Archive for the ‘shopping’ Tag
Everyday seems like an adventure to me and not always in a good way. I constantly people watch like everyone else but most things that make me the craziest occur in retail stores, specifically at the checkouts. I worked for retail companies for almost twenty years and hated every minute of it. Companies are always preaching "Good Customer Service" but it never seems to happen. The reason is simple. You need good people as customers to start with. Here’s a partial list of recent things that make me want to scream and run from the building.
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Store Checkout Lines – Just once I’d love to get into a checkout line and be rung out immediately and leave smiling and happy. I’ve been waiting for that for decades but it never seems to occur. It’s always the wrong lane for me. I could have one guy in front of me with six items and as soon as I line up behind him the cashier has to page for a price check or has to send an employee back into the store for a price because no one responded to the damn page. If it’s like this for everyone else then we have an even a bigger problem than I first thought.
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Express Lanes – Don’t even get me started. Fourteen items or twenty items, it doesn’t matter how many. I guarantee the person in front of me will have fifty freaking items. If you say something then you’re the asshole. If you don’t then you end up being pissed off all day and taking it out on someone else either in another store or at home.
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Line Jumpers – The store opens a new register when your third in line at a busy one. Before you can react, the people five places behind you in your line dash to the new register. I have a new term for you to mull over, "Store Rage". It’s these little things that begin to accumulate over the months and result in bigger and more interesting arguments at the most inopportune times.
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English Speaking Cashiers – I love diversity as much as the next guy but you can’t hire people who don’t know the language of the customers they’re taking care of. Simple right? I guess not. Part of the problem is that out of every five cashiers hired, four either fail the background check or the drug test.
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Chatty Cashiers – I hate to say this but they’re normally a chubby women in her fifties who wants to be everyone’s best friend and confidant. She spends more time yakking about stupid stuff than checking your purchases out. Please, shut the hell up, smile, and get me the hell out of the store.
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Stupid Customers- Don’t show up at the registers with a bunch of products that are either missing bar codes or price tags. Don’t ask the cashiers to do price checks for you while there are twenty people in line behind you. Could someone be any more ignorant? It happens all the time.
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Coupon Freaks – I love nothing better than being behind a women with forty items in her cart and a stack of thirty coupons that must be checked individually. The only thing worse is when the cashier discovers that more than half of the coupons are outdated or the customer is trying to scam her using incorrect products. Do your freaking shopping at three in the morning for God’s sake where you take all the time you like sorting through your bag full of coupons and the women with Food Stamps behind you can just wait. She’s probably just buying booze and cigarettes anyway.
I could continue this rant for another thirty paragraphs but I hope you’re getting my point. This posting was prompted by my last twenty visits to Walmart, Target, Kohl’s, and a host of others. I actually feel a lot better after venting like this but it’ll start building again as soon as I go shopping the next time. I really don’ t anticipate any improvement so expect another posting just like this in September. It’ll take that long to really piss me off again.
The straw that broke my back this time came to my attention from my better-half who still works for a major retailer. She’s front-end manager who’s required to babysit a large group of girls (not women) in their late teens and early twenties who really don’t want to work. They apparently live for drinking, partying, and screwing everyone they can get their hands on. The turnover is high as you’d expect but hiring really good employees is difficult when they pay slave wages. They recently hired a cashier who barely spoke English and who didn’t understand our monetary system. And they wonder why their customers are outraged when a cashier can’t make the correct change even after the register tells her how much it is.
I won’t even start with my experiences with the bastards using cell phones and texting while I wait impatiently in line behind them. Kill me I’m begging you.
Thank God for Amazon, Ebay, and Internet shopping.
Can you quickly name twenty-five things you love? Are you a hater? Can you immediately name twenty-five things you hate? We as human beings seem to have the ability to quickly list those things that adversely effect us and to verbalize them loudly to anyone nearby.
On my shopping safari yesterday I found myself rubbing elbows with the normal everyday human insanity to which we’ve all become accustomed. I visited a few businesses in the area and as always was pretty much forced into listening to my fellow men and women bitching about almost everything. I’m only mentioning it because it became painfully obvious very quickly that an infection of some sort was in the air and effecting everyone including me.
I first visited my favorite book store to make a few purchases, check out some new authors, and people watch, of course. I was in a great mood and anticipated a quiet restful visit. This is a very small store and when new arrivals show up they’re easy to spot. A woman arrived in a rather expensive Audi, dressed very well, and with a walk that showed a lot of attitude. She was in her fifties, fairly attractive, and well maintained, if you get my drift. She wasn’t in the door more than three steps when she began talking at, not to, the proprietor. That poor SOB was manning the register near the door and couldn’t escape. This well-to-do looking woman began complaining about a book she purchased a week ago and didn’t really like and wanted a cash refund. I think the term I’m looking for is "a bitch on wheels". She pissed and moaned about a three dollar refund for so long I was tempted to give her the money just so she would go away. Thankfully neither the manager nor I gave her that refund and as she marched out the door we both breathed a sigh of relief. She must have a real fashion sense though. It’s can’t be easy to hide such a huge set of balls in such a tight dress.
I then made a short drive to a nearby Wal-Green store where I was forced to stand in line behind two young ladies in their twenties. We were in that line for maybe ten minutes but OMG it seemed much longer. These young ladies were the queens of public trash talking. Friends and foes alike couldn’t escape their wrath. To quote, "that bitch was all over him last night, what a slut", "I hear he uses so many drugs he can barely function (wink, wink) and finally a few choice words about someone who is their BFF and who threw up all over the side of her car. I walked away really glad they didn’t consider me a friend.
As my safari continued I made my way to the Hannaford food store. I like shopping there because I can quickly use the self-checkout and be in and out quickly. As usual I got in the checkout line behind the wrong effing guy. I swear there could be twenty registers open and I would still manage to get behind that one customer with some huge problem or issue. Today was no different. I had about twelve items and planned on being checked out and gone in just a few short minutes but no way, Jose!
As I walked up to the self-checkout there was a guy just standing in front of the device with a dead stare and a blank look of real confusion on his face. He apparently was new to self-checkouts, couldn’t figure it out, and the longer he waited the more pissed off he became. For the next ten minutes he invited a cashier, a Front-End Manager, and finally the Store’s General Manger to help him. I was proud of myself because I just wanted to scream a few obscenities at him and loudly identify him to everyone in the area as the dumbass that he was. He was loud, obnoxious, rude, stupid, ignorant, and wouldn’t stop complaining. He actually looked over and gave me a dirty look like I was part of his problem. Those poor managers really earned their pay dealing with this schnook. I finally was able to go on my way fifteen minutes later and was glad I hadn’t parked anywhere near that A-hole. He was still standing in the parking lot as I drove away bitching to anyone who would listen.
I’d planned to stop at a couple of other places but what was the point. I was caught up in a local shit storm of complaining and unhappy people and had to get away as fast as possible. As you can tell by reading this I didn’t get away quickly enough and was also infected. I immediately went home and sat quietly for a while to compose myself and to let the infection run it’s course.
People are just so much fun it’s just a real pleasure to be around them. (sarcasm off)
Shopping in January. The temperature is nineteen degrees with a wind chill of nine degrees. Are we effing crazy? That would be a huge yes. We were out of the house running errands where we rode around in a nice warm car, would run into a nice warm store, and then return to the nice warm car. Sounded like an excellent plan to me but then again, what the hell do I know. Out of the blue my better-half decided to let me know she was jonesing for fresh crabs. Could we swing by the docks in Portland to the fish market and pick up a few? What was I going to say?
As we entered the city there were a surprising number of people roaming the streets. There must have been some kind of political protest going on because we saw a number of folks carrying their home-made signs and waving at passing traffic. It’s nice to see that those “Occupy Portland” idiots have found something to do through the winter. Fortunately the turnout must have been rather low because there didn’t appear to be any delays with traffic flow.
If you’ve ever been to Portland, Maine you must be aware of the constant parking problems. It’s ten times worse in the winter when a large number of parking slots are filled with piles of snow and ice. We got lucky and found a spot after 15 minutes of cruising around. They still get to take a shot at you for parking violations due to a stupid two hour limit on their meters. I firmly believe that the town council and politicians are paid from the parking ticket fund. I saw no less than four meter readers (parking Nazi’s) on one street dropping $25.00 tickets everywhere.
My better-half had the audacity to say “I think we should walk around for a while.” My only reply was “Are you kidding me, it’s effing cold out here. Find a store and go in.” So she did. We were then in and out of a handful of odd little shops with off-beat merchandise and really high prices. We found a place called Pandemonium which is the ultimate shopping experience for over priced crap. I again was placed in a position where I had no choice but to buy something. I found an ugly little pig clock for my better-half’s Valentines Day gift and a bottle of habanero hot sauce with a really scary warning label. The cost of those two items could have kept my car gassed up for two weeks. Highway robbery!
I could see in her eyes what was coming next. It was two in the afternoon and she was dreaming of those stupid crabs and a cold beer. We swung by the fish market where I remained in the car. I hate going in there because even on a good day the smell is awful. She was back in a wink with no crabs. Apparently it’s too cold for crabs too and there were none available, Boo Hoo!
We then arrived at a local tavern, Three Dollar Dewey’s, that we visit whenever we’re in town. A quick drink, some fish and chips, and then home.
I have to admit it was fun to get out of the house for a while. I have one additional question for you women out there. What would possess any women into going out into this cold weather wearing only a cardigan sweater, a pair of black, skin tight leotards, and a pair of Ugg boots. I saw at least four women dressed in that outfit scurrying along bitching and complaining about the cold. I’ve always said I didn’t understand women and I still don’t. You could freeze your Who-Ha right off if you had one.
Another day spent dealing with snow. Me and my best friend, my new snow thrower, spent some quality time together this morning trying to keep up with a minor snow storm that dumped another four inches of snow on us. I can’t begin to tell you what a great purchase that snow thrower was for me. I was initially telling everyone that if I bought one it might never snow again. As usual my cynical side got the best of me. It’s only the middle of January and I’ve already used it three times and I’m sure there’s more coming.
My better-half is off today and it’s been "task" day for her and by association also for me. Clean this, dust that, pick up those, and on and on it goes. At least in the summer I can escape from these kind of days by taking my camera and disappearing, with her or without her. This snow just complicates matters making disappearing much more difficult. Thankfully our home is large enough where I can actually disappear for short periods and she can’t seem to find me.
After her frenzy of cleaning we made our obligatory visit to the local Walmart. It’s always a fun place to visit when you just want to get out of the house before you scream out loud. Walmart never disappoints no matter when you visit.
We got to the parking lot and between the piles of snow and the puddles of melting snow it was a real mess. I took maybe ten steps from my car and found my first Walmart surprise of the day, a wadded up pair of what appeared to be well worn panty hose just lying there looking up at me. I normally see something like that and then try to imagine under what circumstances someone either throws away or drops their panty hose in a Walmart parking lot. Did some careless woman open her purse to put her panties back on and drop her panty hose. Maybe it was a couple of Walmart associates taking their mid-day break for a quickie in the car. Maybe it was a couple of extremely horny customers who just had to take a jump in the Walmart lot so they could brag to their friends about it. The possibilities are endless but also quite entertaining.
As I entered the store the greeter as always woke up just long enough to hand me a flyer of some sort and then nodded off again. He was a fine looking specimen who was probably seventy years old but looked a hundred. The place was packed as usual with quite the assortment of customers who always seem to be clogging the specific aisle where I’m shopping. I tried to cut down a side aisle to avoid some of them and nearly tripped over some mid-twenties woman sitting on the floor with all her belongings strewn around her reading a freaking magazine. She gave me that look like I was the person doing something wrong. Being the calm and relaxed person that I am I politely asked in my best Walmart voice "Are you sure you have enough room?" I hate when people attempt to ignore me as she tried to do so I continued with "Could you please more your ass so I can get by?" Again I got “the look” but she finally gathered her possessions and moved along. She left the magazine lying on the floor because God forbid she might have strained something important putting it back in the rack.
I saw her later loitering around in the Dunkin Donuts where she was huddled having a heavy duty conversation with a few of her freaky, pierced, and filthy friends. They were discussing the issues of the day concerning the real differences between having an actual Dunkin Donuts mug versus using the environmentally damaging Styrofoam. I again received "the look" as she whispered to her group to tell them what an asshole I was. I immediately got another look from all of them as a group which made me want to take a bow, but I didn’t.
In the back of my mind I was thinking the whole time that just maybe she was the owner of those wadded up panty hose and finding them was a karmic warning for me. Oh well, another minor annoyance sponsored by my local Walmart.
“Life is Good”, or so said on some A-hole’s T-shirt at the pharmacy. I hate being negative but in groups of more than two most people suck.
A beautiful day in the neighborhood.
Well today’s December 16th, leaving eight more shopping days till Christmas. I’ve been trying desperately to find a little more Christmas spirit but it’s been difficult. In years past I never bothered to make much of an effort because I didn’t care all that much.
My better-half has been doing her best to get me going and last night she decided a trip to Walmart was necessary. She seemed to think that if I listen to some Christmas music and check out some possible gifts, I’ll get that old feeling back. That included of course a cruise through the toy department looking for gifts for her new grandson who’s all of two months old.
We arrived with the best of intentions but as most of you know Walmart makes me crazy year-round not just at Christmas. The lunatic fringe was out in droves shopping their asses off and wearing Christmas outfits that were not only indescribable but worthy of immediate arrest for felony bad taste. I know one thing for sure, I’m not a big fan of the recent fad at Walmart of wearing pajamas pants to shop in. Not only is it a stupid thing to do but OMG could they find anything uglier to wear. I saw no less than five somewhat normal looking human beings wearing them and of course they were all women.
As we entered the Toy Department I suddenly found myself in a new and unfamiliar situation. I was being made to shop for a two month old child’s toys. Doesn’t my better-half realize that the new grand child is still trying to focus his eyes and to figure out what those five things are at the end of each of his arms. I decided to go along with it but immediately discovered what I mistake I’d made. OMG there were freaking toys as far as the eye could see. In the car I indicated that possibly a Lego set would be something to consider but there must have been a hundred freaking Lego sets filling two aisles. My head was spinning just trying to take it all in.
A short distance down the aisle were a young married couple and their child’s grandparents. They weren’t actually fighting but the discussion was a bit heated. If those four already experienced parents and grandparents couldn’t figure these things out, what chance did I have. That would be absolutely NONE. I went through the motions for another twenty minutes and we eventually left empty handed. Another twenty minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
As we left Walmart the unthinkable began happening. What’s Christmas without an effing snow storm. The radio weather experts tell me that by tomorrow we’ll have 6-10 inches of accumulation. Yippee! I think I’ll go home and find my snow shoveling gear and my magic shovel.
I’M SLOWLY SLIDING TOWARDS THE “I HATE CHRISTMAS” ZONE, HELP ME!
I’m feeling a little more upbeat today and I think my shopping trip yesterday may have helped a bit. I was searching diligently for my missing Christmas spirit and just when I found a little of it I lost it again immediately. An hour or two in a crowded mall getting elbowed and pushed around by damn near everyone can make that happen. People are scurrying everywhere and willing to kick your ass to get at something they want before you do. I was feeling non-combative so I stayed out of the line of fire and attempted to shop in a few stores. It does appear that common courtesy goes right out the window when it comes to Christmas shopping, especially in this Mall.
I should mention, this was the Mall that fired their Santa Clause last week because he was rude to the kids and their parents. A rude Santa in this Mall seems to me to be the ultimate irony. They should set up a kiosk here somewhere selling copies of the “Bad Santa” movie. I’m sure it would be a huge hit with all these intolerant and rude people roaming around. It’s ironic as hell that rude shoppers from this Mall caused the Santa to be fired for being rude. How utterly stupid.
I stood in Best Buy for the longest time trying to find an associate to help me but I wasn’t pissed about the wait since the place was a freaking zoo. Bad economy be damned as I watched IPods, IPads, tablets, and anything else you can think of going out the door in huge numbers. I’ve heard rumors that Best Buy has been having difficulties in this economy and closed stores that were unprofitable. In my humble opinion they’re just a showroom for all of those Internet companies like Amazon. You go on line and find the item you want. You then run to Best Buy, check out the item and get your questions answered, and then return home to order it on line where the price is cheaper. They have their work cut out for them if they want to survive as a viable company.
I went to the Mall office and attempted to fill out an application for the currently vacant position of Santa. No one took me seriously which really hurt my feelings. I explained that I have the unusual ability to tell parents and their kids to “piss off” without actually saying it. A smile and a pat on the head and off they go. They don’t realize they’ve been insulted until after they return home and even then they’re not really sure. My secret dream of being Santa just wasn’t meant to be. I’m going to try again next year after I spend a full year honing my rudeness skills to a level that will permit me to survive amongst the customers here.
HO!, HO!, EFFING HO!
Frigid cold last night and a very thin blanket of snow covering everything this morning. I walked outside for a few minutes and the air has that snap in it that I miss so much sometimes. When I can feel my nose hairs freezing and my face being chapped by the cold wind. These are some of the insane reasons I thoroughly enjoy Winter.
The thing I really don’t enjoy is the garbage that’s frozen to my driveway after a rather sloppy pickup by the local trash company yesterday. I needed a freaking ice pick and a shovel just to break it’s hold on the asphalt. Another of life’s little annoyances to kick you in the butt and to help you forget just how sentimental and emotionally sloppy your becoming over a little cold air and a brisk wind. I worry about myself a little when I begin waxing philosophic about weather changes.
Maybe it’s just this junior league hangover I’m sporting this morning. A few too many glasses of a reasonably good Chardonnay will do it to you every time.
I’m being forced by the passing days to complete my Christmas shopping but I can’t seem to get motivated about the holidays thus far. I’ve been avoiding the crowds and the all of the Christmas related decorations and music just through a total lack of interest. I’m hoping for a minor miracle that will somehow infuse me with that hard to find spirit just to keep my better-half happy.
I may be forced to surprise her when she gets home later today. I’ll unpack that beautiful eight foot fake Christmas tree and get it set up for her. I’ll need EMT’s standing by if I do because the shock might kill her. But . . . If I’m foolish enough to set up that tree then chaos will certainly follow. Before she goes to work tomorrow there will be boxes of ornaments, strings of lights, and dozens of feet of tinsel awaiting me. “You were so sweet to put up the tree for me, how about finishing the rest of the decorating today?”. I may have to take a short break, have a coffee, and then have my freaking head examined. Why in Gods name would I do that to myself. Wait just a second . . . .
. . . . OK I’m back. I went away for a while to a happy place where my inner voices told me to shut up, forget the damn decorations, and stop being stupid. Thank God for them. I’m getting in my car and taking my camera to begin another search for a few of those elusive Kodak moments anywhere but where Christmas music is playing.
FA, LA, LA, LA ,LA . . . .. LA ,LA, LA, LA!
The day after any holiday can sometimes be better than the holiday itself. I feel bad for my better-half who was up and on her way at 3:30 am to her retail nightmare. Black Friday in my opinion has always been the worst day of the year. I spent way too many years working on Black Friday and dealing with complete and total idiots in extremely large numbers. She actually asked if I would make a coffee run in late morning and visit her at the store. I love ya honey but no effing way. Twenty-five years of retail adventures on this day convinced me to be a selfish ass and refuse her request.
My better-half is a shopping freak and she can’t wait to get off work to go shopping. She is the ultimate glutton for punishment. Then I’ll be forced to listen for an hour after she gets home tonight to “OMG I’m so tired”, OMG My feet hurt”, OMG People are idiots”, and on and on and on. She spent a portion of Thanksgiving Day sitting on the living room floor with her daughter going through newspaper coupons and discussing their shopping strategy. General Eisenhower spent less time preparing for D-Day.
Unfortunately the daughter’s husband of one year is about to lose his “shopping cherry”. Being officially married for one year yesterday made him the prime candidate to hit the shopping trail with the wife and new baby. Isn’t true love a bitch sometimes. I didn’t harass him much about it yesterday because we should all attempt to be nice on Thanksgiving but I could see from the look on his face he just wasn’t looking forward to any of it. Who wouldn’t prefer a football game to having to rub elbows with the “great unwashed”.
Enough of my pessimism. I’m relaxing in my man cave, watching a Steven Seagal movie, and blogging my life away. I have a good cup of coffee and a huge turkey sandwich to carry me through until dinner. The cat’s sleeping in his chair next to me and he’s happy as hell too. I can relax until sometime this evening when the shopping storm troopers arrive. I might even sneak in a power nap to prepare for their arrival.
Life can be good if you let it.
Today started out reasonably well. For a change I slept in till nine and when I awoke found my cat asleep at my feet. That explained why he hadn’t been nagging me for his breakfast. My better-half surprised both the cat and me by getting up early and feeding him. NICE!
I made the journey into the dark recesses of my man-cave and posted my blog without too much editing. NICE AGAIN!
My better-half loudly entered my man-cave without written permission to let me know we’d be going shopping in ten minutes. OKAY BUT NOT SO NICE.
We arrive at the supermarket and all of my nice feelings started to fade. The place was packed with people all scurrying around which led me to believe that another “world ending” storm of “biblical proportions” might be approaching. My better-half who monitors weather reporting religiously immediately set me straight and we continued on the shopping safari. NOT NICE.
As always I was minding my own business and cruising the aisles when I made a wrong turn and my worst nightmare was realized. Just so you know I’m a bit claustrophobic. Not only was I trapped by groups of shoppers but someone nearby was really stinking up the place. I’ve smelled my share of BO but OMFG this was more than a little offensive. I pinpointed the man in question fairly easily because ten other customers were desperately trying to get the hell away from him in state of panic. He looked relatively normal, was nicely dressed, and appeared well groomed. To quote a M*A*S*H episode, “if you took a rotten egg and put it in a dirty sock and hid it under your bed for a week” would just about cover this guy’s aroma. His one obvious handicap was his own lack of a sense of smell. REALLY NOT NICE.
I escaped finally and finished my shopping but when I spotted that dude heading for the checkout register I gave him all the room I could. He made his way through the checkout line and stopped at the cashier. The faces being made and the nasty looks he received were blatantly obvious but had no noticeable effect on him. We made it back to our car and drove away. OKAY BUT STILL NOT NICE.
Arrived home. NICE!
Well, we’re ten days into the month of November and it’s hard to believe that just a few short weeks ago I was sitting on my deck wearing a T-shirt and shorts and enjoying the warm weather. In my attempt to be optimistic I refuse to think that for the next long, boring, and weather beaten five months I’ll be housebound.
Today is a day of odds and ends. I first went to the granddaddy of all retailers, Walmart, to pick up a few things and to enjoy a reasonably nice day. Walmart as usual is a freaking zoo. Just pulling into the parking lot is an adventure where all those years of amusement park bumper cars finally paid off. It’s a Friday morning in November at 7:15 am and I was hard-pressed to find a decent parking spot. The lot was full, people wandering everywhere, and none paying the slightest attention to the moving vehicles. It was a good morning to play “idiot hockey” and test the reflexes of all the late night partiers stumbling into the Dunkin Donuts inside the Walmart. They were pretty nimble and were still moving quickly enough to avoid a vinyl bumper up their ass. I guess I’m showing my lack of patience but I really don’t care. The only thing worse than a discourteous driver is a discourteous pedestrian and I’m surprised and shocked that more of them aren’t seriously injured on a regular basis. Oh well enough of my complaining it’s time to get into the store, do my shopping, and get the hell out.
The store was fairly crowded with the normal oddballs and yahoo’s roaming around and giving us other humans something to talk about. I needed a few dietary supplements so I wandered over towards the pharmacy. As I’m walking down the aisle near the condoms I overhear two women in a rather heated discussion about which ones were the best? Should we get ribbed or lubricated? You can’t buy that size, he’s not that big. This went on for a few minutes and I found a label to read on a nearby product because I didn’t want to miss anything. I had to chuckle a few times and try not to be too obvious but my presence didn’t seem to faze them at all. They were reading the box descriptions out loud to each other, comparing notes, and laughing hysterically. Gone are the days when we men were forced to sneak into drugstores and buy condoms on the QT. I suppose it’s only fair these days that I’m occasionally required to buy feminine hygiene products for my better-half.
I thought about those ladies and their conversation all the way home. I’ve never been a big fan of condoms and when possible I wouldn’t use them. Fortunately for me when I was acting wild and crazy STD’s weren’t as a big an issue as they are today. All I had to do then was determine if the woman I was pursuing was on the pill or not. If not, I proceeded on to the next possible partner. The way things are these days I wouldn’t attempt sex with a any partner unless I wore a body condom. Bearing all that in mind when I got home I decided to do a little research on condoms. I have a fairly extensive library of books containing tons and tons of totally useless information and trivia. It took me about 10 min. to find what I was looking for and I’m making it available to you free of charge. You just can’t have enough information about condoms.
Condoms have been with us much longer than you might have imagined. Condoms are supposedly named after the apocryphal,”Dr. Condom”, or Conton, who is supposed to have made them for Charles II, out of lamb’s intestines, which were dried and then well oiled. The mail sheath, however, had been around long before the time of Charles II. Before the time of Christ, the Chinese made them with oiled silk paper (the first lubricated condoms). It is rumored that Roman soldiers would make condoms from the muscle tissue of their defeated foes. By mid-evil times, the spread of syphilis increased the use of condoms greatly. In the 1800s condoms were made from animal intestines that were soaked in an alkaline solution, scraped, disinfected with the vapor of burning brimstone, washed, insulated, dried, cut to approximately 7 inches, and fitted with a ribbon on the open end. The Catholic Church wasn’t too crazy about this prophylactic profusion and in 1826 Pope Leo the XIII condemned their use. Despite the objections of his Holiness, condoms were here to stay!
Making this detailed history of condoms available should be considered my November public service announcement.
You’re very welcome.
everyuselessthing.com 