Archive for the ‘kids’ Tag
I’ve been so busy of late I decided to take today off. My only task this morning was to can another ten jars of Bread & Butter pickles. The garden is producing ridiculous numbers of cucumbers, zucchini’s, and beans, making it a little difficult to keep up.
‘Before’
‘After’
I really hope to get a little reading done over the next few days. Last weekend we visited a local fair at St. Matthews church in Limerick, ME. This is an event that we try never to miss. It’s a three day event and draws quite a crowd from southern Maine. It consists of a huge flea market where you can still find a treasure or two for a very low price. Over the years I’ve found quite a few jewels and this year was no different. I found two stainless steel stock pots in like new condition without a mark on then for $15.00. If I tried to buy them at a retail store it would have been more like $50.00.
There were crowds of people everywhere but as always the biggest crowd was in the book tent. Tens of thousands of books, sorted on tables, and being rummaged through by hundreds of people. I normally am able to buy enough books to keep me reading for most of the Winter for less than $20.00. It’s hardback books for a buck and paperbacks for $.50 each. I bought so many I had two make two trips to the car to unload the bag. I may be a big fan of the Ereader’s but at these prices I’ll take a step back to reading actual books anytime. I still like the feel of the book in my hands and turning each page manually. An Ereader is more convenient to be sure but old habits are hard to break.
‘My Winter Stash’
Another thing I look forward to are the french fries. I’ve been on a no-carb diet for almost a year but there are certain occasions that demand that I eat some greasy, salty, and crunchy fries. I pigged out and with the help of my better-half, her daughter and her husband, and the grandson, we totally destroyed a giant box of fries along with half a bottle of ketchup. It was sinfully delicious.
The grandson who is just now starting to speak spent most of his time near the tent where they sell used children’s toys. He was drawn to a hot looking plastic Camaro with flashing red lights and shiny decals. That should keep him occupied for a week or so making it an excellent investment.
They offer some minor gambling with a chuck-a-luck wheel, a greenhouse selling plants, and a host of other food booths. The odd clown or two doing face painting for the kids and a huge barbecue cooking area loaded with roasting beef and chicken. The aroma is almost overwhelming. I like all of it except for those clowns that always seem to roaming around the grounds and showing up right next to me. After all these years they still creep me out.
‘Yikes!’
The better-half, the daughter, and the grandson are leaving on a road trip tomorrow heading south to Delaware and then on to Ocean City, Maryland. They’ll be meeting up some of her family members for a few beach days and a night or two on the Boardwalk. I guess I can expect another silly baseball hat and T-shirt to add to my collection. That also means a week off from everything on my better-half’s Honey-Do list. I’ll be able to read a few books, relax on the deck with the cat, and clear my head a little.
It should be a good week for us all.
Well, another Christmas has come and gone. It’s late and the last of the family and friends have headed home. The day started early with my better-hale preparing some of her family traditions for Christmas morning. She makes a batch of cinnamon buns covered with lots of sugary icing. That and a large cup of hot coffee will definitely get your heart started. The grandson and his mom and dad arrived in late morning requiring the platter of shrimp to be unveiled and devoured. We all gathered in the living room around the tree for a time chit-chatting about this and that. It was obvious to me that everyone was just going through the motions until they could dig into the pile and open their gifts.
“The Aftermath”
As you can see an hour later and the room looked like Santa had shown up and then exploded. It took almost as long to clean up the debris as it did shopping to buy the stuff in the first place. The cat and grandson had a great time rummaging through the piles of wrapping paper and boxes seemingly more interested in that stuff than the gifts themselves. Kids!!!! Cats!!!!
Another hour has passed and everyone appears thrilled with their gifts so we snack a little more waiting for the next group to arrive. Our two visitors from northern Maine have finally arrived with tales of the previous day’s ice storm and the fact that most people up north are without electricity. It’s one of the hazards of living in Maine and those storms can be brutal. The last time we had one here we were without power for almost a week and a half. It’s difficult to sleep in a cold bed wearing a parka, gloves, and a tassel hat. It’s hard but we did it. The pictures taken during that storm are locked away where no one can seem them. We looked god awful.
After our new visitors had a beer and a few snacks the bowling tournament on the X-box began. I was able to avoid all of that because of my leg injury so I was the official photographer. Everyone had a ball with my better-half taking home the winners trophy.
Then it was my turn to cook and to fed the hoard with a decent meal. A honey-baked ham, rice, Brussels sprouts, and corn took care of everyone’s hunger pangs. It was followed later by delicious apple and pumpkin pies. Then after digesting for a while it was back to the X-box for a few rounds of darts which I also avoided by using “cleaning up the kitchen” as my excuse.
After loading up the cars they were off for the night leaving us at least two days of clean up. All in all a successful holiday gathering with a fun group of people. The better-half is scheduled for work at 5:00am and her son is flying out at 9:00am. Unfortunately none of us will be getting enough sleep tonight and we should be zombies all day tomorrow.
I hope your day was as enjoyable as ours. Merry Christmas!
I decided that continuing my Christmas theme this month is important. I spent a few minutes yesterday just reading nothing but the headlines from the Drudge Report and if that doesn’t depress you, you’re a better and stronger person than I. I’ve been reading that site for years and I have to admit it’s a real downer most of the time.
In recent days I’ve slowly been developing a little of the good old kind of Christmas spirit I had as a kid. The tree has been decorated and the lights strung and my better-half has covered every surface of every piece of furniture in the house with Santa statues and assorted Christmas knick-knacks. We’re shopping hard, wrapping presents, and preparing packages for shipment to various family members located around the country. It takes a while for me to get with the Christmas program but eventually I do.
It’s meant to be a happy time so with that in mind here’s a little Santa humor to start your day.
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It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mother if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mother told him that would be fine.
Sam went to his room and wrote, ‘Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.’
But he wasn’t very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote: ‘Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.’
He read it back and wasn’t happy with that one either. He tried a third version: ‘Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.’
He read that one too, but he still wasn’t satisfied.So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter.
‘Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you’d better send me a new bike.’
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Are you smiling? Good! Now I’ll pass along a selection of kid’s letters to Santa that should keep that smile on your face for the rest of the day. I have to admit I have no memories of writing letters to Santa as a kid but I wish I had. Being able to read them after so many years would have been great fun. Here we go.
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Dear Santa,
Please give me a doll this year. I would like her to eat, walk, do my homework, and help me clean my room.
Thank you, Jenny
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Dear Santa,
Thanks for the race car last year. Can I have another one, only this time one that is faster than my best friend’s race car?
Ricky
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Dear Father Christmas,
I wish you could leave a puzzle under the tree for me. And a toy for my sister. Then she won’t want to play with mine and I can have it to myself.
Merry Christmas, Cassie
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Dear Santa,
You can send me one of everything from the boys’ section of the Sears catalogue. But nothing from the girls’ section. I can’t wait for Christmas to come.
Kent
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Dear Pere Noel,
Could you come early this year? I’ve been really super good, but I don’t know if I can last much longer. Please hurry.
Love, Jordan
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Dear Santa,
I lost my list of toys, so please just send me the stuff that you forgot from last year.
Todd
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Dear Father Christmas,
What should I leave for your reindeer to eat? Do they like cookies, too? My mom won’t let me bring hay into the living room.
Your friend, Sandy
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Dear Santa,
I need a new skateboard for Christmas. The one I got now crashes too much. Band-aids would be OK too.
David
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Dear Santa,
Would you rather I leave you cookies and milk or pizza? Dad says you’d probably like the pizza. Write back right away to let me know.
Love, Lisa
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Dear Kris Kringle,
Please give me a tank, a jet fighter, 20 green soldiers, and a bazooka gun. I’m planning a surprise attack on my brother. So don’t tell anyone.
Thanks, Danny
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Dear Santa,
How will you get into our house this year? We don’t have a chimney and my father just installed a very expensive security system.
Julie
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Dear Santa,
Mommy says that you only bring presents for the good little boys. That isn’t fair.
Brian
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Dear Santa,
How old are you? How did you meet Mrs. Claus? Is your first name really Santa? Can I be an elf next year? Who is your favorite kid? How do you fit all those toys in your sleigh? I have more questions for later.
Your pal, Pauline
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Dear Father Christmas,
My mother told me to write to you and say thanks for the train set. My dad plays with it all the time.
Mike
I’m not sure when or where the tradition of writing these Santa letters began. The following article was released to the public in 2011 after being written in 1910. The list of items reveals the age of the letter and I’m still not totally sure what some of these items actually are.
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Hannah Howard’s Christmas letter was hidden and lost in a chimney for years. The ghost of Christmas 100 years past arrived early for a County Down, Northern Ireland man when he discovered the “Santa letter” his late mother wrote when she was a girl.
The scorched letter was dated Christmas Eve 1911 and had been up a chimney in a Dublin house for decades. Victor Bartlem’s mother, Hannah Howard, had written her Christmas wish list when she was just 10 years old.
It was first discovered in 1992 when the current house owner John Byrne installed central heating. He came upon Hannah’s letter in the chimney and decided to keep it as a memento of times past. He made it public in 2011 in the Irish Times and it was there that Victor – living more than 100 miles away in Bangor, County Down, read about it.
Here is that list written over a hundred years ago.
A baby doll.
A waterproof with a hood.
A pair of gloves and a toffee apple.
A gold penny and a silver sixpence.
A long toffee.
Hannah was born on Christmas Day 1900 and she died in 1978.
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The items requested then appear to be very basic and far less demanding than our modern day equivalents. If you have young children or grandchildren, take a few minutes and let them write a letter to Santa. Then hide them away for twenty or more years. What better gift could you give the authors than a look back to their childhoods. They’ll love it.
Today’s the day that I began my yearly chore of putting together my list of New Year’s resolutions. I realize that for most people New Year’s resolutions aren’t taken all that seriously and that over the years they’ve become something meant to be humorous. In my righteous attempt to do it seriously this year I decided to search the Net for any new ideas or tips that could help me. Amazingly, I found quite a number of websites with prewritten lists made for both children and adults. I guess they think that just printing off the list from their webpage gives some kind of credibility to people who are too lazy to take the time to do it properly. Shame on all of you who decided to take the easy way out and use one of those sites.
Here’s one of those lists suggested for younger children and you can decide just how lame it is or isn’t. Or better, would you want your kids to use this list or make up their own.
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I will do my homework in time.
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I will sleep in time.
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I will drink milk and water, and limit aerated drinks.
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I’ll never give out personal information such as my name, home address, school name or telephone number on the Internet or to strangers.
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I’ll be nice to other kids. I’ll be friendly to kids who need friends – like someone who is shy, or is new to my school.
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I will wear my seat belt every time I get in a car. I’ll sit in the back seat and use a booster seat until I am tall enough to use a lap/shoulder seat belt.
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I will apply sunscreen before I go outdoors.
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I will try to stay in the shade whenever possible and wear a hat and sunglasses, especially when I’m playing sports.
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I will try to find a sport (like basketball or soccer) or an activity (skipping rope, dancing or horse riding) that I like and do it at least three times a week!
You have to admit this list is no more than politically correct nonsense. You may be able to force your kids to accept this list as their own but their heart just wouldn’t be in it. I continued my search looking for more resolutions that applied mainly to adults and found much more of the same. Premade politically correct BS which didn’t help me at all. I then sat down at my desk and put together this list of humorous adult resolutions found at another such site.
1. This year, I’m just making one New Year’s resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.
2. I probably shouldn’t be making any new resolutions this year…mainly because I’m still working on the ones from last year.
3. This year my New Year’s resolution was to stop saying ‘Seacrest out!’ after I ejaculated.
4. I will stop peeping into my boyfriend’s female friends profile on Facebook.
Again I was disappointed. The adult resolutions while trying to be humorous were even more stupid than I’d expected. I was forced to go to the archives once more and find my posted resolutions for 2013. I was expecting no surprises because I couldn’t remember a single one of them. Here they are with the results of my efforts of which I’m truly ashamed.
1. Don’t wear sweat pants outside the confines of the house less than twice a week (demanded by my better-half). FAILED
2. Pay less than $75.00 a month at Dunkin Donuts. I failed at the $50.00 level, now I’ll just up the monthly amount and hopefully be successful. COMPLETED
3. Tell my better-half I love her at least twenty times a day (again her idea). FAILED
4. Attempt to develop a casual and platonic friendship with my weird neighbors. FAILED
5. Convince my better-half that pizza is not an official food group and refuse to eat it more than once a week. FAILED
6. Don’t call the President a stupid, effing, liberal, socialist, narcissistic A-hole more than twenty times a week. FAILED
7. Read 3 non-fiction and 3 fiction books a month. COMPLETED
8. Fire at least 1000 rounds of ammo a quarter to fine tune my shooting skills to prepare for the impending anarchism which will follow. FAILED
9. Take a vacation to some exotic and strange non-American land (like maybe Boston, New York, San Francisco, or LA). FAILED
10. Refuse to eat dog food more than three times a month to help pay for my mandated Obamacare taxes. COMPLETED
It appears that my accomplishments for 2013 were an abject failure. The fact that I couldn’t remember any of them leads me to believe that in my attempt at humor I cheapened the New Year’s resolution process. What I’m about to show you is NOT, I repeat NOT the final version of my resolutions for 2014. This is just a draft list with my initial thoughts on the matter and I’m sure some changes may be required. See what you think about these.
(Draft Only)
1. Start washing my hands after I use the restroom or just stop peeing on my hands.
2. Stop licking almost everything (well almost everything).
3. Never eat yellow snow or brown asparagus (for you lovey).
4. Spend less than $1000.00 for coffee at Dunkin Donuts this year.
5. Claim my pet as a dependent on my tax return.
6. Start smoking to lose weight.
7. Watch less T.V…. in standard definition.
8. Buy larger clothes.
9. Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while driving near crosswalks.
10. Stop buttering my doughnuts.
Well there you have it, my first thoughts on the subject for 2014. I certainly need to give it a little more thought as you can see. If you really think about it though, it just makes good sense to have fewer resolutions every year. It helps to keep you from disappointing yourself too much and you’ll then feel less guilty about how little willpower you really have. Hopefully I’ll have my final version completed prior to New Year’s Eve which will give me one more thing to celebrate.
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This disclaimer is for those of you who are militant believers in all of these syndromes. This posting is being written as humor with just a hint of the truth. If you have no sense of humor then stop reading now because this will almost certainly anger you. If you chose to continue please keep your caustic comments to yourself, they won’t be posted.
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These days it seems like everyone regardless of age or gender is suffering a syndrome of one kind or another. This permits them to be stupid, annoying, and in general a huge pain in the ass without consequences. If your child is undisciplined and does pretty much what they please without any obvious parental control, they suffer from ADS. Load them with a few drugs to maintain control in the classrooms and everything will be just fine.
Then they can grow into an annoying and undisciplined adult and be diagnosed with AADS. More drugs and again less responsibility for bad behavior.
We have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and if that’s not good enough we also have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Both children and adults can now claim any of these disorders hoping for more drugs and less responsibility for their questionable rude behavior.
Were you also aware of the cottage industry that has blossomed for those poor and suffering souls afflicted with one or many of these disorders. The first thing you should do is become an official member of CHADD. This description was taken directly from their web-site.
Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), is a national non-profit, tax-exempt (Section 501(c)(3)) organization providing education, advocacy and support for individuals with ADHD. In addition to our informative website, CHADD also publishes a variety of printed materials to keep members and professionals current on research advances, medications, and treatments affecting individuals with ADHD. These materials include Attention magazine and a free electronically mailed informational newsletter, as well as other publications of specific interest to educators, professionals, adults with ADHD, and parents.
As you can see it’s becoming an official part of our laundry list of disorders. Pick the one that fits best, talk with a friendly doctor and make the diagnosis official. Then present it to the school or your employer and expect special treatment from the entire world for the rest of your life.
Why should I be left out? Here’s a new disorder that I recently discovered quite by accident and I suspect there are millions of other sufferers nationwide that need to be told what’s wrong with them. My new disorder is called AAADD or Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it works…
I decide to do my laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I’m going to do the laundry…
BUT FIRST I’m going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack….
BUT FIRST I’ll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook?
Oops.. there’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I’m going to look for that checkbook…
BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.
I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What’s it doing here? I’ll just put it away…
BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and…Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants…
BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.
END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control… And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because…I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!
I realize this condition is serious…I’d get help… BUT FIRST…I think I’ll check my e-mail.
I need to quickly recruit a few hundred individuals interested in forming a non-profit organization to help spread the word to the world about this terrible albeit understandable age related problem. How about we start the ASS-ASS organization, American Society of Silly - Aged Seniors Sufferers
Join up with ASS–ASS immediately all of you poor suffering and aging old bastards.
REPRESENT ! ! !
As I’ve mentioned previously my better-half’s daughter is a Math teacher in one of our local Middle Schools. I love listening to her war stories when we get together because I envy her at times. Nothing is more important than education and the interaction with the students is what I consider a major perk. Unfortunately some students take a little longer to get their act together as you will see in the following short essays. All errors in spelling and grammar remain as they were written. They will make you smile.
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The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
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The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinnesss, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother’s son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
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Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
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Without the Greeks we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns – Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
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Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
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In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
They made me laugh a little and took me to a whole new level of respect for teachers. Molding these youngsters into intelligent and thoughtful human beings is quite the challenge and I’m just glad there are people out there who’ve been called to the teaching profession. Just amazing.
And last but not least I’d like to acknowledge and thank my newest followers. I encourage you to visit their sites and to enjoy their efforts as I do. Thanks again.
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likedandsharedthis
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Tanner Hawryluk
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I’m big on noticing things no matter where I am or what else I may seem to be doing. I pay attention to what I see and also to what I hear. Within the last few years I’ve noticed a trend I’d like to talk about. Is it me or are the youngest of our generations indiscriminately using the word “love” or the phrase “I love you” too much. It seems that way to me.
In my younger days my generation was more likely to say “I like you.” than “I love you.” Using those famous “three little words” was a serious matter. The word “love” wasn’t cast about to just anyone. Maybe these newer generations have overused the word “like” until it no longer has any real meaning to them. “Like me on Twitter”, “Like me on Facebook”, OMG, stop the madness. The only word they have left to convey feelings is “love” and they are using and abusing it much as they’ve done with “like”. We as a society seem to be wearing out our language. Can anyone out there suggest a new word we can all use in explaining our feelings for someone that isn’t “like or love”? I can’t.
I’m bothered by the term "I love you." I never worried about it as a kid because it was against the rules in our house to admit loving anyone or anything. It wasn’t until I turned twelve that it became an issue for the first time for me. I fell into a state of hormonal excitement and arousal that was almost more than I could handle. In those days if a girl even walked by me quickly, the breeze from her passing could and did cause the occasional embarrassing erection (the good old days).
Around that time I slow danced for the first time with a girl at a local pool hall where we spent our lunch breaks. There were no parents around to tell us to "leave space for the Holy Spirit" between our bodies and we didn’t. That was back in the day of bras that later motivated Madonna to slut it up with her torpedo boobs. I can still hear the song that was playing, Sixteen Candles, and can still feel those hard and pointy boobs pressing against my neck. You see, she was a bit taller than I (lucky me). I was in love or so I thought and it was really really good. I’d finally found the promised land and now that I was there I had no idea what to do next. So began my endless journey to find more true love and maybe just maybe understand it.
Saying “I love you” is the proverbial double edged sword. In order to convince a young lady to permit the occasional touching of her breasts or the touching of other more important things, you had to say those magic words. If you made the mistake of saying "the words" based on your testosterone enhanced mental state, you were truly screwed and not in a good way. It was an informal commitment made in the heat of the moment that was damn difficult to recover from. The physical rewards were out-weighed by all of the time and effort spent in trying to untangle yourself from someone whose attraction lessened with each touch of her private parts.
As any man will confirm, our youth was a continuous stream of such encounters which eventually made the term "I love you" a real no-no. If you were lucky enough to escape any incidents of accidental pregnancy you moved on into young adulthood with an even bigger fear of saying “the words”.
The next stage of development into those dreaded teenage years was to actually find yourself involved sexually with someone who was a tremendous bed partner but lacked in other areas. If you said “the words” after a few months of constantly screwing her then you opened yourself up for even more problems. The casual hints, the accidental walking by of a jewelry store and noticing all the beautiful engagement rings. Danger . . . Danger!!! One fatal step closer to the dreaded "M" word, marriage. Again saying “the words” remained a huge negative but if you avoided the accidental pregnancy issue, it still might take you months to finally escape her clutches.
Move ahead a few more years and many things have again changed. Saying ‘the words” had not. Now the women are older, their biological clocks are ticking, and the fear of never finding that illusive soul-mate is driving them to take desperate measures. Then they start casually throwing the “L” words around in an attempt to entrap you when you answer in kind during a heated sexual encounter. Danger . . . Danger! Keeping your mouth shut should be your first line of protection. Be sure to use latex protection during your sexual explorations because there are certain women out there who could or would consider becoming pregnant just to reach their fairy tale ending.
Move ahead a few more years and you’re newly divorced but lucky enough to have no children to muck up the situation. “The words” again come into play as you wander far and wide through an endless number of single mom’s, divorced mom’s, and the occasional married woman looking for any action she can find. Relationships are a minefield you must must tiptoe through, it’s a dangerous game and not for the faint of heart.
We’ve come a long way from that first dance I mentioned but “the words” still don’t come easily. Now you find yourself headed for a possible second marriage where someone else’s children are included and possibly a few of your own from your first marriage. Your new marriage requires that at a minimum you use “the words” during your occasional sexual encounters. You’re finally in a place where you should be saying “the words” on a regular basis but they’re still difficult to put out there.
So what are my conclusions? I think that the battering most of us take as we grow up, have relationships, get married, and have children takes it’s toll on us emotionally. The fact that we continue to seek that “love” says a lot for our perseverance and our desire to have someone truly love us back. All of the younger generations who throw the “L” word around so easily will find out very quickly how important it really is. Getting your heart broken a few times will then teach them to speak carefully about love and maybe just “liking” someone is the way to go.
As I’ve stated many times in the past I just love talking to kids. The only thing you can be absolutely sure of in those conversations is receiving unedited answers which are what they perceive to be the truth. They are almost always funny and and direct, an ability that most adults have lost due to decades of political correct indoctrination. I try to enjoy conversing with kids before they age enough to become guarded, jaded, and uninteresting, much like their parents.
I’ve posted before with kid’s thoughts on Christmas, Love and Marriage, and other subjects. The information contained in this post was collected by a first grade teacher who took a collection of well-known proverbs and split them into two parts. Each child in her class was supplied with the first half of a proverb, and then asked to complete it. Their insight as always makes me smile. Here we go.
Better to be safe than . . . . Punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the . . . . Bug is close.
It’s always darkest before . . . . Daylight Savings Time.
Never underestimate the power of . . . . Termites.
You can lead a horse to water but . . . . how?
Don’t bite the hand that . . . . looks dirty.
No news is . . . . impossible.
A miss is as good as a . . . . Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new . . . . math.
If you lie down with dogs, you . . . . stink in the morning.
Love all, trust . . . . me.
The pen is mightier than the . . . . pigs.
An idle mind is . . . . the best way to relax.
Where there’s smoke there’s . . . . Pollution.
Happy the bride who . . . . gets all the presents.
A penny saved is . . . . not much.
Two’s company, three’s . . . . the Musketeers.
Don’t put off till tomorrow what . . . . you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and . . . . you have to blow your nose.
None are so blind as . . . . Helen Keller.
Children should be seen and not . . . . spanked or grounded.
If at first you don’t succeed . . . . get new batteries.
You get out of something what you . . . . see pictured on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind . . . . get out of the way.
It’s unfortunate that almost all of us lose the ability to be frank and honest as we age. I spent a career trying to be frank and honest and I paid a heavy price for it at times. I consistently attempted to follow my late father’s #1 rule. It’s nothing from the Bible or any other religious organization, just a plain and simple statement to help set the course for my life. ‘”ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING, REGARDLESS OF THE CONSEQUENCES”. It’s not an easy thing to do because most people claim to want honesty from everyone until they get it, then it can get ugly. Kids are pure and uncontaminated by the ugliness of the human condition and it does the heart good for those of us already contaminated to remember those days.
How often do you stop and think about when you were a kid? Does it make you sometimes wish you could be that kid again? Good questions and I’m sure I know the answers. Of course we’ve all taken that trip back to a simpler way of life where there was little or no stress and no overwhelming problems. Our biggest worries then were who to play with and for how long.
Art Linkletter made a fortune with “Kids Say the Darndest Things” because kids really do say the darndest things. They blurt out the truth without thinking about consequences or hurt feelings. Sometimes they’re blunt, sometimes cute, and always funny. I’ve collected the following blurbs during my travels on the Net to help make my point even more interesting.
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While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that’s right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?
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A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I’m just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!"
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It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What’d he do?"
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While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
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While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. .and unto the Soonnn. …..and into the hole he gooooes."
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I can’t get enough of these types of stories. There’s nothing better for me than to have the time to sit with a youngster and just have a normal conversation about anything. The way their mind works and how they express their ideas and observations is the absolute best.
We are a week or two away from celebrating our grandson’s first birthday and this week he began walking for the first time. I’m glad about that but he won’t be a real person to me until I can hear him speak his mind. He’ll probably be speaking within a few months and I can’t wait to hear what he has to say. As I watch him now as he observes the world around him, I can almost see him thinking. After more than a year of observing all of us he’s sure to have plenty of questions and opinions. I can’t wait to hear them.
I like many others have been married and divorced. It’s truly a painful process but with just about fifty percent of marriages doomed to failure it’s an experience millions of people must deal with. Unfortunately the collateral damage from a divorce extends to the children. It’s difficult to find many children who aren’t touched by divorce in some fashion or another these days.
As sympathetic as I am to their plight, I actually think that keeping a marriage together for the children is a mistake. Having them be a witness to the down and dirty fighting between their parents and then further manipulation by both parents for custody rights is the worst. Those kind of scars last a lifetime.
Kids are much more resilient than adults think and can adapt to changing circumstances fairly quickly. The following children were asked to speak on the subject of marriage. As always kids speak their mind in a clear and concise manner regardless of the subject.
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How do you decide who to marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. – Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. – Kirsten, age 10
What is the best age to marry?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. – Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. – Freddie, age 6
How can you tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. – Derrick, age 8
What do your Mom and Dad have in common?
Both don’t want any more kids. – Lori, age 8
What do people do on dates?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. – Linette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. – Martin, age 10
What would you do on a bad first date?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. – Craig, age 9
When is it OK to kiss someone?
When they’re rich. – Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
– Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. – Howard, age 8
Is it better to be single?
I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out. – Theodore, age 8
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. – Anita, age 9
How would the world be different if there was no marriages?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? – Kelvin, age 8
How would you make your marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. – Rick, age 10
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It’s always refreshing for me to read essays, stories, and remarks made by the kids. They’re able to cut through the BS and answer questions based on their bits and pieces of limited knowledge. It gives me hope for the future.
‘Before’
everyuselessthing.com 