It’s just another weird and wonderful week here in Maine. So far, we’ve had a snowstorm, then an earthquake, then a windstorm, then some rain, and a dose of black ice for good measure. It’s no wonder I hate to leave the house. Today’s post is yet another visit through the “limericktime tunnel“. These limericks were probably compiled sometime in the mid 1970’s and then published in the early 1980’s. I love looking back to search for a few interesting and funny gems that need to be redistributed to the newer generations. Enjoy!
This will be a fun post but not if you’re a germophobe. I can deal with just about anything, but these items still have the ability to make my skin crawl just a little. If I had to sit around and obsess about bacteria and mites infesting my body like my better-half does, I would lose my mind. Hang onto whatever you like to hang onto, this ride might get a little bumpy.
Itchiness in humans is contagious. Watching someone else itch makes your brain think it’s experiencing an itch, even when it’s not.
The average bed is home to 10,000,000 dust mites.
It goes without saying that every day you inhale thousands of you own skin flakes since you lose approximately 40,000 flakes per minute.
Your skin contains billions of individual bacteria.
The most common bacteria found in your belly button is of the same species that make your feet smell.
There are mites that live in your hair follicles, eyelashes, and eyebrows. They walk around on your skin at night before returning to their hair follicles during the day.
Tapeworms inside humans have been measured as long as 20 feet.
Fungi thrive on the protein keratin found in hair, nails, and skin.
Men and women fart approximately the same amount each day, a half-liter of gas a day.
Did you know that defecaloesiophobia is the fear of painful bowel movements.
(Did you know?)
FART IS ONE OF THE OLDEST WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Another freezing cold day here in Maine. I don’t feel as bad about it as I normally do because I can spend my day watching videos of the folks down south enjoying the snow with their families. My favorite so far came out of south Louisiana where the roads had been closed to car traffic. One genius soul braved the snow squalls and rode down the main street of his town on a swamp air boat. Too cool for school! Today’s quiz will be about artists, a favorite topic of mine. Answers will be listed below.
The “Gibson Girl” made famous by artist Charles Dana Gibson, was what woman?
Fulton, Missouri, has a thirty-two-foot sculpture titled “Breakthrough“. What cold war relic does it commemorate?
If you wanted to see a lot of paintings of dogs, what midwestern city would you visit?
What famous female painter started painting because her fingers had become too stiff for embroidering?
What great artist signed his pictures with a sketch of a butterfly?
What great French sculptor’s works are featured in a Philadelphia Museum?
Grant Woods famous painting, American Gothic shows a farm couple, with the man holding a pitchfork. What relation are the man and woman?
What huge outdoor sculpture was created by Gutzon Borglum?
What president’s much visited statue in D.C. was sculpted by Daniel Chester French?
Californias most famous cemetery has several large reproductions of famous religious paintings. What is the cemetery?
Answers
Gibsons wife, The Berlin Wall, St. Louis’s Dog Museum, Grandma Moses, James Whistler, Rodin famous for “The Thinker“, Father and Daughter, Mount Rushmore, The Lincoln Memorial, Forest Lawn in Glendale.
I’m not much of a celebrity lover. I’ve been able to live a great life without knowing about their tattoos, their favorite foods, or when they lost their virginities. I’ve met a few over the years and wasn’t all that impressed because they’re just folks like the rest of us. As I was recently going through a few books I found information about some celebrities that really brought it home just how down-to-earth they really are. As a child I was bullied for two years by a fat neanderthal with an IQ of ten who outweighed me by at least 60 pounds. It made my life miserable for a time until I grew eight inches taller, put on an additional thirty-five pounds, and then got even. I feel for anyone who has been put in that position, including celebrities. Here’s a list of some famous folks and the nicknames they were forced to deal with.
Kate Moss – Mosschops, Kate Winslet – Blubber, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos – Jolly Blond Giant, Victoria Beckham – Acne Face, Geri Halliwell – Pancake (flat chested), Elle Macpherson – Smelly Elly, Jeff Goldblum – Bubwires (braces), Justin Timberlake – Brillo Pad, Robert DiNiro – Bobby Milk, Nicole Kidman – Stalky, Gisele Bundchen – Oli (short for Olive Oyl), Britany Spears – Boo Boo,
Some of the celebrity nicknames were mild and a few others were just plain mean. We’ve all had to deal with nicknames as we grew up. I dealt with the name Crazy Legs for a year or two and then Hazelnut after that. My all-time favorite and longest-lasting nickname was of course, Smart Ass, which seemed to be every one’s favorite. It was last used as recently as yesterday and has over the years become a badge of honor for me.
Today’s post won’t mean much to you Millennials, Gen Z-er’s, Gen X-er’s, or whatever other ridiculous name is currently in fashion. These days everyone is required to have a stupid label but let me assure you here and now that my generation was limited to only two labels/pronouns, Him and Her. I know that’s going to cause a great deal of confusion for all of you WOKE youngsters out there, but I don’t really care.
I’m now considered to be an “old fart” whose opinions and thoughts are out-of-date and no longer relevant to this modern era. I’m not the least bit insulted by that and actually take it as a true left-handed compliment of sorts. I hope all of you “labelled” individuals out there are able to read the following lists without voicing your unimportant opinions in a disrespectful manner. Be patient because it’s a long list but well worth reading.
Close your eyes… and go back…
Before the Internet, before semiautomatic pistols and crack and Mac-10’s.
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo or X-Box.
Way back…
Red light, Green light, 1 2 3.
Chocolate milk, lunch tickets, penny candy in a brown paper bag.
Hopscotch, butterscotch, double Dutch, jacks, kickball, and dodge ball.
Mother May I? Hula Hoops and Sunflower Seeds, jawbreakers, blow pops, Mary Janes.
The smell of the sun and lickin’ salty lips.
Wait, there’s more. . .
Catchin’ lightening bugs in a jar, playin slingshot and Red Rover.
When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere.
Climbing trees.
Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, sittin’ on the curb, jumpin’ down the steps,
Jumpin’ on the bed, pillow fights.
Being tickled to death, runnin’ till you were out of breath.
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt.
Playing catch with your best friend for hours or until your arm hurt.
I’m not quite finished just yet…
Licking the beaters when your mother made a cake.
Getting hundreds of kisses from a gang of puppies.
When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for “gym.”
When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.
When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.
When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done, every day.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free. And you didn’t pay for air, and you got trading stamps to boot!
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought anything of it.
Don’t stop reading yet…
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed…and did!
When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn’t because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Disapproval of our parents and grandparents was a much bigger threat!
Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.”
“Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in “Monopoly.”
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
Kids only received trophies when they actually won something.
Almost finished, be patient…
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb.
It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn’t an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the “big people” rides at the amusement park.
Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.”
Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute ads for action figures.
“Oly-oly-oxen-free” made perfect sense.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was just a card game.
Running naked through the sprinklers on a hot day.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Being something of an internet rat I’ve been watching a host of websites recently. The ones I’d like to discuss today are the endless groups of young and attractive millennial women who spend most of their time whining about men. They claim men are no longer interested in marrying them which is sad but once you hear what they have to say you’ll have the answer as to why. They want a tall, handsome man who earns at least a $100,000.00 a year, has a nice car, and who will spend his entire existence kissing their asses. When asked what they bring to the table the most frequent answer is “he’s getting me”. They offer nothing that would convince any man to put his entire life at risk. Since statistics reveal that most marriage breakups are initiated by the women, I say “why are they so surprised?” These women have had at least three generations of feminists telling them that men are worthless and untrustworthy. It seems they’re looking for a free ride and offer very little in return. As everyone knows, a pretty face and nice body will only get you so far. With all of that being said, here are a number of quotes from a few feminists who spewed their propaganda for decades and now these millennial women are paying the price.
“Women are oppressed as women, Blacks as Blacks, Jews as Jews. But men are never oppressed.” Marilyn Frye
Man inflicts injury upon woman, unspeakable injury in placing her intellectual and moral nature in the background, and woman injures herself by submitting to be regarded only as a female.” Abby H. Price
“I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid” Dorothy Parker
“Sometimes I think if there was a third sex men wouldn’t get so much as a glance from me.” Amanda Vail
“Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry” Gloria Steinem
“When he is late for dinner, and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the street. I always hope he’s dead.” Judith Viorst
There is, of course, no reason for the existence of the male sex except that one sometimes needs help moving the piano. Rebecca West”
“Most women set out to try and change a man, and when they have changed him, they do not like him.” Marlene Dietrich
“Men are monopolists of “stars, garters, buttons and other shining baubles” – unfit to be the guardians of another person’s happiness.” Maryanne Moore
“All men are rapists and that’s all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.” Marilyn French
Now that the new year has begun and the obligatory resolutions have been posted, I thought it would be nice to return to one of the mainstays of this blog, LIMERICKS! I have a large and varied collection but today I’ll be reaching way back to 1979 for some inspiration. I hope you enjoy them.
How about a few strange trivia facts. After all this blog isn’t called Every-Useless-Thing for nothing. Here’s a small collection of useless things for your enjoyment.
One pound of peanut butter can contain up to 150 bug fragments and 5 rodent hairs.
Roughly 100 people die every year from choking on ball-point pens.
Some scientists view love in terms of addiction. One study discovered that monogamous pairing is based in the same region of the brain as drug addiction.
Studies show that 87 percent of people fear getting trapped in dull conversations at dinner parties.
A retired teacher in California once admitted that he taught for 17 years without knowing how to read or write.
There is a real neurological disorder called Alien Hand Syndrome (AHS). It causes the sufferer’s hands to move independently, without control of the action.
The acid in your stomach is so powerful that it can dissolve a razor blade in less than a week.
You can find 20 million microscopic animals living on a square inch of human skin.
More than 90 percent of women have asymmetrical breasts.
On any given day, approximately 400 million people across the globe will have sexual intercourse, which means that about 4,000 people are probably having sex right now.
Well, it’s 2025 and I’m off to a good start. I’ve completed my New Year’s resolutions and thrown a little poetry your way. Not too bad for the first week of a new year. Since it’s freezing cold here in Maine and I’m stuck in the house and becoming a little disgruntled with this winter weather, I thought some morbid historical celebrity trivia was needed. Here ‘s the quiz . . .
What colonial patriot, author and inventor is buried at Christ Church in Philadelphia? Ben Franklin
What twentieth century president was born, raised, and buried in Hyde Park, NY? FDR
What famous pioneer and scout has his home and grave located in Taos, New Mexico? Christopher “Kit” Carson
What much loved western comedian’s home, birthplace, and grave can be visited in Claremore, Oklahoma? Will Rogers
Samuel Wilson’s grave is in Troy, NY. What U.S. symbol was he the original of? Uncle Sam
What is unusual about the large bust of Abraham Lincoln located near his grave? His bronze nose is very shiny because so many visitors rub it for luck.
What nickname for an Iowan resident honors the Sauk Indian chief Black Hawk? Hawkeye
What notable achievement of Thomas Jefferson’s life did he not mention when he created his own tombstone? President of the United States
Who is buried in Grants Tomb in Manhattan? Mrs. U.S. Grant and her husband.
I was really disappointed with my terrible showing on the 2024 New Years resolutions. Barring any unforeseen catastrophes I hope to do much better in 2025. I admit that my bout of laziness during those warm summer months didn’t help. I just had too many distractions!
*** HERE THEY ARE FOR 2025***
Read at least 100 books by years end(more if possible).
Complete at least four illustrations for use as gifts for next Christmas.
Complete one sculpture using a technique I haven’t used before.
Show more patience to my better-half’s retirement adjustments.
Attempt to write some serious poetry that’s worth reading.
Continued monitoring of the grandsons for new and exciting cuss words. (Minimum of 1)
Continue to ignore all of the weird and bizzare health tips from the Internet. (This one is too easy.)
I plan on being more serious about completing the resolutions this year. I’ve always set goals for myself for most of my life with a great deal of success. This will be a lot more fun because the only person looking over my shoulder these days will be ME!
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