Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category
Well, it looks like winter is finally fading away. What does that mean to most of us? Warm weather and lots of sports. Today I want to combine your love of sports with my love of limericks. Here are four limericks concerning golf and baseball. Enjoy!
They say that ex-president Taft,
When hit by a golf ball, just laughed,
And said:” I’m not sore,
But although he called “Fore”,
The place that it struck me was “aft!”
🍀🍀🍀
A golfer, employing a wedge,
Clipped his chip shot behind a thick hedge.
But he hadn’t been seen,
So, he strolled to the green
And dropped a new ball on the edge.
🍀🍀🍀
The slider just slid past the bat,
And the curveball? Too flat to get at.
The pitcher’s last ball
Was his fastest fastball,
So, I’m three strikes and out. And that’s that!
🍀🍀🍀
I hit every home run we score.
I catch every catch and what’s more
I ain’t missed a game,
You may not know my name,
But I’m up here in row eighty-four.
PLAY BALL!!!
Let’s have a little fun today. While I’m not the greatest sports fan who’s ever lived, I have a deep and abiding passion for baseball. Not listening to or watching games on television (other than the Little League World Series) but actual playing at it for many years. I find watching sports these days is as much fun as watching paint dry. They’re not the same games as they were when I was growing up. All that being said there are certain things about sports that are universal and forever and one of those is the words of wisdom spoken by Yogi Berra. He was a great ballplayer, but his little tidbits of wisdom made him more famous than baseball. I’ve picked up a few of them here and there over the years and then I discovered a gold mine of them in recent weeks. These are the ones I like the best and here they are for your enjoyment. Let’s go…
- “This is like déjà vu all over again.”
- “You got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
- In reference to movie star Steve Queen, “He must’ve made that movie before he died.”
- When asked what he would do if he found $1 million, he stated, “I’d find the fellow who lost it and if he was poor, I’d return it.”
- “Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.”
- “A nickel isn’t worth a dime today.”
- When asked for the time, he stated, “Do you mean now?”
- “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
- “I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it wasn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?”
- “It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.”
- When asked about his hat size he stated, ” I don’t know. I’m not in shape yet.”
- “You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”
- “I take a two-hour nap, from one o’clock to four.”
- “You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough, in the second half you give what’s left.”
- “I didn’t really say everything I said.”
Well, there you have it folks. The sport of baseball hasn’t been the same since Yogi retired and passed away. We need more like him in all of today’s sports to keep us aware that it’s just a game for kids. That’s how it was before it became nothing but agents, money, negotiations, social media, media interviews, and a few hundred talking heads who think they have all the answers. They’ve all done their best to ruin “Americas Pastime” and it’s a damn shame.
STRIKE 1, STRIKE 2, STRIKE 3
YOUR OUT!
I know that some of you are going to find this hard to believe but as a child of two I was a serious problem for my mother and father. The term “Terrible Two’s” really meant something to them as they reminded me so often over the years. I was a bit rebellious even then and stayed that way for most of my adult life. In 1948 I was two years old and it was also a year of transition for the country due to the end of World War II. Here are a few facts and figures from 1948 for your amusement.
- Harry S. Truman was named President of the United States but never appointed a vice president when he first took over the office after the death of FDR. The population of the United States at the time was 146,631,000.
- The number of births recorded in that year were 3,637,000.
- There were 563,000 males graduated from high school as did 627,000 females.
- Average salary for a full-time employee was $2900.00 and the minimum wage per hour was $.40.
- The Cleveland Indians defeated the Boston Braves in the World Series.
- And in NFL news, the Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Chicago Cardinals to win the championship..
- The PGA championship was won by Ben Hogan.
- The popular word game Scrabble made its debut in 1948 and soon became the source of stimulation and fun for families on cold winter nights. Many of the favorite toys of the time were interactive and included Lincoln Logs, the game Cootie, Jack-in-the-Box, model airplanes, and electric trains.
- The Hallicrafter Company developed and marketed a small television with a 4 inch screen (B&W Only) that was more affordable and convenient for some families.
- Terry Bradshaw, of the Pittsburgh Steelers, was born on September 2. Ozzy Osbourne, rock singer and musician, was born on December 3. Samuel L Jackson, actor, was born on December 21 and Orville Wright, aviation pioneer, died on January 30, 1948.
- Here are some prices you can hardly believe: a loaf of bread-$.14, a pound of bacon-$.77, a pound of butter-$.87, a dozen eggs-$.72, a gallon of milk-$.44, 10 pounds of potatoes-$.57, a pound of coffee-$.51, 5 pounds of sugar-$.47, 1 gallon of gasoline-$.26, movie tickets-$.36, postage stamps-three cents, and average family car-$1250, and last but not least a single-family home-$7700.00
- During a Yankee Stadium anniversary event on June 13, 1948, Babe Ruth stepped to the microphone, thanked friends and fans for their support, and retired. On August 16, at 8:01 p.m. he passed away.
- The 1948 Winter Olympics were held in St. Moritz, Switzerland, and were the first Olympics since 1936, due to World War II.
- The Summer Olympics were also revived, with London hosting the games. For the first time the games were televised allowing Americans to view athletes from the United States and 58 other nations. Germany and Japan however were barred from participating. The United States closed the games with 84 medals, 38 of which were gold, making America by far the top medal winning nation.
- On May 14, 1948, Israel declared its independence, technically ending it’s civil war, but the conflict between Arab and Israeli groups continued.
- The World Health Organization was established on April 7, 1948.
- The Lone Ranger, The Green Hornet, The Adventures of Sam Spade, and Inner Sanctum, were some of the favorite radio stars and shows of 1948.
- The top hit song of the year was “Buttons and Bows” by Dinah Shore.
- Some of the most popular movies for the year were Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Fort Apache, Key Largo, The Three Musketeers, and The Treasure of Sierra Madre.
So ended my Terrible Two’s which allowed me to move up to my Terrible Three’s and then my Terrible Fours. I pretty much stayed “Terrible” until Monday of last week.
SAY GOODBYE TO 1948
Years ago my favorite blogger, the late, great, Acid Man, wrote a few hundred words on swearing, cussing, and the differences between the two. I am nowhere near as eloquent as he but here goes anyway.
I come from an area in the country known for its blue-collar roots, coal miners, mill workers, and some downright bad ass cusser’s. Western Pennsylvania is arrogant in its pride of self and I find myself guilty of that at times. At age four I was sitting on a street corner in Natrona, Pennsylvania with my grandfather and swearing for nickels and pennies from his buddies. If by chance I yelled the ultimate motherfucker, I got a quarter and some ice cream. So you have to admit I come by swearing honestly.
Of course we were all raised as avid Steeler fans and if you didn’t curse loudly and often enough while watching their games then you were a horse’s ass. Any bastard who called some other son-of-a-bitch a rotten prick was a no good shithead or so I’ve been told. You always had to be ready to voice your support for the Steelers as they kicked the shit out of those pussies from Cleveland and those bastards from Houston (hopefully).
We lived in a diverse area with Irish, Poles, Slavs, Blacks, Italians, and the occasional Hispanic. To be a professional cusser in our neighborhood you had to know cuss words in at least six different languages to be properly understood. We were the UN of fucking, half-assed, dirty rotten language and damn proud of it.
I’ve now lived in New England for more than 37 years and I have to admit that the swearing here is a little more laid back than I’m used to. A little too polite and prissy for a boy from fucking Pennsylvania. I actually look forward to trips back home where I can walk into a bar after 37 years of living in New England and have someone say, “Hey, who let that motherfucker in here and is he buying the next goddamn round?”. It’s just not the same here in New England. Two F-bombs in one sentence seems to be too much for New England sensibilities. Well hell, if they don’t fucking like it they can kiss my fucking ass.
I LOVE CUSSING AND “GO STEELERS”
RIGHT JB?
As I began thinking about posting this blog as I awakened this morning it was 4:10 am and I was barely human. You need to understand something, I am not a fisherman. Nonetheless I was up and on my way for a day of deep sea fishing and thank God for Dunkin Donut’s Coffee.
We arrived at Camp Ellis, Maine, stowed our cooler on the boat and were off to begin the day at 6:00 am. Even though I’m not a fisherman I really love being on the water regardless of the reason. Weather-wise it was the perfect morning. It was nice and cool with a light breeze and forecasters were calling for a bright and sunny day. For once they were right on target.
My nephew and better-half were all fired up and ready to go and it didn’t take long for their fishing lines to get into the water. We made a quick stop over a large school of mackerel to fill the live bait tank and then proceeded to our first fishing spot. The two of them caught almost forty mackerel in fifteen minutes.
Our guide brought us to one of his favorite fishing holes and within the first hour my better-half snagged four good sized stripped bass and one dumb ass seagull. The stupid bird insisted on diving into the water and was hooked trying to steal her bait. Fortunately he was captured, manhandled, and immediately released. He should have stayed ashore at the nearby McDonalds and had a breakfast of french fries like all of his buddies. Birds can be so stupid.
I normally don’t post photos of friends and family on the blog but in this case they are demanding it. Here they are with their prizes.
A fun day was had by all but we still were happy to return home for a quick shower, a short nap, and to relax until those big fat steaks that I’ll be cooking later were ready to eat. I think we all need many more days like this one. This day was the perfect example of the proverbial “mental health day”. It was fantastic.
It appears I may have contracted one of a number of viruses, cold, or a flu of some sort. Winter is tough enough when your confined to your home but being ill at the same time is murder. My energy level is such that I’m postponing all of my current projects for a while.
The bathroom remodel is on hold after making a surprisingly good start. All of the supplies have been delivered from Lowe’s and are piling up in my man-cave. That’ll start driving me crazy in short order. I’ve resigned myself to more sedentary tasks such as writing and sketching and a hour or so everyday of Halo where I can kill a few aliens without tiring myself out. There’s nothing so satisfying as ridding a planet of bad guys without getting out of your favorite chair.
I just finished having my breakfast which was an experiment in eating. One of our Christmas gifts this year was a NutriBullet used to make any number of smoothies to help us drink our way to good health. I always thought that was what bourbon was for but things change I guess. I eat more than my share of veggies and herbs and I really prefer eating them on a plate and not in a smoothie. For me smoothies sole purpose is to give me a proper substitute for creamy, sweet, and satisfying milkshakes. With that thought in mind I decided to try something different.
Normally I’m fairly regimented in my eating habits. I love cereal and try to have it three times a week. My other option is bacon and eggs and I’ve tried to cut back on that in recent years to just once every two weeks. This morning I filled the NutriBullet with two cups of almond milk (which I’ve come to love), a cup and a half of cereal containing freeze dried strawberries, oat chunks, and bran. I dropped in a half cup of blueberries and gave it two minutes in the NutriBullet. I was as shocked as anyone when I tasted it. It was fantastic and I’ll be having it again real soon. It may not be the oft praised health food that the fanatics require but it works for me.
The cat and I are spending some quality time together this morning after a couple of weeks of disputes. He’s been banned from our bedroom at night because of his insistence on waking us up at odd hours for no apparent reason. I locked him out of the bedroom a week ago and he been more than a little pissy ever since. He doesn’t like change in his life anymore than the rest of us but he has no choice but to adjust.
I plan on taking it easy for a few more days until after the Super Bowl and then try and get back to work. I’ve just downloaded four more novels for my Kindle and that should keep me occupied until then.
Life goes on whether we like it or not.
I think it’s a good day for another trivia quiz with questions about something of which I’m not all that familiar. As I’ve said many times before I’m not a huge sports fan but I do know that many of the readers of this blog are. With that in mind here are 10 fairly difficult sports trivia questions which should challenge even the best sports trivia fanatics.
As always I’ll list the correct answers tomorrow and you can see just how good you really are. I scored a big fat zero on this one. I hope you sports people can at least do better than that. Have fun.
* * *
1. What souvenir did New York Giant linebacker Lawrence Taylor request from a referee after he played his last game in January 1994?
2. What was the first sport in which women were invited to compete at the Olympics?
3. What Baseball Hall of Fame pitcher hit a home run in his first major league at-bat and never hit another?
4. Who was the first athlete to hit a major league home run and make a professional football touchdown in the same week?
5. What basketball player racked up the greatest number of personal fouls during his professional career?
6. Who was the first professional football player to run for more than 2000 yards in a season?
7. How many baseball gloves can be made from one cow?
8. Why did the Cincinnati Reds baseball team send an autographed second-base bag to cowboy movie star Roy Rogers?
9. Who was scheduled to be the next batter when Bobby Thomson hit his famous home run in the 1951 National League playoffs, winning the pennant for the New York Giants?
10. What is the meaning of basketball great Shaquille Rashaun O’Neal’s given Islamic name?
* * *
As you can see I wasn’t kidding, they are tough questions. Check back tomorrow.
The Winter season is upon us in everyway except for the snow which will arrive when it’s most inconvenient as always. Everyone has been slowly abandoning their summer-wear and easing into that ever so attractive triple layered ensemble of t-shirts, sweaters, sweat shirts, gloves, hats, and parkas. People watching takes an ugly turn every year at this time and I’ll sure miss the bikinis, thongs, short skirts, and beautiful tans. It’s the worst part of winter for me.
It gets so bad at times that after a few months, usually in February, you might find yourself making a early trip to the local mall to have a coffee and watch the ever increasing numbers of people doing their morning walk. There’s nothing more sad than making an early morning visit to a semi-deserted mall just to watch other idiots trying to make some human contact and to get the hell out of the house for an hour or so.
I’m a little jealous of those folks who can’t wait for the snow to arrive so they have a place to play. I’m way too clumsy to be a snow bunny. As a kid I managed to injure myself on a regular basis during every Winter season without even trying too hard. Skiing was always good for a twisted knee or an up close and personal relationship with the occasional tree or shrub. Once or twice I was actually able to ski down a hill, knocking over other skiers along the way, and then ending up in a creek with thin ice and really cold water. We skated on a remote pond for years and without fail I always managed to fall through the ice on a few occasions.
After decades of minor injuries from walking on snow and ice I gave up. No skiing, no skating, and definitely no snowmobiling. When my friends in Maine discovered my failures as a snow bunny they began to give me odd looks and began whispering behind my back. This was the motivation I needed to get serious about resolving my winter issues. After many years I’ve discovered the only winter activity I’m good at.
As you are certainly aware every ski lodge has things in common with the others. There’s always a chair lift, snow, a big mountain, and a lodge. My winter activities this year will be centered primarily around the lodge and it’s varied selection of things to do. There are lovely rooms to sleep and play in. There are hot tubs, Jacuzzis, and untold numbers of young and attractive individuals to meet and interact with. My favorite thing in every lodge is that comfortable bar stool that sits at the end of the bar near the huge picture window. There I can sit, drink, eat, meet, and greet everyone. The only possible injuries I might suffer would be from an accidental fall from the bar stool which would only involve a spilled drink and possibly a small bruise on my buttocks. The other and more dangerous injury would be from one of the many skiers I see flying down the mountain just outside my window. If by chance one of them loses control and crashes through the window, I could be seriously injured. If I stay alert I should be fine but you never know. It also requires that I surround myself with a bevy of alcohol drinking buxom women to help break my fall if the worst happens. As always my approach to everything Winter is SAFETY FIRST.
Hopefully this winter I’ll remain uninjured for another year. Along the way I intend to stay as warm and cozy as possible with all of my new female lodge buddies. I promise to do my part when it comes time to do a Jell-O shot or two off the stomach of an enthusiastic female volunteer.
SKIING RULES
I’m not much of a sports fan and watching sports on TV has no attraction to me whatsoever. I’ve always had better ways of spending my time than watching almost anything sport related except for possibly one thing. I will occasionally watch professional golf. Over the years I played a lot of golf with my father. He introduced me to it at age 13 and I played regularly for more than twenty five years with him, his coworkers, and my friends.
This week was the Presidents Cup Tournament and I didn’t watch the entire match but did waste away a few hours vegging in front of the TV. It took me back to the days when my Dad was still able to play and the fun we had competing against each other. It was a nice trip down memory lane for me. As I was watching I began to remember caddying for him in a number of golf tournaments sponsored by his employer and the many pranks I pulled on him while doing so. With that in mind I did a little searching and found the following stupid caddy remarks which will make any golfer smile.
* * *
#10
Golfer: "I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
#09
Golfer: "I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth."
#08
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes . . . . You miss the ball much closer now."
#07
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
#06
Golfer: "You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don’t think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence."
#05
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It’s not a watch – it’s a compass."
#04
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It’s very good – but personally, I prefer golf.
#03
Golfer: "Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, it’s a sin on any day."
#02
Golfer: "This is the worst course I’ve ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn’t the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago."
AND FINALLY #01
Golfer: "That can’t be my ball, it’s too old."
Caddy: "It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir."
* * *
Most people think golf is such a very serious pass-time but that couldn’t be further from the truth. With my Dad and other co-workers it was hilarious at times. I’ll offer this one story and then call this posting finished.
My father was a big, strong, and determined individual. He was known for his long and accurate drives and could get frustrated when he was having a bad day. On one particular occasion he walked to the tee on one of his favorite holes, teed up, and hit the ball so far in the woods it couldn’t be found. Up until that time it had been a close round but with that shot he lost the match. He proceeded to take his driver, twirled it around his head, and threw it as far as he could into the trees. He then walked off cursing and swearing and never looked back.
For months afterward as we all played golf on that same course we laughed our asses off every time we came to that hole because his bent and twisted driver could be seen in the top of a nearby tree. It was just so damn funny. The best part of the prank occurred more than a year later at his retirement dinner when his buddies climbed up that tree, retrieved the club, had it bronzed and mounted on a plaque, and gave it back to him as his retirement gift.
How can you not like golf with good friends like that.
Not being a huge football or sports fan has distinct advantages for me. I can ridicule any team at any time for any reason and I do as often as I can. It’s difficult because so many people admire, desire, and worship these football heroes (I use the term loosely) that they’ll attack anyone who isn’t awed by the mere sight of them. My hero worshiping days were short lived after all of the scandals: cheating, lying, steroid use, and criminal activities. No more sports heroes for me thank you very much. I’ll stick to the real heroes, our servicemen and women who sacrifice so these hulks can make millions of dollars and be praised by the masses.
Here are a few notable quotes, past and present, by some of those sports heroes. Thank God all of their colleges found a way to help them graduate.
* * *
Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs that we went to."
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season…"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." – Joe Theismann
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for four years, not Princeton."
Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships: "I’ve won at every level, except college and pro."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team’s 7-27 record: "We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play."
Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."
Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet."
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’ "
* * *
What more needs to be said? The more they insist on standing up and talking to the media the more material I’ll have for postings like this. Keep close tabs on your sports programs for those pregame, half-time, and post game interviews. They’re almost as entertaining as the games.
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