Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
I went to bed last night with expectations of a light snow fall and awoke this morning with almost five inches of the white stuff clogging my driveway. And a special thanks goes out to the Saco snowplow driver for missing my mailbox and then filling my driveway with eight inches of snow. So instead of a quiet morning lounging in bed I was forced to brave the cold and snow to clear the damn driveway. How could my better-half possibly survive if she couldn’t get out to shop sometime today?
This was my morning wake up call.
The snow made for interesting pictures as it stuck to each and every tree branch we could see. I snapped a few photos with my point-and-shoot camera but by the time I got around to getting my Nikon ready the snow was already dropping from the trees. Here are a few substandard pics to give you some idea of what I’m talking about.
The rest of the day was spent running errands and generally just screwing around. She enjoyed her day off and I enjoyed getting out of the house for a while. More snow in the forecast for the weekend so we’ve got to enjoy the time out when we can.
I’m sorry for the short post but other responsibilities need tending to. More to follow soon.
What a strange few weeks it’s been once again. Another weather related fiasco to thoroughly screw up our anticipated cold and snowy winter. First we had warm weather through most of November and December, then two weeks of really cold weather with an 8 inch snowfall, and finally three and a half inches of rain this week This photo was taken yesterday as our backyard quickly filled up with more than three and a half feet of water on top of the snow.
I should be thanking my lucky stars that this rainstorm was not snow. If it had been there’d be more than three feet of snow to deal with. I guess just this once I can be happy with the weather forecasters being correct. This morning I jumped out of bed and looked out the window to check the water level and this is what I saw.
All of the snow from the last storm had been thoroughly washed away but the snow that had been underwater through the night remained intact. It really doesn’t mean much but I thought it was kind of interesting.
With all of this rain I’m once again stuck in the house where I’m trying to keep busy with projects. Most of the Christmas paraphernalia has been sorted through, repackaged into containers, and returned to the attic for another year. Fortunately my better-half was able to fill quite a few boxes with items either damaged or out of date. Each year we’re slowly but surely weeding out the useless stuff giving her more room to store more new useless stuff. It’s what I call her “Circle of Life".
I began sorting through my Christmas gifts which were all pretty cool but yesterday I found some that were outstanding. Two of our friends who love making homemade foods like we do gave us some of their samples. We received four jars with some truly interesting flavors. I’m always preaching about doing things outside-the-box and they did it in a big way. There was Hot Tamale Apple Wedges, Orange/Blueberry jam, Strawberry Vanilla jam, and best of all for me Zucchini/Habanero jam.
I love all things hot and have experimented a few times in making jams with some elevated heat levels. My best efforts couldn’t come close to matching up to that Zucchini/Habanero jam. I ate 1/3 of the jar on two toasted English muffins and it was the best damn hot jam I’ve ever eaten. Our friends have definitely motivated me to try again and I will. I’ll certainly need something to give them next Christmas and I want it to be as good as I can make it.
What do you do when you’re bored? Everyone seems to have a few ways of dealing with boredom and so do I. When I’m bored it’s usually being bored with the people around me and occasionally with life in general. Over the years I’ve had a very low tolerance for boring people up until the time I finally became one.
It’s only January seventh and I’m already going a little crazy being stuck in the house for most of the day. I read a quotation once upon a time and it’s stuck with me over the years. I’m not sure who the author of the quote was but I still find it pertinent all these years later. “Everyone is a bore to someone. That is unimportant. The thing to avoid is being a bore to oneself.”
Help Me! I beginning to find myself really effing boring. I plan every year to have a sufficient number of chores and projects to help me through these long winter months. My biggest problem this year is I’m not the least bit motivated to do anything. The situation started becoming a real problem this week which forced me into taking immediate action yesterday.
The one thing that always helps me to get my mind right is to cook something. I made a quick trip to the supermarket and picked up all of the necessary ingredients and spent one evening watching Netflix and dicing jalapeno peppers, Serrano peppers, and habanero peppers. Then dicing piles of red and white onions, sweet bell peppers, parsley, and cilantro. Yesterday was to be the first Salsa Day for 2016.
‘First prepare the jars and lids.’
I started by adding all of the ingredients together and allowing them to cook slowly. Then the hard work began as I seasoned and tasted, seasoned and tasted, and using a variety of hot peppers set the level of heat I was looking for. I wanted this batch to be as hot as possible but not so hot that people couldn’t eat it. It took a while but I was pleased with the results.
I also love the flavor of beans and use some combinations of them in many dishes. Since the salsa I was making is Roasted Corn & Black Bean I needed a way to add bean flavor without having the salsa look like a three-bean salad. I took three varieties of beans and pureed them into a heavy slurry. I slowly poured the slurry into the pot and hoped for the best. I also hoped that slurry would thicken the consistency of the salsa as it cooked. I really didn’t want to use tomato paste because the flavor is almost too strong.
After all was said and done here is the result. Thirteen quarts of Roasted Corn & Black Bean salsa that’s hot enough to make your head sweat and bring tears to your eyes. Just the way I like it.
My boredom disappeared almost immediately and one thing is for certain. The flavor of this salsa is as far away from boring as you can get.
Bring on the chips it’s time to eat.
Here’s your first dose of totally useless information (Trivia) for 2016. I can only assume many of you readers will be spending some time this year in your tavern of choice and many of you will attempt to participate in some sort of Trivia challenge or bar bet. Since it’s obvious to me from some of the emails and comments I receive that many of you drink regularly you will probably need these factoids to help you out a little. This information is my New Year’s gift to you so let’s get started with a few items about the Internet.
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The time spent deleting spam emails costs U.S. Businesses approximately $10 billion annually.
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The highest publicly reported amount paid for a domain name is $7.5 million in stock options, to buy business.com.
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Thirty-five billion emails are sent each day throughout the world.
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Thirty-two percent of all singles think they will meet their mate online.
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The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.
Now for a few more interesting facts concerning our new beat friends . . . our cell phones.
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More than fifty percent of the people on the earth have never made or received a telephone call.
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Approximately 1,314 phone calls are misplaced by telecom services every minute.
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There are 150,000,000 cell phones in use in the United States, more than one for every two human beings in the country.
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As much as eighty percent of microwaves from cell phones are said to be absorbed by your head.
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A Belgian couple were married by short message service (SMS) because text messaging played such a big part in their relationship.
Now for what you’ve all been waiting for. A few tidbits of information on our ever so interesting and at times nasty bodily functions.
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The average heart beats 2.5 billion times in a lifetime. The heart beats about 100,000 times each day.
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The body gives off enough heat in thirty minutes to bring a gallon of water to a boil.
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A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
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A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands. There are about one trillion bacteria on each foot.
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During a kiss, as many as 278 bacteria colonies are exchanged.
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The body loses half a liter of water a day through breathing.
This was just the first of many trivia postings you can expect this year. I think it’s time for this blog to start living up to it’s name. You can’t have too much useless information in your life and I’m here to guarantee that you get yours.
With the holidays, the warm weather, and the snow storm behind us it’s time to move along into 2016. I was pleasantly surprised this morning when all of a sudden the clouds parted and the sun came out to play. It’s still as cold as hell but having that sunshine makes all the difference in the world.
It was time for my better-half and me to get our butts out of the house for a few hours. We ran a few errands, did a little food shopping, and of course took a few pictures. Winter pictures tend to be lackluster unless you have a monster storm of some sort. We decided to take a cruise around the adjacent neighborhoods to check things out. As you can see in this picture even some of the horses weren’t too happy with the cold which required getting their coats out of storage.
They all seemed glad to be out of the barn for a few hours and were pretty frisky. This good looking fellow wanted to visit with me with the hopes that I had an apple, carrot, or sugar cube in my pocket. Unfortunately for him I had nothing with me. In the future I’ll be carrying a few things in the car so as not to disappoint our four legged friends again.
‘Where’s my snack, Jack?’
It felt good to get out into the fresh air for a while but we returned home to this scene near the house. I’ve been showing you photo’s of my garden all summer and it’s only fair to show you how sad it looks right now.
‘Now’
‘Then’
I think I just succeeded in depressing myself all over again. Oh well, just five more months of winter (OMG) and things will be green and growing again. It’s going to be a very long, long, long, five months. Now I do need a drink.
What better way to start off the new year than to update and revise my list of the one hundred things I love. Everything changes over time and the Things I Love list has evolved as well.
As I reviewed my original list of the one hundred Things I Love, it became painfully obvious that it no longer was accurate and badly needed updating. Initially I did the list with my tongue firmly lodged in my cheek but this newly revised list has been shortened to include only the 60 most important things as they are currently. Here goes nothing.
THINGS I LOVE (Revised)
1. My better-half.
2. Licking the hairs at the base of her spine.
3. Truth.
4. People watching.
5. Learning how anything is made.
6. Seeing her naked.
7. Sex in the morning.
8. Movies that make me laugh.
9. Making people laugh.
10. Painting.
11. Small breasts.
12. Kissing her.
13. Computers.
14. Reading anything.
15. Being naked in the morning.
16. Real coffee.
17. Photography.
18. Oldies.
19. My Cat.
20. Science fiction.
‘Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge!’
21. Science.
22. Creating anything.
23. Star Wars.
24. Juicy fantasies.
25. Orgasm’s anytime.
26. Hard work.
27. Hating politicians.
28. The ocean.
29. Watching her lips on me.
30. Honesty.
‘It’s always good to know and follow the rules. Here they are.’
31. Sex in the evening.
32. Movies that make me cry.
33. Medium breasts.
34. BJ’s in the morning.
35. Snow.
36. Wine.
37. Hiking in the woods.
38. Skinny dipping.
39. Eating anything while naked.
40. Long sloppy, tongue-sucking kisses.
‘Oh Baby!’
41. Voyeurism.
42. Chocolate.
43. Being naked in the afternoon.
44. Large breasts.
45. BJ’s in the afternoon.
46. Sex at night.
47. Movies that make me hot.
48. Girl watching.
49. Building anything.
50. Pretty feet.
‘All she needs now is some blood red polish.’
51. Computers.
52. Holding hands.
53. Watching her sleep.
54. Being naked at night.
55. Accomplishing anything.
56. Huge breasts.
57. Squirting.
58. BJ’s at night.
59. Masturbation, alone or with a friend.
60. Snoodling with her.
Well that should get 2016 started in a proper fashion. I have a few other lists that need to be updated and I’ll be getting to them soon.
HAPPY 2016
I was just getting readjusted to my so-called normal life after the Christmas insanity ended and was really hoping for some quiet downtime. Oh how stupid I must be. It just never seems to work out the way I plan. All of the unseasonably warm weather abruptly ended yesterday with a beautiful yet annoying snow storm.
Yesterday was spent getting up close and personal with my snowblower once again. The final snow amounts have yet to be determined since it’s still snowing but my better-half shoveled at least five inches off the deck last night so the total will be a bit more than that.
Today will be spent looking out the window while our last holiday visitor tries to make travel arrangements to get out of here. It appears he’ll be taking a short bus ride to Boston, staying there for a day, and then a flight back to Los Angeles. I have a feeling he’ll be really happy about getting back to the surf and sun of California.
We’re planning on a reasonably quiet night for our New Years celebration with Chinese takeout and hopefully a movie or two. I’m sure my better-half is already having day dreams of watching all of the vacuous celebrities strutting their stuff in New York. Watching the ball drop with her is for me is much like getting a root canal without anesthesia. I’m hoping she’ll come to her senses but I’ve been hoping for that for years and I’m still waiting.
So I’ll just sit around today waiting for the snow to get deep enough to require me to fire up the snowblower. I suppose the remainder of the day can be spent reading, painting, or possibly even napping. Since the house is still filled with every kind of cake, cookie, and candy you can possibly think of, I need to stay busy and away from all the junk food.
Enjoy your New Year’s celebration but be smart about it. Don’t drink and drive. Find a boring sober friend and give him your keys.
HAPPY 2016
P.S. Good news! We made it through the first snow storm without the snowplow operators destroying our mailbox. Maybe that’s a sign from God or just dumb luck.
‘Before’
‘After’
I’m exhausted. This morning I’m feeling exceptionally lazy and with little or no effort I could stay in bed all day. This is truly the downside to Christmas if there is one.
Yesterday’s celebration took a lot of thought and planning from both my better-half and me. It was worth every minute we spent preparing. Everyone had a great time, received an abundance of gifts, and ate until they couldn’t eat on more thing.
It all began with what I’m sure will become an ongoing Christmas tradition. Everyone received a goody bag and in the top of each bag was a can of Silly String. It took just a few seconds for the adults to open the cans and let the strings fly. The grandkids weren’t familiar with Silly String and were pretty much covered with it before they could get their cans opened. It was the perfect way to set the tone for the day even though the cleanup took a little longer than we thought.
Two hours later the room was filled with torn tissue papers, ribbons, empty boxes, and a lot of laughter. As you can see Christmas is a messy proposition if done properly.
‘I think there’s a kid under there somewhere.’
Then it was into the kitchen to complete the food preparations and to get that big fat bird ready to eat. The meal went without a hitch and we all left the table fat, dumb, and extremely happy. As we vegged out in the living room it was time for viewing everyone’s favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Vacation. Since almost everyone in the family has the best lines memorized we could have turned off the sound . . . but we didn’t. Then began the continuous stream of funny and sarcastic comments about the movie which were endless.
I was one of the first to call it a day but my better-half wasn’t far behind. It was a great day for everyone concerned and I’m sure they all slept as soundly as we did.
I hope your holiday was as enjoyable as ours. Now it’s on to New Years with all of it’s silliness.
Hey! . . . someone! . . . where’s my coffee?
With just three shopping days left the better-half and I decided we needed to get out of the house and have a good meal at one of our favorite spots. She was jonesing for some smoking hot chicken wings and our first holiday visitor arrived as well and he needed to relax a little after his trip. There was only one place we could think of that fit the bill.
We made our way to the Great Lost Bear, located in Portland Maine. If you like good food, a giant selection of beer on tap, and a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere this is the place. It’s a dark and cozy bar/restaurant with a really diverse group of customers. Since I’m not much of a beer drinker a decided to try something new and interesting for my beverage selection. I received a extra tall glass of Woodchuck Cherry Cider. I know one thing for certain, I’ll be drinking a lot more of that stuff in the future. It was semi-sweet, fruity, with an alcohol content of approximately 5.4%. It was awesome.
‘How do you pick just one?’
We all arrived with huge appetites and proceeded to chow down. I tried something new called the Barbecue Hot Mess. It’s layered in a Mason jar with Mac & Cheese on the bottom, then baked beans, then pulled pork w/sauce, then cole slaw, and finally topped with a big fat jalapeno popper. I was lucky to get this picture because I could barely control myself. I made short work of the whole mess and it was just incredible.
It was a miserable night weather-wise but the food and drink made up for it. Just as we were leaving the bar the rain which had been pouring down for hours stopped. The late shopping crowds appeared to out in great numbers regardless causing the traffic to be much heavier than normal.
For those of you who live in and around the many metro areas in this country that are constantly clogged with traffic you need to understand what I’m saying. In Maine traffic congestion is considered to be a line of twenty cars during rush hour. Really heavy traffic requires a line of forty cars. One of the biggest adjustments I had to make after moving to Maine was the lack of traffic. I came from Boston where I spent at least an hour a day sitting on Rt. 128. In Maine I’d have to travel fifteen miles to even find a small traffic jam. Do I miss Massachusetts . . . that would be a big Hell No!
We still have a few Christmas items left to wrap and more food preparations to complete for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners but really that’s just part of the fun. My better-half who claims to love being surprised is chomping at the bit to see her gifts but this pleasant torture is something that I look forward to every year. I drop lots of meaningless hints which mean absolutely nothing and it just drives her crazy.
1 SHOPPING DAY LEFT
‘Is this weird enough for you?’
Three days to go. Three more days of retail madness in a sea of questionable citizens. As I’ve stated a number of times recently this may be the weirdest Christmas I’ve ever had. Overly warm weather, no snow, no sleet, no slush, no SNIRT (Snow + Dirt), and all of that having a strange effect on the population including me.
Observation #1 – As I drive around through the surrounding countryside all I’ve been seeing are snowmobiles and snow blowers parked in the grass along the roads with For Sale signs on them. All of our more determined snow bunnies are now being forced to travel into the White Mountains in nearby New Hampshire if they want to frolic in the white stuff. We have none.
Observation #2 – One of the major priorities in Maine is preparation for Winter by purchasing sufficient amounts of heating oil, wood or other fuels well in advance of Christmas. Heating oil costs over the last few years have fluctuated between $2.75 per gallon to $3.45 per gal. It’s currently hovering just below the two dollar mark and dropping. Hooray for us and our bank accounts. This kind of weirdness I can learn to love. It’s one of the reasons I’m sitting here in my man-cave this morning waiting the arrival of an oil delivery truck. When the price drops like this it’s time to fill up the tank.
‘Ho, Ho, Ho, who wouldn’t go!’
Observation #3 – The warm weather has people here a bit confused and acting strangely. The better-half dragged me along on another one of her shopping forays to Walmart recently. We all know Walmart is known for some truly off-the-wall folks that can be seen there on any given day. This week I saw at least ten people in shorts, T-shirts, and strutting their stuff in flip-flops. It was 35 degrees for God’s sake.
‘Goats love going for a spin.’
Observation #4 – I’ve saved the best for last. I’ve been telling the world about Maine and Mainers for years and at times I gotten the feeling they think I might be exaggerating. This blurb may just prove my point once and for all.
‘They love feeling the wind in their hair.’
Yesterday morning I was looking out my picture window with a hot cup of coffee in my hand. I was watching the early morning traffic speeding by when I saw a truck approaching in the distance. It was one of those huge Suburban pickup trucks all clean and shiny. As it passed by I saw what I thought was a dog hanging out of the passenger side window like they love to do. As it got closer I started laughing to show my appreciation for Maine once again. It wasn’t a dog at all but a big brown goat. Sitting right next to the driver and enjoying the ride. Only two things could have improved that moment. The first would have been to have my camera ready and to have snapped that picture. The second would have been if that damn goat had been wearing a Santa hat.
‘Nothing as romantic as a man and his goat.’
One Mainer + One Pickup Truck + One Happy Goat = One Weird Christmas
3 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
