I’m a bit of a history lover but that usually involves old history like the Romans, Egyptians, and the Greeks. Today I thought I’d go into the past back to 1940. That’s well before my time and I’m pretty sure there aren’t many people left who were born in 1940. I’m also sure you’ve heard many people say it was always better back in “the good old days.”, so let’s find out.
The top three radio shows of 1940 were The Adventures of Ellery Queen, Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy, and Fibber McGee and Molly. I wonder if they were appreciated by their audience as much as some of the TV shows are today.
1940 was also the first and only year for the production of the Mercury 8, a new model car. Also available was the Chevrolet Special Deluxe Sport Sedan, the new Ford V-8, and the Buick Super Model 51 Four-Door Sedan.
It was the year of the World’s Fair held at Flushing Meadows-Corona Park in New York and was the largest world’s fair at that time.
Because of the war there were shortages of many things but one of the first new items to return to the stores was a new product, nylon stockings. They went on sale for the first time on May 15, 1940.
The 1940 college football season ended with the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers being named the national champions and Stanford in second place. The Heisman Trophy winner was Michigan halfback Tom Harmon. In the National Football League, the Chicago Bears defeated the Washington Redskins 73-0 in one of the most one-sided games in professional football history.
Here some facts and figures of 1940. The president of the United States was Franklin D. Roosevelt, and the vice president was John Nance Garner. The population of the United States was 132,122,000, and the average salary for a full-time employee was $1200. per year. The minimum wage per hour was $.30.
On May 15, 1940, the first McDonald’s restaurant is opened in San Bernardino, California by brothers Dick and Mac McDonald.
On January 31, 1940, Ida M. Fuller became the first American citizen to receive a Social Security check. Her first check was for $22.54.
On January 17, 1940, Eleanor Roosevelt publicly endorsed birth control in a statement that she was not against the “planning of children”.
Now let’s get down to the important stuff. Here are the average costs for many of their everyday foodstuffs and we can only wish to have these prices back again. A loaf of bread was $.08, a pound of bacon was $.27, a dozen eggs was $.33, a gallon of milk was $.26, 1 pound of coffee was $.21, gasoline was $.11 per gallon, postage stamps were .03, the average car cost was $990.00, and a single-family home averaged just $2938.00.
I thought I’d start the weekend off with a little humor. Seeing as how there are only 106 shopping days until Christmas, you should start smiling as soon as possible in preparation.
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A farm girl brought a bull to a pasture in order that it might service the cow there. The farm boy in charge of the cow joined her and they watched the process. After a while, the farm boy turned to the farm girl and said, “That just makes me itch to do the same thing. How about it?” And the farm girl said indifferently, “Go ahead. It’s your cow.”
The nuclear war had come and gone. Earth lay devastated and nearly lifeless. In a puddle of water were two tiny bacteria. One said the other, “All over again – but this time, no brains.”
I once saw a cartoon which that showed two people staring at each other. One was a little man in a loin cloth, looking like Mahatma Gandhi. The other was a stalwart man with a full feathered headdress looking like Sitting Bull. Both are speaking simultaneously, and the caption reads: “Funny but you don’t look Indian.”
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There was an old fellow named Paul
Whose prick was exceedingly small.
When in bed with a lay
He could screw her all day
Without touching the vaginal wall.
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“Well,” said Mrs. Jones to her young daughter, “and what did you learn in Sunday School today?” “We learned,” said little Nancy, “about Moses.” “Ah,” said her mother, “and what did you learn about Moses?” Nancy said, “Well he was a general leading an army on a retreat from Egypt. The Egyptians, in hot pursuit, had the weight of tanks on their side, and Moses, taking casualties, was forced back upon the Red Sea, where he faced annihilation. Calling for air support, however, he proceeded to throw a pontoon bridge hastily across —” By this time Mr. Jones had finally managed to catch her breath and said, “Nancy! Surely that is not what they taught you about Moses.” “Well not exactly,” said Nancy, “but if I told it to you the way the teacher told it to me, you’d never believe it.”
Here’s a collection of really stupid headlines I rediscovered recently in my files. It still amazes me how much stuff I forgot I was saving for a rainy day. The more I dig around the more I seem to find. You can thank all of our many educated and skilled editors for their fine jobs in editing these gems.
Amphibious Pitcher Makes Debut
Forecasters Call for Weather on Monday
War Dims Hope for Peace
Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling of Isolation
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Statistics Show Teen Pregnancy Drops Off After Age 25
“Lady Jacks” Off to Hot Start in Their Conference
Utah Poison Control Center Reminds Everyone Not to Take Poison
City Unsure Why Sewers Smell
17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree
Safety Meeting Ends in Accident
Best Man Left Bleeding After Being Hit by Flying Dildo
Since everyone should be well rested after their Labor Day festivities, I thought I’d reintroduce a Sex Quiz from an unusual joke book published in 1984. It’s a bit difficult but I’m sure all of you will be able to deduce the correct answers (True or False). It’s funny and ridiculous but then so were the 1980’s. Here we go . . . .
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A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
A fallopian tube is a part inside a television.
A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
Fellatio is an Italian dagger.
Anus is a Latin word denoting a long period of time.
Cunnilingus is a person who can speak four languages.
A condom is an apartment complex.
Masturbate is something used to catch large fish.
A wet dream is dangerous if you sleep under an electric blanket.
A vulva is a Swedish automobile.
A vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble.
A clitoris is a type of flower.
KOTEX is a radio station in Dallas, Texas.
Testicles can be found on an octopus.
A rectum is what you are for doing this test. LOL
For those of you who were stumped by the quiz I’ll add a short joke to make you feel better about yourself. If you don’t understand the joke, call a friend.
John was a seventy-seven-year-old man and decided it was time for one last final fling. So, he went out and hired himself a buxom and luscious prostitute for a last night of pleasure. It was a spectacular and pleasurable night, and he slept like a log upon returning home. Three weeks later he felt a growing pressure and pain in his groin and immediately rushed back to the doctor’s office, insisting on an immediate consultation. The doctor examined him thoroughly, then asked a rather personal question. “Have you been with a woman anytime recently?” John smiled proudly and confessed the truth. “Well, said the doctor, you’d better go find her right away, ’cause you’re about to come!”
Everyone looks forward to eventual retirement. As I grew older, I thought I’d planned well but as always, there were problems. Here are a few paragraphs on how I made the transition from employed to retired. A distasteful divorce ruined my initial plans forcing me to start all over from scratch at age fifty. I wasn’t all that concerned because I never thought I’d live long enough to see retirement, but again I was wrong. The “best laid” plans never remain “best laid”. Once I passed the AARP senior citizen mark, I began to realize that I might just make it to retirement, so I’d better get off my ass and get busy, and I did.
I was able to untangle myself from my final job and walked away retired at sixty-two. For almost thirty-eight years my jobs required that I talk to an endless number of people. I was an interviewer, interrogator, investigator, and manager and a rough estimate would be approximately sixteen to eighteen thousand interviews and interrogations. I was sick to death of talking to anyone and promised myself to keep my social life (on-line and off) to an absolute minimum, and I did and still do.
On my first official day of retirement, I poured myself a large glass of champagne, went into my closet and began retiring most of my clothes into a pile in the living room slated for delivery to Goodwill. The first items that went into that pile were every suit I owned but one, every dress shirt I owned but two, and all of my thirty ties, twenty pairs of black socks, sport coats, all pairs of dress shoes but one, and seventeen pairs of dress pants. Anything remotely related to any employer I ever worked for were immediately discarded. My post-retirement wardrobe now currently consists of fifty assorted-t-shirts, ten pairs of jeans, eight pairs of sneakers, ten pairs of sweatpants, and assorted jackets and hoodies. I made it clear to my family that I only wanted outrageous rock group t-shirts for gifts, and they did me proud. I also had earlier upgraded my computer with an external hard drive and stashed away twenty years of information that went into storage for safe keeping. That first night I finished the remainder of the champagne, crawled into bed, performed a stretched out “X” with my body, and breathed the largest sigh of relief you could possibly imagine. I had finally reached the unreachable promised land.
You will all approach retirement differently and I wish you luck. Admittedly my way was a little over-the-top but that’s pretty much how I lived my life so why change now. My computer connects me to the world and my blogging began in 2007 and remains my preferred contact with all of the other humans on this planet.
Since we’re well into the middle of August already, I feel like I’m on another planet. These changes in the weather patterns are just too weird to try and explain. I’ve lived in Maine almost 24 years and I’ve never seen or experienced summer weather that would require using an electric blanket in July. It’s hard at times to celebrate a summer that we haven’t had yet but I’m sure next year will be just as effing great. With that depressing thought in mind, I feel the need to inject a little humor back into our lives. You’re welcome to come along for the ride if you like.
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There was a man who had insomnia so bad he couldn’t even fall asleep when it was time to wake up.
It was an enormous funeral that was winding its way through the streets of the town, and, in every way, no signs of sorrow had been seen. A bystander, who had been away from the neighborhood for a while, nudged a neighbor. “Who died?” he whispered. “Big Angelo’s girlfriend, said the other.” Big Angelo’s girlfriend? But she was so young! What did she die of?” “Gonorrhea!” “Gonorrhea! But that’s impossible. No one dies of gonorrhea.” “You do when you give it to Big Angelo.”
I sat next to the Duchess at Tea.
It was just as I feared it would be.
Her rumblings abdominal
Were truly phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me.
A man and a woman met on the beach, they fell in love with each other at first glance, and after three days, were married. The wedding night was just as successful as it could be, but when the woman awoke the following morning, she found her husband dressing. She asked, “Where are you going?” “Darling, we married so quickly I didn’t have a chance to tell you I’m addicted to golf. I’m afraid you’ll rarely see me. She nodded and said, “That’s all right, we married so quickly I forgot to tell you I’m a hooker.” The man smiled and said, “That’s nothing darling. Don’t worry about that because it’s easily corrected. You just need to hold the club like this . . . . “
Chemists are known for synthesizing some marvelous chemicals. There is the story that one synthesized an aphrodisiac for men that was so powerful it had to be swallowed very quickly to avoid getting a stiff neck.
And last but not least a short but interesting story about a visitor to the home of Pablo Picasso. The visitor remarked there were no Picasso’s on the walls. “Don’t you like Picasso paintings?” asked the visitor roguishly.” “Of course, I do,” said Picasso. “I just can’t afford them.”
Well, as I said in the past so many times it’s a gray and rainy and crappy day here in Maine. The state is overrun with tourists from Canada and from Massachusetts zero making any kind of trip even to just shop is a pain. Least touristy summer days totally destroy what sense of humor I normally have, and I need something to make me smile at least. So, with that in mind about some jokes.
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The terrible tempered Mr. Anderson, having missed an easy putt, shouted, “Oh Fuck!” A young lady in the party said, “You needn’t use such vile language. “Anderson stared at her angrily and said, “Oh, come on. I’m sure you’ve heard that word many times before. “I have, said the young lady, but never in anger.”
A woman who was having a one-night stand with the man she had casually picked up said rather contemptuously, “You have a very small organ.” To which the man immediately replied, “It merely seems small because it has been asked to play in a cathedral.”
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway”, he said. “Actually,” said his guide, it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.” The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?” “Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.”
“Worry is the first time you find you can’t do it the second time; panic is the second time you find you can’t do it the first time.”
There was a young woman named Sally
Who loved an occasional dally.
She sat on the lap
of a well-endowed chap,
And said, “Ooh, you’re right up my alley.”
A woman said proudly, “Before I married my husband, I told him quite frankly of the various different love affairs I had had. I did not want to marry under false pretenses. “What honesty,” said one of those who was listening to her. “And what courage,” said another. “And what a memory,” said a third.
As you should be aware I have quite the collection of weird facts I’ve collected over many years and from many sources. As I was cleaning up my old desk top computer yesterday, I found this list of strange and odd facts that hasn’t seen the light of day since 2006. So, let’s take a walk down a very old memory lane.
A Crocodiles tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth.
A group of larks is called an exaltation.
A kangaroo can’t jump unless its tail is touching the ground.
A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away.
A man had the hiccups for 69 years.
A mole can dig over 250 feet of tunnel in a single night.
A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
A noisy restaurant is 100,000 times as loud as a watch ticking, a rock Concert is 1,000,000,000 times as loud. and a shotgun blast 1,000,000,000,000 times as loud.
A person at rest generates as much heat as a 100watt light bulb.
A group of owls is called a parliament.
About 300 million cells die in your body every minute.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove.
A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water.
A group of ravens is called a murder.
A shark can grow a new set of teeth in a week
A snail can have about 25,000 teeth.
A group of toads is called a knot.
About 3,500 gallons if water is needed to produce one pound of beef.
I am a lover of all things strange and odd. Over the years I’ve collected oddities and facts as well as weird little stories. Here are a couple you might enjoy.
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#1
Once upon a time in a land far far away called Boston, Massachusetts some weirdness was afoot. There was a gentleman by the name of James Ball who had a weird and morbid fear of being buried alive. In his mausoleum constructed in Boston’s Mount Auburn Cemetery, he arranged for a telephone to be installed in his crypt.
In time, Mr. Ball died. His widow, accompanied by a great crowd of relatives, friends and business associates, followed Mr. Balls body to the grand limestone tomb.
Just after dark that same night his wife was passing through a sitting room and heard the telephone ring. A maid passing outside the room heard Mrs. Ball say, “Hello?” and then she heard a bloodcurdling scream. She rushed into the room to find Mrs. Ball with a look of horror on her face clutching the telephone. The line was dead, and so was Mrs. Ball. She died of a massive coronary, but the identity of the caller remains a mystery to this day. On the day of the funeral, when the crypt was unsealed, the crowd saw that the lid of Mr. Balls casket was open, and the telephone was off the hook.
#2
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Once upon a time there was a dog lover, a husband who took his Labrador retriever on a 4 mile walk a couple of times a week after dinner. One day he came down with a bad case of the flu, so it fell to his wife to walk the dog.
After supper, she clicked on the dog’s leash, and they headed out the door. She wanted to go to large open lot at the end of the street, but the dog tugged at the leash and all but dragged her around the block to a house on the corner. The dog pulled the poor woman up the stairs and began scratching furiously at the door. The wife scolded the dog and was trying to pull away when she heard a sweet female voice inside the house call out, “You’re a little early tonight, darling! Wait just a minute.”
The next moment, the door swung wide open and there stood a pretty and buxom young woman in a sexy negligée holding a large bone in her hand.” This should keep the dog happy while we’re – Uh-oh!”
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Well, there you have it. Avoid crypts, telephones in crypts, and properly train your dog not to eat big bones from strangers.
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