Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
Today’s the day that I began my yearly chore of putting together my list of New Year’s resolutions. I realize that for most people New Year’s resolutions aren’t taken all that seriously and that over the years they’ve become something meant to be humorous. In my righteous attempt to do it seriously this year I decided to search the Net for any new ideas or tips that could help me. Amazingly, I found quite a number of websites with prewritten lists made for both children and adults. I guess they think that just printing off the list from their webpage gives some kind of credibility to people who are too lazy to take the time to do it properly. Shame on all of you who decided to take the easy way out and use one of those sites.
Here’s one of those lists suggested for younger children and you can decide just how lame it is or isn’t. Or better, would you want your kids to use this list or make up their own.
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I will do my homework in time.
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I will sleep in time.
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I will drink milk and water, and limit aerated drinks.
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I’ll never give out personal information such as my name, home address, school name or telephone number on the Internet or to strangers.
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I’ll be nice to other kids. I’ll be friendly to kids who need friends – like someone who is shy, or is new to my school.
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I will wear my seat belt every time I get in a car. I’ll sit in the back seat and use a booster seat until I am tall enough to use a lap/shoulder seat belt.
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I will apply sunscreen before I go outdoors.
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I will try to stay in the shade whenever possible and wear a hat and sunglasses, especially when I’m playing sports.
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I will try to find a sport (like basketball or soccer) or an activity (skipping rope, dancing or horse riding) that I like and do it at least three times a week!
You have to admit this list is no more than politically correct nonsense. You may be able to force your kids to accept this list as their own but their heart just wouldn’t be in it. I continued my search looking for more resolutions that applied mainly to adults and found much more of the same. Premade politically correct BS which didn’t help me at all. I then sat down at my desk and put together this list of humorous adult resolutions found at another such site.
1. This year, I’m just making one New Year’s resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.
2. I probably shouldn’t be making any new resolutions this year…mainly because I’m still working on the ones from last year.
3. This year my New Year’s resolution was to stop saying ‘Seacrest out!’ after I ejaculated.
4. I will stop peeping into my boyfriend’s female friends profile on Facebook.
Again I was disappointed. The adult resolutions while trying to be humorous were even more stupid than I’d expected. I was forced to go to the archives once more and find my posted resolutions for 2013. I was expecting no surprises because I couldn’t remember a single one of them. Here they are with the results of my efforts of which I’m truly ashamed.
1. Don’t wear sweat pants outside the confines of the house less than twice a week (demanded by my better-half). FAILED
2. Pay less than $75.00 a month at Dunkin Donuts. I failed at the $50.00 level, now I’ll just up the monthly amount and hopefully be successful. COMPLETED
3. Tell my better-half I love her at least twenty times a day (again her idea). FAILED
4. Attempt to develop a casual and platonic friendship with my weird neighbors. FAILED
5. Convince my better-half that pizza is not an official food group and refuse to eat it more than once a week. FAILED
6. Don’t call the President a stupid, effing, liberal, socialist, narcissistic A-hole more than twenty times a week. FAILED
7. Read 3 non-fiction and 3 fiction books a month. COMPLETED
8. Fire at least 1000 rounds of ammo a quarter to fine tune my shooting skills to prepare for the impending anarchism which will follow. FAILED
9. Take a vacation to some exotic and strange non-American land (like maybe Boston, New York, San Francisco, or LA). FAILED
10. Refuse to eat dog food more than three times a month to help pay for my mandated Obamacare taxes. COMPLETED
It appears that my accomplishments for 2013 were an abject failure. The fact that I couldn’t remember any of them leads me to believe that in my attempt at humor I cheapened the New Year’s resolution process. What I’m about to show you is NOT, I repeat NOT the final version of my resolutions for 2014. This is just a draft list with my initial thoughts on the matter and I’m sure some changes may be required. See what you think about these.
(Draft Only)
1. Start washing my hands after I use the restroom or just stop peeing on my hands.
2. Stop licking almost everything (well almost everything).
3. Never eat yellow snow or brown asparagus (for you lovey).
4. Spend less than $1000.00 for coffee at Dunkin Donuts this year.
5. Claim my pet as a dependent on my tax return.
6. Start smoking to lose weight.
7. Watch less T.V…. in standard definition.
8. Buy larger clothes.
9. Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while driving near crosswalks.
10. Stop buttering my doughnuts.
Well there you have it, my first thoughts on the subject for 2014. I certainly need to give it a little more thought as you can see. If you really think about it though, it just makes good sense to have fewer resolutions every year. It helps to keep you from disappointing yourself too much and you’ll then feel less guilty about how little willpower you really have. Hopefully I’ll have my final version completed prior to New Year’s Eve which will give me one more thing to celebrate.
As we progress through these times of trouble I sit back and watch what our politicians have put forth for consideration to solve our problems. Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, and Independents are almost interchangeable with only a few minor exceptions. The one true common denominator is their desperate need for reelection and their ability to BS and double talk around the tough questions.
(Sarcasm on) They have a tough job, no question. (Sarcasm off) Excellent salary, best medical benefits ever (exempt from Obamacare), best pension and retirement plan, and the ability to sell themselves to any lobbying organization once they’ve been ousted from office. I think it’s time we the public should use the most important and only tool we have, something called the vote. After watching these inept politicians for the last few years it’s becoming painfully obvious who they really care about. THEMSELVES! If they want to be reelected we must make them earn it. Being swayed by charisma and ignoring the facts will be the death of this nation.
I try to point out as often as possible that stupidity is running amok in the government because it’s becoming more obvious and overwhelming and I need to vent. It’s our responsibility to take the time to look and recognize it for what it is and to stop it. Stupidity is not a new thing to this government or to any other. These following definitions may assist you in identifying those in government who are truly stupid and acting against our collective best interests.
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STUPIDITY
1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
2. Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
3. Marked by a lack of intelligence or care; foolish or careless: a stupid mistake.
4. Dazed, stunned, or stupefied.
5. Pointless; worthless: a stupid job.
n.
A stupid or foolish person.
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Now that you have the definitions in hand, look around, identify those who fit the bill and vote them out. No party or group should be permitted to continuously make decisions against the best interests of us all. As this year comes to an end it’s time to look at the results of this administration’s efforts and ask the big question. Do we want more of the same or is it time for real change, not some insincere election slogan repeated over and over again. The next presidential election is fast approaching and I hope we as a people choose intelligently this time.
“Wooden-headedness consists of assessing a situation in terms of preconceived, fixed notions while ignoring or rejecting any contrary signs. It is acting according to wish while not allowing one-self to be confused by the facts.” – Barbara Tuchman (1912-1989) “An Inquiry into the Persistence of Unwisdom in Government”
“In public affairs, stupidity is more dangerous than knavery.” – Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924) “The New Freedom: A Call for the Emancipation of the Generous Energies of a People”
“Kid, life’s hard. But it’s a lot harder if you’re stupid.” – Robert Mitchum (1917-1997) In Tom Tico, letter to the San Francisco Chronicle, 29 July 1997.
“STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES” – Forest Gump
Here’s Our Tree!
The end of November signals the start of all the normal Christmas insanity that most of us complain about. Shopping, crowds, traffic jams, annoying music, and people everywhere with their hands extended looking for money. It makes me happy not to be a religious person because if I were, I’d be really pissed off and upset. The Christmas tradition in this country has slowly morphed into a typical American greed-fest. I thought today I’d forward along a list of thirty factoids about the holiday from a few countries around the globe and many from the United States. Some are crazy and others just a little bit interesting. Enjoy them and hopefully they’ll spark some of that good old Christmas spirit from when you were a kid. I threw that photo of our tree in just to let you know I am participating regardless of how much I complain.
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Puritan Oliver Cromwell outlawed Christmas celebrations and carols in England from 1649-1660. The only celebrations allowed were sermons and prayers.
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The people at Reynolds (aluminum foil) make a substantial amount of money selling foil during the Yuletide season. It has been confirmed that at least 3000 tons of foil are used to wrap turkeys annually.
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Warning: Christmas shopping may be hazardous to your health. If you are an avid Christmas shopper statistics have concluded that you will be elbowed at least three times while shopping. Ouch!
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Sending Christmas cards is still the in thing to do around Christmas time. Americans on average send out 28 Christmas cards to friends and family yearly, and guess what, it’s certainly not in vain either, most will receive 28 for the same period.
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Christmas is a great time to exercise. You will walk an average of five miles between the parking lot and stores, however, don’t let this give you a false sense of security, most people still gain those pesky Christmas pounds despite this.
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Bolivians celebrate Misa del Gallo or “Mass of the Rooster” on Christmas Eve. Some people bring roosters to the midnight mass, a gesture that symbolizes the belief that a rooster was the first animal to announce the birth of Jesus.
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In Poland, spiders or spider webs are common Christmas trees decorations because according to legend, a spider wove a blanket for Baby Jesus.
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Alabama was the first state in the United States to officially recognize Christmas in 1836. Oklahoma was the last state the declare Christmas a holiday.
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The Germans made the first artificial Christmas trees out of dyed goose feathers.
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Each year more than 3 billion Christmas cards are sent in the U.S. alone.
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All the gifts in the Twelve Days of Christmas would equal 364 gifts.
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In A.D. 350, Pope Julius I, bishop of Rome, proclaimed December 25 the official celebration date for the birthday of Christ.
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According to the Guinness world records, the tallest Christmas tree ever cut was a 221-foot Douglas fir that was displayed in 1950 at the Northgate Shopping Center in Seattle, Washington.
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The traditional three colors of Christmas are green, red, and gold. Green has long been a symbol of life and rebirth; red symbolizes the blood of Christ, and gold represents light as well as wealth and royalty.
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According to data analyzed from Facebook posts, two weeks before Christmas is one of the two most popular times for couples to break up. However, Christmas Day is the least favorite day for breakups.
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Contrary to popular belief, suicide rates during the Christmas holiday are low.
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The world’s largest Christmas stocking measured 106 feet and 9 inches long and 49 feet and 1 inches wide. It weighed as much as five reindeer and held almost 1,000 presents. It was made by the Children’s Society in London on December 14, 2007.
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Christmas trees usually grow for about 15 years before they are sold.
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President Teddy Roosevelt, an environmentalist, banned Christmas trees from the White House in 1912.
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Each year there are approximately 20,000 “rent-a-Santa’s” across the United States. “Rent-a-Santa’s” usually undergo seasonal training on how to maintain a jolly attitude under pressure from the public.
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Christmas wasn’t declared an official holiday in the United States until June 26, 1870.
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Oklahoma was the last U.S. state to declare Christmas a legal holiday, in 1907.
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In 1962, the first Christmas postage stamp was issued in the United States.
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Christmas purchases account for 1/6 of all retail sales in the U.S.
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Because they viewed Christmas as a decadent Catholic holiday, the Puritans in America banned all Christmas celebrations from 1659-1681 with a penalty of five shillings for each offense.
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Because of their pagan associations, both the holly (associated with the masculine principle) and the ivy (the feminine) and other green boughs in home decoration were banned by the sixth-century Christian Council of Braga.
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There are two competing claims as to which president was the first to place a Christmas tree in the White House. Some scholars say President Franklin Pierce did in 1856; others say President Benjamin Harrison brought in the first tree in 1889. President Coolidge started the White House lighting ceremony in 1923.
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There are approximately 21,000 Christmas tree farms in the United States.
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The first printed reference to a Christmas tree was in 1531 in Germany.
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Approximately 30-35 million real (living) Christmas trees are sold each year in the U.S.
ENJOY THE SEASON
Having worked in and out of this country’s judicial system (I use the term loosely) for decades I feel I’ve earned the right to be as critical of the players in that systems as I care to be. For me it’s a given that most defendants are borderline idiots or they wouldn’t be doing the sort of things requiring arrest. The attorneys are almost as bad and deserve whatever criticism they get as well. The judges and the remainder of the system are flawed as well but as it’s always said, “our system may a mess but it’s better than all of the others.” That’s a paraphrased quote that I didn’t intentionally butcher, it just kind of happened.
Todays posting includes a few on the record questions and answers from a combination of stupid, inept, and well educated individuals. They’re questions and answers are pitiful if they weren’t so ridiculous and at times funny. That these were taken from actual court transcripts is really the scariest part.
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
My only advice is to avoid the judicial system at all costs. It’s flawed just enough to make it possible for totally innocent people to be convicted and confined. It’ doesn’t happen all that often but it does occasionally occur. Clean living and avoiding criminal elements is my best advice, it just isn’t worth the risk. You’ve been warned.
If you’ve read this blog regularly you know I never miss an opportunity to ridicule and tweak the noses of celebrities and the people who worship the ground they walk on. In my travels on the Internet and while perusing through my collection of books I’ve compiled a few tidbits of information on some of our more famous celebrities to help expel some of the mysteries they spend years wrapping themselves in. They’re just folks like everyone else no matter how hard they try not to be.
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Actor James Earl Jones, the voice of Darth Vader in Star Wars, stuttered so badly as a child and he had to communicate by writing notes.
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Japanese American actor Pat Morita, star of the Karate Kid and Happy Days, suffered from spinal tuberculosis as a child and spent nine years confined to bed.
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Actor Walter Brennan (1894 – 1974) started his career in Hollywood by doing a voiceover for a donkey.
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Television star Vanna White of the show Wheel of Fortune claps an average of 720 times per show. And she has walked more than 443 miles on the show since 1982.
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During most of the time that actor Raymond Burr played Perry Mason, he never owned a television set.
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Spencer Tracy’s 1937 Oscar for Best Actor was mistakenly engraved with the name “Dick Tracy”.
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Hollywood actress Ava Gardner left a trust fund of several million dollars, her mansion, and a personal maid to her dog, Morgan.
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Tarzan star Johnny Weissmuller had a contract that stipulated he had to weigh 190 pounds or less, and for every pound over 190 he was docked $5000 – up to $50,000 a day.
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At the age of 82, actor Kirk Douglas made his 82nd film.
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Horror film star Bela Lugosi was buried in his favorite Dracula cape.
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American actress Joan Crawford had a contract with MGM Studios that stipulated the time she had to be in bed each night.
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Actor James Dean was still receiving fan mail two years after his death.
I could list another hundred snippets on more recent celebrities with even weirder things but with the social networks these days you already know most of that gossip. I’ll save a few of those for another day. I can only hope that all of you celebrity worshipers out there are able to maintain some sort of normal perspective when dealing with them. I’m just kidding myself but I can still hope.
I’m adding this photo for my own sake. While I’m not a celebrity chaser I might be convinced to chase this one.
OMG!!!
As a young man I was known for never listening to figures of authority up to and including my parents. Now that I’m older and somewhat wiser I realize that was a mistake. I guess hind sight is always 20/20 as they say. In my younger days I ignored everyone’s advice and paid a heavy price for my youthful arrogance. The adage “Live and learn” is no joke.
It’s still our responsibility as reasonable adults and voting citizens to pass what we know along to our kids and even our politicians. At some point the young people will become older and wiser and may have an interest in the things we say if we’ve been previously proven correct. Most of the politicians these days show their arrogance by failing to listen to their constituency and will pay the price for that arrogance by being voted out of office. We can’t make anyone listen but we do have the responsibility as voters to make the information available to them regardless. So peruse these quotations and glean whatever information you can from them. I only wish our representatives could put their ego’s on the back-burner for a change and admit that they could learn a little something from their predecessors.
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“We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.” Abraham Lincoln
“A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.” Martin Luther King Jr.
“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” Albert Einstein
“Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.” Plato
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein
“Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion is.” Mahatma Gandhi
“Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.” Albert Einstein
LIVE AND LEARN
I think of myself on most days as a fair and honest thinking person. It’s the way I like to be treated therefore it’s how I try to treat people I meet. With that in mind I thought I would make one more try to understand our Islamic brothers and sisters without painting them all with the “Terrorist Brush”. I didn’t say it would be easy but I’m willing to make the attempt one more time.
I’m a patriotic American and the anger than I hold inside myself is in response to terrorism in general and 9/11 in particular. It’s now been a dozen years since the 9/11 attacks and that anger hasn’t abated in the least. Let me go back to that time and explain.
I had just become unemployed when the company I worked for went bankrupt. I was sitting on my coach watching the entire attack from start to finish, unable to move or take my eyes from the screen. I wasn’t alone. there were millions of others doing the same damn thing.
A week of so later I decided to learn as much as I could about our new Islamic enemies and the alleged reasons for their actions. The first thing I did was to read the Koran from cover to cover. It’s much like the Bible and the Talmud where it’s intentionally written in such a way as to allow a lot of room for interpretation. I visited certain Islamic web-sites and read ream after ream of supposed religious quotations designed to entice non-thinking individuals into idiotic actions. I was confused almost immediately because almost none of what I was reading was found in the Koran as they claimed. As with some Christian sects, words from ancient texts were intentionally misquoted and corrupted and made to fit the extremist views of the writer.
Looking at history the Islamic culture at one time was the leader in almost everything including but not limited to the scientific, education, astronomy, and hundreds of others areas. They ruled most of the civilized world for centuries and did a pretty decent job of it. They were murderous and ruthless but so was everyone else including the Christians at that time.
Jump ahead to the present day and things have changed dramatically. They are no longer the “Big Dog” and anyone not with them must convert or die. It’s truly a moronic approach but it’s what the extremists have chosen. It should be stated clearly that worldwide they kill more of their own people than anyone else which I can’t even begin to understand.
The following quotations are Islamic proverbs which would be perfectly acceptable to almost anyone of any religion. Ninety percent of the Islamic people are hard working and only interested in leading a good life and raising their families, just like everyone else. These proverbs prove that for me. Read them for yourselves and decide.
“It is wise to bring some water, when one goes out to look for water.’
“Habit is the 6th sense that overrules the other.”
”Paradise can be found on the back of horses, in books and between the breasts of women.”
‘If you have much, give of your wealth; If you have little, give of your heart.”
“Marriage is like a fort, those who are in want out, those who are out want in.”
“A fat woman is a blanket for winter.”
“A woman can hide her love for 40 years, but her disgust and anger not for one day”.
“Even a one eyed guy will wink at a beautiful woman.”
“Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time.”
“When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey.”
“Lie to a liar, for lies are his coin; steal from a thief, for that is easy; lay a trap for a trickster and catch him at first attempt, but beware of an honest man”
“Anything that happens once does not necessarily happen again, everything that happens twice is likely to happen for the third time as well.”
“On the day of victory no one is tired.”
“Fear can make a donkey attack a lion.”
“God can see a black ant walk on a black stone in a black night.”
“Fear those who are afraid of you.”
“We learn little from our successes, but a lot from our failures”
Now that I’ve given them credit where it is due I must in good faith throw a huge and important criticism in their collective faces. Until the ninety percent of reasonable Muslim’s decide to stand up and denounce that extremist ten percent there can be no peace. I want to see the Islamic population of every little mosque on the planet take a stand against the murder of innocents for political gain. They continue to stay quiet because of their fear of retaliation from the extremists and at the same time insist on whining and crying about the bad treatment they receive from non-Muslims. You can’t have it both ways. Period. End of story.
I discovered the following list while roaming around the Net yesterday. I’m known for being sarcastic at times especially when writing about our female counterparts who tend to bring out the devil in me. The “Battle of the Sexes” is something I take very seriously and I feel that it’s my job to defend my gender. I think it’s only fair to make sure that women don’t get an unfair upper-hand in the amount of sarcastic BS they circulate about men. I promise to do my very best to keep us men on an even keel with them.
For some reason sarcasm irritates the hell out of many women except for when they’re spewing it themselves. This list of “Reasons It’s Good to Be a Women”" appear to have been written by a sarcastic and mean-spirited female sexist. Since she seems to have gone over the edge with her comments I thought I should respond in kind. I’m not saying she’s a man hater but it’s certainly someone who must has been dumped recently or has a string of failed relationships that fueled her anger and sarcasm. I hope you enjoy this item-by-item comparison written by a somewhat sarcastic man who definitely has had a few failed relationships along the way. Enjoy.
“Reasons It’s Good to be a Woman”
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We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
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Taxis stop for us.
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We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
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No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
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We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
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If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
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We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
8. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
9. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
10. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
11. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
12. We will never regret piercing our ears.
13. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
14. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.
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Am I right? Does she sound just a little bitter? No doubt in my mind she has issues she’s not dealing with all that well. I think it’s time for my contribution to this discussion in a much more rational and male manner. I’ll address her points one-by-one.
“Reasons Why It’s Better to Be a Man”
1. We don’t get and complain about gynecological disorders but if we had to listen to our women explain them, then we’d probably jump off the Titanic voluntarily.
2. We have vehicles and require no taxis.
3. We don’t need to dance to display the goods. Here they are.
4. We may wear the occasional Speedo at the beach but we never go to Walmart in a dirty pink sweat suit with Hot & Juicy printed across the ass.
5. We pass gas which eases our pain and keeps us from becoming as mean and disagreeable than our gas-pained female friends and lovers.
6. We love to shave, it makes us clean and neat, not hairy and scary like some of the girls.
7. We have the maturity and passion to show our male friends the “Thrill of Victory” and the “Agony of Defeat” without worrying about what our homophobic female friends think.
8. We don’t reach down to touch ourselves to make sure our junk is still there. We do that for those females with a short attention span so they won’t forget where the goods really are.
9. We dress ourselves in a simple manner because if it’s too complicated our poor female lovers can’t figure a way to remove our clothing.
10. We talk to the opposite sex because we have the unique ability to accurately picture them naked.
11. We won’t marry someone 20 years older than us because that would make us look like an idiot.
12. We will never regret much of anything, EVER.
13. We carry a supply of chocolates with us at all times to entice the welcoming chocoholic females into a gooey, chocolate, and messy sex romp.
14. We can say almost anything we want in the presence of women because they’re too busy yakking it up with each other to hear what we have to say.
15th and Most Important: WE HAVE CUSTODY OF THE PENIS. With that in our favor we really own most women except for the occasion Lesbian. But even they find it necessary at times to make detailed replicas of the penis for their amusement and the amusement of their partners.
MEN RULE
(Sarcasm Off)
As I’ve mentioned previously my better-half’s daughter is a Math teacher in one of our local Middle Schools. I love listening to her war stories when we get together because I envy her at times. Nothing is more important than education and the interaction with the students is what I consider a major perk. Unfortunately some students take a little longer to get their act together as you will see in the following short essays. All errors in spelling and grammar remain as they were written. They will make you smile.
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The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
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The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinnesss, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother’s son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
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Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
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Without the Greeks we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns – Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
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Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
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In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
They made me laugh a little and took me to a whole new level of respect for teachers. Molding these youngsters into intelligent and thoughtful human beings is quite the challenge and I’m just glad there are people out there who’ve been called to the teaching profession. Just amazing.
And last but not least I’d like to acknowledge and thank my newest followers. I encourage you to visit their sites and to enjoy their efforts as I do. Thanks again.
frainkey
likedandsharedthis
solberg73
kayleighmahon
Tanner Hawryluk
jamesneed
bettersexadvice
The business of being a one-legged invalid continues. It’s been two weeks since the accident and I’m going out of my mind being trapped in this house. I’m spending a great deal of time surfing the net but even that wears on you after a while. I’m also sick and tired of hearing about Obama and Obamacare.
It’s always been said that you can tell how a politician or his programs are really doing just by listening to the late night comedians. For years that’s been a much more accurate way to gauge things than polling. Why spend hundreds of thousands of dollars a year of our hard earned tax dollars on polling when you all you really need to do is tune in and listen to Jay Leno’s monologues.
I loved Johnny Carson’s ability to slam and ridicule politicians with a grin on his face and his audience laughing their collective asses off. In some ways Leno and his writers are almost as good. They never miss an opportunity to cut through the administrations BS and get to the real point in a funny manner. To me and millions of others this Obamacare program isn’t the least bit funny but as a last resort I’ll take the truth anyway I can find it. Here’s a collection of some recent Jay Leno one-liners that explain Obama and Obamacare perfectly. They’re funny and sad at the same time.
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"The Obama White House website still says if you like your health plan, you can keep it. That’s false, of course. The president says they’re trying to correct it, but his website people can’t seem to log on."
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"President Obama said he is sorry that some Americans have lost their existing health coverage due to Obamacare. I think he’s getting a little desperate. Today he said if you like your complete lack of coverage, you can keep your complete lack of coverage."
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"President Obama’s approval rating is down to 39 percent. And Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, who admitted to smoking crack cocaine, went up to 49 percent. How does this make Obama feel? He’d be better off smoking crack than passing Obamacare."
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"According to CBS News, only six people enrolled in Obamacare on the first day of the rollout. Six! That means more people have walked on the moon than have signed up for Obamacare."
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"Con artists are using Obamacare confusion to sign people up for fake health insurance. The scammers lure victims with false promises like, ‘If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep your healthcare plan.’ The scammers will tell you that, so you have to be careful."
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"There was some good news today for embattled Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. Obamacare will cover all her injuries after the White House throws her under the bus. She is totally covered."
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"For years President Obama has been saying that no one would lose their healthcare plan. Now the White House has admitted that in fact many people will lose their plans. But there is a way to keep the great coverage you have. Just become a member of Congress. Then the taxpayers pay for the whole thing."
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"The White House now says the Obamacare website will be fixed by the end of November. So if your doctor has only given you three weeks to live, sorry pal."
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"Today there were more problems with the Obamacare website. It seems when you type in your age, it’s confusing because it’s not clear if they want the age you are right now, or the age you’ll be when you finally log in."
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"I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don’t think I’m doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold ‘Em."
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"According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it’s simple to identify the phony sites because they are easy to log on to."
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"We’ve got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor about the government making you sick."
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"Before they went on vacation, Congress voted to exempt themselves from Obamacare. They gave themselves a special exemption because they thought it was too expensive. So the people who voted for Obamacare for us voted to exempt themselves from it. You know how doctors take the Hippocratic Oath. Congress apparently takes the ‘Hypocritic Oath.’"
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"The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It’s their bill. If it’s too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act?"
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"The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed you’d be able to keep your doctor, and now they’re saying you ‘might’ be able to. Today Obama changed his slogan from ‘Yes we can’ to ‘Perhaps we could try. Can’t promise anything."
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"President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing."
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"This week will mark the 37th time House Republicans have tried to repeal Obamacare. If Republicans really wanted to do away with Obamacare they should just endorse it as a conservative non-profit and let the IRS take it down."
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"Congratulations to President Obama on being reelected president of the United States. Turns out it is not all bad news for the Republicans. It seems that depression is covered by Obamacare."
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"If you’re an illegal immigrant in Arizona hoping to become a citizen so you can get free healthcare, this is the greatest week of your life."
You have to admit that hearing about one of the worst political nightmares to hit this country in decades is best done with humor. It’s way better than listening to me whine and cry and reiterate my feelings for this failed Presidency.
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