Archive for the ‘journal’ Tag
Well I was planning on spending some time writing about a few useless things today but it appears that won’t be happening. I was out of bed and on my second cup of coffee and feeling pretty good. That ended just a few minutes ago without much warning. I was going downstairs to take out some trash and to turn on the computer. Our main staircase is about thirty steps straight down to the ground floor and I just made that trip in just under two seconds.
Now I’m sitting here waiting for my ride to the hospital because I think I may have broken my leg or my ankle or just injured them badly. The pain is bad but not critical but I can’t walk on it at all. So I crawled to the computer and I’m sitting here writing this just to keep my mind occupied for a while.
I should have known that something bad was going to happen after the weird dreams I experienced just before waking this morning. I dreamt about meeting up with Bill Clinton, having a few drinks at his club, and then being abandoned when he and his driver unexpectedly left me standing along the road.
I walked a few blocks and managed to flag down a large car which strangely enough had a cargo of inmates from a local jail. The driver was kind enough to relay a message via radio to Slick Willie. He was given our location and told where to met us so he could pick me up. As his limo drove up he was standing up in the open sun roof waving at the many females walking along the side walk. He waved to me once, winked cutely, and then drove right on by and off into the sunset. All in all it was typical of what I would have expected from that SOB. Unfortunately Monica had been nowhere in sight during our encounter and fortunately for me Hillary was missing as well.
That’s the kind of dream (nightmare) I never have. Dreaming of liberals should have immediately alerted me to the real possibility of problems today but I wasn’t paying close enough attention. So here I sit in anticipation of a not-so-great day in an emergency room, being poked and prodded, and returning home unable to walk without crutches for the foreseeable future.
Just freaking wonderful Bill. I thought the days of you making me miserable were over but you’re that proverbial gift that keeps on giving. Shoot me now.
I’ll begin celebrating today after posting this blog entry. When I retired the Anti-Stupidity Blog one year ago I challenged myself to start a new blog and to write for one year, 365 posts, without missing a day and not using graphics, catchy and cutesy headlines or photographs. It sounded easy at the time but it was anything but.
I needed a lot of willpower but after the first six months my reserve of motivation was almost exhausted. I worked through it and today that challenge and goal have been met.
I’ll start fresh on October 27th (tomorrow) with an better outlook and a return to what some consider normalcy in blogging. I’ll use the occasional photograph or two in the future but not gratuitously. The majority of these photo’s will be those I’ve taken myself. I’ll be adding a word or two in addition to the date to indicate the general content of each post. Since I’ve become somewhat addicted to this style of posting it will continue this way for the foreseeable future.
I’m looking forward to the next year and I hope you are as well. Tomorrow will be the start of something a little different but the endless quantities of totally useless information will continue. The trivia quizzes will return and number of new twists can be expected there. I’ll continue to comment on celebrities and their unusual activities, other inappropriate humor, and as many dirty and filthy limericks as I can find or create. I’ll do the occasional book review and anything else that catches my fancy.
The world is my oyster and I’ll keep searching for those proverbial pearls of wisdom to pass on to you. Onward and Upward!
Doing a journal entry today is what I hope will be the beginning of a lazy day. My better-half is gone until Monday to see her parents in Delaware and to spend a little quality time with her sister in Maryland. She’s on a short four day vacation but guess what, it’s also a vacation for me and the cat.
The cat doesn’t say much but I know he’s been enjoying himself a great deal. He finally has total control and ownership of her half of the bed and is making the most of it. He’s not all that big but if he sprawls out he can cover a pretty large area. He hasn’t left the bed for more than a few minutes since she departed and I’m sure I can anticipate an interesting evening on Monday when she returns. Since the cat can be almost as stubborn as my better-half it should be quite a show.
I was able to get a lot of tasks completed yesterday and spent a few hours running from store to store. Shopping is always a chore because I find myself more interested in people watching than roaming mindlessly around looking for deals. I avoided Walmart completely because people watching there is no longer a challenge. Weirdo’s, freaks, and oddballs as far as the eye can see and that’s just the employees.
I visited another local establishment to look for a few used books and possibly a movie or two. I picked up a copy of Steven Spielberg’s Artificial Intelligence. It was a little cheaper than I thought it should be which usually means that it sucks and unfortunately it did. After watching it last night I discovered that even the great Spielberg can drop the ball every so often. I dearly love science-fiction but this move was a real stinker. Lesson learned, buy no movies from that store that are priced less than four dollars.
My dieting continues and I’m into my third month. My bodies adjusted to both the changes in my diet as well as the ever increasingly difficult exercise program. The workouts have become a normal part of my weeks activities and I’m finally comfortable with them. I’m down twenty-five pounds and going strong. I hit a plateau that lasted for almost a week where my weight refused to budge but after adjusting the workout routine I finally broke through it. It was frustrating as hell to be working so hard and seeing no results. At that time I was exercising twice a day, seven days a week. I cut back to one session a day, five days a week, and almost instantly began to lose weight again. The more weight I lose the harder it’s becoming but I just have to persevere and stay mentally strong. I’m more than half-way to my goal and that keeps me going.
As I mentioned, today is a down day for me. Nothing too strenuous, no exercising, and no errand running or shopping. I plan on watching a little TV and reading a lot. The Maine weather has gotten considerably colder in the last week so staying in and enjoying the quiet time is the perfect thing to do. Nothing is better than a hot coffee, a good book, and a lot of peace and quiet.
This is my 364th straight day of posting without either graphics or catchy headlines to grab your attention. My goal of one complete year without missing a day will be completed tomorrow. Hooray for me. I’ll be starting the second year of this blog with a fresh outlook, a clear head, catchy headlines, and all the photo’s necessary to keep it interesting.
Our best friend has finally arrived to spend the winter with us. It’s about this time every year that this friend arrives and is welcomed with open arms by us both. This friend is warm and loving like no one else and my better-half and I are looking forward to sharing our bed for the next few months with this visiting friend.
Now that you’ve all read that last paragraph and had a few of those off-color thoughts I know you were having let me explain further. Our best friend is a soft, fuzzy, green, and electrified blanket. With Fall in the air and Winter on the way this friend makes living bearable while the seasons change. To keep our house heated is the biggest expense of the year other than the mortgage. Every degree we can lower the level of heat in the house is money in our pocket. We haven’t even turned on the heat yet and I suspect we won’t until sometime in mid October. By delaying that long we’ll save approximately $350.00. We’re willing to wear more clothing for a few weeks during the day and to turn up the electric blanket a bit at night each night to accomplish that.
I’ve never had the luxury of living in an area of the country that has mild temperatures for most of the year. While I really love the season change and the cold and snow I occasionally envy people living in those areas. Living here is like having to lead two lives. Hot weather, time on the beach, and tourists over running the area. Shorts, T-shirts, flip flops, and sun tan and sun burn. Within a few weeks that all disappears and out come the parka’s, gloves, wool socks, and skyrocketing heating costs. We’re used to it but I feel bad for any of those southerners who may relocate here. It would be a huge shock to their systems and their wallets.
We can hope for a few more weeks of Indian Summer but that doesn’t always occur as planned. By this time next month all of us Mainer’s will have made the mental transition from Summer to Winter and will be prepared to move on down the road as usual. The next six months will be all about, snow, sleet, wind, crushed mail boxes, car accidents, and a general malaise caused by being house bound. For some of the more hardy folks it will be all about plowing snow, ice fishing, hunting, and snowmobiling. The kids as always will be throwing snowballs, building forts, snowmen, and praying for a heavy snow fall that will cancel school. Some things just never change.
After six months of Winter we’ll make the transition back to Spring and Summer with a real appreciation that most southern folks don’t have. The memory of every minute that I spend sitting in the sun on my deck and every time I walked the beach in my swim suit this summer will carry me through the winter. It’s all a big mind game that I play with myself. When I’m out in the driveway using the snow blower and dressed liked a freaking Eskimo I’m actually thinking about that warm beach and those pretty young things in their skimpy bikinis.
Don’t tell my better-half my little secret or there’ll be hell to pay for sure.
I’m standing at my kitchen window sipping on an extremely hot cup of coffee and watching my neighbors as they walk with their daughters out to the main road and the school bus that will start this new school year. Their younger daughter isn’t quite old enough for school but she’s there to see her sister off and seems very excited by the whole experience. They’re taking lots of photo’s to mark this special occasion as I’m sure they will do for many years to come.
The older daughter’s of another neighbor were seen packing their cars a few days ago and are now off to college to begin their school year. They also seemed excited to begin another year that moves them a little closer to independence and a life of their own.
For me this is the beginning-of-the-end of summer. I’m excited by the tourist season being over as I again watch them leaving the area in droves. By next week the population of many nearby coastal towns will drop almost ninety percent. Many of the beach businesses will close for the season and our lives can slowly get back to what we consider normal. My better-half and I are looking forward once again to visiting several bars and restaurants we’ve been avoiding all summer. Large crowds, high parking fees, and higher than normal prices have kept us away all summer long. It’s northing new just a normal transition we have to deal with every September. Caravans of vehicles heading north to return to Canadian soil and just as many heading south to Boston and beyond.
Our summer gardening is also coming to an end and the Fall season will be upon us in no time. We’ll visit a few local fairs and festivals and of course the big Fryeburg Fair and I’ll be getting out the snow thrower and preparing it for the coming season. I’ve lined up a few winter projects and also collected a healthy stack of books to read during the next five months. Then we’ll settle in for what will hopefully be a quiet and thoughtful Winter with just enough snow to keep things fresh and clean until Spring.
I always look forward to Winter if for no other reason than the time it offers me to read, think, and write. This blog becomes a major priority once again and I’ll finally have the proper amount of time to research things I want to write about. That the best relaxation I can think of and I ‘m looking forward to it.
This has been one helluva week. One more fact that will help you understand what I mean by that statement is I hate doctors, hospitals, blood tests, and personal examinations. I can put up with a nurse every once in while but only as potential dating material. If past history tells me anything it’s stay away from nurses. The last nurse I dated (SLEPT WITH) had a tank of nitrous oxide next to her bed and spent every other stroke huffing on it with a face mask.
This week began with my blood tests. Normally it’s just one tube of blood used to check whatever. Because of Obamacare my doctor of ten years has given up his practice and now I’m once again "fresh meat" for the "new guy". He needs four tubes of blood so he knows where I’m coming from. That’s his statement not mine. My previous doctor had a lab as part of his practice where I could easily get blood drawn but not this "new guy". I was forced to get out of bed much earlier than I like, drive forty minutes to the hospital, to stand in line behind thirty other idiots. I felt like a freaking day laborer. A young lady called me into her room, sat me down, stuck me in the arm, sucked out the blood, and walked away shouting "Next!" at the top her lungs. Nothing like personal service.
Four days later I returned to the doctors office for my annual physical. The "new guy" arrived forty minutes late as I sat in this telephone booth sized room in my hospital gown freezing my nuts off. He looks about twenty-five years old and he’s from Peru. His accent was minimal, thank God, and I could understand almost everything he had to say. One handshake and he opens his laptop and begins to take notes. My computer file covers more than twelve years, two surgeries, and four colonoscopies but he has additional questions. I felt like I was on Jeopardy and I’m sure Alex Trebek would have been more fun.
He first tells me that prostate exams are for the most part unnecessary and then bends me over the table and shoves his ever so long latex covered finger right up my ass. No dinner, no chit chat, no wine, just "wham bang, thank you man". For such a little guy he has quite the large digits.
An hour later and we’re still doing paperwork so I can have another colonoscopy in December (MY FIRST XMAS GIFT) and an introduction to my new mandatory diet. I found out in short order that going forward I’m only permitted to eat rabbit food and drink black coffee. Read the labels he tells me, no fat, no calories, no dairy, no candy, no sugar, no soda, no flavored water, and no smoothies. The translation to that line of BS is I will never be permitted to eat anything that tastes good or even has flavor of any kind ever again.
A pat on the head, a "nice to meet ya"’ and he scampers away. A nurse hands me the date for my next appointment and I’m out the door and back on the street. That hour and a half probably will cost me upwards of $500.00 including the blood work up and a hundred of that will be out of pocket. Isn’t life just freaking wonderful?
Now I get to wait six more months for another hour of quality time with the "new guy" which will probably consist of stepping onto a scale to measure my weight loss. Really, can’t I just call it in? That would then only cost $495.00.
Shoot me now!
Well, the time has come to start fresh with a new blog with a more personal approach. This journal will contain whatever I feel like writing at any given moment. I think I’ll skip posting photo’s for now and just let the words come. Since I may be the only person to ever read this blog I’d better make it meaningful or I’ll just piss myself off all over again. The narrative will be ongoing and hopefully worth reading.
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Today was “Dutiful Spouse Day” where I was permitted to travel all over the countryside with my better-half as her loyal chauffeur and chat buddy. She shops and I read a book, maybe window shop, or just people watch.
I decided that a visit to a nearby Home Depot might be fun while she does her shopping thing. I watched a seventy-five year old woman attempting to buy paint from a young lady with a body full of piercings, a red strip of hair down the middle of her head, and a voice that could curdle milk. They discussed and discussed the color match and then cussed about the eventual results. One talking with her hands and the other rolling her eyes and shrugging her shoulders. It never got too heated but it easily could have. The older woman threw the samples down and stormed away in a huff. The young Paint Department associate appeared frustrated by having to give the company required Customer Service to such a bitch. She held her temper pretty well but her facial shade of purple made it abundantly clear just how much more she had to say but didn’t.
The day drags on with no better-half in sight. I just finished another two chapters of Satanic Verses. That’s the book that caused a great deal of turmoil in it’s day with a fatwa ordered on Salman Rushdie and blah, blah, blah. I don’t really understand why it was such a big deal because it’s unlikely if more than a handful of Muslim’s ever read the damn thing. Listen to this first sentence: “To be born again, sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, “first you have to die. Ho ji! Ho ji! To land upon the bosomy earth, first one needs to fly.” It’s a tough read and I have 545 more pages to go before I shoot myself. On a extremely good day this tome would make an excellent door stop.
Why is it that not one religious piece of writing more than five hundred years old makes any sense to me. I’ve read them all and found them vague and repetitive. It’s no wonder people continue to disagree over them and try to kill each other. Give me John Grisham any day.
My better-half’s birthday is on the horizon and I’m still struggling to find one more meaningful gift. Add to that my being told today that I’m in need of a Whooping Cough immunization if I plan on spending much time around my step grandson. He’s only a week old and already exerting his control over me. I’ll just add him to the list.
We’ve now visited another three stores, I’ve downed my fourth cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee, and now I have coffee breath, a coffee headache, and a seriously distended bladder.
Things I’ve learned today:
1. Seeing skinny jeans on a woman in her fifties is just as bad as seeing them on man in his fifties.
2. If you see a huge car moving at an extremely slow speed and there’s no driver’s head visible, slow the hell down and give them room. Eighty years old and going eight miles per hour. Yikes.
3. Don’t drink four large coffee’s in four hours.
Well we’re finally at home and I’ve finished dragging bag after bag of purchases into the house. I still haven’t found that special gift for her but I’ll worry about that tomorrow or the next day.
everyuselessthing.com 