Archive for the ‘books’ Tag
I’ve made it clear over the years that I’m a huge fan of Isaac Asimov. I’ve tried to read as many of his writings as I could find, and his limericks are outstandingly bawdy. He also has another talent which I really appreciate and that was his ability to collect odd facts. It never ceases to amaze me how diverse his level of knowledge became over the years, and it still fascinates me. It was one of my motivations for starting this blog because there are just so many interesting odd and weird facts available and most of them never see the light of day. This blog is my way of bringing as many of those facts as possible to light so you all can enjoy them. Today’s topic of discussion will be the world of entertainment. Where else could you find the appropriate amount of weirdness that Asimov so religiously documented. Here we go.
- Not until 1959 was a play by a black woman produced on Broadway. 29-year-old Lorraine Hansberry’s starred in, A Raisin in the Sun, which concerned the problems (comic and serious) of a black family in modern day America. It was highly successful and eventually made into a motion picture.
- The great French actress Sarah Bernhardt was obsessed with death. As a teenager, she made frequent visits to the Paris morgue to look at corpses of derelicts dragged up from the Seine, and she begged her mother to buy her a pretty rosewood coffin with white satin lining. The coffin became part of the Bernhardt legend. Occasionally, she slept in it, and eventually she was buried in it when she died at the age of 79.
- A U.S. television network’s dramatic representation of the trial of Nazi judges was sponsored by the natural gas industry. The word “gas” was excised from the script, but a few “gases” slipped by the censors; those had to be blipped before the program was aired.
- During the pre-Broadway tour of the 1936 musical Red, Hot and Blue, Cole Porter had to do a lot of rewriting. Rather than hire a professional stenographer to take his dictations and transcribe the changes, he used the services of one of the stars of the show, Ethel Merman. Before she went into show business, Ms. Merman had been a secretary. Porter described her as “among the best stenographers I’ve ever had.”
- A tambourinelike instrument used in old time minstrel shows was made from the jawbone of a horse or ass, from which the instrument got its name, “Bones.” When the bone was thoroughly dried, the teeth were so loose they rattled and produced sounds as loud as a castanet. Every minstrel troupe had a “Mr. Bones.”
- Rin Tin Tin, for years the most famous dog in the world, was born to a war-dog mother in a German trench in France during World War I. Deserted when the Germans retreated, the German-shepherd puppy was found by an American officer who just happened to be a police dog-trainer from California. He trained Rin Tin Tin when they returned home. The dog was so intelligent he came to the notice of Warner Brothers Studios, which signed him up for what turned out to be a long career as one of the biggest box office draws of the silent screen era.
I just love these hidden stories and facts and envy Azimov’s ability to research and publish all of them. I’m happy to share them with you and I hope you enjoyed them.
THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, ISAAC!
A young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They first went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, she seemed somewhat bored. “What would you like to do next?” he asked. “I want to be weighed,” she said. So, the young man took her over to the weight guesser. “112 lbs,” said the man at the scale, and he was obviously right. Next, they took a ride on the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then asked what else she would like to do. “I want to be weighed,” she said again. I really latched onto an odd one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse that he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl’s mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, “What’s wrong, dear, didn’t you have a nice time tonight?” “It was “Wousy,” said the girl.
Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
When Ralph first noticed his penis was growing longer and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. After several weeks his penis had grown to twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned as he was having problems dressing and even walking. So, he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph’s condition could be fixed with corrective surgery. “How long will Ralph be on crutches?” the wife asked anxiously. “Crutches? Why would he need crutches?” responded the doctor. “Well,” said Ralph’s wife coldly, “you are going to lengthen his legs, aren’t you?”
Q. What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Fritz cracker?
A. One’s a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY . . .
AND MAYBE A LITTLE NAKED AS WELL
Here is another installment of some moderately disgusting 1980’s humor. How can you not appreciate the “good old days” and their “unwoke” attitude?
- Why are women like pianos? When they’re not up right, their grand!
- What do you have if you use Kaopectate, Clearasil and birth control pills? No runs, no zits, no errors!
- What’s the difference between a hold-up and a stick-up? Old age!
- What are the two stages of being a husband? When you want to be faithful but are not, and when you want to be faithful but cannot!
- What is it in the spring air that causes girls to get pregnant? Their legs!
- How many men suffer from wet dreams? Nobody suffers from wet dreams!
- What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside!
- Why did the girl take a bath in peroxide? Because she heard that on the whole gentlemen prefer blondes!
- What is French asthma ? You can only catch your breath in snatches.
- What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up your family tree, but a gynecologist just peeks inside your bush!
Here is one of my all-time favorites.
What’s the difference between frustration and panic? Frustration is the first time you find that you can’t do it the second time, and panic is the second time find out you can’t do it the first time!
LUV THE EIGHTIES
During the 80’s life was pretty interesting. I was traveling a lot, meeting a lot of people, and generally enjoying my life. But it wasn’t all fun and games as compared to the lifestyles we have currently. Anyone identified as a Millennial then would have lost their effing minds. Political correctness was a rare thing and having a sense of humor required a thick skin. I’ve come upon in recent months a number of collections of humor from the 1980’s and for all of you Millennial’s out there, buckle up, the rides about to get a little bumpy.
- When should you start playing with yourself in a restaurant? When there’s a sign that says, “First come, “first served!”
- What would call a liberal who’s overweight and perverted? A bisexual built for two!
- What did the surgeons say to the guy who wanted to do his own operation? ”Suture self!”
- Why should you always travel with a sixpack in the wintertime? In case you have to leave a message in the snow!
- What’s the harshest penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law!
- What would you call a drink made out of orange juice and milk of magnesia? A Phillips Screwdriver!
- What’s a wool diaphragm? A sock in the puss!
- What’s a sanitary pad that girls can wear while dancing? Diskotex!
- Why are erections like elections? It can get really stinky around the polls!
- When is premature ejaculation a serious problem? When it occurs between “hello” and “what’s your sign?”
My Fav: Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them, too!
How old are you? It’s a valid question that most people ask about a stranger when discussing them with a third-party, “He’s about 20 years old.”. People who are in their 20’s think people in their 30’s are old while people in their 30’s think people in their 50’s are old. It’s all relative and silly but we do it all the time without really thinking about it. In my case I think anyone younger than 60 is just a stupid kid and that should show you how really stupid it is to judge a person by their age. Today’s post is going to list some interesting accomplishments by the age of the person doing them. Using age as way to judge someone is just ridiculous as these examples will show you.
At the Age of 1
Mary, of the House of Stewart, became Queen of Scotland.
Brooke Shields was selected as the Ivory Snow baby.
At the Age of 2
Judy Garland launches her stage career.
Isabella II ascends to the Spanish throne.
At the Age of 3
Albert Einstein speaks for the first time.
Alice Liddell first meets Charles Dodgson (pen name of Lewis Carol) who later used her as inspiration to write Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.
At the Age of 4
Malcolm Little (who later changed his name to Malcolm X) watches as his family’s home was burned to the ground by members of the Ku Klux Klan.
Bob Hope emigrates from England to the United States
At the Age of 5
Devora Wilson, Mountain climber, scales a 4000-foot peak.
Christopher Robin Milne hears the first “Winnie the Pooh” story, with himself as the main character, made up by his father, A. A.
At the Age of 6
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart gives keyboard concerts across Europe.
Shirley Temple receives an honorary Oscar for her contribution to film.
Ron Howard stars as Opie in TV’s, The Andy Griffith Show.
At the Age of 7
Helen Keller, blind and deaf, master’s a vocabulary of 625 words.
Carol Brown, who travels more than an hour daily to attend a distant school because as a black she is denied admission to the local all-white school, motivates her father to file a lawsuit, resulting in the landmark Brown V. Board of Education Supreme Court decision which finds public-school segregation to be unconstitutional.
😉😉😉
My Credentials
Age 1 – Flung my full diaper at my mother.
Age 2 – Spoke my first word (Shit!)
Age 3 – Drew my first tree.
Age 4 – Threw up on my sister.
Age 5 – Drank my first drink of alcohol (bottle of perfume)
Age 6 – Ran away from school (police found me later)
MY PARENTS WERE SOOOO PROUD
I’m about to do something I promised myself I wouldn’t ever do. Today I’m going to post three truly lewd and disgusting limericks. This is to appease a small number of readers who’ve been begging and bugging me for months to print some filth. It’s not something I want to do but I will do it albeit with a slight twist. As you read these three limericks you may notice a large number of asterisks. It’s part of the twist for you to determine the missing letters. That’s the best I can do for all you pervs out there, so enjoy.
☘️☘️☘️
There was an old man of Corfu
Who fed on c**t-juice and s**w.
When he couldn’t get that,
He ate what he shat –
And bloody good s**t he shat, too.
🌶️🌶️🌶️
There was a young man of Glengarridge,
The fruit of a scrofulous marriage.
He s***ed off his brother
And b***ed his mother,
And ate up his sister’s mis****iage.
☘️☘️☘️
Said an elderly whore named Arlene,
“I prefer a young lad of eighteen.
There’s more cr**m in his larder,
And his p**ker gets h***der,
And he f**ks in a manner obscene.”
💩💩💩
I love finding odd facts. Her are a collection of fifteen interesting and somewhat puzzling tidbits.
- 60% of sports related injuries occur during practice.
- Golf may be considered a benign sport, but can carry a risk of injury and death, most often from lightning, power lines, heart attack, and heatstroke.
- Experts estimate that more than 21 billion diapers are dumped into US landfills each year.
- Adolf Hitler suffered from chronic flatulence.
- Omorashi is a fetish subculture in Japan dedicated to arousal from the feeling of having a full bladder.
- The average human will spend three years on the toilet during his lifetime.
- The most germ laden place on the toilet isn’t the seat or even the bowl: it’s the handle.
- Feces in the water supply causes 10% of the world’s communicable diseases.
- Women are up to five times more likely than men to have urinary incontinence problems, primarily due to the trauma the body experiences during pregnancy and childbirth.
- More Americans choke on toothpicks than any other object. Toothpicks injure approximately 9000 people every year.
- Thanks to the technology like TV screens in grocery stores and airports, cell phone videos, and digital movie libraries, the average American sees 61 minutes of ads and promotions each day.
- A bezoar is a ball of swallowed fiber or hair that gathers in the stomach and get stuck in the intestines.
- Ancient Romans used human urine as an ingredient in their toothpaste.
- A mummified hand has been on display in City Hall in Munster, Germany for 400 years. It belonged to a notary who falsely certified a document, and had his hand chopped off as punishment, then displayed as a warning.
- The world’s oceans contain enough salt to cover every continent to a depth of approximately 500 feet.
AND YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW EVERYTHING
EMILY
***
I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And in despair I bowed my head;
“There is no peace on earth,” I said;
“For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men.”
Quote of the Day
“When the grasshopper gathers strength to hop, it does not
know where it will land. So, it often is with poets.”
Gerald Brenan
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
At a local college dance, a guy from America asks a girl from Sweden to dance. While they are dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug.” She replies,”Yaah, in Sveden we call it a hug too.” A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.” She replies,”Yaah, in Sveden we call it a kiss too.” Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to have sex with her, saying, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich.” She says, “Yaaah, in Sveden we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
There was a young lady from Fort Kent
Who said that she knew what it meant
When men ask her to dine,
Gave her roses and wine –
She knew what it meant, but she went!
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. Today he got out and his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and jumped into the car. The only thing he said was, “F.F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E.F.” Out on the highway, he said, “F.F.” She immediately responded simply, “E.F.” He repeated it once again, “F.F.” She again replied loudly, “E.F.” “Mom! Dad! What the hell is going on?” Bernie quietly answered, “Your mother wants to eat first!”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
Conventional wisdom is to wisdom what junk food is to food.
Quote of the Day
“If the wrong man uses the right means, the right means work in the wrong way.”
Chinese Saying
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy how was I born?” The father answers, “Well, son, I guess one day you were going to find out anyway. Your mom and I first got together in an Internet chat room. Then I set up a date with her via e-mail and we met at a local cybercafe. We sneaked into a secluded hotel room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, a little Pop-up window appeared nine months later that said, “You’ve got male.”
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
There was a young man from Missouri.
Who screwed with astonishing fury,
Till taken to court
For his vigorous sport,
And condemned by a poorly hung jury.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
A man from Texas buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar as he announces that his wife has just produced a typical Texan baby boy weighing 20 pounds. Congratulations shower from all around, and many exclamations of “Wow!” are heard. Two weeks later the man again returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, aren’t you the father of the typical Texan baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth ” “How much does the baby way now?” The proud father answers, “15 pounds.” The bartender is puzzled. “Why? What happened? He already weighed 20 pounds at birth.” The Texan father takes a slow sip from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans over to the bartender and proudly announces, “We had him circumcised.”
🤗🤗🤗
Wisdom of the Day
Pornography is the attempt to insult sex.
everyuselessthing.com 