Archive for the ‘Just Saying’ Category
After my raucous celebration of Earth Day, I thought a little humor would improve my morning. It’s only right that if I’m having a good morning, I should pass along some of that goodness to you. Here’s a short joke to start things off.
Q. What are the three words men hate to hear during sex? “Are you done?”
Q. What are the three words women hate to hear during sex? “Honey, I’m home.”
I thoroughly enjoyed this joke which made me laugh out loud when I read it. Who doesn’t love sheep?
🐏🐏🐏
A new farmer buys several sheep hoping to breed them. After several weeks he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant and calls a local vet for some help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what that means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into the back of his truck, drives them out into the woods, screws them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
In the morning, he wakes up and looks out at the sheep. Seeing as they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn’t take and again loads them into the truck. He drives them out to the woods, screws each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back home and goes to bed.
The next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still standing around. Out of frustration he again proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day sheep screwing, and upon returning home falls totally exhausted into bed.
Morning arrives and he can’t even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if any of the sheep are lying in the grass.
“No”, she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is beeping the horn.”
KEEP SMILING PERVERTS
Well yesterday was when the ever-so-lame Earth Day was celebrated. I’ve never celebrated this day the same way I don’t recognize or celebrate Kwanza. All of you so-called “Greenies” out there can get as excited as you’d like but not me. My concern for the environment is ongoing every day and not just on one day. Many people are truly “Green” but they’re in the minority. The majority of citizens when polled all love Earth Day but ask them again a week later. They aren’t quite that serious about it as they’d like everyone to believe. It’s become a social stigma not to beat the environmental drum.
This is a partial repost from April of 2013 to show that my opinions remain unchanged. Here are a few facts about how Earth Day was started and by the POS who was responsible. Read and learn you “Green” fools about one of your demi-gods who cared more for the planet than the life of an innocent women.
I’ve been around since the inception of Earth Day by Ira Einhorn and his half-assed hippy movement and while some of the initial ideas were valid concerning abuses of the environment it has now evolved into a semi-religious movement with goals and political aims that go way too far and are harming the country. Everything green becomes more important than life itself. The movement has no respect about another person’s property rights, their jobs, or the devastating effect many of the stupid EPA laws have had on unsuspecting citizens and businesses.
As in any political movement you must look at the leader for his ideas and credibility. Einhorn to me is just a stone-cold killer who thinks the laws of society don’t apply to him.
Ira Samuel Einhorn, a.k.a. “The Unicorn Killer” (born May 15, 1940), is a convicted murderer, and American activist of the 1960s and 1970s. He is now serving a life sentence for the 1977 murder of Holly Maddux.
How many Earth Days has “Holly Maddux” missed since she was beaten to death by Einhorn, stuffed into a trunk, and stuck in a closet. It took more than twenty years to find, arrest, return him to this country, and convict him.
To quote the murderer: “Underlying the themes of Earth Day is a call for mankind to align itself with nature, and against itself, enlisting human beings to take part in a battle that seeks to place humanity under the control of an enlightened elite, one that values the interests of nature above that of people.
If you’re interested and want more information about Einhorn and Earth Day, just click here to learn more about the case:
IRA EINHORN’S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
OH YEAH – HAPPY EARTH DAY HOLLY
I’ve made it clear over the years that I’m a huge fan of Isaac Asimov. I’ve tried to read as many of his writings as I could find, and his limericks are outstandingly bawdy. He also has another talent which I really appreciate and that was his ability to collect odd facts. It never ceases to amaze me how diverse his level of knowledge became over the years, and it still fascinates me. It was one of my motivations for starting this blog because there are just so many interesting odd and weird facts available and most of them never see the light of day. This blog is my way of bringing as many of those facts as possible to light so you all can enjoy them. Today’s topic of discussion will be the world of entertainment. Where else could you find the appropriate amount of weirdness that Asimov so religiously documented. Here we go.
- Not until 1959 was a play by a black woman produced on Broadway. 29-year-old Lorraine Hansberry’s starred in, A Raisin in the Sun, which concerned the problems (comic and serious) of a black family in modern day America. It was highly successful and eventually made into a motion picture.
- The great French actress Sarah Bernhardt was obsessed with death. As a teenager, she made frequent visits to the Paris morgue to look at corpses of derelicts dragged up from the Seine, and she begged her mother to buy her a pretty rosewood coffin with white satin lining. The coffin became part of the Bernhardt legend. Occasionally, she slept in it, and eventually she was buried in it when she died at the age of 79.
- A U.S. television network’s dramatic representation of the trial of Nazi judges was sponsored by the natural gas industry. The word “gas” was excised from the script, but a few “gases” slipped by the censors; those had to be blipped before the program was aired.
- During the pre-Broadway tour of the 1936 musical Red, Hot and Blue, Cole Porter had to do a lot of rewriting. Rather than hire a professional stenographer to take his dictations and transcribe the changes, he used the services of one of the stars of the show, Ethel Merman. Before she went into show business, Ms. Merman had been a secretary. Porter described her as “among the best stenographers I’ve ever had.”
- A tambourinelike instrument used in old time minstrel shows was made from the jawbone of a horse or ass, from which the instrument got its name, “Bones.” When the bone was thoroughly dried, the teeth were so loose they rattled and produced sounds as loud as a castanet. Every minstrel troupe had a “Mr. Bones.”
- Rin Tin Tin, for years the most famous dog in the world, was born to a war-dog mother in a German trench in France during World War I. Deserted when the Germans retreated, the German-shepherd puppy was found by an American officer who just happened to be a police dog-trainer from California. He trained Rin Tin Tin when they returned home. The dog was so intelligent he came to the notice of Warner Brothers Studios, which signed him up for what turned out to be a long career as one of the biggest box office draws of the silent screen era.
I just love these hidden stories and facts and envy Azimov’s ability to research and publish all of them. I’m happy to share them with you and I hope you enjoyed them.
THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, ISAAC!
To all of the baseball lovers out there, here’s a little trivia that goes back seventy-two years. It’s nice to know that the tradition of the game remains as frustrating and fascinating as ever.
In baseball there is no clock. A pro basketball game lasts 48 minutes while hockey and football games last 60 minutes. But as the old saying goes, a baseball game (or the inning) isn’t over until the final out. A game on May 21, 1952, between the Cincinnati Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers proved the old saying true.
The first half-inning had lasted one hour. Twenty-one batters had gotten hits and seven walks, and two batters had been hit by a pitched ball. Fifteen runs had scored, and three men were left on base. The following day the New York Times printed some of the records the Brooklyn team had broken in that that first-half inning:
Most runs scored in one inning (15)
Most runs scored in the first inning (15)
Most runs scored with two outs (12)
Most batters to bat in one inning (21)
Most batters to reach base safely in a row (19)
This last record may be the most amazing of all. Only the first batter and the last had not gotten on base safely. The 19 batters in between had all made it – even the man who was put out on the basepaths for the second out. The Times confessed it couldn’t be sure that 19 batters in a row was a record, but if any major league team ever did better, no one remembers the occasion.
⚾⚾⚾
PLAY BALL & GOOD LUCK TO THE PIRATES
I’m feeling the need for some limericks today. I recently came across a book that I picked up at an on-line thrift bookstore and it was a former Boise Public Library book with a date of 2015. It’s a book of limericks written by children for children and some of them are priceless. With that in mind here are four that I particularly liked. I hope you will too.
A teacher of English, Ms. White,
Whose students got everything right,
Would put on her shades
As she wrote down her grades
Because all of her kids were so bright.
😉😉😉
“Ahoy!” Said a pirate named Marrrrty,
Who was fun loving, healthy, and hearrrrty.
“I believe it’s my duty
To go shake my booty,
Cause nothing is more fun than a parrrrty!”
🤪🤪🤪
Said little first grader Pam Plunkett,
“The past tense of ‘shrink it’ is ‘shrunk it.”
Told, “Yes, that is true!
“Just who taught that to you?”
She said, “Not really sure, I just thunk it.”
🤗🤗🤗
A French chef we all call Miss Margo
Cooks lunch at our school here in Fargo.
But we wouldn’t eat
Any yucky frog meat,
So she makes something’ she calls “S cargo.”
*****
SPECIAL THANKS TO BRIAN CLEARY
I’ve had a relationship for more than fifty years with the criminal justice system in this country. Starting as a cop, then a private investigator, a corporate Loss Prevention specialist, and eventually working for the State of Maine in the Judicial Branch. I’m fascinated with all aspects of the profession which includes collecting odd bits of trivia which I’ll share with you today.
- The world’s first police detective was Eugene Françoise Vidocq. The Frenchman founded the plainclothes civil police unit, the Brigade de la se Surete, in 1812.
- C. Auguste Dupin was the world’s first fictional police detective. Edgar Allen Poe used Eugene François Vidocq as a model for his character C. Auguste Dupin in the 1841 short story “The Murders in the Rue Morgue,” which is considered to be the world’s first detective story.
- The act of hanging, drawing, and quartering was not abolished in England until 1870.
- Sheraton Hope and Ormond Sacker were the original names of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous crime-fighting duo, Sherlock Homes and Dr. John Watson. They first appeared in a novel called “A Tangled Skein.” Doyle ultimately changed the novel’s title to “A Study in Scarlet” when it was officially published in 1887.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has sold more books than J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien combined.
- One in four convicts ultimately exonerated by DNA evidence confessed or pled guilty to crimes they did not commit.
- Until 1998 it was a valid defense against rape or sexual battery in Mississippi to claim that the female victim was not chaste in character.
- From the 11th to the 18th centuries criminals were executed in southeast Asia by being crushed by an elephant.
- A real-life member of Scotland Yard, Inspector Charles Frederick Field, was friends with author Charles Dickens and introduced Dickens to many of London’s criminal haunts. Dickens later featured the inspector in his 1851 short story “On Duty with Inspector Field.”
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE
A young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They first went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, she seemed somewhat bored. “What would you like to do next?” he asked. “I want to be weighed,” she said. So, the young man took her over to the weight guesser. “112 lbs,” said the man at the scale, and he was obviously right. Next, they took a ride on the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then asked what else she would like to do. “I want to be weighed,” she said again. I really latched onto an odd one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse that he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl’s mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, “What’s wrong, dear, didn’t you have a nice time tonight?” “It was “Wousy,” said the girl.
Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
When Ralph first noticed his penis was growing longer and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. After several weeks his penis had grown to twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned as he was having problems dressing and even walking. So, he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph’s condition could be fixed with corrective surgery. “How long will Ralph be on crutches?” the wife asked anxiously. “Crutches? Why would he need crutches?” responded the doctor. “Well,” said Ralph’s wife coldly, “you are going to lengthen his legs, aren’t you?”
Q. What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Fritz cracker?
A. One’s a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY . . .
AND MAYBE A LITTLE NAKED AS WELL
I stumbled upon a book of limericks some months ago and finally took the time to read through it. Bear in mind that the writers of these limericks are now 57 years older, and many have sadly passed away. Let me bring a few of their limericks back to life if only for a moment for you to enjoy them. These are selections related to our loving pets and other lovable animals.
There was a young man who was bitten
By 42 cats and a kitten,
Cried he, “It is clear
My end is quite near,
No matter, I’ll die like a Briton.
A cat in despondency sighed,
And resolved to commit suicide.
He got under the wheels
Of nine automobiles,
And after the last one he died.
There was a young man from the city,
Who met what he thought was a kitty.
He gave it a pat,
And said, “Nice little cat!”
And they buried his clothes out of pity.
One day I went out to the zoo,
For I wanted to see the old gnu,
But the old gnu was dead,
They had a new gnu instead,
And that gnu, well, he knew he was new.
*****
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND
I’m feeling quite miscellaneous today. This last week has been a huge pain in the ass with two days of no electric or internet, and the never-ending smartphone interruptions. Add to that an ice storm and finally a visit to my least favorite doctor, my dentist. Things are now back in to normal (whatever the hell that means). Here is a Mish Mosh of trivia items that caught my interest earlier today, so let’s get this started with a list of ten actual pornographic movie titles that were takeoffs of real Hollywood movies.
Tiger’s Wood
Edward Penishands
Beverley Hills 9021-Ho!
Pulp Friction
Shaving Ryan’s Privates
Forest Hump
Raiders of the Lost Arse
Titty Titty Gang Bang
May the Foreskin Be With You
Girth, Wind, and Fire
Here are a few tidbits of mostly obscure information on a few of Hollywood’s endless supply of alleged celebrities.
- Sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer of TV fame is a trained rifle sniper.
- One of the few celebrities I like is Mel Brooks. Most people don’t realize that he fought in the Battle of the Bulge during World War II.
- Many of you will remember the late James Doohan (Scotty from Star Trek) who was shot six times during the D-Day landings in World War II.
- The word “fuck” appears more than 265 times in the 1994 film Pulp Fiction.
- As a follow-up here are a few facts from the 1998 movie The Big Lebowski. The word “fuck” is spoken 292 times, the word dude is spoken 161 times, and the word man 147 times.
- The male lead in The Terminator was initially offered to O.J. Simpson and Mel Gibson. They both turned it down and Schwarzenegger stepped in.
- Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger earned roughly $21,490 per word in the movie The Terminator. He received $15 million for the role and spoke only 700 words.
BEAM ME UP SCOTTY, PLEASE!
The human body never ceases to amaze. Just when you think you’ve heard everything you could possibly hear about human bodies and their uses and peculiarities, you find out you had no idea just how strange they can be. So, let me start your education with more facts about your human body.
- Fingernails grow four times faster than toenails.
- Bright light and sunshine can make you sneeze.
- Right-handed people live on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
- Redheads are more likely than other people to be left-handed.
- Humans sweat up to a pint of fluid each night.
- Humans can survive longer without food than they can without sleep.
- Sleeping with an electric blanket can interrupt your sleep patterns and make it difficult to get a good night’s sleep.
- Your belly button is home to more than 60 strains of bacteria.
- The average adult toenail is home to 43 species of fungi.
And here’s an historical fun fact that is one of my favorites:
Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay about farts and flatulence called “Fart Proudly”.
HUMAN ANIMALS – WOW!
everyuselessthing.com 