Do you consider yourself a truthful person? As a young person I thought I was always truthful but as I aged, I discovered just how wrong I was. There have been many times that I used exaggeration to make a point clearer and more interesting but in fact that is actually being somewhat untruthful. I think I can safely say that everyone at one time or another plays fast and loose with the truth for any number of reasons. Here is a collection of comments and quotations about the truth that make a great deal of sense.
“The trouble with stretching the truth is that it’s apt to snap back.” Anonymous
“Truth is such a rare thing; it is delightful to tell it.” Emily Dickinson
“The man who speaks the truth is always at ease.” Persian Proverb
“If you speak the truth have a foot in the stirrup.” Turkish Proverb
“Truth is the anvil which has worn out many a hammer.” Anonymous
“Everyone loves the truth, but not everyone tells it.” Yiddish Proverb
“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.” Winston Churchill
“Craft must have clothes, but truth lives to go naked.” Thomas Fuller
“Truth is heavy; few therefore can bear it.” Hebrew Proverb
“Seldom any splendid story is wholly true.” Anonymous
And finally, a quote from one of my favorite people: Mark Twain
“When in doubt, tell the truth.“
And here’s one of my own:
“Always tell the truth and do the right thing regardless of the consequences.”
This is a perfect day for a truck load of silliness. First let’s look over some truly stupid and published newspaper headlines.
CHILD’S STOOL GREAT FOR USE IN THE GARDEN
SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN
DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON
ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX
MAN RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN DIES
Next are a few actual classified ads that made me smile.
😁😁😁
Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer – $300.00
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.
Man wanted to work in explosive factory. Must be willing to travel.
Quotes and Malaprops from actual high school and college exams on the subject of Music Appreciation
😜😜😜
The principal singer of nineteenth-century opera was called the pre-Madonna.
Agnes Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.
Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed.
And finally, a serious quote from a serious Playboy playmate, Barbie Benton.
(Not PETA Approved)
“I believe that minks are raised to be turned into fur coats and if we didn’t wear fur coats, those little animals would never have been born. So is it better not to have been born, or to have lived for one or two years to have been turned into a fur coat. I don’t know.”
Another freezing cold day here in Maine. I don’t feel as bad about it as I normally do because I can spend my day watching videos of the folks down south enjoying the snow with their families. My favorite so far came out of south Louisiana where the roads had been closed to car traffic. One genius soul braved the snow squalls and rode down the main street of his town on a swamp air boat. Too cool for school! Today’s quiz will be about artists, a favorite topic of mine. Answers will be listed below.
The “Gibson Girl” made famous by artist Charles Dana Gibson, was what woman?
Fulton, Missouri, has a thirty-two-foot sculpture titled “Breakthrough“. What cold war relic does it commemorate?
If you wanted to see a lot of paintings of dogs, what midwestern city would you visit?
What famous female painter started painting because her fingers had become too stiff for embroidering?
What great artist signed his pictures with a sketch of a butterfly?
What great French sculptor’s works are featured in a Philadelphia Museum?
Grant Woods famous painting, American Gothic shows a farm couple, with the man holding a pitchfork. What relation are the man and woman?
What huge outdoor sculpture was created by Gutzon Borglum?
What president’s much visited statue in D.C. was sculpted by Daniel Chester French?
Californias most famous cemetery has several large reproductions of famous religious paintings. What is the cemetery?
Answers
Gibsons wife, The Berlin Wall, St. Louis’s Dog Museum, Grandma Moses, James Whistler, Rodin famous for “The Thinker“, Father and Daughter, Mount Rushmore, The Lincoln Memorial, Forest Lawn in Glendale.
Today’s post won’t mean much to you Millennials, Gen Z-er’s, Gen X-er’s, or whatever other ridiculous name is currently in fashion. These days everyone is required to have a stupid label but let me assure you here and now that my generation was limited to only two labels/pronouns, Him and Her. I know that’s going to cause a great deal of confusion for all of you WOKE youngsters out there, but I don’t really care.
I’m now considered to be an “old fart” whose opinions and thoughts are out-of-date and no longer relevant to this modern era. I’m not the least bit insulted by that and actually take it as a true left-handed compliment of sorts. I hope all of you “labelled” individuals out there are able to read the following lists without voicing your unimportant opinions in a disrespectful manner. Be patient because it’s a long list but well worth reading.
Close your eyes… and go back…
Before the Internet, before semiautomatic pistols and crack and Mac-10’s.
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo or X-Box.
Way back…
Red light, Green light, 1 2 3.
Chocolate milk, lunch tickets, penny candy in a brown paper bag.
Hopscotch, butterscotch, double Dutch, jacks, kickball, and dodge ball.
Mother May I? Hula Hoops and Sunflower Seeds, jawbreakers, blow pops, Mary Janes.
The smell of the sun and lickin’ salty lips.
Wait, there’s more. . .
Catchin’ lightening bugs in a jar, playin slingshot and Red Rover.
When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere.
Climbing trees.
Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, sittin’ on the curb, jumpin’ down the steps,
Jumpin’ on the bed, pillow fights.
Being tickled to death, runnin’ till you were out of breath.
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt.
Playing catch with your best friend for hours or until your arm hurt.
I’m not quite finished just yet…
Licking the beaters when your mother made a cake.
Getting hundreds of kisses from a gang of puppies.
When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for “gym.”
When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.
When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.
When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done, every day.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free. And you didn’t pay for air, and you got trading stamps to boot!
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought anything of it.
Don’t stop reading yet…
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed…and did!
When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn’t because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Disapproval of our parents and grandparents was a much bigger threat!
Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.”
“Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in “Monopoly.”
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
Kids only received trophies when they actually won something.
Almost finished, be patient…
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb.
It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn’t an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the “big people” rides at the amusement park.
Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.”
Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute ads for action figures.
“Oly-oly-oxen-free” made perfect sense.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was just a card game.
Running naked through the sprinklers on a hot day.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Being something of an internet rat I’ve been watching a host of websites recently. The ones I’d like to discuss today are the endless groups of young and attractive millennial women who spend most of their time whining about men. They claim men are no longer interested in marrying them which is sad but once you hear what they have to say you’ll have the answer as to why. They want a tall, handsome man who earns at least a $100,000.00 a year, has a nice car, and who will spend his entire existence kissing their asses. When asked what they bring to the table the most frequent answer is “he’s getting me”. They offer nothing that would convince any man to put his entire life at risk. Since statistics reveal that most marriage breakups are initiated by the women, I say “why are they so surprised?” These women have had at least three generations of feminists telling them that men are worthless and untrustworthy. It seems they’re looking for a free ride and offer very little in return. As everyone knows, a pretty face and nice body will only get you so far. With all of that being said, here are a number of quotes from a few feminists who spewed their propaganda for decades and now these millennial women are paying the price.
“Women are oppressed as women, Blacks as Blacks, Jews as Jews. But men are never oppressed.” Marilyn Frye
Man inflicts injury upon woman, unspeakable injury in placing her intellectual and moral nature in the background, and woman injures herself by submitting to be regarded only as a female.” Abby H. Price
“I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid” Dorothy Parker
“Sometimes I think if there was a third sex men wouldn’t get so much as a glance from me.” Amanda Vail
“Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry” Gloria Steinem
“When he is late for dinner, and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the street. I always hope he’s dead.” Judith Viorst
There is, of course, no reason for the existence of the male sex except that one sometimes needs help moving the piano. Rebecca West”
“Most women set out to try and change a man, and when they have changed him, they do not like him.” Marlene Dietrich
“Men are monopolists of “stars, garters, buttons and other shining baubles” – unfit to be the guardians of another person’s happiness.” Maryanne Moore
“All men are rapists and that’s all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.” Marilyn French
Now that the new year has begun and the obligatory resolutions have been posted, I thought it would be nice to return to one of the mainstays of this blog, LIMERICKS! I have a large and varied collection but today I’ll be reaching way back to 1979 for some inspiration. I hope you enjoy them.
I was really disappointed with my terrible showing on the 2024 New Years resolutions. Barring any unforeseen catastrophes I hope to do much better in 2025. I admit that my bout of laziness during those warm summer months didn’t help. I just had too many distractions!
*** HERE THEY ARE FOR 2025***
Read at least 100 books by years end(more if possible).
Complete at least four illustrations for use as gifts for next Christmas.
Complete one sculpture using a technique I haven’t used before.
Show more patience to my better-half’s retirement adjustments.
Attempt to write some serious poetry that’s worth reading.
Continued monitoring of the grandsons for new and exciting cuss words. (Minimum of 1)
Continue to ignore all of the weird and bizzare health tips from the Internet. (This one is too easy.)
I plan on being more serious about completing the resolutions this year. I’ve always set goals for myself for most of my life with a great deal of success. This will be a lot more fun because the only person looking over my shoulder these days will be ME!
There are times that self-reflection can be a dangerous and disappointing endeavor. As you get older you will tend to spend a great deal of time reviewing your life. If you’re a truthful person (at least to yourself) you may discover a number of things that aren’t all that wonderful. I thought for most of my life that I was quite the romantic. I was never going to be a Don Juan, but I thought I was able to hold my own in that department. I’ve finally came to the realization that I may have been mistaken. After all my years of reading, writing, and talking with thousands of people, it finally became clear that I was somewhat lacking in that area. Today’s post is a short collection of poetry by some well-known people whose romantic writings put mine to shame.
By Franz Kafka, “From A Letter to Milena Jesenska”
I am just walking around here between
the line (of my letter), under the light
of your eyes, in the breath of your
mouth as in a beautiful happy day.
❤️❤️❤️
By Lorrie Moore, 1957
Need: Something to lift you from your boots
out into the sky, something to make you like
little things again, to whirl around the
curves of your ears and muss up your hair
and call you every day.
❤️❤️❤️
By Elizabeth Jennings, 1916, from “Absence”.
It was because the place was just the same
that made your absence seem a savage force.
For under all the gentleness there came
an earthquake tremor: fountains, birds
and grass were shaken by my thinking
of your name.
❤️❤️❤️
By Ralph Waldo Emerson, from “Thine Eyes Still Shined.”
Earlier this year in September I posted an update of my New Years resolutions. I only listed five items this year rather than my normal ten because I’m old, lazy, and distracted by damn near everything. Here is my final tally for 2024. I have to say it’s a little disappointing. See what you think.
READ MORE THAN 100 BOOKS
This is a big “INCOMPLETE”. After checking with Kindle and my home library I missed my target by two books. I’m currently reading book number 99, but I won’t get it finished until sometime in January (it’s a large tome).
TRY TO BE A LITTLE FRIENDLIER TOWARDS THE REST OF THE WORLD
This was the hardest one for me. I’m claiming a big “COMPLETE” because I feel I discovered a simple solution on how be friendlier to the rest of the world. I’ll just limit my contact only with people who I like and those that like me back. That has vastly improved my “niceness” profile because the people who dislike me never get to hear from me.
KEEP DUNKIN’ EXPENDITURES TO LESS THAN $40.00 A MONTH
I claim a big “COMPLETE” on this one. Fortunately for my wallet, my better-half retired this year. I’ve been freed from those constant coffee runs to Dunkin Donuts to feed her coffee addiction. That leaves me approximately $400.00 a year to feed my favorite addictions for a change.
COMPLETE EIGHT PAINTINGS OR PRINTS
This resolution was another “INCOMPLETE”. I finished only five prints so far due to a two-month bout of absolute laziness. I’ll certainly improve this next year, I hope.
LEARN AT LEAST FOUR NEW CUSS WORDS FROM MY GRANDSONS
This is another “INCOMPLETE”. I was only able to come up with one new cuss word that I overheard when my two grandsons were having a private conversation. I was eavesdropping like any good adult should do but I’m still not sure which one of the boys said the magic word “shitster”. I have no context for that word, but I sure liked the sound of it. Being a “shitster” is probably way better than being a gangster. At some point I may ask the boys for clarification but first I may use the word during a conversation with their parents when they’re close enough to hear me. LOL
Well, it’s New Years Eve once again. This was a fun holiday when I was in my teens and twenties but these days not so much. I never really understood what the big deal was and still don’t. It’s just a day and night made for drinking, carousing, and avoiding sobriety check points. I hope none of you become victims of that stupidity and cause an accident that may harm yourself and others by drinking and driving. In my years as a police officer, I made a point of not working on this holiday. I took the day off and then occasionally drank too much, caroused too much, and got really stupid. I managed to survive but only just.
This year I’m housebound and safe from the fits of holiday stupidity. Please be safe . . . and not too stupid. I wouldn’t want to be reading about any of you on “the day after”. Let me bring a few smiles to your lips before you decide to begin your celebration by taking a little trip to the 1980’s for some occasionally rude and hilarious humor.
If the shrimps come in on a shrimp boat, how do the crabs come in? On the captain’s dinghy.
Why did Miss Piggy miss her last concert? She had a frog in her throat.
What happens when you moon in bumper-to-bumper traffic? You wind up with your ass in a jam.
What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a skinny girl? The counterfeit bill is a phony buck.
What’s the definition of a real lady? Someone who doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, and only curses if it slips out.
Why did they name the new feminine hygiene spray SSY? Because it takes the PU out of pussy.
What happens when a guaranteed condom breaks? The guarantee runs out.
What’s 138? Dinner for four.
When do you know you’ve had the world’s best head? You have to pull the sheet out of your ass.
What’s the difference between frustration and panic? Frustration is the first time you find out you can’t do it the second time, and panic is the second time you found out you couldn’t do it the first time.
everyuselessthing.com 