Today I’d like to talk about marriage. It always seems like a topic that everyone has an opinion on and so do I. As far as I can see there are no real experts on marriage. If there were they couldn’t possibly explain why a little more than fifty percent of all marriages fail miserably. I have the right to speak on this subject because I’ve been married twice and divorced twice. I married for sex initially (bad move) and then married for love (or so I thought), (another bad move). Do I have solutions for this trend – I do not. As best I can determine getting married is much like going to Las Vegas and losing everything you own and then complaining about Las Vegas for ruining your life. I’m currently unmarried and my better-half and I have been together for almost thirty years. That just tells me when it’s the right person, life can be good.
Todays post will cite a number of well known celebs on their thoughts on marriage. This should convince you that they have no clue either. Here we go . . .
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” Oscar Wilde
“The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” S.T. Coleridge
“Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.” George Bernard Shaw
“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.” Johnny Carson
“If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry.” Anton Chekhov
“Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.” Phyllis Diller
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” Groucho Marx
“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” Sam Kenison
“It’s true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, “Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then”. Lyle Lovett – after marrying Julia Roberts
“Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.” Leonardo da Vinci
My Fav
“Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, then you lose interest.” Irwin Corey
I really and truly hate the media. Even before the term “fake news” appeared, I was well ahead of the game. I was raised during a time when there were only three networks and the main voice for America on any subject was Walter Cronkite. Whatever he said was immediately believed as information that came down from the Mount with the Ten Commandments. Now that we’ve progressed a little (LOL) we’re beginning to find out what fools our parent’s generation was and unfortunately they passed some of that foolishness along to their kids. Eventually the rest of the country finally figured all of this out because of a few thousand regular folks taking to the airways armed with a new term called “Podcasts”. Thanks also to people like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg for maintaining freedom of speech on their social media platforms. With that being said todays post contains misquotes and misstatements from numerous and varied celebrities experts and media outlets. Enjoy . . .
“If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” George Gobel – comedian.
“The crime bill passed by the senate would reinstate the federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President, hijacking an airliner, and murdering a government poultry inspector.” Published by Knight Ridder News Service
Retraction: The “Greek Special” is a huge, 18-inch pizza and not a huge, 18-inch penis, as described in an ad. Blondie’s Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday’s ad may have caused. Correction in the Daily Californian (real fake news)
As a prize – a beautiful riding mower with optional ass scratcher. Announcer on TV who meant to say “grass catcher”.
“To say this book is about me (which is the main reason I was uncomfortable – me, me, me,. me . . . frightening) is ridiculous. This book is not about me.” Kate Moss, model, on her book, Kate: The Kate Moss Book
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” Decca Recording Company turning down the Beatles, 1962
I really and truly hate the media. Even before the term “fake news” appeared, I was well ahead of the game. I was raised during a time when there were only three networks and the main voice for America on any subject was Walter Cronkite. Whatever he said was immediately believed as information that came down from the Mount with the Ten Commandments. Now that we’ve progressed a little (LOL) we’re beginning to find out what fools our parent’s generation was and unfortunately they passed some of that foolishness along to their kids. Eventually the rest of the country finally figured all of this out because of a few thousand regular folks taking to the airways armed with a new term called “Podcasts”. Thanks also to people like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg for maintaining freedom of speech on their social media platforms. With that being said todays post contains misquotes and misstatements from numerous and varied celebrities experts and media outlets. Enjoy . . .
“If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” George Gobel – comedian.
“The crime bill passed by the senate would reinstate the federal death penalty for certain violent rimes: assassinating the President, hijacking an airliner, and murdering a government poultry inspector.” Published by Knight Ridder News Service
Retraction: The “Greek Special” is a huge, 18-inch pizza and not a huge, 18-inch penis, as described in an ad. Blondie’s Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday’s ad may have caused. Correction in the Daily Californian (real fake news)
As a prize – a beautiful riding mower with optional ass scratcher. Announcer on TV who meant to say “grass catcher”.
“To say this book is about me (which is the main reason I was uncomfortable – me, me, me,. me . . . frightening) is ridiculous. This book is not about me.” Kate Moss, model, on her book, Kate: The Kate Moss Book
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” Decca Recording Company turning down the Beatles, 1962
In my experience secrets are almost never kept. I’ve been guilty of “loose lips” a few times and ended up regretting it. Paybacks for breaking someone’s confidence can be catastrophic as I can attest. Todays post will contain information about secrets from a number of sources. The first entry comes from a famous New York columnist:
WALTER WINCHELL
“I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.”
A FEW ANONYMOUS
“There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping, and the other is too good to keep.”
“There is a skeleton in every house.”
“He who tells a secret is another’s servant.”
“Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.”
It seems that everyone on the planet has opinions on secrets and they love to call them proverbs.
FRENCH: “Nothing is so burdensome as a secret.”
YIDDISH: “After nine months the secret comes out.”
RUSSIAN: “Confide in a dumb man, and he will speak.”
SPANISH: “He who keeps his own secret avoids much mischief.”
LATIN: “Sooner would men hold fire in their mouths than keep a secret.”
And finally an old standby from the BIBLE:
ECCLESIASTES 10:20“Even in your thought, do not curse the king, nor in your bedchamber curse the rich; for a bird of the air will carry your voice, or some winged creature will tell the matter.”
TELL ME ALL YOUR SECRETS, I WON’T TELL ANYONE, I PROMISE
I recently began rereading Isaac Azimov’s “The Foundation Series“. I’ve read it at least four or five times over the years which probably makes me a crazy rabid Azimov fan. Since I’ve lately reintroduced him to my brain, todays post will include a few of his limericks. While he was a prolific writer of books, he was also a lover of all things limerick. In company with a friend and fellow writer, John Ciardi, they’ve written hundreds of limericks both funny and many times a little bawdy. Here are a few to make you smile.
I know this will make some of you jealous especially the male readers. I’ve been lucky enough to acquire a wonderful little booklet published in 2000 filled with hundreds of quotes and other tidbits of wit and wisdom by some of our most famous women. I try to keep things interesting on this blog by gathering information from all sides of the human equation. Here are a few samples from the distaff side of things.
“In nine cases out of ten, the woman had better show more affection than she feels.” Jane Austen 1813
“Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.” Aphra Behn 1687
“Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all – the apathy of human beings.” Helen Keller 1927
“If all men are born free, how is it that all women are born slaves?” Mary Astell 1706
“To be a king and wear a crown is more glorious to them that see it than it is a pleasure to them that bear it.” Queen Elizabeth I 1923
Queen Elizabeth I
“If I didn’t start painting, I would have raised chickens.” Grandma Moses 1947
“Always be smarter than the people who hire you.” Lena Horne 1985
“The person who publishes a book willfully appears before the populace with his pants down.” Edna St. Vincent Millay 1986
“Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit’em, but remember it’s a sin to kill a mocking bird.” Harper Lee 1960
“Truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to tell it.” Emily Dickinson 1870
❤️❤️❤️
Here is one of my favorite quotes from a successful and feisty long-running actress.
It’s been a while since I posted any quizzes. Todays will consist of ten sports related trivia facts. These questions will not be easy. Let’s see who the real sports fanatics are out there. As always the answers will be listed below. Have fun with it.
What is the distance between bases on a Little League ball field?
In 1939 what famous American athlete starred on UCLA”s undefeated team and was the top scorer in the Pacific Coast Conference for basketball?
What is the state sport for Alaska?
Who was the world champion swimmer disqualified from competing in the 1936 Olympics?
How many baseball gloves can be made from one cow?
Daredevil Jack
What did basketball star Kareen Abdul-Jabbar and Frank Sinatra have in common?
“Daredevil Jack” is the title of a 1920 movie starring which heavyweight boxer?
Who was the only American to win a gold metal at the 1968 Winter Olympics?
In what major league ballpark was a pitcher charged with a balk when the wind blew him off the mound during an All-Star game?
Who was the first major league baseball plyer to win a batting title in three different decades?
George Brett
HOW DID YOU DO?
Answers
60 feet, Jackie Robinson, Dog-mushing, Eleanor Holm, Five, Both born at 13lbs., Jack Dempsey, Peggy Flaming, Candlestick Park in 1961, George Brett – .333 in 1976, .390 in 1980, and .329 in 1990.
I’ve been sitting here trying to decide a couple of things. First, how should I celebrate my upcoming eightieth birthday. Second, what should I post on this blog tomorrow. So, I mixed the two things together resulting in a list of things accomplished by other more famous eighty-year-olds from the past. It probably won’t mean much to you until you reach the age of seventy-five when you begin to wonder what your future holds. Have fun with it (It really isn’t that much fun).
Moses, in disgust, breaks the tablets inscribed with the Ten Commandments, then goes back to get a second set. (That took some balls pissing off God)
Queen Victoria utters her famous critique, “We are not amused.” (I’m pretty sure we still aren’t)
Jessica Tandy wins her first Oscar, for Best Supporting Actress for The Sunshine Boys. (Glad I missed that one.)
George Burns also wins his first Oscar, for Best Supporting Actor in The Sunshine Boys. (He was way better playing God)
Pope Gregory XIII establishes the Gregorian calendar, thus correcting the errors of the Julian calendar by changing the rules regarding leap years. (I’m sure he spent long and rigorous late nights lying awake trying to figure that out. What a BS claim to fame at eighty)
Robert Penn Warren becomes Americas first official poet laureate. (I think some of his other works began as – Roses are red, something was blue – Ya-Da! Ya-Da! Ya-Da!)
Leopold Stokowski founds the American Symphony Orchestra. (Never heard of him or the orchestra until today)
After rereading this list I find myself even more depressed than before I started. Maybe eighty doesn’t have much to offer although I considered for a short time revisiting some excitement from my thirties when I made a a number of skydives. I started calling around and actually found a place here in Maine that was willing to accommodate me. I was preparing to schedule the event when my better-half discovered my plan. After she made it perfectly clear I wouldn’t be able to skydive if she broke both of my legs, I cancelled the plan. My eightieth will only be a loud and raucous evening at Uno’s with my better-half, a tray of sliders and if I get lucky there may be a visit from Jack Daniels and possibly ice cream. Screw all of those famous old farts.
These facts may appear to be BS but they are not. They were researched and compiled by Shane Carley who is also obsessed with weird but true facts.
The first leader of an independent Chile was Irish.
The Hundred Years War actually lasted 116 years.
The Austrian army once mistakenly attacked itself. The Battle of Karansebes resulted in losses of up to 10,000 soldiers when one Austrian regiment mistook another for the enemy.
Surprisingly, the U.S. state closest to Africa is not Florida – it’s Maine.
President Richard Nixon had a speech prepared just in case Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin died on the moon.
The people of Loss Angeles were so accustomed to light pollution that when an earthquake caused a blackout in 1994, many citizens called observatories to ask about the weird lights in the sky. They were the stars.
Early astronaut toilets were so bad that feces sometimes floated through the space capsule.
Believe it or not as far as official records are concerned, no one has ever had sex in space.
Marijuana and the hops in your beer come from the same plant family.
You can generally tell the color of a chickens eggs by the color of its ears.
As recently as 2004, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration permitted the production and marketing of maggots for limited use as a “medical device”.
The Declaration of Independence was written on animal skin.
Taking into consideration the upcoming holiday season. Christmas was originally banned in the American colonies.
Jackie Mitchell, the first (and only) female player in Major League Baseball, once struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig in consecutive at bats.
Hall of Fame MLB pitcher Hoyt Wilhelm hit a home run in his first MLB at-bat. He never hit another home run over the remainder of his 21 year career.
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