’d start the month of October with a bang. Over the years I’ve posted thousands of limericks, and I hope I live long enough to post 10,000 more. I tried to pick a topic today to make these limericks a little more interesting. So, the topic for our October limericks is MOTHERHOOD. I’m sure all of you mothers out there, both male and female, will appreciate them.
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There was a young girl of Claridge’s
Who said, “What a strange thing marriage is,
When you stop to think
That I’ve poured down the sink
Five abortions and 50 miscarriages!”
💥💥
There was a young lady named Flo
Whose lover had pulled out too slow.
So, they tried it all night
Till he got it just right . . .
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.
💥💥💥
There was a young lady of Maine
Who declared she’d a man on the brain.
Much you knew from the view
Of the way her waist grew,
It was not on her brain that he’d lain.
💥💥💥💥
There was a young lady of Louth
Who suddenly grew very stout.
Her mother said, “Nelly,
There’s more in your belly
Than ever went in through your mouth.”
💥💥💥💥💥
DEDICATED TO ALL OF YOU MOTHERS OUT THERE
Now that Labor Day has come and gone, we can all kick back, relax, and wait for the Fall foliage, then snow, and of course the string of holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years Eve and finally New Years Day. I’m exhausted already from just listing them all. Maybe I’m overdue for a two-month vacation to any remote island filled with topless native girls, beach feasts, and lots of grog and margaritas. But since that’s not happening how about we kick off the Fall season with a few “G” rated limericks.
My laptop, with skill and finesse,
has a brain that can beat me at chess.
But with no arms or body,
it stinks at karate.
Now please help me clean up this mess.
💥
I met a young spider named Deb,
who’s become quite a singing celeb.
When I asked how she’d grown
to be so well known,
she replied, “I’m all over the web!”
💥💥
Mom said our dog’s part retriever,
part collie, part badger and beaver,
and part German Shepherd,
part penguin, part leopard.
I’m nor sure if I should believe her.
💥💥💥
Biking, Mackensie once rode
down a street – heard a “pop” – and she slowed.
In discovering that
her front ire was flat,
she said, “Must have been that fork in the road!”
💥💥💥💥
SPECIAL THANKS TO BRIAN P. CLEARY
I’m trying desperately to remain cool here in my man-cave. Our house is not airconditioned so needless to say I’ve been spending most of my time in my cave which is so much cooler than the upper floors. I’ve located fans all around to help keep my computer system from overheating and it also helps to have a fridge nearby filled with cold beer, chilled wine, and icy cold water. I’ll remain here until the weather breaks or until hell freezes over, whichever comes first.
So, let me think. What could possibly make a hot and steamy day better? Hmm! Raunchy limericks immediately come to mind, and I intend to share a few with you.
Three cheers for the year “69”,
A year of erotic design.
It suggests a position
For oral coition,
Which suits nonvegetarians just fine.
💥ARE YOU FEELING COOLER YET? 💥
There was a young man from Ann Arbor
Whose cock was cut off by a barber.
In great consternation,
He said, “Masturbation
Will henceforth be very much harder.”
💥ITS GETTING FROSTY IN HERE! 💥
There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who professed to lack sexual feeling.
But a cynic named Boris
Just touched her clitoris,
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling.
💥WHERES MY PARKA AND GLOVES? 💥
A scientist from Russia named Adam
Took a pot shot at splitting the atom.
He blew off his penis,
And now, just between us,
Is known in the Kremlin as Madam.
😁🤪🙃😎🥰😂😏
WE’RE JUST TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL!
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