Archive for the ‘Humor’ Tag
I’d like to lighten things up today with a short discussion about some of my favorite things, limericks. I’ve been a huge fan from an early age and unfortunately I like my limericks as dirty as possible. I had an relative years ago who had a huge book of really filthy limericks which he would bring out a parties to read a few and get the place rocking a bit.
I’ve written my fair share of limericks and it’s actually a fun thing to do. There are literally hundreds of thousands of them out there and if you don’t find them funny as hell your really missing out.
I have some favorites but I would never attempt to blog them because my better-half would kill me. Fortunately there are so many others available in so many categories I hopefully can keep it somewhat clean. I make no promises because limericks are meant to be dirty. Here’s one I’ve been saving for my better-half’s daughter who just happens to be an middle school math teacher.
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‘Tis a favourite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it’s simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9
Of course some limericks convey thoughts and comments about religion and the good and evil we all must learn to deal with.
I could put a few more of these boring limericks but let’s cut to the chase for a few sexually oriented ones.
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There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!
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An epileptic young woman named Camp
Was seduced on her couch by a tramp
But the first time he squeezed her
She had a Grand Mal seizure
And broke both his balls and a lamp.
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There was a young lady from Nizes
whose breasts were two different sizes.
One was so small
it was nothing at all,
but the other was huge and won prizes.
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There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went driving one night with a builda.
He said that he should
That he could and he would,
And he did and it pretty near killda.
Those were examples of a few mildly sexual limericks. I won’t be taking you any further down the limerick’s road to depravity today but possibly at a later date I’ll post a few of the more disgusting ones I’ve found. I’ll have to post them late at night from a darkened computer room to avoid complications with my somewhat prudish better-half.
Here are two I wrote this morning just to show you how easy it can be if you’d like to explore your creative side.
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There once was a man from Maine
To whom life seemed a mere game
He blogged and he blogged
Till his brain became clogged
With comments received from the lame
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Every Useless Thing is a fun blog
But the author’s been in a real fog
The writing comes easy
But at times can turn sleazy
Like having sex with a ‘ho’ and her dog
If I can stumble my way through the process then anyone can. Give it your best shot and make it as filthy as you’d like. Send it over and I’ll be sure to post it.
I’ve never had the opportunity to raise an infant and I think that’s why it fascinates me so much. I’ve been around infants a few times in my life but never for a long periods of time. I was always a little intimidated by babies because I had no clue how to approach them or care for them. They were more like little lumps of a person who couldn’t speak and in some cases couldn’t’ even focus their eyes. I won’t even get into the hazards of diaper changing and other cleanup chores.
When my ex-wife and I decided to adopt she was interested in adopting two sibling sisters under the age of six. I was thinking to myself, OMFG, what am I going to do. That adoption didn’t work out but luckily we later adopted a twelve year old boy. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and our life proceeded forward.
Many years have passed and at this late date I guess I’m making up for lost time. My better-half’s grandson who just turned six months old has become a huge part of my life. After watching his growth and development I can’t wait until he starts speaking. I can tell he already has things to say but just hasn’t figured out how yet. It won’t be long now and I’m actually looking forward to really meeting him for the first time with sound and words.
During my surfing on the net I found this collection of assorted quotations from kids under the age of six which made me smile. That’s what I like about young children, they speak their truth. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. Just picture that cute little child standing in front of you with those innocent eyes and speaking the following:
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Dear God, I read the bible. What does "beget" mean? Nobody will tell me.
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The wind is like the air, only pushier.
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One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
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You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
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The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
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Lime is a green-tasting rock.
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Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils, while others preferred to be oil.
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Dear God, My brother told me how babies are born but it just doesn’t sound right. What do you say?
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Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don’t why you should.
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In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.
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Clouds are high flying fogs.
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Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
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Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog’s tongue will kill the strongest man.
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Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
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A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
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I’m being haive! — 2 year old son, when his mother told him told to behave.
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Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. You can look it up.
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A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
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Dear God, Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house?
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Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it’s printed on the bottom. — 3 year old son, when his mother asked how his father knew the genders of four new baby kittens
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I had a fraction in my neck and had to go to the hospital for a long time.
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Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There’s nothing good there now.
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Mommy, you said it would be a shot; instead it was a needle!
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And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email.
In another few months these types of statements and questions will become a part of my life and I pray to God I can come up with the proper answers. It could go either way.
Most people consider themselves to have a great sense of humor and so do I. I’m sarcastic to a fault with an extremely dry sense of humor. Some people like it, some people don’t, as in all things.
One of the first things I look for when I meet someone new is their sense of humor. Do they like to laugh? Are they quick witted and enjoy being kidded? That’s the difference between being my friend or just being an acquaintance. I’ve been told that making a decision on someone based solely on humor just isn’t fair. That’s probably true but that’s the way I do it. I’ve met really intelligent people who have no sense of humor at all. Is that how you would like to spend your time, with them? Not me.
Everyone thinks they have a sense of humor. That really smart guy who I just met and accused of having no sense of humor thinks he’s the funniest guy on the planet. That’s one of the reasons attending a comedy club amateur night can be so much fun. That smart guy will stand up, say a few so-called funny stories, and bomb terribly. While some drunken schmuck will get up and have the entire place in stitches almost immediately. As with beauty, humor is in the eye of the beholder.
Here’s a collection of so-called humorous quotations by so-called celebrities. You be the judge on who’s funny and who’s not.
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“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock
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“I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
― Woody Allen
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“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.”
― Stephen King
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“It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
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“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
― Dr. Seuss
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“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
― Winston Churchill
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“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
― George Burns
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“Mom says it’s because she has PMS.
Do you even know what that means?
"I’m not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome”
― Nicholas Sparks
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“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
― Steven Wright
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“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin
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“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein
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“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
― Woody Allen
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“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
― Groucho Marx
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“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
― W.C. Fields
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“Ever notice how ‘What the hell’ is always the right answer?”
― Marilyn Monroe
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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
― Albert Einstein
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“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
― Oscar Levant
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“Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.”
― John Wayne
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“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
― Albert Einstein
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“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”
― Groucho Marx
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“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
― Billy Sunday
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“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain
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“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”
― Jane Austen
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“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”
― Mae West
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“Happiness is a warm puppy.”
― Charles M. Schulz
Are all of these quotations funny, not really, but the person making them thinks they are. It just goes to show that a well developed sense of humor can change people’s perception of you one way or another. Good, bad, indifferent, what does it matter, at least they’ve noticed you and you’ve made an impression. That’s the first step to a possible life long friendship.
I was just sitting here today preparing to write a post and became distracted and sidetracked when I began to mentally list a number of things that annoy me. I enjoy "free association" as a means of clearing my head because it’s like wiping my mental blackboard so I can restart with a fresh train of thought. I recorded that list for some unknown reason and thought I’d share it with you. It could just as easily be called a list of Things I Hate but I like to save my hatred for people and things that really deserve it. So this list is officially Things That Annoy Me in no particular order of importance and exactly as I recorded them.
People who constantly talk over me
People who answer a question with a question
Pop-up ads
Taking a dump in a public restroom
People who don’t get sarcasm
Tyra Banks
Fake handicap spot parkers
OBX stickers
Street performers
White people with dreadlocks
There’s the first ten. I see nothing too startling there and can only assume most of you would agree with me that these things are annoying. Moving right along.
Chatty Customer Service people who won’t shut up
Authority of any kind
Wannabe gangsta idiots
Finally being in bed and realizing you forgot to turn off the lights
Obama
Rappers
Country music
Toddlers & Tiaras
Game requests on Facebook
Pedophiles
Are you still with me? Have any of these struck a chord with you? I would hate to think that many of these items really don”t bother other people because that would then make me something of an oddball. Let’s keep going.
Anything Kardashian
People talking while blocking a grocery store aisle
People who don’t thank you after you hold a door for them
People who start panicking by slamming an imaginary brake in you car
Soccer
People that don’t do their job
Foreign people that make fun of America
When people make a movie out of a book and screw it up
No Wi-Fi
People who correct me
It’s amazing to me just how many things that occur everyday can be so bothersome. Have we become so numb to this continuous stream of annoyance that we are now desensitized to it? I sometimes think that’s true. Here are my final ten. I stopped after fifty because I was becoming bored with this whole thing. Maybe I can make your list as “Someone who is boring and annoying”.” That would be ironic and yes really annoying, a two-fer.
People who are skinny and on a diet
Funerals
Wet or gooey door knobs
Slow Internet
People that call Soccer football
Clowns
Liars
People using text abbreviations out loud
Hostesses who ask “Would you like a table?”
Projectile vomiting
This list could go on and on but I think my point’s been made. Now my mind is clear and I’m ready to face the day refreshed and less aggravated. I wonder just how long it will take for something new to annoy me so I can start working on my next list of fifty.
Today is Ladies Day here at Everyuselessthing. I know In the past I’ve had a lot of fun with you ladies out there but I’d like to get a little more serious today. During my normal cruising around the net I discovered that today is what most women would consider a very special day. I think it’s only fair that the women in this country have more than one day like Mother’s Day to celebrate their femininity. With that in mind I’m sending out good wishes to all of my female readers and a big HAPPY INTERNATIONAL TIARA DAY. I’ve included the following blurb I discovered which explains the origins of this observance and who to blame. I’m sorry, that must have sounded a little catty and I apologize.
I was surprised a little to discover that’s it’s an "International" observance. For some reason I thought that this could only be an American thing. I guess I should have realized that you women folk all would love to have and wear a tiara regardless of what country you live in. As the article explains this observance was created to help every women feel like a princess. How sweet and somewhat disturbing is that?
So before all of you ladies race off to your local Tiara’s "R" Us, please read along to learn the history of this special, special day, International Tiara Day.
The first International Tiara Day was held on May 24th, 2005 in conjunction with Barbara Bellissimo’s Seasons of Success. In 2009 Lynanne White of American Rose Bridal along with a few of her employees decided everyone should be able to wear a tiara, not just brides. Lynanne researched to see if there was a tiara day. After contacting and receiving permission from Barbara, Lynanne took over International Tiara Day in hopes of helping all women feel like a princess. Lynanne thought May 24th was an appropriate day since it was Queen Victoria’s birthday. We hope to continue this tradition every year. Please help us spread the word.
Now that I’ve properly informed my female readers about this previously unpublicized day it’s back to blog business. I love listing new followers to this blog along with my special thanks. Spending time surfing through their blogs is in my opinion time well spent. They contain a lot of interesting information and diverse writing styles. Check them out and enjoy them as I do.
Thanks to: meganlbarr, Glenn Folkes, Kendall F. Person, thepublicblogger, sunnysleevez, ArchangelTravels, Cristian Mihai, taylor oceans, Michael Armstrong, Sorina M, Daniel Gonzalez, Ashley, The Overstand Podcast, jamesrevelsthecomposer, immodiumabuser, The CoF, talin401, kirstywirsty, Spy Garden, SipofFashion, and dasitton309.
Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICTORIA.
I started out today writing a post on political polling. Upon completion I reread it and found myself bored to actual tears. I may post it in the future but every time I write about politics or politicians I feel kinda dirty. Someday soon when I’m having one of those “I hate politicians” days I’ll post it. Today I feel like passing along a few more items of totally useless information to help make your lives richer and fuller. Here we go.
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Too much coffee can kill you. A lethal dose for an average adult is around 10 grams. That’s the equivalent of drinking between fifty and two hundred cups in rapid succession.
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Malaria mosquitos are attracted to ripe Limburger cheese and smelly feet.
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Members of the U.S. Congress are the highest paid legislators in the world.
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Toilet paper was invented by the Chinese. In 1391 they produced 720,000 sheets a year for exclusive use of the emperor. Each sheet measured 2 feet by three feet.
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Disney World in Orlando covers 30,400 acres or 46 square miles. That’s twice the size of Manhattan.
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A cockroaches brain is spread throughout it’s body., If you chop off the head, it can still live up to a week. It finally dies because it can’t eat.
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You can get cooties. Cooties are lice.
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Mosquito repellant does not repel mosquitos. It blocks their sensors so they don’t know your there.
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Poison ivy is a member of the cashew family of plants that supplies us with cashews and pistachio nuts.
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Charlie Chaplin once lost a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest. He didn’t even make it to the finals.
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Artists have more sexual partners.
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The Puritan’s bought beer to America.
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Antarctica is the only continent without owls.
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A ten gallon hat only holds three-quarters of a gallon.
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The first film version of Frankenstein was a fifteen minute silent produced by Thomas Edison.
Well there you have it. I saved you all from a boring political rant and offered up this collection of incredible information at the same time. We do live in miraculous times, don’t we? I’m out the door and on my way in five minutes so ending this right now is necessary. Consider it ended.
I’ve been very critical over the years with people spending their entire lives trying to become famous. That relentless search for their fifteen minutes of fame becomes an obsession and usually causes them more problems than actual fame in it’s pursuit. To our society becoming famous or even knowing someone famous is all that’s important.
Reality shows have given a great many people their fifteen minutes and in most cases we all regret it. The Jersey Shore, Swamp People, Teen Moms, just to mention a few. These people acquired fame and fortune for no apparent good reason. They’re just a by-product of our obsession with anything that can be sensationalized or celebrity related.
I’ve never been someone who searched out fame or notoriety but now I’m thinking I might have missed the boat. I decided to do a little research into how I could become famous. On a website I won’t mention I found this top ten list of things to do to become famous. I tried working my way through the list but I had many difficulties and it now appears that fame and fortune will continue to elude me. Here’s what I found.
Make a Sex Tape – I really gave this my best efforts but something seemed to be missing. Finding a partner to make the tape became the entire issue. Finally I discovered a local homeless women who would do anything for food. We made the tape and sent it out to the media. They all were returned unopened and the cost for my treatment of this STD was enormous.
Get Your Own Reality Show – I couldn’t find anyone interested in the life and times of a retiree. I was told to call them back if I ever fathered a child with anyone under the age of sixteen. I could then be a spin off of Teen Moms but only if I had an accompanying physical deformity.
Date Someone Famous – I wrote really intimate and interesting letters to my top twenty celebrities begging for some quality time and a few photo ops to get the attention of the paparazzi. I received back twenty attorney letters threatening protection orders if I didn’t desist.
Release a Pop Single – This may have been the worst day of my life. I discovered that my ability to RAP was limited and that most promoters thought I was way too old and way too white.
Go to Rehab - I checked myself into rehab. Rehab in Maine is inexpensive. My addiction to potato chips just wasn’t juicy enough to make the nightly news.
Claim to Be a Bisexual – I made this claim but for it to be taken seriously I needed a partner. I was turned down so many times I began to feel really bad about myself. I may be forced into therapy because my delicate ego was severely bruised.
Find Some Famous Friends – The only people I know who are famous are incarcerated in some of Maine’s finest jails. I interviewed thousands of criminals over the years and now they’re lining up to be my buddy.
Weight Loss – I’ve been trying to accomplish weight loss for years. It’s never worked very well before so I don’t anticipate it improving now. I was asked to leave the building at Jenny Craig because I just wasn’t famous enough or pretty enough to appear in their commercials. I wasn’t happy being slammed for my lack of fame but everyone knows I’m pretty enough.
Get or Remove a Tattoo – This was a total waste of my time. My better-half made it abundantly clear that no additional tattoo’s were permitted and we certainly weren’t going to spend our hard earned money to remove any.
Sell Your Wedding or Baby Pictures – I tried selling my pictures but I had no takers. Every media outlet returned them with some less than flattering comments. Even members of my own family sent them back with a "No Thanks" note attached.
I guess I’m screwed. No fame or fortune in my future. No photos with the Kardasian’s, no paparazzi chasing me around, no quality time with Lindsey Lohan or dates with her mother. My life sucks.
It’s not unusual these days to hear people from other countries constantly complaining about America, Americans, and everything else American. We’re too loud, we’re too arrogant, we’re bullies, and on and on it goes. After continuously hearing all of that I then wonder why it is that so many of the same people from every nation on the planet would die to come here. Many hundreds of illegals have died in the deserts of northern Mexico just trying to cross the border to get here.
I always assume that money is the motivation for everything as well as political persecution but both of those things can be avoided by fleeing to many other countries besides the United States. Why then does everyone want to be here? As I lounged in my bed this morning a thought came to me that might explain it. As you know many countries have an odd assortment of traditions and customs that are truly weird and strange to us. I think many of our traditions are equally strange to them. They can’t seem to understand why we do certain things but they want to experience them with us. I’ve put together a list of ten things we Americans do that even I don’t understand. Lets take a look at them.
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Black Friday Shopping Sprees – My better-half and hundreds of thousands of others religiously participate in this insanity. I know that she and I will never spend Black Friday together unless I bow to this tradition.
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Presidential Turkey Pardons – This is so lame it’s embarrassing to admit that it’s true. Eat the freaking bird and be done with it. So freaking dumb!
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Gay Pride Parades - I can’t think of any reason why these are necessary at all. Maybe we need a Heterosexual Pride Parade every so often where we can get crazy and half-naked and make complete fools of ourselves. Oh wait, I forgot we have Spring Break for that.
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Tailgate Parties – This is just a further extension of the nations sports obsession. These get togethers continue to get more ridiculous every year but it’s something the Food channel can’t survive without.
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Cow Tipping – This is reported to be a true American tradition from the Midwestern part of the country. I’ve never seen it done nor have I ever participated in cow tipping. It’s just another reason to give the folks living in farm country a hard time. Funny but unverified.
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Punkin Chunkin – I’ve watched this on TV a few times but really didn’t think it was much of a tradition until two years ago. My better-half and I were riding around enjoying the pretty Fall colors when we came upon dozens of cars parked near a farmers field. People were standing around in groups watching some locals chunking pumpkins across the field. Every time one exploded everyone cheered. Why, I have no freaking idea.
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Watching Super Bowl Commercials – I have many more friends who watch the Super Bowl just for the commercials rather than the game itself. Go figure!
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Roadside Death Shrines - Over the years I’ve seen hundreds of these shrines built by friends and family of people killed in traffic accidents. Again, I don’t understand the need to build a shrine along some road. Some are really unbelievable. I saw one near my home that had it’s own decorated Christmas Tree.
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Sensationalism - Everything in this country is sensationalized. Crimes of the Century, Games of the Century, Storms of the Century, and anything else you can think of. If it isn’t the biggest and baddest in history it just isn’t worth mentioning. This is one tradition we could do without.
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Ground Hog Day Predictions - This is so stupid I really thought about not mentioning it at all. So consider it not mentioned.
Come one! Come all! All you crazy folks from around the globe. It’s taken America more than two hundred years but we finally developed and celebrate as many weird and stupid things as the people in your homeland do. You should fit right into this looney-bin we call America. So come on down.
As a very young man working my way through puberty I was confronted with sexual desires which truthfully scared the hell out of me. I found myself smitten with girls who had blonde hair. The fact that they also had a French accent was just a plus in my mind and made my fantasy more real. I told everyone that someday I would marry a blonde French women and move to Paris. Looking back it makes me smile to think just how naive I really was.
In those days the current ridicule of blondes was just starting primarily because of a few Hollywood actresses like Marilyn Monroe and Mae West. At the time I paid little or no attention to all of the blonde bashing that was slowly developing even after it turned into a national obsession. It continues today as an easy way to get laughs by comedians and television hosts alike.
My likes and dislikes of women have dramatically changed over the years and my desire for blondes has lessened somewhat. Was this craziness about blondes being dumb the cause of that change? Maybe. These days anyone can be a blonde at a moments notice and it sometimes seems there aren’t many real blondes left. It now requires us men to find out as soon as possible if "the curtains really match the rug". Unfortunately these days many women have opted for a much smaller rug and many times no rug at all. It’s all very confusing for us former blonde men. That’s right, as a young man I was a natural blonde.
I have to admit many blondes do come across as being a little dense at times and others can use that as a means to disarm the men they deal with. I now believe that being blonde is just a state of mind and that any man or women becomes effected by the blonde myth the moment they adopt that as their hair color. I’ve seen brunettes who’ve gone blonde and immediately seem to get more playful and less threatening. They become easier to approach, more fun to be with, and at times more sexually inclined. Hence the famous quote, “blonde’s have more fun”.
So the blonde thing has come full circle from it’s earliest days. I find it interesting just how often some middle aged women go blonde after experiencing the onset of that famous middle age spread. My blonde hair eventually turned light brown and I was safe from ridicule. I didn’t notice any obvious personality change in myself and my life went on as usual.
As a former blonde I feel I have as much right as anyone to have a little fun with the blonde thing. I don’t think the blonde issue will ever be explained or understood and that’s fine with me. Blondes that take offense can just change their hair color and become one of the majority. I’m still looking for the real blondes who don’t care want people think and are standing proud.
I couldn’t write this posting without adding one of my favorite blonde jokes. I guess I’m just as bad as everyone else and I hope it brings a smile or smirk to your face.
Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde. The guard brought the first woman, the brunette, forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no and the executioner shouted: "… Ready … Aim … !! and suddenly the brunette yelled, "EARTHQUAKE!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.
So they brought in the redhead and asked if she had any last requests. She said no, and the executioner shouted: "… Ready … Aim …!! and suddenly the redhead yelled "TORNADO!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.
Well, by now, the blonde had it all figured out. They brought her forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no and the executioner shouted: "… Ready … Aim … !! and the blonde yelled, "FIRE!"
So lame but still funny. I hope all of you blondes out there can forgive me, I’m just a weak formerly blonde man.
It’s time again for another installment of totally useless information. If you remember all of these tidbits after reading this blog for a year you’ll be declared an Unofficial Trivial Pursuit Expert. Even that game doesn’t include some of the strange and useless stuff found here.
My search will continue to find as many of these stupid and useless facts as possible and forward them along for your amusement. We humans are a strange folk as reflected by the following:
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Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world?
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Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
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Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
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Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
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In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
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If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human’s neck.
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The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary.
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During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that’s the weight of about 6 elephants.
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There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S, than real ones.
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More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones.
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Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet.
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The average American/Canadian drinks about 600 sodas a year.
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Humans blink over 10,000,000 times a year.
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In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an "Honorary Harlem Globetrotter”.
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Every second, Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate.
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A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day.
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In 32 years. there are about 1 billion seconds.
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Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.
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Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
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If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
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Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
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A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.
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Every 45 seconds, a house catches on fire in the United States.
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The average ice berg weighs 20,000,000 tons.
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A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
I think my favorite from this list is Pope John Paul II becoming an honorary Harlem Globetrotter. It’s funny on a number of levels and I can just picture him, robes flapping, doing a Michael Jordan flight to the basket for a truly holy dunk.
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