Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
I thought today’s posting should reflect the thoughts and feelings of someone other than myself concerning the New Year and the accompanying celebrations. I’d normally throw in a few celebrity quotes about New Year’s but I’m not going to do that this year. I’ve learned over the years that the best common sense quotations are written by only one person, Anonymous.
The following collection of thoughts were collected from and written by people who wish to remain anonymous. Being anonymous gives a person a certain amount of freedom to say what they really think and to be as sarcastic and humorous as necessary. This is the stuff I love and I think you will too.
Almost everything I could think of saying about New Year’s, the celebrations, and the big party in the Big Apple, are reflected in these anonymous thoughts. It never ceases to amaze me just how funny and insightful we humans can be. See if you agree.
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I do not make new year’s resolutions. The only thing I do in excess is be awesome, I’m not going to stop that in 2014.
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I probably shouldn’t be making any new resolutions this year…mainly because I’m still working on the ones from last year.
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Let’s kiss on New Year’s Eve 2013 as if we might have a future together in 2014.
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Let’s resolve to repeat last year’s mistakes.
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Here’s to ending the New Year still having a job that you still wish you didn’t have.
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This year let’s resolve to make better bad decisions.
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My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.
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I hope the world ends in 2014 so I can’t be held accountable for my New Year’s resolutions.
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Thanks for inviting me to a New Year’s party I’ll have no recollection of attending.
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My excuses for already failing my New Year’s resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.
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Let’s never speak of 2013 again.
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May the New Year bring you significantly more joy than the holidays did.
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My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
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Let’s put significant pressure on ourselves to have a fun New Year’s Eve.
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Let’s pencil each other in for a New Year’s Eve kiss, with the understanding we’ll drop each other if someone better comes along.
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I resolve to stop having meaningless sex in 2014, so I suggest you pay me a compliment or get me liquored up ASAP.
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My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family.
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I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn.
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It may be the antidepressants talking, but I’m feeling somewhat optimistic about 2014.
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Now that the holiday blues are over, let’s resume our everyday melancholy.
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Here’s to drinking enough that we’ll need Ryan Seacrest to help us count backwards from ten.
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Here’s to having a fresh start at binge eating, boozing, and slacking off.
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Lets attend an opulent New Year’s Eve party so we can briefly ignore the horror of our impending poverty.
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Wishing you even a minuscule percentage of the wealth and attention that has been showered upon the Kardashian fetus in 2013.
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My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.
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I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.
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Gaining 20 lbs over the holidays makes your New Year’s resolution of losing 10 less impressive.
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Let’s decide which champagne we’re going to barf.
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I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves.
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The only thing I gained from 2013 was weight.
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Dear God, my prayer for 2014 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t mix these up like you did this year.
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This year, I’m just making one New Year’s resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.
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I enjoyed more than a few chuckles reading through this list and I can’t think of a thing I’d want to add. I hope your New Year’s celebration remains somewhat sane and that you return safely home in one piece. You wouldn’t want to start 2014 with any broken bones, wrecked vehicles, or DUI’s.
Everyuselessthing will return on 01-02-2014
SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!
Drink Responsibly
It’s finally time for me to step up and put in writing the things I’m pledging to do at some time in 2014. I tried to keep these resolutions as reasonable as possible so I at least have a chance to live up to them. Here they are.
1. Read five books a month.
2. Teach the grandson one curse word per month once he begins talking.
3. Keep the number of F-bombs below 100 a week.
4. Drink less brandy than last year but more than next year.
5. Spend less than $300.00 at Dunkin Donut for the entire year ($25.00 per month).
6. Stop dancing naked near the picture window in the living room. It scares the neighbors if their complaints mean anything at all.
7. Fight to my last breath to keep chickens and goats from becoming part of my life.
I could have listed a few more but why set myself up for complete and utter failure. I did that last year and I should be learning from my past mistakes, you’d think.
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I tried to convince my better-half to give me her list for 2014 but I ran into a brick wall. She appears to be a believer of never putting anything in writing regardless of who makes the request. I even tried intimidating her a little. I attempted to make her comply by threatening to post a few crazy resolutions and tell the world they came from her. I won’t repeat her reply since I do try to keep this blog at a PG rating. I admit she has a pretty effective way of intimidating me and that will also stay a deep and dark secret.
AHHHHH ANOTHER NEW YEAR HERE IN PARADISE.
I’m about to make you aware of a newly discovered ailment causing much suffering to the human race. It’s a lifelong ailment that flares up on the average of once a year to disorient and dismay a large segment of the population. It’s like herpes with a smile. It’s called by those aware of it’s existence, PTCS, or Post Traumatic Christmas Syndrome. It begins in November with a certain uneasiness as you see your home begin to fill with boxes of purchases, Christmas cards, and other green and red paraphernalia. After a week your breathing becomes labored as you see the first credit card balances arriving with lists of things you don’t remember buying. The stress level continues to climb as odd foods show up and containers of candy and fruit cakes magically appear.
This syndrome peaks in December just as your on the verge of total collapse. All of a sudden things begin to disappear and within days your life is as it once was. It’s like being in a time warp with four or five lost weeks that you’d rather just forget. It will take months for you to recuperate and to refill your bank accounts. Also months of exercise and dieting to lose that ten pounds of body fat that appeared out of nowhere.
It also effects your mind making you happy to have suffered through this terrible time and you can’t wait for the next outbreak. Unfortunately it’s very contagious and targets the youngest of us almost immediately. It appears to be an airborne virus spread by physical contact and made even worse by groups of people who insist on singing together.
It’s insidious! The children just don’t have a prayer of being spared this affliction that could haunt them for decades. For hundreds of years certain people have searched for a cure but to no avail. A certain doctor from somewhere in Europe, Dr. I. M. Grinchakowski died a horrible death some years ago when his immunization program went horribly awry and he died from an overdose of frankincense and myrrh. It was a sad day but the search continues for a cure.
I’m only just beginning to feel the change that’s’ coming. It was a terrible few months where I was stressed, over fed, and I found myself smiling way too much. I should be back on my feet by New Years but these strange effects of PTCS could linger for months.
I think we should all hire attorneys and have PTCS declared a disability. We could limit the government stipend to a once a year payment from Social Security that we’d receive early in December.
Vote Democratic!
After spending the entire day yesterday laying around like a big lump I went to sleep and spent eight more hours doing the same thing. I came awake this morning feeling somewhat better but still not quite back to what I consider normal. More snow through the nite was just the cherry on top of this week. I’m afraid this winter has started badly with more than two and a half feet of snow before New Year’s Day. I have the feeling we’ll be buried the entire winter. Yeah for us!
In past years I joked about SNIRT season here in Maine. That’s a mixture of SNow and dIRT for all you non-Mainers. It could be a record setting year if this photo is any indication. If this weather pattern continues with a snow storm every two or three days things could get really interesting. Just west of here in the White Mountains the ski resorts are already celebrating. They have close to a five foot base and expert much much more. They could be skiing well into April and May if they’re lucky. At least someone is reaping the benefits from all this damn snow. Unfortunately I haven’t figured a way to make money from this snow but I’m continuing to explore many possibilities.
The post-Christmas cleanup continues and will take a little longer than expected. It’s hard to believe such a small group of people could create such devastation in just two days. I almost had to use a snow shovel to clean the debris from the living room. I actually lost my cat for a while when he burrowed into the pile and disappeared.
I’ve just about finished my New Year’s resolutions and should be posting them in a day or so. They would have been done sooner but I got caught up in my reading of Sherlock Holmes stories and put them on the back burner for a few more days.
More snow and ice expected tomorrow so hurry up and make your travel plans to come visit us here in Maine. We have it all; SNOW, ICE STORMS, SLEET, SLUSH and of course SNIRT.
AND THANKS TO PEDDLER FOR THIS REMINDER
THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY ONE SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS
Since I’ll be taking a few days off from blogging to enjoy the family Christmas doings I thought something important needed to be discussed. Being a former soldier, the holidays have much more meaning than just just gifts, Christmas trees, and family traditions. I’m all too familiar with that lonely feeling when you’re away from home on Christmas for the first time and the dull ache it leaves in your chest. There’s regular homesickness of course but being separated from your family, friends and comfortable surroundings on Christmas is a different kind of “hurt”. I always think of our service people spread around the globe and I remember them everyday but even more so at this time of the year. Here is a heartfelt poem from an unknown serviceman I received some years ago from a friend. It struck home with me then and it still does to this day. It may have been a different war or different time but the feelings expressed remain the same. Enjoy this and think of them tonight and never forget . . . .
Soldier On Watch
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
my daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep
in perfect contentment, or so it would seem.
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t too near,
But I opened my eye when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn’t quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
and I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old
perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
“What are you doing?” I asked without fear
“Come in here this moment, it’s freezing out there!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your arm,
you should be at home, this cold could do harm!”
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts,
to the window that danced with a warm fire’s light
then he sighed and he said “Its really all right,
I’m out here by choice. I’m here every night”
“Its my duty to stand at the front of the line,
that separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I’m proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ‘Pearl on a day in December,”
then he sighed, “That’s a Christmas ‘Gram always remembers.”
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ‘Nam
and now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I ‘ve not seen my own son in more than a while,
but my wife sends me pictures, he’s sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
the red white and blue… the American flag.
“I can live through the cold and the being alone,
away from my family, my house and my home,
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat,
I can carry the weight of killing another
or lay down my life with my sisters and brothers
who stand at the front against any and all,
to insure for all time that this flag will not fall.”
“So go back inside,” he said, “harbor no fright
Your family is waiting and I’ll be all right.”
“But isn’t there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money,” I asked, “or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you’ve done,
For being away from your wife and your son.”
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
“Just tell us you love us, and never forget
to fight for our rights back at home while we’re gone.
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
to know you remember we fought and we bled
is payment enough, and with that we will trust.
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.
ONE SHOPPING DAY LEFT
HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS
EVERYUSELESSTHING WILL BE BACK ON 12/26/2013
Well, we have two more days of this Christmas insanity to deal with. The pressures seem to be building among the family members with minor bickering and annoyances taking over. It’s the typical holiday syndrome suffered by hundreds of thousands of families over the years and has actually become a rich traditional part of the American Christmas holiday experience.
As luck would have it, today is my day off. My better-half, her son visiting from Raleigh, her daughter, and the grandson are preparing for their last shopping foray north to L.L. Bean in Freeport, Maine. I was asked to go but there was no way in hell I was leaving the house to visit a major retail area just two days before Christmas. I may look stupid at times but not today.
I’ll be posting this blog and then relaxing for the rest of the day with a good book and a glass or two of brandy. The house will be quiet and that will be perfect. Starting tomorrow and for the next two days we’ll be running here and visiting there until we finally reach Christmas Day and the dinner at our home.
My shopping for this year is over, my gifts are wrapped, and I’m done with all of that. Now a couple of family gatherings and two excellent meals and we’ll all be worrying about and preparing for the next holiday.
In years past I was all about New Years and I celebrated it with a vengeance. It was by far my favorite holiday after Thanksgiving. But “time wounds all heals” and the fascination of drinking and carousing all night has long since past. Rushing out to spend the night in New York City with millions of others or attending one of any number of local boring parties has lost it’s charm. A quiet night with my soulmate just relaxing and enjoying each other’s company is enough.
I remember all of those crazy years with crazy people doing really crazy stuff. Our group suffered a few minor arrests and once or twice we spent some quality standing along a snowy and icy highway while our driver was put through his paces by a stern and business-like police officer. Nothing like a gigantic sobriety check point to start off the New Year. Ahhhh, sweet memories.
TWO MORE SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
Christmas is almost upon us and New Years is quickly approaching. I thought a little more Christmas humor was in order and also a healthy dose of New Year’s ridiculousness. Todays posting is a series of quotation’s from the rich and famous, the poor and unfamous, and from our favorite person of all time, Anonymous.
Christmas
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his presents remembered. Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.
Anonymous
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. Bernard Manning
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. Anonymous
Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.
John Cleese, “Monty Python”
The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. Joan Rivers
There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them. P.J. O’Rourke
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. Dave Barry
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple
Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts. Anonymous
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. Johnny Carson
I know some of these quotes are corny and stupid but never forget, so are we all at times. Now let’s hop, skip and jump onto the New Year’s bandwagon with a few more potentially humorous adages.
New Year’s
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. Bill Vaughn
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to. P.J. O’Rourke
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution. Jay Leno
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Anonymous
It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets. William Thomas
The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears. W.H. Auden
Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.
Judith Crist
New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. James Agee
People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. Anonymous
Be at war with your vices; at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man. Benjamin Franklin
I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser. Robert Paul
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. Oprah Winfrey
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. Oscar Wilde
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. Anais Nin
THREE SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
It’s Tuesday and we have seven shopping days left until Christmas. Are you stressed, pissed, and have you completely lost your sense of humor? Well, welcome to the club. Since Christmas has both the ability to excite and depress me I think a little darkness is necessary which fits right in with my current mindset. I’ve collected tombstone epithets for years and even took to the graveyards of Massachusetts while living there and made gravestone rubbings of some of the more interesting. They are at times poignant, heartfelt, funny, and even sarcastic. They do tend to get right to the point about the dearly departed who would be spinning in their graves if they ever read them. I hope they make you smile like they do for me.
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Here lies Lester Moore, four slugs from a 44, no Les, No More. Tombstone, Arizona
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Of children in all she bore twenty-four: Thank the Lord there will be no more. Canterbury, Kent, England
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Here lies the body of John Mound, Lost at Sea and never found. Winslow, Maine
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Here lies I, Jonathan Fry. Killed by a sky-rocket in my eye socket. Frodsham, Cheshire, England
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Here lies John Ross, Kicked by a horse. Channel Islands, England
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Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of the same style 350 dollars. Springdale, Ohio
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Neglected by his doctor, ill treated by his nurse, his brother robbed the widow, which made it all the worse. Dulverton, Somerset, England
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Stranger approach this spot with gravity; John Brown is filling his last cavity. A Dentist
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Beneath this stone old Abraham lies; Nobody laughs and nobody cries. Where he is gone and how he fares, Nobody knows and nobody cares. For Abraham Newland
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Beneath these stones repose the bones of Theodosius Grim; He took his beer from year to year, and then the beer took him. A Beer Drinker
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Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low, but the skin of the thing that made her go. Enosburg, Vermont
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Grim Death took me without any warning, I was well at night and dead in the morning. Sevenoaks, Kent, England
I looked up a few others in my archive since I know you all love your celebrities. Some are cute, some lame, but who really cares?
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My Jesus, mercy” Al Capone
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“The best is yet to come.” Frank Sinatra
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“This is the last of Earth! I am content!” John Quincy Adams (1767 – 1848)
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“Truth and History. 21 Men. The Boy Bandit King. He Died As He Lived. William H. Bonney ‘Billy the Kid'” Billy the Kid (unknown)
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“That’s all, folks!” Mel Blanc (the epitaph is the trademark line of cartoon character Porky Pig.
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“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.” Winston Churchill
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“She did it the hard way” Bette Davis
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“Nothing’s So Sacred As Honor And Nothing’s So Loyal As Love” Wyatt Earp
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“I had a lover’s quarrel with the world” Robert Frost
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“Hey Ram” (Translated “Oh, God”) Mahatma Gandhi
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“Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty I’m Free At Last.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
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“Workers of all lands unite. The philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to change it.” Karl Marx
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“Truth to your own spirit” Jim Morrison
GET SOME REST, ONLY SEVEN SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
I’m still trying desperately to figure out exactly what New Year’s resolutions I need to make for 2014. I’d like just once to be taking this process seriously instead of resorting to silly and humorous resolutions that I never intend to keep. I decided as always that further research is necessary to assist me in my endeavors.
Being the patriotic citizen that I am what better place to start than with the always politically correct US Government webpage. Here’s their suggested list of New Year’s resolutions for 2014 which are so politically correct and lame they must have been written by Obama himself.
Drink Less Alcohol
Eat Healthy Food
Get a Better Education
Get a Better Job
Get Fit
Lose Weight
Manage Debt
Manage Stress
Quit Smoking
Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle
Save Money
Take a Trip
Volunteer to Help Others
I was seriously tempted not to put that list in this posting because it’s so damn embarrassing. However it’s important that I look at all the possibilities when trying to decide what will be my goals for the new year. During my research I then discovered a suggested list of New Year’s resolutions for senior citizens. I knew that list was going to piss me off because there’s no way someone who is not a senior citizen can write a list for senior citizens. Here’s that list and it’s only a little offensive and condescending.
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Visit your local senior center.
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Plan to eat at least one nourishing meal a day, not junk food or fast food, but a real meal.
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Increase your social contacts and make new friends at any senior center.
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Consider getting help If you live alone and don’t have family or friends.
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Learn how to use the Internet.
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Schedule regular exercise.
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Clean house. Go through your residence to identify items you no longer want, need or will never use again.
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Get your papers/affairs in order.
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Consider a personal emergency response system.
Well was I right or was I wrong? You can’t expect much more from a non-senior. Now, in an attempt at diversity which I’m almost always famous for I decided to see what our friends in the hip-hop community are resolving to do during 2014. These listed resolutions are not from one single rapper but a number of people involved in the hip-hop music scene. They’ll speak for themselves with no further comments from me.
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I’m an artist…Silence is my canvas!
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Focus more on the music.
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By the end of the year I’d like to receive some monetary compensation for creating music.
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As nice as it is to get weed or liquor for beats, I think I’m ready to step up.
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Stop spending more time on set up and reading manuals than I do writing.
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Start playing my saxophone on a daily basis again? Oh yeah,and get some exercise…..
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Return to sample based 90’s boom bap including scratches.
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Take guitar lessons.
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Get back to basics and not focus on what I hear on the radio and finish my studio.
My one last attempt at finding some real help on the Internet landed me onto the trail of a British stripper. Her heartfelt resolutions touched my heart and seemed more genuine than most of the others I’ve mentioned. This is obviously a woman who loves her work and is trying to make those improvements necessary to increase her revenue stream. If I knew where she actually worked I just might be tempted to pay her a visit and be talked into stuffing a few good old American dollar bills into some really interesting British places.
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Work on my flexibility.
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Whiten those teeth.
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Work at least four days a week.
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Work on a few new variations to my lap dance routines.
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Wake up sober on Thursdays.
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I’m going to begin yoga until I can once again lick my own leg.
All of this research hasn’t help me at all. My list of resolutions for 2014 is still tentative. I can’t decide on what approach to take in writing them and this research has made it even more difficult. I have a few weeks before the end of the year and I’ll continue my diligent efforts to come up with a few real resolutions I can strive for. I’d hate to be forced to again resort to making a list with items that are humorous, sarcastic, and silly.
More to come.
I received my second gift of this Fall season yesterday. My first gift was my broken leg that occurred at the end of October. The second gift was the doctor declaring my leg healed after just six weeks and ordering the removal of the air cast and those dirty, rotten, miserable, and effing crutches. Also, he felt physical therapy wouldn’t be necessary either. He slapped on a small and unobtrusive ankle brace which allows me to once again wear a normal shoe and walk on two feet. I was on my way home and I was thrilled BUT . . . . .
You’d think I’d be happier but over the years I’ve discovered that every silver cloud has a dark and disturbing chewing center. During my two months of hopping around on one leg I forgot just how much of a negative effect not using that leg could be. I lost almost thirty percent of the muscle mass in my leg in just 2 months. I also was so concerned about the broken bone that I gave very little thought to the damage my knee suffered in the same accident. Now that I’m able to put full weight on the leg the knee is screaming for attention. I gave up the cast for an ankle brace and gave up the crutches for a knee brace. There seems to be no end to this madness and some one somewhere is intent on having me hobbled for Christmas. It’s a little spooky.
I decided to celebrate with my better-half on my return to two legged walking and we planned a night out to have some fun. First we had to babysit the grandson on my first nite back which was fun like always. My better-half returned to work the next day and upon her arrival home she was complaining endlessly about all of the sick employees who’d been calling off and leaving early due to some kind of virus. The next morning I was lying in bed and felt the dreaded tickle in the back of my throat. Twenty-four hours later I’m sneezing, my nose is running, and the fever is building. I’ve now been on my back for two days with some sort of damn flu courtesy of either my grandson or my better-half. K M N !!!
If I don’t catch anymore diseases or break anymore bones I hope to be back on my feet by Christmas. I’d just be happy to feel good and be able to walk into the kitchen unaided by anyone or anything. I certainly hope New Years remains uneventful. I’ll be locking myself up in solitary confinement on the 26th and staying there for the rest of the month. No contact with my better-half, no visits from my cat, and especially no visits or contact from that disease carrying little runt of a grandson. The party will be a quiet one but at least I’ll be feeling better. I’m hoping against hope that 2014 is a vast improvement over this year.
And here’s the cherry on top of my December sundae. I awoke this morning to find fifteen inches of snow covering everything. I immediately attacked it with my snow blower to help my better-half go to work. Big surprise, I traveled no more than 100 feet and it died. They say things come in threes so I think I should be good for a while.
DECK THE EFFING HALLS
everyuselessthing.com 