I think it’s time for a serious rant about this wonderful but addictive society we’re all members of. For years we’ve been slowly retrained to believe that every bad thing we do isn’t our fault. It’s the fault of our parents, our teachers, our bad friends, and last but not least, because of our genetic predisposition for addiction. What it’s finally come down to in this country is the fact that we are not permitted to like anything too much.
When I was growing up we had addictions but in my opinion they were the real deal, drugs and alcohol. It wasn’t until the liberals and courts opened Pandora’s Box and decided that those addictions were really just serious medical conditions. That’s when our real problems began. Those terrible addictions were first declared a sickness, then an excuse for a disability check, and now it’s become the rationale for every bit of bad behavior you can think of. If you like candy too much, you’re addicted to candy. If you like scratching your ass, you’re labeled an addictive ass scratcher. It’s the current trend to label any activity someone likes a little too much as an addiction.
It’s not our fault that we drink too much, take illicit drugs, steal, murder, rape, and assault our children. We can’t help it, it’s a medical issue. We should never be prosecuted or jailed for our bad behavior, just cut us a government disability check because we’re addicted. We’ve become a society that just can’t or won’t deal with personal responsibility.
Government and courts are as responsible as anyone for this. You can commit heinous crimes against society but before you can be convicted you’re required to meet with lawyers, therapists, counselors, priests, nuns, and every once in a while an actual member of law enforcement. You can meet with law enforcement but the Miranda ruling forbids you from talking to them without an attorney present.
The nanny state has made it impossible to deter crime by consistently attempting to remove all of the tools available to law enforcement. If the liberals have their way they would abolish the death penalty and take away all rights from the citizenry to own and carry weapons for their own protection. That will put us all at the mercy of the criminal element who will be armed and dangerous and preying on us at will.
I could easily list three hundred addictions currently available for people to help them escape responsibility. I won’t list them all because most right-thinking people already know how big the list is and what’s on it.
I’ve had my own set of terribly dangerous addictions that I’m forced to deal with everyday. I love eating good food, drinking good wine, watching beautiful women, playing video games, and many others. I’m sure it won’t be long before I’ll also be able to collect a big fat disability check for these terrible addictions.
Maybe under the Biden Administration I can find the help that I obviously need. Maybe I should just turn myself in to the authorities before I’m forced by my medical conditions to commit a crime of some sort. Then I’ll be eligible for free therapy sessions (court-mandated) that will cost the taxpayers thousands of dollars. I’ll get a free court appointed attorney who’ll take me by the hand and lead me to the promised land of free money, free food, and freedom from prosecution due to my medical difficulties. Isn’t America wonderful? Land of the free, not hardly, and home of the brave, not hardly. The only bravery I see these days is from those citizens who’ve volunteered to serve their country by wearing the uniform of our military.
I’ve mentioned on many occasions about how my family and friends supply me with odd bits of information. It started decades ago and over the years I’ve read thousands of tidbits of information, sayings and quotations. When I found one that really grabbed me I’d write it down in my notebook. I’m going to list a number of them here today because I’m sure you’ll enjoy them. I don’t know the authors of many of these but that’s totally irrelevant. It’s the information that’s interesting, not so much the person who supplied it. I feel these sayings are worth repeating. Here they are…
Everyone lies about sex.
Religious men are fools!. Fools should be taken lightly.
The 10 best years of a woman’s life are between the ages of 29 and 30.
A parent is a little kid pretending to be a big kid so his little kid won’t be afraid.
Being involved with two women is like playing pool on two tables. You may have enough balls for it but you’ll wear out your stick.
When angry, count to 4; when very angry, swear.
A yawn is a silent shout.
The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom respectable.
There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings.
There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.
Chastity is curable if detected early.
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.
If Christian nations were nations of Christians, there would be no wars.
Colleges don’t make fools, they only develop them.
Common Sense could prevent most divorces and all marriages.
* * *
Well there you have it. Today’s list of interesting and sometimes humorous thoughts and quotations. There will be more to come in the near future.
For me today is what could be called a slow news day. A slow news days also give me a little extra time to surf the web and go through my old files and emails looking for things of interest. I’ve been collecting emails and handwritten notes from family, friends, and business associates for many years. It seems that the people who know me best love to send me every fragment of useless information they can find. Bits and pieces of semi-interesting facts collected from just about everywhere.
The following items are probably available in a thousand different locations and websites but again, I don’t care. If you enjoy stupid trivia and dumb facts then you’re my kind of person and you’ve come to the right place today. So… Away we go.
10% of the Russian government’s income comes from the sale of vodka.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
Only one person in 2 billion lives to be 116 years or older.
Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag sold at auction in 1992 for $6,600.
The world’s termites outweigh the world’s humans 10 to 1.
Many years ago in England, some pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic mugs. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the phrase inspired by this practice.
There’s a lawsuit filed every 30 seconds in the United States.
The average adult male shaves off one pound of beard hair per year.
Men get hiccups more often than women do.
On average, people spend more than five years of their lives dreaming.
In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow two meters of nose hair.
The average American make six trips to the bathroom each day; that’s about 2 and 1/2 years of your life down the drain.
The average American spends six months sitting at red lights throughout his or her lifetime.
By the age of 75, the average American has created about a hundred and ten thousand pounds of garbage.
An estimated 6,000 American teenagers lose their virginity everyday.
Well there you have it. A massive steaming pile of information which is utterly worthless unless you’re a trivia addict. This post allowed me to clear a little space on my hard drive, thank you very much, and now I can breathlessly await the arrival of more of this “flotsam and jetsam” from “hither and yon”.
I would like to publicly announce that I’ve had a liberal Democratic epiphany. They’ve worn me down over the years and now I’m ready to convert to the dark side. As payment for my entry into their world of make-believe I’ve developed a sure-fire program to eliminate illegal immigration and all of the governmental costs associated with it. Ted Kennedy would be soooooooooooo proud of me.
My new program will be called the “Need It Now, Want It Now” or NITWIT program for all of you Democrats who survive only by creating cutesy names for tax eating government programs. It’s a three-step process beginning with the Presidential announcement that all border posts will be removed, all fences torn down, and all Immigration and Naturalization (ICE) employees will be terminated. The term *illegal immigrant” will be outlawed from use in the United States. Any Mexican or foreigner will automatically become a U.S. Citizen as soon as they set foot on our soil. See how simple it was for me to solve the illegal immigration problem. One sweep of King Biden’s magic pen. It worked so well for President Trump why not use it again.
Step two will involve the closing of 50% of the truck stops and rest areas on all main highways leading into the southwestern United States. They will be rebuilt along all of the major smuggling routes entering the US from Mexico. These way-stations will be placed every five miles on routes through the desert and be manned by the recently terminated ICE employees. These former employees will be given the opportunity to make amends to all of the new citizens by joining the army of diversity loving soldiers in the war on Mexican discrimination.
These way-stations will also be responsible for feeding, watering, clothing, and assisting all Mexicans making their way north to the land of “milk and honey”. Included at each way-station will be a Democratic Party voter registration booth where our new citizens can sign up, be given free food stamps, a map of the United States, and $500 in government chits to be used for food, drugs, or alcohol, their choice. They will also be introduced to their new adoptive American family in Step 3 of this program.
The third and last step of my new program will be called the “Citizen Recovery and Adoption Program” or CRAP for short. It will be mandatory that all families living within 500 miles of the southern border with Mexico be required to adopt a Mexican who will live in their home where they can become better acclimated to our country and society. Our citizens must house them, feed them, clothe them, educate them, and supply them with healthcare and spending money. They must be given a vehicle and sufficient money to buy gasoline so they can be free to roam around the country. The reward for each family’s participation will be a personal Thank-you note from President Biden.
When this program goes into effect I estimate an influx of approximately 40 million new Democratic Mexican voters within the first 5 years. This will allow the Democratic party to totally outnumber all other political parties and finally permit them to suck the life out of what remains of my country.
IF YOU DON’T GET SARCASM, PLEASE REREAD THIS POST IMMEDIATELY
In the past I’ve written a few things on cursing and swearing. As I’ve often said, “proper cursing is a true art form”, but not really properly acknowledged or appreciated by the mainstream academics. It is the cherry on top of the English language sundae. Everyone knows that a sundae is so much tastier with the addition of a bright red cherry on top. That’s how I see cursing.
A few weeks ago as my better-half and I were spending some quality time at Walmart, I spotted two young gentlemen in their early teens in the Book Department. Young man #1 reached over and grabbed the book from young man #2, and stated “give me that focking book”(the actual word has been purposely misspelled to protect what few innocent ears are left). Young man #2 not to be outdone immediately replied, “it’s my book you focking asshole”. They argued back and forth for a while, dropped the book on the bench, and sped off to find their parents.
I started cursing and f-bombing at a young age too because that was how people in my neighborhood and family spoke. I came by cursing honestly and made a point of refining it as best I could. I’ve always been an overachiever and this was just another challenge to overcome. Listening to those two kids tells me that f-bombing and cursing is alive and well in focking Maine.
I’ve always found the word “fock” an amazing and versatile tool. It can be used as either a verb, adverb, adjective, imperative, interjection, or a noun.
“I got focked by a scam artist”, “My computer is focked.”, “You’re a fock or a focker”. A fock may be an act of sex or just a person who is an ass. The verb, to fock, may be used transitively or intransitive. It can be compounded as “Fock off“, “Fock you“, “Fock up“, and “Don’t fock with me”. A phrase such as “Don’t give a fock.”, makes the word an equivalent of damn. If something is very abnormal or annoying, “This is focked up.” may be used.
I think the word fock should be adopted by all Americans and used in the same fashion as aloha and shalom are used in Hawaii and Israel. It can mean just about anything we want and we should make it our official greeting and our official farewell. When foreign dignitaries and tourists arrive on our shores we should give them a peck on the cheek and a big “Fock you and welcome to America”. When they leave give them a pat on the ass and tell him to “Get the fockout”. They all think we’re a bunch of mouth-breathers anyway, so what’s the harm.
Being the ultimate diplomat was never my intent but I’m willing to step up and do what needs to be done. I’ll be more than happy to testify before any focking Congressional committees and attempt to convince them as focking Americans we need this immediately. Maybe they’ll focking listen but I don’t hold much hope for that. I’d probably just be wasting my focking breath.
I thought I’d start this post with a word I just made up. The secret word is irkism. It’s not a term any of you women have ever heard but its the perfect description of the effect that many of you have on us men.
Have you ever had an argument that sort of takes on a life of its own and turns into a nightmare? Just wondering is all. I think this list I’m about to write will be the post that initiates one of those arguments for me. I sat quietly for years and listened to; men are this and they do that, and women are better and we’re not emotional humps, you get the idea. They’re permitted to say almost anything they please knowing we men aren’t likely to say much in return if we ever hope to have sex again. It’s time for us men to stand up and be counted. Here’s my top-ten list of women’s traits that have irked me for decades. They’re in no particular order of importance and for testicular safety they are not all about my better-half. That disclaimer should keep me safe for a while.
1. Overuse of lotion, perfumes, and any other liquids that will make them soft, smooth, and seemingly younger. It’s a wonder they don’t slip and slide right out of the bed.
2. The wearing of fake eyelashes, nails, and hair extensions. It makes me afraid to grab hold of anything. It might just come off in my hand.
3. Hogging the blankets and pillows. I have four pillows on my bed as well as a sheet and comforter. I often wake up, especially, in the winter and find I have no pillows, one-half the sheet, and about one-third of the comforter.
4. PMS related temper tantrums. There were times when I turned and scampered away to avoid a potential problem. Thank god those days are over for us.
5. Constant over-talking. I guess their rule is that guys must be good listeners at all times but women, not so much. Not very nice.
6. Forcing us to lie to them. Does my ass look too big in this dress? Is this hair color a good fit for me? Don’t you just love these shoes? OMG
7. TV Hogs. If I have to watch or listen to anymore of Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, The Voice, or any and all romantic comedies, just shoot me now!
8. Cell phone courtesy. If we get a phone call they’ll be sure to stand nearby and talk as loud as possible so we have to shout to be heard. Of course when they get a call we’re forced to shut everything down so as not to interrupt. Everyone knows their calls are more important than ours.
9. Trash in my car. Unfortunately I have door pockets in my car. I made the mistake of cleaning out the passenger side pocket a week ago. It was unbelievable. I found hand lotion, sanitizer, face cream, old receipts, gum wrappers, and three packets of hot sauce and ketchup. There were a few other things but I’m too depressed to go on.
10. Coupons. Don’t even get me started on this subject. I’ll say no more than that.
I feel soooooooooo much better now that I’ve gotten all of these gripes off my chest but only until she reads this post.
I’ve heard the word hate used many times in my life and more often in recent years by some politicians. I actually was guilty of it a few times myself and it always bothered me after the fact. Not so much that I actually hated someone but that I really didn’t understand the effect my words were having on others.
I hate you! The terrorists hate us! He’s a left-wing hater! She’s a right-wing hater! We are bombarded daily with the “H” word because it’s used so casually by so many in politics and the media. They use it strictly for shock value and never think about how it sounds to us. I take that back. I really don’t think they care at all what we think, they just want to influence our vote.
Have you ever used the word in a fit of anger to a loved one? After you screamed at them, then calmed down, did you seriously think about what you said and regretted it? Did you ever tell that person you really didn’t mean it? I’m guilty of all of that unfortunately.
As a teenager I said it a few times to relatives and friends in anger and never apologized to them. I thought it was all forgotten and forgiven. Many years later I found out just how wrong I was. It seems that the word itself causes a visceral reaction in most people. A close friend of mine became the victim of my bad temper causing us to become estranged for a number of years. He eventually became my best man and at my bachelor party we drank a bit too much and ended up sitting on the porch steps and reminiscing. He explained to me just how much I’d hurt him all those years ago and how he thought about that argument often. I felt like a real ass because it never occurred to me what kind of damage a few simple words could do when I really didn’t mean them. Ten years of hurt feelings could have been easily eliminated if I had just picked my words more carefully.
I guess the moral to my story is this; if you happen to say something In the heat of the moment, always remember to clear the air before moving on. It could cost you dearly. Here are a few quotes I collected concerning the word and the meaning of hate:
From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate. Socrates
The price of hating other human beings is loving one’s self less. Eldridge Cleaver
End discrimination. Hate everybody. Anonymous
I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hate so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone… they will be forced to deal with the pain. James Arthur Baldwin
I will permit no man to narrow and degrade My Soul by making me hate him. Booker T. Washington
The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that’s the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Darkness cannot drive out Darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Martin Luther King Jr.
Hate is the consequence of fear; we fear something before we hated; a child who fears noises becomes a man who hates noise. Cyril Connolly
Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M. Nixon
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Henry Emerson Fosdick
I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies. Pietro Arentino
So there you have it. Simple words can do damage. Be careful when throwing them around in the heat of the moment, you might just lose a good friend or loved one forever.
It’s been a long week and I’m a little sick of thinking or talking about politics, younger generations, and the pandemic. I’m on overload with more news about masks and all of the assorted BS that goes along with that. I think it’s time for another installment of Totally Useless Trivia. The following items came into my files over the last few years and I love saving them for these not-so-special occasions. Let’s get started.
As an adult human being you have more than 20 square feet of skin on your body about the same square footage as a blanket for a queen-size bed. How creepy is that?
We Americans eat approximately 100 acres of pizza each day, or 350 slices per second. Yet for some reason we still don’t seem to understand why obesity is running rampant through the country. Are we really that stupid?
An estimated 800,000 senior citizens voluntarily give up their driving privileges each year. The average age at which they surrender the wheel is 85.
All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” read 04:20. Rent the movie and check it out.
Americans appear to have the most sex at 132 times a year, with the Russians close behind at 122 times a year. Hard to believe the the French are only at 121. Let it be known that I’m officially volunteering to verify these numbers.
A portion of the water you drink every day has already been drunk by someone else, maybe several times over. This I didn’t really need to know, Ewwwwwwww!
About 1.7 liters of saliva is produced each day in an average person. You can’t have those long sloppy wet kisses without it.
A healthy individual releases 3.5 oz of gas in a single flatulent emission, or about 17 oz in a day. Wonderful, just freaking wonderful.
A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent while men like it more strenuous. I think it’s really 30 muscles if you get my drift. LOL
Condoms will last about a month when stored in a wallet; any longer and its more likely to break. Wish I would have known this back in high school. I carried one for three years.
A Georgia company will mix your loved one’s ashes with cement and drop it into the ocean to form an artificial Reef. It must be “Greenie” heaven.
35 billion emails are sent each day throughout the world. Who cares, it’s mostly SPAM anyway.
61,000 people are airborne over the US at any given time. From a former white-knuckle flier, “better them than me.”
3,400,000 Americans are considered “Extreme Commuters”. These are people who commute over 90 minutes round trip every day to work. Anyone who’s ever lived in a major metro area can verify this one. Route 128 in Boston was my home for years.
That should curb your craving for stupid and useless information for another week or so. When you start going into withdrawal, drop me an email and I’ll fix you right up.
On most days I try terribly hard to keep this blog as PG as possible. However I’m occasionally forced to break that rule when I receive information like this. Be warned, I’ll be skimming the surface of an R rating today. If you’re naive, innocent, or virginal you might skip this posting altogether. I wouldn’t want to corrupt any of you or your children.
I’ve known a few women over the years who are impossible to forget. I’ve had gay female friends, prudish female friends, promiscuous female friends, and even cute and naive female friends. This posting concerns one young lady who is memorable because of her overriding obsession with oral sex. We dated for a time but I couldn’t keep up with her no matter how hard I tried (no pun intended). We went our separate ways until she sent me an e-mail recently with these rules attached. You’ve got to remember I haven’t seen or spoken to her in 26 years but it’s somehow comforting to know somethings never change. Here are her 12 rules.
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule number 1 – if you get one, be grateful.
3. No, I DON’T have to swallow.
4. My ears are NOT handles.
5. Having my period does not mean that it’s “HUMMER WEEK”. Get it through your head . . . I’m bloated and I feel like crap so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to service you just because we can’t have sex right now.
6. “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls; If you’re that desperate, go “rub one out” and leave me alone with my Midol.
7. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after we’re done is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior repeated any time in the future.
8. If you like how I do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I’m good at it.
9. No, I don’t care about the protein content.
10. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
11. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get serviced often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or to brag.
12. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up doesn’t mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.
I really hope this was sent to me as a tongue-in-cheek bit of humor but even now it’s hard for me to tell with this lady. It brought a smile to my face and made me laugh out loud which is always a great way to start my day. She was never too shy back in the day and it appears she hasn’t changed a lick (no pun intended).
I remember as a child being told by my parents that the younger generations we’re screwed up, uncaring, and unthinking. We couldn’t do anything right and we had a real I don’t give a shit attitude. I took great offense to that at the time and it motivated me to rebel at every opportunity just to make a point.
Jump ahead 35 years and I actually heard myself saying damn near the same kinds of things during one of my angry moments in dealing with my son. Not soon after that conversation I was having a coffee in a local shop and quietly thinking when I just started chuckling to myself. The more I thought about the conversation I’d had with my son, the funnier it became. It’s not often I’m able to recognize an epiphany when I have one or trip over one.
I read quite a lot and the diversity of my subject matter is what makes it so much fun. The following quotations were found in a recent book I read and as soon as I saw them I began chuckling again. Even five thousand years ago the adults were saying the same damn things about their younger generations and that keeps me a little more optimistic about ours. Also having a close relationship with a few of them keeps me on my toes and aware of their thoughts, ideas, and approaches in dealing with us grown-ups (formerly members of the younger generation).
Broad brushing a group of individuals is foolish and should be avoided at all costs. I know that’s hard for readers to believe because I’m consistently trashing the younger Generations when they give me a reason. Just let it be known that it’s all in good fun and tongue-in-cheek for the most part. So here are the quotes.
A tablet from ancient Assyria, about 2800 BC, has been found that states: “Our Earth is degenerate in these latter days. There are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end. Bribery and Corruption are common.”
More than 2,000 years later, Socrates complained, ” Children are the now tyrants . . . They no longer rise when the elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize over their teachers.”
And Plato wrote of his students: “What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders and disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying, What is to become of them?”
If reading these quotes doesn’t make you chuckle just a little then you’ve got a problem (or your just raising teenagers). It gives me a great deal of comfort to think the grown-ups then we’re complaining and bitching just like we do now. It just too damn funny.
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