Archive for the ‘nonsense’ Tag

05/17/2025 “FAKE NEWS?”   Leave a comment

I’ve complained about “fake news” a lot in recent in recent months. If anything, it’s even worse now than before. With the advent of AI’s creating photo’s and headlines that are nothing more than a teaser to get us to read all the BS normally that usually follows has become problematic. I’m all for free speech but the lack of control on the fake content and misleading headlines is ridiculous. Everyone is paranoid to the extreme for scammers and this fake BS just contributes to even more scams. Today I’ll let you determine what is fake and what isn’t. Firstly I’ll list five of the most ridiculous conspiracy theories I could find. If you’re convinced by any of these subjects, you’re in need of more help than I can offer.

Conspiracies

  • Chemical trails from jet aircraft are really poisons designed by the government.
  • President Obama spent time on Mars as a teenager.
  • Stevie Wonder was never blind.
  • The planet Venus supports life.
  • Google has become self-aware, evolving into an AI that is essentially a god.

I realize these five items are truly stupid but they actually have been seriously discussed by the lunatic fringe. My all time favorite must go to those idiots who still believe the earth is flat. It pleases me that the mental health institutions will continue to have plenty of customers. I guess you could call that some sort of “job security”. Now I’m going to list ten items of which five are actual headlines and five that are not. You be the judge. The answers will be listed below.

Headlines

1. ITALIAN BANK ROBBERS WEAR TRUMP MASKS DURING HEISTS

2. TOAD TADPOLES TURN HOMEGROWN POISONS ON EACH OTHER

3. MAN ARGUES FOR ROOMBA LOVER TO BE GIVEN PERSONHOOD

4. INFAMOUS PICKPOCKET PALMS JUDGE’S WALLET IN COURT

5. SINGLE MEN ARRIVE IN DROVES AFTER PERSONALITY PROFILE ON A VASECTOMY SPECIALIST APPEARS

6. IN TRUE CANADIAN FASHION, DELAYED FLIGHT TRIGGERS A SING-ALONG.

7. MAN TAKES DISNEYLAND RIDE 10,000 TIMES

8. DRIVE-THRU WINDOW BECOMES SQUEEZE-THRU FOR A MCDONALD’S THIEF

9. PU! AIRPLANE DROPS CRATE OF STINK BUGS ON WEDDING

10.A BRITISH SURGEON WAS DISCOVERED BRANDING HIS INITIALS ON LIVERS

Answers
1,2,6,8,10 – Are True, 3,4,5,7,9 Are Fake

09/19/2024 “MORE 80’s HUMOR   1 comment

I’m on a break right now. Not that you really care but it’s just a break from another project I’m working on. My eyes were strained beyond belief from three hours staring at that project, so I decided to lighten things up with a little humor and jokes from the 1980’s. It seems that the decade of the 80’s easily supplies silliness and nonsense to last me for many years. Let’s get started.

  • How did you get to see the official bird of New York City. Cut somebody off in traffic.
  • Is it wrong to have sex before you’re married? Only if it makes you late for the ceremony!
  • When should you stop masturbating? When the smoke alarm goes off!
  • Why don’t girls like to drink beer on the beach? Because they get sand in their Schlitz!
  • What did the one lesbian say to the other lesbian? “Your face or mine!”

  • What you get when you cross an anteater with a vibrator? And armadildo!
  • What’s the hardest thing about the sex change from a man to a woman? Inserting the anchovies!
  • What happens to boys that lie? They get girls!
  • How do women get minks? The same way that minks get minks!
  • If you have VD, what do you know for sure? Urine trouble!

WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY

09/17/2024 “NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS UPDATE”   Leave a comment

This year has been flying by at supersonic speed which is why my mid-year review of my New Years Resolutions is two months late. I only listed five items this year rather than the ten I usually do because I’m old, lazy, and distracted by damn near everything.

READ MORE THAN 100 BOOKS

(Finished 74 so far as per Kindle, so far so good.)

TRY TO BE A LITTLE FRIENDLIER TOWARDS THE REST OF THE WORLD

(Try as I might, this one may never be accomplished.)

KEEP DUNKIN’ EXPENDITURES TO LESS THAN $40.00 A MONTH

(Due to my coffee addicted partner, I’m failing this one miserably.)

COMPLETE EIGHT PAINTINGS OR PRINTS

(Four down and four more to go. I may make it.)

LEARN AT LEAST FOUR NEW CUSS WORDS FROM MY GRANDSONS

(This one was the easiest one since they only curse around me.)

My score so far is 2 NO’s, 2 YES’s, and 1 NO EFFING WAY.

I’ll be doing a final review in January 2025. Now how about a quick little dirty joke to make you smile? It’s a slow day and we always need laughter in our life.

Two women were playing golf when one sliced her shot into a men’s foursome, causing one man to collapse in agony with both of his hands in his crotch. Rushing to his aid, the culprit apologized profusely, explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his pain. “No, it’s OK,” winced the man. “No, I insist,” she said as she undid the zipper of his jeans and began massaging his genitals. “There, does that feel better?” “Yes, it feels great,” said the man. “But my thumb still hurts like hell!!”

FORE!

07/22/2023 CRIMINAL JUSTICE??   Leave a comment

I’ve had the pleasure and misfortune to have spent nearly twenty years working in and with the criminal justice organizations in Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and Maine. I always thought the system had its flaws, how could it not? Your days are filled with an endless supply of criminals and an endless supply of criminal attorneys. Yikes!! I always laughed when I heard some of the older police and judges say Criminal Justice was the ultimate oxymoron. I’ve since discovered they weren’t kidding. The information in today’s post was taken from the annals of numerous courts and are true. You may find them hard to believe but they are. There are a million stories in the naked city and most of them are directly related to the Criminal Justice system. When in doubt plead total ignorance.

🏛️🏛️🏛️

Attorney: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim’s vagina show?

Witness: There were traces of semen.

Attorney: Male semen?

🏛️🏛️🏛️

Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in New York?

Witness: I refuse to answer that question.

Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in Chicago?

Witness: I refuse to answer that question.

Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in Miami?

Witness: No.

🏛️🏛️🏛️

Attorney: What is your date of birth?

Witness: July fifteenth.

Attorney: What year?

Witness: Every year.

🏛️🏛️🏛️

Attorney: So, the date of your baby’s conception was August 8th?

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?

🏛️🏛️🏛️

THE ULTIMATE REALITY SHOW

12/01/2022 “School Days”   Leave a comment

I was never in high school during the 1950’s.  I just wanted to be clear on that point because I was in then what is now called Middle School.  To say there are differences between now and the fifties is the hugest understatement you will ever hear.  As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, political correctness is responsible for accelerating that change. This article was initially posted in 2010 but I’ve updated it somewhat. Here are a few hypothetical scenarios showing the differences between then and now.  When you first read them, you might think the scenarios are exaggerated to make a point.  If you really look at it honestly you can also see how exaggerated, they aren’t.

* * *

Scenario 1

Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.

1957 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2022 – School goes into immediate lock down, FBI and media are alerted, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called for all of the traumatized students and teachers. Media interviews replayed for days.

Scenario 2

Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1957 – A crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2022 – Teachers alert the police, and the SWAT team arrives only moments before the Media — Johnny and Mark are arrested. They’re both charged with assault and expelled even though Johnny started it. The Media interviews experts on how to control the terrible violence in schools and they are replayed on numerous stations across the country.

Scenario 3

Jeffrey will not be quiet and well-behaved in class; he disrupts other students.

1957 – Jeffrey is sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt the class again.

2022 – Jeffrey is immediately tested for ADD and given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie like creature. The family then applies to SSI, and Jeffrey is labeled “disabled”. The monthly government checks begin to arrive. The Media does a three-night special on the networks concerning the national pandemic of ADD and praises the benefits of Ritalin.

Scenario 4

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2022 – Neighbor’s immediately call the police. Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse; Billy is removed to a foster care facility for evaluation. He soon joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom then has an affair with the psychologist and makes a guest appearance on the Jerry Springer Show. Film at eleven!

Scenario 5

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with a friend who also has a headache, and he feels much better.

2022 – Teachers immediately call police, and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations (zero tolerance). His car is then searched for drugs and weapons. Media proclaims continued drug problems in the school systems and Oprah Winfrey does a two-hour special.

Scenario 6

Pedro fails high school English.

1957 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and then goes to college.

2022 – Teachers are concerned for Pedro and his cause is taken up by the state authorities. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files a class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from the core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can’t speak English.

Scenario 7

Johnny takes leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July and puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a nest of red ants.

1957 – Ants die.

2022 – ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called in. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism for mishandling explosives. The FBI investigates his parents – and all his siblings are removed from their home and all computers confiscated. Johnny’s dad is placed on a terrorism watch list and is never allowed to fly again. Protesters and morons picket the family home because they are against domestic terrorism. A dangerous traffic jam is created by all of the Media vans attempting to get a little face time on camera.

Scenario 8

Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 –In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2022 – Other teachers and Johnny’s parents accuse Mary of being a sexual predator and she loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison and when released becomes a well-educated street walker. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy and drugs and eventually finds God, shaves his head, and is now working full-time at the airport playing a tambourine.

* * *

Do you honestly think I exaggerated a bit?  Some of this is certainly tongue-in-cheek but a lot of it isn’t. I’m glad of two things; one is that I’m not a kid attending school these days, and secondly, that my children would have been taught by me the basics on how to best survive liberal academics and their constant propagandizing.

HAVE A MERRY POLITICALLY CORRECT CHRISTMAS

09/077/2022 Trivial Trivia   Leave a comment

Today’s a good day for miscellaneous nonsense. A few odd and weird truths that you may not have heard before.

  • An average McDonald’s Big Mac bun has 178 sesame seeds.
  • The “spa” dates back almost 2000 years to when Roman soldiers, marching home from battle, stopped overnight in a Belgian village that had hot mineral springs. The town name “Spa”,became a popular resting spot for Roman soldiers returning from battle.
  • John Lennon was the first person to be featured on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.
  • Manhattan is about half the size of Disney World.
  • A caterpillar has nearly 5 to 6 times as many muscles in his body as a human.
  • Domino’s has marketed a reindeer sausage pizza in Iceland.
  • An average office chair moves a total of roughly 8 miles over the course of the year.

  • Princess Diana appeared on the cover of People magazine more than 50 times.
  • The chili and the frijole are the official vegetables of the state of New Mexico.
  • Blondes typically have more individual hairs on their heads than brunettes. Redheads have the fewest of the three.
  • The launch of the shuttle Discovery was once delayed after woodpeckers pecked holes in the spacecraft’s foam insulation. Decoy plastic owls, purchased at Walmart, deterred the woodpeckers and solved the problem.
  • Tickets to the very first Super Bowl sold for $12 – and that was for the most expensive seat.

ENJOY HUMP DAY

04/05/2022 Utter Nonsense   Leave a comment

STUPID HEADLINE

DEER WITH BIG RACK IS FEMALE, IT TURNS OUT

RETRO BUMPER STICKERS

I’M BI-COASTAL

RETIRED. NO PHONE. NO ADDRESS. NO MONEY

ANSWER MY PRAYERS. STEAL THIS EFFING CAR

BEYOND BITCH

BEER MADE ME WHAT I AM TODAY

STUPID QUOTES by Ralph Kiner

Ralph Kiner, Pittsburgh Pirates Hall of Fame slugger, was the broadcast voice of the Mets in the 60’s. For all of you baseball fans out there, here are a few of his gems.

“Today is Father’s Day, so to all of you fathers out there, we’d just like to say, Happy Birthday!”

“Solo homers usually come with no one on base.”

“Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April”

If Casey Stengel were alive today, he’d be spinning in his grave.”

ONE RUDE LIMERICK by Isaac Azimov

There was an old fellow from Tripoli

Who used to make love rather nippily.

Said his angry young lass

While rubbing her ass,

“Less teethily, please, and more lippily.”

🍆🍆🍆

THANKFULLY SPRING IS COMING SOON

02/19/2022 The Egg!   Leave a comment

I’m too much of a cynic to be a big believer in superstitions. They’re fun to talk about and laugh about but only a small percentage of people actually believe most of that nonsense. We’ve all heard about “don’t walk under ladders” or “black cats crossing our path”, and dozens more. I happened upon some additional information that I’d never heard before concerning the everyday common egg. You can believe what you will, I’m just spreading the word for fun.

  • Superstitions about eggs are still held, particularly in rural farming areas. One such belief is that if you see many broken eggs, you will soon have a lawsuit on your hands.
  • If you find a snake’s egg in a hen’s nest, your friends are really your enemies.
  • It is bad luck to bring a wild bird’s egg into the house.
  • If a woman dreams of eggs, she will quarrel with her friends.
  • Two yolks in one egg means good luck for the one who eats them. Folks who only buy eggs fresh from the farm will have the opportunity to find these. Factory examinations these days usually eliminate double yellow yolkers.
  • Eggs laid on Friday will cure stomach aches. Of course, only folks who keep laying hens know when the eggs are actually laid. This superstition is impossible to follow in heavily populated urban areas.
  • In some parts of the Middle East if you buy a new car, you have to kill a chicken and pour the blood on it. The chickens’ blood was thought to ward off any evil spirits that may be lurking in the vehicle.
  • Throughout human history, more eggs have been eaten raw rather than cooked! Eggs have always been a chief source of protein for primal humans and still are in most cultures. Americans often drink raw eggs in eggnog, flavored with a taste of vanilla and doused with whipped cream, another source of protein.

As I’m sure you can recall over the last few decades eggs were first vilified as being unhealthy and a few years later some illustrious scientists changed their minds. All of a sudden eggs became a healthy addition to our diet. So much for the credibility of governmental and scientific experts. I simply love eggs, always have and always will. If eating large numbers of eggs is going to kill me, so be it (I think the bad water and air will get me first). At least I’ll die with a smile on my face because I just love eggs (with lots of bacon, of course).

WHO DOESN’T LOVE HEN FRUIT??

10/25/2021 Dumb Republican Quotes   Leave a comment

This is the first of two posts concerning our two major political parties. I decided to do the dumb quotes of the Republicans first to avoid the never ending complaints of bias from the Democrats and other Liberals. After all this time they still haven’t gotten my core message. I don’t much care for any politicians from any party. This is my friendly gesture to all of you non-Republicans out there that stupid things are consistent to all parties. Enjoy . . .

  • “If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” ~ George W. Bush
  • “When the President does it that means that it’s not illegal.” ~ Richard M. Nixon
  • “Exercise freaks are the ones putting stress on the health care system.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
  • “Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.” ~ Jerry Falwell
  • “Facts are stupid things.” ~ Ronald Reagan
  • “This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” ~ George W. Bush
  • “Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.” ~ Ronald Reagan
  • “[America has to import so many workers because] for the last 35 years we have aborted more than a million people who would have been in our workforce.” ~ Mike Huckabee
  • “I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.” ~ Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
  • “I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started.” ~ Donald Rumsfeld
  • “Well, I learned a lot. I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You’d be surprised, they’re all individual countries.” ~ Ronald Reagan
  • “We have a lot of work to do. It’s a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border.” ~ John McCain (the countries share no common border)
  • “The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
  • “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.” ~ Representative. Virginia Foxx
  • “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” ~ George W. Bush

Be sure to check back tomorrow for the Democratic posting on this subject. You’ll see that both stupid and smart people have the ability look ridiculous at times. It’s unfortunate that we the citizenry are forced to listen to all their never-ending nonsense.

GOOD LUCK TO US ALL

04-17-2014 The Search for Justice and Fairness!   2 comments

I can’t even begin to remember just how many times over the years I’ve taken attorneys, the ACLU, and the court systems to task.  I feel I’m as qualified as anyone to bitch and complain about the system because of my long career of working with hundreds of attorneys, judges,and a host of criminal and civil defendants.  Everyday that goes by we hear strange stories about  how screwed up things have become  with the courts and unfortunately the weirder the story the more likely it is to be true. 

I received the following information from a friend who is a retired law enforcement individual with more years of experience than anyone I know.    I pass it along for your amusement and  with a great deal of sympathy for us all.

th1FOSWEKL

THE STELLA AWARDS

It’s time again for the annual ‘Stella Awards’! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald’s in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That’s right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head.

Here are the Stella’s for year — 2013:

* SEVENTH PLACE *   

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict , considering the running toddler was her own son

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps .  

* FIFTH PLACE *  

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count ’em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.

* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle – even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun .  

thXENQROFR

* THIRD PLACE *  

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument .

*SECOND PLACE *   

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 plus dental expenses.

And last but certainly not least:

* FIRST PLACE *

This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set.

The Oklahoma jury awarded her  $1,750,000 and a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their operator’s manuals as a result of this suit. 

I could continue telling these kind of stories for hours but the point has already been made.  Sue anyone for anything at anytime regardless of the circumstances.  Welcome to the “Land of the Free” and the home of the “Incredibly Stupid”.