Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

01/11/2022 Gotta Luv Satire   Leave a comment

Wikipedia defines satire as a genre of the visual, literary, and performing arts, usually in the form of fiction and less frequently non-fiction, in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, often with the intent of shaming or exposing the perceived flaws of individuals, corporations, governments, or society itself into improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be humorous, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit to draw attention to both particular and wider issues in our society.

All that being said, I love satire and consider it as another arm of sarcasm. The Onion is currently a website dedicated to ridiculing just about everything. It sports ridiculous stories and headlines that make you want to die laughing. The history of The Onion goes back to 1900 which makes the book I just obtained all the more interesting. I now have a huge photo selection of front pages of The Onion dating from January 1, 1900, to January 1, 2000. What better way for a lover of history like myself to chronicle our country, but with satirical headlines from The Onion.

I’ll be starting with the edition dated January 1, 1900. It’s the start of a new century and the headlines are crazy funny and thick with satire.

A NEW CENTURY DAWNS

MCKINLEY USHERS IN BOLD NEW COAL AGE

NATIONS SKIES FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL, BLACK SMOKE

OUR NATIONS FORESTS MUST BE MINED FOR COAL

WILL MAN-MADE GRIME REACH THE VAULTS OF HEAVEN?

DEATH BY CORSET RATES STABILIZE AT ONE IN SIX

GROWING USE OF DR. SCHEIDT’S PATENTED SAFETY CORSET

AFRICAN SAVAGES TAUGHT WAYS OF CHRIST BY KINDLY BRITISH

BRITISH MISSIONARIES ARE SPREADING CHRISTIAN WISDOM

VATICAN CONDEMNS ‘RHYTHM METHOD’

RELEASES PAPAL EDICT OUTLINING FORBIDDEN FAMILTY PRACTICES

ITALIANS IN ATTENDENCE VOW TO PEOPLE THE PLANET

I’m reasonably sure that the powers-that-be at the time were thrilled with these satirical headlines. Who doesn’t love the freedom of the press and their ability to make politicians and governments in general wet themselves? Thanks goes out to The Onion for making the information available for me to play with.

MORE TO COME

🖊Stupid Headline🖊   Leave a comment

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

♻Quote of the Week♻   Leave a comment

“Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy

and wealthy and dead.”

James Thurber 1940

🚗Bumper Sticker🚗   Leave a comment

Instant Asshole, Just Add Alcohol.

💥Stupid Headline💥   Leave a comment

War Dims Hope for Peace

01/08/2022 More PC Nonsense   2 comments

I’m about to do something I don’t normally do. That is to distribute information received from what might be considered a disgruntled and unhappy reader. A while ago I received an e-mail from this reader accusing me of being a neoconservative Neanderthal because he disagreed with me on some of my comments concerning political correctness running amok. I can’t argue the Neanderthal crack, but I’m no neoconservative, nor am I an independent, Republican or Democrat. I’m just a regular guy who believes in the spirit of fairness and freedom of speech. With that in mind here’s the list he emailed me (tongue-in-cheek, I hope) of politically correct terminology I should be using. If he truly used any of these nonsensical terms, he is no doubt a friendless New Age moron. Oh, sorry if I’m being too harsh. What can you expect from an effing Neanderthal? Here they are, I hope you enjoy them as much as I didn’t.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MAN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

  • He does not have a BEER GUT – he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
  • He is not a BAD DANCER – he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
  • He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
  • He is not BALDING – he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
  • He is not a CRADLE ROBBER – he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
  • He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK – he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
  • He does not ACT LIKE A TOTAL ASS – he develops a case of RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION.
  • He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG – he has SWINE EMPATHY.
  • He is not AFRAID OF COMMITTMENT – he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

  • She is not a BABE OR A CHICK – she is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
  • She is not a SCREAMER OR MOANER – she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
  • She is not EASY – she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
  • She is not DUMB – she is ON A DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
  • She has not BEEN AROUND – she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
  • She is not an AIRHEAD – she is REALITY IMPAIRED.
  • She does not get DRUNK OR TIPSY – she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
  • She is not HORNY – she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
  • She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – she is PHYSICALLY ENHANCED.
  • She does not NAG YOU – she becomes OVERLY REPETITIVE.
  • She is not a SLUT – she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
  • She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS – she is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
  • She is not a TWO BIT WHORE – she is a LOW-COST PROVIDER.

Well, there you have it. A collection of foolish politically correct nonsense from a A-hole Millennial before he knew he was one. Hard to believe he actually spent time compiling this crap although he probably just got it from one of his Millennial buddies. Standing up for free speech can sometimes get you stuck doing something like this. I do apologize.

So Do Idiotic Morons.

ALL HAIL THE FIRST AMENDMENT

🍆Limerick Alert🍆   7 comments

While undressing a nurse named JV,

Her seducer observed: “So I see

That a nipple a day

Keeps the doctor away,

Think how healthy these two must be!”

♻Quotation of the Week♻   Leave a comment

“The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.” – Hubert Humphrey 1965

⚡Stupid Headline⚡   Leave a comment

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

⚡Stupid Headline⚡   Leave a comment

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

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